8.8.09

Microsoft to the Rescue and The Power of Two Monitors

Microsoft Saves the Day

Strange but true but for a reason I have yet to fathom, my OCR software has stopped working and it seems impossible to reinstall it. So, I NEEDED an OCR solution. The knight in shining armour was the Microsoft Document Scanning and Imaging software. Now, it's not the best but after a couple of trial pages I have to say that it was a breeze to use and has then allowed me to scan in and edit 16 pages of text without too much stress.

Two Monitor Solution

I told you the other week that I have been using a two monitor configuration at home and that is continuing apace. The biggest triumph so far is that I am sat here in my office working away and watching the Ashes cricket at the same time. Not a wall to wall size image but plenty big enough since it is only about two feet from my eyes.

DW

5.8.09

Is it Obligatory?

Do the contestants on Master Chef on the BBC really think that by repeating that they are passionate makes them automatic selections for the big prize?

Rank amateurs being given the impression they can become a master chef as a result of a competition is another one of television's nonsense ideas.

DW


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Dreamweaver and Adobe Magic

I am easily pleased! I have just edited my first page using Adobe/Dreamweaver's InContext Editing utility. Very smart and ideal for me. I am really aiming at a CMS based site but have had no luck with a PHP based version so with this I have taken one more step on the road.

My new website, the site for my new Excel 2007 book, will be up and running soon and that WILL be CMS style: put together by yours truly using Dreamweaver and the SiteAssist extension.

DW

The Lady MacDonald: what a pleasure

I have just watched a cookery programme hosted by Claire MacDonald of MacDonald: the Lady MacDonald. What a pleasure! A cook who is confident and who knows what she is doing. Although she mainly cooked non vegetarian food, it wasn't difficult to appreciate the quality of the food she was preparing.

One other feature that caught my attention was her language: excellent! A good grasp of grammar and vocabulary. Never once did she say, "Look at that" as she dragged something ghastly from a pan or the oven: she left that to the likes of James Martin and Ainsley Harriet.

She used the word amalgamate, for example and, unlike Gary Rhodes, never even hinted that some creme fraiche was "happening" in the mousse.

Well done the Lady MacDonald! A pleasure to watch.

DW

4.8.09

Have they come?

I had a stir fry of sorts from the Flaming Wok in the food court near to the hotel and whilst the food was tolerable, I can hardly report that the wok was flaming.

I wanted the veg combo but was told that they didn't have one of the ingredients so I had to make do with a cabbage dish and an aubergine dish together with the pretty good noodles.

Now, I have never been a fan of aubergines except inside an excellent mousaka and I have to say that I was prepared to give the stuff a go. It was ghastly! My problem with cooked aubergines is that they are slimey. Slithery and slimey. No thanks. Sorry to say they went in the bin.

As I was eating my food I sat opposite another fast food outlet and saw, to my surprise and delight, a food that I have only previously seen on sale in Kuala Lumpur outside of the UK. Now, I know these food items can be bought elsewhere but I haven't been there yet! What could it be that we love in the UK, they clearly love in Kuala Lumpur and that they can buy (not sure they love them to the same extent, you see) here in Dubai?

There is a clue in the title of this post!! It's a bit cryptic but if you can crack the code I will buy you one of these if ever we meet!

DW

3.8.09

Hobby Horse again!

They've just been advertising Shark Month on National Geographic and I thought, hmm, that could be good.

Then they showed a silly young woman in a diving suit under water who said, "It's amazing!"

Think I'll give it a miss now, then. Otherwise I'd spend the month on some kind of "amazing" count.

Just my foible, don't worry.

DW

1.8.09

Foggy Skies in Dubai and Coordinated Fish

Murky Skies

It's been a bit murky here in Dubai over the last few days. In spite of the forecast for today it still is. There is a lot of dust in the atmosphere apparently so whilst it is hot outside, it appears to be overcast and a bit murky.

Coordinated fish

This is one reason why I could never be an interior designer. I went to a restaurant yesterday and not only were walls, furnishing and floorings all really attractively coordinated but so were the fish in the aquarium. Now, I would probably never have thought of that!

30.7.09

Brunch? Not in Yorkshire!

I just realised something the other day. Brunch is an acceptable word now, of course, but it really doesn't fit in Yorkshire.

Since Yorkshire folk have breakfast, dinner and tea, we combine breakfast and dinner into BRINNER.

You heard it here first!

By the way, did you see that dolt on one of those BBC cookery programmes who said that brunch shouldn't be too heavy or it will ruin your lunch! Where do they get these people?

DW

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Night Time's a Good Time Apparently

Corwin's Quest on Animal Planet

That TV wildlife type just said night time is the perfect time to see some of Australia's nocturnal creatures.

Really? How amazing.

DW

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24.7.09

Wrong Day for Someone and an Upgrade

The Wrong Day

I joined the check in queue at Manchester Airport as there was a man already checking in. Based on my history of queuing experiences I was not overly worried at the time he was taking. But he had his laptop on the counter and switched on. He had his mobile phone glued to his ear.

After a while he left with all of his bags. Apparently he isn't due to travel until tomorrow! Now, let me be unkind and ask was he too keen to escape something OR very keen to reach somewhere? Just asking!

Upgrade

When I got to the gate I became the cause of a hold up. I wasn't worried but the KLM lady scurried around quite a bit for quite a while. When she came back she told me I had been upgraded to Business Class.

I am NOT ungrateful because I got a sandwich rather than a packet of TUC biscuits. However, I am now praying for an upgrade on the next leg: considerably longer than the 50 minute flight to Amsterdam!! Praise be!

DW


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Swine Flu and BBC News

On the six o'clock news this evening the health correspondent said that the new government flu pandemic web site had opened this afternoon with hits of 2,600 per second. The reporter said that was AT THE RATE OF around 9 million an hour.

In the 8 o'clock news summary on BBC 1 they said there had been 9 million hits on the flu website in the first hour.

Where is the editorial control at the BBC I wonder?

DW


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23.7.09

My Spreadsheet Book

A few people are asking me about the progress of my latest book: working title is Spreadsheeting with Mr Sprite.

Good news: I have completed around 7 or 8 chapters now and have carried out my research and preparations for a few more. The book is aimed at Excel 2007 and is a comprehensive introduction to it. More than that, it includes a number of practical examples that people can use as templates for real life work. I am collaborating on part of the book with a manpower planning specialist (the world's number one, no less) and he is giving me material and ideas for what to include in that section.

I am aware that Microsoft is within a year or so of releasing Excel 2010 so I am keen to ensure I get in well ahead of that deadline!

Here is the current contents page ... subject to change. If YOU would like me to include something that you cannot see here, please write to me and I will consider all suggestions. duncan at duncanwil dot co dot uk ... please interpret that! I get enough spam in my inbox so don't want to encourage any more.

Contents

Part One: Introductory

1 Basics

  • Introduction
  • Pencil and Paper
  • Basic Functionality
  • The Ribbon
  • Screen Resolution
  • Minimise the Ribbon
  • The Quick Access Toolbar: the QAT
  • Basic Rules
  • Add Subtract Multiply Divide
  • More Complex Calculations
  • Try it!
  • Built in Functions: SUM ... AVERAGE ... MIN ... MAX
  • Auto Fill
  • Auto Fill Menu
  • Formatting Cells
  • Moving Around your Workbook
  • Changing Column and Row Sizes
  • Moving a Column or Row
  • Formatting Text
  • Cell Border
  • Try it!
  • Consolidation Exercise
  • Selecting non Contiguous Ranges
  • Why Select Non contiguous Ranges?
  • Print Areas
  • Transposing Data
  • Cell and Range Addressing
  • Range Names

2 Charting

  • Introduction
  • The Rules of Charting
  • Setting up a Chart the Easy Way: the F11 key
  • Default Chart Change
  • Creating a Template Char
  • Embedding a Chart with the Chart Wizard
  • Embedding by Moving
  • Titles and Axes Labels
  • Copy Charts: make clones an move them
  • Other Charts
  • Category Axis Contains Labels from Three Columns
  • Conditional Colours
  • Waterfall Chart
  • Create a Stacked Column Chart
  • Finished Waterfall Chart
  • Alternatives
  • Percentage Waterfall Chart
  • Radar Chart
  • Self Expanding Chart
  • Excel 2007 Solution 1
  • Excel 2007 Solution 2a
  • Excel 2007 Solution 2b
  • Selecting Data from a Combo Box
  • Spreadsheet Allowing the User to Highlight Alternative Scenarios
  • Table and Chart Selection Including a Combobox
  • Charts with Scroll Bars
  • Basic Chart and Rates of Change Chart
  • Ten year financial review of a company
  • Double Vertical Axes
  • Additional Charting Exercises
  • Text to Columns
  • Deriving Values from Published Charts
  • Dashboards
  • More Advanced Chart

