Even an old duffer like me …

… has to admit that some things that are meant to be taken seriously can have their funny side.

With all the talk of global warming (the doom mongers) and climate change (the global warming agnostics) it is easy to believe that Al Gore ever knew what he was talking about before he made millions and a Nobel Prize from his awful travesty of a film, An Inconvenient Truth.

Nevertheless, take a look at this cartoon from today’s Financial Times: it made me laugh anyway!!

http://media.ft.com/cms/f2bce626-1425-11e0-a21b-00144feabdc0.gif

DW

WikiLeaks Springs an unLeak

These people have no shame! There have been whistle blowers around the world for centuries and many of them go unsung, they put themselves and their livelihoods at risk. To the genuine, unsung unassuming whistle blower I say well done. I am talking about the honest whistle blower: the person who has done their research carefully; the one who has taken things as far as they can go within official and formal channels. Things don’t work and still there is a genuine and important story to be told.

Then there are people who do things for personal and private gain in the name of blowing the whistle. The people whose aim is to damage someone by having blown the whistle on them and hang the consequences.

As far as Assange is concerned, the WikiLeaks refugee, he has managed to gather round himself a coterie of unthinking but influential people who are able to bail him out of prison and will probably keep him out of prison. They have done this because they think Assange is some kind of freedom fighter. I don’t think so. From the things I have seen from WikiLeaks, I see an indiscriminate man whose aim is to help to maim and slaughter innocent people whilst pretending that all he wants to do is to blow a fanfare for the common man. Tosh!

In my opinion, I see someone with access to a load of files hiding away in a back room and stealing those files. Yes, these files might contain some interesting information and yes I might want to read some of it. However, by and large, the things I have seen have been none of my business.

You can tell me that now we know what Senior Politician X thinks of Robert Mugabe … and? By revealing these things, we are often seeing just one side of a story and several of the stories the news channels have chosen to report have been potentially damaging to individuals and nations alike. And who is Assange and his thief to decide that someone should be put in the firing line because he thinks it is right to do so? Let Assange come face to face with people who are probably innocent but who have been hurt by his actions. Let him explain and then apologise once he discovers just how much damage his indiscriminate publications are causing.

Oh! and let me ask Assange, how much of the reported £1.1 million he is going to receive for the books he pretends he doesn’t want to write will be going to help the victims of his whistle blowing? Thought so … not one penny. How much will go into his personal bank account, in spite of the words he spouts about saving his web site.

Finally, I find it very distasteful that a man who is under the cosh for at least two crimes that I am aware of is put into the spotlight in the way Assange is and is then apparently rewarded for all of his efforts including crimes of which he may well be guilty.

These people are not honest whistle blowers, they are self appointed opportunists who know very well that all they have to do is to make some noise in the right area and direction and our sleazy publishing houses will chase them with their cheque books.

DW

Christmas Dinner

I am working again this yuletide and for some mind boggling reason I said we ought to cook our own Xmas dinner. That was interpreted as my having volunteered to cook everything.

In the end Santa sent some little helpers and the dinner was good. For some reason the Turkey was from Brazil and it was good. Chicken sausages were fine. Roast spuds were ace but I was a bit disappointed with the gravy.

Unfortunatey no apple sauce and, big boo hoo, no sage for the stuffing.

Fantastic fruit salad made by an Elf and my cinder Xmas cake became a pudding with custard.

Well done!

After dinner ... Vietnam war, politics ... Soporific for me as I was all geared up for bobbing for apples, a quiz and, best of all, Stick the Tail up William Gaygue.

Never mind, the politicos were enraptured.

Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The Three Degrees ... gone

A pompous man with an inferior Doctorate degree chaired a meeting at which he announced to several non doctors that there would soon be three doctors and then " ... The project will really fly ... "

Since then,

That doctor has run away
The second doctor has resigned on the basis of a disagreement with project management
The third doctor became mentally unstable and has been forced to leave the country

All non doctoral degree holders remain and the project is doing well.

This is not a rant against doctors in general, please note.

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Not a Royalist but …

Who is the clown who let Charles Battenburg and his wife Camilla Porkbag Bowels drive right into the middle of a riot?

You have probably seen the story: the students were protesting over the tripling of student fees that had just been agreed in Parliament. The protests had, not surprisingly, turned violent and they were taking place in and around Regent Street.

Last night was the night of the Royal Variety Performance which is held at the London Palladium. If you know your London, you will know that Argyll Street houses the Palladium and to get to Argyll Street you can drive along … Regent Street. More importantly, you don’t HAVE to drive along Regent Street to get to Argyll Street.

So, they knew there was a riot going on and yet they sanctioned the car to carry on along Regent Street. Then some rioters saw Charles and his ball and chain in their car and they attacked it. Completely unforgiveable. Equally disturbing, given how high profile these people are, there was a window in their Rolls Royce that was smashed: didn’t look bullet or even brick and fist proof to me.

We had the same sort of thing when John Prescott was physically attacked in the street whilst campaigning in 2001 I think it was … he was Deputy Prime Minister and yet someone was able to get close enough to be able to throw a missile at the old man!

We are generally a tolerant society but these lapses are symptomatic of PC Plod’s approach to situations that someone higher in intellectual power than Plod should be dealing with.

The job of the Police is to maintain law and order. When protesters start to act in a violent manner then people are going to get hurt. Sorry, but they will. If the protesters don’t like the fact that violence usually needs to be met with violence then stay at home or do not act violently!

Finally, I do not agree with student fees at all since the economics of student loans and tuition fees seems fundamentally flawed to me and I don’t believe it is solving any of the problems laid at their doors.

DW

Good or Scary News?

I just read this on the Harvard Business Review web site, from the November 2010 edition of the HBR:

“In a study by Brent McFerran of the University of British Columbia and colleagues, dieters in a restaurant-like setting were offered menu suggestions by a thin waitress. She also donned a “fat suit” and made recommendations to a different group of dieters. More diners acted on the overweight server’s advice. That’s because the dieting patrons identified more with the heavier server, say the authors. This suggests that restaurants may benefit from having greater weight diversity among service providers.”

http://hbr.org/2010/11/stat-watch-do-you-want-fries-with-that/ar/1

What do you make of that? Birds of a feather?

DW

Rock Bottom Standards

I really am coming to the conclusion that television broadcasting should stop in Britain and be banned for five years. Such an action will allow the 12 year olds, as per Ed Reardon, who run our television stations to be considerably retrained and made to behave along the lines that I alone should set.

Blue Peter is a children’s television programme that is aimed firmly at children from the age of 8 until 12 years. In my opinion, such children do not need to be subjected to swearing and violence when they tune into such a programme let alone in real life.

A book, with an unsuitable Americanism as its title to start with, was chosen to be included in a list of books to be chosen as the Blue Peter book of the year. That book was then dropped from the list because, A statement from Blue Peter said the book should not have been shortlisted in the first place "because it contains scenes of violence and swearing that are not suitable for the younger end of our audience." http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/dec/07/blue-peter-awards-drop-finalist-unsuitable

Here’s the sick part: "It does have menace, all good thrillers have menace, and the Daleks are very menacing," he said. "I feel that this is a very inspiring, exciting book, with a moral framework and that their audience at the older end of 9-12 is being denied something they absolutely should be reading. "http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/dec/07/blue-peter-awards-drop-finalist-unsuitable

That comment came from David Frickling, the book’s publisher. Let me translate his true meaning: I hate those pompous, self seeking people at Blue Peter. Who do they think they are? With that book on their list we were sure to sell thousands of copies and rake in stacks of filthy lucre. So we infect a few kids with Americanisms, some violence a bit of swearing. So f****ing what? Crack their skulls if you ask me.

At least the twelve year olds got this one right.

DW

Be my friend … PLEASE be my friend

Whilst I do not support the WikiLeaks web site and initiative at all and will report on nothing substantial here in any way, I couldn’t help being amused by this one.

That’s the one in which William Gaygue begged and pleaded with the USA during the general election and beyond: by my friend, can I be your friend, if you’re my friend I’ll give you my biggest lollipop!!

Speaking of large lollipops and Gaygue, that reminds me of another story … already reported, however!

