China 1

This place is magnificent in the scale of the way it does things and there is an energy here that isn’t obvious everywhere else I go.

 

The Beijing Paralympic Games is being hosted on a grand scale, the event locations are grand and superb: talk about photogenic. I have been over to the water cube (cube? Whoever named it the cube must have been away sick when they were supposed to be learning about shapes in maths at school. It’s a cuboid) twice. The aquatic centre, to give its proper name, is right next door to the bird’s nest stadium and together they make up a magnificent spectacle at night. Thousands of people throng there too to enjoy the sights and the music driven water fountains.

 

I have been to watch some swimming events then and they are brilliant. Can you imagine winning a man with no arms winning the backstroke event? It happened. Can you imagine someone who is wheelchair bound winning the 100 metres freestyle event? It happened. These athletes are serious people. Life has cut them a dashing blow from birth or as the result of an accident but that didn’t leave them rotting in bed and wondering what to do. They have taken life at the full and they are doing something positive.

 

I watched the men’s Boccia final last night: a game akin to crown green and flat green bowling. The two Portuguese gentlemen in the final were wheelchair bound and clearly severely disabled. There they were though, playing this game to a high standard and giving it there all. I have said it before and I will say it again: those lousy young people in the UK and the rest of the world who mope around with “nothing to do” need to watch these athletes and think again.

 

On a thread on the Have your Say section of the BBC website there was a woman who said it is sick that the Paralympics is being held at all. I know who is the more sick don’t you? I couldn’t respond to that woman at the time but there were lots of people who put her properly and firmly in her place.

 

DW

China 2

Igot a taxi to the Forbidden City yesterday as I was worn out from all of my exertions and my right knee is giving me jip. As I walked to the entrance I was enticed by at least three men on bikes to buy a Lolex: cycle by Lolex watch salesmen they were.

 

On my Facebook page you will see a photo I took of a sign of a notice on the back window of a car that said “Baby in Road” ... I kid you not!

 

When you hear an older local speaking on their mobile phone before you see them you will immediately think:

 

There is a huge argument going on; or

This man has a grudge against the State and he is trying to get the world to listen

 

So Loud!

 

On arrival at the entrance to the Forbidden City they were drilling their guards. The guards in green uniforms were being drilled in turning left, moving forward one step ... all very balletic I have to say.

 

I heard and then saw my first Russian people today: three lots in the end.

 

By the end of my tour around the Forbidden City I was absolutely worn out: my knee isn’t painful but it is draining my energy. I was hiding from the rain and studying my map when a local who spoke English asked me where I was going. I told him Chongwenmen and he said he’d get a rickshaw for me ... cut a long story short, we set off with him manually pedalling me in his rickshaw. He then stopped someone in a motorised rickshaw. I paid the first man who then paid the second man. Deal done I thought and off we went. Very flexible mode of transport and we got to my hotel pretty quickly. When we stopped this driver asked for more money. Well, no language in common so I told him to follow me to the hotel where I asked one of the Hotel lads to help. Cut a long story short, he wanted the full fare from me. In the end, what this meant was that I paid the full fare. The fixer took one third for fixing the deal. The driver wanted 100%. I paid twice!! Now, it wasn’t much and all the driver wanted was the one third that the fixer took BUT I won’t use anything other than a formal taxi or the underground again. I paid a lot more for the rickshaw than I did for the taxi so that’s rubbish for a start.

 

DW

 

Beijing

I made it! It’s a long way from Khartoum to Beijing when you have to go via Doha, Dubai, Amsterdam, Manchester, Halifax, Manchester and Dubai. But it’s worth it.

 

I arrived at around 3:30 pm and after a false start when I couldn’t find the travel agent’s representative and then went to the wrong hotel I got to the proper hotel at around 5pm. Unpacked and then went straight to the Aquatic Centre to see Fran. Well, I SAW Fran but only across the pool. We’ll meet today.

 

Fabulous swimming centre and it’s right next door to the bird’s nest stadium which is just brilliant at night all lit up in red, orange and gold.

 

I travelled the length of Beijing to get from my hotel to the Olympic Green station and had to change lines twice in both directions but I only got lost right at the end when I left Chongwenmen station by the wrong door. I walked around a bit and then found a very helpful group of people willing to help me and one of them spoke English very well. She had no idea where I should go but found a man who did!

 

Off now to Tian’anman square and all that surrounds it before heading back to the aquatic centre this evening.

 

I have taken some snaps with my phone’s camera so far but will take my proper camera with me today.

 

Zai jian until later

 

DW

On the way toBeijing

I am flying Emirates to Beijing and am half way there: currently sitting at Starbucks in Dubai International Airport waiting for my connecting flight. Here are a few observations for you.

 

The first thing I did with Emirates’ fantastic entertainment system was to listen to Drip, drip, drip little April showers ... from the Disney cartoon Bambi. Can’t beat it.

 

I then watched a film about two schoolboys’ daft antics. English film with English actors set in England, in the main. One excellent moment, though, involved the really cool French exchange boy. This boy wanted to light his cigarette but didn’t have any matches or a lighter. He got several boys to line up and hold hands, with him as the last one. The first in the string of lads then touched the live wire in the street lamp they had opened up. Touch the wire, boys all jiggle a bit and French fag bursts into flames. Fantastic!

 

Two oldish Lancashire Lassies sitting across tbe aisle from me, this happened:

 

Stewardess (Korean I think with a pretty good English accent) said, as the plane was landing: Sorry, guys, can we just have your seats forward please?

Lancashire Lassie 1: (In true Lancashire Music Hall gormless style) Yer wot?

 

I cringed.

 

The pilot told us that as the weather in Dubai was warm and humid we should be careful as we went down the steps of the aircraft as they might be slippy.  I followed the two Lancashire Lassies out of the plane. Lassie 1 was OK but Lassie 2 immediately started walking very slowly and gingerly and held out her arm and hand getting ready to grasp the hand rail for dear life a full five metres before she got to it. They were then the slowest two down the steps by far.

 

As I drank my coffee I looked from time to time at the departures screen. As planes took off they were removed and new ones added ... as usual. As we got nearer and nearer to my plane being listed I started to watch more frequently as I didn’t know the gate. This is true: when it got to my plane being next to being listed, they didn’t update anything for around 10 minutes. So I got sick of looking and opened up this laptop and started typing this. As the computer was booting I took a look at the screen and lo and behold, in true watched pot never boils style, they updated the listing as soon as my back was turned.

 

DW

Queues again

How can you tell my phone's working again?

Queues: you can't beat them. Well I can't anyway.

Khartoum: boarding the plane in a normal and orderly manner when the family immediately in front of me caused a five minute hold up. I then sailed through. The security guard who then inspected our passports looked rather bored until he riffled through mine and beamed at all of my UAE, Kuwait, Oman etc stamps.

Doha: same situation. I joined the queue in a sexist manner, immediately after an attractive young lady. Our queue took a flyer and was easily beating the other queue at our gate. Until, you've guessed it, it came to someone just in front of me. Then it would have been better if I'd joined the other queue.

