12.9.09

Crisp Packets and a Glorious Walk

I put myself on a diet a while ago and lost 2 - 3 kilogrammes. I stepped on the scales last week to find I'd put that weight back on and a bit more. I was heart broken and a bit surprised. I eat loads of high fibre food, loads of fruit and veg and of course beans and peas.

I do eat other things so in the end I am concluding I am eating some rubbish things and not taking enough exercise.

I noticed in my kitchen bin last night there was an empty crisp packet and an empty Bassett's liquorice allsorts packet. What does that tell me?

I am going to be more strict and last night I went to the house of an old friend from school: we hadn't seen each other for over 30 years.

Steve and his wife Jan live in Mytholmroyd and I decided I'd walk to their place and I did. About 4 miles and it took me an hour and 20 minutes or so. It would have been a bit quicker but my map and the lack of a street sign let me down at one crucial point. Never mind, extra exercise.

I hope this will upload: a 1 minute 22 second video of part of my walk. It should make you want to come up here and take a closer look at the Yorkshire Dales even though I took the film with my phone and the lighting was a bit awkward.

DW

10.9.09

Congratulations England

England have just beaten Croatia 5: 1 at Wembley which means they have qualified for the World Cup Finals next July.

Well done lads!

England expects this day that every Englishman will do his duty ... Who said that?

DW


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Scotland the Brave

Sorry to see that Scotland lost to The Netherlands just now. A shame as it would have been good to see them in South Africa.

Hard luck lads!

DW


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7.9.09

The new Home Office

I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning up my second bedroom which is the room that I have just had remodelled. Now my home office takes up the space liberated by the two cupboards that used to be in between bedrooms one and two.

It needs decorating now, once the plaster has dried, but I needed to move in today because the sun is shining (I know, almost incredible) too brightly in the conservatory where I have been working for the last two weeks or so.

Well, I'm in and even though I added two more electric sockets and I haven't connected everything up yet, it's already mini spaghetti junction with one laptop, second monitor and printer connected.

I will post photos here once I've finished everything.

DW

5.9.09

Well done Scotland!

Scotland 2 v 0 Macedonia

This keeps Scotland's World Cup 2010 hopes alive.

Good to watch, second half especially.

The Netherlands next week lads!

DW
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This could be the last time

I am reviewing my online presence as I am now running three web sites. www.duncanwil.co.uk, my original web site; www.excelmaster.co.uk is NEW and I am putting a lot of effort into it; www.oxbow.org.uk is being allowed to die as it was a commercial venture that didn't work I'm afraid.
I also manage two blogs: this one and Duncan's Diacritical Discussion, my business blog.
I have been checking the world's response to this blog and it is woeful: I am gathering readership figures now but no one is linking to it and there are only two followers. If the readership is as low as I fear it might be, this blog will cease to be by the end of this month if not sooner!
In spite of that I do enjoy putting the blog together and will probably continue to do that privately if this one has to go.
My business blog will probably stay as I want to use a blog with excelmaster.co.uk. Alternatively, the business blog will go and a new one, based on Microsoft Excel, will replace it.
DW

4.9.09

BBC Proms: whatever happened laddie?

Last Friday night I thought I'd take a break from my usual habits and listen to the Proms on Radio 3. I tuned in, all excited like, only to find a talking programme in progress that went on ... and on ... and on ... I went back to my old habits.

Last night I tried again. There was chatting going on  but only for a few minutes. Then I settled down to listen to the Proms proper. Not my kind of music at all. Can't even remember what it was. I then went to YouTube and found Allegri's Miserere mei, Deus as I told you earlier.

Third time lucky? I went back and tuned in during some piano concerto. Not that good but tolerable. That finished and then what started after that I cannot begin to describe. It was one of those tunes that someone wrote while they were defiling a sheep or something. The kind of music that no one understands but thinks they are the only one who doesn't so they listen politely and talk loudly and effusively about it over the Champers.

In all honesty, I could have played that "tune" and I can play no notes of merit. I wondered how on earth the composer wrote such a thing down.

DW

Guestbook Gone

I installed a guestbook on my site a while ago and whilst it's not something I do seriously or ever really open, I left it there. Today, for some reason, I was driven to take a look at it and found that it had grown to almost 1Gigabyte in size.

So I downloaded it, opened it and found a third of a million messages in there. Every 3, 4 or 5 minutes it received a message for months. So, some clever dick found the guestbook and did whatever he (baseball cap wearer, ponytail sporting and spotty young man no doubt) wanted, over 300,000 times.

Well, it's gone now and won't be back.

The same happened when I started a Discussion Board on another site. It looked good and worked really well until the porno and spamming people persistently got into it.

I knew in the case of the discussion board that security was likely to be an issue but I decided to see if I could control it all with a weekly tweak or something. I couldn't. That's a shame too as I wanted to build up that site with people who wanted to engage with my and the team I as working with.

Fortunately I have lost nothing particularly tangible from my experiences and if ever I do want a serious guestbook and so on, I'll buy a secure service.

Bleeders!

DW

3.9.09

Stunning Ceramics

About 20 years ago I started to buy some limited edition plates from the Matfen Hall pottery in Northumberland: images of inspiration, Neus Design. I took a drive there one day only to find it was closed ... I couldn't go back and now there is a hotel there!

I have tried for years to track down any more of these plates or even anyone else with them. The plates were always limited to a run of 5,000 pieces and the lowest number I got was almost 600. So there are many of us about.

I followed a new lead this morning and have found someone else, in fact two other people, with these plates. However, I like the plates and really would like more of them. They are not massively expensive and from what I have found they have not held their value.

Here are the plates I own: if anyone knows anything, please let me know via a comment here or via my email address duncan_at_duncanwil_dot_co_dot_uk. The background to the plates is my dining table!!

ancient_pathways_front_small

celtic_matrix_front_small

celtic_web_front_small

cuthbert_front_small

spiral_front_small

DW

Gregorio Allegri's Miserere Mei Deus

Years ago I went to a performance of Rachmaninov's Vespers at King's College Chapel, Cambridge. It was utterly divine in every sense. I bought the CD too but really one needs speakers of the size and quality of the Chapel to appreciate the music.

I went to Salisbury Cathedral one Sunday afternoon about three years ago and entered to the kind of music that we think is reserved only for heaven. I went back a couple of weeks later but they were singing something different and it wasn't as good for me I'm afraid.

Well, yesterday I listened to Gregorio Allegri's Miserere Mei Deus on the radio and although I had heard it before, I have never shared my experience of it before. I am currently listening to a version of this work recorded at King's College Chapel and while the quality of the recording is not too good, it still transcends the ordinary. I love choral music anyway, as just a few people know; and this is among my favourites.

You can listen online to the version I am currently listening to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZL3POaATn8&NR=1

There is another version that I have just listened to, too, that sounds better but is shorter. This version has the score to read along to: if you're lucky enough to be able to sing along too then that's excellent for you! Here is that version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C4xmB1QWYk

Someone wrote a note that this is not music to listen if you're sad. I can see why they say that but I'm not sure I agree!

DW

31.8.09

The Navigation Sowerby Bridge

What have the following got in common?

  • two Milky Way bars
  • a Curly Wurly
  • a Fudge bar
  • a Sherbet Fountain
  • a Swiffels Matlow Drumstick
  • a Flumps
  • The Navigation Pub in Sowerby Bridge

Give in?

The link is the Sweetie Pub Quiz they hold on Sunday evenings. Nominally starts at 9 pm and it's a shout out loud quiz where the first person to shout out the right answer to a question earns the right to dip into a bag and pull out one of the above sweets.

The list above is my personal haul from last night's quiz: I got the answers to the first two questions right and thought, better not answer too many more!!! Over the quiz I got seven questions right myself. The fundamental rule is no shouting out until a question has been asked in full. In that case the young girl with the sweetie bag gets to dip into it rather than anyone else. Well, I did that: what position did Pope John Paul II play in his football team in his younger days? I bellowed out far too early but got the answer right ... what position did he play, then?

There's also a separate play your cards right game and since no one won it last night, next week's cash prize will be £260. Buy a sheet of raffle tickets for £1 and that gives you five chances to get into the Play your Cards Right game. Gail from our team got the right to have a go but she drew a pair very quickly so we were disappointed! Shame!

