Gentlemen, when trying to woo a lady by mail, the following two genuine examples are best avoided
· I don’t have a job, I don’t have any money and I am on benefits but I would like to get to know you ...
· (Having enclosed a photograph of himself, this gent said) Don’t let the tattoos and scars put you off ...
Honestly, I have read these in genuine love letters!
DW
What do you do
a) If there is a lizard hiding inside the air conditioning unit?
b) A mouse hiding behind the wardrobe?
a) DO NOT poke the lizard with a stick so that it runs INSIDE the air conditioner and into the fan blades thus rendering it inoperative and necessitating a call to the air conditioning engineers
b) RUN AWAY in fright and ask the young slip of a lass of a maid to chase it under your ever watchful eye so that she can catch it with her bare hands and then throw it off the balcony where it either survives or the fall kills it
These are possibly top tips.
DW
If you go shopping in a large supermarket in Thailand with a Thai lady in tow then stay together otherwise you will probably have considerable difficulty finding her later:
They are all around 155 centimetres tall
The majority have long black hair
Many of them wear a tee shirt and shorts
Top tip that and by way of a bonus it will probably apply across much of South East Asia!
On the other hand, if you both have a mobile phone with you and you know each other’s number ...
DW