Dubai: I backtracked for some reason just before security and then got behind the most dithering man I've seen in a long time. Then a minute before I finished the transit desk between 50 and 70 Chinese men in identical grey boiler suits turned up go through security. How did THAT happen to me? We'll, in that case I pushed in and promoted myself significantly. I got away with it too.

Hey ho!

DW
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Phones ... Hardly

I am in Dubai Airport duty free and have just noticed the Vertu range of mobile phones. They're labelled exclusive. They're tagged as phones for the discriminating chap.

There's phones with gold. There's phones made from titanium, in an 800 ton press of course.

You can pay 112,000 Dirhams or so for the gold phone and as little as 24,000 Dirhams for the titanium version. A snip in my opinion.

Just in case you haven't traded in Dirhams for a while, a rough guide is to divide them by 7 and you will get Pounds Sterling. So, that's about £16,000 for the gold phone and just £3,428 for the more ordinary titanium phone.

There are cheaper phones than the titanium phone but one wouldn't would one.

The most interesting aspect of the sales pitch is the complete lack of reference to its functionality as a phone. They have incorporated the letter V into the shape of the screen so that's a bit of a downer for a start. Rather vulgar to think about this end of things though isn't it?

And here's me jipping at the thought of paying £200 or so for a BlackBerry. Pshaw!

DW
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More on the UN

I found out today what the multi million Pound car park at the hote was all about. The hotel was home to, get ready for this, a UN SENIOR MANAGEMENT RETREAT. Poor wee lambs: can you imagine the stress they must be under?

These people can't even respect the country they have retreated into. This country is really called THE Sudan. On the presentation slide that I managed to take a look at these clowns had called it just Sudan. You know, some people are deeply offended by such ineptitude.

DW
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Feel part of the Community

I went back to the Afra Mall today to change some money. I went into the exchange place and started doing the deal. I was given a scrap of paper and a pen that almost worked. I needed to divulge my name, address in Khartoum and telephone number.

Almost as soon as I started my deal I was joined by someone who felt the need to stand right next to me. Another man decided he would do the same. Now, I didn't feel threatened, just hemmed in. As I stood there I thought about that woman in Oxford one day who was offended when I got to within 6 feet of her in a similar situation!!!

Then other people moved in and I was truly part of a crowd. Once I'd finished I turned round and found 15 - 20 people around me.

The concept of personal space did not transfer to this part of the Colonies. Maybe that's why they gave General Gordon such a hard time. :-)

DW
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Oil Prices Again

This is a Simulcast

 

They are at it again: those people trying to convince us that the financial markets are working efficiently and fairly and have nothing to do with speculation.

 

So there was a financial “expert” blethering away on BBC World yesterday: he was EXPLAINING why the Dollar has surged and why the Pound is falling in value. He didn’t mention speculation in this context and yet we all know that 95% of all deals in foreign currency are to do with speculation.

 

Then this Expert said that because of the “... collapse of the oil price ...”. I must repeat a post I made a couple of weeks ago when I talked about the language of the oil price. Why do they say the price has collapsed? By using the word collapsed they are suggesting that the high prices reached up until about two months ago were normal or expected or acceptable. When the oil price was surging from $90 a barrel to almost $150 a barrel, they said the price was unsustainable ... because of speculation ... because of the disequilibrium of supply and demand. All nonsense of course: it was all because of ill informed speculation.

 

I proved with the example of the cutting of production by the UAE for annual maintenance having no effect on prices that supply and demand had nothing to do with the oil price.

 

So this expert did his best and he mentioned a number of possible factors: interest rates in Australia, the need for changing interest rates in the UK, collapsing oil prices, the threat of recession in the UK. All laudable words and much of it pure drivel. I keep meaning to make notes of the names of these experts so that I can name and shame but I think I am always just overawed at their bare faced effrontery. One thing you should notice is that the BBC doesn’t use the same non BBC expert very often. Wonder why?

 

DW

The US Presidential Election and Sarkozy

US Presidential Election

 

I woke up far too early today and switched on the news. BBC World of course, so that meant hearing NOTHING at all about the World but learning something about America. The vast majority of BBC World’s supposed international coverage is really only American coverage and that gets on my nerves. Nothing wrong with America but if I wanted to learn all about it I would watch CNN.

 

So, they were showing Rudi Giuliani speaking at the Republican Convention: sorry Rudi but you were rubbish. At one point, despite listening carefully, I thought you were attacking McCain rather than praising him. After about three or four minutes it became clear that you were talking about Obama and not McCain. Maybe I dozed off a bit after all!!

 

Anyway, that speech was just emotional nonsense: it got the crowd going, of course, so cheap and cheerful works.

 

Then Sarah Palin came on and I thought I’ll take a listen. I gave her 30 seconds! I am sure I am not the first to say it but it was more Michael Palin than Sarah Palin. I am sorry, by the way, that the US press has homed in on Palin’s private life and her daughter’s private life ... typical, normal gutter press that we in the UK also thrive on.

 

I couldn’t watch the woman though!

 

Sarkozy

 

Speaking of dead ends, have you seen how Nicolas Sarkozy is hopping from country to country these days? It’s classic political style. Fail at home so start travelling and work on your foreign policy. How cheap can these people be? Why not stick it out and face your public? Look at Prime Minister Samak in Thailand. At least Mr Samak is staying put and not trying to do something like solving the so called Tibet crisis instead of trying to resolve his domestic political problems.

 

These people!

 

DW

Keggy

This is a DW special for Kevin Keegan.

I admired Keggy as a player for his spirit and attitude. He was over sold as a player as any discriminating observer of the game of footy knows. Even Keegan himself admits he was never anywhere near as good as the hype would have us believe.

When Keggy was appointed as manager of Newcastle United for the second time following the sacking of Sam Allardyce I said that sacking Sam was a big mistake but not as big as the mistake of appointing Keegan.

Who could have foreseen the nonsense that was then to unfold at NUFC? It beggars belief and if Keggy does resign, who could possibly blame him?

DW

Khartoum Update: weather, Ovaltine and Cocoa, the UN and Kofi Annan, Margaret Thatcher

It was very sunny and hot when I got here on Friday but now it is overcast and very warm. Reminds me of many days in Malawi all of those years ago! It’s not a problem, just a report!

 

Here is some news for you. I have just been to the shopping mall next to the hotel and can probably EXCLUSIVELY reveal, ie no one else has ever told you this, that they sell Ovaltine and Cadbury’s Cocoa there. Now, that is news isn’t it? I have run out of Marmite but didn’t see any of that, I am sad to report.

 

I am still seething, too, over the UN vehicles. I took some photos of just a few of them this morning: all 4x4s and all pretty clean looking. Well, this afternoon there were more than 30 of those big beasties in the car park. All clean too. Why do they need so many very expensive 4x4s to drive around town? I know someone will write to me and say they are helping in Darfur and in the South of the country ... well, I think they are working more against the country than for it. Moreover, for any doubting Thomases, why are there so many people in so many huge and expensive vehicles here at a five star hotel? Where is the cost conscientiousness? What about the opportunity costs of sitting here at what is probably a huge expense when there are people here who are dying of starvation; people who need these clowns to sort out the mess they are part of? I really don’t like this outfit.

