Fly BMI? You must be joking

Here is a warning to anyone who thinks that flying with BMI is a good idea.

 

I took a flight with them from Heathrow to Manchester on 11th September, 2007 and checked in with a bag weighing just 24 kg. That suitcase contained all of my business shirts, a suit with two pairs of trousers, a blazer, a pair of shoes ... plus loads of other things that someone having just been on a three week trip might need. Total value around £1,800.

 

The bag didn't arrive in Manchester. More than that, the bag still hasn't arrived.

 

So, you might say, calm down, lost luggage is a fact of life: I agree, it is. However, what is not a fact of life is the abuse that I am now suffering.

 

Firstly, their representative LIED to me by saying that after 24 hours of the delay I could claim £25 for essential items such as toothpaste and toothbrush, shaving tackle ... I went to their site anf found that I was entitled to £50. So I told them that and they said, OK, spend £50 then. I have claimed for this with receipts but so far have had not so much as an acknowledgement from them. I sent the letter recorded delivery and know they received it.

 

Secondly, as per BMI's rules, I submitted my claim to BMI's luggage loss adjuster's organisation THREE WEEKS AGO. Again, no acknowledgement that they have so much as received my claim. Nothing. They don't give out a phone number either so the only way to talk to them is by mail or by fax. That loss adjuster's offices is near London so I can't just pop in to see them either.

 

I faxed them after a while and said, please help as I am about to go on another trip so could they pay me an interim amount so that I could buy some shirts ... THEY FAILED TO RESPOND.

 

I then sent a fax to BMI's head office: to their Chairman, CEO, CFO and COO and have heard NOTHING from them. I sent a copy of my claim to them and said that I was going on a trip shortly and need some shirts, a suit, shoes etc.

 

I have only ever used one no frills airline before and that experience with easyJet was fine. BMI, however, is a different story. They take your money and offer a dreadful level of service. I am writing this as a warning to you all and to help you to appreciate one of the ways in which their service is no frills:

 

they lie about your allowances

they can't wait to charge you excess amounts for services they will not provide

they don't deliver your luggage

they don't help you in any way when you submit a claim except that their representative in the baggage hall at Manchester was very helpful

they don't compensate you in a reasonable time

they provide no follow up service in any way

 

Fly BMI ... never again! NEVER.

 

Duncan Williamson

Checking in

This is a simulcast: both of my blogs are publishing this short post.

 

I checked into my hotel in Bangkok a couple of hours or so ago and here is a top tip for you.

 

Because I worked for a company a few years ago whose standard hotel group was the Sheraton Group, I joined the hotel's Preferred Guest programme. I then benefitted from automatic upgrades when checking in as well as gathering points which I have used for free nights at their hotels in Park Lane and Knightsbridge in London.

 

Why this message then? Well, I have recently moved house and somewhere along the way I have lost my Preferred Guest card ... since I have stayed at this hotel before, they remembered me and automatically upgraded me.

 

That's service then!

DW 

Stupid Mother of the Year Award

I've got a nomination for the Stupid Mother of the Year Award. The stupid mother I have just seen driving her car with her baby on her lap. She was wearing her seatbelt, bless her; but her young sprog was not and was clambering all over the place.

 

So stupid: shouldn't we stop people like this from breeding?

 

DW

Boyish enthusiasm and the shape of langwidge to come?

As I wolfed my muesli, bran flake and all bran mixture for breakfast this morning I turned on a programme on the Discovery Civilisation channel called The Worst Jobs in History. This programme is presented by Tony Robinson, of Baldrick fame in the Blackadder series.

 

Boyish Enthusiasm

 

I switched on as they were discussing dreadful jobs from the Stuart period of British history and for some reason they blew up a car with three kilogrammes of gunpowder: something to do with Guy Fawkes. So the thing exploded and afterwards Robinson bounded in with boyish enthusiasm and said:

 

'Look at that. It's amazing, that hole'

 

Hmm, such language! I understand Robinson is the holder of a PhD, too. Let him be enthusiastic but why would he find a hole in a car amazing after having blown it up with all of that gunpowder?

 

Langwidge to Come?

 

As the adverts came on they showed a screen with this message on it:

 

Worse Jobs in History

Day

 

That nonsense is exactly equivalent to the clown who created a similar screen for the BBC version of 'The Apprentice: You're fired' with Alan Sugar. In that case the clown had typed:

 

'The Apprentice: Your fired'

 

Who is editing these things and how do these people who may well be semi literate get such jobs? They'll be writing 'I would of thought I done it right' next!

 

DW

 

 

Tote that barge!

I was told this fantastic story last night and it had us all rolling around laughing!

 

Jack (not his real name!) lives on a canal barge in Todmorden, West Yorks and to comply with various bits of legislation he has to move it now and again. So, he moved it around 100 metres from where it had been posted and carried on with his normal everyday life. Then he went for a couple of pints and had a good time. He wended his merry way home and when he got to where he normally went, he started to clamber aboard the good barge lollipop then SPLASH!. Nothing wrong with his memory except that it was offset by around 12 hours.

 

Jack tells the story that it was shocking enough when he fell into the canal but he lost his grip as he scrambled out and fell in again. Just as badly, when he did get on board there was no heating or hot water to be had as he hadn't lit a fire that day.

 

True story that!

 

DW

 

Frustration

I called my mobile operator yesterday because I desperately needed to send a fax. I was told it will be possible ... but the operator told me she couldn't finish the job then and wouldn't be in the office again until next Tuesday. Could I wait? Given an apparent lack of choice in the matter I said it could. It took me a lot of effort but I managed to send the fax in another way. DW

Celebrity Chef? Clown Chef more like. How old are you?

I know I am harsh on this blog sometimes but, hey, that's what blogging's
all about isn't it?

I have set up a radio system in my bedroom now so I can end and start the
day with my favourite BBC Radio 4. This means that I can then watch
Breakfast Television on BBC 1, having caught up with the world in bed.

Anyway, they had on "Celebrity Chef" James Martin to talk about tinned food.
Well, they would have done better to have me on to be honest. At one stage,
trying to defend his pathetic and ill thought out arguments, he said, 'Who
soaks peas any more? Serve marrowfat peas from a tin.' Clown! As he was
saying this, there just happened to be a goodly batch of dried peas ready
for me to cook for today's dinner ... I've already cooked them and eaten
half of them.

Tinned marrowfat peas are no substitute for real mushy peas. That chap calls
himself a Yorkshireman too: even more of a disgrace.

Then I got round to hiring a van for the weekend and was asked for my age:
when I told the young sounding lady at the other end of the line she said
'Brilliant'. Hmm, good!

DW

Chocolat

Finished reading the book chocolat by Joanne Harris and I didn't like it in the slightest.

 

Review will follow in a day or two!

 

DW

The weekend

Dima and Veronica came to stay for the weekend and that was good. Went out on Saturday night with Susan and Neville and D and V at a local Chinese restaurant: Wok 1 in Halifax. Nice sized restaurant with a good sized buffet and they have a lot of veggie options. The sweet trolley is extensive too: several lovely cakes plus ice cream and not just ice cream!

 

I have now moved the coffee table from the middle of the living room to the side and that has opened up the room a huge amount. I have also put my crockery away in the sidebaord and have switched on the lights in there and that has added a nice ambiance to the room too.

 

There is a big old hi fi set in the cupboard upstairs, courtesy of the previous occupants and that has an FM aerial which I filched for my own little stereo kit. So now I've got a radio/CD player/cassette player in my bedroom together with remote control so now I've got radio 4 on tap in almost every room in the house now! Plus other stations when I feel the need for change.

