US Presidency

Has it been like this before? You know I thought nothing of the coverage of the recent US Presidential election. Now, we are being "treated" to every single cabinet appointment, decision and sneeze that Obama makes. When do they think enough of this rubbish will be enough? DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Veggie Burger? No! Yes but no!!

I got to Singapore on time but had to endure for 12 hours the twitchiest person I have ever sat behind on a plane. Of course, he also wanted to turn his Economy Class seat into a Business Class flat bed but I told him he was crushing my knees and he relented. Anyway, got to the hotel and did some work in preparation for tomorrow then went to the local mall for a bite to eat. I only wanted a snack so I went to a world famous burger "restaurant". Do you sell veggie burgers I asked. No was the reply. I moved on. I then found the world's second most famous burger "restaurant" and they said yes, they do sell veggie burgers. So I odered one. No meat I stressed. No meat she confirmed. I got my burger, chips and sprite and sat down to tuck in. Chips just warm, sprite ok. The veggie burger comprised:

• Bread bun
• Onion slice
• Tomato slice
• Gherkin slices
• Tomato sauce

That, dear reader, is a Singaporean veggie burger. Definitely no meat!!! The weather here is perfect. 27 degrees on arrival and now, 2100 local time, it is absolutely commodiously warm. Topped up my SingTel SIM card for S$15 and was credited with S$30. Good value. More Europeans here than I am used to. DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Excellent use of Google Searches

I came across a podcast the other day that talked about how to use google searches for reasons other than just trying to find an article or web site or something. What some researchers have done is to follow through the number of searches over time using google on influenza … the flu!

What they found was that they could then use the search information to predict when an outbreak of flu might happen. What they also found was that the google search information was probably more immediate that the official or more formal flu data was. They found that the google data led the official data by around two weeks: critical if the flu we are talking about is Avian Flu or some other deadly strain.

What is happening? Well, the google searches came from the man in the street who had caught flu and needed some information; or from a parent or carer or even health worker who wanted to know what was happening in their area.

Either way, I think we are seeing here one way in which the social aspects of the internet can be  a force for good and for change.

There is a pdf file for you to download here: http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/vaop/ncurrent/pdf/nature07634.pdf. You can currently find the details of this research at the home page of www.google.org too.

DW

VAT and Politicians

Have you seen this week’s utter nonsense in Parliament?

The government is cutting VAT from Monday next and the opposition party among others said, no, no, no, bad idea.

Then someone leaked or accidentally announced that the government CONSIDERED raising VAT at some time in the future. The cry was, no, no, no, bad idea.

These stupid people.

DW

Recent Trips

This is really by way of an advertisement!!

I have just noticed that my mobile phone shows me that since September of this year I have spent time in

• London
• Kuala Lumpur
• Liverpool
• Halifax
• Dubai
• Bangkok
• Singapore
• Beijing

Not bad I think. More to come and I’m still trying to make up my mind as to which country I want to spend new year’s eve in … the 50th country I will have visited!

DW

The Size of the Problem: but no heads rolled

The credit crisis is going on and on. It is very clear now that the banks and finance world have been out of contol for a very long time. They have been creating and dealing in what have proven to be essentially fictitious assets.

The rest of the world is bailing out these people but I have to confess that I have yet to see too many stories of CEOs, CFOs etc being called to account. I would like corporate governance to call these INDIVIDUALS to account.

I do appreciate that the likes of Lehman Brothers collapsed but that took with it clients and their money who were probably innocent.

DW
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London Trip

I am back at home after a successful two day trip to London. This morning in particular was sunny and ideal for photography.

I took almost 100 photos and will post one or two here.

The train to and from London was much better than the last time I went. Quicker, cleaner and more modern. Not cheap though.

More tomorrow.

DW
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Thank you The Royal Mail

I got a Christmas card from the Royal Mail yesterday. Thank you RM, much appreciated. However, I don't understand it! On the front of the card it says:

We're all about this Christmas

On the one hand it's understandable but on the other it's like that phrase that the 12 year olds at the BBC use, "Here are some stories to keep you across"

Humbug!

DW
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I just love this graphic

There is a serious message behind the graphic I am sending you to here, courtesy of The Economist; but I think it is such a suave chart. I dream of being able to produce graphics like this!

http://media.economist.com/images/na/2008w47/co2.jpg

DW

Blog of the Year

Hooray! You will probably not be in the least bit surprised to hear that Duncan’s Diurnal Diatribe has been voted BLOG OF THE YEAR 2008.

I’d like to thank …

Yours in humility

DW

Nigerian Scam

You will guffaw at this, I know I did!

Talking to a couple colleagues the other day and for some reason we talked about Nigerian scams: Dear Blah, my father died and has left me $12,500,000.00 (don’t you just love the 0.00 at the end?) … give me all of your bank account details and I will transfer that money to you … you keep scads and I take the rest …

Well, here’s one that apparently has seriously caught out a few people:

Loveletter Odwomu is proudly serving Nigeria on board the International Space Station. He has been there for three weeks and has carried out many valuable experiments for Nigeria and mankind. Now, however, Loveletter’s got a problem: he needs $2,500,000.00 to get home. Loveletter paid for his fare to get him to the Station but his investments have been hit by the world wide banking crisis … please send all you can to …

DW

Tut, tut, tut The Economist

I have just read in a recent edition of The Economist that David Cameron is “likely to be the next Prime Minister” [of the UK]. Oh really?

Then, whilst talking about Tory Toffs like Cameron and George Osborne, they say that there are non Toffs high up in the ranks of the Parliamentary Tory Party. They named William Hague and Michael Gove. Is that good?

Since Hague and Gove are on my hit list of men most in need of political castration, I found myself gasping that The Economist could publish such things.

DW

Prostitution: the Home Secretary fell further down the stupid tree

The UK Government wants to protect women in prostitution who are being trafficked and controlled. That is, those poor women who are under the influence of someone odious who is taking their money, their passport perhaps …

I agree people (ie not only women) who are working as prostitutes should be able to do so under their own terms and conditions, free from financial and other control. I do NOT believe for a moment that all prostitutes are down trodden women who are desperate and under the control of a man and only a man.

So far so good: if the government can eliminate such awful nonsense then I will be as happy as anyone.

What the Home Secretary has done is to bring forward a proposal that anyone who uses the services of a prostitute who is working under the control and duress of another is guilty of a crime. Does the Home Secretary not realise the Chief Wiggins moments that are going to ensue? Imagine this:

Lady: Good evening, sir, do you want business?

Man: Yes, how much?

Lady: £50 in your car and £60 in my flat.

Man: OK, in the car. Oh!, by the way are you under the control and duress of a prostitute Baron aka a pimp or are you working of your own free will?

Lady: (Shifting nervously from foot to foot and looking furtively up and down the street) No, no, no; I am doing this because I want to, the kids need feeding ...

Man: Are you sure?

Lady: Yes, honestly, love. C’mon, let’s go. (She gets into the car as a man watching from afar with binoculars and listening with a long range directional microphone smiles contentedly to himself.)

Man: OK, good. (Drives off)

One more clunk from a hefty branch there, then, Home Secretary.

DW

Passion is the new Amazing

I have got heartily sick of how amazing things are these days. However, the word passion is now being even more widely over used.

Every now and again I like to watch cookery programmes; but I am wary now because I find the number people who are passionate about cheese, meat, frying ... is, well, amazing.

The same with anything to do with football. The amount of passion in football is astonishing.

How about a bit of variety? Let's think of new words for amazing and passion.

Amazing: _________

Passion: _________


DW
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Rachmaninov's Vespers

A long time ago I went to a performance of Rachmaninov's Vespers in King's College Chapel, Cambridge. It was a magnificent evening. Glorious music and song in a perfect setting. Three encores I think.

I bought a CD of the Vespers a little while later and it is a marvellous thing.

Now, I have transferred Vespers to my iPod and it is heavenly to listen to. I especially like Blazhen Muzh and Bogoroditsye Devo

DW
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Using ‘power curves’ to assess industry dynamics

This just came in via my inbox from The McKinsey Quarterly:

Plotting the structure of industries across markets and geographies reveals a startling and increasing inequality in size and performance among even the largest companies.
What emerges is a “power curve” pattern characterized by a short “head,” comprising a few companies with extremely large incomes and quickly dropping off to a long “tail” of significantly smaller competitors.
These power curves can be a useful diagnostic tool for understanding the structural dynamics of an industry and a company’s role and options in its evolution.