3 Introduction to Pivot Tables

  • Introduction
  • Definition of a Pivot Table
  • Why you need a Pivot Table
  • Example PTs
  • Copying a Pivot Table
  • A Copy of a PT is a Clone of a PT
  • Copying your PT
  • Changing Sum of to Average of to Count of ...
  • Moving a Field from Row to Column
  • Drag and Move Within the PT
  • Drag and move the chosen field within the Task Pane
  • Filtering a Field
  • Sorting a Pivot Table
  • Formatting Fields
  • Calculated Fields
  • Drilling Down
  • Calculated Item
  • Other Calculated Item Features
  • Adjusting the Formula
  • More Complex Formulas
  • Forecasting with a Calculated Item
  • Values
  • Show Values As
  • Grouping PT Data
  • Starting or Setting up a PT
  • The Grouping Process
  • When Grouping is a Problem
  • Pivot Chart
  • Formatting a Pivot Chart
  • A Pivot Chart with a Data Table
  • Formatting
  • Page Fields
  • Multiple Page Fields
  • Reporting with Page Fields
  • Pivot Table from an External Source
  • Part Two: Data Analysis

4 Pivot Tables 2

  • Expense account analysis
  • Double entry bookkeeping
  • Trial balance
  • Final accounts/reports

5 Ratio and Other Company Analysis

  • Ratio analysis of company information ranging from the simple to the complex
  • Common size statements
  • Growth ratios in ratio analysis
  • Z Score analysis
  • Using the ToolPak Add-In that comes with Excel
  • Descriptive statistics
  • Histograms
  • Correlation analysis
  • Ordinary least squares (regression) analysis
  • There is a database of company data to accompany this chapter and the detail of the chapter will refer to that database throughout.

6 Statistical Analysis

  • This chapter enhances the work started in chapter 5 above and includes
  • t statistic
  • Standard Error
  • P Value
  • F statistics
  • Confidence intervals
  • Multiple regression analysis
  • The relevant range
  • Chi square test
  • Non parametric tests
  • The Box and Whisker Plot
  • More Useful functions for analysis
  • INDIRECT
  • INDEX
  • OFFSET
  • MATCH

Part Three: Decision Making

7 Behaviour of Costs

  • Splitting costs into their fixed and variable elements
  • MINVERSE
  • MMULT
  • Non linear costs
  • The linear treatment of costs: true and fair?

8 Cost Volume Profit Analysis

  • Building on the work of chapter 1 of this part of the book, we will now explore the practical application of the behaviour of costs under the heading of cost volume profit or break even analysis

9 Marginal Costing and Decision Making

  • Continuing with the theme of the behaviour of costs and the application of it to management accounting situations, in this chapter we explore how a knowledge of marginal costs can be used in decision making.

10 Traditional and Activity based costing

  • Traditional overhead analysis: absorption costing
  • Allocation
  • Apportionment
  • Re apportionment
  • Overhead absorption rates
  • Absorption costing
  • Activity Based Costing

11 Budgeting

  • This chapter concentrates on the preparation of budgets and budgeting reports that include:
  • Functional budgets
  • Cash budgets
  • Master budget
  • Budget reports
  • Balanced scorecard reporting
  • Activity based budgeting

12 Capital Budgeting

  • Payback
  • Accounting Rate of Return
  • Net Present Value
  • Profitability Index
  • Internal Rate of Return
  • Divisibility of Projects

13 Excel Techniques for Analysis and Decision Making

  • Goal Seek
  • Scenario Manager
  • SOLVER

I'm nervous about leaving it at 13 chapters and will probably expand that to accommodate the manpower planning spreadsheet models.

DW

If I Have a Little Weakness and I Have a Little Weakness it's a Passion for a ...

Where does the quotation in the title come from and can you finish it?

Yesterday I began to prepare for my next trip by going to the supermarket and buying some odds and ends. One thing I bought, for some inexplicable reason that had lodged itself in my head a week or so ago, was a packet of Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts (see photo!).

allsorts

After tea (that's dinner for those of you with ideas above your station ;-)) I ate a few of the Allsorts. Then a few more. Then some more. So I pushed the bowl they were in to the opposite side of the coffee table.

I resisted the rest of the Allsorts until around half an hour before I went to bed. Then I scoffed the lot.

Well, I haven't had any for quite a while and I won't have any more for another while I suppose. So, a little of what I fancied has probably done me good.

DW

21.7.09

Biodegradable

I was discussing with son Andrew over the weekend how I might knock my kitchen about a bit and create a bit of extra space for myself together with adding a breakfast bar or similar.

As I looked deep inside the cupboard under the stairs where the work could take place I found a carrier bag on a hook behind the door that I had not noticed before in spite of having lived here for two years now. I decided I didn't need that bag to be there so took hold of it and most of the bag fell away from the part I was then holding on to. Odd, I thought!

I bent down to pick up the rest of the bag and that started to fall apart too. After one more attempt, it resembled a flower that has been smashed on the floor after having been dipped in liquid Nitrogen.

Hmm! So biodegradable bags really do degrade then. Moreover, it's best to let them fall apart in the soil I think as it's a bit of a struggle to pick up the bits even with a dust pan and brush.

Fascinating science!

DW

Dual Monitors

A while ago I attached my currently redundant Asus VW202SR monitor to my laptop hoping to use two screens/monitors in tandem. The laptop found the other monitor and let me add it to extend my Desktop.

Hooray!

Boo!

It just sat there: I expected it to give me perfect functionality ... but it just sat there so I unplugged it and harumphed. Gatesed again!

I decided to try again and the same thing happened. I thought, this can't be right: I have seen loads of people using two and more screens at one time. So I did a a bit of research and now I am typing this on my laptop screen and reading an article from the McKinsey Quarterly site on "How finance departments are changing ... "

Marvellous! Did Gates get something right or am I dreaming?

DW

19.7.09

Irony?

I thought the following was amusing.

I got an email from amazon.co.uk: the usual marketing stuff. Here are three of the books that it said I ought to buy today:

1 Balanced Scorecard: step by step for Government and Not for profit Organisations

2 The Little Book that Builds Wealth: the knock out formula for finding great investments

and now for the punch line

3 Fooling Some of the People All of the Time: a long short story

Made me laugh anyway.

DW

16.7.09

Andrew's Graduation: Salford July 2009

A memorable day out in Salford yesterday as I accompanied son Andrew to his graduation ceremony with the degree of BSc from the University of Salford. Second class Honours, upper division ... can't get much better than that.

Well done!

I took over 100 photos but was so wrapped up in it all that I forgot to take a photo of the two of us together.

Well, here is Andrew, all bedecked in his academic robes ...

andrew_topper

Here's an arty photo with added animation/life ...

andrew_bridge

Here's Andrew with his good friend and one of his lecturers: Pearl in the middle and Lei on the right as we look ...

andrew_pearl_lei

The first of the kids to graduate: Fran next then Dima then Daniel.

DW

5.7.09

Explaining Enron

Old MacDonald had a farm and on this farm he had a donkey. But the donkey died. What do you do with a dead donkey? The farmer thought he would sell it. Knowing no one would want a dead donkey, the farmer decided to raffle it. At £2 a ticket, no one questioned the state of the donkey. Old Macdonald easily sold 500 tickets. That’s a grand for a dead donkey that would have fetched £250 alive. The prize was drawn and the winner discovered the donkey was dead. He complained. So Old McDonald gave him back his two quid!!!

E i e i o!

Many thanks to http://www.peoplealchemy.co.uk/samples/9.html for that peach!

DW

Not so Tired

Malcolm (my next door neighbour) came round yesterday afternoon as I was typing my previous posting and I have to say I found it extremely difficult to keep up with the conversation for the full two hours. It was if I was seriously jet lagged or hung over: neither of which applied.

I ended up going to bed at 9 pm and fell asleep fairly soon afterwards. However, I woke up at around 4:30 am. Not good. Then I drifted off again and didn't wake up until around 7:50 am.

I still feel a bit rough but certainly better than yesterday.

So far that is!

DW

Dog Tired Today

I know you want to know ... at home and doing almost nothing today. I woke up at around the same time as normal, just after 6 am but then rather than skipping downstairs for my early morning coffee and pot of yoghurt, I drifted in and out of sleep for the next three hours or so. So I didn't really wake up until around 9:30 am and I feel rough because of it.

I am currently watching the England Lions v Australia cricket match. England have got two sessions in which to try to score 445 runs or bat out for the draw. What do you think? England Lions have just lost a wicket and are now 29 - 1.

Stunning soup, no added fat. Butter beans, cooked; add a stock cube or cook the beans in your own vegetable stock; chop and add one medium sized onion and a small can of chopped tomatoes. Cook until everything is perfect. It didn't even need any tomato puree to enhance the flavour. Gorgeous stuff, especially with your fresh home made 50: 50 wholemeal: white flour bread with butter.