 

The weather has just turned a bit chilly here and there's been a fair amount of rain today too.

 

Thought I'd share all of that!

 

DW

Electrocution!

My car's battery drains at the drop of a hat and whilst I don’t like it I live with it for now. What that means is that if I don’t drive it for a day or two I will probably have to give it a boost with my battery booster! I was doing that on Thursday, just outside the house, when a kindly looking gentleman came along and this conversation ensued.

 

He:   Be careful with them [the leads on the booster]. Make sure you don't let them touch otherwise you might get a shock.

 

Me:   I did that once but I just blew the fuse.

 

He:   I'm living up the road, well, it's my parents house because I live in Cheltenham (I think he said), I work on Casualty, the television programme. Anyway, my dad did that, let the leads touch and he got a shock. He collapsed. I went to him but I couldn't touch him because I would have got a shock as well. So I dialled 999 and they told me not to touch him. Just collapsed he did.

 

So I just had to leave him alone until the ambulance came.

 

Me:   That's terrible and thanks for the advice ...

 

Friendly chappie that!

 

DW

It's the North

Talking to daughter Fran this evening and when I said it's a bit damp up here she said without a touch of irony, "Well, it is the North."! Cheeky monkey.

 

DW

Weight or wait

I now know that BMI, a British low frills airline, makes you pay for excess WAIT and not excess WEIGHT, as erroneously printed on their tickets and terms and conditions.

 

I flew back from Heathrow to Manchester the other day and paid £20 for the privilege of carrying an extra 4 kilogrammes of weight in my suitcase. I paid it even though I know all scheduled airlines think nothing of as much as 5 kg more with some waiving even more than that.

 

However, they have then unleashed their excess wait on me: they have lost my suitcase. Not just delayed it but lost it. At the time of writing, two full days since I travelled, I have spoken to them several times, have got an authorisation to spend up to £25 on life's necessities: toothbrush, soap ... whatever I need.

 

As it happens, there is well in excess of £1,000 worth of things in that suitcase: a suit, blazer and shirts are all made to measure and expensive to replace. My shoes are Church shoes and will cost £200 to replace ... As we speak, my mobile phone is being recharged in the car ...

 

I am tolerating "Jane" at the other end of the phone at the moment but will want to move on to someone more substantial very soon. I don't have any more business shirts as all 11 of them were in that case. I haven't shaved since Monday morning but will have to buy another razor now ... Why have I put Jane in inverted commas? The little thing is in Bangalore I think and is as likely to be called Jane as I am to be called Tarzan! No offence!

 

British Airways went through a phase of delaying my suitcases but at least they always got them back to me pretty quickly. BMI now, here's a completely different kettle of fish.

 

DW

More language stupidity

I was standing in a queue at WH Smith in Terminal One at Heathrow yesterday and overhead an English sounding person standing behind me talking to his wife:

It's in the REGULAR cupboard at the end ...

I really wanted to ask him how many irregular cupboards he's got and what makes a cupboard regular?

Stupid people trying to be something that doesn't exist.

DW

Top Tip: if you want to carry a jar of instant coffee in your suitcase, make sure the lid of the jar is securely fastened. DW

England and football

He's known in some newspapers as Steve McClown: Steve McClaren, the England football manager.

 

I watched the match between England and Israel last night, a vital match as England attempts to qualify for the Euro 2008 championships. Whilst England won 3: 0 I came away feeling that England's performance was aimless. Meandering up and down the pitch with little to convince me that there was any longer term strategy underlying the performance.

 

Why McClown then? Well, he's was interviewed after the match and claimed a magnificent victory.

 

England faces Russia in the next match in this series: we'll see more of the truth then I think.

 

DW

Where was Pavarotti from?

Listening to those insecure English speakers on Sky News you would be confused as to where Luciano Pavarotti was born and is now buried. As these people do their best to adopt more and more AmerEnglish, I have heard that Pavarotti was born in

 

Mo'dinna

Moder'na

Modee'na

and a couple more that I can't remember now.

 

Pavarotti was born etc in Modena and In the old days, Modena used to be known in England as Modena, pron Modee'na.

 

Do these people go to classes to forget how to speak properly? I think it takes a lot of effort to forget how to speak properly. For example, I cannot and probably will never talk about the movies or the box office as I was brought up on films and the cinema. In the old days only Michael Parkinson ever said "The Movies".

 

One thing that's getting my goat at the moment is those inadequates who have learned to say 'neither ... or' instead of the correct 'neither ... nor'. One of the BBC's sports journalists said that a few weeks ago so I wrote to him to point out the error of his ways. The errant journalist replied and said he'd no idea when he'd said it but apologised anyway. It must have been in his script because he said it more than once in the programme he was presenting.

 

Janet Street Porter said neither ... or, too, the other day on a BBC programme about art when she was trying to present the argument that Andy Warhol was better than Michealangelo (or was it Leornardo da Vinci?) Her teeth almost fell out given the haste she was in to tell us that she actually met Warhol once: name dropping was neither needed nor appreciated, madam!

 

I eat neither lard nor meat thank you!

 

DW

She really is not that interesting for right thinking people

I'm sorry but I've just got to say it. Luciano Pavarotti died yesterday and both Sky news and BBC World did him proud. Except that as the day wore on they managed to find more and more footage of Pavarotti with that woman Diana Frances Spencer. Please, please can you leave that woman to rest in peace now? It's enough that a seemingly mentally weak billionaire is keeping her inquest going without a load of sychophantic journalists and broadcasters feeling the need to keep her in the public eye in the way they are. DW

The World's Tallest ... Dubai

You may well have seen it first ... right here. The world's tallest building and it's still growing. The world's tallest building is here in this snap that I took last week. Which building is it? Well, it's erm, the tallest one, at the back!!

A debut for the first time!

Oman: just read a notice in the hotel, advertising a jazz pianist and her skills. Apparently, she's making her debut in Muscat for the first time. 'nuff said! DW

A Queue and Yours Truly

So there I was near the end of this snaking and hideously long queue at Dubai International Airport ready to check in for my flight to Muscat and there was an incident.

The people right in front of me were of the stand still type: as the people in front of them moved forward, they didn't. A non English speaking man from behind me tried to get them to move: each time the queue moved and they didn't, he lunged at them ... all friendly and relatively stress free. We then got to a meander in the queue and as these people didn't move forward, someone came round the corner and joined the queue IN FRONT OF THEM. I thought, bloody typical.

The stand still people stood still and someone else joined the queue in front of them, then two others. I took complete control at this stage, beginning with the words "Excuse me ... " Waving arms in the direction of the real queue I announced that they had joined the queue in error and should go to the back. I even spread my arms as if picking up the four people like a conjourer juggles four boxes of matches and lifted them from their current position to the back of the queue in a virtual manner!

The old non English speaking man felt that he ought to join in at this point but I gently informed him that he ought to take care of himself and very gently edged him away: he went.

The pushers in all pushed out and went to the back of the queue as they should have and one of them even apologised for his misunderstanding.

The stand still people said nothing but then did move forward and the queue then behaved well after that.

The non English speaking man said, "Thank you. Thank you." to me!!

Interesting eh?

DW

-- Duncan Williamson

US Senator Sex Scandal

That sex scandal doing the rounds in the US Senate at the moment re the member from Idaho reminds me of that fantastic but equally sad moment from one of those reality Cops programmes from years ago when someone was being dragged into custody and under the nbormal pressure of being arrested he said,

 

Ah's guilty but I didn't do it!