Now, I am the first to admit that I am not McKinsey calibre but I am way ahead of this one as I have been analysing and presenting such curves for years.

DW

They’re Dead

I have just read the ghastly news in the FT (http://www.ft.com/cms/s/1/28face8a-b22e-11dd-bbc9-0000779fd18c.html) that you can have someone’s ashes turned into an artificial diamond once they have been cremated.

What on earth will they think of next?

DW

Condensation

The condensation on the windows in Kuala Lumpur forms on the outside of the windows, not indoors. The same on cars, too

How about that?

DW
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Credit Card Companies

I warned people about the problems that would follow if the credit card companies started to suffer.

Well, some CC companies are converting to banks to get access to certain forms of finance.

I keep warning you!

DW
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Snotus!

In the Low Yat Centre in Kuala Lumpur last night in a veggie restaurant when I spotted a packet of flowery/herbal tea. It was the name, however, that really caught my eye so I couldn’t resist taking its photo:

You might be able to work out that the name SNOTUS seems to come from one of its ingredients: SNOw loTUS … it could be fine in Malay and Chinese but …

 

DW

Jack … is it amazing?

I just read that the name Jack has been the top boy’s name for babies born in the UK for all of the last 13 years to the end of 2007. I find that interesting.

I read that fact in a booklet from the Office of National Statistics (ONS) where they say it is “amazing” that Jack has been number one for so long. Do YOU think it’s amazing? Are you really amazed by that?

I know some of you think I am barking mad in this respect but I wrote to the ONS asking them why they thought it was so amazing. If they reply I’ll let you know what they say!

DW

Japan Goes Bananas

Did you know that Japan is suffering from a banana crisis, according to Time magazine. Read on, then:

Japanese consumers eager to try the latest fad diet to sweep the country, the Morning Banana Diet, are finding it difficult to buy the fruit that gives the diet its name. Invented by a pharmacist to help her husband, Hitoshi, to lose weight, the Morning Banana Diet took off when he discussed his weight loss of 37 pounds on www.mixi.jp, a Japanese social networking site. When a TV show profiled an opera singer who lost 15 pounds in 6 weeks on the diet, a banana shortage was born.
Life Corporation, which runs 201supermarkets throughout Japan, has seen a 70% - 80% increase in weekly sales and Dole Japan, a leading importer, has boosted imports by 25%; and still can't keep up with demand. Books about the diet have so far sold about 730,000 copies.

Source:
"Japan Goes Bananas for a New Diet," Time magazine, October 17, 2008.

Odd that!

DW

iPod Inconsistencies or is it the BBC?

Now you know I don’t like to moan but even the iPod touch seems to have Microsoft like inconsistencies. I’ve told you the story of how I can’t download some software because I am away from home.

Well, today I downloaded a podcast from the good old BBC of the Chelsea v Sunderland goals. I clicked on play and the posh chappie from the BBC pronounced that for copyright reasons I wasn’t allowed to see the goals.

SO WHY DID YOU LET ME DOWNLOAD THE FRICKING THING THEN?

Who are these wasters?

DW

iPod Woes

I can’t half pick ‘em.

You know I just bought an iPod touch. I have transferred loads of music and photos etc onto it. It’s a good thing.

It tells me to update the software so I try. It tells me it cannot reach the server. Over and over again.

I write to Apple for help. They reply, I do what they say and it doesn’t work. I write back and they ignore me. I write again and TWO people reply: different solutions.

New solution one also fails.

Solution two tells me not to bother trying to update anything because the system knows that I am travelling away from home. It doesn’t like me travelling away from home. It throws a hissy fit and stops my downloads.

I write and thank them both: properly, of course, as they are only doing their jobs.

I add, though,that iPods are built to allow us to enjoy music and films etc on the move so they shouldn’t be surprised when we move around with our iPods and stuff!

In 12 day’s time I will get back home and see what might happen then!

DW

An Impressive Advertising Budget

This is all I will say about the US Presidential election result.

Give me

• two years
• $1,600,000,000 to spend on advertising/campaigning

and I will become President of the USA.

You have to be desperate and excessively wasteful to spend that amount of money just to pass a job interview.

Don’t forget, also, that McCain only spent $924,000,000 on himself.

DW

Gusset Trauma and Manchester University's Toilets

Gusset Trauma

How about this? I have just been told that there is a sign at the top of the Jumeirah Sheikher water slide at Wild Wadi in Dubai that says this:

"Keep legs crossed to prevent gusset trauma."

Doesn't bear thinking about does it?

Manchester University's Toilets

I have come late to this story I think but I was told this evening that the signs on ALL Manky Uni's toilets were changed to say

• Either non urinal toilet (women)
• Or urinal toilet (men)

This cost the Uni GBP70,000.

Who are these people who wasted this money? Which managers allowed themselves to get involved in such a stupid, peurile discussion?

DW

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I am touched

I have dragged myself one step nearer to the rest of the human race and bought an iPod touch. It's kept me awake most of the night. Firstly because it took over two hours to download the iTunes software via the hotel's "High Speed Internet". Secondly, it's magical innit?

It's got my music already and now it's grabbing my photos. Just wait till I get home and give it ALL of my photos and music.

DW
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Overheard ...

Standing in the queue at Starbucks in Manchester Airport, the lady in front of me asked if her Latte had any milk in it.

The young lady behind the counter was very kind and with a slight smile on her face said that it was made with milk!

Well done that young lady!!

DW
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The Phone Rang Twice

I live in a mobile world and most of my communication is done by email. The phone rings infrequently!

Today, though, I received a call at 05:53 and then another one from another person at 06:35. One call came from foreign lands and the other from the UK!

How about that?

DW
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Oil price Speculation, the Cat is out of the bag

I have written before about the relationship between speculation and oil prices over the last 12 months or so. We have read in the newspapers that speculation was not to blame for the rapid rise of oil prices to around $150 per barrel. Here is a quotation taken from The Times newspaper dated Tuesday, 28 October 2008, the speaker is Abdulla al Badri who is a senior executive at OPEC:

We just want to balance the market, he said. He blamed speculators for the spike in prices this year to a high of $147 a barrel on 11^th July. Hedge funds were using oil as an asset class, he said. The paper market was out of control will. Nobody was controlling it. We want to see a price that is driven by fundamentals not by speculators, he said.

Mister al Badri said he was not concerned about the risk that high oil prices could ultimately harm OPEC by undermining demand.

So now you know the truth … exactly what I have been saying all along.

DW

Happily Brassed off!

I spent the day in Liverpool for the first time in many years and I came home brassed off!

In a good way, of course.

What happened was that I spent an hour or so in the HMV shop in Liverpool where I found and bought the DVD of the fantastic film starring Pete Postlethwaite, Brassed off!

There are two main themes in this film:

• the closure of over 100 coal mines in the UK thanks to Thatcher and Major; and
• the fantastic brass band music played throughout

A good but simple story with some very fine acting and some excellent brass band music, courtesy of the Grimethorpe Colliery Band.

Brassed off and happy.

DW

Liverpool and M&S

In general I like the centre of Liverpool and have spent today walking around and shopping in it.

The black spot was the entrance to M&S: the word sepulchral came to mind. Sir Stuart Rose probably designed this one himself after seeing how badly he has managed the company's share price.

DW
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Christmas Cake for 2008

Every year since 1975, with only one exception, I have made a Christmas Cake. This year is not an exception and as proof of that here is the cake that I have just made:

Of course, the recipe I use is the Be-Ro Recipe: there is no finer Christmas cake.

As a matter of interest, what does Be-Ro or BeRo stand for?

Look at the picture above and you might just spot that there is a second cake on the right of the main cake. Every time I make a Christmas cake I make what I call a tester. The mixture that is left over having made the main cake goes into making a smaller cake for immediate consumption.

The main cake will be stored as it matures ready for Christmas Day. I will, of course, decorate it for the big day!

DW

Hitler: far too much coverage now

It is axiomatic that Adolf Hitler has had a major influence on the lives of all of us. However, I am becoming rather disturbed at the number of Hitler centric television programmes that continue to be aired these days.

I have noticed over the last week or two that as I flick through the various knowledge channels, that at any one time there is one and maybe two programmes on air that have Hitler as the central theme.