 

I said this before but I will remind you. Apart from having spent 5 years in Malawi in the shadow of these people, I was utterly shocked when Kofi Annan got to Sri Lanka after the tsunami of 2006 and refused to visit victims in the Tamil Tiger area. Where is the humanity in that man, then the Secretary General of the UNITED Nations? Following his retirement from the UN, Annan went on to ensure that the illegally elected “President” of an East African country could stay in power by helping to cobble a deal with the Opposition Party. In the meantime hundreds of ordinary people from that country died in Political riots following that bogus election. What a sham of a man. Then his son surfaced from under a big black cloud of alleged corruption. Rotten from the core as Neil Kinnock prophetically said about Margaret Thatcher’s Administration.

 

Speaking of Margaret Thatcher, I have read a couple of times recently that Thatcher is suffering from mental illness: now that’s not news is it? Thatcher was mentally ill long before she became Prime Minister.

 

End of erudite rant!

 

DW

 

 

 

Are Aid Workers all Gay These Days?

Sitting in and around the hotel here in Khartoum, I am wondering if the oddly dressed men and the many men who speak with a lithp or some kindred impediment are all gay.

Is it a requirement now to be gay to be an Aid worker?

DW
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Is it Gay to Moisturise?

A young man sat next to me on the flight from Dubai to Doha yesterday. We didn’t speak and there is nothing wrong with that. So my question is, is it gay to moisturise?

 

This man sat down and applied moisturiser to his face. Then he went to sleep. I was rather offended that he turned his back on me as he got himself comfy. He slept almost all of the 40 minutes it took to get from Dubai to Doha. On arrival the man then got out another potion and sprayed his face with it. I don’t suppose it was fly spray!

 

Just a thought.

 

DW

Is it really THAT bad?

British Chancellor of the Exchequer Alastair Darling is reported to have said that the British Economy is in its worst state for more than 60 years: according to BBC World that is.

 

If that is true then we really are in the mire. Remember the devaluation of 1967? How about Denis Healy having to go cap in hand to the IMF month after month and anyone going abroad was limited to taking £50 with them. Then there were the Thatcher years: with that disastrous Chancellor Nigel Lawson followed eventually by the equally questionable Normal Lamont.

 

I have lived through bad times in the UK then so if it’s the worst for 60 years then it must be bad.

 

Then again, this is some sort of payback for the country living on credit for the last 15 years or so. The boom of the Blair years have now come to a head: all of those people wearing Armani clothes, driving a new BMW and carrying Louis Vuitton bags are having to shop at Aldi and Lidl now as their credit has run out. This is REALLY what Darling is talking about, not the credit crunch from the USA. The credit crunch is merely a symptom of gross mismanagement by governments all over the Western world.

 

Who will suffer, though? Hmm, let me think about that.

 

DW

 

 

US Presidential Circus

Living in hotels for week after week as I often do, it is very difficult for me to avoid the American Presidential Election Pantomime (you can quote me and call it the APE Pantomime, but don’t forget to ascribe it to me!). Since I am not American I do not get a full grasp of what they are doing. However, as an outsider I do know that Obama has inflicted himself on the world’s public for almost two years. Obama and Ms Clinton started their campaigns a year early because they knew it would be tough for them. In addition, they are both so hungry (many say greedy) for power that they needed a massive start on the competition.

 

Well, it worked and in the end the only two Democratic candidates in the ring were those two people. Now they are down to one!

 

Well, apart from being sick to death of the process and telling an American colleague that they could take a leaf out of the British Political book and spend just THREE WEEKS on their general election campaigns, I was distressed yesterday.

 

What happened yesterday? McCain, the oven fried Republican candidate (already 72 years old, extremely boring and an appalling public speaker in my opinion), announced his Vice Presidential nominee candidate: a woman, Sarah Palin. Nothing wrong with a woman. What got me was her strident and grating voice: eeugh! She looks presentable and I might even say pretty. But that voice. I have heard her speak for a total of about 30 seconds and it made me wonder how she managed to have five children with a voice like that!! No offence, ma’am ... in case you get the job!!

 

These are the political insights you don’t get everywhere!

 

 

DW

 

 

 

The UN: plus ca change ...

I am seething!

 

I am in a nice hotel in Khartoum. Outside there are many spotlessly clean but very large 4x4 cars with UN in big letters on them.

 

At the airport it looked to me as if there was an entire area comprising only UN planes and helicopters.

 

Having seen these people  in operation in Malawi, I dread to think what they are up to here.

 

They come for years these UN people and sound the death knell for the country they inflict on themselves on.

 

If I get to talk to any of them I will tell them that I would be able to get them all sent home within around a your providing they gave me a staff of no more than 100 men to work them out with their jobs.  As I did that I am very confident that I would have resolved most if not all of the problems facing the Sudan at the moment.  Brave words but give me a chance and I would get rid of the misery.

 

DW

Mick Channon

Sorry to hear that Mick Channon has been hurt in a car crash. A good footy player from years ago.

Gulf Today introduced this story by saying that former football ace and racing horse trainer is in a STABLE condition.

I kid you not!

DW
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The Burj Dubai

I think it's a magical looking building and here is a snap wot I took in June, just a few weeks ago. I went down to the Burj that day to take photos of it in daylight, at twilight and at night. I think it is a highly photogenic bit of architecture and am looking forward to the day I can go inside it and to the top of it ... DW

Walking in Dubai

I went for a walk this afternoon in Dubai. Wow, that was a hot, hot, hot thing to do. It took me about an hour and a half to stop sweating.

 

Near the clock tower there is an advert for a watch with that duff actor George Clowney as the USP. As if!

 

DW

Olympics 14

I thought I had finished chatting about the Beijing Olympic games and then some utter clown thought it would awfully outre to include an image of Myra Hindley in a promotional video of London.

Hindley was jailed for her part in luring five children and young people into the arms of her lover Ian Brady. Brady then abused, tortured amd murdered these unfortunate people.

Hindley and Brady dumped the bodies of their victims on moorland. Tragically there is one young lad whom these monstrous people killed who is still on the moors somewhere: unfound and alone. The poor lad's mother has spent her life since his death desperately looking for him.

So do you think London should have shown an image of that awful woman celebrating the city?

The good news is that Hindley died in prison.

DW

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Olympics 12a

In spite of any impression I might have created to the contrary, I have enjoyed the Beijing Olympics.

Team GB has done pretty well but I have been keen to point out the errors of some of our delusional athletes. The athletes who were only hopeful and not driven. The athletes draped in bling and tattoos and dyed hair showed how they were diverting their energies away from a superior performance.

The final moan concerns the high five. Who has taught these people to hug each other and dish out high fives at the least opportunity? Just ridiculous in my opinion.

End of the Olympics.

Now for the Paraympics where things will be so much better.

DW
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Short of Nothing

These things pop into one's head don't they?

My mother, RIP, used to say she was short of nothing she hadn't got. I suddenly just thought about that and for the first time ever, I decided to try to understand what it meant. I concluded by thinking what a clever little saying it is.

I don't know if mother created the saying or not but I like it.

DW
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eGate Card

My eGate card let me down as I arrived at DXB on Saturday morning. However, you can rejoice now because I went to the eGate office and had it set up again.

