Afternoon Tea is Back!

Went back to Raffles Hotel at the Wafi Centre Dubai for afternoon tea today and it was really good. Very creative!

Here's just one of several photos to drool over!

DE

Dubai Night Time and Me!

Here are some rarely seen views of Dubai ... and a suave one of me!

DW

Charger Charader

The other day I stared at my travelling mobile phone ... that's the one that gets the local SIM cards when I travel ... and realised that the battery was running down. Then I had a vision of the USB cable that connects to the phone being on my dining table and NOT anywhere near the phone.

Grr!

Last night I walked to the Mall and bought a new charger for around GBP12 and then charged the phone. All was well.

When I woke up this morning FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON I asked myself, did you check in your briefcase for the Nokia phone charger? The answer was, No!

So I looked in the briefcase and there was my charger ... not a USB cable but the full and proper Nokia charger.

Well, it really isn't unusual for me to have two chargers for a phone so having two chargers for the Nokia makes things normal. However, the manner in which I got the second charger makes me a charger charader ... and a clot!

DW

The answer's 23

I was asked today to list the countries I have worked in over the last ten years ... here it is:

Bosnia and Herzegovina
Kyrgyzstan
Kazakhstan
Uzbekistan
Romania
United Kingdom
Afghanistan
Dubai
Abu Dhabi
Kuwait
Oman
Saudi Arabia
Switzerland
Hungary
Thailand
Singapore
Vietnam
Malaysia
Pakistan
Holland
Sudan
Albania
Qatar


Thought you'd like to know!


DW

It Couldn't have Happened to a Nicer Club!

The world knows now that Blackburn Rovers FC has been relegated from the Premier League.

Sorry for that ... not!

DW

Dubai Mall and Rather a Large Moon!

I managed to finish my work reasonably early this evening so decided to go for a walk to the Dubai Mall: just 15 minutes or so up Financial Centre Road from my hotel. The weather was not too hot and therefore I had a comfortable walk. I peregrinated for about three hours altogether, with a stop for dinner of about half an hour in the middle. I bought some of my favourite Molton Brown soap while I was there so t' job's a good 'un.

On the way back down Financial Centre Road I saw rather a large moon in he sky. Of course, my big moon snapping camera and lens are in the UK. The reason the moon looks so big is that it has just been at its perigee so is about as near to Earth as it gets ... so it looks bigger at the moment. It looks a LOT bigger. It would have made a nice series of photos too. Grr!

DW

This is good fun!

I found this accidentally last night but really enjoyed it. Of course, you will find that some of the people who left comments on that page are warped!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCFCeJTEzNU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

DW

On the Sun Terrace

Well, it could be worse! I am sitting on the sun terrace of the hotel looking at at the Burj Khalifa which is about 300 - 400 metres away. About to eat for the first time in about 12 hours.

I know where I'm going ... !!

I arrived at Abu Dhabi airport early this morning so had to hang around for a while as my meeting wasn't scheduled until 11 am: I made a call and had the meeting brought forward though so that was good!

Then I got into the taxi:

Me: Al Salam Street, please
Taxi Driver: in Abu Dhabi?
Me: (inwardly) Oh! No! Here we go again, shades of Qatar!

We drove in the general direction of the city and I made 6 ... 7 ... 8 phone calls, handing my phone over to the driver. Of course, he KNEW the AREA but not the exact street ... Pfffft! We stopped at the building he believed to be the right one: labelled TAQA when it should have been labelled TRA. I went along with it and he carried my bags. Well, we had not arrived at my destination but we were within a block of it so that was alright then!

After that, with just two hours' sleep on the plane I had a 3.5 hour meeting and then had to wait for an hour and a half for a car to get me to my hotel. Let me be perfectly honest and admit that I was taken to the wrong hotel because of my own ineptitude but that was resolved fairly quickly!

It's just after 5 pm now and I had intended to have a nap and then ruminate on the output from today's meeting but will eat, then work, then sleep early.

Early start tomorrow.

Chin chin!

DW

Serious Gardening

After almost two years I have finally started to get to grips with the garden. Lawn mowed ... but it's had a bad winter; THREE new fruit trees ... Cherry, raspberry, blackberry; and herbs and flowers.

Take a look:

See your OWN Doctor Mister!

It is my deeply held view that any head of State must be able to be treated by the medical profession within his or her own country to retain any credibility at all. Alternatively, make it possible for all of their fellow countrymen to go abroad for medical treatment.