DW

Don’t Forget the 17 cents

Whilst the USA is content to throw massive largesse around the world, we must question where all of that money is coming from. I don’t mean to lecture anyone on international trade, the US national debt or anything like that. Just be aware that the USA is a resource hog and when it offers this largesse there is a chance that it is YOUR largesse.

Following on from this long held opinion of mine, I have just been to look at a couple of sites that you should find interesting:

• http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/
• http://www.usdebtclock.org/

the brillig.com debt clock is a static counter whereas the usdebtclock.org clocks are all being updated constantly.

One aspect of the brillig clock is that it shows essentially the same information as the usdebtclock but it contains one fascinatingly ridiculous feature … cents.

At the moment the brillig clock is showing the US National Debt as $13,797,894,101,794.17 … as if such a massive number could really ever be accurate to within 17 cents!

In terms of the US Federal Deficit as a percentage of GDP, that has risen dramatically of late, as you can see here: http://www.usgovernmentspending.com/federal_deficit_chart.html The current percentage is around 10.6% whereas five years ago it was reported to be just 2.5%. Omitting the second world war blip, it is now at its highest ever.

As a matter of interest, do you know where the word brillig comes from … in English, anyway? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

DW

The Bounder v The Chap

I have just been introduced to The Chap: a quintessentially English institution to be found on the internet at http://thechap.net/index.html It’s funny, witty and affected. I enjoyed reading it.

Well, in the car going to work the other day, the person who sent me the link to the site turned out to be a cad and I turned out to be a Chap. Here’s why.

The cad was under the weather and said to the lady in the car, Lyn, could I ask that tomorrow you use a little less of that perfume. I’m sorry: it’s probably because I am feeling a bit sick but it’s very strong for me.

I said, wait a minute: let’s try that a different way and it turned out to be the Chap’s way.

• Lyn, what’s the name of the perfume you’re wearing? Lyn responded …
• It’s got rather a strong fragrance hasn’t it?

The Chap then knows that a lady will receive the appropriate message and put one less splash on the following morning!

DW

It’s Official: Britain’s on the slide

Now that there has been a certain announcement, I can reveal that Britain is now on the slide.

What possible announcement can presage such a conclusion? The answer is that there is to be a Royal wedding in 2011. Why does this presage Britain being on the slide? Well, take a look at recent history and you will see that Royal weddings often, not always, go hand in hand with economic crises or problems.

There is no doubt that Britain is currently in the middle of a rather weak economic period at the moment.

A Royal wedding will concentrate the mind of all of those weak people who believe that the Royals love them and spend their days and nights looking after their interests. They believe that Prince(ss) X is a really nice person if and when they meet them or see them in the flesh: he was just an ordinary chap, they are wont to say! Thppptz to that!

Newspapers and “celebrity” magazines will cringe and fawn their way to this massive non event now and I for one am right royally glad I will be nowhere near it.

Join me here in the middle of nowhere as wedding fever grips the nation!

DW

Fat is NOT a Feminist Issue

There is a very good article in the October edition of the McKinsey Quarterly entitled

• Why governments must lead the fight against obesity
• Locally led social movements are required to reverse the obesity pandemic. Governments are in a uniquely powerful position to catalyze these movements.
• https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Health_Care/Strategy_Analysis/Why_governments_must_lead_the_fight_against_obesity_2687

Everyone should read this article as it contains a lot of shocking information. They show quite clearly, for example, the correlation between age, obesity and health care costs: the older and fatter you are the more you will pay for your health care. And before anyone from the UK or Canada or France says, I don’t pay for my health care, let me tell you that you do. It’s called opportunity cost and includes loss of earnings, loss of opportunities, loss of life. These costs also include the costs of suffering from a poorer quality of life: those obese people who struggle to climb stairs, the obese people who need to be wheeled round because they can no longer walk. In values, the articles reveals that in the UK we spent £4 billion in 2007 on obesity related medical costs and that all obesity related costs in the US amounted to $450 billion a year.

The article includes this:

The obesity pandemic also appears to have made it psychologically easier for people to accept their own increasing weight. Studies have shown that a person’s chances of becoming obese increase by 57% if he or she has a friend who has recently become obese.

I am sure you have seen those balloons walking down the street and realised that there are more and more of them. Clothing shops now sell clothes for the larger body because it is more acceptable for them to exist. It’s not that long ago that obesity was rare so ordinary clothes shops didn’t stock anything for them.

I was unaware of the connection between fat friends; but now that I’ve read it, I can see the truth in that. Look around and see not just one but two, three many obese people socialising.

In some countries, Japan is cited in the article, obesity is very rare. I am currently living and working in Central Asia and now that I have thought about it I cannot remember seeing very many local obese peoples. Whilst 46% of Americans over 16 years of age have a body mass index of 30 or more, only 2% of Japanese people are so afflicted.

The article allows readers to leave a comment on it and here is what I just submitted:

I disagree that government has anything other than a supportive role to play here. We are fat because we eat far too much and we are eating more and more of the wrong foods. That very young children are obese is a crime and everyone who says parenting skills are vital in this debate has my support.

However, let me address something that has only indirectly been addressed. As we have become wealthier over the last 3 or 4 decades, the desire to eat out has increased. We have been allowed to convince ourselves that we are too busy to cook good food.

Since the advent of television "celebrity" chefs, restaurant food, aka fine dining, has become a death trap. Just watch any television chef, with the exception of Oriental chefs; and you will see mountains of butter, gallons of high fat cream and kilogrammes of salt used as main or significant ingredients.

As we watch these chefs we learn to emulate them and start to prepare their dreadful food and feel proud when the salt and fat generate praise for the tasty food we have now created.

It is patently obvious to anyone who sees an obese person sweating and breathing heavily as a result of even the simplest activity that something is wrong with them. Obese people die younger and have more health problems: this article shows that age and obesity line the pockets of those working in the health sector rather than anyone else.

Where did it all go wrong, then? Remember the book Fat is a Feminist Issue? Remember Germaine Greer? There you have two good reasons why obesity has increased, particularly among women. The 70s saw the fight by women who did not look like models to say, "I don't need to look like a model: I am who I am." They justified their obesity on feminist grounds. They were and they are wrong to think like that.

Finally, allowing a child to eat so much that it is 10 kg or 20 kg or even 30 kg or more overweight is condemning that child to a life of ridicule and ill health. The pension crisis is bad enough without adding the burdens of obesity.

Stay thin people!

Duncan

You Can't Choose your Relatives!

OK, not exactly relatives but people with whom one is associated in some way! I know my haplogroup because I had my Y Chromosome DNA tested via the Genographic project and I found out that many thousands of years ago my family was Greek. How about that? Today I went back online to see if there had been any updates in terms of additions to the database and so on. Well, there hadn't but I found that I am from haplogroup E1b1b1 (M35) and that there are some famous people in the same group. Here they are:

• Sewall Wright
• George Stephanopoulos
• Michelangelo
• David Attenborough
• William Harvey
• Lyndon B Johnson
• Zinedine Zedane
• Adolf Hitler ... ta daaa!
• Wolfgang Schniederman
• Walter Schniederhan
• Hugh Judson Kilpatrick
• John C Calhoun

POSSIBLE members:

• Albert Einstein
• William Henry Lancaster
• Ilya Efron
• Mussolini

The proportions of racial/ethnic groups within this haplogroup:

• East Africans 70%
• Southern Europeans 25%
• Moroccan 90%
• Balkans 50%
• Jews 35%

There you go and I know, there are some I've never heard of either! DW

Fly by NIght ... well, twilight!

I normally post these straight to Facebook rather than here but, what the heck, here goes. If you don't like flies, maybe this will turn your stomach.

I am using a macro lens with my camera to take photos of insects on flowers and shrubs and things. I then crop the photos to bring out the features ...

and here's a colony of greenflies with other insects on a rose bud

Also on a rose bud

There you are: I love this macro lens ... it's 1:3.5 and would love a 1:1 lens but worry about their price. Also, I haven't seen one yet!

If you know the proper names of these insects, why not let me know? Just post a comment here.