Praise be!!

DW
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Wolf and Sheep's Clothing

Ever been tempted by those astonishing offers whereby you are told you can share in many milions of Dollars if only you would help someone you have never met.

Of course, it's all rubbish and having shared your full bank details with these people they simply walk into your bank account and steal all of the money in it.

Well now, they have put the wolf in sheep's clothing. I just received the following message an hour or so ago. These people are evil predators. Don't fall for their horrible tricks.

Their cruddy message follows:

Attention:

This email is not in any manner directed to you, but its purposely and specifically directed to Nigeria Scam victims. . However, if you have fallen for Nigerian Scams, do not hesitate to contact us or visit our website for more details on how we can help.

We shall be waiting to hearing from you been certain that you were truly scammed by a Nigerian and you have proves to back your claims. Please read the full report at our website: ... URL deleted to protect the unwary.


Yours faithfully,

Brian Adams

Nigerian Government Reimbursement Committee

Message ends

Please be careful.

DW

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Olympics 12

Chen Ruolin. Know that name? After moaning at our bling bling athletes, spare a thought for that slip of a Chinese lass Chen who won Gold in the 10 metre diving competition.

When only a brilliant dive would suffice to win Gold, Chen provided us with virtually a faultless dive. I really have nothing but admiration for athletes like that.

While another Chinese girl won Bronze, let's congratulate the equally excellent Canadian who won Silver.

Again, the two British girls in the final did well but they were many streets behind the top three.

DW


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Olympics 11

I mentioned athletes wearing their designer sun glasses at night. Well, Martyn Rooney, our 400 metre male runner just ran in his designer specs.

He did so badly. The BBC commentators were building Rooney up as a contender. Even though the second in the race was one second behind the winner and the third placed runner fell over as he crossed the line Rooney wasn't even fourth or fifth ...

I would make our athletes behave like the Chinese competitors. Did you see the latest female diver? Perfection.

By the way, I fell in love with the two Chinese beach volleyball Bronze medal winners. Marvellous girls both!

DW
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Olympics 10

Is it me or are we suffering from massive exaggeration?

Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter, won the 200 metres sprint for men. As he did so he knocked 0.02 seconds off the existing world record. That's two HUNDREDTHS of a second.

Admittedly Bolt was many metres ahead of the rest of the field but given that the existing record was 12 years old is this such an astonishing feat?

I don't think so!!

DW
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Olympics 9

All inadequate English people are using amount now when they should be saying number. For example, they say there is a large AMOUNT of people ... Of course it should be a large NUMBER of people.

The 12 year olds at the BBC are now using the noun medal as a verb. That's such a stupid thing to do that I won't even illustrate it.

I am tired and bored of hearing how AMAZING things are at the Olympics too. I am sorry but it's impossible for EVERYTHING to be amazing.

DW

Stupid Foreigner Moment

You know the story, you arrive in a foreign land and are either right royally ripped off or it takes you ages to pay for something as simple as a loaf of bread with their new notes and coins.

Yesterday I went to a supermarket here in Amsterdam and bought a few things. I held my hand out for my change and in a Woolworth moment the check out girl plonked it down on the counter.

There was a sticky surface to the counter and it took a bit of effort to scrape the coins into my hand.

However, as I was putting my things in a bag a young man held out his hand with a 2 euro coin in it. I didn't understand as he said nothing. Then he looked pityingly at me and tilted his head in the direction of the counter.

I apogised and accepted the coin then thanked the man. I felt his withering, pity the poor foreigner look, was a bit much though!!

DW
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Olympics 8

Can someone explain the need for a steeplechase runner to wear trendy sunglasses ... At night ... When it's dark?

Brendan Foster's on tip top form, as per yesterday. That is, useless.

DW
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Olympics 7

We did it again! In the middle of what the papers are calling the Great Haul of China, we sent Paula Radcliffe to come 23rd in the Marathon. She clearly wasn't fit so why did she go?

I know someone will tell me about morale and team spirit and those worthy things but I think no one else does such a thing as take a lame athlete to the olympics.

Athletics are back, then. So is Brendan Foster. Why do they persist with Foster? He was a decent runner in the 1980s but he was NEVER a decent commentator. Foster lacks erudition, he lacks fluency and he lacks imagination. Boring, in other words!

It's the penultimate lap of the 10,000 metres for men as I rant this and Foster has just tried to set up an exciting finish. He failed completely. Yaaaaawn!

A lap later and he's asking the same question as he asked a lap ago, who's going to strike? Oddly, the man who was to win had already struck!

C'mon Foster, time to retire. At least that useless John Motson has done that for us.

DW
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Olympics 6

How about this? The girl who finished 15th in the woman's marathon at the Olympics is from Ethiopia and is called ...

Dire Tune!

Marvellous!!!!

DW
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The Station

It's not a good idea to arrive at Manchester Airport at around 22:00 on Friday.

Firstly, maybe they have closed the walk way from the terminal to the station just long enough for you to miss a train.

Then you might find that NONE of the moving pavement thingies are working ... NONE of them.

After that you might find that they have cancelled your next possible train meaning a 40 minute delay and a change of train at Manchester Piccadilly. Moreover, the train to your destination from Piccadilly has already been cancelled meaning having to go out of your way and taking a taxi to get you the final 5 or 6 miles home.

All in all, a bad idea.

DW
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Fran Made it

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. Daughter Fran has secured her place at the Beijing Paralympics again with a personal best (they call it a PB).

She has overcome a serious shoulder injury to get back on track.

So happy for you Fran and thanks to everyone.

:-)

DW
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Olympics 5

Are these Gymnasts really as young as they look? I watched the Chinese, Romanian and USA "women" gymnasts yesterday and the Chinese girls especially but also a couple of the American girls looked VERY young.

The Chinese girls were wearing make up too: what would Chairman Mao say about that?

Two of the American girls had personal nightmares, otherwise, a very good standard of competition.

DW
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Olympics 4

Good news this evening even though the girls I am writing about came 8th in their event. Our 10 metre board synchronised divers looked good and performed well. Good spirit, good attitude, not blubbery. Clearly they were in a good field of competitors. They tried hard. Well done!

I have heard of some shenanigans with our 14 year old Olympian diver ... don't know the full story but it sounds terrible.

DW
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Olympics 3

Attitude and spirit are vital at Olympian level. I watched a lot of the women's synchronised diving last night. The Chinese slim and fit looking as well as highly competent. The same was true of the French and the Russians and several more.

Then the podgy British girls turned up: they looked flabby and their performances were flabby. Were they there for the laugh or what?

Praise the two British gold medallists so far.

Then there's that 14 year British diver. In an interview yesterday he looked happy and glibly said he didn't expect to win anything and was told to enjoy himself.

Look at the high achieving nations: they don't send flabby people and they don't send people who believe they won't win. Why do we send second raters and no hopers?

DW
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Looney Clooney

Forgive me but he's one of the many talentless people who have done far too well for themselves ...

Arriving at Geneva airport, the first advertising board one sees has George Clooney on it: complete with greasy hair and skew whiff smile.

Eugh!