Banda in Malawi was treated in the UK and South Africa
Mugabe treated in Singapore at the moment
Chavez in Cuba now

I could do some research and find hundreds more no doubt. I don't care about their fine words and well intended policies, if they don't make health for their country a priority then they deserve the same treatment as everyone else.

Duncan

Sell by Date

I just read a story in which a woman had been found dead in a chair in her house eighteen months after she is thought to have died. They said they estimated the date of the woman's death by using the sell by dates on food in her fridge.

In that case, if that were to happen to me they could estimate that I had died as long ago as 2009! There are foodstuffs in my cupboards that go back that far. If son Andrew hadn't cleaned out my cupboards a couple of years ago there would be things still there from 2005!

DW

That woman and the Euro 2012 Football Championship

She's at it again: a very famous woman from across the pond. There's a Chinese dissident who is now probably under greater threat than ever before and the former Prime Minister of the Ukraine is seeking to benefit from this woman's attention. Disgraceful! None of her business.

More than that I see these wretched politicians are now lining up against the Euro 2012 Football Championships. Politicians here not going, politicians there not going ... GOOD! You would only be sitting in a seat you didn't pay for, staying in an hotel you didn't pay for, eating high quality food you wouldn't have paid for. Clear off! Let a proper football supporter have your seats.

DW

Broadband my 'arris!

All I wanted to do was to watch and listen to a short video on YouTube. Less than five minutes in duration but I didn't get to the end of it.

Stop start, stop start.

Will any broadband provider accept the challenge of giving me FULL access to their services without lying to me and give me £1,000 if they fail? Then I can watch this video in peace.

DW

Another airline tax? Get lost!

This is a simulcast with duncan's diacritical discussion Read this article and then my comments below http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/8d2ca858-92f2-11e1-b6e2-00144feab49a.html#axzz1tFw6P9cn --oo0oo-- This is a joke, yes? Cameron agrees so that's it? The reality is that politicians these days are so undereducated in the ways of the practicalities of running a country that all they can think about is to increase taxes and hope that a problem will then be solved. The reality is that this is a matter of planning, forecasting and management. Is it a surprise, for example, that today, an Emirates A380 will arrive from Dubai at Heathrow (and Manchester for that matter) and another one will arrive from Singapore? Is it also a surprise that there may be more than 500 people on each plane? Is it also a surprise that this happens every day of the year? The point is quite clear, airlines have their timetables and their slots at our airports. We all know all of this. Now, just take another step or two from here: on average, how many Brits are on these planes?; how many are from the EU and so on?; how many are from the rest of the world ... la la la. Passenger arrival statistics are a matter of fact and have almost certainly been analysed ... haven't they? Finally, we get the the nub of the matter: the Border Agency knows all of the above much better than I do but in the end it's a matter of staffing and management since the plans and forecasts have largely been taken care of. Like other people on this thread, I travel a lot and would resent most strongly if ever more taxes were loaded onto passengers. For example, a recent flight: cost of ticket £42, cost of taxes and other charges on that ticket £121. Easy target or what? Duncan

New HR book from Tony Miller

There are at least two reasons for buying this newly published book: firstly, it's very practical and it's been written by a true master of his craft, DrTony Miller.

The second reason to buy is that the tables, charts and numerical analysis were driven by yours truly via Microsoft Excel.

Here's the link to Tony's site where you can buy the book.
http://www.tony-miller.com/the-new-hr.php

DW

Trapped ... Trapped!

Just take a look at the local weather forecast for the next few days ...

DW

Happy Birthday Dad!

Had he lived, my dad would have been one hundred years old today. He died just three weeks short of his sixtieth birthday.

I was only 19 when he died so I never got to know him as a man. As is often the case, all that is left of him are a few photographs and memories.

A quiet man with very little formal education, he was a partner in the family business. He finished his career as the owner of a pet foods shop on Halifax Road in Todmorden, West Yorkshire.

It always seemed to us that he knew how to drive to anywhere without consulting any maps and wherever we went he always met someone he knew!

He never went abroad so he never had a passport. He never flew in a plane. He never read a book that I am aware of.

My parents were never demonstrative people and I only ever saw them kiss once: a peck on the cheek one Christmas following the exchange of gifts.

Were my parents in love? I didn't know the answer to that question until my dad died. My mother was devastated and it was something she never recovered from and in my opinion she died of a broken heart.