I wonder what the real demand is for these programmes; and I wonder what value they are adding these days.

As I type this they are discussing yet another book on Hitler and the Third Reich on Radio 4.

Time to leave this subject to historians I think.

DW

Edward Stourton, a right regular guy

Everyone following this Blog knows that I am keen to keep AmerEnglish from these shores. Everyone also knows that such a mission is akin to fighting a losing battle.

I took part in a mini squabble yesterday with Edward Stourton, BBC Radio Presenter. He talked in the Sunday programme yesterday about a regular London bus. I wrote and asked,

Dear Mr Stourton,

On your Sunday programme on Radio 4 today, you talked about a "regular London bus". I would be interested to learn what such a bus looks like and what it does.

Duncan Williamson

Halifax, West Yorkshire

Stourton responded with this,

Well they tend to be large and red and ferry people about (and threaten cyclists like me, but that's another matter)

Kind regards,

Edward Stourton

Of course that wasn’t the response that he should have given so I followed up with,

Thanks for the reply but you will appreciate that my main question was to wonder what made them regular ... as opposed to, let's say, irregular.

You might gather I am an anti AmerEnglish activist.

Duncan

I have had no response to that missive so I have assumed that I have either scored a micro victory or that I have been swatted away as an annoyance.

Why have I persisted with this matter? Well, Stourton has a 2:1 degree in ENGLISH from Cambridge University no less and since he is just about the same age as me, he has had consciously to learn to use the American usage of the word regular in his every day speech.

I will not stop this campaign.

DW

Mandelson Again

I predicted it but I didn't think it would be this quick.

Peter Mandelson has been back in UK politics for just three weeks and already there are headlines in the papers calling for answers to many questions.

Mandelson has changed his story over the Deripaska affair and whilst I am NOT accusing him of lying, that is an unfortunate turn of events.

Mandelson is not alone, of course, as Tory George Osborne, that sub standard Shadow Chancellor, has been feted by the self same Deripaska.

These politicians: when will we learn? When will they learn?

DW
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UK GDP Analysis of Quarters 2 and 3

Following my earlier post on the me, me, me syndrome, here is my initial analysis of the data from the Office of National Statistics for you. I have converted the text on the page I sent you to into tabular format and from there have prepared two pie charts.

These additional resources will help you with your understanding. There is a further chart on the ONS page that I haven’t included here.

Go to http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=192 for the original data. What follows is my analysis

Analysis of UK GDP: Quarters 2 and 3 for 2008	Analysis of UK GDP: Quarter 3 for 2008	Analysis of UK GDP: Quarter 2 for 2009
	Q3	Q2
GDP Whole Economy	-0.5	0
Construction	-0.8	-0.5
Total Production Output	-1	-0.7
Manufacturing	-1	-0.9
Mining and Quarrying	-0.7	-0.1
Electricity, gas and water	-1	-0.1
Services	-0.4	0.2
Distribution, hotels and restaurants	-1.7	0.2
Transport, storage and communications	-0.6	1
Business services and finance	-0.4	0.1
Government and other services	0.4	0.2
Agriculture, forestry and fishing	0.5	0.4
Source: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=192

DW

Me, me, me ... I said it first ... the sequel

This is a simulcast

 

It's official, the quarter ending the end of September shows that the UK Economy has slowed by 0.5%. Not a massve slwing down of course and such official statistics are subject to major errors but here is my comment on what has then happened.

 

Both the BBC and Financial Times have said that because ONE QUARTER's results have shown a negative return, Britain is therefore entering a recession.

 

The BBC said: recession looms

The FT said: Data confirm UK on brink of recession

 

Firstly, since when does ONE RESULT consitute a trend?

Secondly, whenever I talk to anyone about statistical analysis and forecasting, I advise them to consider a minimum of fiver periods/quartrs/years before they get too excited about anything.

 

We ought to look at the trend rather than sitting smugly at the thought of having said, "Me, me, me ... I said it first." Take a look at where these estimates of GDP rates of change have come from: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=192 You will see here the FULL picture of what is happening. Moreover, do take into account what the FT says, You should take the data on offer there and take a look at what is happening sector by sector. For example,they tell us that manufacturing has fallen by 1%: OK, that's serious; but since manufacturing accounts for only around 12% of the UK's GDP, that's not that serious overall is it?

The data released on Friday are the "flash estimate" of GDP, a number notoriously subject to revision. There was a grain of comfort in the fact that GDP for the second quarter was unrevised and showed zero, rather than declining, growth. (See http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/7e9feb8a-a1a4-11dd-a32f-000077b07658.html?nclick_check=1)

These people have been desperate to drive house prices down for years, now they are desperate to build us all up for a year of a recession. The me, me, me brigade has, however, already started to doom monger their way to the front of the queue by talking about a slump for the UK. These people. In China, they get it right when they ask their journalists not to behave like this: scare mongering. I think the Chinese are right; and NO ONE is talking about censorship here either.

 

 

DW

Top Tip

It's been a while since I have given a top tip but here's one.

If you find something small on the floor that is deep red in colour, only put it without thinking on your deep red stair carpet if you want to spend ages looking for it.

DW
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Updated BlackBerry OS

I updated my BlackBerry's operating system last night and in spite of the fact that it took about two hours to do it is well worth the change.

Looks better and greater functionality. I've now got a video camera with it. Email messages look different: better style and feel. the band at the top of the desktop has gone so it shows all of a wallpaper image rather than hiding that part of it.

My Lex on FT.com link works at last ... But bot my FT Reader yet.

So far so good.

DW


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Hewlett Packard: the worst after sales service

This is a tale of woe. I am not especially complaining about a poor product although that is bad enough. The HP Pavilion tx1350ee laptop computer I bought last November has suffered from three major problems in its short life. A motherboard has burned out twice, its radio/bluetooth transmitter has failed twice and now it is totally inaccessible for another unfathomable reason.

My gripe is that each time I had a problem I have had a battle with HP’s after sales service to get them to honour the international warranty that comes with the computer.

I don’t intend to set out every single battle I have gone through since last November but I am publishing here the second of two letters I have written to the company over the last three weeks or so. If HP wants to respond to my letters by way of a comment here I will publish it without any editing whilst retaining the full right of reply.

Let me tell you what has happened as a result of these letters before you read them. Following my first letter I received a call from the Customer Services Department. They acknowledged the receipt of my letter and told me they were to send me a recovery CD/DVD in an attempt to solve my problem. They called over a week after I sent my letter and almost two weeks before I wrote my second letter as a result of not having received any CD/DVD.

Today, the day after I posted my second letter, I received another call from the Customer Services Department. In that call they asked me if I had received the disc. I said no. Then I told him I had written another letter to their Director and was considering legal action to recover my losses following their failure to apply the conditions of their warranty.

Well, here is the second letter:

Dear Sir,

On 29^th September I wrote to you telling you that I was at the end of my tether.

I explained how my HP Pavilion tx1350ee laptop had stopped working and that I was unable to resolve the problem on my own. I also outlined the entire day that I wasted in trying to get any sense out of your after sales service people. I went round and round in circles trying to get someone to help me but ended up in long queues on the telephone: of course I was paying heavily per minute for these calls and a cynic would accuse you of creating these queues to bolster your revenues.

I was given unobtainable numbers to call by your staff, I was generally abused and in the end, after about eight hours, 15 calls and no progress I was handed over to your customer services department whose sole recommendation to me was to call again one of the numbers where your staff were particularly unhelpful.

On Thursday 9^th October I received a telephone call from someone purporting to be from your company. They referred to my letter of 29^th September and after a short introduction he told me that he would be sending me the Recovery CDs that I need. Well, why am I not surprised that almost two weeks later I have received absolutely nothing from you?

I am sitting here now looking at an expensive and utterly useless laptop computer. It will not work and you are not helping me in spite of your International Warranty. You are failing in your duty to help me.

Let me explain further: I told you in my letter of 29^th September that the HP laptop is my business computer and that I need it in order to carry out my duties for my clients. Since your service is so bad, so slow; and because you seem to be working in complete contradiction of your code of business ethics of course, I have had to buy another laptop to keep my business working. You alone have caused me to have to spend almost £400 of my own money to bale out HP. Depending on your response to this letter, I am considering taking legal action to recover this expense from you.