DW

Bill Gates I want to meet you

I saw that smug and self seeking BG on the television the other day and he was extolling the virtues of some software that allows someone to talk to their television and for the television to recognise them in some way.

I thought, so fricking what, Gates? You can’t even get your basic software to work properly let alone something to do with a television.

My Acer computer is going through a midlife crisis at the moment: it’s two years old now! On Saturday Excel 2010 failed to respond SO many times and I thought I had lost a lot of my latest work as it died and then Windows said it couldn’t start and would repair itself. It went through this many times.

In the end I am STILL worried that things will collapse in a gates induced heap but it is starting by itself now, albeit slowly.

Every year I have a major gates induced problem and I hope this doesn’t get any worse and is this year’s problem.

These things waste hours and hours.

Then there’s my other laptop, an HP TouchSmart, that can’t find the HP printer it’s connected to. More wasted time.

DW

Back in the Gym

Hard work and no play … ended again. Working many hours a day every day keeps the mind active and alive.There are limits though to the sedentary lifestyle so I am back in the gym again.

Nothing excessive, though: I walk on the treadmill for around 25 minutes: starting slowly and then getting fairly energetic including spells on a 12% incline. Enough to require some breathing and sweating!

In the gym I am using at the moment I am using a stepping machine too: 100 steps this evening. I will build up from that fairly low base.

I have never been that good at upper body exercise for some reason so I just tinker with small weights for that.

I’m doing my bit.

DW

Children say these things

Back in harness now but while I was at home I was doing some sorting out and read one of our family holiday journals from a LONG time ago and here are two classics.

Andrew told us the story of a lesson at primary school when his teacher Mrs Crozier was talking about people wearing funny clothes. After the teacher's introduction, she asked the children, "Does anyone know anyone who wears funny clothes?" and Andrew volunteered, "Yes Miss, my Uncle George" That was true, he was a bit eccentric in that department at times.

Daniel: I went to the toilet for a pee and was wearing some light coloured trousers. As sometimes happens, things get held in reserve and then embarrassingly release themselves, showing the world how careless one has been. I wrote in the journal that I dashed back to the room before joining the family and got the iron out and ironed the offending water mark in situ. I did what I thought was enough and then joined the family. As soon as I walked through the door Daniel asked, "Have you wet yourself?" Doh!

Kids!!

Forgot to make a note of when that was but if Andrew remembers how old he was when he was taught by Mrs C, we can work it out from there!

DW

Windows Feature: a wonder to behold

Vista Home Premium

Click Start to put Windows to sleep ... Not to switch off!

Let it sleep.

Now, unplug a USB device.

Boing! It wakes up again!

More time to waste, Gates, getting it back to sleep again.

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

So Clever!

It's true, someone said that to me this evening!

So, I was chatting to Carrie about many things when she told me she had woken her boss in Texas at 2 am one day. She needed him to scan a document for her ... relating to a $6 million order/project.

The boss said, oh no, but my scanner's broken. He went to a nearby hotel and scanned then emailed the document.

I said, why didn't he take photos of the document with his phone camera or camera?

Carried stopped for two seconds or even three then said, that's so clever.

I said, I do it all the time.

She said again, that's so clever!

Made my day, that!!

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The Stig

There is a breed of people who like to know things. Some things they have a right to know and if no one knows those things, these people are wont to research them. Good!

Some things are meant not to be known. So those people who like to know things should simply accept that these are the unknowables of life.

What am I talking about? The Stig of course: you know, some say he eats three Shredded Wheat for breakfast, some say he can bend iron girders with his teeth, all we know is, he's called The Stig ...

The Stig is the ANONYMOUS car driver who works for Top Gear* on the BBC. Part of the charm of The Stig is that no one is supposed to know who he is. It's good that way and I think we all like it too.

Then there are those smarty pants people who like to say, I know who The Stig is, I know who The Stig is! And they do because some spoil sport has unearthed his name and then written a book that includes his identity la la la.

They did all of this a couple of weeks ago and whilst I read the name of The Stig, it meant nothing to me. Still, ruined the illusion.

* Note: Top Gear is a BBC television programme that used to be a forum in which cars were discussed and demonstrated. Now it feeds Jeremy Clarkson's ego (after all, how can one be from Yorkshire and called Jeremy?), it does not feed James May's hairdresser since he has the most unruly late 1970s hair style and it feeds Richard Hammond's family as he is the least funny, witty and informative presenter on the team (and in fact on the whole BBC); and it might help if he were quite bit taller than he is!

DW

Hogging the Limelight was never this easy

So there's a narrow minded little man in Florida who claims to be a man of God. He runs a church or something with the word dove in its name. We all know that Doves are symbols of peace and love.

In a blatant self seeking marketing campaign this little man says on 9th September 2010 he will burn one or more copies of the Holy Koran.

Now he's got just 30 - 50 followers and yet for a week he generated publicity across the world, as far as I can tell, that would have cost him many millions of Pounds were he to pay for it.

How and why the major news channels, papers and web sites covered this story in such a way is a complete mystery. This little man might otherwise have burned the Holy Koran but who would have noticed?

I do not advocate the burning of anything like this: effigies, bibles, Korans, books, flags, people ... nothing.

It wouldn't be so bad if this were a genuine protest against something but it's clearly not and yet this little man had prime ministers, presidents and kings talking to him via the news media.

Astonishing and utterly irresponsible journalism in my opinion.

Then again, go to this little man's church or whatever it is on Sunday and see the size of his collection box. No doubt he'll now find himself on chat shows, panel games, being asked for his opinion on this and that. Typical small town little man who hit on a big idea.

DW

The Lone Fork Top tip

When that fork that you borrowed from the canteen is the ONLY means of eating your pot noodle without pouring it all over yourself, don't, repeat DO NOT, drop that fork behind a radiator where it is impossible to retrieve it.

Yet another top tip from yours truly.

DW

Billy the Beer

He's back, baseball cap and all!

Billy the beer, that erstwhile former leader of the Tory party has been caught with his pants ... OK, let's say half down!

As journalists and others dig into stories like this one, is he gay?, all sorts of things come tumbling out. Not only is the "other man" very young at half Billy's age but he's a quantity surveyor who graduated only five years ago yet he had become a special adviser to the UK's Foreign Secretary. How? On what basis? How and when did he apply and who conducted the interview? Was there an open competition for the job? Give me that job although the salary isn't that much I have to say!

Another aspect of the story is that as a former leader of the Party, Billy can apparently set his own agenda and do what he likes. They are saying the same about Iain Smith, the other former Tory leader in the Cabinet. The fact that these two are FAILED leaders seems to have got lost and in my world they behave or not and they are demoted or not.

Meanwhile, it seems that whatever the truth of this story, MPs and more especially senior MPs and Cabinet Ministers can get away with what they like.

One thing that comes across strongly for me, though, is the way Billy operates, on the basis that I have no time for the man. He boasted the other week how he and his Foreign Secretary equivalents from around the world text each other all the time. He also seems to tweet a lot. More than that, take a look at the photos in the press of Billy and then take a close look at his right hand: I think you will see a BlackBerry welded to it.

That BlackBerry welding says a lot more about Billy than many other things. Blair was hardly a technophile: as I understand he had/has never sent an email let alone used a PC (I stand to be corrected/updated). The fact that Billy is almost 50 years old and welded to a mobile phone tells me more than I need to know!

DW

Wheat'll they find next?

First posting for a while this is worth waiting for!

Did you know that the wheat genome is 5 times larger than the human genome, it contains 80,000 genes and 16 billion chemical letters? Moreover the wheat genome has just had its sequencing completed.

There you are!!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Paedophiles used to be Locked away

This story is a week old or so now but Roman Polanski was released from house arrest by the Swiss authorities following some sort of legal wrangle and deal.

Polanski ran away from the USA after having been found guilty of the drugging and rape of a 13 year old girl there.

For decades Polanski hid like all cowards but was caught on a trip to Switzerland.

In any case, he has managed to escape from justice again. What has intrigued me, though, is the press coverage he has been receiving.

I have heard of people who are rightly indignant at Polanski's release since he has not served a sentence for the crime he committed.