 

Over to you Senator!

 

DW

That Woman Again ... let her rest for all our sakes

I have lived without the television all day but as I turned it on half an hour or so ago, CNN started broadcasting their Special Investigations Unit programme 'Growing up Diana'. A whole hour devoted to that woman who lived the high life and conned many. Concerned for others, charity work ... lots of that. Come on, though, the rubbish they are coming out with is the most egregious rubbish you have ever seen.

They have found people who knew her when she was 6 years old and who KNEW THEN how special she was ... how sparkly and bubbly. When she was 13 she had more care and compassion in her than ANYONE ELSE of her age and standing.

One thing that does come across properly I think is why she was the way she was. Maybe she felt sadly neglected and damaged by the break up of her parents' marriage, she seemed to have looked for affection elsewhere: from people who could hardly refuse. I see it as a one way street leading straight to her own door.

One of the key "experts" they trotted out was the woman who Diana was a nanny for. She dragged out some letters and read the most astonishing tripe into it all.

Can we stop this money making, let's show our love and concern for Diana racket now?

DW

Ramblings as I travelled from Halifax to Manchester and then on to Dubai via Heathrow

Getting to Manchester Airport

 

Getting to Manchester Airport from Halifax is a breeze. Just get yourself onto the M62 and then follow the signs. Finding the car park wasn't that difficult but I did have to ask once for directions. Much easier than getting to Heathrow from Abingdon and the parking costs a third of what it costs at Heathrow.

 

Louis Vuitton and Burberry … why?

 

I know I am not a dedicated follower of fashion and I can see that some designer clothes, handbags and shoes are treasured and are to be admired but Louis Vuitton bags and anything with that dull, dull, dull Burberry plaid? I look at those LV bags and think, there must be something fantastic inside them that I am not privy to? I should look inside one some time and see what I'm missing. Burberry really is just fit for Chavs in my opinion.

 

British Airways Check in

 

For a reason that wasn't given I couldn't check in for my Dubai flight on line so I went to the BA check in desks at Manchester and asked if they could do it there for me. Fascinating psychology ensued! At first I was subjected to a barking check in clerk, the sort who thinks that they are doing me a favour by being there. I didn't react and answered all questions and handed over all information when asked. Then, a transformation: she didn't know how to do what I needed to do and had to keep asking her colleague for help. That made her humble and by the time I left, I was checked in and she had even booked me a vegetarian meal within the 24 hour embargo period. Her tone was much more acceptable by the time I left and she apologised for not knowing what to do as she'd never done it before. There, a bit of humility now and again isn't a bad thing is it?

 

I flew from Manchester to Heathrow with BMI and these thoughts careened through my head:

 

The plane was late arriving but we weren't given any information as to why and yet the departure gate was manned constantly from my arrival there, an hour and a half before scheduled take off … couldn't use a microphone and PA system to tell us what was happening? I had my connecting flight to catch and I get really nervous when things don't come together and I don't know why.

 

No one told me that airside at Terminal 3 at Manchester there are either no shops and cafes or if there are, they are nowhere near where I was (the airport leaflet suggests they are there but where?) I had left my sister's house after a cake fest of a buttered Chorley cake and a piece of deliciously moist carrot and walnut cake each. So by 5:30 – 6 pm I needed some sustenance as I knew I wouldn't be eating on the Dubai flight until around midnight. In the end I had to be satisfied with a Snickers bar and a coffee from a vending machine. Better than nothing but where are the communication channels at these airports?

 

The flight to London is a 40 minute flight and I couldn't believe it when people bought sandwiches and drinks.

 

I bought the cheapest possible ticket for the flight to London but for a further £2 each way, I could have chosen my seat. Why would I want to do that? Even though I'm desperate for an aisle seat on longer haul flights, I really don't see the need to worry about seating arrangements on a 40 minute flight. Save your two quid!

 

Similarly, they offer business class on that flight and if you'd bought a business class ticket you would have paid at least £100 more than me per flight. The seats were the same size in business as where I was and apart from using the lounge the only other benefit I saw was that the drink and sandwich was free, on that 40 minute flight. If I were in charge of travelling expenses at the companies that have paid for these business class tickets, I would review such a policy.

 

Trains Between Terminals

 

Why have they built the platform for the trains between Terminals 1 and 4 so far from the Terminals themselves? Terminal 4 is a particular challenge as it's at least a quarter of a mile walk at a guess. For me, that's fine as I love the cut and thrust of running through airports but what if you're old and doddery and in a hurry and you've no chance of getting anywhere on time if you're running late?

 

Language 

• On the BMI flight, they didn't ask if we wanted to buy a drink or a sandwich, they asked if we wanted to purchase them.
• On a notice just as I was about to get on the Dubai flight I saw that they were commencing to install a new fire alarm system at Terminal 4: if it were me I would have started installing it!
• It is odiously common now for cabin crew to say that, for example, we are about to land into an airport. Makes me cringe, that!

 

 

DW

Are they warped?

I thought you'd like to know that I am getting all sorts of requests to exchange links with various web sites as these people are trying to boost their google etc ratings.

 

I am getting around 2 - 3 requests a week now and recently have had requests for links from companies selling or dealing in the following products and services

 

Rubber products

Financial services

Commercial capital equipment

 

I am nowhere near being linkable to any of these things. Do they think I'm mad or desperate?

 

Am in Dubai again and have some observations to make, a little bit later. Worth waiting for!

 

DW

Moving house

Wish me bona fortuna today as I move house: leaving Abingdon and wife behind and moving to Halifax.

 

I think everyone should at least go through the motions of moving house: ours is a three bedroom semi and yet it contains a vast amount of detritus. We are throwing away a lot of rubbish. Things that have seen better days and things that I’m sure we never really needed. I spent all day yesterday cleaning and moving things around but by the end of the day I couldn’t see any progress except that the kitchen is now spotless.

 

I recommend a minimalist life style if you can’t go through the virtual house move that I recommend. Don’t buy anything using a credit card, use cash only and if you don’t have the cash for something, then it may well be something you don’t need. By using this technique you will be forcing yourself to think about your actions. Credit and debit card decisions are instantly gratified: of course, your local favourite charity shop will benefit in a year or two but that’s not the point!

 

When we moved into this house in Abingdon, we had some good furniture to get rid of and contacted a few second hand furniture dealers and was met with the same response from each of them: sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, ‘I’d be robbing myself if I paid you more than £tiny … there’s no demand for this sort of stuff at the moment. Come to my lock up and you’ll see it stacked high with stuff like this.’ So, I got £tiny for some good stuff.

 

I tried the same this time with some things that are not needed but that are good: single bed, large fridge/freezer and so on. This time I met with this, sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, ‘There’s no demand for this sort of stuff at the moment. Come to my lock up and you’ll see it stacked high with stuff like this.’ Then EITHER, ‘It’ll cost you £80 for me to take this away for you’ or ‘I can take it off your hands for you for nothing.’ So, desperate as I was because TESCO took my card advertising these things a couple of weeks ago and when I went to check the ad because I’d had NO calls I found they hadn’t put it on their board as they had promised they would. Another reason NOT TO USE TESCO. I got nothing for some good stuff.

 

DW

 

 

Plea to Microsoft

I have been engaged in a conversation with a Microsoft Word discussion list and we have been talking about bullets and numbered lists. Several people have been solving some fundamental and very difficult problems. At the end I sent in the following mini rant ... thought I'd share it with you.