I did remind you of your code of business ethics in my previous letter; and here are the pertinent elements of that code again:

• We are passionate about our customers
• We have ... respect for individuals
• We perform at a high level of achievement and contribution
• We act with speed and agility

Can you hold up your hand and claim that you have not broken all of these promises? In my experience you have smashed them all.

This is the third major problem I have had with this laptop and my experience of your customer services is that they are woeful. I really don’t know how many of your customers are suffering in the way that I have or who are prepared to be as direct as I am; but you get my award for the worst customer services organisation of 2008.

Yours sincerely

I told the Customer Services man on the phone today that the service they were offering was rubbish and since I was going on a lengthy business trip starting early on Thursday, I asked him if he could get the recovery CD to me tomorrow, Wednesday. His absolutely uninspiring response was that he would see what he could do.

DW

Yesterday ... all my troubles went so far away!

Well, if only the title were true! Not that I am in deep poo or anything despite seeing two single Magpies yesterday. I got my screwdriver out to take a look at the screen on my old Acer laptop (the one I am using for this!): it lurches from normal to garbled at the drop of a hat. When I got to Bangkok the other week, it became seriously garbled. So much so that I thought it would be unusable for my presentations there. Fortunately, the screen is perfectly watchable when linked to a projector, even thought the screen itself remained garbled. So I took the cover of the screen off following advice from a web site and fiddled with wires etc. I was convinced that the problem is a dodgy link or wire. I was right. I found that if I press on part of the gubbins at the top and back of the screen, the image on the screen is stable. I then found that by stuffing something under a piece a little lower down, I can keep the duff connections together. Clearly there is a problem and clearly it is a connection problem. again. It is, however, much easier to set back to normal again.This morning, I am facing a good screen but more frequently than I would like it goes garbled. I will take the back off again and stuff a bit more paper in there to stabilise the screen and then be happier. Apart from that, this Acer TravelMate 3220 is old but a good machine. If I am happy enough with the screen by around midday I will be upgrading the memory to 2Gb from 1Gb and it definitely needs a new battery. A new battery can cost as little as £35 - 40 now. I could replace the screen for around £75 but I don't want to do that: I will be happy with make do and mend for a while yet. I still use this computer because it has my Office 2003 installation on it and when I am demonstrating Excel, for example, the majority of people and businesses I am working with are still using Office 2003. I also use it as backup when ... All of this is in complete contradistinction to my experience with my HP Pavilion tx1350ee laptop. I am going to blog separately on that and I am going to include the two letters I have recently written to them following three major crashes in only 10 months and suffering from their appalling after sales service. DW

Me, me, me ... I said it first

This is a simulcast.

The latest of our "experts" to "confirm" that the UK is already in recession blethered forth today. Ernst and Young did it today.

This nonsense replaces the dash to be first "confirm" the downturn in the housing market.

That's not to say E&Y haven't got it right, it's the littany of reports all making the same predictions that's getting on my nerves.

DW
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Sex, Dad, Getting a Taxi

Sex and the City

I got desperate on the flight home and settled down to watch the Sex and the City film. Well, I know that many of you will disagree with me but after about 10 minutes I realised I couldn’t watch those middle aged women living as if they were 20 year olds. What with their love lives, the houses they were buying,their relationships and priorities.

It was like watching a geriatric version of Friends if you want an analogy. So I switched it off.

Dad

During my last few hours of my latest trip to Dubai I meandered into the Virgin Megastore to see what CDs/DVDs they might have that might be interesting for me. I bought a trumpet music CD and was happy with that. I then saw a CD entitled, Just for Dad. I picked up Just for Dad but when I started reading the names of the groups and the songs I realised that about a third of them were too recent for me. Gulp! That was a bit of a reality check!

Getting a Taxi

Some of the people who travel on aeroplanes have a problem with their mobile phone. These people feel the need to switch them on even whilst the plane is still in the air. For some reason known only to them, they seem to know that nothing bad can happen to the rest of us as they switch on their phone, so they do. Nokia phones are the biggest give away with their unique bing bing message announcement tune!

Well,as we arrived at Manchester, some clot behind me decided that it was safe for him to call his local taxi company as we were coming in to land and this is what he asked, Can I get a taxi … I wondered, how on earth is he going to get a taxi whilst he is still in mid air. Moreover, in what way did he think he could get a taxi? I think he was trying to be some kind of cool American by speaking like that. When someone asks me if they can, for example, get a cup of coffee, I say, no, don’t worry, the waitress will get it for you.

DW

New trend

Just been into Halifax and saw two young ladies walking around in bare feet. Is this a new trend or just a coincidence?

DW
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Singapore Airlines

Is it my eyesight or are the air stewardesses who work for Singapore Airlines tending to lard like the rest of us? Of course I am being a bit sexist as the majority of the cabin crew are female on SIA and I don’t remember seeing a podgy steward yet.

There are many very slim and of course attractive stewardesses working for SIA but I did notice the odd bulging and even split seam on one or two uniforms on last night’s flight.

Last night’s flight from Singapore to Manchester was, let the record show, my longest ever flight. It took us around 13.5 hours and my previous longest was Los Angeles to Hong Kong in 1992.

There you go!

DW

Brian and the Thai Bride

Now I have to be careful here but this story struck me as more of a warning than a happy ending. This story came from someone I met whilst travelling.

Brian went to Pattaya in Thailand and after a few days he met a young lady from the North of Thailand who was working in a bar. No comment or judgement at all, just reporting what was told to me.

At the end of that holiday Brian decided he liked the girl but made no commitment. The girl felt she needed to stop working in a bar and went home as Brian went home.

A year later, Brian went back to Pattaya for more good times with young Thai ladies. The story now says that last year’s Thai girl guessed that Brian would be back at that time and lo and behold was in Pattaya waiting for him when he arrived. Yeah, right!

Still, they did hit it off again and after a couple of years of romance, they got married.

Before you dismiss this as bile on my part together with assumptions and so on, Brian was on the plane at the time I was told the story so I did see him and his young wife. He’s 57 and she’s27.

DW

Software Woes

We need to rise up and be strong. I BOUGHT Dreamweaver CS3 the other day but after installation I spent 5-6 hours trying to get it to run. I sent a plea for help to Adobe and I have still heard nothing. I got onto a Dreamweaver forum and my sanity was restored by Dave who gave me the solution to the problem. Dave suffered like me and got his solution via has laptop maker, not Adobe. Without Dave I would be even more frustrated and as far as I know, Dave is not a geek and is just a victim like the rest of us. In the middle of this latest nonsense, I consulted a Solicitor (lawyer/attorney) over my rights when I buy goods that are possibly not of merchantable quality ... waste my time trying to get them to work ... and if I had not got a solution I might well have considered legal action. In the future, you might well see me in Court ... fighting for the little guy! DW

Where?

I'm idling away a few hours near here: N1 degree 16.8812 minutes, E103 degrees 50.3366 minutes ±13 metres according to the eight satellites my phone talked to.

That was at 13:35 local time. It's 15:39 now.

DW
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Google Maps

I just installed Google Maps on my mobile and, being a bit like that, I was excited to find that the little flashing blue dot on a point of the map EXACTLY where I am in the world, is spot on!

In the same way, I was excited t night to learn that by formatting a cell in an Excel spreadsheet like this,

#0 “This will be in the cell too”

you will see 20 This will be in the cell too if you just enter the number 20 in that cell.

DW

The Banana Leaf Apolo Singapore

Another winning meal in Singapore. I have just eaten an excellent curry at the Banana Leaf Apolo in Little India. Old fashioned in lots of respects, busy, big kitchen and loads of choice even for a veggie like me.

I have some veggie samosas to start with then black dal, paneer in a spinach sauce and steamed rice. Really good quality and brilliant value for money.

In addition to telling you about the restaurant, I want you to know about an award they have won. Take a look at this page to see the certificate you will find at the front of their menu: http://www.thebananaleafapolo.com/award.htm Don’t you just love it? Not only have they won the award but who else would have thought of serving 1,101 fish head curry dishes at one sitting? Isn’t it handy they had 1,101 fish heads lying around?!!

More than that, the fish heads in question are BIG: they’re not gold fish or sprats, they are big fish heads!

Little India is all dressed up for the Festival of Lights, Deepavali, too; and here is some proof of that, taken just before I got to the restaurant.

Uniquely Singapore as they say!