There was one person who was interviewed on the BBC World Service network who said that Polanski's release was right and proper because of his contribution to cinema in Europe and around the world. Moreover, this oaf was looking forward to meeting Polanksi in London in the near future ...

Over the last decade or so there has been a massive movement against paedophilia and internet based child pornography sites and images and so on.

I have heard nothing recently to suggest that this man will be subjected to any of the privations currently visited on other convicted paedophiles.

Say what you like, but celebrity reaps many rewards. And another thing, I have watched very few of Polanski's films and the ones that I have, I have probably slept through much of!

DW

Listen to the Radio then

I know this is hardly news for many of you but here is what I want to say anyway.

I have tried to listen to the radio on mobile phones for quite a while now and as I type this missive I am listening very happily to the BBC World Service in absolute clarity on my Samsung mobile.

I NEED to have my earphones plugged in to act as the antenna but I am listening on the speaker, not necessarily the earphones.

When I have tried to listen to the radio on other mobiles I have often ended up being asked to pay for it. What I am listening to at the moment is free of charge.

Finally, I have listened to the radio on the phone now at home in the UK, in Dubai and now here in Central Asia.

Marvellous!

DW

Well, he did ask!

I was asked what I thought about the World Cup in South Africa. I'm afraid I got a bit bilious and here is the cleaned up version of what I said!

I have seen very little of the WC. The quality of reception in central asia is poor even though there's a dish supposedly pointing at Dubai on our roof. Happily I saw only a fraction of just one of the England games. They are a disgrace and have been for years. Abysmal players who earn vast fortunes and strut the world as if they know what football is. In truth, they are all just looking for the next woman to get to grips with. When they get caught with some tart, the wife throws up her hands in horror, runs off to their house in Dubai (they've all got one). He then tearfully takes time off to fly to our favourite Emirate to beg for forgiveness. The nation holds its breath.

The wife is now firmly ensconced as the injured party and is given celebrity status as a singer or actress or model ... they get to choose. In the case of that B****** slapper, she can design cars cos the world is populated by men who "know" cars cos they can tell their quality by kicking a tyre in a car show room.

Some players are clever. one player has just engineered a scam by having a sex scandal "erroneously" sent by text to many people. In horror he contacted the newspapers ... lies, lies he says. This oaf is now in the clear to spread his seed all over the delights of his district. Saves worrying about the football cos that Itie is taking the rap for that gaff!

DW

How about this?

A man came to the door the other day and introduced himself as the provider of a certain type of service. He wanted to know whether I might be interested in using his service. He gave me his business card which had this fantastic epithet on it:

The very best in Natural Light Improvement Technology

Now, what do you think the service is?

Answers on a post card please or even electronically.

DW

Weight Lifting Top Tip

Never let someone who works out with weights change a light bulb for you or you will find it in a thousand pieces on the floor rather than in one piece in the light socket.

Another top tip from yours truly!

DW

Time to get behind your team: England

Let's call for a ban in the England team of anyone who believes they are any good. The current team is filled with people who have no idea of how bad they are and yet they manage to cream off as much as £150,000 a WEEK in pay. The English Premier league is a decent league and is often touted as being the best in the world. We are told that some of our players are the best in the world.

Piffle! There is no one in the current England set up who can be classed as anything like the best in the world.

• Terry: yes, he is prepared to have his face kicked in
• Rooney: yes, he runs and is fearless
• Gerard: erm, what? who?
• Lampard: preferred his dad
• James: he draws a pension, yes? Straight from the WORST side in the Premier league and prone to error

We are probably going to dismiss a good manager now when it is the players and their woeful skills and abilities who should leave.

So, get behind the team and give it a right royal heave out of the ground. Let's start again with some decent players.

DW

Snooty Cow ...

... and she's probably from Cheshire.

That's the woman next to me on the plane who wanted me to lean away from her, "Just while I eat my dinner". When I got back from the toilet she'd changed places so her daughter was next to me. And the daughter twitched when I moved too!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

World Cup Tripe II

England

DW

If not true, funny anyway!

These are just a few of the supposedly genuine questions and answers received/given by an Australian Tourism Website. Cracked me up!

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.   All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

__________________________________________________
DW

World Cup Tripe

So far I have not really watched much of the world cup action.

Last night, though, I watched the build up to a couple of games and almost immediately was confronted by a reason for not watching such rubbish!

The programme was being hosted by a woman, sorry. She said that so and so had scored an amazing penalty the night before. They showed the penalty. I was waiting for someone to place the ball, run up like Usain Bolt or Carl Lewis then kick the ball in such a way that it went forward and then, for example, looped the loop, hit the bar or post but then magically looped in a way that defied the known laws of physics before going into the net beyond the goalkeeper's powers to stop it.

What actually happened was that he kicked the ball fairly hard and it then flew into the net without the goalkeeper being able to stop it.

So WHY, WHY, WHY did she say it was an amazing penalty?

DW

Another Wretched MP: but why the support for this one?

David Laws was three weeks into his job as Chief Secretary to the Treasury in Britain's current coalition government. Then the world found out that he had cheated the MPs' expense system. Nothing new in this, many of our MPs from many previous parliaments had done the same. Laws was caught with his hands in a £40,000 deep pocket.

Astonishingly, for some reason this man was roundly defended by Cameron, PM; and others who knew him and liked him and said it was sad that he had to go ...

I thought, he took a LOT of money that he was not entitled to, was caught and had to resign. We are well rid of him. Then I came across an excellent letter in the Financial Times that I hope they don't mind me reproducing here in part:

‘Flawed’ secretary was right to resign

From Mr Christopher J Wales.

Sir, It is a pity that Philip Stephen’s column on David Laws is such a mixture of prejudice and bank holiday thinking (“Only the prurient will rejoice at Laws’ resignation”, June 1).

The reported facts are simple and do not seem to have been challenged: a) Mr Laws made claims for rental payments to a person with whom he was in a long-term relationship; b) those claims involved £40,000 of taxpayers’ money and were in breach of the rules; c) he hid his relationship and did not clear the claims with the relevant parliamentary authorities.

This was scarcely an “oversight”. And it reveals a great deal about his character and judgment.

... The charge sheet is clear and it was right that he should resign.

Like so many politicians before him, he made matters worse by not accepting that immediately and trying to defend the indefensible ...

Christopher J Wales, Hemel Hempstead, Herts, UK

http://digital.olivesoftware.com/Olive/ODE/FTePaper/?Publication=FTU Wednesday 2nd June 2010

Hear hear Mr Wales

DW

Phone Charging Top Tip

If your mobile phone's battery has drained and you want to recharge it overnight by using your laptop, don't forget to plug your laptop into the power supply.

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Welcome 'ome lad

I am currently sitting at home in England. I arrived yesterday so I am now in that horrible transition from over there to over here. Dozing in the chair at any time and at no  notice. I know I have dozed only when I wake up!

I took a long walk today in spite of the foul weather.

DW

Cameron: no thanks

Looks like the Tories are doing what I predicted, gaining the most seats in the House of Commons.

Here's another prediction: this will be a failure government. The Tories' team is inexperienced and filled with oafs. All they have ever done is blether for a living. Probably clever lads but not good enough.

The thought of William Hague travelling the world on our behalf as Foreign Secretary fills me with complete dread.

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Teacher Student Exchange

Teacher refused to allow a late arriving student into his class. A male friend of the female student took umbrage and intervened. The ensuing conversation included the following:

Male Student: She is a girl and what is she supposed to do in the street?

Teacher: She is a girl, she was in the street, what was she doing?

Teacher won that exchange and didn't let the student in the class either.

DW

Hung Parliament? My @rse

I have largely avoided the current nonsense “General Election” taking place in the UK; but can’t help hearing over and over again how certain everyone is that this election is balanced on a knife edge. These pundits all seem to KNOW that there is going to be a hung parliament.

Well, let me reassure everyone that the parliament will not be hung. There may be a surprise or two but it will not be a hung parliament.

Who will win? Well, I am not one of those know alls and I have not been anywhere near the campaign so will not say. My dream is that a good old fashioned true liberal socialist government is returned but with nothing of the like of Gordon Brown as Prime Minister.