I don't drink alcohol these days but the beer and cider and so on seemed to go down well so there you are.

When we arrived at the pub I asked Nev, brother in law, to buy me a strong lemonade. It was a joke and he understood but for some reason it absolutely threw the girl behind the bar and I ended up with a tiny bottle of bitter lemon!! We didn't make that mistake again!

A good night out with nine of us and a full pub: celebrating another brother in law's birthday: happy birthday Danny Butt.

DW

28.8.09

Modern Script Writing Jokes!

On Radio 4 this week there is a story at the end of Woman's Hour to do with the Holy Grail that seemed to be set in medieval Europe and in modern day England, as far as I could tell.

Yesterday there was a medieval character on there who was made to say the following:

Now you got money don't you.

I ask you!

DW

27.8.09

Noctua Pronuba

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think I have just found two Large Yellow Underwing moths in my conservatory. They were both dead and now that I have found them I realise they have been dead for a few weeks.

I don't use the conservatory very often and I had seen a blob on the carpet at the far end of the room. I thought the blob was a bit of fluff or dust.

I found the one behind the blinds first and then took a second look at the blob on the floor and found it was also a dead moth.

From Wikipedia:

The Large Yellow Underwing (Noctua pronuba) is a moth, the type species for the family Noctuidae. It is an abundant species throughout Europe, one of the most common and most familiar moths of the region. In some years the species is highly migratory with large numbers appearing suddenly in marginal parts of the range.

This is a quite large and heavy moth with a wingspan of 50-60 mm. The forewings are quite variable from light brown to almost black. The darker individuals often have a pale streak along the costa. The hindwings are bright orange yellow with a black sub terminal band. As with other Noctua species (and numerous other insects), this contrast of drab at rest and bright in flight is used to confuse potential predators. This species flies at night from July to September and is attracted to light, sometimes in huge numbers. It will also visit flowers such as Buddleia, ragwortand Red Valerian.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Yellow_Underwing

Here is my photo of one of under side of the two moths:

moths_2_colour_adj_crop

DW

Taking Spreadsheet Orders

I have mentioned a few times already that I am writing a book on Excel 2007 and have already uploaded and am working on a new web site to go with it.

I want the book and the site to be as relevant and user friendly as possible so I am asking people, anyone, if there are any spreadsheets they would like to have developed, free of charge. Please bear in mind I do not program with VBA I am afraid.

There are and will be loads of spreadsheets aimed at accountants and bookkeepers. In addition there are already a few spreadsheets for manpower planners as I have been working with a manpower planning expert to develop those. There are spreadsheets to deal with statistics and data analysis. I am waiting for some engineering commissions and will be preparing some spreadsheets that marketing people might use.

So, anything you think I might be able to help with. It could be something that needs finishing, something that needs updating from Excel 2003 to Excel 2007, something that you have got ideas for but that you don't know how to do.

This is a genuine and open offer and if I can do what you want and it fits within my objectives then I will do it.

Please write to me at duncan at duncanwil dot co dot uk ... address coded to keep the SPAM to a minimum.

DW

Don't know who to blame

Someone must be blamed but I don't know who!

I have been making excellent progress on my new Excel 2007 web site: soon to be unveiled. I have uploaded some video to the site and I have created a couple of pages, of many to come, with Spry tabs. Then I knew that the home page to www.duncanwil.co.uk needed a bit of tlc so I gave it some!

Then for some reason that I spent around two hours trying to fathom, the layout of the home page collapsed. I thought I'd repaired it at one stage but to no avail.

Anyway, I really have no idea what the problem was so I did the only thing I could do. I rebuilt the entire Spry tabbed section and now, tough wood, the home page is back to normal.

Praise be!

DW

26.8.09

A First Class Young Lady

Just heard from daughter Fran: she got her results and she's just been awarded a FIRST CLASS HONOURS degree.

How good is that?

Pleased as Punch and Proud as a Peacock

DW

24.8.09

From Catherine Slack to Brighouse

You wouldn't want to be my legs today!

For the first time in a long time I joined my sister, her husband and other family members on an 8 mile cross country walk on Saturday. Now, I have been going to the gym every other day and going on the treadmill for a couple of miles and then the bike for another 2 - 3 miles but it did not prepare me for that expedition.

We didn't rush at all, taking about four and a half hours in all and we stopped a couple of times but it took it out of me! I woke up on Sunday in creaky mode and walked a bit like John Wayne in Rooster Cogburn. Today I woke up even creakier and the muscles set solid when I sit down for any length of time but they do loosen up fairly readily when I start moving around.

In spite of that and in spite of my legs almost giving out at one stage as we scaled over 100 steps on a steep hillside I really enjoyed the walk, the countryside and the effort. I will happily go on the next trek.

Here are some photos to keep you going.

The view down the valley from near Catherine Slack:

valley_view_thumb

A tunnel through the trees about half way round!

tunnel_thumb

It's Shaun the sheep!

shaun_thumb

I love dry stone walls!

dry_wall_thumb

DW

Brilliant?

I have written about this before but was still surprised to come across the example, from a Radio 4 programme about lottery winners this morning:

Lottery Winning Caller: I feel physically sick
Lottery Rep: Brilliant

Now, why was that brilliant I wonder?

DW

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22.8.09

I were away ...

... When we did fractions and that.

I am standing next to a map of Halifax town centre next to the bus station in Halifax and on the map I can see

The town hall quarter
The George's quarter
The market quarter
The theatre quarter
The Piece Hall quarter

Erm, FIVE quarters?? There must be a good explanation.

DW

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The only man?

Why is it that every time the BBC mentions Abdelbaset Ali Mohammed Al Megrahi they call him THE ONLY MAN TO HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF ... ?
Do they ever say, for example, Jack Scroggins, one of 500,000 benefit fraudsters ...
Or even, Elizabeth Battengurg, the only crowned Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland ... currently reigning??
Clots!
DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

20.8.09

The Wonders of Modern Technology

Here I am working away in my office at home and I can do my work on this laptop and at the same time I have plugged in a spare monitor and am keeping an eye on the final test match, England v Australia via skysports.com ... a must win game for England.

Marvellous!

DW

Burnley ONE Manchester United NOTHING

Burnley's first game at home in the Premier League and they have WON!

Fantastic!!

Come on you Clarets!!

DW

19.8.09

I Love Work ...

I could stand and watch it for hours. Name the author!

I am working away on my new book and across the road there are three people painting the fence of a house and digging up the front garden and moving some large paving stones around.

The people involved are

  • a 30 ish woman, the owner of the house
  • a slightly older woman, sister or friend?
  • a young boy, 14 years old ish and possibly the son of the second woman

When they started their work, they all began by painting the fence and they made good progress.

The owner of the house then moved away and started to dig the garden, leaving the other two to continue painting the fence.

As the work got too heavy for the house owner, the second woman moved from painting to digging and moving the heavy paving stones.

That left the boy alone. He painted with some gusto as he leaned on the hand rail that goes from pavement level to garden level. Having lived with three teenage boys I predicted to myself that this boy will be in serious difficulty when he can no longer lean on that hand rail. And so it proved to be!

As the women are digging and sweating their way across the garden with spade and paving stones, the boy has been drinking orange, consulting with the women but now is sitting on the steps leading up to the garden and throwing  a hammer across the garden in an attempt to get it to stick in the soil as if it were a knife! Painting activity there is none!

The boy is uncontrolled and apparently shameless!

DW

I put it in, I did, I did!

On Saturday I got home to find a new viewing card for my Sky television set up. All I was supposed to do was to take out the old card and put in the new one. I looked at the box and could see a slot but there was no card in it and I couldn't see any other slot for any other card.

I put the card in the slot anyway and even though there was no message on the screen as there was supposed to be, nothing broke or stopped so I was happy.

Then last night, Monday, I started seeing a message on the screen telling me to put the card in the box! I said, I have ... This kept happening: maybe half a dozen times in 24 hours so I decided to do some research on the Sky web site.

I found what the message meant and what I should do about it: put your card in the box, it said. Well, I was flummoxed. I read through the instructions and then the extensive FAQ and could see nothing I had done wrong.

Then in the corner of the web site I noticed a photo of a Sky box like mine and lo and behold right next to the slot where I'd inserted my card I could see a flap behind which was another slot! I had known nothing about that slot before.

