12.12.11

Cheating Examiners: my letter to the Education Select Committee

Last night I wrote to the House of Commons Education Select Committee: they are to hold a meeting on the subject of the cheating examiner problem that has just been highlighted by the Daily Telegraph.

This is a lengthy letter but it is a good summary for them.

At the time of writing I have had neither response nor acknowledgement from them.

I wrote the letter relatively quickly so please forgive me for any errors that have crept into it.

DW



By email: see distribution list below

11th December 2011

Dear Sirs           Allegations relating to GCSE and A Level Examiners

It both causes me sadness and gives me great pleasure to be able to write this letter to your committee. The sadness comes from the seriousness of the allegations being made against the various GCSE and A Level examiners that are the subject of your special meeting to be held on Tuesday 13th December 2011. The pleasure comes from being able to provide you with significant information that will help you to appreciate that a lot of people have known about the allegations for many years but that they have chosen to ignore the allegations.

I have been researching and campaigning on the matter of examiner irregularities for over five years and in that time I have found a lot of proof of inappropriate behaviour. Moreover, I have made Ministers, an Under Secretary of State, MPs, Civil Servants, journalists, teachers, Examination Boards officials, examiners and others aware of my findings.

I first came across allegations of potentially inappropriate examiner behaviour in 2006 or early in 2007 and with no significant difficulty could find that many GCSE and A Level examiners were holding seminars behind closed doors in return for payment. These seminars were held for teachers on the one hand and for pupils on the other. Many teachers and others are clearly aware that these examiners were running these seminars and many teachers did not like it: they felt that unless they or their school or their pupils were prepared to pay the examiners for the insights that were given, they were disadvantaged in public examination.

The majority of teachers and pupils did not attend the examiner seminars but many of them did.

The rules of the boards of examiners clearly state that anyone who is working as an examiner for them is forbidden from announcing any association between their work as an examiner and any other work they do. I found on many web sites that this rule was openly and easily flouted: examiners boldly stated that they were an examiner in subject X for Board Y … I gathered a relatively large batch of examples of these statements and web pages and asked the examination boards to comment on my findings.

In spite of sending live URLs from genuine web sites and thus proving that many examiners were selling their services for financial reward and without respecting the demand of anonymity, the AQA Board not only said that their systems were robust and that my information must be wrong but they threatened me with legal action unless I withdrew some of the claims I was making. What happened was that they had acted in their fury and haste and their threat of action against me dissipated when they realised their mistake.

I know the DfEE as it then was kept records of my correspondence with them, via my MPs: initially Dr Evan Harris and subsequently Linda Riordan because towards the end of 2009 they wrote to tell me that I had approached them on this matter several times and each time they were telling me that there was no problem, no wrongdoing.

The surprise here is that I spent a lot of time preparing my case and whilst I never met Dr Harris I did meet Ms Riordan and I spoke at length on the phone to a civil servant at the Qualifications and Curriculum Authority.

In my personal blog, I have documented my research and the responses of the various people whom I have involved in it. The first entry on my blog in this matter is dated 23rd April 2007; and in that posting I announce that

I was called by a journalist last week who wanted to discuss the way that Britain's GCSE examiners may be behaving. He was specifically worried that the examiners who are marking our children's examination scripts are providing private tuition and behind closed doors advice to teachers and students alike.

The journalist in question was working at that time at the Times Educational Supplement (TES) and following our discussion he had published an article entitled Examiners should stop cheating. That article was followed by another article on this topic the week following the first one, both articles appearing in the TES.

In March 2009 I posted more discussion on this topic: http://duncanwil.blogspot.com/2009/03/level-exams-and-gcse-exams-for-sale.html You will see from this post that the two MPs I mentioned above had been fobbed off by various ministers and civil servants so that I felt driven to write the following, quoting a letter from me to Ms Riordan MP:

On behalf of honest and hard working teachers, parents and pupils I feel unable to support any government, any MP and any examinations system that essentially is supporting the following approach:

       Elitism in education:
       Exclusivity in education;
       Encouraging examiners to work ex officio for personal private gain;
       Encouraging students and candidates for examination to expect that they may meet examiners for their chosen subjects for personal private directed guidance in order to gain an advantage in an examination;
       Cheating;
       Immoral behaviour;
       Unprofessional behaviour.

It is obvious that there is nothing more for me to say to you on this matter since it is clear that the government is fostering lower and lower standards. Moreover Secretaries of State, Under Secretaries of State, Members of Parliament and those in a position to gain financially from this situation are all quite happy to ensure that the privileged few who can afford to pay will receive a better standard of preparation for an examination than those who can't I cannot see the socialist approach in this system.

Late in 2009 or early in 2010 I found Ed Balls, Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families on twitter and I started following him. I then tweeted him and mentioned my campaign and asked him was he doing about it. Eventually he responded and suggested that I wrote to him officially. I then wrote to Mr Balls and that led to my blog posting of 4th February 2010: http://duncanwil.blogspot.com/2010/02/open-letter-to-ed-balls.html In that post I wrote the following:

As is my wont, I am crusading against corruption in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system. I have been carrying out this crusade for several years now. Evan Harris MP failed in this campaign. Linda MP failed in this campaign. Now Ed Balls who is Secretary of State responsible for this area has fobbed me off by passing my latest missive to a junior member of his staff.

I continued:

Here is the latest ill thought out response from Whitehall. Firstly the reply to my latest attempt at rooting out this corruption and secondly my initial response.

Thank you for your e-mail of 9 January alleging corruption in the GCSE and A Level examination systems.  I have been asked to reply.

I note that you have raised similar concerns with the Department on a number of occasions over recent years.  The awarding bodies and Ofqual have thorough systems in place to manage any conflicts of interests inherent in the exams system, and we have previously shared details of those with you.  Ofqual have also previously looked at the concerns you have raised.  This being so, I fear there is nothing I can add to the previous correspondence with you from Ministers and officials.

Yours sincerely,

HB 
QCDA, Ofqual and Exams Delivery

In the clearest terms possible, I had been told that there is nothing wrong: I sent proof upon proof, I sent web site addresses, I sent brochures and leaflets and they told me everything was fine! In my despondency at such shabby service I continued this post as follows:

Dear H,

This will not go away just because you think this matter has been resolved several times. It has not. No minister, no MP, no civil servant has ever accepted that examiners from UK Examinations Boards ARE ex officio making money by holding private seminars with candidates for THEIR examinations in contravention of the rules of those boards and in contravention of ethics and professional behaviour.

You must have seen the articles The Times Educational Supplement over the last three years or so, you must have read Warwick Mansell’s recent book on this and related examination issues, you really must be aware that I am not a crank and that I really do have documentary evidence that no one in the government and civil service, including you now, is in the least bit interested in upholding GCSE and A Level standards.

You are wrong in your assertion that you have previously looked at my concerns. Read my letters maybe but investigated no. I have been fobbed off before with the most inane arguments. I have sent you PROOF that examiners are in breach of their contracts with the Examination Boards and PROOF that these Boards are turning a blind eye to them. All of this is in direct contravention of codes of conduct, codes of practices, statutes and goodness knows what else. Here you are fobbing me off again. It really won’t do. To be fair to some examiners, once it has been pointed out to them that what they are doing is wrong, they stop. Yes, truly: one examiner wrote to me with a profound apology and he took down pages and pages from his web site because of what I pointed out to him. He realised the error of his ways. In the meantime, however, his Examinations Board, in its foot stamping belligerence closed its eyes and said the examiner had done no wrong.