I also hope that should the Tories win that David Cameron fails to become its leader and that William (Billy the Beer) Hague does not, repeat not, sit in the cabinet and represent the UK in any foreign capacity: let’s keep him a secret. Otherwise it will be far too embarrassing for me.

I also want Michael Gove NOT to be Education Minister because he has ignored the campaign to keep A Levels honest. George Osborne cannot, please cannot, become Chancellor of the Exchequer either.

Otherwise, they will do what on earth they like. They are campaigning as if they mean it! Liars!

DW

Tea Tree Oil

I have mentioned this before, probably on the blog entries that disappeared when my then Blog provider suddenly vanished.

I bought a bottle of tea tree oil the other week and after a calculation or two found out that in its concentrated form it retails at £3,800 a LITRE.

And you thought your petrol/diesel was a bit on the pricey side.

Duncan

Good news … I’m not involved

I am out of the UK at the moment as everyone knows and I am so happy that the General Election is going on without me.

Non Brits here are asking me what I think about those Prime Ministerial debates and I say, haven’t watched them; and I haven’t. They ask why and I say what’s the point?

Brown, the PM who never should have been, Cameron, the PM who doesn’t deserve to be and Clegg, the PM who will never be.

I can just imagine the Oxbridgies and the Champagne Socialists closeted in their Battleground Headquarters (it will be called something like that, I can almost guarantee). Oh yah! Deffo! Absolutamundo! These are words that will be flying round these offices as these oh so clever people try to work out which make up looks best on Gordy, how to make that aristocratic looking oaf look normal and how to overcome the fact that Clegg is a working class name from the North of England that’s associated with a comedy television programme and Wallace and Gromit.

What everyone knows is that style wins over substance and each of these parties will be desperately hoping that their PR stylists can win the battle in those programmes. Meanwhile what really matters to the likes of you and me goes sailing right past unhurried and unworried!

That’s why I haven’t watched even though they have been shown here on BBC World. Thpppzzzzz to them all.

Moreover, I know that if I were at home not one prospective Parliamentary candidate would ever come knocking at my door: it’s never happened to me.

DW

Don't you just hate it when ...

Imagine the scene: you are in a computer lounge and want to print a document but it won't print. There is an assistant to help who finds that the cable has to be connected since it is not connected wirelessly.

Nothing works so the assistant calls a technician.

The technician does NOTHING except arrive and ask you to try to print your document again and ... it prints first time.

Makes you look like a complete tosser.

Don't you hate that?

DW

Try Doing Business Online at Holiday Time

This is a simulcast with Duncan's Diacritical Discussion

Have you ever had a problem and tried to solve it online over a bank holiday weekend? For the last few bank holidays I have had something to try to resolve that surfaced just as the holiday had started or was about to start. Something different each time.

In all faith and with confidence you write to the support line, help line ... and explain everything. Then sudden death. Nothing happens. Nothing.

So this has happened again: I got an email on Thursday to tell me that the latest upgrade to some software that I want to upgrade has arrived. Yesterday, Good Friday, I tried to upgrade but for some reason it won't accept any of my email addresses as my registered address even though my copy is fully registered.

So I wrote yesterday morning to ask how to resolve this and pay for the upgrade. Death by silence.

If I complain about this or make a suggestion when they do reply, which effectively will be Wednesday because it's American software and I am more than a working day ahead of them, they will ignore it as a whinging Limey's rant!!

End of rant!

DW

The Addled Mind of a Warbler who thinks he knows Something

I see that primary school teacher turned vest wearer turned warbler turned "campaigner" has blurted something else to prove how addled he is. Gordon Sumner, in other words.

Sumner is a NIMBY person: no one should do what's bad and wrong ... oh! apart from me.

So neither you nor I can fly in an aeroplane because of the environmental damage that causes. He can.

Neither you nor I should have more than one house because that means you've got to travel between them and that's bad for the environment. He can.

HIs latest oafish comment, although I have only read the headline, is that he thinks smoking cannabis is fine cos, like, you know, whatever. No one has been damaged by smoking cannabis apparently, so, man, Roxaaaaaaaanne, like, smoke on yeah!

Where's Wally? Found him: he's living under the pseudonym of Sting the Vest Wearing Hypocrite and Know Nothing Warbler.

Clown!

DW

Football Talk: Mowbray sacked, where's the surprise in that?

When they appointed Tony Mowbray as manager of Celtic FC I was surprised. Everyone I know who follows football couldn't reconcile his performance last season at getting WBA relegated and then taking over at Celtic Park.

Well, I told you so! After a 4 - 0 thrashing by some underling team (St Mirren) the other day, the Celtic Board has had enough and Mowbray has gone.

Read all about it here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/c/celtic/8586352.stm

Who are these people who make fortunes in business and elsewhere then buy a football club and lose all sense of reason and acumen?

DW

How old?

Like most people I have a spot of pride and some vanity in my system but sometimes it gets punched out of shape. Take last night, for example.

Last night I went to a barbecue party: not for the meat but for the meet. Anyway, there was a woman there from Tajikistan, Central Asia; and I know she is going on leave shortly so to make polite conversation I asked her if she was going home and she said yes because her parents are very old now and she wants to spend time with them.

I asked her how old they are and she said her father is 60. I said you think that is very old and she said yes. She is in her mid thirties by my estimation.

Anyway, to try to give her some perspective on life and the age of people I thought I'd be smart and ask her how old she thought I was. I stood back and, I suppose, I waited for a compliment of some sort. She said she thought I look 70 years old.

OMG that was a shock I have to say! I stood back again waiting for the punch line or a wry or cheeky smile or even a "don't be silly" but all I got was affirmation. I think I don't look anywhere near 70 do I?

Well, reflecting on that I am considering going to live alone on top of a mountain with some goats for company. At least they won't mind whether I look 70 or my real age which is considerably less than that!!!

DW

Yet Another Bill Gates Problem

How did the world allow Bill Gates and Microsoft to become such a massive monopoly? Yet again, in spite of stringent anti virus protection and all the rest of it, I have had another computer crash.

I have got most things backed up so no massive loss but now I have migrated to another computer, using another anti virus package to make sure these evil knackers can’t get at me only to find that Excel 2010 can’t cope with my file.

I really, really must migrate to a Mac and get rid of this pestilence for ever, it’s driving me up the wall: twice or three times a year, every year this Gates is forced upon me.

The Excel file I am working on now is a CRITICAL file so thank you Bill Gates and I wish I knew how to sue him and his company for all of the time and stress he causes me and the rest of the planet.

DW

Scribes of the World Unite

In the project I am currently working in, there is

• a Nepali gentleman whose first name is Shakespeare
• an Australian gentleman whose name is Edmund Burke

I have just received the CV from a man from the Philippines whose first two names are

• Robert Bruce

No joke! Truth is stranger than fiction!

DW

Is it Always the same?

I have just read this in today's Financial Times

Sterling was hammered on foreign exchange markets on Monday as investors reeled from the prospect of a hung parliament following the British general election, expected in May.

Firstly, please correct me if I'm wrong but haven't these political pundits been expecting a hung parliament every time for the last 50+ years? Even when Blair slaughtered that oaf Hague, they were expecting a hung parliament.

Secondly, who is expecting the election in May? Let me stick my neck out, although I have been right about the behaviour of Gordon Brown every time I make a prediction: Brown will call an election as late as possible and if that means June this year, June it will be. He desperately wanted the job of PM and he desperately wants to keep it as long as possible.

DW

The Green, Green Grass of Home

In my previous post (At last a tax that won't hit me!), I discussed the crass suggestion from the UN of taxing the flatulence of the world's cows. To redress the balance, how about this?

Nearly $5 per square foot per year. That's the estimated savings by tenants of environmentally friendly buildings because of fewer employee sick days, according to a study cited by the US Green Building Council. About 55% of respondents in the study also indicated that employee productivity had improved in green buildings.

The work was based on surveys of 154 buildings under [CB Richard Ellis Group] (CBRE's) management, totalling more than 51.6 million square feet and housing 3,000 tenants in ten markets across the US. The study defined a green building as those with LEED certification at any level or those that bear the EPA ENERGY STAR ® label.