DW
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Poor Sooty!

There's an advertisement on CNN at the moment for Shell in which they we can help to reduce Sooty emissions.

Now, what would Sweep and Suzy say about that?

DW
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Fran needs you!

Daughter Fran has qualified to represent Great Britain at the Paralympics in Beijing. BUT she has hurt her shoulder and now needs to prove that she should still go to Beijing with the team.

Please send your most potent thoughts and prayers to her so that she can go for Gold for Great Britain.

DW, awe inspired Dad who has nothing but massive respect for ALL Paralympians.

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Come on Burnley ...

… are we dispirited by the 4 – 1 defeat at Sheffield Wednesday? Are we ‘eck!

 

Up the Clarets!!

 

DW

Olympics 2

More BBC nonsense. I wonder how many times we are going to have to listen to nonsense like this?

"How much is it about getting to know each other?" Asked of the two women rowing together in the coxless pairs.

Then a commentator said of those two women as their event was under way, "For them it's all about being competitive."

I see the Vegans have already tried to make a protest: they tried to unfurl a Tibetan flag. I just hope the people at the BBC don't consider that newsworthy.

DW
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Olympics 1

The Beijing Olympic Games has started in spectacular style but no doubt the Vegans will stage or try to stage a protest or two. Bless 'em! I hope the Chinese police throw them out of the country and don't take the British approach: move along there now!.

Anyway, I have watched a few minutes of the Games and woud like someone to take note of the tattoo count: the early signs are that Britain will come top of that table by far.

I suspect we will win the Olympic Spitting competition too.

One aggravation from the BBC came when a commentator mentioned the AMOUNT of people in the gymnastics hall.

DW
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Marvellous ... true ... scary!

I am really sorry but I don’t remember where I got the following from. The file on my hard disk is dated 18^th July 2002.

However, although the example clearly comes from the USA, it applies here in the UK: just take a look at our A Level exams these days. What follows is a ringer for our A Level system

Teaching Maths in 1950:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

What is his profit?

Teaching Maths in 1960:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.

What is his profit?

Teaching Maths in 1970:

A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M."

The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M."

Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Maths in 1980:(with affirmative action)

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.

His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Maths in 1990:

By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Maths in 2000:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.

His cost of production is $120.

How does the Auditor determine that his profit margin is $60?

DW

Vexillology

Well, nobody knows the plural for Corgi so here’s another one for you: what is vexillology?

 

Answers in a comment here or via email!

 

DW

Witness and Well Move it!!

I had to go to Halifax Magistrate's Court today to have an affidavit witnessed.

Firstly, reception was being run by a manager. Secondly, he was very slow. Thirdly, he told me I would have to pay between £25 and £60 AND make an appointment.

Now, I was told it would be free and available on demand at a Court.

I found a Solicitor to do it for me for £7 and she did it on demand too.

As I was waiting for Mr Slowcoach at Reception I saw a microphone on a stand and on the stand was a notice that said:

**DANGER This microphone is broken and is very dangerous. Do not use this microphone. **

I thought, why leave the microphone there and then put such a notice on it? Put the thing away ... Get someone to dispose of it!!

DW
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Contraception

I’m sorry if this appears sexist but I found it stunning.

 

On Woman’s Hour on BBC Radio 4 yesterday they had a piece on sex education in schools. They interviewed a man and a woman although I don’t really know who they were.

 

The man started by telling us about his work in primary schools and so on and how he was approaching sex education there.

 

The woman bellowed in with, “How dare you do such a thing?” A rant followed and a mini debate in which she insisted that parents are the ones who should be in control of their children’s sex education.

 

I didn’t really understand the woman’s problem with what the man was doing but as far as her qualifications for such a discussion are concerned I am worried because she was introduced to us as having TEN children.

 

Enough said!

 

DW

More on Oil Prices

A simulcast

 

I have been getting no responses to my questioning of the rises in oil prices over the last year or so. I have been questioning the sentiments behind the price rises for almost the whole of the year: not just a bandwagon. Here are extracts from an article in the FT from 4th August. I think it is telling for two reasons:

• language used
• the reasoning and its acceptance

The language used in the article reflects my concerns in my previous Blog entry on this subject: that is, the journalist is worried about falling prices; oil prices plunging and falling prices amid concerns over the global economy and its performance. Where is the hysteria that accompanied the stratospheric rises that the world suffered from as speculation fed the rise in crude oil prices? Nowhere!

 

Probably more importantly comes the reasoning behind the price rises: take a look.

 

This is what they say in the article, included here verbatim:

• Other factors pushing down oil prices included higher supplies from Opec, which mainly reflected Saudi Arabia's decision to boost its oil production to the highest level in more than 25 years.
• Some traders also expressed doubts about the strength of Chinese consumption, saying it had been artificially boosted by stockpiling ahead of the Olympics.
• However, traders warned against calling the end of the oil rally, since prices have oscillated between $130 and $120 for the past 10 days without a clear trend emerging.

These speculators who have probably traded misery over food prices and billions of dollars over the last year as they raped the world are now hiding behind falling prices but no one is pointing the finger at them. Except me of course.

 

From Oil falls as fears for growth intensify

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/c4edfb02-624f-11dd-9ff9-000077b07658.html

 

 

 

Duncan Williamson

Tracking Spyware

So I have built my on computer (with the help of son Andrew in view of TWO new motherboards having failed on me) and have been running it since Saturday: that’s only four days.

 

I have been using my paid up version of the excellent AVG anti virus software and have just got their free upgrade that includes an anti spyware utility. Beggar me but it’s found 130 spyware infections and it’s only about one third of the way through its scan.

 

Dear Spyware routine writers: if ever I get to know about a product or service that I have been invited to buy and there is anything like a spyware routine behind it, I will NEVER buy it. In the words of Dr Ian Paisley, Never, Never, Never, Never. Moreover, I will tell the world and his wife that those products are spyware infected. You are wasting your time.

 

DW

Top of the Olympics Medals Table

Which country was top of the Athens' Olympics Medals table in 2004?

USA? No!
China? No!
Russia? No!

The answer is ... The Bahamas. With a medals tally of 6.2 medals per milion population The Bahamas is miles ahead of its nearest rivals, both with 2.4 medals per million populationa' Australia and Cuba.

On the above basis the USA, China and Russia are nothings!

Thanks to the survey An Olympic Game in Intelligent Life Vol 1 Issue 4 page 33 for this.

By the way, I refer to a medals table and not, heaven forfend, the standings.