Your thorough systems cannot be so thorough can they when it is as plain as the nose on your face that examiners are walking all over them all of the time. As I type this I can guarantee that there will be advertisements in many newspapers, on websites and in mail shots at the moment in the UK advertising Easter revision courses. Many of those courses will be run by and on behalf of Examiners from the GCSE and A Level Examinations Boards that I am persistently complaining about. Go to your library and reading rooms, go online, check the mail arriving at schools and colleges all over the country. Find those advertisements and then tell me I am wrong.

For your information, I have worked in countries where corruption and academic dishonesty are rife. I am currently working on a World Bank project in one such country. I am here to attempt to install democratic systems that are founded on integrity, transparency and the rule of law. Don’t you find it ironic that here I am trying to teach people in undeveloped countries how to behave whilst at home, the OFFICIAL LINE is that flawed and corrupt systems are allowed there too?

I told Ed Balls on his twitter account that I will not simply go away and I will not. If I have to wait for this government to be dismissed I will. Shouldn’t be long now should it?

Thanks for writing anyway even if it was such a shabby, ill thought out and badly researched email.

Following the above, I appreciated that MPs were not willing to blow the whistle. I appreciated that Secretary of State Balls had no interest in this matter and had dumped my evidence on a civil servant so on 9th February 2010 I posted the following, http://duncanwil.blogspot.com/2010/02/level-bunkum-ii.html:

Following on from my open letter to Ed Balls (Secretary of State in the Gordon Brown Cabinet, one of whose tasks is to safeguard the UK's education system) I sent a follow up the following day to the poor minion who had been given the task of fobbing me off. Here is that response:

Dear Helen,

I have probably failed again with my previous and relatively extensive response to your email so here is the shortened version that really, really ought to make someone in Whitehall sit up and listen:

Principal, senior and other examiners for GCSE and A Level exams present revision sessions and seminars for personal and private financial reward. These sessions are usually held behind closed doors. The audience very commonly, though not exclusively, comprises candidates for the examinations for which the examiner is responsible. Why do these candidates PAY examiners to run these seminars? I wonder!

That this happens is a FACT. That your “thorough systems” are allowing it to happen is a FACT. For goodness’ sake can you get someone to stop this charade? Other examining bodies simply do not allow their examiners anywhere near their candidates and for very good reason.

Only in British schools is such a system allowed whereby the privileged few who are prepared to pay can be given unfettered access to the very people who have set and will mark and moderate the exam for which they are about to sit. If you can’t or won’t pay, you are excluded. This charade even transcends the supposed State School v Public School divide.

Helen: is that fair? Is that democratic? Is this a transparent and acceptable system? Or is it, rather, corrupt, unprofessional, demeaning and out of control?

I have spoken to a great many people on this issue and the ONLY people who are prepared to defend it are the very ones who are in a position to do something about it: you and your colleagues in Whitehall. Isn’t that very odd?

I really do expect someone rational to be given the task of resolving this issue and I have already passed along this latest correspondence to a senior educational journalist who has been following this story for several years now.

Best wishes

I never heard from any other MP, Minister, Under Secretary, Civil Servant or Examination Board official again and because of my work commitments I was unable to return to matter until last week when The Daily Telegraph broke the story again: the SAME story.

I have persistently tweeted Mr Balls on twitter over the last few months but I am not aware of any responses from him. I asked him last week for his thoughts on the Telegraph expose and he has not responded, to my knowledge.



Finally, in case you are not aware of it, Mr Michael Gove has been aware of this scandal since October 2009: that is when I first wrote to him and informed him of the allegations I was making. Mr Gove did respond to acknowledge my letter but thereafter he remained silent on the matter.  On 6th January 2010 I posted he following:

In October, before I went on a two and a half month trip away from home, I wrote to Ed Balls and Michael Gove in relation to the cheating and corruption inherent in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system.

Balls is the Minister responsible for education and Gove is his Tory shadow.

The problem I have been campaigning on for a few years is a real one and I have presented a lot of hard facts and evidence of cheating and corruption and yet two MPs and various civil servants have been happy to turn a blind eye to what is happening. I have even been threatened with legal action by one Examinations Board who then had to slink away from their position when they realised they had tried far too hard to bully me into silence.

These wretched people who are presiding over this abuse of position and privilege have to be hounded out of office and in the case of Gove, prevented from getting into office. Neither of them has replied to my letters.

I need a Tiananmen Square moment to get these people out into the open and this corruption solved and stopped.

Yours sincerely





Duncan Williamson



Distribution list:

Select Committee Members:
Mr Graham Stuart (Chair)        graham.stuart.mp@parliament.uk,
Neil Carmichael                        neil.carmichael.mp@parliament.uk,
Alex Cunningham                    alex.cunningham.mp@parliament.uk,
Bill Esterson                             bill.esterson.mp@parliament.uk,
Pat Glass                                  pat.glass.mp@parliament.uk,
Damian Hinds                          damian.hinds.mp@parliament.uk,
Charlotte Leslie                        charlotte.leslie.mp@parliament.uk,
Ian Mearns                              ian.mearns.mp@parliament.uk,
Tessa Munt                              tessa.munt.mp@parliament.uk,
Lisa Nandy                              lisa.nandy.mp@parliament.uk,
Craig Whittaker                       craig.whittaker.mp@parliament.uk

Committee
Education Committee
               educom@parliament.uk

Committee Staff
Lynn Gardner: Clerk                                         gardnerlm@parliament.uk 
Elisabeth Bates: Second Clerk                            batese@parliament.uk
Penny Crouzet: Committee Specialist                 crouzetp@parliament.uk
Benjamin Nicholls: Committee Specialist              nichollsb@parliament.uk
Ameet Chudasama: Senior Committee Assistant chudasamaa@parliament.uk
Caroline Mcelwee: Committee Assistant              mcelweec@parliament.uk
Paul Hampson: Committee Support Assistant      hampsonp@parliament.uk

Cheating Examiners: letter to the BBC


Message to the You and Yours Programme, BBC Radio 4 in response to an article and interviews they have just broadcast

The programme spoke to

Dr Jim Sinclair, Director of JCQ (Joint Council for Qualifications)
Francis Thomas of Ofqual

The interviewer was Julian Worricker

Dear Sirs,

I have been campaigning for many years against the abuses in the examinations system that the Daily Telegraph highlighted last week. I have just sent a letter to the Education Select Committee for their meeting on Thursday. In summary, my letter says that the following people already knew about the examiner scandal  up to five or more years ago:

Michael Gove knew ... I told him 2 years ago
Ed Balls knew as the Secretary of State 2 years ago ... I told him
An under secretary of state knew because I communicated with her
Two MPs knew this because I communicated with them in detail from five years or so ago
Civil servants knew about this because I communicated with them
The AQA knew about my research because I told them what their examiners were doing: they told me their systems prevented what I was talking about and they threatened me with legal action if I disclosed what I knew

This is not a new problem but I just hope that this abuse of position and privilege will stop now.

Feel free to call me to discuss this at any time! I will happily share my letter and blog postings with you too.