DW

27.6.09

Zonked, More Bread and Wimbledon Wit ... Not

Thise week must have been harder work than I'd thought. I have been pottering about today and, really unusually for me, falling asleep when I settle down to watch the tennis, the rugby or anything else on the telly. ZZZZZ!!

I had decided to take it easy today anyway and virtually started it by baking some bread. Fresh home made bread, butter, mature cheddar and some lettuce leaves. Lip licking good!!

Don't you just admire these people in the crowds at Wimbledon who shout out things like, "Come on Andy ... " Then someone else shouts, "Come on Andy ...". Then we hear someone else shouting, "Come on Andy ... " Such variety and such wit!

DW
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26.6.09

London Done!

Urgent email arrived on Tuesday at midday. Can I run a course in London for two days starting on Thursday?

I got the details and having reviewed them I said yes.

So here I am sitting in the air conditioned customer lounge at King's Cross having delivered quite a credible experience for my delegates. Can't leave until 1903 because of my off peak ticket and it's only 1730 now.

Didn't see much of London and I'd explore a bit more now but my feet hurt and my case is heavy!!

Home late then. At least my bed is comfy!

DW


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18.6.09

Vegetarian Breakfast?

Anyone fancy this for breakfast?

Grilled tomato
Grilled mushrooms
Baked beans
Spring rolls

OK up to the spring rolls?

That's what I got on the KLM flight from Muscat to Amsterdam this morning. What were they thinking?

DW

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Encyclopaedia!

At the end of the last day of my seminar in Muscat, a delegate came and chatted and said I am like an encyclopaedia!

I thought, hmm, does she mean too heavy, dusty and sits on a shelf all alone and unloved? No, she said I seem to know everything!!

I am for hire!!

DW

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17.6.09

Brilliant, another frigging tax!

Those Oxbridge boffs have hit on another spiffing wheeze to extract more money out of the unwary. There is a suggestion that

Every Briton with a fixed line phone will pay a "small levy" of 50p per month to pay for faster net access.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8102756.stm

Why? I have installed and run broadband internet access in my house and have been paying handsomely for it. I have been doing that for many years now. Even when I travel I leave it all switched on, the service that is, not my computers. so, I am hardly a drain on the system.

I am an exception and I don't want to pay even if it is only 50 pence a month.

I was considering taking my broadband mobile anyway and if that's free of this poxy tax then that's what I'll do.

One more thing: this is going to be managed by the government so it won't work will it? Their track record on IT systems is wanton so it will start at 50 pence a month and then it will soon get to £5 a month ... and will be overseen by a Politician who has even managed to dodge paying Stamp Duty on his own house such are the rules that he has managed to manipulate in his favour.

DW

15.6.09

You know you've been Gatesed when ...

... you create and save a Word 2007 file as a Word 97 - 2003 file and think you can take it to another computer running Office 2003 to open it and print it.

  • Of course the first Windows computer will try to open it as a Notepad file. Then it will tell you that the file is corrupt.
  • Of course the second Windows computer will be unable to identify your USB memory stick
  • Of course the third Windows computer will open the file but be completely unable to open the very simple jpg graphics that the file has embedded in it

So, go back to your original file in Word 2007 and save it as a PDF file. Take it out of Gates' hands. I should have done that in the first place.

Ah but there's more.

Last night as I was preparing the document I knew I'd got a copy on my system: it just had to be there. I even knew the key words and everything. I searched in my main working folder and sub folders but Windows Explorer in Vista told me it didn't exist. I changed the key word a few times and each time I got the same result: nothing.

I used manual methods and found what I wanted.

This morning I thought I'd try the search again since it had failed on this file and on several others. Now it worked.

Something I have noticed of late, only lately, is that if I put the computer to sleep, it wakes up with a headache and often refuses to let me surf the web and download my emails: using a browser and Outlook 2007.

Let's all buy an Apple Mac

I see that Apple are releasing more of their wondrous products and I'm telling you, the next comp I get will be as far removed from Bill Gates as I can get.

Just one example of the ad I've see today says that I can get as much as seven hours out of an Apple laptop battery. That's as opposed to the hour - hour and a half I get and have only ever got from all of the laptops I've ever owned and used. Sorry, I don't want to hear that Jimmy Shand plc's laptops can last for a fortnight because that's just the start of it!

Apple has also SHRUNK its OS by 6 Gb ... when did MS ever shrink anything except our wallets and our productivity?

Apple has also shrunk the price of their OS to £29 from £150 (I THINK they are correct).

I will tell you what Windows laptops are good for: hand warmers in Winter as they invariably made the CPU run to capacity whatever else is on board and therefore generate many BTUs of heat.

DW

Take Care

I told a story yesterday as part of a brief discussion on Learning Curves.

I said I used to use my daughter's toys as props when getting students and delegates to assess their personal learning rates. Toys from when she was 2 - 3 years old.

After the session one of the delegates came to me and blithely said, without a hint of ageism, "Your daughter must be quite old by now"!!

Pshaw!!

DW

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13.6.09

Thatcher 'armless?

I see that woman Thatcher has broken her upper arm. Why stop there madam?

There are people all over the UK and elsewhere no doubt who feel no sympathy for that woman.

DW

Twisted People

There is a device available now that can be used to detect whether people have been taking cocaine by sniffing it. It's a device that uses ultra violet rays and any cocaine it finds stuck to skin or nasal hairs lights up green.

Bouncers at night clubs are using these drug torches as they are being called to see if anyone is trying to get into their club has taken any cocaine. The last thing they want is some moron high on cocaine getting into the club and then drinking something alcoholic. Apparently, cocaine and alcohol mixed in the same body at the same time can turn people extremely violent.

Good idea then? Well, not for everyone it seems. Some clowns from the drug charity Release say the drug torch could be illegal as it could be an invasion of privacy. Even some police officers are worried about the torch because they fear it might be a breach of human rights. One woman interviewed by Newsbeat for the BBC told their reporter, "I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm not a cocaine addict. We've just had a cocaine torch shoved up our noses for no reason."

Are all of these people mentally ill? They worry about a drug abuser or drug addict's privacy and human rights when it is more than well known that drug addicts are costing us all billions in NHS treatments and time off work. Drug addicts who drive are many times more likely to crash their cars and kill and/or maim than a drunk driver let alone a sober one. Even within the privacy of their own homes, druggies are a menace.

I want to say here and now that if anyone who needs to protect society feels the need to use a drug torch on me, they are free to do so. I have nothing to fear in the slightest. More than that, they have my permission to do that to anyone else they see fit. If we all say the same, we can rewrite the definition and application of privacy and human rights. After all levels of privacy and human rights are set by people for people.

This is why many aspects of modern life are intolerable for so many people now. Moreover, several layers of our society are free to to what they want at the expense of the rest of us because of these tree huggers.

DW

11.6.09

Bulk Buying?

In a department store with my companion recently and we saw a couple and their baby triplets. Of course,the triplets received loads of attention.

I said it’s just one baby … but buy one get two free! Oh how we laughed!

DW

8.6.09

Gordon Brown WILL Survive

I feel the need to let you in on what appears to be a massive secret in the UK’s political world: Gordon Brown is our Prime Minister today and he will be our Prime Minister tomorrow and even at least up until the next general election.

Brown became PM because of an apparent deal done many years ago. Moreover, the Labour Party went through a sham election to put him in place as it fielded no candidate to oppose him. They are seriously regretting that action now.

Brown is commonly referred to as being unlikeable and difficult to work with. Well, he’s been a senior member of the Labour Party for a very long time so that can hardly be a surprise to anyone now can it? That’s not to defend Brown in any way since I don’t known him at all. Additionally,the people who say he is difficult to work with might be the very ones who have lost out to him in some way and are therefore venting bile. The same happened to Tony Blair who was criticised by the likes of that Claire Short who fell foul of Blair at some stage so she decided to vent bile against him.

Let me also say that Brown was a dreadful Chancellor of the Exchequer at least for building an Economy on sand: the sand of over extensive credit, loans and mortgages … just look at the car industry and the housing market now. The market for cars has collapsed by an average or around 30% over the last year as the availability of credit has collapsed … the car industry propped up by credit and not prosperity. House price inflation raged as the easing of the mortgage market took off: self certification, 100% – 125% mortgages and so on.

As to Brown’s Prime MInisterial life, he will survive for the simple reason that if he is thrown out, the Labour Party will be forced to hold a general election, whether by law or by political machination doesn’t matter. If there is a general election now the Tories will get in despite the fact that they unelectable as is the Liberal Democratic Party. Don’t forget, MPs are politicians first so they will not shoot themselves in the foot by ousting Brown.

What will happen is they will give Brown a slapping. He will be allowed to stay in post until the next General Election and then he will be ditched. Labour will probably lose the next Election next year anyway but at least by waiting for a year or so, they might be able to regain some of the ground they are currently losing to the opposition parties.