I scuttled over to my box and found the flap, took out the old card and inserted the new one. Instantly I was presented with the message I had been promised. I did what I had to do and now all is well with my television world.

So there you are and it's Celtic 0 v Arsenal 1 as I type this. C'mon Celtic!

DW

18.8.09

Some Photos What I Have Took

Here are a few photos I have taken over the last few days. They come from my phone camera so may not be up to my mega camera standard!

First photo is an oddity: the warning of death by suffocation is to be found on a safe in an hotel room in Geneva. The size of the safe is far too small for me to get my head in and moreover it is around five feet off the ground so a child hell bent on suffocation would have to be extremely determined!

suffocation_1

The next photo subject caught my eye outside Bradford Forster Square railway station, West Yorkshire. I liked this one:

bradford_forster_sq

Again from Bradford, this is a sand sculpture of Charles Darwin. My guess is that it is around 10 - 12 feet tall. Very impressive and the photo that follows explains the purpose of the sculpture.

bradford_darwin_1

bradford_darwin_4

Bit of fun there then and well done Bradford for livening up our lives a bit.

DW

How did that get there?

I think I need a cleaner when I know the reality is that I only want one. Well, judge for yourself as you read this story.

The fridge in my house is small and around five years old. It was a cheapy, cheapy fridge for young Master W's room in Halls. When we all went our separate ways and he no longer needed the fridge, I took the fridge.

This fridge absorbs water from the atmosphere like a sponge and it gets deposited and frozen in the tiny freezer compartment at a rapid rate. Consequently, because I am not fully sorted out domestically (I am really but I don't want to be), I have been squeezing the few frozen things I buy into a smaller and smaller aperture. When I got back from my trip on Saturday I resolved to defreeze the thing and start again.

It has taken until today for me to be able to get round to mopping up the water and cleaning the fridge. However, in the freezer compartment I found some vegetables that I simply cannot remember ever putting there. More seriously, there was half a block of LARD in there. How on earth did that get there? Lard? I never buy lard cos I'm a veggie. Do I? Did I?

Anyway, I know I need to defrost the fridge much more often as I think that was the first time in two years.

Hands up if you think I need a cleaner!

DW

16.8.09

Forgive the Aeroplane Story

On the flight from Zurich to Manchester today I was happily minding my own business when an elderly well spoken woman got on and started talking about her seat and that of her husband, also an elderly person. She announced that he couldn't sit in the seat assigned to him, a window seat, because he needs to have the arm rest lifted ...

One of their seats was the seat next to me and the other was the seat next to the man in front of me. Good egg the man in front of me, he selflessly moved to another seat, the one in front of him and not the one next to me.

The old man slithered his way into the seat in front of me and all was well with the world.

Then one of the stewardesses came out from behind their curtain and said to the good egg man that he couldn't sit in the seat he was now in because it was a business class seat. He said he had given up his seat for the gentleman behind him. The stewardess insisted that it was a business class seat and he couldn't sit there. The man stood up, announced he'd never heard anything more ridiculous and came to sit next to me. He then had a strop on for an hour or so!

The old woman said to her husband, "These people don't seem to want to be very helpful do they." I think in their case, they were helped sufficiently well. Why they accepted a window seat for the old man is something I would have questioned.

The next time I looked at the old man he was taking a mighty swig from his duty free gin bottle.

End of story, such as it is.

DW

14.8.09

Lausanne here we come!

Your ace reporter is currently ensconced in the first class compartment of the 1327 train from Geneva Airport to Lausanne. On time and so far, we have just arrived at Nyon, a very smooth ride.

The journey is scheduled to take 48 minuted and, perhaps not surprisingly, the railway line hugs the coast of Lake Geneva. There are alpine heights to be seen across the lake and into the distance.

On Wednesday from Geneva city I could see a snow covered mountian but today's mountains are bare.

On this showing, Switzerland is a very neat and tidy place. Even the maize plants, sunflowers and fruit trees are very tidily arranged in their fields.

More later.

DW


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What's Wrong with me?

How about this? Young Master W trolled off to Kazakhstan for a few weeks and as I got involved in booking his ticket and saving him wads of cash, I got him to use my KLM frequent flyer card details. He did!

As he checked in to come home they said, good evening Mr Williamson I see you've got a frequent flyer card with us.

Dima replied, it's not mine it's my dad's ...

They said, no matter, we're upgrading you to Business Class anyway.

WHAT?

What about me? Never happens to me!!! Even with my Gold Emirates card I've NEVER been upgraded on long haul.

Well done that lad but for goodness' sake!

DW


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13.8.09

Lock it Jobs!

Found this accidentally.

If I put my BlackBerry on top of my iPod, the BB immediately closes the desktop and locks the keyboard.

Not sure if anything bad happens but so far so good.

DW
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11.8.09

Mushrooms that Taste like ...

Last night, here in the airport district of Geneva I took a walk and ended up in a Pasta and Pizza place. I ordered and ate a mushroom pizza.

Guess what the mushrooms tasted of?

Yes, mushrooms!

Unlike most of the mushrooms I buy in the UK, these mushrooms really tasted like they should. Mushroomy!!

How about that?

DW


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8.8.09

InContext Editing

Although it's serious overkill in some ways, I use Dreamweaver CS4 to edit my web site. This week I came across and started to use what they call InContext Editing and it's marvellous. I can make a tiny amendment to any page that I choose and I can then edit that page online in real time without the need to fire up Dreamweaver, open the file, make the changes, upload the file ... so far I am just tinkering with it, but first impressions are positive.

DW

Microsoft to the Rescue and The Power of Two Monitors

Microsoft Saves the Day

Strange but true but for a reason I have yet to fathom, my OCR software has stopped working and it seems impossible to reinstall it. So, I NEEDED an OCR solution. The knight in shining armour was the Microsoft Document Scanning and Imaging software. Now, it's not the best but after a couple of trial pages I have to say that it was a breeze to use and has then allowed me to scan in and edit 16 pages of text without too much stress.

Two Monitor Solution

I told you the other week that I have been using a two monitor configuration at home and that is continuing apace. The biggest triumph so far is that I am sat here in my office working away and watching the Ashes cricket at the same time. Not a wall to wall size image but plenty big enough since it is only about two feet from my eyes.

DW

5.8.09

Is it Obligatory?

Do the contestants on Master Chef on the BBC really think that by repeating that they are passionate makes them automatic selections for the big prize?

Rank amateurs being given the impression they can become a master chef as a result of a competition is another one of television's nonsense ideas.

DW


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Dreamweaver and Adobe Magic

I am easily pleased! I have just edited my first page using Adobe/Dreamweaver's InContext Editing utility. Very smart and ideal for me. I am really aiming at a CMS based site but have had no luck with a PHP based version so with this I have taken one more step on the road.

My new website, the site for my new Excel 2007 book, will be up and running soon and that WILL be CMS style: put together by yours truly using Dreamweaver and the SiteAssist extension.

DW

The Lady MacDonald: what a pleasure

I have just watched a cookery programme hosted by Claire MacDonald of MacDonald: the Lady MacDonald. What a pleasure! A cook who is confident and who knows what she is doing. Although she mainly cooked non vegetarian food, it wasn't difficult to appreciate the quality of the food she was preparing.

One other feature that caught my attention was her language: excellent! A good grasp of grammar and vocabulary. Never once did she say, "Look at that" as she dragged something ghastly from a pan or the oven: she left that to the likes of James Martin and Ainsley Harriet.

She used the word amalgamate, for example and, unlike Gary Rhodes, never even hinted that some creme fraiche was "happening" in the mousse.

Well done the Lady MacDonald! A pleasure to watch.

DW

4.8.09

Have they come?

I had a stir fry of sorts from the Flaming Wok in the food court near to the hotel and whilst the food was tolerable, I can hardly report that the wok was flaming.

I wanted the veg combo but was told that they didn't have one of the ingredients so I had to make do with a cabbage dish and an aubergine dish together with the pretty good noodles.

Now, I have never been a fan of aubergines except inside an excellent mousaka and I have to say that I was prepared to give the stuff a go. It was ghastly! My problem with cooked aubergines is that they are slimey. Slithery and slimey. No thanks. Sorry to say they went in the bin.