 

>>Thanks a lot Suzy, Christine and Robert and I will work through everything you say carefully.

 

However, in the faint and remote hope that someone from somewhere in Microsoft will feel just the slightest twinge of guilt over this and then do something about it ...

 

I have bought MS products for decades now and what I want to do is to switch on Word, start typing, copying, pasting, saving, formatting, bulleting, listing ... WITHOUT the need for any of these conversations we keep having here. Why can't I rely on my bullet etc settings. Why can't my default or chosen settings be allowed to be the over riding setting that cannot be over ridden without my permission? Like that odious English UK v ANY OTHER LANGUAGE problem. I say as sternly as possible I WANT ENGLISH UK as my default DO NOT CHANGE. The second that I copy and paste anything that is not English UK I encounter a problem where Word can tell me like a gadfly that I've made a spelling mistake even when I haven't.

 

As a matter of interest has anyone corrected a word or phrase in PowerPoint (not sure about Word) to be told that even though it's correct in both UK and US English it's wrong? look closely and you might find that a word is part UK English and part US English. Took me a LONG time to realise that one!

 

Did I read somewhere that MS has spent $8 billion on its 2007 and Vista development? A lot of that has been wasted by the look of it and Gates himself was interviewed by the BBC recently when he said that his passion (eugh!) is software. Looks like it!

 

Duncan

In London with Dima yesterday shipping his goods and chattels around and we called in on Chinatown for a bite to eat. Had a good feed at an all you can eat buffet place which was not the spookily named Tai Ka Look restaurant. Read that more crefully ... is it a real Chinese name? Yes, they had translated the name into Chinese characters which I cannot reproduce here. Don't you think it really reads Take a look? I got a parking ticket as we loaded Dima's gear too. £120. I have appealed on two grounds:

• There really was no warning sign where I parked although there were signs elsewhere
• The attendant should have left me a leaflet saying that if Dima really is a resident (he is) then the fine will be reduced ... I found this out on the Islington web site
• There is a fair deal charter on that web site too in which they promise not to be unreasonable ... loads of spaces yesterday so I caused no harm to anyone and if I had I would have moved

DW

More rotten language

Mrs Brown, the film, is on in the background and I have just heard the following purported representations of language from Britain of the 19th century.

 

The Prince of Wales said that he wanted to speak WITH his mother, the Queen. As if he would have said any such thing.

 

John Brown himself said that he was looking OUT for the Queen when he would have said that he was looking after her.

 

DW

 

 

Top tip 2

Who'd have thought it: two major top tips in one day?

 

If you insist on walking into a car park on the road rather than on the pavement, make sure you don’t pass under the barrier as it comes back down after a car has just gone in to park.

 

DW

Top tip

Here's a priceless top tip that came to me this morning.

Do NOT drop a wooden shelf on your toe especially when you are wearing
neither shoes nor slippers.

DW

This is grandson Archie ... coming on isn't he? DW

Watch the news today because there is a meeting of African States in Zambia later today. The news is full of the doom, death and despondency that Mugabe is visiting on his country. The communiqué at the end of the summit will probably send Mugabe home happy: there will be no condemnation of any note ... it's a sad reflection on the world of the politician whose words are sounding increasingly hollow and dangerous.

DW

Hans Rosling

This is a simulcast.

 

I have just watched a fascinating video on the ft.com web site: FT Videos ... Specials ... 17th July 2007.

 

Everyone should watch it as it concerns preconceptions, students, teachers, international health, international development, statistics, presentation skills ... really, you need to watch it.

 

You can also find this video by searching for Hans Rosling, a Swedish Professor, in google and doubtless yahoo, ask and any other decent search engine.

 

DW

Burnley again

I went to bed last night thinking that Burnley had been dumped out of the Carling Cup competition. This morning I woke to find that the opposite is the case!

 

I checked the results last night after 10 pm and saw this:

 

Grimsby 1 v Burnley 0 (ET)

...

 

I noticed that it said ET and even though I knew it should have been AET, I missed the point: that report was telling me either that the match was still in progress or the page was not up to date.

 

Burnley equalised in extra time and then won the penalty shoot out.

 

Onwards and upwards lads!

 

DW

I have just been in a stationery shop in Abingdon to have a one page document photocopied: it cost 10 pence and the alternative would have been to drive home, copy it and file it then go back into town to deliver the original. As I was in the shop I suddenly remembered that I need an eraser for my propelling pencil. The assistant asked her boss if they had such erasers for my brand and she got a curt, "You'll have to bring the pencil in, they're all different." The assistant helpfully rummaged though a box and I said, as she proclaimed her own cluelessness, "I'll bring my pencil it but it's the same style as that one." The boss came back in and barked, "That's for a Shaeffer ... " Well, I'm sorry but I won't be going back there as there are alternative stationers. I know the assistant and I were just playing at looking for the erasers but I didn't appreciate his rudeness and aggression. DW

The English Premier league football season started at the weekend and how about this for confusion? On Friday I read a report that clubs had spent £200 million in buying players over the close season. On Saturday, just before the Sunderland (1) v Spurs (0) game, someone said the amount spent on players was £350 million. After the game that amount had become £400 million. Which is the correct amount? Who knows? Fascinatingly, Burnley's season started with a marvellous 2: 1 win over West Bromwich Albion on Saturday. Well done lads! DW

Style quiz

I am a full time protector of the English language as you know and I have just scored 10 out of 12 in an online quiz being hosted by The Economist newspaper: why not try it yourself? Here's the link: http://www.economist.com/diversions/quiz.cfm?quizname=stylequiz

 

DW

Paranoia

I took a walk into town today and as I set off, on foot, I spotted a young chap from the house almost opposite. I have not been introduced to the man so we don't know each other. It takes around 20 minutes to walk into town and after about 5 minutes he started looking over his shoulder at me and suddenly speeded up. I thought, this Eastern European looking chap thinks I'm the secret police so I'll play along and I speeded up too. He then put on a fair burst.

 

He rounded a corner and by the time I got there he had put around 30 metres between us. I kept up and crossed over to the other side of the street where I think he lost sight of me: lots of trees! He then slowed right down and I think he was shocked to see me out of the corner of his eye level with him. However, I carried on at the pace I'd got up to and arrived before him at the road crossing. As I started crossing the road I noticed that he had got to the railings around 10 metres from the crossing and was standing stock still, waiting for me to cross the road and make the decision: which of the three possible forward directions would I take?

 

Since I was really minding my own business I carried on and haven't seen him since.

 

Bit of a lark that! Wonder what he'll say when he gets back home?

 

DW

Is this what is meant by a clipped moustache?

DW

Maths for the, erm,dunderheaded?

In an advert in last week's Economist newspaper, there is an advert for some educational materials. The materials look interesting and if I were in the mood I would buy them. However, this is what caught my eye:

 

Please send me ... which consists of 24 half hour lectures ... They then add, '12 hours in all'.

 

Do you get the impression that Fermat's last theorem, Fibonacci numbers and the Pythagorean theorem and geometry of ellipses might be a bit beyond someone who needs to be told that 24 half hour lectures equates to 12 hours?

 

DW

Now all of these weak minded people who are hell bent on mashing our language are calling powdered baby milk FORMULA.

It makes me so frustrated to listen to these supposedly educated people on Radio 4 hurtling their way into speaking AmerEnglish. What they fail to realise is that the version of American they are importing is the language of the uneducated American. If they cared to listen to and read work by educated and professional Americans (not journalists, I should stress, since they are as bad as ours) they would see that they do understand prepositions, they do use adverbs and they don't use street slang in the way that our journalists are doing.