Finally, we have been hearing over the last few weeks that Labour MPs have to rally round and unite for the sake of the Labour Party. Aye, there’s the rub! These people in Parliament are more worried about the Party than they are about the country and the likes of you and me. I have written before about the demolishing of the Party system and stress again: political parties lead to party politics which lead to in fighting and short term politics. Get rid of it.

Brown is here to stay, for now!

DW

7.6.09

RIP Grasshopper

You probably know that David Carradine, alias Grasshopper from that ancient television programme*, died in an hotel in Bangkok last week. Sad as the news is, I want to share this with my readers.

Grasshopper died in the Nai Lert Park Hotel which is on Wireless Road in central Bangkok. He checked in on 31st May and although I didn't know he was there and didn't meet him, I was staying at that hotel at the time.

I checked in on 29th May and checked out on 1st June. So for a few hours I can say that I shared some space on this planet with super star David Carradine, Grasshopper.

You might have read that Grasshopper died in rather unusual circumstances but that doesn't diminish my memories of his acting career as far as I knew it.

RIP David Carradine

DW

*Carradine, a martial arts practitioner ... was best known for the ... TV series Kung Fu which aired from 1972-75. He played Kwai Chang Caine, an orphan who was raised by Shaolin monks and fled China for the American West after killing the emperor's nephew in retaliation for the murder of his kung fu master.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ipVUX_BySIOm7FCTgbyATYx9NrywD98LL9I80

6.6.09

It's Just not Cricket! And what about the Football?

The Aussies are in town and the battle for the Ashes is upon us: England won the Ashes the last time battle was engaged on English soil, the Australians won them back shortly afterwards, in Oz.

How has England been preparing for the up and coming Ashes series?

  • A poor Test series in the West Indies last Winter
  • A poor one day series in the West Indies last Winter and early this season in England and now, ignominiously
  • By losing to the Netherlands in the Twenty20 game in rather an embarrassing way

It's embarrassing that England has lost to the Netherlands but to lose when firing on one out of four cylinders is unacceptable.

It's trite now to say that England took cricket to the world, although of course it is undeniably true; but we really ought to be unbeatable by a country mile by the likes of the Netherlands.

Football

As an aside, the England football team takes on Kazakhstan this weekend in the qualifying rounds of the World Cup to be held in South Africa next year. When they played the Kazakhstan team at Wembley they got a shock as it turned out not to be so easy as they thought it would. Then the Kazakhstan team did what lower level teams do, which is to run out of steam. Up until that point however, the likes of Terry and Rooney were in danger of suffering significant embarrassment. No doubt England will take at least a point away from Almaty this weekend and leave all of the embarrassment to the England cricket team

DW

4.6.09

Oh! Windows 7, Windows 7, wherefor art thou Windows 7?

Good question!

I am using my HP Tablet laptop as an experimental computer these days since it has proven so useless and unreliable otherwise (Pavillion 1350ee). I am testing Windows 7 Beta there but thought I'd give Windows 7 RC a go.

I went to the Microsoft (MS) site and after a bit of bother I managed to get the download of the massive file started. It took well over an hour but I was patient, I choose the location of the file and it finished downloading successfully as far as I could see.

After the file downloaded I went back to check what I had to do to install the thing. I needed to create a DVD of the ISO file I had downloaded ...

I went to the folder I had selected for the downloading of the file. Erm, empty, nothing, nada, zilch, nul. I thought, that can't be true so I went to windows explorer and searched for the file: nothing.

In similar situations I often go back to the source, start the downloading process again and then see where the file had really gone. Well, I've been Gatesed! I am unable to start the downloading process again.

So, Gates being Gates, the process of testing MS software has proven impossible. Astonishing innit?

DW

2.6.09

Screen Writers are Getting more Ridiculous

Everyone who comes here regularly knows that I bemoan the ruination of the English English language. Well, I watched the film about Dylan Thomas on the plane last night. British film, British cast, set in Wales, many people spoke with Welsh accents. Even Keira Knightly spoke with a Welsh accent, eventually that is.

Very early in the film, Knightly's character appears as a singer in war time London. Then as she gets home to Wales she explains to Dylan Thomas, a childhood friend and one time lover, that she is "Singing in the Underground right now"!

I couldn't believe that the screen writer would make a war time Welsh girl say right now in any situation whatsoever. I am surprised that Knightly herself didn't spot how out of place it is and I am shocked that the director or editor or someone didn't think to change that to what she would have said. She would have said something as simple as now or at the moment ... but certainly not right now.

FFS as my nephew is wont to say!

DW

Emirates what have you [un]done?

My impressions of the A380-800 inaugural from from Bangkok to Dubai are that I was very disappointed.

I have followed the development and launch of the A380 with everyone and I have seen promotional videos of the various cabins on the aircraft as they are offered by various airlines.

When I got into the Business Class cabin of this A380 I was very disappointed. So disappointed that I invented a new word: Emirates has sardinised its business class passengers for this aeroplane. In the Emirates Boeing 777ER, on which I have also travelled business class, there are far fewer business class seats and the level of personalised service is much higher. Fair enough, they don't know how to make a decent vegetarian sandwich but there you are, a trifling detail!

Last night, I felt let down: so many seats and it seemed to me that we were being serviced by the same number of crew as in Economy Class. Not what I upgraded for!

They had not registered my vegetarian meal request although there was a generic vegetarian option on the menu. They asked me, however, what I wanted and I did stress my vegetarian requirements: the stewardess said no problem and wrote it all down. Then she brought me my appetiser that included some sea food. She apologised and promised me the vegetarian alternative but it never came.

The meal itself was fine: the mezzes were good. I like Middle Eastern food anyway so there was never going to be a problem with that! The tortellini was basically poor as I could have made/prepared better myself. Dessert was good, a chocolate cake with custard ... foreigners, however, fail to appreciate the English appetite for custard and around 15 millilitres is far from adequate! I have to say that by the time the meal service had finished it was well past midnight and getting rather late for me. We had a nominal take off time of 2125 and took off at almost exactly 2200.

The service of the food was rather offhand and the level of service I felt was in direct proportion to the number of crew on duty.

I did like the bar area as that attracted a number of people, including me. I took an orange juice and could have eaten snacks all night. The good point is that it strikes me as a good opportunity to get out of your seat and meet someone who might be interesting. I met a man in the bar from Bangkok in there, originally from St Helens, who was on THE inaugural A380 flight with Singapore Airlines that flew from Singapore to Sydney. He had all his certificates on display for everyone to see: it's one of 4 such inaugural flights he's done now.

No other refreshments were served although they were always available in the bar and each seat has its own little bar with water, juice and so on available.

One thing that they might have to change is that many of the men travelling last night had rather large stomachs so the slide out tables will be unusable by many of them! That's a fundamental marketing and design flaw in my opinion! Of course, I didn't have a problem!

The entertainment system is excellent, I have to say. The large touch screen is excellent and the controls on screen are a doddle to use. There is even a mini control pod thing for each seat that controls the video and audio as well as the seat.

The seat is heavily marketed as being 100% flat bed: nope! Mine did not go 100%, not far off but not far enough for me to be able to sleep in it as if it were a flat bed. I did sleep a couple of hours though.

One nice touch: after I had paid a visit to the bar I got back to find that someone had made up my bed with some sort of mini mattress and they had folded my blanket really nicely. That was good!

Here is my certificate of having flown that inaugural flight:

a380_cert_small

One final thing: this is my first ever inaugural flight and I have to say I thought that Emirates would have made a bit more of a fuss of us than they did!

DW

1.6.09

Inaugural A380 Bangkok to Dubai Flight: EK373 1st June 2009

I have just taken my seat on the inaugural flight of this monstrous plane.

Since it's my first time on this plane and it's the inaugural BKK - DXB flight, I decided to upgrade to business class.

Seat 6G ... Front row. As befits my station!!

The wings are absolutely immense, made in England. There's a camera in the massive tail fin.

Will report more later.

DW
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30.5.09

Uncle and Neice do Bangkok

When there a few people in a family who can't sit still, it's great when travellers' paths cross.

As I came back to Bangkok for the final leg of this two month stay in Thailand, my neice was also here on her stopping off point as she tripped off to Bali for her hols. We arranged to stay at the same hotel in Bangkok and met up on my arrival last night.

Had a nice dinner at the Metropolitan Hotel and then on to the Brown Sugar jazz club cum pub on Sarasin Road.

From the Met, we zig zagged across Bangkok trying to find a taxi driver who knew where we wanted to go.

Eventually we ended up in the lively Brown Sugar. During a conversation I got animated and started flailing my arms. I accidentally knocked my glass (Sprite!) and it ended up smashed on the floor.

We didn't hear that much music due to the lateness of our arrival and we realised it was time to leave when they turned all the lights out.

A late night but a good one.