As I was eating my food I sat opposite another fast food outlet and saw, to my surprise and delight, a food that I have only previously seen on sale in Kuala Lumpur outside of the UK. Now, I know these food items can be bought elsewhere but I haven't been there yet! What could it be that we love in the UK, they clearly love in Kuala Lumpur and that they can buy (not sure they love them to the same extent, you see) here in Dubai?

There is a clue in the title of this post!! It's a bit cryptic but if you can crack the code I will buy you one of these if ever we meet!

DW

3.8.09

Hobby Horse again!

They've just been advertising Shark Month on National Geographic and I thought, hmm, that could be good.

Then they showed a silly young woman in a diving suit under water who said, "It's amazing!"

Think I'll give it a miss now, then. Otherwise I'd spend the month on some kind of "amazing" count.

Just my foible, don't worry.

DW

1.8.09

Foggy Skies in Dubai and Coordinated Fish

Murky Skies

It's been a bit murky here in Dubai over the last few days. In spite of the forecast for today it still is. There is a lot of dust in the atmosphere apparently so whilst it is hot outside, it appears to be overcast and a bit murky.

Coordinated fish

This is one reason why I could never be an interior designer. I went to a restaurant yesterday and not only were walls, furnishing and floorings all really attractively coordinated but so were the fish in the aquarium. Now, I would probably never have thought of that!

30.7.09

Brunch? Not in Yorkshire!

I just realised something the other day. Brunch is an acceptable word now, of course, but it really doesn't fit in Yorkshire.

Since Yorkshire folk have breakfast, dinner and tea, we combine breakfast and dinner into BRINNER.

You heard it here first!

By the way, did you see that dolt on one of those BBC cookery programmes who said that brunch shouldn't be too heavy or it will ruin your lunch! Where do they get these people?

DW

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Night Time's a Good Time Apparently

Corwin's Quest on Animal Planet

That TV wildlife type just said night time is the perfect time to see some of Australia's nocturnal creatures.

Really? How amazing.

DW

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24.7.09

Wrong Day for Someone and an Upgrade

The Wrong Day

I joined the check in queue at Manchester Airport as there was a man already checking in. Based on my history of queuing experiences I was not overly worried at the time he was taking. But he had his laptop on the counter and switched on. He had his mobile phone glued to his ear.

After a while he left with all of his bags. Apparently he isn't due to travel until tomorrow! Now, let me be unkind and ask was he too keen to escape something OR very keen to reach somewhere? Just asking!

Upgrade

When I got to the gate I became the cause of a hold up. I wasn't worried but the KLM lady scurried around quite a bit for quite a while. When she came back she told me I had been upgraded to Business Class.

I am NOT ungrateful because I got a sandwich rather than a packet of TUC biscuits. However, I am now praying for an upgrade on the next leg: considerably longer than the 50 minute flight to Amsterdam!! Praise be!

DW


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Swine Flu and BBC News

On the six o'clock news this evening the health correspondent said that the new government flu pandemic web site had opened this afternoon with hits of 2,600 per second. The reporter said that was AT THE RATE OF around 9 million an hour.

In the 8 o'clock news summary on BBC 1 they said there had been 9 million hits on the flu website in the first hour.

Where is the editorial control at the BBC I wonder?

DW


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23.7.09

My Spreadsheet Book

A few people are asking me about the progress of my latest book: working title is Spreadsheeting with Mr Sprite.

Good news: I have completed around 7 or 8 chapters now and have carried out my research and preparations for a few more. The book is aimed at Excel 2007 and is a comprehensive introduction to it. More than that, it includes a number of practical examples that people can use as templates for real life work. I am collaborating on part of the book with a manpower planning specialist (the world's number one, no less) and he is giving me material and ideas for what to include in that section.

I am aware that Microsoft is within a year or so of releasing Excel 2010 so I am keen to ensure I get in well ahead of that deadline!

Here is the current contents page ... subject to change. If YOU would like me to include something that you cannot see here, please write to me and I will consider all suggestions. duncan at duncanwil dot co dot uk ... please interpret that! I get enough spam in my inbox so don't want to encourage any more.

Contents

Part One: Introductory

1 Basics

  • Introduction
  • Pencil and Paper
  • Basic Functionality
  • The Ribbon
  • Screen Resolution
  • Minimise the Ribbon
  • The Quick Access Toolbar: the QAT
  • Basic Rules
  • Add Subtract Multiply Divide
  • More Complex Calculations
  • Try it!
  • Built in Functions: SUM ... AVERAGE ... MIN ... MAX
  • Auto Fill
  • Auto Fill Menu
  • Formatting Cells
  • Moving Around your Workbook
  • Changing Column and Row Sizes
  • Moving a Column or Row
  • Formatting Text
  • Cell Border
  • Try it!
  • Consolidation Exercise
  • Selecting non Contiguous Ranges
  • Why Select Non contiguous Ranges?
  • Print Areas
  • Transposing Data
  • Cell and Range Addressing
  • Range Names

2 Charting

  • Introduction
  • The Rules of Charting
  • Setting up a Chart the Easy Way: the F11 key
  • Default Chart Change
  • Creating a Template Char
  • Embedding a Chart with the Chart Wizard
  • Embedding by Moving
  • Titles and Axes Labels
  • Copy Charts: make clones an move them
  • Other Charts
  • Category Axis Contains Labels from Three Columns
  • Conditional Colours
  • Waterfall Chart
  • Create a Stacked Column Chart
  • Finished Waterfall Chart
  • Alternatives
  • Percentage Waterfall Chart
  • Radar Chart
  • Self Expanding Chart
  • Excel 2007 Solution 1
  • Excel 2007 Solution 2a
  • Excel 2007 Solution 2b
  • Selecting Data from a Combo Box
  • Spreadsheet Allowing the User to Highlight Alternative Scenarios
  • Table and Chart Selection Including a Combobox
  • Charts with Scroll Bars
  • Basic Chart and Rates of Change Chart
  • Ten year financial review of a company
  • Double Vertical Axes
  • Additional Charting Exercises
  • Text to Columns
  • Deriving Values from Published Charts
  • Dashboards
  • More Advanced Chart

3 Introduction to Pivot Tables

  • Introduction
  • Definition of a Pivot Table
  • Why you need a Pivot Table
  • Example PTs
  • Copying a Pivot Table
  • A Copy of a PT is a Clone of a PT
  • Copying your PT
  • Changing Sum of to Average of to Count of ...
  • Moving a Field from Row to Column
  • Drag and Move Within the PT
  • Drag and move the chosen field within the Task Pane
  • Filtering a Field
  • Sorting a Pivot Table
  • Formatting Fields
  • Calculated Fields
  • Drilling Down
  • Calculated Item
  • Other Calculated Item Features
  • Adjusting the Formula
  • More Complex Formulas
  • Forecasting with a Calculated Item
  • Values
  • Show Values As
  • Grouping PT Data
  • Starting or Setting up a PT
  • The Grouping Process
  • When Grouping is a Problem
  • Pivot Chart
  • Formatting a Pivot Chart
  • A Pivot Chart with a Data Table
  • Formatting
  • Page Fields
  • Multiple Page Fields
  • Reporting with Page Fields
  • Pivot Table from an External Source
  • Part Two: Data Analysis

4 Pivot Tables 2

  • Expense account analysis
  • Double entry bookkeeping
  • Trial balance
  • Final accounts/reports

5 Ratio and Other Company Analysis

  • Ratio analysis of company information ranging from the simple to the complex
  • Common size statements
  • Growth ratios in ratio analysis
  • Z Score analysis
  • Using the ToolPak Add-In that comes with Excel
  • Descriptive statistics
  • Histograms
  • Correlation analysis
  • Ordinary least squares (regression) analysis
  • There is a database of company data to accompany this chapter and the detail of the chapter will refer to that database throughout.

6 Statistical Analysis

  • This chapter enhances the work started in chapter 5 above and includes
  • t statistic
  • Standard Error
  • P Value
  • F statistics
  • Confidence intervals
  • Multiple regression analysis
  • The relevant range
  • Chi square test
  • Non parametric tests
  • The Box and Whisker Plot
  • More Useful functions for analysis
  • INDIRECT
  • INDEX
  • OFFSET
  • MATCH

Part Three: Decision Making

7 Behaviour of Costs

  • Splitting costs into their fixed and variable elements
  • MINVERSE
  • MMULT
  • Non linear costs
  • The linear treatment of costs: true and fair?