Best wishes

Duncan Williamson
Halifax, West Yorkshire

11.12.11

Cheating Examiners Update: letter to Michael Gove

Dear Mr Gove,

I was very pleased to see that you set up an enquiry into allegations that some GCSE and A Level examiners could be working ultra vires their examination work.

However, I want to point out to you that I wrote to you about this matter in 2009 and whilst you did reply to me to acknowledge my letter, you did nothing further to explore the matter. I appreciate that at that time you were an opposition MP.

Nevertheless, I am writing to advise you that my blog contains references to the letters we exchanged as well as letters to Ed Balls and others. Some of my letters on this topic date back almost five years, highlighting the extent and depth of this problem with our public examination system.

I am also tweeting and updating my blog via a vis this subject and I am naming you over your failure to consider the matter even though I made you aware of it.

Best wishes



Duncan Williamson
Halifax, West Yorkshire

Sent from my iPad

Christmas Decorations

I have put up my new Christmas decorations now. Nothing grand but plenty good enough.

DW

9.12.11

Andrew Photos

Andrew is up here for a few days ...

DW

GCSE and A Level Examiners Caught AGAIN

Just in case they decide not to post my comment in response to this article, here is what I said:

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/education/article3251759.ece


"This story is more than welcome but it is not new.

Michael Gove knew about this because I told him two years or so ago

Ed Balls (as the relevant Minister) knew about this because I told him more than two years ago

Linda Riordan MP (Labour) knew about this because I met her and discussed it with her and then engaged in extensive communication with her

Civil Servants at the relevant departments knew about this because I communicated with them about it and they wrote back

The AQA knew about this because I told them about it and they threatened me with legal action ... empty threat

It is VERY well known that examiners are NOT allowed to do many things but surprise, surprise their books always seem to end up at the recommended text for their subject: anonymity is one of the key requisites of an examiner!

Examiners, many of them, hold seminars along the lines being discussed now. Not only with teachers either. The pupils who are about to take a public examination such as a GCSE and A Level can easily find a course being run by an examiner: for money, behind closed doors. Don't forget, that examiner could well be marking that child's script in a few weeks' time!

Other examining bodies simply forbid their examiners such close contact with their client base. Moreover, if they do get so near, they know it could be the end of their career.

You can easily find these examiners on the internet, advertising their services in exchange for money. They shouldn't but they do and when one complains about it, blows the whistle, SLAM: the door is shut. Let's hope that at last Gove gets it right.

Duncan"

7.12.11

The First Bin!

I have lived in this house since the end of June 2010 but today, 7th December 2011 is the first time I have put out any refuse bins for collection!

Here's the bin ...

5.12.11

Roast Vegetables

I don't boast very often but on this occasion I will blow my own trumpet. My roast vegetables are brilliant!

I roughly chop and blanch potatoes, carrots and parsnips. I roughly chop onions, usually a white and a red onion ... and then add any other roughly chopped veg I have in and drizzle everything with:

vegetable oil and olive oil
balsamic vinegar

The cook them.

Fantastic!

DW

Halellujah!

Neville: have you seen the Messiah?

Me: every night, just before I go to sleep!

Joke!

What Nev was getting at was that there is a performance of Handel's Messiah to be held tonight and had I ever been to a Messiah concert?

Made us laugh anyway!!

DW

3.12.11

Close House

Just read a review of Close House Hotel in The Times. The name rang a bell. I racked my brains and then went to the hotel's web site.

Close House is a Georgian pile set in fantastic grounds just outside Newcastle upon Tyne. It's £150 a night for B&B but they say that would be £900 for something similar in London: they are probably right.

Now I see, now I know: Close House used to be owned/run by the University of Newcastle and I spent a week or so there in 1984 or 1985 on an MBA residential course. Suave!

Go to their site, click to watch their slightly cheesy video and dream away as you listen to the unctuous voice of Mariella Frostrup!

closehouse.co.uk ... free advert from me!!

DW

Two Problems

I turned on my desktop this morning and boyoing ... no wifi connection.

On my laptop I went to blogger.com to update this blog and boyoing ... big error.

I restored the desktop and the wifi works again now: the problem is an update to my anti virus software.

I can't explain why blogger works again but it works from the App on my phone and from there, a Windows XP and Chrome browser desktop.

Now you know!

DW

2.12.11

Don't Trust the Office of Budget Responsibility ...UPDATE


It’s interesting what happens when one opens Pandora’s Box! As I was putting together my article on the hockey stick effect as I think it applies to the data and forecasts put together but the Office of Budget Responsibility (OBR) I did a tiny amount of research into what the rest of the world knew about the effect. One thing I came across a web page that said that Mr X created the hockey stick effect in 2004 or 2005 or something.

I stored that information for future reference knowing that I first heard the term hockey stick effect at least in the mid 1980s.

Well, The big hockey stick effect article comes from, according to Wikipedia:

The term hockey stick was coined by the climatologist Jerry Mahlman, to describe the pattern, envisaging a graph that is relatively flat to 1900 as forming the hockey stick's "shaft", followed by a sharp increase corresponding to the "blade". [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3569604.stm]

The reference is to a BBC web site page in which is clearly says:

The hockey stick was a term coined for a chart of temperature variation over the last 1,000 years, which suggested a recent sharp rise in temperature caused by human activities.

Well, no it isn’t: I can tell you where I was and what I was doing when I probably learned the term hockey stick effect but there is no book, article or web site to send you to. I can guarantee, however, that Jerry Mahlman did NOT invent the term: not in the way stated by the BBC anyway. Of course, if Mahlman coined the phrase pre 1985 or 1984 then fine, I can accept that!

In fact, at the time of starting my analysis of the OBR data expecting to find hockey stick effect evidence, I had never knowingly heard of Mahlman and his hockey stick diagram. Incidentally, here is the diagram Mahlman created:


Source: BBC web site supra

From the fascinating article entitled The rise and fall of the Hockey Stick that I came across this morning, even if you don’t go and read the entire article, take a look at this graphic:



The point of the controversy is, perhaps, best illustrated by the following:

Until the 1990s there were many, many references in scientific and historical literature to a period labelled the Medieval Warm Period (MWP) lasting from about AD 800–1300. It was followed by a much cooler period termed the Little Ice Age. Based on both temperature reconstructions using proxy measures and voluminous historical references it was accepted that the Medieval Warm Period had been a period when global temperatures were a bit hotter than today’s temperatures. Until about the mid-1990s the Medieval Warm Period was for climate researchers an undisputed fact. The existence of the Medieval Warm Period was accepted without question and noted in the first progress report of the IPCC from 1990.

This hockey stick effect diagram became the perceived wisdom once it was published, around 2005. Then two gentlemen came along who seem to have been pure researchers: they were curious. Forget the refusal to share data and the paranoia that followed.

… Steve McIntyre linked up with Ross McKitrick … and … [t]ogether McIntyre and McKitrick began to dig down into the data that Mann had used in his paper and the statistical techniques used to create the single blended average used to make the Hockey Stick. They immediately began to find problems.
… But McIntyre and McKitrick found one major error, an error so big that it invalidated the entire conclusion of the whole paper.
… what Mann had done was blend together lots of different proxy studies of the past climate going back 1,000 years and then produced an average of all these studies and a single graph showing the trend. Clearly the validity of the techniques used to blend together and average the different data from the various different studies was absolutely critical as to the validity of the final conclusions reached and the resulting Hockey Stick graph. This sort of blending of data sets is a very common statistical exercise and there are very well established techniques for undertaking such an exercise … Effectively what Mann’s odd statistical techniques did was to select data that had any sort of Hockey Stick shape and hugely increase its weight in the averaging process. Using Mann’s technique it meant that any data was almost certain to produce a spurious Hockey Stick shape.