DW
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28.5.09

Sweet Sue Cupcakes 2

Following my earlier post on Sweet Sue's cupcakes, take a look at the photo below and then go to this web site again: http://www.sweetsuecupcakes.blogspot.com/

Don't forget, if ever you're in Kuala Lumpur, you probably need to buy some of Sue's products.

sweet_sue_cake_crop

On the screen of the laptop(!) is the word Acer ... attention to detail or what?!

Nice cakes.

DW

25.5.09

Burnley Promoted!

Fantastic Burnley have just beaten Sheffield United at Wembley and they are now a PREMIER League team.

Can you see how it's done Shearer?

Brilliant Owen Coyle's the man!

DW

Back the Losers why don't you?

I wrote in my Blog this morning about the FORMER Premier League football team Newcastle United and its latest manager. Well, I want to say how sick to death I am today. On the BBC there has been Shearer this and Shearer that. Shearer coy about his future. Shearer says we weren't good enough.

We KNOW you weren't good enough because you were relegated. Two other teams were relegated. More than that, what about the teams that achieved something. What about lauding managers like David Moyes at Everton and Martin O'Neill at Villa? Two great managers for whom I have huge amounts of time and respect.

Let's have an interview with Martin O'Neill. After all, even the late great Brian Clough was in awe of O'Neill's vocabulary and use of language. Unlike the burbling, erm, Alan, erm, Shearer, erm.

I really do despair at the agenda of these oafs at the BBC. Everyone loves an honest John but why do they want to ram the losing Newcastle United down our throats?

DW

Sweet Sue CupCakes

You've got to go here http://www.sweetsuecupcakes.blogspot.com/ and if ever you're in Kuala Lumpur, you probably need to buy some of Sue's products.

I am working with Sue this week and I have ordered a cake for later in the week and I will report back. They look fantastic.

Well done Sue, a new small business that deserves your support I think.

DW

Zapper!

If you are a fly or a mosquito or other such flying object, do NOT read on.

Forgot to tell you about the fantastic tennis racquet I saw in Chiang Rai the other week. Sitting in a massage parlour one evening, having my FEET massaged, we were all being bombarded by flies, mossies and the like. The man of the house came along with a tennis racquet and started wafting it about in my vicinity.

Suddenly, tzzzz! Then again, tzzzz! This tennis racquet was a zapper in disguise! Maybe through evolution flies have become familiar and unafraid of tennis racquets but zappers dressed up as tennis racquets seem to have them fooled.

I want one!

Then again, how about a tennis racquet shaped Swine Flu zapper!

You heard it first!

DW

Wemberlee, Wemberlee, Wemberleeeeee!

Apart from the FA Cup all domestic football issues have been settled, bar one: the final promotion place from the Championship to the Premier League.

Burnley is the team in my sights and many members of my family are wending their way to support that self same team at Wembley later today. Here's hoping their journey isn't in vain.

Under Owen Coyle, Burnley is a team transformed. I saw them at Turf Moor shortly before Coyle took over and then again about a year after he'd arrived and what a transformation.

Then there has been the Capital Punishment meted out this season. Now we are Daring to Dream: let's change places with Newcastle United, that grossly over bloated FORMER Premiership team.

I don't wish any teams' supporters any harm but that oaf Mike Ashley has tried to make many millions out of buying and selling a football club and I am happy to say it back fired on him catastrophically. I was also happy that Alan Shearer, surely the worst football pundit ever, has failed as a manager: the over bloated status bestowed on this man is too much to bear. Now we know Shearer is as clueless as a manager as he is as a pundit. Then again, reports are that he has been rewarded to the tune of £1 million for the eight games he has been in charge so he should worry.

DW

Time Zone

As you travel from one time zone to another and a mobile phone doesn't change the time properly and you KNOW that, make sure you know what you are doing when you use that phone to set the alarm to wake you in the morning

You wouldn't want, effectively, to wake up two hours early would you?

DW

Trousers

If you insist on wearing trousers you have owned for years and that you know have a slight tear near the back pocket, make sure the seam in the vital area is in tact.

Wouldn't want any embarrassment would you?

DW

Well done Sunderland

Another season of Premier League football at the Stadium of Light. Well done everyone.

How about mid table or better next season, though, eh?

DW


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24.5.09

Haway the lads!

Having lived in Sunderland for a few years and having supported the team flawlessly in that time, let me urge the Black Cats to play their hearts out today as they face Chelsea and the drop out of the Premier League.

Don't bodge it today and let the Magpies off the hook. If one of you goes down, let it be them.

DW


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Yoghurt pots

This has been bothering me for years but I have finally snapped: no reason, I just snapped!

Has anyone designed a yoghurt pot that doesn't involve the need for moebus strip mathematics to empty? Since I eat yoghurt from pots in many countries, I don't think so.

We will hear arguments to do with shipping, stacking, filling machines and so on but what about the consumer? Moreover, what about all of the yoghurt that inevitably gets lodged in all those crevices and left behind?

End of this rant.

DW




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23.5.09

Hotel Fodder

I am staying in a good hotel but having been living in hotels non stop since early April, I am in need of my own bed now. Still got around 10 more nights to go before I can crawl into that bed.

Let me show you where I am staying until tomorrow: in Bangkok and in a hotel I have not stayed in before: the swissotel Nai Lert Park on Wireless Road. You will see that it's set in a fantastic garden considering it is smack bang in the centre of the city.

love_the_roots_nai_lert

Love the roots

travellers_palm_nai_lert

Traveller's palm 

waterfall_nai_lert

Waterfall 

pool_nai_lert

Pool

DW

22.5.09

The BBC's Ethical Man

They've done it again, the good old BBC. They ran a series on BBC TV in the UK in which a reporter changed the way he and his family, living in London, were living. The car went, they insulated the loft and all the rest of it, to try to show us what it would be like to minimise our personal carbon foot prints.

So, having done that, they decided, as they usually do, that this programme had so much more to offer but that the UK was just too confined a space in which to operate. So, they send this reporter off, doubtless with a large and/or expensive team, to the USA for him to learn what it's like over there.

They are interviewing hippies who are lobbying Congress, hick farmers sitting on a train for 22 hours at a time as they travel to Florida from Chicago. They were delighted to meet the likes of Darryl Hanna on a train, too, as she was expressing her right to lower her own carbon foot print.

In other words, this reporter is doing NOTHING that he could not do in the UK. If I could I would withdraw my TV licence as I really do not support the way they dash off to the USA at the drop of a hat as they forget that the acronym BBC stands for BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation.

Clots!

DW

21.5.09

Coming to the end in Thailand

Thanks for the messages asking me where I am ... I've not been blogging so often and you are missing me! Aw, isn't that nice?

New Seminar

I am coming to the end of my two months in Thailand now. In about two hours I will begin my two day assignment here. Looking forward to it as it is one of the best chances I have had to run a seminar where the delegates really will be at the centre of their own world.

The seminar is on cash flow and working capital management. I have prepared everything on the assumption that the delegates are coming to talk about THEIR cash flow and THEIR working capital management problems. So that's what's going to happen.

Bridge Over the River Kwai

Such a beautiful setting and such a nasty piece of work. I went to the River Kwai for the first time on Monday and it's difficult, impossible for me, to walk through the museum of the death railway with feeling really sad for the men whose plight we cannot in any way empathise with. Moreover, revulsion at the people, yes people, who made our men and boys live and work in such conditions. Humans doing this to humans.

Anyway, here are two photos of me for your consumption: one of me on the iron bridge over the river and the other of me with one of the railorries they built: lorries converted into railway trucks.

Overall the trip I was on lasted a whole day, 13 hours from door to door and was a good experience: the cemetries are fantastic and a lasting tribute to the men of many nations who suffered so much.

on_bridge_kwai

kwai_lorry 

The Future

From early June I will be spending a couple of weeks at home <gasp> and can hope, horrible word that, that I will put my photos and videos together in some semblance of order. Lots to see.

Moving to Thailand

I have been asked if I am thinking of moving to Thailand to live and the answer is yes, I have been thinking about it. Might still think about it. I will reflect on that over the next few months so let's see what happens.

Thanks again for the support I get via this blog and thanks for thinking about me!

DW

14.5.09

Al Rehab

I kid you not, the cafe in the foyer of the Intercontinental Hotel Al Jubail, Saudi Arabia is called Al Rehab.

Ironic considering Saudi is a dry country!

DW


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13.5.09

Burnley FC one step nearer ... and a top tip

Whilst Burnley FC were bounding through to the Championship play off final at Wembley in almost two weeks, I know someone who was patiently waiting in Saudi Arabia for the match to be screened live on the telly in his hotel room. Here's a top tip: don't wait for such a major event whilst you are tired with the television SWITCHED OFF. Otherwise you might find yourself waking up three hours later having missed the entire game. DW

10.5.09

Dream on

Burnley 1 Reading 0

Championship Play off 1st leg.