8 Cost Volume Profit Analysis

  • Building on the work of chapter 1 of this part of the book, we will now explore the practical application of the behaviour of costs under the heading of cost volume profit or break even analysis

9 Marginal Costing and Decision Making

  • Continuing with the theme of the behaviour of costs and the application of it to management accounting situations, in this chapter we explore how a knowledge of marginal costs can be used in decision making.

10 Traditional and Activity based costing

  • Traditional overhead analysis: absorption costing
  • Allocation
  • Apportionment
  • Re apportionment
  • Overhead absorption rates
  • Absorption costing
  • Activity Based Costing

11 Budgeting

  • This chapter concentrates on the preparation of budgets and budgeting reports that include:
  • Functional budgets
  • Cash budgets
  • Master budget
  • Budget reports
  • Balanced scorecard reporting
  • Activity based budgeting

12 Capital Budgeting

  • Payback
  • Accounting Rate of Return
  • Net Present Value
  • Profitability Index
  • Internal Rate of Return
  • Divisibility of Projects

13 Excel Techniques for Analysis and Decision Making

  • Goal Seek
  • Scenario Manager
  • SOLVER

I'm nervous about leaving it at 13 chapters and will probably expand that to accommodate the manpower planning spreadsheet models.

DW

If I Have a Little Weakness and I Have a Little Weakness it's a Passion for a ...

Where does the quotation in the title come from and can you finish it?

Yesterday I began to prepare for my next trip by going to the supermarket and buying some odds and ends. One thing I bought, for some inexplicable reason that had lodged itself in my head a week or so ago, was a packet of Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts (see photo!).

allsorts

After tea (that's dinner for those of you with ideas above your station ;-)) I ate a few of the Allsorts. Then a few more. Then some more. So I pushed the bowl they were in to the opposite side of the coffee table.

I resisted the rest of the Allsorts until around half an hour before I went to bed. Then I scoffed the lot.

Well, I haven't had any for quite a while and I won't have any more for another while I suppose. So, a little of what I fancied has probably done me good.

DW

21.7.09

Biodegradable

I was discussing with son Andrew over the weekend how I might knock my kitchen about a bit and create a bit of extra space for myself together with adding a breakfast bar or similar.

As I looked deep inside the cupboard under the stairs where the work could take place I found a carrier bag on a hook behind the door that I had not noticed before in spite of having lived here for two years now. I decided I didn't need that bag to be there so took hold of it and most of the bag fell away from the part I was then holding on to. Odd, I thought!

I bent down to pick up the rest of the bag and that started to fall apart too. After one more attempt, it resembled a flower that has been smashed on the floor after having been dipped in liquid Nitrogen.

Hmm! So biodegradable bags really do degrade then. Moreover, it's best to let them fall apart in the soil I think as it's a bit of a struggle to pick up the bits even with a dust pan and brush.

Fascinating science!

DW

Dual Monitors

A while ago I attached my currently redundant Asus VW202SR monitor to my laptop hoping to use two screens/monitors in tandem. The laptop found the other monitor and let me add it to extend my Desktop.

Hooray!

Boo!

It just sat there: I expected it to give me perfect functionality ... but it just sat there so I unplugged it and harumphed. Gatesed again!

I decided to try again and the same thing happened. I thought, this can't be right: I have seen loads of people using two and more screens at one time. So I did a a bit of research and now I am typing this on my laptop screen and reading an article from the McKinsey Quarterly site on "How finance departments are changing ... "

Marvellous! Did Gates get something right or am I dreaming?

DW

19.7.09

Irony?

I thought the following was amusing.

I got an email from amazon.co.uk: the usual marketing stuff. Here are three of the books that it said I ought to buy today:

1 Balanced Scorecard: step by step for Government and Not for profit Organisations

2 The Little Book that Builds Wealth: the knock out formula for finding great investments

and now for the punch line

3 Fooling Some of the People All of the Time: a long short story

Made me laugh anyway.

DW

16.7.09

Andrew's Graduation: Salford July 2009

A memorable day out in Salford yesterday as I accompanied son Andrew to his graduation ceremony with the degree of BSc from the University of Salford. Second class Honours, upper division ... can't get much better than that.

Well done!

I took over 100 photos but was so wrapped up in it all that I forgot to take a photo of the two of us together.

Well, here is Andrew, all bedecked in his academic robes ...

andrew_topper

Here's an arty photo with added animation/life ...

andrew_bridge

Here's Andrew with his good friend and one of his lecturers: Pearl in the middle and Lei on the right as we look ...

andrew_pearl_lei

The first of the kids to graduate: Fran next then Dima then Daniel.

DW

5.7.09

Explaining Enron

Old MacDonald had a farm and on this farm he had a donkey. But the donkey died. What do you do with a dead donkey? The farmer thought he would sell it. Knowing no one would want a dead donkey, the farmer decided to raffle it. At £2 a ticket, no one questioned the state of the donkey. Old Macdonald easily sold 500 tickets. That’s a grand for a dead donkey that would have fetched £250 alive. The prize was drawn and the winner discovered the donkey was dead. He complained. So Old McDonald gave him back his two quid!!!

E i e i o!

Many thanks to http://www.peoplealchemy.co.uk/samples/9.html for that peach!

DW

Not so Tired

Malcolm (my next door neighbour) came round yesterday afternoon as I was typing my previous posting and I have to say I found it extremely difficult to keep up with the conversation for the full two hours. It was if I was seriously jet lagged or hung over: neither of which applied.

I ended up going to bed at 9 pm and fell asleep fairly soon afterwards. However, I woke up at around 4:30 am. Not good. Then I drifted off again and didn't wake up until around 7:50 am.

I still feel a bit rough but certainly better than yesterday.

So far that is!

DW

Dog Tired Today

I know you want to know ... at home and doing almost nothing today. I woke up at around the same time as normal, just after 6 am but then rather than skipping downstairs for my early morning coffee and pot of yoghurt, I drifted in and out of sleep for the next three hours or so. So I didn't really wake up until around 9:30 am and I feel rough because of it.

I am currently watching the England Lions v Australia cricket match. England have got two sessions in which to try to score 445 runs or bat out for the draw. What do you think? England Lions have just lost a wicket and are now 29 - 1.

Stunning soup, no added fat. Butter beans, cooked; add a stock cube or cook the beans in your own vegetable stock; chop and add one medium sized onion and a small can of chopped tomatoes. Cook until everything is perfect. It didn't even need any tomato puree to enhance the flavour. Gorgeous stuff, especially with your fresh home made 50: 50 wholemeal: white flour bread with butter.

DW

27.6.09

Zonked, More Bread and Wimbledon Wit ... Not

Thise week must have been harder work than I'd thought. I have been pottering about today and, really unusually for me, falling asleep when I settle down to watch the tennis, the rugby or anything else on the telly. ZZZZZ!!

I had decided to take it easy today anyway and virtually started it by baking some bread. Fresh home made bread, butter, mature cheddar and some lettuce leaves. Lip licking good!!

Don't you just admire these people in the crowds at Wimbledon who shout out things like, "Come on Andy ... " Then someone else shouts, "Come on Andy ...". Then we hear someone else shouting, "Come on Andy ... " Such variety and such wit!

DW
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26.6.09

London Done!

Urgent email arrived on Tuesday at midday. Can I run a course in London for two days starting on Thursday?

I got the details and having reviewed them I said yes.

So here I am sitting in the air conditioned customer lounge at King's Cross having delivered quite a credible experience for my delegates. Can't leave until 1903 because of my off peak ticket and it's only 1730 now.

Didn't see much of London and I'd explore a bit more now but my feet hurt and my case is heavy!!

Home late then. At least my bed is comfy!

DW


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18.6.09

Vegetarian Breakfast?

Anyone fancy this for breakfast?

Grilled tomato
Grilled mushrooms
Baked beans
Spring rolls

OK up to the spring rolls?

That's what I got on the KLM flight from Muscat to Amsterdam this morning. What were they thinking?

DW

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Encyclopaedia!

At the end of the last day of my seminar in Muscat, a delegate came and chatted and said I am like an encyclopaedia!

I thought, hmm, does she mean too heavy, dusty and sits on a shelf all alone and unloved? No, she said I seem to know everything!!

I am for hire!!

DW

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17.6.09

Brilliant, another frigging tax!