DW
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AA Gill

AA Gill writes a column for the Sunday Times magazine: I think it's about restaurants he visits and the food he eats there. I have to tell you that either that man is seriously ill or he is suffering from delusions of an ability to write coherently. I will be posting extracts from last week's column here when I get home, later today. I thought the education system Gill went through didn't start collapsing until the mid 1980s. You will see my assumption in that regard was misplaced. UPDATE A bit late but here is the sort of utter claptrap that passes for journalism these days: The mousseline de brochette et grenouille. Try to picture it. Sitting, nay, levitating in the centre of a circular white table big enough to play Olympic blow football on. This dish is deceptively simple. It looks like a gateau for the type of woman who says let them eat cake. In fact, it's savoury: a fish mousseline, as smooth as a warm Baileys enema administered by Charles Aznavour by candlelight, with the wobbly texture of a contemplative nun's genuflecting buttock. The flavour is pale and interesting; a clear whisper of dark, chalky pools and shimmering, placid, terror faced pike, a taste emphatic and resonant and round, but at the same time restrained, elegant and intimate, like the gesture of a hand laid on the bade of your neck, or the shadow glimpsed under a summer bridge. This emulsion of silky profundity, this boneless evocation of memories, scents and savours is one of the most difficult things to accomplish in all gastronomy: that delicate line between bland and bold and only the haute French can really be bothered to find it. But we're not finished yet. Interred inside the mousseline are the boned and poached legs of small, green Jeremy Fishers. Their flavour, too, is ambivalent; caught between the earth and the water, they owe a little something to both. And they are, of course, the natural dinner of the pike. They go so well together, an antipathy in life that becomes harmony in death. I understand that AA Gill is dyslexic and has to dictate his work to a secretary. Well, if I were the secretary I would edit it before submitting it. DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Antonin Dvorak

How about this: today I went back to take photos of the place we went on Sunday evening. I didn't have my camera with me on Sunday, hence the need to go back.

I went into the Vysehrad grave yard and came acrosss Antonin Dvorak's grave. Respect. I don't take photos in grave yards.

Lovely grave yard, by the way; and if ever you get to Prague take a look.

DW
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Spot the Business Model

This is a five star hotel but what business model is it using?

Room rates are cheaper the further ahead you book
Internet access is to be paid for AND the quicker the download speed the more you pay
Access to the gym is by payment of a fee
Want a swim? You've got to pay for it.
Guests are a mixture: the expected business people are made to mingle with silver haired tourists AND very young back packers
The staff do not all appear to be highly trained AND the English language skills of some staff is a little below what should be expected

Let me know what you think the model is.

DW

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MS Office Live

Microsoft Office Live looked like a good idea so I tried it. I uploaded some files, I created directories and I moved some files around. I uploaded word files, powerpoint files, excel files, jpeg files and pdf files.

 

All worked nicely so I thought I would share some files with a colleague.

 

It performed embarrassingly badly so that I had to write and apologise and promise never to try to send them my files in that way again.

 

Bill Gates has retired? He should never have been allowed to get away with his laughable systems in the first place if you as k.

 

DW

nwa

I am sitting in the business class lounge(*) at Schiphol Airport as I type this and wanted to tell you that I can see SEVEN nwa aeroplanes from here. The power of code sharing airlines then?

* I was signed in by a KLM frequent flyer Gold Elite member!

DW
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Would you pay for someone to count your money?

I was told this morning that the Yorkshire bank charges you for counting bank notes that you pay into your bank account with them.

I find hard to believe but I am assured it is true.

I would change banks if they did that to me.

DW
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Colder out than in

Air conditioning can be very convenient of course but when one goes outside to warm up, someone needs to turn the air con temperature up a notch or two.

DW
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Risque but worth thinking about

I know some youngsters read this blog so I try to be careful what I write. This is a bit risque but here goes.

The other week I was walking round Dubai and came across a neon sign above the entrance to a supermarket. Except that that the letter u was not working.

Now, without me spelling it out for you, see the effect that the loss of the letter u has on the word supermarket. Then add a touch of creative thinking.

It's one to make you smile maybe rather than giving you a big belly laugh but you heard it here first.

DW
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Missed the news? Don't worry, CNN's at hand

Don't worry if you missed Sunday's news, you'll be able to watch it again many times on CNN on Sunday ... and all day on Monday ... and all day on Tuesday ...

Padraig Harrington is still winning the British Golf Open today, Tuesday 22nd July, according to CNN.

DW
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Boffin Advice Needed

I bought a Nokia N95 in Dubai a while ago and when I recharge the battery in Dubai, it is fine.

When I recharge the battery in the UK it only holds that charge for around 24 hours.

Anyone know why this happens?

DW
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Wafi Centre

Here's a recommendation for you.

I have eaten at Carter's Restaurant in the Wafi Centre here in Dubai twice this week and I thoroughly recommend the place.

Good food, good atmosphere, good waitresses and waiters.

DW
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Confiscated Marmite and Funny Water

Confiscated Marmite

Passing through departures at Manchester airport about three hours ago, I had my small jar of Marmite confiscated. I think it was taken from me because of the threat to world peace that such small jars of Marmite present.

Never thought about it that way before.

Funny Water

Last night Andrew and I went for a curry in the centre of halifax. As we were dawdling by the entrance to the restaurant these really funny people drew up near us in their car.

Now this is so funny.

The driver had, ha ha ha, a large bottle of water, he he he, with him and ... no don't, my stomach hurts too much ... he squeezed the bottle suddenly and hard and ... now here's the really funny part ... sprayed the pair of us with a tiny bit of water.

Hey, isn't that just too funny?

Like all cowardly people the car then sped off. Luckily for the people in the car we were almost paralysed with laughter.

I wonder what it was about ineffectually spraying water at two people wearing waterproof coats that those people found so funny? Do you think it's anything to do with their inferiority and stupidity? Or do you think it really is a funny thing to do?

Let me know :-)

DW
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Mango Touts?

Andrew and I were minding our own business yesterday afternoon following my return from my Out Patient's consultation at the hospital when the phone rang. It was my neighbour asking if he could come round for a chat.

He duly arrived and we chatted merrily for over three hours on a range of topics.

In the middle of this session Andrew noticed that the neighbour had mentioned mango touts a couple times. I have to confess I missed the references completely.

In the context of our discussion about fresh fruit and veg, Andrew realised that the neighbour was talking about mangetout rather than mango touts!!.

Well, of course it was funny but at least we were able to provide the proper pronunciation and meaning of mangetout!

DW
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Street Atlases:how do they do it?

Just checking on the location of a DIY shop in Halifax and found the address easily enough. So I went to my Easy Read West Yorkshire Street Atlas only to find that the shop is located at the junction of FOUR pages in the atlas.

 

To get a clear and full idea of how to get there with certainty I need to copy and tape together the corners of the four pages.

 

Weird that?

 

DW

The Stupid Tree Working Overtime

I just heard an article on BBC Radio 4 about an international Science Olympiad. That's where knowledgeable and gifted young scientists compete against each other to become top scientist of the year ... please feel free to correct that definition.

One teacher interviewed said his pupils didn't have the knowledge of pupils in private schools so they were at a disadvantage.

What? Who are these people and what is the disadvantage? Knowledge is free. Pupils who enter these olympiads are bright and keen so managing them must be a dream.

This kind of attitude is symptomatic of England's education system now. Grossly watered down specifications and exams and we think we are still world beaters.

One the teachers did say that GCS(E)s and A Levels of 20 years ago were much more involved than they are now. How about being given 10% to evaluate a simple fraction ... possible in a Business Studies A Level exam now.

DW
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Memory and a top tip

I just went upstairs but as I got to the top of the stairs I couldn't for the life of me remember what I was doing there!! Took me about 30 seconds to remember!