See this URL for more details: http://www.usgbc.org/News/USGBCInTheNewsDetails.aspx?ID=4250

That web page goes on to discuss the financial and other implications of building environmentally friendly structures. If it really is all true and the findings apply world wide, we need to sit up and listen. Building in a green way might, I say just might, offset some of that flatulence of the cows that the UN is so afraid of!

DW

At Last a Tax that Won't Hit Me!

How about this, from today's Financial Times (Call for tax on livestock emissions By Javier Blas in London, 19th February 2010):

Livestock should be taxed to reduce the contribution made by their flatulence to greenhouse gas emissions, the United Nations said yesterday in a report that will give anti livestock campaigners fresh ammunition.

The novel suggestion by the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation to use taxation comes as campaigners focus on the impact on climate change of emissions of methane from cattle, sheep and pigs.

Have you ever heard anything so stupid? Cows are well known to belch methane gases as they ruminate and digest. Methane is a noxious greenhouse gas. Blah! Blah!

How about Mr Phiri in Malawi tending his ONE cow? While large beef and dairy farms in the UK employ advisors and tax consultants to optimise their tax bill, Mr Phiri will meet the Malawian tax inspector and be hit with a demand for, say, 100 Kwacha or goodness knows how much these people can dream of charging. Mr Phiri will have no one to advise him.

The poor will pay this tax, as always. Then again, real enforcement will be a nightmare and the French will demand that all cows must be French speaking cows and they will want a subsidy for them anyway.

Crass!

DW

Even the International Baccalaureate does it!

Following my recent perorations on the subject of GCSE and A Level Examiners abusing their positions as Examiners for personal and private financial reward at the expense of honesty, integrity and professionalism, I have been persuaded to ask the International Baccalaureate Organisation what their position is in this respect. After all, last week I found an IB Examiner offering his services in the UK in the same way that GCSE and A Level Examiners are doing.

Here is the letter I have just sent to the IB organisation in Switzerland:

Dear Sirs,

I noticed on a web site for a revision programme in the UK last week that IB examiners are offering their services as private tutors to candidates for your up and coming examinations.

That is, the people who are possibly setting but certainly marking candidates’ papers are teaching those very candidates how to pass the examination that they as examiners are directly involved with.

As a parent I am really concerned that anyone who is prepared to pay the examiners will benefit directly from their expertise and tips whilst anyone who does not or cannot pay, gets nothing.

What is the IB’s policy on this matter, please?

Yours etc

DW

Beware the Hob Nob

Be careful when singing along to a powerful song while eating a Hob Nob biscuit.

There's my first top tip in a very long time!

DW

A Levels are up for sale: part 3

If you are following this debate you will know that I wrote to Ed Balls of the UK government and was fobbed off by one of his minions. So I wrote an open letter to Balls and a follow up letter to the minion. Both of those letters can be found in this blog.

I let sleeping dogs lie for a few days and then did a bit of research. I was told that the Gordon Brown government and the Examinations Boards all have what they call "thorough systems" in place to stop what I am saying is happening: GCSE and A Level examiners teaching students how to pass their own exams in return for money.

This means that if you are prepared to pay an examiner to tell you or your child how to pass the examination that they might have set and might be marking, they will do that for you. In private. Behind closed doors. For the privileged few.

So, I tested these "thorough systems" by carrying out a simple google search ... here is a letter I have just sent off to Balls' minion:

Dear Helen,

I am well aware that you will soon simply consign my responses to your delete button. However, before you do that let me just demonstrate how ineffective your “thorough systems” really are. I have just taken a random sweep via a google search query through just a few Easter 2010 revision courses for GCSE and A Levels. I also included the International Baccalaureate for my own curiosity to see how widespread the examiner money grabbing mentality might be: I found what I expected to find but since you are probably not interested in the IB, I have not included my research results here for you.

1 Here is a page from the very FIRST revision course web site that I looked at: http://www.justincraig.ac.uk/easter_revision.php Scroll down the page and find this:

Guidance from the tutors, many of whom are examiners, on best practise exam technique

Did you see that? ... many of whom are examiners ...

It is a major selling point that some of the tutors on these courses are examiners.

2 Now from the fourth revision web site I visited: http://www.abbeycambridge.co.uk/subjects/easter-revision/index.aspx?pageid={4bd18459-3956-460f-9181-4fb073e57ae1}&tsi=1

Why attend Easter Revision?
... Most of out (sic) tutors hold further degrees; moreover, some of them are examiners in their subject.
Our courses aim to help you master examination technique and boost your subject knowledge.

Did you spot that: some of them are examiners in their subject ... and then they reinforced that by saying: Our courses aim to help you master examination technique and boost your subject knowledge.

3 Then there is the fifth revision web site I went to: http://www.mpw.co.uk/camb/easter-revision.asp?scW=1024

Here they say:

Our tutors are highly-qualified graduates whose experience at MPW has trained them to be particularly adept at building students’ confidence quickly and efficiently. Many are GCSE and A level examiners and are therefore attuned to the requirements and approaches of the various examination boards.

I don’t need to go on do I Helen as I have shown from a small sample that 60% of the providers of revision courses are using examiners as their face to face, behind closed doors, for personal and private financial reward, tutors. So, people who are prepared to pay for the privilege get access to the very people who may have set and could well be marking their own, their very own, examination scripts.

I don’t intend to give you any get out clauses here Helen and I do expect you to do something other than fob me off as you did with your original email last week.

What is happening is happening in spite of your supposed “thorough systems” and in spite of the Examination Boards’ protestations that it is not happening. One day this campaign that I am part of will hit home with a minister, MP or civil servant who will finally see that our GCSE and A Level system is rotten from the core. When that day comes, I sincerely hope that the many people who have been party to fobbing off the likes of me will resign en masse.

Best wishes

DW

PS Chris Sivewright has been working on this campaign, to stop this inner rot, for even longer than I have. He chided me the other day as you might have seen by telling me to acknowledge the work of others. Fair point Chris and in my defence I told him that because of the work I do and the location of where I do it, I am largely working on my part of this in isolation and things happen as they happen. Whilst I wish I were part of a fully coordinated campaign I cannot be. I am glad, though, every now and again to tell people that I am not the only person fighting this campaign. In fact, thousands and thousands of people are ... whether actively or passively!

A Level Bunkum II

Following on from my open letter to Ed Balls (Secretary of State in the Gordon Brown Cabinet, one of whose tasks is to safeguard the UK's education system) I sent a follow up the following day to the poor minion who had been given the task of fobbing me off. Here is that response:

Dear Helen,

I have probably failed again with my previous and relatively extensive response to your email so here is the shortened version that really, really ought to make someone in Whitehall sit up and listen:

Principal, senior and other examiners for GCSE and A Level exams present revision sessions and seminars for personal and private financial reward. These sessions are usually held behind closed doors. The audience very commonly, though not exclusively, comprises candidates for the examinations for which the examiner is responsible. Why do these candidates PAY examiners to run these seminars? I wonder!

That this happens is a FACT. That your “thorough systems” are allowing it to happen is a FACT. For goodness’ sake can you get someone to stop this charade? Other examining bodies simply do not allow their examiners anywhere near their candidates and for very good reason.

Only in British schools is such a system allowed whereby the privileged few who are prepared to pay can be given unfettered access to the very people who have set and will mark and moderate the exam for which they are about to sit. If you can’t or won’t pay, you are excluded. This charade even transcends the supposed State School v Public School divide.

Helen: is that fair? Is that democratic? Is this a transparent and acceptable system? Or is it, rather, corrupt, unprofessional, demeaning and out of control?

I have spoken to a great many people on this issue and the ONLY people who are prepared to defend it are the very ones who are in a position to do something about it: you and your colleagues in Whitehall. Isn’t that very odd?

I really do expect someone rational to be given the task of resolving this issue and I have already passed along this latest correspondence to a senior educational journalist who has been following this story for several years now.