DW

Chinese Restaurants in Singapore

After many indifferent quality vegetarian meals in a variety of restaurants in the UK, it is a real pleasure to be here in Singapore to taste some excellent quality restaurant vegetarian food.

In the last 24 hours I have been to two Chinese restaurants here and whilst they were in different locations, they were both top quality. They were not expensive either: I ate lone at the first one and paid the equivalent of around GBP10 whereas tonight I ate with a friend and we spent the princely sum of around GBP20 for the two of us.

Good quality, tasty, well served and in nice surroundings. Not your chipboard, plastic fork and spoon jobs either.

DW

New Computer … Gates will get on your nerves

I am not alone but I am constantly astonished at the ineptitude of the Microsoft set of offerings.

My HP laptop has severely let me down for the the THIRD time in its short 10 month history. HP customer service is shockingly appallingly bad in the UK too. Given the work that I do, I have had to buy yet another computer: this time I went for a brand I know, Acer; and bought a good spec laptop in Singapore at a low price.

So I found a bit of time just before leaving my hotel in Bangkok to do some setting up work. That’s when I fell foul of Microsoft’s latest:

Outlook started by crashing

Then it wanted me to update some software that has so far taken me over an hour to download.

I also wanted to install Windows Live Writer (this MS offering SEEMS good!). I downloaded and installed from the relevant MS page. Then when I used it I was told that the software had expired and that I should download the latest version. I believed them so I did that. More wasted time. Then I started the software again to be told that it had expired and I should download it again. FFS as my nephew said the other day!!

I am now at the stage where I want to start suing these people for wasting my time and my money.

DW

Peter Mandelson

I see this gay blade is to return to the UK Government in some form. I give him six months. There have been knives out for this man before and they will be out again.

Gordon Brown is under attack too and this is another front of attack.

You heard it here first.

DW

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Coolpis

I kid you not: in Asia they sell something called Coolpis Kimchee.

Kimchee is a tasty and healthy Chinese cabbage salad ... What made them add the coolpis though?

DW
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MAN Breakfast

How about this for haute cuisine and health consciousness at Manchester Airport?

Full English Breakfast and a pint of Lager £9.99 ... astonishing bilge.

DW
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Grassington

In the Square in Grassington there is a shop called the Rustic Rabbit and next door the shop is owned by Robert Bunney.

I kid you not!

DW
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Scabchester United

I was horrified and disgusted yesterday when I watched the Manchester United v Bolton.

 

I switched on to see a penalty area and Cristiano Ronaldo falling to the floor inside the area. I said, I didn't see what happened but I know it CANNOT have been a penalty. I was right but referee Styles awarded Scabchester Utd a penalty. That man is a penalty cheat and yet he wins penalties far too much for ANYONE's liking.

 

Scabchester is such a good team, they do not need to cheat.

 

Simply awful.

 

DW

Mortgages as they used to be

I have just come across this and thought it was so good and so simple that I had to share it. Please remember that anyone who is around about 45 years older and more will recognise what you are about to read: this is exactly how it used to be.

“One case in point is Hudson City Bancorp, a 140 year old company based in Paramus, New Jersey that has managed to avoid the mortgage meltdown and continues to post tremendous results. Business journalists have discovered this quiet little outfit and marvelled at its strategic insights. Its shares are up 50% since last August, when the credit crisis really kicked in. "Hudson City banks the old-fashioned way," Newsweek marvelled. "It takes deposits and makes mortgages to people who buy homes in which they plan to live. And then it hangs on to" the mortgages, rather than sell them in the secondary market.

Imagine the brilliance! Take deposits. Make sensible loans. Repeat over and over again, until your market capitalisation approaches $10 billion.” PLEASE NOTE THE IRONY!!

The New York Times tried to unpack the secrets of Hudson's success and offered this analysis: "The bank carefully screened loan applicants to ensure they would be able both to afford a new house and reside there, rather than flip it. And the bank demanded hefty down payments ... as a cushion against any sharp drop in home prices, because it planned to hang on to the loans."

What a formula! Make sure borrowers can afford their loans. Insist that they make a big down payment. Favour owners over speculators. AGAIN NOTE THE IRONY!!”

The real benefit of what this traditional, safe and sensible mortgage provider does is easily seen in the following figures:

“The bank has written 100,000 mortgages worth $26 billion and has a grand total of 15 foreclosures. Not 15%, just 15 mortgages out of 100,000.”

Source: http://discussionleader.hbsp.com/taylor/2008/09/why_the_mortgage_meltdown_hasn.html?cm_mmc=npv-_-LISTSERV-_-SEP_2008-_-STRATEGY

So, here is the model of what we used to do in the pre Thatcher days. So what went wrong? It’s obvious isn’t it?!

DW

Windows Live Writer

I am always one to try something new and to be as up to date as possible in the computing world. I don’t necessarily have the biggest and best hardware but I like my software to be up to date.

I run Office 2007, I have just upgraded Smart Draw to version 2009, I have reinstalled Dreamweaver and yesterday I installed Acrobat Reader version 9. Just a few examples of my software world.

Here’s another example: I have just installed Windows Live Writer (Beta) and this message is coming to you, together with the following photo and table, courtesy of WLW. Let’s see if it’s any good. I am not going to stress the system, just testing as uploading photos to this Blog is a bit of a faff: not difficult but a faff.

I like this photo of some arch ways to be found in the Forbidden City: I call it Cloisters.

WLW also claims to be able to include tables in a posting so let’s try that too:

Destination	Duration
Geneva	6 days
Beijing	9 days

There you are and if I can shrink it down enough, I am going to upload a video of yours truly walking around a part of Beijing. The title includes the phrase Hapless Tyke, so that gives you a clue of the flavour of the film.

DW

Wise Words from Henry Ford

Remembering the apparently ongoing financial crisis, how prophetic are these words?

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

True!!

DW
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Britain's Finest

Although I spend a lot of time abroad I do appreciate some of the finer things that Britain has to offer. To whit, I have just enjoyed a meal comprising wholemeal bread and butter with a plate of mushy peas. You can't beat that!

Please note, proper mushy peas made from dehydrated marrowfat peas and not, never, from a tin!

DW
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The Ordinary Rose Speaks

Stuart Rose (bogus Chairman of M&S) has opened his empty mouth again. Rose is reported as saying that the government was too slow to react to recent financial market woes.

Gee Rosie, teach me your insights. Nothing to do with 20: 20 hindsight then!

Clot!

DW
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Google's Chrome Browser

I downloaded and started using google’s Chrome web browser because I was sick to death of seeing Internet Explorer using as much as 100 megabytes of memory to bring me what often looked like the simplest of html pages. 

At first Chrome used up a lot less memory. Then I noticed yesterday that it was using THREE instances of memory ... don’t know how to say that really. All added up to about 70 – 80 Mb of RAM. 

I have just looked again and today Chrome is currently nestling in 105 Mb of RAM plus  25Mb of RAM and 43 Mb of RAM ... worse than IE, I can hardly believe it. They really are all the same these people. What is all that nonsense about Chrome being an new operating system within a browser and being more efficient and the rest of it? Bullspoo that's what! 

DW

Random Musings

Well, not so random really as regular readers to this august Blog will recognise the themes in what I am about to write. 

Obesity 

You might have been watching the Olympics and Paralympics on your television over the last month or so. In many of the programmes you will have seen you can’t help failing to have noticed how slim, indeed petite, many Chinese women and men are. It is a source of major embarrassment to go to somewhere like Beijing, then, to see representatives of your own country barrelling out of their hotel rooms into the streets, restaurants and sights of their host country. 

Who is it who has decided that it is becoming more acceptable and therefore normal for people to become and stay obese. Middle aged people become overweight and always have. Some more than others of course; but I am really concerned by this scenario: 

As I left Beijing I went to the airport in a mini bus with an English family of father, mother and two children: 

• Father around 6 feet tall and obese
• Mother around 5 feet 7 inches tall and obese
• Daughter as tall as her mother and around 22 – 24 years of age and obese
• Son as tall as his mother and around 17 – 18 years old and significantly overweight 

These people are unhealthy by dint of being overweight. At the moment they could tell me that they have made the choice to be obese and it is none of my business. Well, in a few years’ time when the father starts to get short of breath and maybe becomes one of the many on incapacity benefits and has to visit the hospital more and more for more and more treatment, then it ceases to be a personal matter and becomes a matter for society. The same with the mother. Even worse for their children as I assume that they have become obese or overweight many years before their parents. Hence the children will become a burden on the State a decade or even more before their parents will. 