If you're going to install some memory in a computer don't forget where all the cables go. Otherwise you might think it doesn't work any more when you switch it on again and the monitor fails to show anything. (Not me, by the way!)

DW.


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PC Builder

I know that pride goes before a fall but I thought you'd like to know I've just built a new computer from components.

It's got a good spec and is fast. It's going to be my work horse computer now and is future proofed for about two years I think. It needs just a bit more memory to achieve that: I installed 2Gb but will take 32Gb.

DW
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Another Widgenie Chart

Here is another Widgenie Chart for you. This isn't to be a series, just another example as I think they are so good!

DW

Spectacle sillyness

I decided to take my specs apart this morning to give them a right good cleaning. I was really careful of course and cleaned the frame under dribbling hot water using an old toothbrush.

I cleaned the lenses with cold water and a kitchen tissue.

I was extremely careful when reassembling the things because the screws they use are very small. I got the first screw in with a little difficulty. Then I decided I would drop the second screw. Bear in mind that without my specs my eyesight is poor: not blind as a bat but poor.

I felt for the screw and failed to find it. Slowly, I took the decision to stand up very carefully. I am very pleased to say that I found the screw surprisingly easily.

That means I am able to watch the opening session of the Test match, England v South Africa, as normal in spite of the slight eye strain I woke up with!

DW
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Burned Bonce!

Went to the Party in the Park in Germany last Saturday afternoon and thought you would like to know that for the first time ever my scalp was burned by the sun.

My hair is short but I was surprised that the sun's rays found their way through.

Just goes to show, doesn't it!

DW
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A Widgenie Chart

I have created the following chart using Widgenie and whilst you might not use it yourself, let me tell you how easy it is to use ... it is really easy to use. At the time of writing Widgenie is free of charge and you can get it from http://www.widgenie.com/.

DW

HP Pavillion Tablet Notebook

This computer, bought only last November, has died AGAIN and is being returned to base AGAIN.

Nice spec, dreadful performance.

DW
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Champagne Socialists

Remember George Robertson? He was a member of Tony Blair's first Cabinet if my memory serves me correctly. He quickly left that Government, however, to become Lord Robertson and the Secretary General of NATO.

Then Robertson disappeared as far as I could tell, once his tenure at NATO had ended.

Fear not, I have found him again. What do you think this top Socialist is doing now? Select the right answer from the following four alternatives:

1 Deputy Chairman of TNK BP
2 Deputy Chairman of TNK BP
3 Deputy Chairman of TNK BP
4 Deputy Chairman of TNK BP

Putting something back, then, George.

DW
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The Duvet

I decided yesterday that by early July I really ought to be sleeping under my 4.5 tog duvet rather than my 9 tog Autumn/Winter one.

I duly changed the duvet but was cold last night.

Global warming? As if!

DW
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My Backside!

Speaking of Holland, a Dutchman joined the throng this week and of course his English is excellent. Except when he said that he, "Entered the hotel from the backside."

I said, "Steady on!", the way we do.

He looked puzzled, I explained!!

DW
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A Dutch Field: collapse of the world order?

I am on a train half way down Holland from Amsterdam and I have just seen a field near Utrecht with a slight slope on it.

What next one wonders?

DW
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DXB egate mega top tip

So you go to Dubai by air a few times a year and you love the place: it's not a difficult place to love.

But you know your heart sinks when you come face to face with the immigration queues both when arriving (especially) and leaving. My worst nightmare on arrival was queuing for over two hours ... middle of the night after a largely sleepless night flight ...

Get yourself an egate pass. Issued by the Ministry of Interior and it will cost you just AED200 at the time of writing. You will breeze through all immigration formalities with this pass and feel much better for it. You get an ID card and they scan your fingerprints.

Magical top tip that one.

DW


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Be a Loser to Win

Remember Piers Morgan? He is the editor of the Daily Mirror who proved his worth by being sacked for incompetence.

Since then I see he has become a judge on America's got Talent (sic) and The Celebrity Apprentice.

A lesson for life? Well, it is in this modern nonsense world.

DW
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Low Cost Airlines? What a Joke

So, I will be in Germany over the weekend and need a one way flight home. I have booked my flight and it has cost me a staggering £160++.

The flight was nowhere near full when I booked AND they sneaked in a charge for choosing my seat. It says pay more for an exit seat and even more for extra leg room. It does NOT say you will pay just for choosing any old seat. They charge though!

I am just grateful that I don't deal with these people very often.

The headline price of the ticket is €140. What I actually paid is about 40% more than that.

DW
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More Cruddy Language

I watched a few minutes of a film the other night about King Arthur ... English king of yore and he of the Round Table.

I switched off when one of the characters was made to say in faux mediaeval English that he should leave "right now".

Who are these people who write such nonsense?

DW
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Memory Lane

On the plane last night and the films were just rubbish. The good news though is that I got the chance to listen to some really good, old fashioned high quality music.

The Beatles
Elvis
Queen
Simon and Garfunkle
ABBA
And so on

Life defining music every last song. I'm afraid modern pop slop does nothing for me

DW


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Eternal Youth

I've found it: the secret of eternal youth.

Get the 09:42 bus into town and all of the other passengers will be pass wielding pensioners with silver hair and a Dunkirk spirit attitude to life.

Difficult not to be the youth on that bus!!

Yet another top tip from duncanwil.co.uk

DW
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Fairy Tale

One day, a long, long time ago ... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But that was a long time ago ... and it was just that one day.

The End

Thanks to the clever wit who put that one together.

DW
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Zimbabwe

After many, many years the cat is finally out of the bag and that repressive and murderous tyrant Robert Mugabe is openly doing what he said he would: murdering his own people, stifling anything resembling democracy and so on. I wonder what he will say when he meets his maker?
 
Now, however, we can hear pious and piteous bleating from the international community: why so long in coming? Why are these people only taking notice now? The people of Zimbabwe have nothing to look forward to now that Mugabe is getting away with murder.
 
There is talk of further sanctions being levied against the top 100 or 200 people in Zimbabwe. Whooppeee! Does that mean that their ill gotten gains that have been stashed away in foreign bank accounts will be confiscated and shared between the people of Zimbabwe. As if. Ever heard of numbered Swiss bank accounts? Ever heard of secret identities? Does anyone think that these people haven't hidden everything?
 
How about stopping them travelling? I have never done it and never will, but I think it would take me about a day to source and place an order for an illegal passport from just about any country I liked. I don't doubt some of these top people are way ahead of the curve on this one.
 
By the way, in case you don't know. In the glory days when Mugabe was able to travel freely, for example to collect his honorary degrees from the UK and his knighthood (wonder where that was conferred), he normally took a plane load of cronies with him and they raided the shops for weeks on end. How much money did they plunder to finance those trips? And did his wife really need Rolex watches costing many thousands of Pounds each? Funnily enough, everyone knew what Mugabe was doing then but who even suggested he was doing something wrong? No one: not even our own bleater in chief, the one and only Gordon Brown.
 
DW
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Chopper

As I walked through Manchester airport last week I came upon a man wearing an Orange County Cycles tee shirt ... That's American Chopper talk.

