It's the North

Talking to daughter Fran this evening and when I said it's a bit damp up here she said without a touch of irony, "Well, it is the North."! Cheeky monkey.

 

DW

Weight or wait

I now know that BMI, a British low frills airline, makes you pay for excess WAIT and not excess WEIGHT, as erroneously printed on their tickets and terms and conditions.

 

I flew back from Heathrow to Manchester the other day and paid £20 for the privilege of carrying an extra 4 kilogrammes of weight in my suitcase. I paid it even though I know all scheduled airlines think nothing of as much as 5 kg more with some waiving even more than that.

 

However, they have then unleashed their excess wait on me: they have lost my suitcase. Not just delayed it but lost it. At the time of writing, two full days since I travelled, I have spoken to them several times, have got an authorisation to spend up to £25 on life's necessities: toothbrush, soap ... whatever I need.

 

As it happens, there is well in excess of £1,000 worth of things in that suitcase: a suit, blazer and shirts are all made to measure and expensive to replace. My shoes are Church shoes and will cost £200 to replace ... As we speak, my mobile phone is being recharged in the car ...

 

I am tolerating "Jane" at the other end of the phone at the moment but will want to move on to someone more substantial very soon. I don't have any more business shirts as all 11 of them were in that case. I haven't shaved since Monday morning but will have to buy another razor now ... Why have I put Jane in inverted commas? The little thing is in Bangalore I think and is as likely to be called Jane as I am to be called Tarzan! No offence!

 

British Airways went through a phase of delaying my suitcases but at least they always got them back to me pretty quickly. BMI now, here's a completely different kettle of fish.

 

DW

More language stupidity

I was standing in a queue at WH Smith in Terminal One at Heathrow yesterday and overhead an English sounding person standing behind me talking to his wife:

It's in the REGULAR cupboard at the end ...

I really wanted to ask him how many irregular cupboards he's got and what makes a cupboard regular?

Stupid people trying to be something that doesn't exist.

DW

Top Tip: if you want to carry a jar of instant coffee in your suitcase, make sure the lid of the jar is securely fastened. DW

England and football

He's known in some newspapers as Steve McClown: Steve McClaren, the England football manager.

 

I watched the match between England and Israel last night, a vital match as England attempts to qualify for the Euro 2008 championships. Whilst England won 3: 0 I came away feeling that England's performance was aimless. Meandering up and down the pitch with little to convince me that there was any longer term strategy underlying the performance.

 

Why McClown then? Well, he's was interviewed after the match and claimed a magnificent victory.

 

England faces Russia in the next match in this series: we'll see more of the truth then I think.

 

DW

Where was Pavarotti from?

Listening to those insecure English speakers on Sky News you would be confused as to where Luciano Pavarotti was born and is now buried. As these people do their best to adopt more and more AmerEnglish, I have heard that Pavarotti was born in

 

Mo'dinna

Moder'na

Modee'na

and a couple more that I can't remember now.

 

Pavarotti was born etc in Modena and In the old days, Modena used to be known in England as Modena, pron Modee'na.

 

Do these people go to classes to forget how to speak properly? I think it takes a lot of effort to forget how to speak properly. For example, I cannot and probably will never talk about the movies or the box office as I was brought up on films and the cinema. In the old days only Michael Parkinson ever said "The Movies".

 

One thing that's getting my goat at the moment is those inadequates who have learned to say 'neither ... or' instead of the correct 'neither ... nor'. One of the BBC's sports journalists said that a few weeks ago so I wrote to him to point out the error of his ways. The errant journalist replied and said he'd no idea when he'd said it but apologised anyway. It must have been in his script because he said it more than once in the programme he was presenting.

 

Janet Street Porter said neither ... or, too, the other day on a BBC programme about art when she was trying to present the argument that Andy Warhol was better than Michealangelo (or was it Leornardo da Vinci?) Her teeth almost fell out given the haste she was in to tell us that she actually met Warhol once: name dropping was neither needed nor appreciated, madam!

 

I eat neither lard nor meat thank you!

 

DW