Birthday wishes dad!

DW

Very Good Soup

In these desperate times, cook some soup. Today I cooked broccoli soup and it has cost me one Pound for at least four servings: in summer that would probably be six servings. One medium sized onion, halved and sliced Two heads of broccoli One cup of cooked long grain rice One stock cube Water Two cloves of garlic, finely chopped One tablespoon of oil to sweat off the onions --oo0oo-- Sweat off the onions Add garlic and broccoli, cook two minutes Add stock cube and water Cook until broccoli is cooked Add the cooked rice Add salt and pepper Marmalise the soup QED DW

Happy St George's Day

It's 23rd April and today is St George's day. St George is the patron saint of England, among other countries. So, cry God for Harry, England and St George and celebrate the day. Today is also Shakespeare's birthday! DW

Back Home, Back in Control of my Diet

I am not a vegan but I eat many vegan meals and here is one of them.

Baked potato with a kidney bean and celery stew.

Excellent!

Praise the Scandinavians and the Dutch

When I worked with a Danish company I was introduced to their fabulous liquorice sweets ...sweet and salty versions. I have forgotten the brand name but yesterday, at Schipol Airport I came across something similar and here is a photo of what I bought ... weeks and weeks' supply of these sweets! Lovely!

DW

BSOD

Ever seen a blue screen of death? That's a BSOD! In Windows Vista and Windows 8 there is no BSOD, it's been replaced by a BWOD ... blue wheel of death. My desktop runs on Windows XP which is, in my experience, the most stable Windows we have ever had. When I go away on a trip I tend to leave my desktop computer on ... whnever I come back there is ALWAYS a BSOD waiting for me ...here is the latest one!

DW

Paradoxes

Insights from a seasoned traveller ...

I have found the following over the last year or so.

After a flight/combinations of flights exceeding six hours or so, I am GUARANTEED to get leg cramps over night IF I do not drink enough NON ALCOHOLIC fluid THROUGHOUT the flight(s).

I don't drink alcoholic drinks at all but they are not a good idea while flying anyway.

Secondly, the paradox: since I had the cramps over night, I clearly didn't drink enough on my return home yesterday, so I wonder why I had to get up for a pee THREE TIMES over night!

DW

Doh! Ah! Airport

Sorry everyone but Doha airport has a lot of catching up to do. I have been travelling through Doha airport on and off for several years now and it has gone from small and a bit busy to small and exceptionally busy to extended and rather dull.

I have arrived at the new terminal here and that was painless. I have not taken off from the new part of the airport yet and I am hoping for something good.

I just read that this year QatarAirways will take delivery of a new aeroplane every 15 days. Grand schedule.

The difficulty is that the airport and some staff here and with QatarAirways are not up to speed yet.

Life's tough!

DW

Knees up!

Well, not a knees up at all. At home I walk a lot and my knees are fine unless I overdo it. When I travel I KEEP getting caught out and ending up with an iffy knee.

Left knee this week and three days ago I thought I had taken care of it. This afternoon, though, it decided to bite back. Just a bit! Lesser mortals would need a knee transplant but not me!!

DW

Knees up!

Well, not a knees up at all. At home I walk a lot and my knees are fine unless I overdo it. When I travel I KEEP getting caught out and ending up with an iffy knee.

Left knee this week and three days ago I thought I had taken care of it. This afternoon, though, it decided to bite back. Just a bit! Lesser mortals would need a knee transplant but not me!!

DW

RIP Jim

A good old man I used to work with died last week. RIP Jim Herbolich. It was nice to know you and good to work with you all of those years ago. DW

Still Saving Whales

I just proved to my own satisfaction that one can put shampoo on one's hair and then using LESS THAN A CUP OF WATER get it into the required lather. I also know that it is possible to rinse one's hair with less than a medium sized jug of water. Just so that you know. Follow this: I sit down a lot when I am not working and I have found that sitting is a science and an art. It's fine to slob around but sitting upright in the wrong chair and/or in the wrong position moves one's innards around. I am now trying to put everything back in place. I am not talking about backs and backache but innards! DW

Killing Fields Memorial Day

Today is the Cambodian Killing Fields Memorial Day.

Never forget such evil and never let it happen again.