I won’t go through the entire paper since I am really interested in the hockey stick effect rather than reopening the climate change debate. However, please go to the web page, linked to here several times and note the comments on Briffa’s work and the article by Mann, Bradley and Hughes, just referred to about simply as Mann.

Nevertheless, consider the following revised view of climate change:


The 20th and 21st centuries are NOT the warmest for 1,000 years and more.

Finally, I am not sure what has happened since McIntyre and McItrick did their work and whether Nobel Laureate Al Gore has revised his film, An Inconvenient Truth. After all, any right thinking person must have thought the same as I did when I saw that film: how can all of his graphs be so perfectly directed to prove something that simply could not be proven? Now we know why!

DW

Oven Trouble

If you have a double oven unit and you would like to bake or roast something make sure you put it in the correct oven otherwise it won't cook too quickly!

Another top tip!

DW

Scotch Pancakes


My mother was Scottish and she was a very good cook: I know, your mother was the best cook ever ... One thing that my mother cooked to perfection was Scotch pancakes and I have never been able to emulate such skill ... until now. I found the perfect recipe for Scotch pancakes the other day and as soon as the first one came out of the pan I knew how good the recipe is. Let me share that recipe now:

Ingredients

makes about 12 pancakes

120 grammes self raising flour
pinch of salt
30 grammes caster sugar
1 egg medium sized
1/4 pint milk
oil/butter for frying (butter burns at high temperatures so be careful although I prefer it)

Mix Flour
  ==> Salt
   ==> Sugar

Whisk Milk
  ==> egg

Combine and mix well Dry Ingredients
  ==> Liquid Ingredients

Get the pan hot and don't be disappointed when the first pancake turns out to be anaemic because it almost certainly will! Then medium heat should be perfect.

Put a little bit of oil (I used a third of a teaspoon) in your pan and then one tablespoon of mix at a time cook the pancakes: you will find after a minute or so bubbles rise and burst in the mix in the pan which is time to turn them over. Cook them again for another minute or whatever it takes ...

Put the cooked pancakes on a plate and cover them with a tea towel until all pancakes are ready ... then eat them with butter, marmalade, golden syrup ... whatever you prefer. In my opinion Scotch pancakes are equally delicious warm or cold.

Side Note: I made and ate six pancakes but there was mix left for four more so I left the mix overnight: don't do that, it doesn't improve I'm afraid.


DW

Don't Trust the Office of budget Responsibility


Don't trust them and here is why ... this is simulcast on Duncan's Diacritical Discussion blog too

It was autumn budget statement time in the House of Commons the other day and the Chancellor of the Exchequer went on and on about how bad it's going to be be for you and me!

Cut a long story short: if you know the HOCKEY STICK EFFECT then what you are about to see will shock you. The OBR data that I have seen and on which the Chancellor's statement and financial policies are based contain many hockey stick effect examples: here are just two.



In case you think I made these two charts up for a joke or for a more nefarious reason, take a look at my excel master.co.uk blog post from earlier today where you will see more evidence and a link to the source of the data I have used: go here ... http://excel2007master.wordpress.com/ and look for the post entitled UK Government Spoke the Words, here is some Excel Analysis.

I think it's possibly shocking and potentially massively damaging for all of us.

DW


1.12.11

As if!

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is the second and final novel by English author Anne Brontë, published in 1848 under the pseudonym Acton Bell.


Consider the likelihood that Anne Bronte even dreamed of putting the following words into one of her characters:


Leave right now!


Hard to believe? Well, just listen to part three of the adaptation of this story by the BBC, currently being aired daily during Woman's Hour.


Why didn't they finish the sentence, I wonder?


Leave right now y'all!


As Ed Reardon says, those 12 year olds at the BBC ...


DW



30.11.11

I Will Not Do That

I had a chat with a former colleague this evening and blah, blah, blah. Then he asked me to rate Muslims versus other people around the world. I asked him why he wanted me to do this and said, well you have worked in several Islamic countries ...

I told him I would never rate or compare religions as I think about and work with people: human beings, not Christians, Muslims, Buddhists ...

I am happy to say he stopped asking me about this idea then.

A few years ago someone asked me about my experiences of working in Africa: what was it like, working with all those black people? I asked, what black people? I said I taught students and worked with colleagues: no black people!

No false labels and enforced divisions, thank you.

DW

27.11.11

School Report

I found my secondary school report this evening too. I thought I had lost this report book many years ago.

The contents of the report book are revelatory!

DW

Deck of Cards

How about this? I was looking through one of the bags of odds and ends that I collected on a holiday in 1992 and found this unopened deck of cards from Cathay Pacific Airways.

DW

Is there Life on Mars? Irrelevant

I may be in a minority but I think the sending of a probe to Mars is a complete irrelevance.

Along with many millions of people across the world I sat up all night and watched the first ever moon landing on television. Of course, we admired the Americans for their achievement and for the next decade or two I believed space exploration was exciting and a worthwhile thing to do.

Recently, I have come to realise space exploration is futile if only for one reason: distance.

It takes us 8 months just to get to Mars let alone the edge of the universe. The distances and time involved in space exploration means that nothing useful can come of it.

I could go on but I won't! Please comment if you disagree and I will happily discuss it further.

DW

26.11.11

Well, Well, Well: it IS working!

Just after I moved house last year I switched on my DVD player only to find that it didn't work. It was a good quality player and I was disappointed. I did nothing about it as I was working away most of the time.

Half an hour ago I decided to take a look at the DVD player again. I thought, I am a meddler so what have I got to lose?

Let me keep a short story short. I am now watching the Shawshank Redemption on my DVD player and very old LG cathode ray tube television!

DW

Dear BBC, I KNOW Where Vienna is

It's happening! On top of all of the tripe that our twelve year olds at the BBC are wont to talk, they have started to use another one.

As you are probably aware, people from the USA will often say, eg, Paris, France or London, England. Now, the reason for that is that in the USA there are MANY cities called Paris so they say Paris, France to ensure the listener is aware that they are NOT talking about Paris, Maryland or Paris, Ohio ... far be it from me to suggest that it's to do with geographical ignorance.

Well, well, well, TWICE today I have heard a BBC reporter or presenter say ... Vienna, Austria. One even said something like Glasgow, Scotland.

Dear BBC, take it from me I KNOW where Vienna is and if ever I did not know the whereabouts of a town or city I could readily find out for myself were I sufficiently motivated to do so.

DW

25.11.11

Local Food: freakinomics article

I read the book Freakinomics when it came out a few tears ago. As far as i know it was the first place to read about drug dealers still having to live with their mothers! Interesting but many of their articles/chapters had racist overtones.

Here is another article of theirs that is hogwash: the Inefficiency of Local Food. Go to www.freakonomics.com to read the article.

These are my responses to that article: I tried to post them on the freakinomics site but their publish button was dead! There are many comments already there and some of them make excellent points too.

Not a good article at all. Several people have also pointed out the idea that local farms are for local food. So potatoes are better grown here rather than there: so what? Let's eat what we can grow and who says that we MUST trade our food with everyone else?