This is a shocking state of affairs and these people need to be educated out of their Burger bars and their outsize portions in other equally unhealthy restaurants. 

The sad news is that it was apparent in Beijing that as China is becoming richer the Chinese are starting to suffer from Western dietary and weight problems. A few children and a few adults are outsize now. I can’t estimate what proportion of Chinese people are obese now but the signs are there. McDonalds is there as is KFC and all of the other monstrous fast food outlets that parade as restaurants. 

Authenticity … not 

On the plane home from Beijing I sat through the latest Indiana Jones film: like the rest, wham bam; heaps of incredible action; the Russkies are still managing to be the enemy … The film is set in the 40s or 50s, not sure although I think they did tell us the date and they obviously went to great lengths to make the buildings, the clothes and the cars all appropriate for the period. Then they did their usual thing with the language. Whilst the majority of things we say now are the same as the things we said in the 1940s and 1950s, their script writers and editors fail to appreciate that in those days even the Americans didn’t say things like this, in one sentence: 

It’s about money, it’s about fame, it’s about archaeology … 

If you’re going to go to such lengths to get the setting right, don’t forget the language too. 

Pink Floyd 

You might have seen that Richard Wright of Pink Floyd has just died: 65 years old and died of cancer. Again on the plane I took the chance to take a look at the Pink Floyd compilation they have on their ICE system (spot the airline!!) and found: 

• Arnold Layne
• See Emily Play
• Bike
• Among others

Loads of very fond memories came flooding back as I listened to them again … man! Ave atqe vale Richard! 

Diana Dors 

I think I have ranted about Diana Dors before. Dors was an overweight bleach blonde woman who was famous in the 1950s and 1960s in the UK. I couldn’t understand her fame then and I can’t understand it now. I watched a bit of her on the Tommy Cooper show on the ICE system. She tried to tell a joke: it fell flat. Then she tried to sing a song: she warbled. Tell me the secret and let me become a celebrity like that. 

Wow! 

I met a quiet and unassuming American on the Great Wall of China! He was in my tour party and we chatted a bit. He is an animator from Hollywood and works on projects for ESPN, Fox, ABC and a few of the other big television stations in the States. We talked about lots of things and he kept saying Wow! At first I thought he thought I was saying interesting and profound things. Then I heard him chatting to other people and he said wow to lots of things they were saying too! 

No offence, just his way of speaking I think. 

DW

She was Mobbed!

After her SILVER medal winning perfomance in Beijing last night daughter Fran came out to see her mam and me and she was beseiged by people wanting to have their photos taken with her.

Fran was a bit overwhelmed but copes well with these things.

These medals go in the vault at the bank now along with the others.

DW.
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Himalayas

Flew over the Himalayas this morning: they were bathed in unbroken and glorious sunshine most of the time. I've flown over them before but some things are just awe inspiring. They are so rich in features as well as beauty. DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Bronze for Fran

Daughter Fran has just won a Bronze medal for Great Britain at the Paralympics in Beijing. D0 metres Freestyle class S3.

One more race on Monday.

This is a fantastic place and event.

DW
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China 3

On the subject of Transport, I have come to a place a bit further away from the hotel than I was at the end of my Forbidden City walk yesterday. I took the Tube: stress and hassle free and it cost me just 2 Yuan to get here: that's 16 pence.

Stick your rickshaw laddie!

Meeting up with an old mate of mine from Malawi and Kazakhstan later. He's working on social security reform. Haven't seen him for about ten years.

DW
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China 1

This place is magnificent in the scale of the way it does things and there is an energy here that isn’t obvious everywhere else I go.

 

The Beijing Paralympic Games is being hosted on a grand scale, the event locations are grand and superb: talk about photogenic. I have been over to the water cube (cube? Whoever named it the cube must have been away sick when they were supposed to be learning about shapes in maths at school. It’s a cuboid) twice. The aquatic centre, to give its proper name, is right next door to the bird’s nest stadium and together they make up a magnificent spectacle at night. Thousands of people throng there too to enjoy the sights and the music driven water fountains.

 

I have been to watch some swimming events then and they are brilliant. Can you imagine winning a man with no arms winning the backstroke event? It happened. Can you imagine someone who is wheelchair bound winning the 100 metres freestyle event? It happened. These athletes are serious people. Life has cut them a dashing blow from birth or as the result of an accident but that didn’t leave them rotting in bed and wondering what to do. They have taken life at the full and they are doing something positive.

 

I watched the men’s Boccia final last night: a game akin to crown green and flat green bowling. The two Portuguese gentlemen in the final were wheelchair bound and clearly severely disabled. There they were though, playing this game to a high standard and giving it there all. I have said it before and I will say it again: those lousy young people in the UK and the rest of the world who mope around with “nothing to do” need to watch these athletes and think again.

 

On a thread on the Have your Say section of the BBC website there was a woman who said it is sick that the Paralympics is being held at all. I know who is the more sick don’t you? I couldn’t respond to that woman at the time but there were lots of people who put her properly and firmly in her place.

 

DW

China 2

Igot a taxi to the Forbidden City yesterday as I was worn out from all of my exertions and my right knee is giving me jip. As I walked to the entrance I was enticed by at least three men on bikes to buy a Lolex: cycle by Lolex watch salesmen they were.

 

On my Facebook page you will see a photo I took of a sign of a notice on the back window of a car that said “Baby in Road” ... I kid you not!

 

When you hear an older local speaking on their mobile phone before you see them you will immediately think:

 

There is a huge argument going on; or

This man has a grudge against the State and he is trying to get the world to listen

 

So Loud!

 

On arrival at the entrance to the Forbidden City they were drilling their guards. The guards in green uniforms were being drilled in turning left, moving forward one step ... all very balletic I have to say.

 

I heard and then saw my first Russian people today: three lots in the end.

 

By the end of my tour around the Forbidden City I was absolutely worn out: my knee isn’t painful but it is draining my energy. I was hiding from the rain and studying my map when a local who spoke English asked me where I was going. I told him Chongwenmen and he said he’d get a rickshaw for me ... cut a long story short, we set off with him manually pedalling me in his rickshaw. He then stopped someone in a motorised rickshaw. I paid the first man who then paid the second man. Deal done I thought and off we went. Very flexible mode of transport and we got to my hotel pretty quickly. When we stopped this driver asked for more money. Well, no language in common so I told him to follow me to the hotel where I asked one of the Hotel lads to help. Cut a long story short, he wanted the full fare from me. In the end, what this meant was that I paid the full fare. The fixer took one third for fixing the deal. The driver wanted 100%. I paid twice!! Now, it wasn’t much and all the driver wanted was the one third that the fixer took BUT I won’t use anything other than a formal taxi or the underground again. I paid a lot more for the rickshaw than I did for the taxi so that’s rubbish for a start.

 

DW

 

Beijing

I made it! It’s a long way from Khartoum to Beijing when you have to go via Doha, Dubai, Amsterdam, Manchester, Halifax, Manchester and Dubai. But it’s worth it.

 

I arrived at around 3:30 pm and after a false start when I couldn’t find the travel agent’s representative and then went to the wrong hotel I got to the proper hotel at around 5pm. Unpacked and then went straight to the Aquatic Centre to see Fran. Well, I SAW Fran but only across the pool. We’ll meet today.

 

Fabulous swimming centre and it’s right next door to the bird’s nest stadium which is just brilliant at night all lit up in red, orange and gold.

 

I travelled the length of Beijing to get from my hotel to the Olympic Green station and had to change lines twice in both directions but I only got lost right at the end when I left Chongwenmen station by the wrong door. I walked around a bit and then found a very helpful group of people willing to help me and one of them spoke English very well. She had no idea where I should go but found a man who did!

 

Off now to Tian’anman square and all that surrounds it before heading back to the aquatic centre this evening.

 

I have taken some snaps with my phone’s camera so far but will take my proper camera with me today.

 

Zai jian until later

 

DW

On the way toBeijing

I am flying Emirates to Beijing and am half way there: currently sitting at Starbucks in Dubai International Airport waiting for my connecting flight. Here are a few observations for you.

 

The first thing I did with Emirates’ fantastic entertainment system was to listen to Drip, drip, drip little April showers ... from the Disney cartoon Bambi. Can’t beat it.