Last week one of these clowns even said that a politician should fess up ... for goodness' sake.

DW

Gatesed again?

A couple of years ago I went to the Isle of Lewis with son Andrew, Sister Susan and her husband Neville.

 

I took a fair number of photos and a lot of video footage. I spent a lot of time editing part of the video film and saved it all to my hard disk and then onto CD. I gave a copy of the CD to Susan and Andrew and kept one myself.

 

I needed that CD at the end of last week only to find that my computers said it was BLANK. Oh beggar! Of course, I blamed myself.

 

Then at Susan's house over the weekend, I borrowed her CD and dropped into the laptop ... hers was blank too. I then took it to her desktop and it worked ... not empty at all. I smartly dumped everything onto my memory stick and then back on to my laptop. I backed it up again as soon as I got home.

 

Gates? I wouldn't pay him in washers to be perfectly honest.

 

DW

Liquid lenses? I see!

This is so good it's a simulcast

 

The Economist reports this week on a French company that is updating an 18th century technology so that we really can leave the camera at home and rely on our camera phones to do all we need as far as taking snaps is concerned.

 

Rather than making solid (eg glass or Perspex) lenses, the French company called Varioptic is working on liquid lenses. The Economist article says:

 

... To make a solid zoom lens zoom, you have to move the individual elements relative to one another. In a liquid zoom lens, by contrast, you only have to change their shape. That means a liquid zoom can be much slimmer than a glass one.

 

Varioptic's zoom is not quite there yet. The prototype is 27mm (just over an inch) from front to back, which is a bit deep for a phone and it can manage a zoom magnification of only two and a half times, which is not even as good as the threefold magnification of current phone zooms. But this performance is likely to improve soon and once liquid lenses work as well as their solid counterparts their other advantages will become apparent.

 

The first of these is speed. A liquid lens can shift its magnification in milliseconds. Mechanical lenses are much slower. Liquid lenses are also cheaper. A liquid zoom should cost around $25, whereas the existing mechanical zooms cost $'00.

 

Liquid zooms are sturdier than their solid counterparts, a particularly important advantage for mobile phones ... Since a liquid lens has no mechanical moving parts there are, quite simply, fewer things to break in it. And despite their being liquid, the minute size of the droplets that compose the lenses means the surface tension between the two fluids is so strong that they stay unstirred, no matter how violently they are shaken ...

 

Marvellous!

 

DW

 

Scurvy

I was talking to Young Master W about his life at University and his financial management skills. He offered to do a deal that would have led to him, I said, ending up with scurvy. Well, many a true word! He told me about a friend of his from school who went to University and lived on margharita pizzas: nothing else and he had them delivered so there was very little effort involved. He ended up going to see a doctor who had to consult a book of symptoms and said, 'According to this book, you've got scurvy. In all my years of practice I've never seen a case of scurvy before.'!

 

An old friend of mine used to tell us a story of a friend of his, also at University, who spent all of hisgrant one term on a marvellous music system. This lad then lived on porridge ... until he got scurvy. At that time, it was thought to be the last known case of scurvy in England ... well, not now!!!

 

DW

 

 

Beetroot

Now hear this: if you make a salad from four beetroot (boiled then chopped
and mixed with two finely chopped cloves of garlic, a finely chopped apple
and mayonnaise together with a bit of seasoning) and then eat all of it
within a day, or even at one sitting, the toilet based retribution will be
significant.

Thought you'd like to know

DW

I have forgotten my password for my online O2 (mobile phone) account so they sent me to a page that asked me to enter my user name and mobile phone number. Then that sent me to a page that said:

Know your user name but forgotten your password?

It asked me a question to help them to help me, it asked: What is your password!!!!!

I'm stuck!

DW

Jeremy Clarkson

I just thought you'd like to know that far from being a Jeremy Clarkson fan,
I do the following whenever I get the opportunity. The same applies to
Jeffrey Archer.

When I see a Clarkson, or Archer, book for sale in a bookshop I find a way
of covering it up either by moving it to another shelf or display and
ensuring no one can see it or simply by turning the thing round so that name
and title are hidden.

Another reason for taking this action is that, in spite of their selling in
droves, I find Clarkson's drivel not in the least bit funny and definitely
not entertaining. Therefore, I believe I am saving weak minded people from
themselves.

As for Archer's tripe: he is not a pleasant person and I have never and will
never read any of his tripe and don't see why anyone else should either.

DW

My peregrinations

Flew back from Al Ain yesterday and was delighted to find on boarding the plane that the awfully nice check in girl at Dubai International Airport had moved me from an ordinary aisle seat to row 37 and one of those very generous leg room seats by the big emergency exit two thirds of the way along the plane. Praise Emirates yet again.

 

There were lots of Scouts (Boy Scouts when I were a lad!) on their way to the Jamboree being held in Chelmsford just now. They were from the Philippines and Kuwait and there were 30 or 40 of them altogether. When I got to Heathrow, however, I came across 60 - 70 more, all from the USA this time. Good to see! Be prepared!

 

Following the shock I got on entering the on board toilet near my seat, I thought I should really hurtle back out and shout at the rather large chap who had just left the loo to ask, 'Oi! What did you do in there?' That way, I pointed out to everyone that he did something very smelly and secondly for those following me, that I didn't do it!!!

 

I want to say that we are a disgrace as a nation. After the Glasgow fire bomb incident of just the other week, you may be aware that anyone dropping anyone else off at an airport in the UK must park their car in a short stay car park ... they aren't doing that and no one is stopping them stopping their vehicles as near to the terminal as possible, blocking roads and pavements so no one can get through until they've dropped off whoever it is they have unloaded. It's chaos, probably worse than ever before.

 

DW

To elect or not to elect

It's already becomining interminable.

 

Gordon Brown has been Prime Minister of the UK for around three or four weeks and already there have been many, far too many, articles on the television and radio asking whether Brown will call an election this year ... or not. Then they ramble on and on about why he should and why he won't. Then, as on today's BBC Radio 4 Today programme, they bring on "experts" who spend ages saying. 'Well, he might but then again, he might not.' So helpful. Not

 

We all need to emigrate because this will not stop until someone is able to say 'See, I knew I was right'!!

 

DW

Disgraced cyclists and high temperatures

The Shame of their Shame

 

Given my links with Kazakhstan I was really pleased to see that the winner of two stages of Le Tour de France was from Astana in Kazakhstan. I was gutted for the country to see him going home in disgrace following an illegal blood transfusion. When will these sportsmen learn:

 

Your compatriots feel the shame of your shame

You will get caught

 

High Temperatures

 

I see a lot on the news at the moment about blisteringly high temperatures in Central and Eastern Europe. I am currently in Al Ain, Abu Dhabi and as I came back from work at 2100 hours today, the temperature was 38 degrees C ... imagine the daytime temperature. Do you hear anyone going on about it here?

 

How to look after a Thumb Drive

 

Was it three years ago that I bought my first thumb drive? You know, those little USB things that can store massive amounts of data in something the size of something very small. I started its life by leaving it stuck into a computer. Handily, someone responsible found it and had it put away safely for me. Well, I used that drive until recently when I gave it away ... bought a new one last week with 2 Gb of space. Happily using it until last night when I left it in a computer lab that all and sundry might use. I realised early today when I'd done and called the man I'm working with there and he found it and put it somewhere safe for me.