Here's something that I didn't see in this article: the current system encourages food waste. Not only is it very inefficient to produce meat versus grain but we throw away up to a third of all the food we buy anyway. Concentrating our minds on our own needs should help us to consider such waste.

More importantly, though, is the fact that the current system of absentee farming encourages a very large proportion of the population to become obese. As far as I know, obesity has not been factored into this article yet its reach is very wide ranging.

DW

The Twitchiest Girl?

On the flight home: sitting in a seat with extra leg room but the rest of my row was empty. Just minutes to go until the doors are due to be closed. Then swoosh! A family arrived. I am sorry but some babies are just not pretty, looking far too adult than baby like and here was such a baby.

The girl was 7 - 8 years old at a guess and she sat next to me. I have never met a twitchier child in my life. Talk about hyper active! Fortunately she slept much of the way but even then she spread herself and lolled where she wanted to loll!

Happily, the baby was calm and no one died.

DW

24.11.11

William Hague: tweets but no action

I am following William J Hague on twitter and every now and again feel the need to write and ask him something or inform him of something. I am sure he doesn't mind because I am not aggressive or offensive but the man needs help and he does ask for hints and tips from time to time.

He said there's to be a big pow wow on Afghanistan now that the Brits are leaving: I responded that he needs help because there's much more to Afghanistan than the military problems.

Just now he said he's calling former ambassadors and others together to discuss how to make British Embassies dead good. I just wrote and told him about my friend in Riyadh who had a passport/visa problem and was given NO HELP at all from the Brit Embassy. They told him either to go home to the UK or send his passport off to Dusseldorf ... and in a month it would come back. Why Dusseldorf? Is Dusseldorf a suburb of a British city now? Embassy jobs off shored now??

My friend solved his problem, by the way, without having to travel anywhere. You know how he did it? British Ambassador intervened? An Embassy clerk took pity on him? Nope: a SAUDI NATIONAL solved the problem for him.

What's going on in the FCO Mr Hague? Looks like a right mess to me.

DW

Will Self ... dead loss!

Well, he's not going to respond is he: this oh so smart Mr Will Self who cannot put his money where his mouth is.

Then again, my blog postings on this man come up on google immediately after Self's own entries ... I come in at umber 5 or 6 or so, page one! At least the world can read what he said v what he does!

No offence Mr Self but we deserve better.

DW


22.11.11

Pork Belly in Macau

Sophie Grigson was sent off to Macau to look at the place and no doubt ruin some good food ingredients. Grigson is a television cook who trades on her mother's name and she has no knife skills at all.

She just went to an up market restaurant and said the fish dish she was served was delicious. Hmm, this explains her ever spreading girth. The dish was riddled with butter, olive oil (in Chinese cooking!!!); the risotto (in Chinese cooking!!!) was sloppy and the fish was burned.

Then again, Macau looks interesting!!

DW

20.11.11

There is an App for that!

There I was snoozing away when an alarm went off. I couldn't quite work out where the noise was coming from but it lasted only a short time.

Then it went off again later. And again ...

It was a clock with an auto alarm to announce prayer times.

Forgive me but I took the batteries out and put them back in the wrong way round.

Peace again!!

DW

Had Haway Jimmy, man

I never met the man and nor should I have I suppose but one man who made life happy for a few years has just died.

I never saw him as a player either and that was my loss.

Jimmy Adamson was the manager at Burnley for several years and during that time I watched the best football I have ever seen, week in and week out.

I was a regular supporter at Roker Park from 1979 - 1988 too but they never shone like Adamson's Burnley side much as I was happy to go there every home game for all those years.

Well done Jimmy, many thousands of people will remember you with a great deal of fondness.

DW


Had Haway Jimmy, man

I never met the man and nor should I have I suppose but one man who made life happy for a few years has just died.

I never saw him as a player either and that was my loss.

Jimmy Adamson was the manager at Burnley for several years and during that time I watched the best football I have ever seen, week in and week out.

I was a regular supporter at Roker Park from 1979 - 1988 too but they never shone like Adamson's Burnley side much as I was happy to go there every home game for all those years.

Well done Jimmy, many thousands of people will remember you with a great deal of fondness.

DW


18.11.11

Sepp Blatter

How did this man, Sepp Blatter, get the biggest job in Football Administration and, more importantly, keep it: in spite of professed and demonstrated ineptitude?

I have been told that if you go to FIFA headquarters you will find Blatter's relatives working there and you will find Blatter's neighbours from his tiny home village in Switzerland working there too.

His recent analysis of racism in football is one of his ineptitudes but someone keeps electing him back to the job.

Finally, I saw David Beckham on the television today and whilst I admire him as a footballer, his arms are just a pathetic mess with all of their tattoos: what on earth is he thinking?

DW

Technocrats and Lame Ducks

If another reporter says that the Italian and Greek political leaders are technocrats, I'll heave a boot at the telly. They are NOT the only leaders ever to have worked in the appropriate business or to be qualified appropriately for the job in hand. Except in the UK, of course, where Strictly Come Politics and the X Bodger seem to help us to recruit our politicians.

Let's run a competition: I think it's Presidential election time in the USA next year. When do you think the first stupid journalist will tag obama as a lame duck president. Four years ago it was in January or February 2009 ... very early in the campaign.

DW

17.11.11

Reggie Perrin ...

I watched a couple of films on my flight over to Dubai and then sought to change the tempo a little bit by listening to some music and then watching a television programme.

No offence intended but the majority of the television programmes they have on Emirates' ICE system are American so I looked for something British. I found REGGIE PERRIN. I found it hard to believe that they would revive such an idiosyncratic programme albeit one that was iconic in its own way at the time it first went out.

It started ... it was MODERN! A revival! Martin Clunes appeared as Perrin. Interesting, I thought. Was it any good? The lads in the office were nowhere near as good as the likes of John Baron, the MD Then former MD.

I didn't spot any of the classic one liners like, I didn't get where you are today without ...

I think the flashbacks were not of the mother in law and they were not of a Hippopotamus!

Was it funny? Hmm! A bit.

I only saw one episode so I cannot really judge too harshly or be to effusive in my praise.

Was it worth reviving? I don't know how many episodes they have made and whether they started with the fall ...

DW

Nice Story from Afghanistan

Please find time to read this article from The Times today.

There's some good to come out of the place from time to time.

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/life/article3227704.ece

DW

16.11.11

Pudding and a Crossword!

Decided I would have a pud: fruit dumplings with Mango sauce.

Now relaxing with The Times crossword!

DW

Thai Green Curry

At the Noodle House again and enjoying a Thai Green Curry. See photos!!

DW

15.11.11

Dubai Metro Ineptitude

I am finding it very difficult to buy tickets from the machines on the Dubai Metro. I am sure it's simple but in the last three days I have bought an illegal ticket, a single instead of a double and a two station ticket when I wanted an all zones ticket.

Luckily this is not London so I am not losing a King's ransom but I need help!!

DW

PS I am on the Metro again and after waiting ages for the couple in front of me to buy their two tickets, I impressed myself with my efficiency by knowing what to press and how to pay. I did it correctly.

However, after I had gone through the barrier I noticed the I had been given a ONE zone instead of an ALL zones ticket.