DW

Book Review: God is not Great

Christopher Hitchens died last year and until he died I had never heard of him. I read eulogies from his fellow journalists and then heard no more until last week when, by chance, I came across some video clips of Hitchens speaking about his views on religion and I found them fascinating. I then found that Hitchens had written a book, God is not Great: how religion poisons everything. I bought the book and have now read it. Firstly, I have only read a couple of chapters of Richard Dawkins The God Delusion and I have to say that Hitchens did a far better job than Dawkins. Religious people do not like God is not Great. Not because it tests their faith but because of what it reveals about what goes on in the name of religion. Hitchens tells us, almost in passing, that he has received death threats, nasty phone calls and threats of violence for holding his view that he believes that religions poison everything. Having been born and brought up in a country where freedom of speech is taken for granted, I wonder at who it could be that would so object to someone's views that they threaten murder. That's for their conscience! As for the book, it is entertainingly written and full of stories aimed at the three main monotheisms: Christianity, Jewry, Islam. He regales us with story after story of the things that clerics hiding under these three banners get up to and have got up to for millennia. Hitchens reveals a great number of sources too: he's not just letting off steam. I have to say that I read this book for the overview it provided and not to learn the deep and detailed information that Hitchens sometimes goes into: it's there if you want it, of course. I like Hitchens' style as it is keen, ascerbic, funny, witty, well sourced and contains many words that I had never come across before. At least it will improve your vocabulary. I have to say that another motivation for reading the book is that I arrived at a similar position to Hitchens vis a vis religion over the last two or three years having seen religious brainwashing and its consequences at first hand. No God will work in that way with those people: something else is most definitely going on and I could support these things no longer, having realised what was happening. I imagine there will be people who read this mini review and who might feel angry with me for having written it: well, that's for you to come to terms with. I am glad I read the book, I learned many things about religions that I did not previously know and Hitchens gives a message that we all ought to consider. You do not have to agree with him! What's wrong with the book? Well, Hitchens has a mission, to clarify why he thinks religions poison everything. He gives no time to the good that good people in religions often do. He does not attempt to redress any imbalances in his arguments at all in this respect. If he were alive to answer this point I am sure he would ask, why on earth should I? Overall, if you are deeply committed to your religion you might not want to read this book but I think you should suspend your faith, read it and then explore fully what Hitchens has to say. Don't dismiss this book with anger in your heart! If you give Hitchens a fair hearing and stick to your guns then fine. I recommend this book to everyone but if your English reading skills are weak, it will be difficult for you: Hitchens' English language skills are highly developed and he's writing for an educated audience. No offence to anyone, just a friendly warning! DW

Sundown Over Dubai This Evening

I am missing the chance to take many photos these days and since Facebook objected to the background tracks that included in the slideshows that I created in iPhoto I have decided to stop using Facebook completely. Moreover, I have just produced a very simple series of sundown photos over Dubai and whilst I was hoping to attach the video here I have found I can't. Nothing fantastic, just take a look at my page on YouTube where you will see the slideshow. Click this link http://youtu.be/8cr4Ig0xnzk DW

Tie ... no tie!

A good thing about wearing a bow tie is that if you ever slop pizza topping it cannot slop all over your tie ... it goes straight for the shirt!! Top tip DW

Roland Hill where are you?

Whatever happened to the Penny Black? Within three weeks the Penny Black will have become the 12 Shilling Dreadful.

That will be the price of a first class stamp from 30th April 2012. 144 times the price of the first ever British stamp.

We are not amused!

DW

Christopher Hitchens

I had never heard if this man until he died last year. Last night I came across a tribute compilation of his speeches, television and radio appearances. Very interesting.

I will be searching for more.

DW

When you get access to the chequebook this is what happens

You get the idea, politicians ... I have little time for them. Here's a very good example of why.

Take a look at this article http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/william-hague/9191852/William-Hague-defends-rising-costs-at-his-official-residence.html and then tell me that this man isn't taking the slash out of all of us.

If you follow William Hague on twitter you will quickly see that he is very keen to tell you that he is jetting off here, there and everywhere: it will be first or business class too. He name drops like an elephant drops its dung. Now he's living in a palace that you and I are paying for.

He's an oik from Yorkshire although it looks as if the mucky fine accent he's got comes from having attended public school for a while and then having to be yanked out for some reason.

As an interesting aside for anyone who likes gossip, click through to the articles at the bottom of the link above: nice and sleazy does it. Wonder if anyone goes in through the back door at the palace?