Good start.

Up The Clarets!!

DW


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8.5.09

Novotel at BKK? No!

Just spent a ghastly night at the Novotel at Suvarnabhumi Airport Bangkok.

Slept really badly.

Air conditioning unit as noisy as a 737 at take off. Switch off the unit and boil to death.

They increased the rate by 10% between saying yes to staying and having checked in. Then I found out it was room only. Add another 12%.

TV remote control packed in at 2300 just when I needed it most: when I was in bed.

All of this and I am a Novotel Gold card holder. Such benefits!

Told them I wouldn't stay there again.

DW


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7.5.09

Hello, we're from Florida

Ever lived in dread of hearing someone belching out the words, or something similar, in the title of this post?

It happened a couple of weeks ago as I was having breakfast in my hotel in Chiang Rai, Thailand. My partner Tar and I were the only two people in the restaurant when another couple arrived and sat themselves at the table next to ours.

We were eating and chatting and they were organising themselves.

Suddenly, out of the blue, "Hello, we're from Florida. Where are you from?" Well, for Tar it's a bit of a give away as she's definitely a Thai lady!!

I took the bait and responded. A simple conversation took place and it turns out that he's a dermatologist, plastic surgeon he said, from Florida and she's an investor in property in Florida. Quite wealthy between them I think.

I am sure these are good people and no better or worse than anyone else but I have to say I was surprised at a plastic surgeon having brought to the breakfast table a container into which he piled pieces of fruit and into another container bread and meat for their later consumption! Bit tight that with food in the Chiang Rai area being so cheap.

DW

Burnley FC: still daring to dream

The Owen Coyle Burnley Boys at Turf Moor have done it: they won their last game of the season to secure a place in the Championship play offs. Winning the play offs would see the lads playing in the Premier League next season.

They have played very well this season, albeit not as consistently as everyone would have liked but Owen Coyle has transformed the team in his relatively short spell at the club. Well done that Jock!

At the time of writing I don't know the dates and games to be played but I know there are grown men and women including some famous names who are nervous as kittens now as they wait to see what fate has in store for The Clarets.

Just yesterday I got a text message telling me, "John (around 30 years of age!) a nervous wreck at the Turf." A nervous wreck and they won 4: 0!!

DW

Swine Flu Nonsense

I know there are people on this planet who will have been hiding in their house or office as they live in dread of catching the swine flu virus. I also know that some readers of this post will say the WHO did a good job by creating pandemic style awareness of the virus.

I flew from Doha to Bangkok with Qatar Airways last week and we were all issued with a face mask as we boarded the plane. Every member of the cabin crew wore their face masks throughout the flight, although I can't speak for the pilots, of course, since I didn't see them during the flight.

A friend of mine went a bought his own face mask prior to flying to the UK from Dubai.

So, lots of awareness. I think lots of hysteria. I related a week or so ago that I heard of 170 deaths in Mexico from swine flu. I then heard that this figure had been downgraded by a massive amount to around 100 deaths. Major over reporting of deaths in what was only a minor outbreak by any standards.

Now, I have been sent a slide showing the official classification of risks from the UK Government. Swine flu has not registered on that chart and will not and yet every household in the UK has been targeted to receive what is probably an expensively produced leaflet on the topic.

risk_slide

I just wonder who it was who put the world into panic? Who in the UK Government was so scared that they careened headlong into producing the leaflets I just mentioned?

Are there any real lessons from this minor flu outbreak? I will be talking in a couple of weeks to businessmen in Thailand about the post auditing of projects and I wonder what level of post auditing will be carried out following the nonsense classification of pandemic level 5 of this swine flu outbreak?

Nonsense health administrators and nonsense politicians of the world unite.

DW

1.5.09

RIP Ron Murdy

I have just been told that my former father in law has died and I want everyone to know what a good man he was. Friendly and generous and an excellent grandfather to my children.

I haven't seen him for many years but he's not someone I have forgotten or can forget.

As a matter of faith I would like to believe he is now reunited with his wife Joan who died a few years ago: another one of life's good people.

DW


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30.4.09

Swine Flu

This swine flu outbreak is causing me pause for thought. In case it's not the same where you are, BBC News began its first (or very early) report by discussing a pandemic rather than just a problem or an outbreak ... a pandemic means the whole world is potentially engulfed by swine fu.

I have been watching this news unfold as the week has gone by and I am still perplexed as the World Health Organisation has moved the pandemic warning level from 3 to 4 to 5: there's only one level left, 6 and then it's officially a pandemic.

What's puzzling me is that there have been around just 160 deaths in Mexico, where the outbreak has started, one death outside of Mexico, in the USA. However, the current numbers, as at 29th April 2009, are:

  • 13 cases in Canada
  • 64 in the USA
  • 26 in Mexico
  • 2 in the UK
  • 2 in Israel
  • 3 in New Zealand
  • 4 in Spain

Does this represent a level 5 pandemic warning? I am in Dubai this week with a risk manager/practitioner and he would rather point out that in the time it has taken to get to 114 reported cases in addition to the deaths, the number of people KILLED and/or badly injured in car accidents, accidents at work and murder, in addition to rape, robbery and so on are at inter galactic pandemic proportions by comparison.

Of course, I am well aware that this outbreak may become more serious and that prevention is better than cure; but aren't we seeing people on the news who are merely trying to make a name for themselves? Getting themselves in the public eye and wanting to stay there?

Obama the News Boy?

I was also rather puzzled yesterday when I saw President Obama being trotted out to tell people to cover their mouths when they cough and sneeze ... he's the President of the USA. Isn't that a bit of overkill?

DW

29.4.09

Blumenthal? Blumen'eck!

I have just watched Heston Blumenthal's "cookery" programme for the first time. I think it's good that his restaurant had to close and I'm not surprised 400 of his diners became ill. His food is deadly.

He faffs around in a pseudo scientific way with his food. Then he decimates it.

Roast potatoes? Grossly over boiled and the finished product looked to be heaving with fat. Crispy but very fatty.

Roast chicken? Again, massive amount of faffing and to ensure his chickens were especially deadly he injected the butter enhanced dripping from his chickens back into the bird.

No wonder we are now a nation of lard arses. Even his carrots were cooked in butter rather than being lightly boiled or steamed.

Appalling.

DW

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27.4.09

Watch the News: over and over and over

The BBC is a massive news gathering and presenting organisation. When I can I watch it wherever in the world I am. Of course, I prefer it to CNN, ABC, EuroNews and so on because now it is more relevant for me. It's not that long ago, however, when BBC World News had NOTHING to say about Britain: not part of the world then, apparently. It's much better now.

This post, however, is a bit of a moan. Odd that!

I have been awake for about 90 minutes already today and I have seen the same news reports on BBC World News at least three if not four times already. Moreover, some of the stories were run over and over again yesterday.

I wouldn't mind if they updated their stories but they don't: they simply run the same tape or articles again and again.

Here's some news for BBC News: it's BORING!

You can tell me to watch something else: erm, yes but my Arabic, Thai, Chinese, Czech, French, Russian, German ... are all rather weak so the local/other channels on offer are usually of little value to me.

DW

21.4.09

What do you get ...

... when you mix the following together in the Chiang Rai district of Thailand?

8 Thai women of varying ages
One farang of a certain age
A plastic bucket
An empty plastic oil can
A stick
An enamel bowl
An empty spirits bottle
A table
Sundry spoons
Sundry small bowls
An apparently infinite supply of Thai Whisky

Answer, you get a Songkran Karaoke.

Massive four hour entertainment that fell to a low point when the farang sang Weela Wallia and Strangers in the Night, fortunately not at the same time, however. Also fortunately no one understood any of the words or possible mistakes and a solid round of applause was earned each time!!

DW

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19.4.09

Songkran

If your sesne of humour extends to seeing people getting drenched from dawn to dusk, willy nilly and non stop then come to Thailand for the Songkran Festival.

Songkran is Thailand's week long annual water festival that people try to return to their home provinces to celebrate.

Groups of people station themselves at various places at the side of the road and they throw buckets of water at anything that moves, especially motorcyclists and anyone sitting in the truck part of a pick up.

Then you'll find some people wielding a hosepipe, which is especially potent at the traffic lights.

Just observe the different strategies adopted too:

Throw and hope
Mathematical arcs
Aggressive and horizontal

The drivers of pickups have much to answer for as they often slow down as their trucks approach the water throwers!

A final element is relentlessness: I think this is the funniest part, where one pickup can be targeted many times in a minute.

Good clean fun.

DW
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18.4.09

I did it: country 50 visited

Well, I did it! Not the country I had planned and not the way I expected but I have now visited my 50th country.

In my previous entry I said I could see Laos from our restaurant in Thailand. Well, when we took a trip up the Mekong River we came to Myanmar too. For part of the journey we could see Thailand, Laos and Myanmar all at the same time.