Those Oxbridge boffs have hit on another spiffing wheeze to extract more money out of the unwary. There is a suggestion that

Every Briton with a fixed line phone will pay a "small levy" of 50p per month to pay for faster net access.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8102756.stm

Why? I have installed and run broadband internet access in my house and have been paying handsomely for it. I have been doing that for many years now. Even when I travel I leave it all switched on, the service that is, not my computers. so, I am hardly a drain on the system.

I am an exception and I don't want to pay even if it is only 50 pence a month.

I was considering taking my broadband mobile anyway and if that's free of this poxy tax then that's what I'll do.

One more thing: this is going to be managed by the government so it won't work will it? Their track record on IT systems is wanton so it will start at 50 pence a month and then it will soon get to £5 a month ... and will be overseen by a Politician who has even managed to dodge paying Stamp Duty on his own house such are the rules that he has managed to manipulate in his favour.

DW

15.6.09

You know you've been Gatesed when ...

... you create and save a Word 2007 file as a Word 97 - 2003 file and think you can take it to another computer running Office 2003 to open it and print it.

  • Of course the first Windows computer will try to open it as a Notepad file. Then it will tell you that the file is corrupt.
  • Of course the second Windows computer will be unable to identify your USB memory stick
  • Of course the third Windows computer will open the file but be completely unable to open the very simple jpg graphics that the file has embedded in it

So, go back to your original file in Word 2007 and save it as a PDF file. Take it out of Gates' hands. I should have done that in the first place.

Ah but there's more.

Last night as I was preparing the document I knew I'd got a copy on my system: it just had to be there. I even knew the key words and everything. I searched in my main working folder and sub folders but Windows Explorer in Vista told me it didn't exist. I changed the key word a few times and each time I got the same result: nothing.

I used manual methods and found what I wanted.

This morning I thought I'd try the search again since it had failed on this file and on several others. Now it worked.

Something I have noticed of late, only lately, is that if I put the computer to sleep, it wakes up with a headache and often refuses to let me surf the web and download my emails: using a browser and Outlook 2007.

Let's all buy an Apple Mac

I see that Apple are releasing more of their wondrous products and I'm telling you, the next comp I get will be as far removed from Bill Gates as I can get.

Just one example of the ad I've see today says that I can get as much as seven hours out of an Apple laptop battery. That's as opposed to the hour - hour and a half I get and have only ever got from all of the laptops I've ever owned and used. Sorry, I don't want to hear that Jimmy Shand plc's laptops can last for a fortnight because that's just the start of it!

Apple has also SHRUNK its OS by 6 Gb ... when did MS ever shrink anything except our wallets and our productivity?

Apple has also shrunk the price of their OS to £29 from £150 (I THINK they are correct).

I will tell you what Windows laptops are good for: hand warmers in Winter as they invariably made the CPU run to capacity whatever else is on board and therefore generate many BTUs of heat.

DW

Take Care

I told a story yesterday as part of a brief discussion on Learning Curves.

I said I used to use my daughter's toys as props when getting students and delegates to assess their personal learning rates. Toys from when she was 2 - 3 years old.

After the session one of the delegates came to me and blithely said, without a hint of ageism, "Your daughter must be quite old by now"!!

Pshaw!!

DW

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13.6.09

Thatcher 'armless?

I see that woman Thatcher has broken her upper arm. Why stop there madam?

There are people all over the UK and elsewhere no doubt who feel no sympathy for that woman.

DW

Twisted People

There is a device available now that can be used to detect whether people have been taking cocaine by sniffing it. It's a device that uses ultra violet rays and any cocaine it finds stuck to skin or nasal hairs lights up green.

Bouncers at night clubs are using these drug torches as they are being called to see if anyone is trying to get into their club has taken any cocaine. The last thing they want is some moron high on cocaine getting into the club and then drinking something alcoholic. Apparently, cocaine and alcohol mixed in the same body at the same time can turn people extremely violent.

Good idea then? Well, not for everyone it seems. Some clowns from the drug charity Release say the drug torch could be illegal as it could be an invasion of privacy. Even some police officers are worried about the torch because they fear it might be a breach of human rights. One woman interviewed by Newsbeat for the BBC told their reporter, "I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm not a cocaine addict. We've just had a cocaine torch shoved up our noses for no reason."

Are all of these people mentally ill? They worry about a drug abuser or drug addict's privacy and human rights when it is more than well known that drug addicts are costing us all billions in NHS treatments and time off work. Drug addicts who drive are many times more likely to crash their cars and kill and/or maim than a drunk driver let alone a sober one. Even within the privacy of their own homes, druggies are a menace.

I want to say here and now that if anyone who needs to protect society feels the need to use a drug torch on me, they are free to do so. I have nothing to fear in the slightest. More than that, they have my permission to do that to anyone else they see fit. If we all say the same, we can rewrite the definition and application of privacy and human rights. After all levels of privacy and human rights are set by people for people.

This is why many aspects of modern life are intolerable for so many people now. Moreover, several layers of our society are free to to what they want at the expense of the rest of us because of these tree huggers.

DW

11.6.09

Bulk Buying?

In a department store with my companion recently and we saw a couple and their baby triplets. Of course,the triplets received loads of attention.

I said it’s just one baby … but buy one get two free! Oh how we laughed!

DW

8.6.09

Gordon Brown WILL Survive

I feel the need to let you in on what appears to be a massive secret in the UK’s political world: Gordon Brown is our Prime Minister today and he will be our Prime Minister tomorrow and even at least up until the next general election.

Brown became PM because of an apparent deal done many years ago. Moreover, the Labour Party went through a sham election to put him in place as it fielded no candidate to oppose him. They are seriously regretting that action now.

Brown is commonly referred to as being unlikeable and difficult to work with. Well, he’s been a senior member of the Labour Party for a very long time so that can hardly be a surprise to anyone now can it? That’s not to defend Brown in any way since I don’t known him at all. Additionally,the people who say he is difficult to work with might be the very ones who have lost out to him in some way and are therefore venting bile. The same happened to Tony Blair who was criticised by the likes of that Claire Short who fell foul of Blair at some stage so she decided to vent bile against him.

Let me also say that Brown was a dreadful Chancellor of the Exchequer at least for building an Economy on sand: the sand of over extensive credit, loans and mortgages … just look at the car industry and the housing market now. The market for cars has collapsed by an average or around 30% over the last year as the availability of credit has collapsed … the car industry propped up by credit and not prosperity. House price inflation raged as the easing of the mortgage market took off: self certification, 100% – 125% mortgages and so on.

As to Brown’s Prime MInisterial life, he will survive for the simple reason that if he is thrown out, the Labour Party will be forced to hold a general election, whether by law or by political machination doesn’t matter. If there is a general election now the Tories will get in despite the fact that they unelectable as is the Liberal Democratic Party. Don’t forget, MPs are politicians first so they will not shoot themselves in the foot by ousting Brown.

What will happen is they will give Brown a slapping. He will be allowed to stay in post until the next General Election and then he will be ditched. Labour will probably lose the next Election next year anyway but at least by waiting for a year or so, they might be able to regain some of the ground they are currently losing to the opposition parties.

Finally, we have been hearing over the last few weeks that Labour MPs have to rally round and unite for the sake of the Labour Party. Aye, there’s the rub! These people in Parliament are more worried about the Party than they are about the country and the likes of you and me. I have written before about the demolishing of the Party system and stress again: political parties lead to party politics which lead to in fighting and short term politics. Get rid of it.

Brown is here to stay, for now!

DW

7.6.09

RIP Grasshopper

You probably know that David Carradine, alias Grasshopper from that ancient television programme*, died in an hotel in Bangkok last week. Sad as the news is, I want to share this with my readers.

Grasshopper died in the Nai Lert Park Hotel which is on Wireless Road in central Bangkok. He checked in on 31st May and although I didn't know he was there and didn't meet him, I was staying at that hotel at the time.

I checked in on 29th May and checked out on 1st June. So for a few hours I can say that I shared some space on this planet with super star David Carradine, Grasshopper.

You might have read that Grasshopper died in rather unusual circumstances but that doesn't diminish my memories of his acting career as far as I knew it.