DW

The Benefits of the Gold Card

Every now and again IF YOU HAVE TO, travel on an airline other than the one with which you have your gold frequent flyer card. You WILL appreciate the difference!

DW

Good men and true in short supply

I wrote this in response to an article by Lord Paddy Ashdown that was posted by Foreign Secretary William Hague on his Facebook page. Sorry, gentlemen, but you have to take responsibility for many of these kinds of situations. Of course I am not blaming you for Bosnia but in general, your jobs mean that you interfere in all sorts of situations and your perspective is generally that of a politician. Take Syria at the moment: where is the Tony Blair to go there and get a grip ... against the wishes of a US President? Kofi Annan is not the man and he left BiH etc under a cloud didn't he? I was ashamed of Annan post tsunami when he went to Sri Lanka to see the situation there but refused, even as a gesture of humanity, to reach out to the Tamil Tigers who were also suffering. That was a purely political gesture that really didn't sit well with me. Where is the person or people to get a grip? Blair blotted his copybook over the Lebanon of course but at least he took a risk and the lead over that lot. Among the many other places I have worked, I have worked in BiH and it was a pleasure to work with everyone there and to appreciate the beauty of their country and hospitality. We don't need glad handing and back slapping, we need good men to act when things go wrong. I can't even renew my passport in the UK Embassy in Riyadh and no one will explain why. Britain helping Brits abroad? I doubt very much that either gentleman will have the courage to reply! DW

Eye? Aye!

After four months or so of suffering from Vaseline Vision, I had the implanted lens in my right eye zapped by a laser beam yesterday.

Today I can see very clearly out of my right eye again as the laser cleaned off the residue from the lens.

Medical research and research into laser beams are so impressive.

DW

Who Moved Venus?

I have never noticed this kind of thing before. Last week, in Gulu Uganda I noticed Venus in the sky. I also noticed that there was another fairly bright star/planet near Venus. Just now I looked out of the window here in Halifax, Northern England and spotted Venus ... and that sister star/planet looked much further away from Venus than it did in Gulu as well as being in different places in the sky. I understand all of the above ... relative positions etc and am just saying it is the first time I have ever noticed anything like this. So I am not saying this is awesome or amazing!!! DW

Dreams of a Life: must watch film

It took me a while to get the chance to watch this film and now I have: see here for the synopsis and a trailer: http://dreamsofalife.com Here are the few words that I penned for the above web site immediately after I had seen the film: --oo0oo-- I have finally seen this film and although I have not read many of the views and reviews here I think I feel the same as everyone. Yes, she died alone but she seems to have been quite a complex character. Who knows whether she was happy or sad to be alone at the end? I have to say that I thought the way that Carol Morley has put this tribute/documentary film together was fascinating. The people who feature in the film all seem like nice and caring people and in a sense I felt that if Martin had not broken down at some stage, the whole thing would have been a sham! John Dunne is famous for saying that no man is an island ... this film proves that wrong. I have been in football grounds where there were thousands of other people all around me and I have felt alone! Joyce has been portrayed as a lonely woman. Of course, everyone was careful to say that whatever they thought might have been behind her, she was a lovely person, loved by everyone. I enjoyed the film because, like many people, when I first heard this story I was horrified; but now I know that in a sense it is not such a horrible story. Joyce's family has refused to be involved in this film and they must have their reasons for that. I will not judge the family since I know nothing about them. Their consciences will either be resting easily or eating away at them over this story. When I say the story is not so horrible I mean that things are clearer to me now; her friends have explained many things that make what happened more understandable; and in the end Joyce just died. I think we should all appreciate the amount of work that Carol Morley has put into this film: the story boards, post it and notes that we see throughout the film are testament to that. Carol has found out a great deal about Joyce, her life and friends. I won't get sentimental and say that I know and understand Joyce now because I don't. I am content, though, that whilst she died alone, Joyce was not without people who cared for her: she didn't always realise that though did she? Thanks for all the effort Carol and everyone involved in the making of this film. --oo0oo-- Watch this film! DW

The Irish in Uganda!

I had dinner in a very nice restaurant in Gulu, Northern Uganda last week and on the menu I saw the word/dish IRISH. So what is Irish doing on a menu? They mean POTATOES!!! DW

Uganda Trip

I have just returned from a 9 day trip to the town of Gulu in Uganda, 2 degrees south of the equator. My friend Shakespeare is living and working in Gulu and he invited me to go and spend some time there. As many people know I lived in Malawi for five years from mid 1988 to mid 1993 but I have not really been back to Africa since then, apart from about three weeks spent in Khartoum over three years.