Best wishes

DW

(Watch out for the next posting ... part three)

Fran Williamson's web site

A few weeks ago a colleague and I were talking about my daughter Fran: Paralympic swimmer extraordinaire. He suggested that I write a book on Fran's life that would act both as a record and as a motivator. I said it was a good idea and that I'd think about how to do it.

Little did I know at that time that Fran was way ahead of me. Take a look at Fran's web site where you will see lots of fascinating stuff on ability, disability, achievement, motivation and more: http://www.fran-williamson.co.uk/young-disabled-people-in-cambridge.html

If you need a motivator, here she is!

DW

An open Letter to Ed Balls

As is my wont, I am crusading against corruption in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system. I have been carrying out this crusade for several years now. Evan Harris MP failed in this campaign. Linda MP failed in this campaign. Now Ed Balls who is Secretary of State responsible for this area has fobbed me off by passing my latest missive to a junior member of his staff.

Here is the latest ill thought out response from Whitehall. Firstly the reply to my latest attempt at rooting out this corruption and secondly my initial response.

Thank you for your e-mail of 9 January alleging corruption in the GCSE and A Level examination systems.  I have been asked to reply.

I note that you have raised similar concerns with the Department on a number of occasions over recent years.  The awarding bodies and Ofqual have thorough systems in place to manage any conflicts of interests inherent in the exams system, and we have previously shared details of those with you.  Ofqual have also previously looked at the concerns you have raised.  This being so, I fear there is nothing I can add to the previous correspondence with you from Ministers and officials.

Yours sincerely,

HB
QCDA, Ofqual and Exams Delivery

Dear H,

This will not go away just because you think this matter has been resolved several times. It has not. No minister, no MP, no civil servant has ever accepted that examiners from UK Examinations Boards ARE ex officio making money by holding private seminars with candidates for THEIR examinations in contravention of the rules of those boards and in contravention of ethics and professional behaviour.

You must have seen the articles The Times Educational Supplement over the last three years or so, you must have read Warwick Mansell’s recent book on this and related examination issues, you really must be aware that I am not a crank and that I really do have documentary evidence that no one in the government and civil service, including you now, is in the least bit interested in upholding GCSE and A Level standards.

You are wrong in your assertion that you have previously looked at my concerns. Read my letters maybe but investigated no. I have been fobbed off before with the most inane arguments. I have sent you PROOF that examiners are in breach of their contracts with the Examination Boards and PROOF that these Boards are turning a blind eye to them. All of this is in direct contravention of codes of conduct, codes of practices, statutes and goodness knows what else. Here you are fobbing me off again. It really won’t do. To be fair to some examiners, once it has been pointed out to them that what they are doing is wrong, they stop. Yes, truly: one examiner wrote to me with a profound apology and he took down pages and pages from his web site because of what I pointed out to him. He realised the error of his ways. In the meantime, however, his Examinations Board, in its foot stamping belligerence closed its eyes and said the examiner had done no wrong.

Your thorough systems cannot be so thorough can they when it is as plain as the nose on your face that examiners are walking all over them all of the time. As I type this I can guarantee that there will be advertisements in many newspapers, on websites and in mail shots at the moment in the UK advertising Easter revision courses. Many of those courses will be run by and on behalf of Examiners from the GCSE and A Level Examinations Boards that I am persistently complaining about. Go to your library and reading rooms, go online, check the mail arriving at schools and colleges all over the country. Find those advertisements and then tell me I am wrong.

For your information, I have worked in countries where corruption and academic dishonesty are rife. I am currently working on a World Bank project in one such country. I am here to attempt to install democratic systems that are founded on integrity, transparency and the rule of law. Don’t you find it ironic that here I am trying to teach people in undeveloped countries how to behave whilst at home, the OFFICIAL LINE is that flawed and corrupt systems are allowed there too?

I told Ed Balls on his twitter account that I will not simply go away and I will not. If I have to wait for this government to be dismissed I will. Shouldn’t be long now should it?

Thanks for writing anyway even if it was such a shabby, ill thought out and badly researched email.

Duncan Williamson

Not PVD: much more serious

I was whisked off to Dubai where they diagnosed a detached retina. By 6pm I had had an operation to repair it.

I have to say it is frightening to see one's eyesight deteriorating so badly and so quickly.

Impressive to see so many skilled people working in harmony.



Praise be!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Posterior Vitreous Detachment (PVD)

Oh bother!

four or five years ago I had what is called a PVD in my right eye: worrying to start with until the optician explained what it is, how it happens ... not serious.

Here we are again and there's another one happening as I type. Different part of the same eye and a bit more inconvenient this time as it's bigger than the previous one.

Talking to medics now and awaiting their final analysis of what to do about it.

DW

Billy, Billy, Billy Gates ... ReadyBoost. Pshaw!

Why does this man and his rubbish really get to me? I wonder how many blogs, emails and conversations EVERY DAY speak of loathing for this man and his useless Microsoft products and services?

Like a moron, a few months ago I let Windows Vista use a 1Gb flash drive for ReadyBoost. Oh! don't worry, it will speed up your system no end ... Well, I noticed no differences whatsoever: maybe it makes microseconds of difference to some things but not the differences that I thought were being offered.

Today, in my ignorance, I decided enough was enough and I would claim the flash drive back. I thought the best way to do this would be to reformat the drive: WRONG! Gates and his lunatics have done here what they have done so many times before. If anyone wants to interfere with MS, they pay.

Not only would my flash drive not reformat under any conditions, I cannot now even access it for any reason whatsoever.

Well done Bill Gates, come on down!

I really want to meet that man, I've got so many things to talk about: we go back decades. I really ought to throw all of my MS things away, go to Apple and start again. Why don't I do that?

DW

Read that Graph CAREFULLY

Everyone here knows that I find it difficult to respect a man who feels able to spend $1,600,000,000 on his own job interview expenses but even Obama needs some protection from the badly drawn graphs and charts. Even the Financial Times can get it wrong!

Here is a graph cut and pasted from yesterday's Financial Times:

How about the corrected version where the vertical axis is NOT chopped off just below the half way point ... no such a drastic change over the year is it?

This post was also uploaded to Duncan's Diacritical Discussion

DW

Online Scam Artists

A genuine and honest friend suggested a long time ago that we keep in touch via one of those social networking sites. So I joined. Nothing happened for a long time and me and the friend used the site now and again.

Recently, the volume of messages has increased and I have been getting messages from well known scam artists: they are usually in the Philippines or Ghana.

This evening a young man said he loved me and wanted to call me honey. I went along with it and as I expected he told me he was a student but his exams, yawn, were next week. Oh and misery me he didn't have any money for his fees. Yawn, yaaaaawwwn.

I asked him how much and he told me. So I suggested I pay for the whole term: hang it, make sure he doesn't suffer. It was four times what he asked for and when he asked me if I was sure I said it would be my pleasure!

He turned his cam on and he was half naked (top half!) and I asked him to do a bit of a dance for me and he did. Entertaining stuff and it showed that at least he was prepared to work for his money a little bit.

I stopped chatting to him and deleted him from my list immediately.

Don't fall for these lies. They are not students, they are not going to take an exam and they are not anything remotely resembling what they say they are.

Clown and of course he isn't going to get any money from me!

DW

JK Rowling known everywhere!

I am living and working in rather a remote place at the moment but this conversation took place this morning.

The decorators are in and one of them asked me, Are you British?

I said, Yes I am

He replied, I knew it. I knew you were British because you sound like Harry Potter!

I said, You'd better be careful and pretended to cast a spell in his direction. He then asked where my magic wand was!!

Great fun!

DW

Everything comes to he who waits!

Forty years ago? Fifty years ago? I can't remember but I do know one thing, I used to listen to a short piece of music on the radio and have longed to know what it was called ...

I THINK it used to precede the Today programme on Radio 4 all of those years ago. It doesn't last long. However, how does one hum or tra la a piece of music when one has no musical talent at all? If I tried to explain the piece of music to anyone they would walk away from me thinking that all plots had been lost.

Well, here I am minding my own business and letting my iPod meander down my 1,308 songs and tunes and when it got to this piece, I had to write and tell you Eureka:

Badinerie from Orchestral Suite No 2 in B Minor by JS Bach

THIS is the piece I fell in love with all those years ago and I recommend you find and listen to it now.