If you know the ticket machines here you will know that the one zone button and the all zones buttons are NOT next to each other and I could not have pressed one instead of all and I did not!

So, I lost another 50 pence or so!! All in a good cause.

DW

Incredible but True

Just saw three Russian women going into a fashion shop and they set off the alarm going IN!

Scary

DW

Emporio Armani Caffe: Mall of the Emirates

I spotted this caffe last night but only after I had already eaten, so I returned this evening!

I have just ordered minestrone soup and some pasta I have never heard of, beginning with M! There will be porcini mushrooms and black truffle with the pasta.

Because I am not in a wifi zone, this message will contain my thoughts on the food as well as this anticipatory note!

The Verdict

The soup was a little heavy and more potato than minestrone. Earlier in the day it could be good.

The pasta was excellent: the pasta beginning with M was a kind of lasagne but much thinner. The mushroom flavour was strong, just as I like it and I would have that again at any time.

Tea time now: Armani black tea with ylang ylang and orange flowers! Very nice it is too. I have been given a small pot so let's see how good the second cup is. In terms of colour, the second cup is much darker than the first one. The orange is more pronounced in the second cup and there is a hint, just a hint, of bitterness behind it too. A nice cuppa!

The caffe was not crowded but there were enough customers to make life a little interesting!


DW

14.11.11

You Could not do that in X

There I was on the metro, minding my own business when a man in a black shirt came and stood near me. So far so good. Then he asked me if only women could get off the train through this exit ... motions towards the door nearest to us.

I say, it's fine and when he said he'd been barred from entering another carriage I pointed out the women and children only privilege.

At that point my reaction on hearing about that privilege was to accept and understand that I am somewhere different from home.

This chap said, "Whoa! In X the liberals would have a field day with that one."

I wished that Lisbeth Salander had been with me to deal with this man!

We got off at the same station and he introduced himself with a look that said, "Hey, buddy ..." An error on my part got me out of a fix. I used the ticket machine at the station for the first time and made a right Horlicks of it. It cost me what turned out to be an AED8.5 fine and another AED4.5 for the return trip on top of the AED8 I innocently but wrongly paid for what I thought was the correct fare.

My new buddy left me to it!

What put me off this chap, apart from his silly remark on segregated carriages, was that as we were talking he showed no interest in my responses (I know, who does?!) AND half way through a sentence he started talking to someone else.

There you are! I dined alone as I had intended to do all along!

DW

13.11.11

Watch The Guard

If you like Irish humour and police/detective stories then watch the film The Guard.

A lugubrious main character is the worldly wise Sergeant Boyle. He takes on all comers: a sidekick who has a secret but who meets a grisly fate; and an FBI agent who is taken for a ride by the locals.

Many priceless moments but one of the best us when a ne'er do well taken in for questioning asks if a murder victim corpse has made a complaint against him!! Seeing's believing.

Good one!

DW

10.11.11

Better to Remember it this way!

The tree below looked so beautiful on 30th October 2011. I drove past it today and it is almost entirely devoid of leaves now: I did not take a photo of it today!

P1010309_crop

DW

Ready for a Fiesta?

I have just planted an apple tree in my garden: Fiesta variety.

All I need now is for the tree to grow and for lots of bees to pollinate the thing.

We had several fruit trees in our garden in Oxfordshire and we got some wonderful produce: apples and plums especially.

Here is the tree today:

I AM a number!

If you go to the BBC web site you will find out where in the 7 billion people list of humanity you are and where in the list of people who have ever lived you are.

My results are:

When I was born, I was the 2,643,427,345th person alive on Earth

I was the 75,917,780,258th person to have lived since history began

Go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-15391515 

All figures are estimates of course but I’m glad to know that

 

DW

9.11.11

Another Mushroom Winner

I love mushrooms and hope this will become a favourite if yours too. All quantities are flexible!

Tablespoon of oil and a knob of butter
Half a medium sized onion finely chopped
Half a medium green pepper finely sliced
Six medium sized shiitake mushrooms sliced as thick as you like
Three or four tablespoons of sour cream
Tablespoon finely chopped coriander leaves
Seasoning to taste

Heat the oil and butter over a medium heat in a small, lidded saucepan
Sweat the onions in the oil and butter
Add the green pepper and cook for a minute
Add the mushrooms, stir thoroughly then close the pan lid
Cook on a medium heat for 3 - 4 minutes, stirring once or twice, by which times the mushrooms should be cooked
Add sour cream, stir and heat through
Add chopped coriander leaves and stir through

Ta daa! Done!

Eat on its own, as a side dish or eat with a fresh and crusty baguette ...

DW

7.11.11

Strictly not Watching

I got back to my hotel room fairly early on Saturday evening and settled down in front of the telly.

I faced a dilemma ... Strictly Come Dancing was about to start: watch or not watch?

I have seen this programme before and unlike that oaf Ed Balls MP who claims to love it, I was NOT enraptured by it at all.

In seconds I decided that the sight of the old has been Russell Grant wobbling across my screen was far too much for me. As for the rest, I think I had not heard of any of them, Minogue excepted.

No contest: I turned over to watch BBC Two and an excellent arts programme. I stayed with BBC Two all evening.

DW

Autumn Leaves

I don't know who or what you have to be if you cannot swoon at the sight of Autumn leaves falling from their trees and lying as golden carpets beneath.

Like this ... St James' Park, Limehouse, London ...

DW

5.11.11

Non Wired!

I am having a pot of tea in M&S Marble Arch. The lady at the table next to mine has a basket full of things including one that says 'Non Wired' on the side of its box.

Wireless mouse? Bluetooth keyboard? Mobile phone headset?

No! Back to the good old days: it's a bra!!!

DW

Tent City at St Paul's

I took a stroll down to St Paul's Cathedral today to see the erstwhile tent city ... putative anti capitalist statement. I didn't go round to Paternoster Square to see if there were any more tents there. There are not that many tents, ugly as the ones I saw are. I saw one archetypal tie dye/dreadlock type, the sort of person often to be found swanning around the Far East with no objective in mind except sloth and hiding from reality.

I went to see and to take photos: I did both.

My reaction is that we are just too soft on these people by leaving them there. On the other hand some of what they say is right: not Mr Tie Dye, however!

When I was prevented from flying to Bangkok from Singapore because of the Red Shirt sit in there three years ago, I asked a taxi driver in Singapore what he thought about that sit: he replied, we would find them work.

These squatters would say that's the point, there is no work ... but listen carefully, the taxi driver said WORK not a job.

On the other hand, I believe these people are in the wrong place. They've been bought off by a donation from Barclays. Lots of city types have donated small sums of cash to the squatters too. Go and squat where the capitalists work or live, not outside a church. I understand your marketing strategy of course!

Where is the anger over torture of Afghans by Afghans? Why are they not squatting outside the Zimbabwe Embassy over the crimes against humanity perpetrated there? How about finding their way to helping the flooded of Thailand Mr Tie Dye?

Go and squat in Shar E Naw and argue with the Taliban and try to give hope to Afghanistan.

What about the tens of thousands of pensioners in Georgia who had half of their pensions stolen month after month? They needed your help too.

As my Maths teacher used to say: RAWW: right answer, wrong workings!!

DW

2.11.11

Middle Age Creaks!

I found that suddenly I had a persistent pain just above my left elbow a couple of weeks ago. It took me a while realise it was mobile phone elbow.