I went up to the man and asked if the tee shirt was genuine. He said, rather snottily I thought, no it wasn't. I said I was hoping it was and that he'd been to Orange County and met Paul Sr, Paul Jr and Mikey!!! Dismissively, he said no again.

No offence but this man had a Southern English accent!! 'nuff said.

DW
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Pissoire

Last Friday afternoon I was on a tram in Manchester having just left Piccadilly Gardens on the way to Old Trafford to watch the Lancs v Yorks Twenty20 cricket match. Then son Andrew pointed out the pissoire in the street ... Completely open to the street.

Honestly, I couldn't believe it. Where is the dignity and privacy in that? Where are we living, France?

Turns out there's a pissoire in Halifax too.

DW
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BMI ... AGAIN

I vowed never to fly with BMI again and you can search this blog's archive to see why.

However, as part of the trip to Riyadh that I am just finishing now, I was put on the Manchester - Heathrow - Manchester sectors, connecting to Gulf Air flights to run me down to Riyadh.

Needless to say, my luggage has not made it back with me. Moroever, I couldn't be booked all the way through from Riyadh to Manchester so I had to check in with BMI at Heathrow. The check in girl even kindly explained why I also needed to reconfirm my luggage with her. Otherwise, she said, it wouldn't be put on the same flight as me.

How prophetic that turned out to be!!!

DW
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Language again

A rather well spoken English woman was interviewed on BBC World's financial news from Singapore this morning and she used one of those stupid phrases that inadequates use. She suggested that a company had "kitchen sinked" a financial report.

Secondly, do you know the plural for Corgi? A Corgi is the Queen's favourite dog, of course!

DW
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The Sun

I am in Riyadh at the moment and one of my delegates asked me what the difference is between their sun and our sun.

I said the difference is that we can see theirs!!

Jolly japes!

DW
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Deleting Microsoft Office 2007

Before Deleting any software using Windows' Add/Remove Software utility do make sure you read what it is you are removing. After all, you wouldn't want to uninstall Office 2007 in its entirety would you? More particularly, you wouldn't want to unistall that software when Windows' Restore utility has been disabled for some reason would you?

 

That's probably a double top tip

 

DW

The Lawn

Hooray!

 

It has taken me a long time but when I got back from a recent three week trip I found my lawns to be knee high in grass. The grass just flourished during those fewweeks. It took me another couple of weeks to get my mind ready for mowing but I did nothing. Then this week my old neighbour shamed me by mowing my front lawn. Now, it's not a big lawn but he is quite a bit older than me and he just got on with it.

 

Galvanised, I then found the missing cable: my lawn mower has been standing idle since last August as I left the power cable in my old house in Abingdon. That is, I went online and bought a new power cable and it arrived yesterday.

 

So I spent just an hour or so hacking down my back lawn and whilst it is not at the same standard as my prim and proper Abingdon lawn (the best on my estate by far!), I have begun to look after it now. I will be buying lawn food, moss and weed killer for it now and will mow it more frequently than once in 7 months!!

 

When it is perfect, I will take photos and show you. NO before and after either: forget the past!!!

 

DW

The Secret of Dieting

I know there are lowly people who are fat and then become thin who go on to write a successful "diet" book. Nigel Lawson, one time miserable failure of a Chancellor of the Exchequor, was very blubbery, like his daughter, that ridiculously pseudo poetic cook Nigella.

 

Lawson lost his blubber and now looks more like a Rhinocerous than a person, illustrating just how fat he really was.

 

So, Lawson wrote a book that I believe became a best seller. It is doubtless just a collection of recipes and doubtless the recipes are interspersed with crappy motivational thoughts ...

 

Let me tell you the secret of losing weight, having lost over a stone (more than 14 pounds, more than 7 kg) myeslf recently.

 

Eat less. There you are, that's the secret; but there's more

 

Cut down on the fat: much more important than cutting out the carbohydrates.

 

Eat fewer sweets, chocolates and puddings.

 

There you are: simple

 

If you are a moderate to heavy drinker of alcoholic and/or high calorific soft drinks, drink less,

 

It's that simple and if you cannot do any of this then you are going to be or stay fat.

 

Exercise is important for general health and the more you do the better. In my own experience, especially as I get older, exercise is not such a weight controller. However, good quality exercise gets the heart pumping and the lungs shifting the oxygen around. So take more exercise, especially if you are a slouch and an idle Jack or idle Jenny.

 

Finally, sleep well: you don;t need to sleep more than 7 or 8 hours a night once you are an adult. You don't.

 

Get out of bed, take some exercise and eat and drink less.

 

If you want to pay me some money for that advise, just let me know and I will tell you where to send it!!

DW

DHL ... No thanks Parcelforce is better

I needed to send a package from Abingdon to Halifax and chose DHL. On the web I found the phone number of their nearest office, Leeds. This is what happened; and in each case I started by telling them what I wanted them to do for me..

1 Oh no you need next day delivery for that. Let me give you their number.

Dialled that number.

2 Ah no you've come through to Leeds, I'll give you the number you need.

Dialled that number.

3 Let me put you on hold a second ... I need to give you another number ...

I stopped her and said this is the third number they've given me and I don't need any more. Goodbye.

I then called Parcelforce and for just £14.99 and five minutes of my time they sealed the deal!

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Slugs love fish fingers

I went out into the back garden this evening and found a tiny child' bike and then saw a bowl on the floor nearby with three fish fingers in it. Slithering their way into the bowl were three slimy balck slugs.

So now you know slugs like fish fingers don't you?

DW


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A lake?

It's funny but at least she can speak two languages!

I was chatting to a friend on MSN and showed her my front garden via my web cam. At one point she asked me, 'Is that a lake?' and I replied, 'No, it's a bird bath'!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Plug on the stairs: a top tip

Don't just throw an electical cable with a plug on the down the stairs in case it lands prongs uppermost on a step and you are stupid enough to step on one of the prongs thus gashing the sole of your foot causing prolonged bleeding.

DW
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More Politicians in the Stupid Tree

Have you seen the latest crackpot idea from our politicians? They want to give us all a carbon allowance that we can either use or trade with. So that's another hare brained scheme that is probably impossible to manage and that they will no doubt waste billions on trying to cobble together. These clowns have only fallen one level down the stupid tree but it looks as if they have firmly smashed their heads on the thickest branch as they fell. DW

Grandchild II Arrives

Ey up, let me introduce you to one of the planet's newest people: Rosalin Williamson.

Rosalin was born on Sunday 18th May 2008 in Germany. How about that and she was, as Shakespeare put it in MacBeth, from her mother's womb untimely ripp'd.

DW, the happy and proud grandad!

Is it London?

I am working in London this week and following a successful meeting I decided to buy a SIM card for my new phone. I did that and as I was finishing the transaction I cheerily asked if my new number was a lucky number. I got a reply that surprised me.

Charmaine said I could make it my lucky number if I wanted. Lighten up Charmaine!

Then I called in a Post Office to buy an envelope to send Dima a little something. I paid for the envelope and asked if I could take it to that counter to send it. The man behind the counter told me that he was closing in a minute.

I said, no, it will be tomorrow. However, I didn't ask him when he closed, I asked him about the services he provides.

DW
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