 

What is it with me and those thumb drives do you think?

 

DW

A few observations

As one moves around, one often notices things with more acuity than otherwise. On Friday, I was travelling around again and mode notes of the following:

 

Is Britain the only developed country that has no idea how to clean and maintain toilets in public areas? They usually stink, to say the least.

 

It rained quite a bit yesterday and as I got to the roundabout that takes me on to the A404(M) coming from Henley, there was a road closed sign. Two thirds of the road around that roundabout was under relatively deep water. Confusion reigned and I thought, even though I've allowed four hours for this journey (one should be enough) I couldn't contemplate the thought of turning back. Cars were cutting across lanes, going the wrong way round the roundabout and one BMW 3 series had clearly tried to get across the roundabout but had flooded his engine. I sat still for a while until a Transit type van and a Land Rover navigated the waters and saw that at worst only three quarters of their wheels were covered ... I decided to follow their line and give it a try. I drove slowly along the line I had plotted and made it through without let or hindrance to the other side. That other BMW driver must be stupid: having thought about the structure of my engine, the only thing that could possibly have hurt would have been water getting into the cabin (didn’t happen) or up the exhaust pipe. I think he went so quickly that he just swamped the entire car.

 

The road was then clear until the next major roundabout at Junction 4 of the M4. Getting off the M4 there to go to Terminals 1, 2 and 3 immediately led to very slow moving traffic. It took 45 minutes to crawl about a mile and in the end, having parked the car and got the bus to terminal 3, I could see no reason for the movement to be so slow as things were OK at the airport, the tunnel leading up to terminal one wasn't flooded ... I think I was lucky in the end that my one hour or so journey only took the two hours it did.

 

I sat near some foreigners on the shuttle bus and they simply couldn't understand our systems ... how can the buses, trains and the underground grind to a halt in the way they had. What about using big pump to drain the water? I have to say that it just takes a few snowflakes, leaves and drops of water and we are absolutely ruined aren't we?

 

Then again, I watched the news in the departures lounge and would like to record how astonishing it is that as soon as there is any surface water, someone has launched a dinghy or a rowing boat ... where do they come from? Is there a rowing boat fairy or something who dishes them out at the appropriate time?

 

Finally, was amused to see that in first class, they have monstrously big televisions to watch but they are encased in wood effect surrounds! An ultra modern Boeing 777-300 with wood effect televisions! It looks odd to me anyway!

 

DW

Error on the telly

I was watching Waking the Dead on BBC 1 last night which was partly set in Heathrow Airport as part of the story line. Two characters were wandering around airside when in the background there was a RyanAir aeroplane ... nope, can't happen as they don’t fly to or from Heathrow!

 

Tut, tut!

 

DW

Strawberries

Oh, meant to add some good news.

 

I planted some strawberry plants last year and this year they are a bit bigger and stronger but not fully established yet. However, I picked one yesterday before the birds and slugs got at it and it was absolutely magnificent. If you can, plant your own and forget the supermarket rubbish. Even if you only have strawberries a few times during the summer, it will be worth it if they are your own.

 

Mine are organic too as there are no artificial anything being sprayed or spread anywhere near them!

 

DW

Our weather

Today it's 15th July ... the middle of SUMMER in the UK. I am looking out of my dining room window to see cloud, greyness and gloom.

 

DW

Nice work if you can get it

I heard on the radio last week that Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, is currently on sabbatical leave. I thought, hmm, nice work if you can get it ... never having had so much as a sabbatical week. So I checked and found that Williams has only been in the job since 27th February 2003.

 

I don't remember any other Archbishop going on sabbatical leave either ... please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

DW

Move Office 2007? Don't Bother and A Visit to my GP

Move Office 2007? Don't Bother

 

When I installed Office 2007 I did so on an external drive DELIBERATELY. I did that partly to save internal hard drive space and partly because I need to keep Office 2003 going.

 

The other day I decided I would move Office 2007 to the internal hard drive and set System Mechanic off on the job.

 

I started it and when it got to just 40% completed when I had to go out, I paused it. Got back in and set it off again whereat it whizzed along to 60% complete fairly quickly. Then it stuck at 60% for a long time and I let it run over night ... got up on Friday morning to find it had made some progress but was still only 60% complete.

 

Let me cut a long story short and tell you that after 48 hours the thing stalled at 60% complete. I stopped it and am now no further forward. I had to stop doing various things because System Mechanic was "moving" things around so I lost some productivity. No surprise though in this modern day and age where one buys software that promises so much and then delivers so little.

 

I will now do what I was going to do before I got System Mechanic in on the job: uninstall and then reinstall Office 2007. The only thing that's worrying me really is anything to do with Outlook since I do rely on it for a lot of my communications.

 

What a waste of time. Reminds of the last time I went to see my GP.

 

Visiting the GP

 

I was ill last week as you know and I talked to my GP by phone and after he'd promised to write out a prescription for me, which he did, he said I should go and see him on Friday afternoon, 48 hours hence.

 

Friday afternoon came and I got to the surgery: it was still a bit of a struggle for me and I was drained when I got home. Anyway, as I was in the waiting room I was summoned to the receptionists' desk and they thrust a form at me that asked me to agree to being filmed during my consultation as the good Doctor was filming all of his consultations this afternoon. I agreed, ever keen to become a star in any way that I can.

 

I got into the consulting room and it was a bit tidier than normal, well I didn't notice any books and files all over the floor anyway. The Dr even had a clean shirt and tie on!

 

He let me start and I told him this and that and that I was sleeping but not resting and then described a dream I kept having during my illness. Well, he latched on to that and we spent quite a while as he tried to analyse my dream.

 

Now, given that I'd had a fever and had a serious ear infection, I just want to tell you that at no stage did he take my temperature and neither did he look into my infected ear to check on the efficacy of the antibiotics he had given me ... which is why I thought I'd gone there in the first place.

 

Given the way that I manage my life and business affairs, I left the place with the feeling of being glad that I'm moving to another part of the country soon. I know people who would have ranted and raved and insisted on an examination. Not only am I moving house and region but I knew that I was seeing the ENT specialist in Oxford within a week and I was confident that the tablets were working. I'd also bought myself a good thermometer too so I knew that my temperature was now well within normal limits.

 

I despair and am jealous of anyone whose GP is even just a bit better than the one I am describing here.

 

DW

 

Erudition unbounded

I have been watching a little bit of Wimbledon tennis for the first time in many years and two things stand out:

 

Those shouty players: either I turn the sound right down but even then that's sometimes not enough and I elect to watch someone else;

How erudite the average tennis supporter and player is. As an entreaty to their favourite player to overcome all odds, a supporter will shout something like, 'Come on, Tim.' Or 'Come on, Roger.' Or 'Come on, Marina.' Did you spot anything there? Yes, shouting 'Come on ...' seems to be enough.

 

Then when a player has just scored a point or lost one, they will often shout at themselves, or even heaven, 'Come on!'

 

Why didn't I think of that all of those years ago? I could be a retired, wealthy tennis star now. Another missed opportunity!

 

DW

Mouse ...

Yesterday morning I went out of the house to take something to the garage and got a shock as there was a mouse living under my outdoor shoes. Rather than running away, it snuggled further into the corner. I did what I had to do, giving the little rodent the chance to escape. For some reason, it decided to stay put. I went back to the garage and got my £2 umbrella, my persuader.