Then we hurtled back down river and stopped at the Lao market where we paid 20 Baht each to enter Laos and to buy some odds and ends from that market. I bought a Laos fridge magnet: for my sister in law.Well, I did it! Not the country I had planned and not the way I expected but I have now visited my 50th country.

In my previous entry I said I could see Laos from our restaurant in Thailand. Well, when we took a trip up the Mekong River we came to Myanmar too. For part of the journey we could see Thailand, Laos and Myanmar all at the same time.

Then we hurtled back down river and stopped at the Lao market where we paid 20 Baht each to enter Laos and to buy some odds and ends from that market. I bought a Laos fridge magnet: for my sister in law.

There you go. Where had I planned to go for my 50th country? I was going to go to Italy. Rome to be precise. That might be my 51st country. I will let you know.

DW

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Thai - Lao Border

For the record, I am currently sitting in a restaurant looking over the Mekong River towards Laos.

Country number fifty to look at but I cannot go there today as I am on a tour. We will be taking a trip down the Mekong shortly.

DW
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6.4.09

Sports Reporting

Andy Gray on Sky Sports 1 was commentating on the Man Spew v Aston Villa match yesterday and having long admitted that Villa were far the better team for the whole game, he launched into an orgiastic ululation over Renaldo’s second goal of the game.

What happened was that Ronaldo was having an indifferent game and when the ball came to him, on the edge of the Villa penalty area, he almost scuffed the ball which for some reason eluded everyone in the Villa team and trickled into the net.

Gray described it as a magnificent goal: in truth it was the sort of goal that a fifty year old would score.

Secondly, who is it at the BBC who thinks that anyone wants to hear an over excited radio commentator screeching at the scoring of an admittedly good goal by a Man Spew player?

Last week I wrote on Nick Robinson’s Blog (he is a political journalist at the BBC) after he showed his hand when trying to make President Obama think ill of Gordon Brown via a question at a press conference that he shouldn’t have asked. The BBC is supposed to be a public service broadcaster and not a broadcaster that wears its heart on its sleeve: reporting in a balanced manner.

Such wailing and ululation must stop.

DW

5.4.09

The new Diana: not in the slightest, she's much better than that

I didn't know whether to throw the radio out of the window, write to the BBC as Disgusted Tunbridge Wells or just accept that it was inevitable; but this is what happened on Thursday on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme.

Some ridiculous woman felt it important to make a point about Michelle (and that's not Meeshell as they are now pronouncing on the BBC today) Obama: she was being treated during her visit to London as if she were a latter day Diana Spencer. Why do I say she was a ridiculous woman? She is ridiculous because of what she went on to say:

Michelle Obama is the new Diana, intelligent, law school graduate, stylish ...

  • Intelligent?
  • Law School Graduate?
  • Stylish?

Which of those three EVER applied to Diana? Yes, just the stylish one. As for intelligent and law school graduate, forgive me for speaking ill of the dead but no, Diana was a nursery ASSISTANT on her engagement to Charles Battenburg and rose to the dizzying heights of ONE O Level, in domestic science, if my information is correct.

I have no doubt that Michelle Obama is far removed from being another Diana: not only intelligent and a lawyer but her moral principles are probably of a much higher order than the woman they are now trying to compare her with.

Far from being a style guru, I would like to add that I didn't think that Mrs Obama was particularly stylish on her trip to London but doubtless there will be copies of her outfits in the shops within the week. Her formal wear looked very good, however.

DW

Duncan's Diacritical Discussion

Good news! Another fantastic blog is to hit the internet: Duncan's Diacritical Discussion.

Clearly this is a new blog from yours truly. The aim of this new blog is to split out the personal from the business aspects of life that I comment on.

Just keep watching and go to the menu on the home page of my web site, www.duncanwil.co.uk, to see the address of Duncan's Diacritical Discussion. It's already been set up, of course, but I will wait until my first substantive post before I reveal it.

DW

30.3.09

Gatesed Again?

I have upgraded to Internet Explorer 8 on my laptop and even though it starts my gmail account it does so with a blip: rendering of the CSS I THINK. I press Ctrl+F5 and the blip goes away.

I installed IE8 on my desktop about an hour ago and gmail won’t load at all now. I installed FireFox and it opened gmail with no problems at all.

When will Gates either get it right or stop interfering with other software that we do actually like to use even if he wants to perpetuate his world domination theme?

DW

Marks and Spencer’s Ordinary Chap Strikes Again

He’s in the news again: that ordinary man, Sir Stuart Rose, of M&S.

M&S shareholders would have the chance to vote on whether an independent chairman should be appointed by July next year under a resolution proposed by the Local Authority Pension Fund Forum [LAPFF] on Sunday.

Pressure has been building on M&S to resolve concerns about an eventual successor to Sir Stuart Rose, who was elevated from chief executive to executive chairman of the company last year.

Sir Stuart is scheduled to stay in the post, which combines the role of chief executive and chairman, until July 2011.

But the Local Authority Pension Fund Forum said on Sunday it would file a motion at the company’s annual meeting in July that would call for the appointment of an independent chairman by July 2010.

See: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/3ad774e0-1c92-11de-977c-00144feabdc0.html

In an interview on the Today programme on Radio 4 this morning, the business correspondent asked questions of a representative of the LAPFF questions that suggest it is a good idea to leave Rose alone. Fair enough, the interviewer was trying to provide some balance to the arguments. However, I firmly believe that Rose has flouted corporate governance rules so much and his track record at M&S is so poor that the shareholders of M&S should simply tell the man to resign from one if not both of his posts forthwith.

My reasoning is that Rose has been bad for shareholders and that his track record over the last few years at the helm of M&S have been far from spectacular. Here is further evidence of my case:

Sir Stuart Rose, chairman of Marks and Spencer, admitted it had made several “basic shop keeping” mistakes when launching its troubled first store on the Chinese mainland [in Shanghai].

See: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/2bac61ae-f6e2-11dd-8a1f-0000779fd2ac.html

The basic errors are actually fundamental errors and include stocking clothes that are far too big for the target market and a supply chain that failed to deliver the food they wanted to sell.

The fundamental nature of the error they made on the clothing they were selling was that they failed to appreciate that on average an Oriental person is significantly smaller than people from elsewhere. Nevertheless, what they did, under Rose’s leadership don’t forget, was to assume that the people of Shanghai were equivalent to the people of Hong Kong and stock their shops accordingly. After all, they all look the same to Rosie. Clot!

In the second of the FT articles I am referring to here, Rose is credited with:

“We need to get the A to Z of sizing right and we need better market research,” said Sir Stuart

Dear M&S Shareholder, your glorious leader sanctioned the opening of a shop in Shanghai complicit in the knowledge that inadequate market research had been done. A potentially extremely serious mistake.

Rose’s answer to all of this is reported to be that M&S will sit it out in Shanghai. Chairman and CEO, eh?

In the second of the two FT articles I have referred to here, Rose says several times that M&S made basic shop keeping errors. Exactly, Rose is a basic shop keeper who is occupying the strategist’s chair. Time to go Sir Stuart.

DW

28.3.09

Crap Cooking on the Telly

Pardon my French!

As I was stumbling through the television channels last night I came across a “cookery” programme called Eating with the Enemy. The theme of the programme is that some amateur “cooks” are supposed to prepare food of restaurant quality and have their efforts assessed by some “experts”.

The host of the programme is James Martin. To my mind, Martin is a very poor cook, although he calls himself a chef. He peppers his words with lovely, nice, my grandmother and so on. For example, I am going to prepare a nice dish of garlic mushrooms using a recipe I got from my grandmother. Lovely! Why should he qualify it by saying nice? After all, we don’t expect crap do we: although invariably that’s what we see. Grossly unhealthy food laced with fat, salt, carbohydrates … rubbish really.

It’s a bit like the signs you’ll see outside the average Pub in England now, Good Food … same applies: we don’t expect bad food do we and wouldn’t pay if they served it!

Anyway, it turns out that Martin is the creative genius behind the main dish these “cooks” have to prepare. Last night he asked them to make a burger. For crying out loud: how many people who go to a proper restaurant, not one of those non restaurants where they serve “fast food”; but a real restaurant, want to eat a burger. You can see what I mean about the quality of the host!

So these “cooks” all nanced around “cooking”. Only one contestant was any good and he was a middle aged Jock. He did well in my opinion. Not like the one who couldn’t even cook a burger all the way through. Then there was the one who rested her burger on a rosti bed. Now, a rosti is shredded or grated potato out of which the liquid is squeezed and then shallow fried until crisp. Note the operative word, CRISP. So this “cook” had also prepared some mushrooms in a white wine sauce. Of course, she poured gallons of sauce all over the burgers and drowned it and the rosti underneath. Meaning there was nothing but soggy rosti.