 

I then watched a film about two schoolboys’ daft antics. English film with English actors set in England, in the main. One excellent moment, though, involved the really cool French exchange boy. This boy wanted to light his cigarette but didn’t have any matches or a lighter. He got several boys to line up and hold hands, with him as the last one. The first in the string of lads then touched the live wire in the street lamp they had opened up. Touch the wire, boys all jiggle a bit and French fag bursts into flames. Fantastic!

 

Two oldish Lancashire Lassies sitting across tbe aisle from me, this happened:

 

Stewardess (Korean I think with a pretty good English accent) said, as the plane was landing: Sorry, guys, can we just have your seats forward please?

Lancashire Lassie 1: (In true Lancashire Music Hall gormless style) Yer wot?

 

I cringed.

 

The pilot told us that as the weather in Dubai was warm and humid we should be careful as we went down the steps of the aircraft as they might be slippy.  I followed the two Lancashire Lassies out of the plane. Lassie 1 was OK but Lassie 2 immediately started walking very slowly and gingerly and held out her arm and hand getting ready to grasp the hand rail for dear life a full five metres before she got to it. They were then the slowest two down the steps by far.

 

As I drank my coffee I looked from time to time at the departures screen. As planes took off they were removed and new ones added ... as usual. As we got nearer and nearer to my plane being listed I started to watch more frequently as I didn’t know the gate. This is true: when it got to my plane being next to being listed, they didn’t update anything for around 10 minutes. So I got sick of looking and opened up this laptop and started typing this. As the computer was booting I took a look at the screen and lo and behold, in true watched pot never boils style, they updated the listing as soon as my back was turned.

 

DW

Queues again

How can you tell my phone's working again?

Queues: you can't beat them. Well I can't anyway.

Khartoum: boarding the plane in a normal and orderly manner when the family immediately in front of me caused a five minute hold up. I then sailed through. The security guard who then inspected our passports looked rather bored until he riffled through mine and beamed at all of my UAE, Kuwait, Oman etc stamps.

Doha: same situation. I joined the queue in a sexist manner, immediately after an attractive young lady. Our queue took a flyer and was easily beating the other queue at our gate. Until, you've guessed it, it came to someone just in front of me. Then it would have been better if I'd joined the other queue.

Dubai: I backtracked for some reason just before security and then got behind the most dithering man I've seen in a long time. Then a minute before I finished the transit desk between 50 and 70 Chinese men in identical grey boiler suits turned up go through security. How did THAT happen to me? We'll, in that case I pushed in and promoted myself significantly. I got away with it too.

Hey ho!

DW
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Phones ... Hardly

I am in Dubai Airport duty free and have just noticed the Vertu range of mobile phones. They're labelled exclusive. They're tagged as phones for the discriminating chap.

There's phones with gold. There's phones made from titanium, in an 800 ton press of course.

You can pay 112,000 Dirhams or so for the gold phone and as little as 24,000 Dirhams for the titanium version. A snip in my opinion.

Just in case you haven't traded in Dirhams for a while, a rough guide is to divide them by 7 and you will get Pounds Sterling. So, that's about £16,000 for the gold phone and just £3,428 for the more ordinary titanium phone.

There are cheaper phones than the titanium phone but one wouldn't would one.

The most interesting aspect of the sales pitch is the complete lack of reference to its functionality as a phone. They have incorporated the letter V into the shape of the screen so that's a bit of a downer for a start. Rather vulgar to think about this end of things though isn't it?

And here's me jipping at the thought of paying £200 or so for a BlackBerry. Pshaw!

DW
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More on the UN

I found out today what the multi million Pound car park at the hote was all about. The hotel was home to, get ready for this, a UN SENIOR MANAGEMENT RETREAT. Poor wee lambs: can you imagine the stress they must be under?

These people can't even respect the country they have retreated into. This country is really called THE Sudan. On the presentation slide that I managed to take a look at these clowns had called it just Sudan. You know, some people are deeply offended by such ineptitude.

DW
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Feel part of the Community

I went back to the Afra Mall today to change some money. I went into the exchange place and started doing the deal. I was given a scrap of paper and a pen that almost worked. I needed to divulge my name, address in Khartoum and telephone number.

Almost as soon as I started my deal I was joined by someone who felt the need to stand right next to me. Another man decided he would do the same. Now, I didn't feel threatened, just hemmed in. As I stood there I thought about that woman in Oxford one day who was offended when I got to within 6 feet of her in a similar situation!!!

Then other people moved in and I was truly part of a crowd. Once I'd finished I turned round and found 15 - 20 people around me.

The concept of personal space did not transfer to this part of the Colonies. Maybe that's why they gave General Gordon such a hard time. :-)

DW
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Oil Prices Again

This is a Simulcast

 

They are at it again: those people trying to convince us that the financial markets are working efficiently and fairly and have nothing to do with speculation.

 

So there was a financial “expert” blethering away on BBC World yesterday: he was EXPLAINING why the Dollar has surged and why the Pound is falling in value. He didn’t mention speculation in this context and yet we all know that 95% of all deals in foreign currency are to do with speculation.

 

Then this Expert said that because of the “... collapse of the oil price ...”. I must repeat a post I made a couple of weeks ago when I talked about the language of the oil price. Why do they say the price has collapsed? By using the word collapsed they are suggesting that the high prices reached up until about two months ago were normal or expected or acceptable. When the oil price was surging from $90 a barrel to almost $150 a barrel, they said the price was unsustainable ... because of speculation ... because of the disequilibrium of supply and demand. All nonsense of course: it was all because of ill informed speculation.

 

I proved with the example of the cutting of production by the UAE for annual maintenance having no effect on prices that supply and demand had nothing to do with the oil price.

 

So this expert did his best and he mentioned a number of possible factors: interest rates in Australia, the need for changing interest rates in the UK, collapsing oil prices, the threat of recession in the UK. All laudable words and much of it pure drivel. I keep meaning to make notes of the names of these experts so that I can name and shame but I think I am always just overawed at their bare faced effrontery. One thing you should notice is that the BBC doesn’t use the same non BBC expert very often. Wonder why?

 

DW

The US Presidential Election and Sarkozy

US Presidential Election

 

I woke up far too early today and switched on the news. BBC World of course, so that meant hearing NOTHING at all about the World but learning something about America. The vast majority of BBC World’s supposed international coverage is really only American coverage and that gets on my nerves. Nothing wrong with America but if I wanted to learn all about it I would watch CNN.

 

So, they were showing Rudi Giuliani speaking at the Republican Convention: sorry Rudi but you were rubbish. At one point, despite listening carefully, I thought you were attacking McCain rather than praising him. After about three or four minutes it became clear that you were talking about Obama and not McCain. Maybe I dozed off a bit after all!!

 

Anyway, that speech was just emotional nonsense: it got the crowd going, of course, so cheap and cheerful works.

 

Then Sarah Palin came on and I thought I’ll take a listen. I gave her 30 seconds! I am sure I am not the first to say it but it was more Michael Palin than Sarah Palin. I am sorry, by the way, that the US press has homed in on Palin’s private life and her daughter’s private life ... typical, normal gutter press that we in the UK also thrive on.

 

I couldn’t watch the woman though!

 

Sarkozy

 

Speaking of dead ends, have you seen how Nicolas Sarkozy is hopping from country to country these days? It’s classic political style. Fail at home so start travelling and work on your foreign policy. How cheap can these people be? Why not stick it out and face your public? Look at Prime Minister Samak in Thailand. At least Mr Samak is staying put and not trying to do something like solving the so called Tibet crisis instead of trying to resolve his domestic political problems.

 

These people!

 

DW

Keggy

This is a DW special for Kevin Keegan.

I admired Keggy as a player for his spirit and attitude. He was over sold as a player as any discriminating observer of the game of footy knows. Even Keegan himself admits he was never anywhere near as good as the hype would have us believe.

When Keggy was appointed as manager of Newcastle United for the second time following the sacking of Sam Allardyce I said that sacking Sam was a big mistake but not as big as the mistake of appointing Keegan.

Who could have foreseen the nonsense that was then to unfold at NUFC? It beggars belief and if Keggy does resign, who could possibly blame him?