DW

Have YOU ever seen an Aeroplane with a Bathroom?

Apart from that aeroplane in the OLD Imperial Leather soap advert, that is.

This is the text of a feedback message I have just sent to the Mail Online:

I just read the story here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1241773/Armed-police-storm-plane-Heathrow-Airport-security-threat-board.html and in that story they talk about airlines closing bathrooms on their aeroplanes and I was puzzled

Even when they are in the sky, some passengers have been told to remain seated for the final hour of flight time, with no access to the bathroom or overhead lockers and nothing on their laps, including blankets or pillows.

I am a very frequent flyer and fly on all sorts and sizes of aeroplanes and, to be perfectly frank, I have yet to see a bathroom on any commercial flight. I have even been on the Airbus A380 with Emirates, in business class, but even then there was no bathroom.

Please let me know where I can find a flight with a bathroom as I'd like to fly on it and use the bath: it would be a first for me!

DW

Follow your own advice laddie

I wish I had!

Just before he set off on a monster trip of the Far East, my nephew asked me for some advice. He wanted to know the best strategy for foreign exchange for his trip: he asked about taking dollars, traveller's cheques and so on. I told him, whatever you do DO NOT get your currency here in the UK.

As I was leaving Dubai I checked the rates there as I had a little bit of foreign currency with me. Why oh why did I not follow my own advice? I ran out of time and opportunity to change my money in the end although I did change a little bet at Dubai International Airport. The rate there was a bit worse than I would have got in town but I changed it.

Anyway, when I got to the bank here at home I found their rate was £:$ of 1.74 ... in Dubai the rate at the time I SHOULD have changed my money was £:$ 1.61.

Just imagine I was changing $1,000 ... in Dubai I would have got £621, here in Halifax I would have got £575, a difference of £46.

Don't do what I do, do what I say! What a clot I am!!

DW

Daisy, Daiseeeee ...

I find the gross over use of the word amazing extremely irritating and here is the latest.

On Radio 4 this morning there was an article on a woman called Daisy. I didn't hear the start of that article but the only thing missing from Daisy's persona was a speech impediment: that would have been a nap hand!!

Daisy seems to be someone who pans for gold in rivers. She was married in the highlands of Scotland in a place where all of her guests, fellow panners, could pan for gold the day after the wedding. Good for them.

BUT I heard Daisy saying that many people in Scotland panned for gold a couple of centuries or so ago and then some of that gold ended up in the crown jewels of some Jock King. Daisy said with rising, excited, inflection, that incorporating that gold in that King's baubles was amazing! Why on earth was that amazing Daisy?

People pan for gold. People find gold. People do various things with the gold they have found such as

• sell it
• keep it for themselves
• turn it into jewellery

NONE of those objectives is amazing.

I don't suppose Daisy will read this and I don't want to write and ask her what was so amazing because she will undoubtedly write back in a bilious manner.

Here is a picture of Daisy I have just created:

Eeesh! New programme now and the very first guest said that even walking round her garden when it is covered in snow is amazing. WHY is it amazing?

From www.dictionary.com:

• a⋅maze –verb (used with object)

• 1 to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.
• 2 Obsolete. to bewilder; perplex.
• –verb (used without object)
• 3 to cause amazement: a new art show that delights and amazes.

DW

Don't Even Like Kids!!

I was walking down the road this afternoon when a couple of boys on the opposite side of the road threw a snowball at a man about 50 yards in front of me. He turned round and looked at bit angry so I pointed over the road and snitched on the kids!

He let me catch up to him. I said there were two boys thinking they were clever ... he said, kids, never liked 'em!

Having noticed that he was wearing hiking boots, winter clobber and was carrying a ski pole, I said he looked set up for a long walk. In rather a dejected voice he replied that he was killing time! I asked, what does that mean? He said he was supposed to be going home to Penzance but his wife had broken her ankle. He said they were out in the snow yesterday and as his wife came towards him, she went over on her ankle and it broke!

I asked if she was in hospital and he said it needs pinning but they can't do it before Saturday and they're stuck here for another two weeks.

As we got to my bus stop we parted and I wished him well and he wished me a happy new year!

Nice chat all brought on when two boys threw a snowball at a complete stranger!

DW

Ed Balls and Michael Gove ... where are you?

In October, before I went on a two and a half month trip away from home, I wrote to Ed Balls and Michael Gove in relation to the cheating and corruption inherent in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system.

Balls is the Minister responsible for education and Gove is his Tory shadow.

The problem I have been campaigning on for a few years is a real one and I have presented a lot of hard facts and evidence of cheating and corruption and yet two MPs and various civil servants have been happy to turn a blind eye to what is happening. I have even been threatened with legal action by one Examinations Board who then had to slink away from their position when they realised they had tried far too hard to bully me into silence.

These wretched people who are presiding over this abuse of position and privilege have to be hounded out of office and in the case of Gove, prevented from getting into office. Neither of them has replied to my letters.

I need a Tiananmen Square moment to get these people out into the open and this corruption solved and stopped.

DW

Liar Liar

The great thing about the internet and living in the UK is that I can say what I want, within the law and within the realms of decency, truth and so on.

Let me note that the Tories have openly admitted that they have started their general election campaign. We were treated on day one to the sight of a number of ne'er do well Tory politicians trawling the country as they seek to persuade us that we should vote for them.

The film Liar Liar sprung to mind: we should all watch that film again with the general election in mind.

I like the idea of the three week general election campaign and really resent the Tories, or anyone for that matter, deciding that we need to suffer their perorations longer than that. The two YEAR Obama campaign was far too much to suffer and we don't need that here.

DW

Cluedo? Clueless more like!!

So Dima and I settled down to play a game of Cluedo last night. Neither of us remembered how to play so we read the rules and set off.

We set up the board, the cards and the characters and although we didn't initially follow the rules properly we soon got up to speed.

In the end Dima decided he had all the evidence he needed so he said he wanted to make his accusations:

• the rope
• the kitchen
• Miss Scarlett

OK, we turned over the cards in the centre of the board:

• the rope ... good!
• the kitchen ... very good!
• the dagger ... Doh!

How did that happen? I have to confess that I had sorted out and selected the three cards to go in the middle!

Clot

DW

New Year Two

I went to a “fab” new year’s eve do last night. After a good meal, walk and chat with a friend I ended up at the Music Room in the Majestic Hotel in Dubai. The first thing that struck me was the average age of the men there and then I spotted that the average age of their companions was a quantum leap lower: an ethnic group removed too!! Good for everyone if it spreads peace and happiness in the world.

Then there was a live group on stage. I can’t begin to tell you the genre of the group except that it wasn’t bee bop, gospel, rap or anything like that. It was LOUD though. The question entered my mind, however: is it vital for the performance of these singers and musicians to keep their hairstyles in tune with the music? Music from the 60s and 70s and hairstyles from the same era: men from that era too. Men of my age with long hair half way down their backs: ageing guitarists with very long wispy pony tails. Goodness!

One other feature was the lead guitarist who seemed to be English (I think) but who put an American inflection in his voice. Why would one do that I wonder?

As I walked back to the hotel at around 1 am the sound of the music was ringing in my ears. Literally! I was deafened temporarily from the excessive noise these groups pump out. I also stank of cigarette smoke and my clothes still do.

There was another phenomenon that I noticed. People in the room would be walking around or even just standing still when one of their legs seemed to lurch sideways a little, as if the floor under that one foot had slipped into some Stephen Hawking type of space/time discontinuity. Odd that! Kept happening: seemed to be the same people every time too although as time went by, more and more people seemed to find these patches of flooring and tiles! I did notice though, that if one had drunk only soft drinks or hadn’t drunk alcoholic drinks to excess, the floor and one’s legs remained firm. Have I found something new and unusual in the order of the Universe Professor Hawking?

DW

Happy New Year

It's already 01:15 where I am and 2010 has already arrived so it's time to wish everyone who visits this blog a happy new year.

Health, prosperity and happiness to all.

DW


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