RIP David Carradine

DW

*Carradine, a martial arts practitioner ... was best known for the ... TV series Kung Fu which aired from 1972-75. He played Kwai Chang Caine, an orphan who was raised by Shaolin monks and fled China for the American West after killing the emperor's nephew in retaliation for the murder of his kung fu master.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ipVUX_BySIOm7FCTgbyATYx9NrywD98LL9I80

6.6.09

It's Just not Cricket! And what about the Football?

The Aussies are in town and the battle for the Ashes is upon us: England won the Ashes the last time battle was engaged on English soil, the Australians won them back shortly afterwards, in Oz.

How has England been preparing for the up and coming Ashes series?

  • A poor Test series in the West Indies last Winter
  • A poor one day series in the West Indies last Winter and early this season in England and now, ignominiously
  • By losing to the Netherlands in the Twenty20 game in rather an embarrassing way

It's embarrassing that England has lost to the Netherlands but to lose when firing on one out of four cylinders is unacceptable.

It's trite now to say that England took cricket to the world, although of course it is undeniably true; but we really ought to be unbeatable by a country mile by the likes of the Netherlands.

Football

As an aside, the England football team takes on Kazakhstan this weekend in the qualifying rounds of the World Cup to be held in South Africa next year. When they played the Kazakhstan team at Wembley they got a shock as it turned out not to be so easy as they thought it would. Then the Kazakhstan team did what lower level teams do, which is to run out of steam. Up until that point however, the likes of Terry and Rooney were in danger of suffering significant embarrassment. No doubt England will take at least a point away from Almaty this weekend and leave all of the embarrassment to the England cricket team

DW

4.6.09

Oh! Windows 7, Windows 7, wherefor art thou Windows 7?

Good question!

I am using my HP Tablet laptop as an experimental computer these days since it has proven so useless and unreliable otherwise (Pavillion 1350ee). I am testing Windows 7 Beta there but thought I'd give Windows 7 RC a go.

I went to the Microsoft (MS) site and after a bit of bother I managed to get the download of the massive file started. It took well over an hour but I was patient, I choose the location of the file and it finished downloading successfully as far as I could see.

After the file downloaded I went back to check what I had to do to install the thing. I needed to create a DVD of the ISO file I had downloaded ...

I went to the folder I had selected for the downloading of the file. Erm, empty, nothing, nada, zilch, nul. I thought, that can't be true so I went to windows explorer and searched for the file: nothing.

In similar situations I often go back to the source, start the downloading process again and then see where the file had really gone. Well, I've been Gatesed! I am unable to start the downloading process again.

So, Gates being Gates, the process of testing MS software has proven impossible. Astonishing innit?

DW

2.6.09

Screen Writers are Getting more Ridiculous

Everyone who comes here regularly knows that I bemoan the ruination of the English English language. Well, I watched the film about Dylan Thomas on the plane last night. British film, British cast, set in Wales, many people spoke with Welsh accents. Even Keira Knightly spoke with a Welsh accent, eventually that is.

Very early in the film, Knightly's character appears as a singer in war time London. Then as she gets home to Wales she explains to Dylan Thomas, a childhood friend and one time lover, that she is "Singing in the Underground right now"!

I couldn't believe that the screen writer would make a war time Welsh girl say right now in any situation whatsoever. I am surprised that Knightly herself didn't spot how out of place it is and I am shocked that the director or editor or someone didn't think to change that to what she would have said. She would have said something as simple as now or at the moment ... but certainly not right now.

FFS as my nephew is wont to say!

DW

Emirates what have you [un]done?

My impressions of the A380-800 inaugural from from Bangkok to Dubai are that I was very disappointed.

I have followed the development and launch of the A380 with everyone and I have seen promotional videos of the various cabins on the aircraft as they are offered by various airlines.

When I got into the Business Class cabin of this A380 I was very disappointed. So disappointed that I invented a new word: Emirates has sardinised its business class passengers for this aeroplane. In the Emirates Boeing 777ER, on which I have also travelled business class, there are far fewer business class seats and the level of personalised service is much higher. Fair enough, they don't know how to make a decent vegetarian sandwich but there you are, a trifling detail!

Last night, I felt let down: so many seats and it seemed to me that we were being serviced by the same number of crew as in Economy Class. Not what I upgraded for!

They had not registered my vegetarian meal request although there was a generic vegetarian option on the menu. They asked me, however, what I wanted and I did stress my vegetarian requirements: the stewardess said no problem and wrote it all down. Then she brought me my appetiser that included some sea food. She apologised and promised me the vegetarian alternative but it never came.

The meal itself was fine: the mezzes were good. I like Middle Eastern food anyway so there was never going to be a problem with that! The tortellini was basically poor as I could have made/prepared better myself. Dessert was good, a chocolate cake with custard ... foreigners, however, fail to appreciate the English appetite for custard and around 15 millilitres is far from adequate! I have to say that by the time the meal service had finished it was well past midnight and getting rather late for me. We had a nominal take off time of 2125 and took off at almost exactly 2200.

The service of the food was rather offhand and the level of service I felt was in direct proportion to the number of crew on duty.

I did like the bar area as that attracted a number of people, including me. I took an orange juice and could have eaten snacks all night. The good point is that it strikes me as a good opportunity to get out of your seat and meet someone who might be interesting. I met a man in the bar from Bangkok in there, originally from St Helens, who was on THE inaugural A380 flight with Singapore Airlines that flew from Singapore to Sydney. He had all his certificates on display for everyone to see: it's one of 4 such inaugural flights he's done now.

No other refreshments were served although they were always available in the bar and each seat has its own little bar with water, juice and so on available.

One thing that they might have to change is that many of the men travelling last night had rather large stomachs so the slide out tables will be unusable by many of them! That's a fundamental marketing and design flaw in my opinion! Of course, I didn't have a problem!

The entertainment system is excellent, I have to say. The large touch screen is excellent and the controls on screen are a doddle to use. There is even a mini control pod thing for each seat that controls the video and audio as well as the seat.

The seat is heavily marketed as being 100% flat bed: nope! Mine did not go 100%, not far off but not far enough for me to be able to sleep in it as if it were a flat bed. I did sleep a couple of hours though.

One nice touch: after I had paid a visit to the bar I got back to find that someone had made up my bed with some sort of mini mattress and they had folded my blanket really nicely. That was good!

Here is my certificate of having flown that inaugural flight:

a380_cert_small

One final thing: this is my first ever inaugural flight and I have to say I thought that Emirates would have made a bit more of a fuss of us than they did!

DW

1.6.09

Inaugural A380 Bangkok to Dubai Flight: EK373 1st June 2009

I have just taken my seat on the inaugural flight of this monstrous plane.

Since it's my first time on this plane and it's the inaugural BKK - DXB flight, I decided to upgrade to business class.

Seat 6G ... Front row. As befits my station!!

The wings are absolutely immense, made in England. There's a camera in the massive tail fin.

Will report more later.

DW
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30.5.09

Uncle and Neice do Bangkok

When there a few people in a family who can't sit still, it's great when travellers' paths cross.

As I came back to Bangkok for the final leg of this two month stay in Thailand, my neice was also here on her stopping off point as she tripped off to Bali for her hols. We arranged to stay at the same hotel in Bangkok and met up on my arrival last night.

Had a nice dinner at the Metropolitan Hotel and then on to the Brown Sugar jazz club cum pub on Sarasin Road.

From the Met, we zig zagged across Bangkok trying to find a taxi driver who knew where we wanted to go.

Eventually we ended up in the lively Brown Sugar. During a conversation I got animated and started flailing my arms. I accidentally knocked my glass (Sprite!) and it ended up smashed on the floor.

We didn't hear that much music due to the lateness of our arrival and we realised it was time to leave when they turned all the lights out.

A late night but a good one.

DW
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28.5.09

Sweet Sue Cupcakes 2

Following my earlier post on Sweet Sue's cupcakes, take a look at the photo below and then go to this web site again: http://www.sweetsuecupcakes.blogspot.com/

Don't forget, if ever you're in Kuala Lumpur, you probably need to buy some of Sue's products.

sweet_sue_cake_crop

On the screen of the laptop(!) is the word Acer ... attention to detail or what?!

Nice cakes.

DW

25.5.09

Burnley Promoted!

Fantastic Burnley have just beaten Sheffield United at Wembley and they are now a PREMIER League team.

Can you see how it's done Shearer?

Brilliant Owen Coyle's the man!