DW

Khartoum Update: weather, Ovaltine and Cocoa, the UN and Kofi Annan, Margaret Thatcher

It was very sunny and hot when I got here on Friday but now it is overcast and very warm. Reminds me of many days in Malawi all of those years ago! It’s not a problem, just a report!

 

Here is some news for you. I have just been to the shopping mall next to the hotel and can probably EXCLUSIVELY reveal, ie no one else has ever told you this, that they sell Ovaltine and Cadbury’s Cocoa there. Now, that is news isn’t it? I have run out of Marmite but didn’t see any of that, I am sad to report.

 

I am still seething, too, over the UN vehicles. I took some photos of just a few of them this morning: all 4x4s and all pretty clean looking. Well, this afternoon there were more than 30 of those big beasties in the car park. All clean too. Why do they need so many very expensive 4x4s to drive around town? I know someone will write to me and say they are helping in Darfur and in the South of the country ... well, I think they are working more against the country than for it. Moreover, for any doubting Thomases, why are there so many people in so many huge and expensive vehicles here at a five star hotel? Where is the cost conscientiousness? What about the opportunity costs of sitting here at what is probably a huge expense when there are people here who are dying of starvation; people who need these clowns to sort out the mess they are part of? I really don’t like this outfit.

 

I said this before but I will remind you. Apart from having spent 5 years in Malawi in the shadow of these people, I was utterly shocked when Kofi Annan got to Sri Lanka after the tsunami of 2006 and refused to visit victims in the Tamil Tiger area. Where is the humanity in that man, then the Secretary General of the UNITED Nations? Following his retirement from the UN, Annan went on to ensure that the illegally elected “President” of an East African country could stay in power by helping to cobble a deal with the Opposition Party. In the meantime hundreds of ordinary people from that country died in Political riots following that bogus election. What a sham of a man. Then his son surfaced from under a big black cloud of alleged corruption. Rotten from the core as Neil Kinnock prophetically said about Margaret Thatcher’s Administration.

 

Speaking of Margaret Thatcher, I have read a couple of times recently that Thatcher is suffering from mental illness: now that’s not news is it? Thatcher was mentally ill long before she became Prime Minister.

 

End of erudite rant!

 

DW

 

 

 

Are Aid Workers all Gay These Days?

Sitting in and around the hotel here in Khartoum, I am wondering if the oddly dressed men and the many men who speak with a lithp or some kindred impediment are all gay.

Is it a requirement now to be gay to be an Aid worker?

DW
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Is it Gay to Moisturise?

A young man sat next to me on the flight from Dubai to Doha yesterday. We didn’t speak and there is nothing wrong with that. So my question is, is it gay to moisturise?

 

This man sat down and applied moisturiser to his face. Then he went to sleep. I was rather offended that he turned his back on me as he got himself comfy. He slept almost all of the 40 minutes it took to get from Dubai to Doha. On arrival the man then got out another potion and sprayed his face with it. I don’t suppose it was fly spray!

 

Just a thought.

 

DW

Is it really THAT bad?

British Chancellor of the Exchequer Alastair Darling is reported to have said that the British Economy is in its worst state for more than 60 years: according to BBC World that is.

 

If that is true then we really are in the mire. Remember the devaluation of 1967? How about Denis Healy having to go cap in hand to the IMF month after month and anyone going abroad was limited to taking £50 with them. Then there were the Thatcher years: with that disastrous Chancellor Nigel Lawson followed eventually by the equally questionable Normal Lamont.

 

I have lived through bad times in the UK then so if it’s the worst for 60 years then it must be bad.

 

Then again, this is some sort of payback for the country living on credit for the last 15 years or so. The boom of the Blair years have now come to a head: all of those people wearing Armani clothes, driving a new BMW and carrying Louis Vuitton bags are having to shop at Aldi and Lidl now as their credit has run out. This is REALLY what Darling is talking about, not the credit crunch from the USA. The credit crunch is merely a symptom of gross mismanagement by governments all over the Western world.

 

Who will suffer, though? Hmm, let me think about that.

 

DW

 

 

US Presidential Circus

Living in hotels for week after week as I often do, it is very difficult for me to avoid the American Presidential Election Pantomime (you can quote me and call it the APE Pantomime, but don’t forget to ascribe it to me!). Since I am not American I do not get a full grasp of what they are doing. However, as an outsider I do know that Obama has inflicted himself on the world’s public for almost two years. Obama and Ms Clinton started their campaigns a year early because they knew it would be tough for them. In addition, they are both so hungry (many say greedy) for power that they needed a massive start on the competition.

 

Well, it worked and in the end the only two Democratic candidates in the ring were those two people. Now they are down to one!

 

Well, apart from being sick to death of the process and telling an American colleague that they could take a leaf out of the British Political book and spend just THREE WEEKS on their general election campaigns, I was distressed yesterday.

 

What happened yesterday? McCain, the oven fried Republican candidate (already 72 years old, extremely boring and an appalling public speaker in my opinion), announced his Vice Presidential nominee candidate: a woman, Sarah Palin. Nothing wrong with a woman. What got me was her strident and grating voice: eeugh! She looks presentable and I might even say pretty. But that voice. I have heard her speak for a total of about 30 seconds and it made me wonder how she managed to have five children with a voice like that!! No offence, ma’am ... in case you get the job!!

 

These are the political insights you don’t get everywhere!

 

 

DW

 

 

 

The UN: plus ca change ...

I am seething!

 

I am in a nice hotel in Khartoum. Outside there are many spotlessly clean but very large 4x4 cars with UN in big letters on them.

 

At the airport it looked to me as if there was an entire area comprising only UN planes and helicopters.

 

Having seen these people  in operation in Malawi, I dread to think what they are up to here.

 

They come for years these UN people and sound the death knell for the country they inflict on themselves on.

 

If I get to talk to any of them I will tell them that I would be able to get them all sent home within around a your providing they gave me a staff of no more than 100 men to work them out with their jobs.  As I did that I am very confident that I would have resolved most if not all of the problems facing the Sudan at the moment.  Brave words but give me a chance and I would get rid of the misery.

 

DW

Mick Channon

Sorry to hear that Mick Channon has been hurt in a car crash. A good footy player from years ago.

Gulf Today introduced this story by saying that former football ace and racing horse trainer is in a STABLE condition.

I kid you not!

DW
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The Burj Dubai

I think it's a magical looking building and here is a snap wot I took in June, just a few weeks ago. I went down to the Burj that day to take photos of it in daylight, at twilight and at night. I think it is a highly photogenic bit of architecture and am looking forward to the day I can go inside it and to the top of it ... DW

Walking in Dubai

I went for a walk this afternoon in Dubai. Wow, that was a hot, hot, hot thing to do. It took me about an hour and a half to stop sweating.

 

Near the clock tower there is an advert for a watch with that duff actor George Clowney as the USP. As if!

 

DW

Olympics 14

I thought I had finished chatting about the Beijing Olympic games and then some utter clown thought it would awfully outre to include an image of Myra Hindley in a promotional video of London.

Hindley was jailed for her part in luring five children and young people into the arms of her lover Ian Brady. Brady then abused, tortured amd murdered these unfortunate people.

Hindley and Brady dumped the bodies of their victims on moorland. Tragically there is one young lad whom these monstrous people killed who is still on the moors somewhere: unfound and alone. The poor lad's mother has spent her life since his death desperately looking for him.

So do you think London should have shown an image of that awful woman celebrating the city?

The good news is that Hindley died in prison.

DW

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Olympics 12a

In spite of any impression I might have created to the contrary, I have enjoyed the Beijing Olympics.

Team GB has done pretty well but I have been keen to point out the errors of some of our delusional athletes. The athletes who were only hopeful and not driven. The athletes draped in bling and tattoos and dyed hair showed how they were diverting their energies away from a superior performance.

The final moan concerns the high five. Who has taught these people to hug each other and dish out high fives at the least opportunity? Just ridiculous in my opinion.

End of the Olympics.

Now for the Paraympics where things will be so much better.

DW
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Short of Nothing

These things pop into one's head don't they?

My mother, RIP, used to say she was short of nothing she hadn't got. I suddenly just thought about that and for the first time ever, I decided to try to understand what it meant. I concluded by thinking what a clever little saying it is.

I don't know if mother created the saying or not but I like it.

DW
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eGate Card

My eGate card let me down as I arrived at DXB on Saturday morning. However, you can rejoice now because I went to the eGate office and had it set up again.

Praise be!!

DW
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