I enjoyed to trip and it took in eating Malakwang to drinking gallons of fluids to an excellent trip to Murchison falls via Murchison National Park.

I will be writing an essay on my findings of those few days in Africa and watch out for a video on YouTube courtesy of yours truly.

Here are some photos for you but take a look at my Facebook page for even more.

Malakwang ...	With host Shakespeare ...
12 feet tall lone Elephant ...	Gormless looking Water Buffalo ...

Mar... what?

Just had my normal breakfast in the dining room and I was being treated well by the waiter as I was the only guest there. So life went on and. As I got to buttering my toast I asked the waiter if they had any Marmite; ever keen to please, he dashed to another table looked at whatever was there and, with a smile, lifted a small jar and brought it over to me. Marmalade. I said thank you! He HAD answered my question: no, they don't have any Marmite; but he hadn't understand my question.

Never mind, just a little story and no harm done!

I realise that some people come to this blog who will have no idea of the difference between Marmite and Marmalade: the following two links should help!

Marmite:     http://www.marmite.com/love/
Marmalade: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/marmalade

DW

Back Home Again!

Back Home Again!
I returned from my latest trip but not in the rudest of health. I have fallen victim to air conditioning and I am hot and weak! I slept all morning and have come back to bed already ... It's only 18:18 but I feel comfortable with my bedside cabinet full of fluids.

DW

You MUST see these

I have just listened to the BBC Radio 4 programme Soul Music and this time it was discussing Handel's Messiah. They mentioned a flash mob rendition of the Halleluja Chorus so I went to YouTube and found this one ... I wish I'd been there!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

As I looked for this video, I found this one from Antwerp ... music and dance ... do re mi from the Sound of Music ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQLCZOG202k&feature=related

And from T5 Heathrow ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMbYPVxfRmw&feature=related ... our lot can ruin any good idea.

A much better one from Singapore's Changi airport ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6-fHQZU9vk&feature=relmfu

And this one from Birmingham ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM2Agu_DktM&feature=related ... Michael Jackson Thriller

Best, formal, choreography has to go to this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=9OawiTae0bA ... another Michael Jackson based one.

There are other flash mob videos on YouTube that you have probably seen and I think they are all fabulous too.

DW

British Politicians

I have seen politicians come and go in the UK but it strikes me that the current batch are the biggest crowd of sub standards we have ever had. Having made that assertion, I will tell you now that I have done a bit of digging into the careers to date of some of our most senior politicos.

PM Cameron ... no real experience and did PPE at Oxford
Deputy PM Nick Clegg ... no experience and did Social Anthropology at Cambridge
Chancellor Osborne ... no experience and did History at Oxford
Foreign Secretary Hague ... limited experience and did PPE at Oxford
Education Secretary Gove ... journalist and did English at Oxford

Ed Miliband ... no real experience and did PPE at Oxford
David Miliband ... no real experience and did PPE at Oxford
Ed Balls ... no experience and did PPE(?) at Oxford

Get the drift? We are all at sea aren't we?

DW

Birdwatch!

Earlier this Winter I felt sorry for any birds around my house and having found myself with some waste lard to get rid of, I made up a fat candle: lard, seeds and breadcrumbs, moulded it and put it outside for the birds to eat.

Day 1 ... no birds
Day 2 ... no birds
Week 1 ... no birds
Week 2 ... no birds

For several weeks there were no birds in sight. Eventually the fat candle went and I started putting out my waste bread and that went quickly.

So, I am getting the birds used to my free food and now I want to set up a hide in my kitchen so that I can take photos of them.

I'll keep you fully informed!

DW

Recipe from my Khmer Cookery Course

I did promise to share some of the recipes from the cookery course I did in Siem Reap and here is a dessert for you.

Nom Tong Noun

Ingredients

Rice flour 1/2 Cup

Duck egg x 2

Sugar 1 tablespoon

Coconut cream 1/2 cup

Black sesame seeds 1 teaspoon

Oil 1/4 cup

Method

1 Set aside one duck egg and the oil

2 Take the rest of the ingredients and combine to make a batter

3 Beat the remaining duck egg and mix with the oil

4 Heat your NTN or waffle pan until its hot

5 On one side brush some of the oil mix - until the side is covered

6 Place your batter on the other side

7 Cook for a few minutes then roll into a cone shape while they are still hot.

These are a delicious snack and perfect to serve with coffee or tea

DW

How to look gud!