That is, holding my arm in a fixed position for extended periods as I read and responded to emails and texts ... and too old not to suffer without having limbered up first!

I realised the problem and set about getting rid of it: job done!

The older we get the more we need to think about moving, not moving ... we DO suffer such creaks!

The other night I woke with terrible chest pains: middle the night, dying time! I realised I was sleeping on TWO pillows. I NEVER sleep on two pillows and my body was adjusting to something new!

Get ready old dears!

DW

22.10.11

Photographer Recognition!

The Today programme on BBC Radio 4 asked for volunteers to send photos of dry stone walls for them to upload onto its site yesterday and I duly obliged. I received a call from them to say my photo had been chosen, along with a few others to be uploaded.

Here it is: http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9621000/9621273.stm

My photo is photo number seven: you will see my name on it!

Here is the real thing too:


DW

21.10.11

Lardless

I am happy to say that after just a few weeks I have lost a few kilogrammes in weight. More to go though and I am doing my best!

DW

16.10.11

Getting Going ...

I got back from Dubai early on Friday morning and Friday was essentially a write off: bit of sleep, bit of shopping ...

Yesterday was the normal day two: largely inactive catching up on things, cooking and not getting stressed.

Today, Sunday, I have decided I will be active: I need some shelves in my office and last night I decided to take apart the bed/chair that I built a few years ago and convert the word into shelves. Good wood, will look good. I will tidy up the small shelves that are already in the office.

I will be happy to be active and there is an article I have started to write: learning/teaching in Kabul, what we did to improve the educational experience of Afghan students in the areas of Accounting, Management and ICT. Worth waiting for!

DW

15.10.11

Are you Kidding?

I got home from Dubai early this morning and after pottering about for a while, went to bed to catch up on some sleep. At 1:30 pm the phone rang: at the other end was someone who introduced himself as representing an organisation which would save me money on all sorts of things. I listened politely as I was genuinely interested.

After a while this man asked me for my credit card details but I said I won’t give him them. So he said, give me your bank account details and we won’t take anything for a week: I said I never do that over the phone.

When he got the message that I would not be ready to hand over all of my banking details nem con, he just put the phone down on me!

I am sure this person will convince many people to hand over their cash but I won’t go on their list.

DW

10.10.11

The Will Self Challenge ANOTHER Update

I will try not to be emotive but a couple of weeks ago, Will Self, some sort of hack, was in his cups on BBC Newsnight and at the end of his time on there he was allowed to say that if only they would give him the £9 billion that they are spending on the London Olympics, he would create more jobs than the Olympics.

I have finally got round to writing to Mr Self today and I have asked him how his job creation plans are going, vitally needed as they are at this time in the UK's business and economic cycle.

Should Self deign to reply I will post his responses here.

UPDATE as at 14th October 2011: no response so far. I'll remind him later!

UPDATE as at 20th October 2011:. I wrote again to Self following a rant of his on Radio 4 on Sunday morning but no reply. I'll give him one more chance and then think of another tack if that fails.

UPDATE as at 10th November 2011: I have written twice since I last reported back here and this shameless man will not put his money where his mouth is. He brazenly told the British people that he could provide many more jobs for £9 billion than the 2012 Olympic organisation can but he will not develop it further when someone calls his bluff. What a chancer and thank God I have never bought any of his publications so he is not getting fat or buying his fags and wine on my money.

DW

Come off it Dr Fox

Liam Fox is the UK's Defence Secretary. He has been caught helping his best friend by taking him with him on a variety of trips and jollies around the world. This includes attending meetings with various senior businessmen and politicians. Now, maybe Mr Wettery likes to be associated with the high flying people but I suspect something less savoury. I suspect that this man has managed to get himself in the front of some very senior decision makers free of charge and without any barriers. No doubt we will find that Wettery is a businessman himself and he has been chasing deals as he was feted by Fox and others. These people really think nothing of abusing their positions to get on in life. I think Faux Prime Minister Cameron will be ready to sacrifice Fox, against his fondest desires. These people will never learn!!! DW

9.10.11

The Perils of Sitting TOO Still

As children we are hyperactive and can't sit still for long. I know there are fears for modern children who are dumping themselves in front of television and computer screens and who are far too sedentary. However, as we get older we really can sit still ... the twitching stops, the jumping up and down to see who just walked past the house stops and the walk to the telephone is not needed any more!!! So, older people are settled as if we are living out our parents' dreams! There is a price to pay for this inactivity. Are you aware that piles (haemorrhoids) can be brought on or exacerbated by sitting still too long? Other pressure points in the same general seating area can suffer the same fate. Learn to go for a long walk every day. Drink more, not alcohol either. Eat more fruit and veg. More than that, learn to recognise the differencet between a pressure sore and an infection. If you've got a pressure sore that's not to serious, learn to cure it yourself: walking, drinking ... Buy a cushion, stand rather than sit from time to time, walk rather than sit from time to time. DW

Welcome to my iPad 2

If you are in the UK you will a most certainly be asleep now. If you are in Dubai, as I am, you will probably be asleep still. It is early, Well, anyway, here I am having taken the plunge: I bought a iPad 2. Suddenly I got the chance to try one properly and saw several advantages to them. Here we are! I should be back to blogging here more often again rather than sending everything to the increasingly scary Facebook. DW

27.9.11

To Sleep, Perchance to Sleep far too long!

Got home around 9:30 am yesterday after my Far East Holiday and pottered about with coffee, unpacking, emails etc and then had something to eat.

At around 1 pm I went to bed for a LIE DOWN ... 10 hours later, I woke up! Doh! I normally sleep for 2 - 3 - 4 hours on return but 10 hours? Never done that before.

So, I have been awake since 11 pm. The good part is that I finished The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest: book three of the fantastic Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson.

At 5 am I will go to the supermarket! Never done that before either … shopping so early!!

DW

8.9.11

Tip for Travellers

If you decide to have a bowl of cereal for breakfast do NOT spill milk down your shirt and trousers at the  very beginning of your journey.

DW

30.8.11

I might be Interested but it has to be a two way Street!

I came home from holiday phase one today and as we were sitting on the tarmac at Schipol Airport, the man next to me asked me, "Where are you coming from then?" I told him and he then announced that he was returning home from Indonesia where his son has been teaching English as a foreign language for a year.

Normally, I sit on aeroplanes and keep myself to myself. Sometimes I have sat next to old people, especially, who seem to be a bit befuddled and I might talk to them. If someone talks to me, I will reply.

So, this chap told me about his trip, he listened politely to some of what I said in return but once he was satisfied that I knew about his son and their trip to Indonesia, he got his book out and started reading!

That's FYI, people!

DW

29.8.11

Red Bean and Vegetable Stew

Every now and then I come across or even create some excellent food: this dish is one of those moments. Try it, adapt it as you wish and then enjoy it … no meat, no fuss, very little cost!