DW

Back the Losers why don't you?

I wrote in my Blog this morning about the FORMER Premier League football team Newcastle United and its latest manager. Well, I want to say how sick to death I am today. On the BBC there has been Shearer this and Shearer that. Shearer coy about his future. Shearer says we weren't good enough.

We KNOW you weren't good enough because you were relegated. Two other teams were relegated. More than that, what about the teams that achieved something. What about lauding managers like David Moyes at Everton and Martin O'Neill at Villa? Two great managers for whom I have huge amounts of time and respect.

Let's have an interview with Martin O'Neill. After all, even the late great Brian Clough was in awe of O'Neill's vocabulary and use of language. Unlike the burbling, erm, Alan, erm, Shearer, erm.

I really do despair at the agenda of these oafs at the BBC. Everyone loves an honest John but why do they want to ram the losing Newcastle United down our throats?

DW

Sweet Sue CupCakes

You've got to go here http://www.sweetsuecupcakes.blogspot.com/ and if ever you're in Kuala Lumpur, you probably need to buy some of Sue's products.

I am working with Sue this week and I have ordered a cake for later in the week and I will report back. They look fantastic.

Well done Sue, a new small business that deserves your support I think.

DW

Zapper!

If you are a fly or a mosquito or other such flying object, do NOT read on.

Forgot to tell you about the fantastic tennis racquet I saw in Chiang Rai the other week. Sitting in a massage parlour one evening, having my FEET massaged, we were all being bombarded by flies, mossies and the like. The man of the house came along with a tennis racquet and started wafting it about in my vicinity.

Suddenly, tzzzz! Then again, tzzzz! This tennis racquet was a zapper in disguise! Maybe through evolution flies have become familiar and unafraid of tennis racquets but zappers dressed up as tennis racquets seem to have them fooled.

I want one!

Then again, how about a tennis racquet shaped Swine Flu zapper!

You heard it first!

DW

Wemberlee, Wemberlee, Wemberleeeeee!

Apart from the FA Cup all domestic football issues have been settled, bar one: the final promotion place from the Championship to the Premier League.

Burnley is the team in my sights and many members of my family are wending their way to support that self same team at Wembley later today. Here's hoping their journey isn't in vain.

Under Owen Coyle, Burnley is a team transformed. I saw them at Turf Moor shortly before Coyle took over and then again about a year after he'd arrived and what a transformation.

Then there has been the Capital Punishment meted out this season. Now we are Daring to Dream: let's change places with Newcastle United, that grossly over bloated FORMER Premiership team.

I don't wish any teams' supporters any harm but that oaf Mike Ashley has tried to make many millions out of buying and selling a football club and I am happy to say it back fired on him catastrophically. I was also happy that Alan Shearer, surely the worst football pundit ever, has failed as a manager: the over bloated status bestowed on this man is too much to bear. Now we know Shearer is as clueless as a manager as he is as a pundit. Then again, reports are that he has been rewarded to the tune of £1 million for the eight games he has been in charge so he should worry.

DW

Time Zone

As you travel from one time zone to another and a mobile phone doesn't change the time properly and you KNOW that, make sure you know what you are doing when you use that phone to set the alarm to wake you in the morning

You wouldn't want, effectively, to wake up two hours early would you?

DW

Trousers

If you insist on wearing trousers you have owned for years and that you know have a slight tear near the back pocket, make sure the seam in the vital area is in tact.

Wouldn't want any embarrassment would you?

DW

Well done Sunderland

Another season of Premier League football at the Stadium of Light. Well done everyone.

How about mid table or better next season, though, eh?

DW


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24.5.09

Haway the lads!

Having lived in Sunderland for a few years and having supported the team flawlessly in that time, let me urge the Black Cats to play their hearts out today as they face Chelsea and the drop out of the Premier League.

Don't bodge it today and let the Magpies off the hook. If one of you goes down, let it be them.

DW


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Yoghurt pots

This has been bothering me for years but I have finally snapped: no reason, I just snapped!

Has anyone designed a yoghurt pot that doesn't involve the need for moebus strip mathematics to empty? Since I eat yoghurt from pots in many countries, I don't think so.

We will hear arguments to do with shipping, stacking, filling machines and so on but what about the consumer? Moreover, what about all of the yoghurt that inevitably gets lodged in all those crevices and left behind?

End of this rant.

DW




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23.5.09

Hotel Fodder

I am staying in a good hotel but having been living in hotels non stop since early April, I am in need of my own bed now. Still got around 10 more nights to go before I can crawl into that bed.

Let me show you where I am staying until tomorrow: in Bangkok and in a hotel I have not stayed in before: the swissotel Nai Lert Park on Wireless Road. You will see that it's set in a fantastic garden considering it is smack bang in the centre of the city.

love_the_roots_nai_lert

Love the roots

travellers_palm_nai_lert

Traveller's palm 

waterfall_nai_lert

Waterfall 

pool_nai_lert

Pool

DW

22.5.09

The BBC's Ethical Man

They've done it again, the good old BBC. They ran a series on BBC TV in the UK in which a reporter changed the way he and his family, living in London, were living. The car went, they insulated the loft and all the rest of it, to try to show us what it would be like to minimise our personal carbon foot prints.

So, having done that, they decided, as they usually do, that this programme had so much more to offer but that the UK was just too confined a space in which to operate. So, they send this reporter off, doubtless with a large and/or expensive team, to the USA for him to learn what it's like over there.

They are interviewing hippies who are lobbying Congress, hick farmers sitting on a train for 22 hours at a time as they travel to Florida from Chicago. They were delighted to meet the likes of Darryl Hanna on a train, too, as she was expressing her right to lower her own carbon foot print.

In other words, this reporter is doing NOTHING that he could not do in the UK. If I could I would withdraw my TV licence as I really do not support the way they dash off to the USA at the drop of a hat as they forget that the acronym BBC stands for BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation.

Clots!

DW

21.5.09

Coming to the end in Thailand

Thanks for the messages asking me where I am ... I've not been blogging so often and you are missing me! Aw, isn't that nice?

New Seminar

I am coming to the end of my two months in Thailand now. In about two hours I will begin my two day assignment here. Looking forward to it as it is one of the best chances I have had to run a seminar where the delegates really will be at the centre of their own world.

The seminar is on cash flow and working capital management. I have prepared everything on the assumption that the delegates are coming to talk about THEIR cash flow and THEIR working capital management problems. So that's what's going to happen.

Bridge Over the River Kwai

Such a beautiful setting and such a nasty piece of work. I went to the River Kwai for the first time on Monday and it's difficult, impossible for me, to walk through the museum of the death railway with feeling really sad for the men whose plight we cannot in any way empathise with. Moreover, revulsion at the people, yes people, who made our men and boys live and work in such conditions. Humans doing this to humans.

Anyway, here are two photos of me for your consumption: one of me on the iron bridge over the river and the other of me with one of the railorries they built: lorries converted into railway trucks.

Overall the trip I was on lasted a whole day, 13 hours from door to door and was a good experience: the cemetries are fantastic and a lasting tribute to the men of many nations who suffered so much.

on_bridge_kwai

kwai_lorry 

The Future

From early June I will be spending a couple of weeks at home <gasp> and can hope, horrible word that, that I will put my photos and videos together in some semblance of order. Lots to see.

Moving to Thailand

I have been asked if I am thinking of moving to Thailand to live and the answer is yes, I have been thinking about it. Might still think about it. I will reflect on that over the next few months so let's see what happens.

Thanks again for the support I get via this blog and thanks for thinking about me!

DW

14.5.09

Al Rehab

I kid you not, the cafe in the foyer of the Intercontinental Hotel Al Jubail, Saudi Arabia is called Al Rehab.

Ironic considering Saudi is a dry country!

DW


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13.5.09

Burnley FC one step nearer ... and a top tip

Whilst Burnley FC were bounding through to the Championship play off final at Wembley in almost two weeks, I know someone who was patiently waiting in Saudi Arabia for the match to be screened live on the telly in his hotel room. Here's a top tip: don't wait for such a major event whilst you are tired with the television SWITCHED OFF. Otherwise you might find yourself waking up three hours later having missed the entire game. DW

10.5.09

Dream on

Burnley 1 Reading 0

Championship Play off 1st leg.

Good start.

Up The Clarets!!

DW


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