There was a “cook” who was presented as someone who could prepare excellent choux pastry but for some reason she decided to prepare a dish with shortcrust pastry this time and it was rubbish: she had no idea of what to do. In the middle of her pastry nonsense, Martin shuffled up and showed her a “Chef’s trick” of how to roll out pastry between two sheets of cling film: a tip he got from Gary Rhodes but never admitted to!

I hate to be sizist but one of the “Enemy” was morbidly obese: I missed the start of the programme but I think he is a journalist. He is a good advert for this programme as the food was unbalanced and astonishingly high in fat and calories. However, I really do not think someone who is morbidly obese should be allowed to take part in a food programme.

DW

27.3.09

Magical TV Moment

There was a magical moment on the television last night. It was the day in the year when children are given the chance to present the news and act as reporters for a day.

Some children were given the chance to interview Robert Peston, the BBC’s business correspondent. One child put to Peston a fantastic point:

My mum thinks you are going to be the next Mr Darcy …

The look on Peston’s face was absolutely priceless!

Classic reporting and classic moment.

Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings …

DW

25.3.09

Osbourne Gaffe

George Osbourne, a British politician, said yesterday that he wanted a Conservative government to borrow its way out of debt.

Hey, George, such an insight, such a policy. Where can I vote for you?

Not!

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

23.3.09

Lighten Everyone’s Life

An article in this week’s Economist is rather illuminating! Pun intended.

I had a discussion with my neighbour Malcolm recently just after the news broke that the European Commission was going to outlaw incandescent light bulbs in favour of the much more energy efficient compact fluourescent light (CFL). Malcolm told me the things that his friends were saying about the new bulbs: expensive, low quality light, civil liberties and how some of them were hoarding the incandescent bulbs.

In my living room there are six CFL bulbs and one incandescent bulb. The incandescent bulb is in a socket that is attached to a dimmer switch that CFLs can’t cope with!

I was able to demonstrate to Malcolm that six CFLs cost around the same as the ONE incandescent bulb in my living room when operated at full power. I also showed Malcolm the difference in quality of light as between the one incandescent bulb and just two CFL bulbs (my wall lights have two bulbs in each and they cannot be dontrolled independently).

Malcolm was so surprised at what I was able to demonstrate and I can only hope that he shared his new found knowledge with his friends! I will ask him at our weekly coffee and chocolate biscuit session this week!

Well, things are marching on apace in the world of the light bulb apparently:

http://www.economist.com/science/displayStory.cfm?story_id=13315818&source=hptextfeature

Light emitting diodes (LEDs) are moving in the direction of our living rooms. Currently very expensive at around £40 a bulb they are said to have a life of 45,000 hours: as opposed to the average 1,000 hours for an incandescent bulb and 10,000 hours or so for a CFL bulb.

In my living there are six CFLs and one incandescent bulb. I can put them on in various combinations:

incandescent only

two CFLs … plus the incandescent

four CFLs … plus the incandescent

In my case, by cutting out the incandescent bulb and having just two CFLs I save £24.966 a year in electricity costs assuming I have the lights on for 12 hours a day for 365 days a year. Multiply that the number of bulbs and so on throughout your house and you will quickly appreciate the savings you make, the savings in electricity you make and how the Economist article says that by using LEDs in the ways suggested in the article, 130 power stations in the USA alone would no longer be required.

Here are a few more calculations to help you just in case you think that CFLs are ECONOMICALLY a bad idea: the number at the top of each column is the number of bulbs in use

 

Costs and Savings

1

2

3

4

5

Incandescent 100 Watt

32.85

65.7

98.55

131.4

164.25

CFL 12 Watt bulbs

3.942

7.884

11.83

15.77

19.71

Savings

28.908

57.82

86.72

115.63

144.54

image

DW

The Fly in the Urinal

This is boy talk: you have probably seen those urinals in various places which have a picture of a house fly glazed into them.

Well it’s interesting what one just accepts without questioning why. I have seen these flies in bogs many times and have often meant to ask why they were there; but who does one ask such things? Well, today I discovered an answer.

On a radio discussion programme today an Economist reported seeing the flies at Schipol Airport in Amsterdam (yes, they are there too!) and he said they are there to capture the concentration of the boys and men using those urinals. The main purpose of those flies, however, is that we see these flies as a challenge and will aim to widdle all over them … rather than spraying in the urinal, the floor, the wall, our neighbour’s shoes ...

The result is that floor widdling has been reduced by 80%. Consequently, the floors in the toilets in Schipol and elsewhere are cleaner and less smelly. Whoever thought of that deserves a medal.

It’s a pity this hasn’t caught on here in the UK as we have what rank as some of the smelliest public toilets in the developed and much of the developing world.

Is there an equivalent for girls I wonder? Over to you ladies!! Not necessarily toilets either, ladies.

DW

21.3.09

Let them be Furious

I have just read this in today's Financial Times:

Bankers on Wall Street and in Europe have struck back against moves by US law makers to slap punitive taxes on bonuses paid to high earners at bailed out institutions.

Senior executives on both sides of the Atlantic on Friday warned of an exodus of talent from some of the biggest names in US finance, saying the “anti American” measures smacked of “a McCarthy witch hunt” that would send the country “back to the stone age”.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4ff2f77e-1584-11de-b9a9-0000779fd2ac.html?nclick_check=1

My responses are as follows:

  • the banking industry has demonstrated a dearth of talent over the last five years
  • where are these bankers thinking of going
  • who would want them to do what they do so badly
  • what makes them persist in the notion that they are any good

To paraphrase WS Gilbert

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

I've got a little list, I've got a little list

Of society offenders who might well be underground,

And who never would be missed, who never would be missed!

There's the pestilential bankers who contract for bonuses

All financiers who have grubby hands and act like callouses

...

The operative part of that quip from The Mikado is that these bankers "never would be missed".

I would like a few bankers to write here and explain why they feel they deserve their massive salaries and bonuses ON THE BASIS OF THEIR PERFORMANCE. I also want them to exclude any reference to contractual obligations. After all, I am sure I am right in saying that no contract exists which includes the phrase, in the event of the collapse of the bank, no bonus is due or even, in the event of a forced Government bail out of the bank, no bonus is due.

Plonkers they are!

DW

20.3.09

Air Ambulance or not?

What I am about to say is controversial on the one hand and simple and straightforward on the other.

There has just been an article on the radio that came from mid Wales: on the unofficial border between North and South Wales, they said. Sorry but because of my unfamiliarity with the Principality and the accent, I didn't catch the name of the place.

Anyway, the point of this post is that they discussed the air ambulance service. This community is remote and they said that even by the fastest possible car, it would take an hour to get from the town/village to the nearest Accident and Emergency (A&E) Hospital.

I think this is something that now needs to be asked: merely because an air ambulance can be provided, should it be? By the same token, merely because very complicated microsurgery and its attendant after care can be provided, should it be?

Some of the arguments, rehearsed in the radio programme, include that without the air ambulance service, someone, say, suffering a stroke or heart attack would miss the golden hour opportunity. Therefore, if a victim of a stroke takes more than an hour to get to A&E, their chances of survival are significantly reduced. Alternatively, if they survive the golden hour they might have a poorer quality of life than otherwise.

The lady in the radio article argued as if there is a right to the air ambulance service. I don't agree: I don't agree that the air ambulance can be provided just because it can be. Why do I say this? I say it because of the opportunity costs: that is, if we provide an air ambulance service then, in the context of finite and limited budgets, something else is either not provided or is provided to a lesser extent than otherwise.

The extreme situation here is that I firmly believe that the National Health Service (NHS) should provide a preventive and primary care service first and foremost. The expensive additional services such as an air ambulance and microsurgery can appear fantastic and can save lives and limbs. However, without a major rationalisation of the budgeting system, the basic services that I have always expected to be provided may no longer be available to me.

I grew up with a General Practitioner service in which my parents could call the GP at any time of the day or night and that GP would attend us at home if necessary or would guarantee an appointment at his surgery. This type and level of service is no longer available.

I have had a limited number of conversations with a GP who defends his resistance to carrying out calls to patients' homes because some patients are perfectly ambulant and should make the effort to get to the surgery. To what extent is the GP here justified in his approach that it should be the GP who makes the assessment of whether to attend a patient on the basis that they can afford the time and effort to get to the surgery? One of the GP's arguments is based on the opportunity cost concept: that he could visit old and infirm people at their homes rather than "wasting his time" attending someone who could get to the surgery under his own steam.

Well, there you are: some of the arguments that came to me as I was listening to that radio programme.

DW

19.3.09

Wacky Phone Names

In an idle moment at Riyadh airport last night I asked my phone to see who it could find via Bluetooth. Just find, not to hack and not to pester.

I found 15 other phones. Most phones were called Phone! One phone had an alphanumeric name and a couple had very ordinary names, like Rebecca.

Three names stood out:

Cinderella
Black Dragon
Old fart! (The ! Was part of the name)

Hey ho!

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device