Ingredients

  • 1 medium sized onion, halved then sliced
  • two medium sized carrots, sliced
  • 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
  • 6 - 8 button mushrooms, sliced or chopped or left whole
  • can of chopped tomatoes (optional)
  • two medium sized potatoes, each cut into 8 - 10 pieces
  • can of red kidney beans
  • tomato paste/puree
  • seasoning
  • oil for frying

Method

heat the oil to medium heat and throw in the garlic: allow them to cook for a few seconds to release their flavour and then add the onions and carrots. let these cook until the onions are soft and see through

add mushrooms and potatoes, stir and cook for a further few minutes, to heat the potatoes through a little

add two heaped teaspoons of tomato paste and the entire can of beans, juices included

then quickly add the entire can of chopped tomatoes with additional boiling water if needed OR boiling water, to cover all of the ingredients then bring the pan to the boil*

put a lid on your pan/pot now and reduce the temperature to low to cook the stew on simmer for as long as it takes to cook the potatoes at which point the stew is ready

season to taste

*at this stage and as an alternative, you could put the stew in the oven on medium heat to cook the potatoes if you wish and that will enhance the flavour but extend the cooking time

This stew takes 15 minutes or so to prepare and about the same to cook, on the hob, longer in the oven. The stew is a meal in itself and will serve 2 - 4 people depending on which meal of the day and appetites. Crusty buttered bread goes well with it!

DW

26.8.11

Cricket: the definition

Me (as the news of England's mammoth victory over India and elevation back to world's number one status came in): Do you know anything about cricket?

Friend (female, not British): There's a team, a big stick and a ball. That's it!

Me: I see.

Isn't that the simplest definition of cricket you have ever seen?

DW

25.8.11

How to Make Chips ... PROPERLY

I watched a few episodes of a cookery programme by a chef turned cookery writer the other week. This man made appealing food and seemed to be a good and confident cook. He is NOT one of these artificial, ne'er do well, cooks from Yorkshire who says everything's lovely and it's his granny's recipe!!

However, Simon ... he's from Bury and called Simon can you believe ... extolled the virtues of double fried chips. My response to that? Tosh, utter tosh! Jack Locke would be turning in his grave if ever he heard that people said the perfect chip is the double fried chip.

Here is the ONLY way to make perfect chips, with or without a chip pan or deep fat fryer. Prepare the chips in the way you prefer (thin, thick, peeled or unpeeled ...) and bring your chosen fat to the correct temperature. Bring the fat back to the correct temperature as it WILL have cooled as the chips have been added. NOW, immediately reduce the temperature to low and cook the chips until they become soft, i.e. cooked. THEN turn the temperature high again and the fat will bubble with joy. Cook now until the chips are as brown and crisp as YOU like them. Bear in mind that the chips will turn brown very quickly so be careful not to overcook them.

THIS will give you perfect chips!

That's not to say that double fried chips aren't any good, maybe they are; but my method, culled from standing in the queue in Locke's chip shop as a child and watching how Jack made the perfect chip shop chip, is the ONLY way. I would guess that no chip shop worth its salt ever double fries its chips! Well, maybe that nancy cook from Yorkshire's granny did!

DW

17.8.11

Ironing: the laws

Here are some laws of ironing that I know everyone knows but maybe they haven’t been shared until now:

1 The crease that you accidentally iron in the wrong place will never come out

a) until the next time the garment is washed if it is a minor item of clothing
b) if the garment and the place on the garment where the crease is made is of strategic significance

2 The crease that you deliberately iron into a sleeve or a trouser leg is volatile and can be removed in a simple hiss of steam and will drop out almost immediately the garment is worn

3 The amount of water needed to complete your ironing with a standard (ie not travelling) steam iron is governed by the irritability law of ironing

wn = 0.25l + 1.35KgC

where:
wn = water needed
l = litre
KgC = litres per kilogrammes of clothes to be ironed

4 The temperature setting on an iron can be left at for all things worn by males

5 The temperature setting on an iron is infinitely variable for all things worn by females

6 The corollary of rule 5 is that no male can ever understand and effectively apply rule 5

7 The amount of training required to iron clothes properly is in inverse proportion to the amount of training actually received.

I am sure there are many more of these laws and would love to hear them!

DW

12.8.11

Submerged … and under water too!

I heard this on the radio this morning:

they … submerged speakers … actually under the water

Midge Ure
Radio 4 at 11:31 am
11th August 2011
The Art of Water Music

DW

8.8.11

Too old to complain?

I need to write about this and send it to the BBC but if I did they would reply and tell me that I am too old and that they are aiming at a younger audience.

Fine!

Anyway, I just watched a “comedy” programme from the BBC on my laptop and the compere introduced each “act” by saying, “Give it up for X …” I know and you know that no one knows what on earth it means to give it up for someone or something. So,

Dear BBC … let’s have people speaking English on the BBC please.

In fact, I think I’ll start an ePetititon for that.

DW

If you enjoy a rant … have a ruddy good go!

I seem to remember that Gordon Brown got involved in this big society idea; and of course fell foul of it.

They’ve done it again and it’s a winner in my opinion. Take yourself along to this web site: http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk and click on view all petitions then start reading.

As I am reading down the list, sad to say that many of the petitions have earned just one vote. You start a debate on a matter of importance to you and you vote for it. You then wait for 99,999++ other people to agree with you at which point your idea MIGHT attract some parliamentary interest.

Of course I am reading them to see what kind of rants are getting through. Here’s an entertaining one entitled Reduce number of anti social 4x4s, started by Alex Gordon and you’ve only got until 7th August 2012 to vote for it or it will die, presumably. I won’t do any canvassing on the 4x4 rant but Gordon has a three point plan to do with 4x4s. For example, “3. Permit local councils to dictate all 4x4s registered in their area to be painted vibrant colours (eg bright pink) with slogans (eg I can’t help being selfish, sorry) and to ban very dark windows.”

Now’s your chance to get involved.

DW

7.8.11

Gone for a Walk!

After having spent so much time locked away in a guest house in Afghanistan, it is vital that I get my body as fit as possible again. Since some clown stole my car a few years ago I have been carless: that helps to get the pins moving as I have to walk everywhere.

So, on Friday, I trusted the weather forecast and set off from home to walk to Ogden Water in Halifax. The weather was pretty good but even though it's early August, I did the right thing to wear a pullover and shirt as well as taking a coat with me.

I  made a mistake by not checking my camera battery the night before: I had charged the battery over the weekend so was completely surprised to find the battery totally drained as I tried to take my first photo!

After that, I had an ordnance survey map with me and referred to it frequently: good practice and good safety I'd say. As a second safety device, I checked that my phone was working from time to time ... and it wasn't always working! There are black spots in phone coverage. However, the only black spot I found was at Ogden Water itself; and there were other people there!! So no damage done.

I spent a total of four hours on the hoof altogether and was absolutely warn out by the time I got home at 3 pm.

I had a long hot shower as soon as I got in as I was dripping in sweat: really, my shirt and pullover were drenched! I lay on the bed after the shower and fell asleep. A good day but there are so many hills and the terrain can be rough that the work was hard!

I was dreading Saturday but my legs had stood up well (pun intended!) and I walked to the supermarket and back and while I am no longer a whippet like young chap, it went well.

Today, Sunday, I can walk up and down stairs without dragging myself with the aid of the bannister!

I want to take another walk today but it is persistently tipping it down!

Remember, I couldn't use my good camera but my phone camera did quite well ...






You'll find many more photos and a video on my Facebook page ... why not hurtle over there now?
DW


24.7.11

So that's where it went ...

When you are completely flummoxed as to where you put that blender, don't forget to look at that box on the balcony outside the kitchen: the balcony that's open to the elements, wind, rain, hail, snow ...

That's a top tip.

DW