 

I shooed the thing away and it moved. Then it wanted to go back to that corner. I continued shooing. It was slow and ponderous, making me think it was old and/or ill. Anyway, I got it round a couple of corners but still it seemed to want to go back where it was. I was then a bit rough and it lay still. Not convinced that I'd killed it, I thought the best thing to do now was to despatch it, so I caught it a right fourpenny one. I did a bit more of my business and as I went back to look at it I saw that one of its feet was twitching. I realised that it may have been its death throes but I didn't want to take the chance of it coming round ... so this time I felt fourpence wasn't enough so I took my shoe off and put paid to the thing.

 

It didn't move again.

 

I didn't set out to kill the thing but once it seemed to have become injured I dealt with it quickly. I really hoped that one of the cats in the neighbourhood would have taken care of the thing but I think the cat next door is on holiday and I didn't see the cat from next door but one at all yesterday!

 

Oh well, now you know! Off to eat some cheese now!!!

 

DW

At last ...

I'm still not fully recovered from my recent illness but here is what I have just been suffering from.

 

I have talked over the last year or so about my ear infections. Ever since I was five I have had hearing problems and they have resurfaced over the last year or so and become a little bit more persistent. Consequently I am seeing a specialist in Oxford and will be seeing him within a week. In the meantime I caught yet another infection a few weeks ago and for one reason or another didn't get it seen to. So I went on my latest trip knowing that I had an ear infection and also knowing that within a week or so of my return from that trip I will be seeing the doctor.

 

To cut a long story short, I began to feel a little bit off a week last Thursday and began to feel worse and worse day by day. Given the sort of person I am, I fight these things and refuse to be beaten by them. However, I decided I needed to see a doctor and did so in Oman last Sunday afternoon. That doctor gave me some antibiotics and a few other odds and ends and sent me on my way. I didn't expect a miracle of course and the following day I felt no better. I did my work as best I could but could only potter round and sleep when I wasn't working. I left to come back home in the evening and when I got to Dubai International airport I decided to go to the medical centre there.

 

I went to the medical centre then and was seen by a number of people: paramedics, nurses and a doctor. They treated me extremely well; but the first thing that surprised me with is that I was running a very high temperature, 38.3°. The doctor in Oman hadn't taken my temperature and I have to confess I didn't feel hot. So the ear infection had gone out of control and was causing me problems manifesting themselves as a fever. Now they knew the problem they set about solving it. They gave me an injection which proved to be not powerful enough. They then gave me an intravenous injection which made me sweat copiously in fact in such quantities that even the nurses were worried! Not so the Dr of course since that was the effect he wanted! After two hours or so they got my temperature down 2° and had begun to give me additional oxygen. The doctor was pleased with progress and said I could leave whenever I felt like it and although I took the offer of a wheelchair ride back to the plane I did feel a lot better and rather than moping around like a very old man I did feel quite a bit more alert and quite a bit more lively.

 

I slept quite well on the plane and was even able to drive home with no incidents. So I got home within a couple hours of landing and then the rot set in.

 

The weather on arrival was very poor: cloudy and cold. This meant that by late morning I had started to shiver and to feel ill again. I talked to my GP by phone and he prepared a prescription for me for some further antibiotics. The following day I didn't feel a great deal better: this just goes to show the power of a fever; and it was only by Friday  that I began to feel more of a permanent recovery was on the way and went outside to the first time since I had got back. However, I was drained by the time I got back in.

 

It is Sunday now and I am feeling a lot better but still my guess of Wednesday being the final day of feeling so poorly is probably still an accurate one.

 

I bought a thermometer on Wednesday and I have been using it two or three times every day ever since. Then something very interesting with this: even though I might feel hot and sweaty, my temperature was normal; similarly, when I feel cold again my temperature may be normal.

 

That little bit of the history of me of the last week or so with a major lesson learned: don't let any ear infection go too far. So simple!

 

DW

Definition of reshuffle

On the news for the last two days we have been hearing that Gordon Brown, the new Prime Minister of the UK, has been reshuffling his cabinet. Here is the definition of reshuffle from the Concise Oxford English Dictionary:

 

reshuffle

n     verb

1     interchange the positions of (members of a team, especially government ministers).

2     rearrange.

n     noun an act of reshuffling.

 

Now, since this is Brown's FIRST ever cabinet arrangement, please explain to me how it can possibly comprise a reshuffle. I think it ranks as an arrangement or, much more sensibly, Mr Brown's first cabinet team!

 

DW

Still not well

I promised some deep and detailed feedback on my latest trip but I am only now coming round to anything like normal. Tomorrow I should post something on my illness at least.

 

DW

What a performance

Just got back from a very eventful trip to Dubai and Oman. Dubai was exceptionally hot and by the time I left there I am afraid I had no strength in my three says in Muscat to do any touring. I was also working there too and didn't have the time either.

 

More later when I will reveal some of the fun and frolics.

 

DW

Top 50 Blogs

Simulcast: you NEED to look at the list of the top 50 Blogs ... according to the Times OnlIne:

 

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/media/article1923706.ece

 

DW

How about this little family: a pair of swans and their SIX cygnets: seen yesterday in the centre of Abingdon, on the Thames.

Aw!

DW

When I was a lad ...

James Naughtie said a short time ago on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4:

 

We'll be talking to the commander of a ship that was sunk (in the Falklands War of 1982) who later became First Sea Lord.

 

This little ditty immediately sprang to my mind: 'When I was a lad ...'

 

Now where does that come from?

 

DW

Luton Airport

I just received an entreaty to swap links with another web site: you know one of those sites that reflects much of the content of my own site. So, would I please accept and share a link with LUTON AIRPORT.

 

OK, so I travel a lot but to link my site with an airport seems a bit extreme.

 

Let me say, though, that I HAVE flown into Luton Airport and I met two ladies arriving from Poland a while ago. Maybe that's the connection then?

 

DW

Xmas is over ...

Just driving back from dropping off Master W and realised that I've still
got my Christmas CDs in the car's stereo ... must take them out soon!

DW

Storage

Have you read the Economist this week? No? There's an article entitled 'Taking storage to the next dimension'.

Are you old enough to remember using those 5.25 inch floppy disks, let alone 3.4" floppies? No? Well, CDs were huge when they came in weren't they? NO, then you remember DVDs really.

Well, BluRay has come along with its 25Gb storage capacity. Then the other day I mentioned the terabyte drive I saw in a shop the other day.

Well, that article tells us that some Fortune 1000 companies are storing as much as 680 terabytes of data and information EVERY YEAR. So that's a lot then ... just work out what it means if you can!

Now there is going to be holographic storage: 300 gigabytes on a disk which is 12 times what we can get on a BluRay disk and 60 times more than a DVD. Not big enough for you? Well, the article says that within a few years, those 300 Gb will become 1,600Gb or 1.6Tb.

Holographic disks don't spin, either, their rotate ever so slowly ... read the article to see why! They're not slow to write either, as they will transfer data at the rate of one million bits at a time. That translates to 160 megabits a second.

These are corporate dreams at the moment and since large corporations pay a lot to store their data on magnetic tapes that take up lots of room and so on, please bear in mind that a holographic drive will cost $18,000 and each 300Gb disk will cost $180.

Thought you'd like to know that!

DW

Good for business

It had to happen, I suppose.

 

The accountancy profession has finally decided to get on board the Royalty Express. From the Accounting Education web site comes the following:

 

HRH the Prince of Wales has accepted an invitation to become the first honorary member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England & Wales (ICAEW).

The Prince of Wales was nominated in recognition of his commitment to the sustainability agenda and, in particular, his involvement of the accountancy profession through the Accounting for Sustainability project. The honour is also in recognition of the assistance that the Prince of Wales has given to young people and to business generally by the promotion of business start-ups, personal development and community projects through the Prince's Trust and other initiatives.

In making the announcement at the Institute's Annual Lunch, ICAEW President Richard Dyson said: "At our annual dinner in 2005, the Prince of Wales challenged the accountancy profession to play its part in the sustainability agenda. He recognised that we could have a great deal to offer and I believe the ICAEW has risen to that challenge through its work on sustainability and measurement. I'm delighted that he has accepted honorary membership. It is our way of thanking him not just for the leadership he has given on this issue but also for the contribution he has made to business over many years."

The category of honorary membership of the ICAEW was approved in June 2006 at the institute's annual general meeting to recognise those who have made an outstanding contribution to the accountancy profession and/or the finance and business world. Any member can suggest individuals for the accolade. All suggestions received are considered by the institute's nominations committee before a formal proposal is made to Council who make the final decision.

 

It's taken the Institue something like 100 years to think of a way to get a Royal involved so that they can cringe and fawn all over it.

 

 

Duncan Williamson

Viruses etc

Got back and needed to use the desktop for a printing job to find that two bits of software had crashed. No one knew or understood what had happened of course. Nothing like that had happened before.

 

Why was the anti virus software not working? 'Is it?', came the rejoinder.

 

I rebooted and watched what happened and decided I needed to investigate the anti viral thing further as it was still switched off. I updated the anti virus software and it needed almost 30 mega bytes of updating. That's astonishing. I then ran a virus check and it got to 8,142 problems by midnight. I have never seen so many errors and potential virus incidents on one machine after around 30 years of messing around with computers.

 

Of course, you can tell me your own personal nightmare and I'd be happy to share it with the world! Just click on the comment button here!

 

DW

Pret a Manger

How about this for a bit of stupendous selling? Buy an oat and fruit slice at Pret a Manger at the moment and you will find the following on the label:

 

Only Pret's Oat and Fruit Slice is stirred by hand with a four foot long oar. Strange as this may seem, we've found that mechanical mixers turn the ingredients into a horrid pulp. Hand mixing the ingredients adds a lot of work but greatly improves the flavour. It is partly for this reason that the texture and taste of the product is so good.

 

The slice was quite good, I have to admit!

 

DW

the Queen... the film

You might remember a while ago I said that if the Queen Mother, God rest her, had been nominated for BBC Sports Personality of The Year she would have won it. Having watched the film The Queen just now I am convinced I'm right: it was the most utter drivel and yet didn’t Helen Mirren win an Oscar for it?

If I were to make that film I wouldn't have called it the Queen I would have called it something like, Surrounding the Death of Diana: The Woman Who Will Not Die. Harsh possibly but then again more nearer to reality than simply the Queen.

The essence of this film is that Tony Blair is newly elected as prime minister and then Diana dies in a car crash in Paris. Most of the action in the film surrounds that event. Prince Philip is made to be a boor and a clot. Charles wears an expression of astonishment for the whole film. The Queen Mother, God rest her, manages to swill a bit of gin at one stage. We never see the boys. Cherie Blair is an arch republican.

Tony Blair is treated badly by the Queen: she treats him with disdain. I have no idea whether that is really their relationship but that is how it appears anyway.

One crucial point is that the entire Royal family and the entire government spend their entire time watching the television and reading the tabloid press. Bet you didn't know that!

The Queen is portrayed as a very independent woman: drives everywhere by herself, launches off at a minute’s notice and is most definitely in charge of the entire family. I would guess that Philip has more influence within the family than this film gave him credit for.

I think the dialogue was rubbish, I think the overall idea of the film was rubbish and I think some of the characterisations were rubbish. Charles for example, Tony Blair for example and even the Queen for example.

So this is the business plan: just put royalty in it and you are on a winner.

DW

Is It Just Me?

In my office, here at home. there are two the filing cabinets.  In those cabinets you will find all of the utility bills for the house since we moved in in 2001. Yesterday, I needed to send originals of my utility bills to a solicitor... guess what.  Only the ones that I need are not to be found.

Explain that if you can!

DW

So the other day I sang the praises of Dragon NaturallySpeaking Preferred voice recognition software saying that it was the best thing since sliced bread ... then yesterday I had a catastrophe with it. I took the laptop upstairs to print out a few files (thank you Bill Gates: network printer cannot work any more and I blame the you personally!) And when I came back the software worked really badly, really slowly. Since I was in the middle of a panic to meet a deadline I became rather stressed. Luckily I was alone and no one was here to hear my expletives. I spent an hour and a half trying to find a way to make the software work again. I thought I'd found that the sound card driver had imploded so I uninstalled it; but when I came to reinstall it ... it has gone! So I went to the website to get a replacement driver: downloaded it, installed it... it seemed to work. Then it stopped working again. So I missed a deadline (fortunately not serious and have since met it) and had to go out to meet the fair Maria! After that teaching/learning session I got back home and tried the software. Again. I was desperate, thinking that I might need to return the software, throw something through a window all ... so I slept on it. This morning I started again and took a more rational view of things and by doing so I found the solution. It helps to plug in the headphones the right way round. I should say no more, otherwise it would be embarrassing for me. Dragon NaturallySpeaking Preferred is excellent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. DW

Speech recognition software

I thought you needed to know about some software called Dragon naturally speaking preferred version 9. At last week's seminars one of my fellow presenters recommended that I try speech recognition software. I did. I went to Amazon.com and found this Dragon naturally speaking preferred version 9, as recommended, for about one third of the price that I found on Dragon's own web site and I am happy.

I am dictating this message using the software and I have to say it is fantastic. Of course, it needs to be tweaked as it needs to learn my accent and style of delivery but I think it's success rate at recognition is probably in the high 90%s. I have used similar software before but it's nowhere near as good as this. I can even speak fairly quickly, ie almost at normal speaking rate and it still catches up with me: there I just did that.

One reason why I bought this software is because of the repetitive strain injury I suffer from. It's not nice and now I can talk and I don't need to type. Let's see how quickly my fingers recover. Suppose the only thing to worry about is to be sitting in an airport or it coffee shop somewhere and apparently talking to myself.

DW

My ear and the quack

A couple of weeks ago, I got another ear infection, so I went to see my doctor, who took a look with his little implement only to confirm that yes I did have an ear infection and after a little chat he prescribed some drops for me.  So I dutifully went to the chemist's and bought the drops. I then administered them once.  Now, from time to time, I read the leaflets inside the medicine packet and that is exactly what I did on this occasion.  To my horror, I read that, in capital letters, anyone with a perforated ear drum should not administer the drops.  I called the surgery and talked to the practice manager.  I asked her to ask the doctor what I should do.  She talked to him and he called me.  I briefly outlined what he had done and he said, I didn't see a perforation.  I said I've had a perforated ear drum, since I was five years of age.  I am fairly sure that he hadn't read the letters he has received from the specialist at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, which explained my problem in medical terms, because he never mentioned them.  And if he had he would realised that my ear condition is rather serious.  Otherwise, I wouldn't be seeing the specialist.

Anyway, I asked him what I should do and he said I should call into the surgery that evening and collect another prescription.  I did that.  I was shocked though, that he didn't suggest that I called into his surgery for him to take another look at my ear for him to understand the mistake he made.  I find that shocking. It is also a shocking that I had to pay for two prescriptions, a total of more than £13 when I should only have paid for one.

DW