Isn't it odd that at the time when we need to be perfect we are often at our most stupid or lax?

Here is an example from one of my own web pages:

"This page begins by reminding us that there is always someone more stupid than we are. However, non of us is perfect so the file then goes on to show us the best way to do things."

Otherwise that is a good page on spreadsheet good practice!

See http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/spread_prac.html

DW

How to Construct a Population Pyramid Style of Chart Using Excel 2007

The population pyramid is a very effective way of presenting data in situations in addition to reporting populations. The following example shows how true this is when I compare some basic data for British Airways and easyJet:

This is a very effective form of presentation, don’t you think? It is! After all, there are times when you may well want to compare this year with last, one company with another, male with female … and a table of data or even a line or ordinary bar chart just aren’t effective enough. 

How did I prepare that chart, then, using Excel? What follows is all you have to do!

Firstly, derive, find or grab your data. As you are working along with this example, just copy and paste the following into a blank Excel work sheet:

To begin with, make all easyJet values NEGATIVE. Just put a minus sign in front of them all. It will become obvious why we do this shortly.

Then select these data and press the F11 key and Excel will then draw a graph for you … automatically. Excel will draw your default style chart when you press the F11 key and the chances are that it won’t look anything like the population pyramid you want but don’t worry! Since we are here to sort that our. Click on the Chart and on the Chart Tools Menu, Design sub menu. You can then change the chart type if necessary ... see the screenshot below to see all of this:

Choose Clustered Bar Chart, as you can see in the dialogue box that follows:

Click OK and you should see something like the following:

If necessary, right click on the chart and select Source Data and click on the Series tab.

Remove the first series per 10,000 pax km

For British Airways, click on the Category Axis Label icon and select the appropriate range, Excel will show it like this ='Sheet1'!$X$X:$X$XX ... it says Sheet1 or whatever it says on the worksheet tab where the data are kept

Now select the second series that also says per 10,000 pax km

Select the Name icon and then select the cell where it says easyJet

Format the chart in terms of title and axes labels as you wish:

Click next again and type in the titles you want to put onto your Chart … you can see what I did. If you are using different data, type what it most informative and appropriate. At this stage, my chart looks like this!

As it stands, the negative values are mixed up with the vertical axis labels. To sort this out, right click the vertical axis and make the following settings:

The legend is very useful for this graph but it is better to put it at the bottom of the chart: right click the legend, Format legend, Placement, Bottom. You should edit the legend so that it reads BA and easyJet rather than the lengthy versions you might be able to read in the chart above. If you chart has a coloured background, it’s best to get rid of it ... and grid lines: right click, clear each of them will do that for you

Change the colours of the bars if you want: right click format … you choose!

Very, very nearly there now. All that’s wrong is that the bars are offset from each other. You could leave them like that but it’s not so attractive is it? So let’s adjust the bars:

Right-click on any one of the bars and select Format Data Series

Click Options tab and make the following changes:

Overlap = Change this to 100 in the appropriate text box.

Gap width = Change this to 0 or 10 or 20 ... in the appropriate text box ... try them all and see which you prefer

OK

That’s it: you’ve now got a population pyramid of your dreams! Change the colours of the bars as you wish. Change the font and the font size and colour too.

For the final version I have removed the two data points Selling Costs and Handling Charges ... This is my final version: orange bars for easyJet because that’s its house colour … I changed the font size, I put a border on my chart … and so on.

I have taken you through this process step by step. This process is a little complicated but once you have done it twice or three times, you will breeze through it!

 

Duncan Williamson

Interest Based Functions in Excel

This page has the simple purpose of introducing you to the interest, loans and annuities based functions that Excel has built in to it that you might find of use in your work as an accountant.

The purpose of Excel’s in built functions is that they are fully comprehensive attempts at working out, for example, the interest implications you need to take into account in a variety of settings.

I am demonstrating these functions using Excel 2007: it will be different if you use an earlier version of the software.

Finding what Functions are Available

Open Excel and click on the Insert Function icon:  it looks like this fx and is to be found on the left of the formula bar, as below.

This opens a dialogue box and to find out the categories of function available, click where it says or select a category … highlighted below. Choose from Financial functions, date and time, mathematics and trigonometry … and many more.

We are primarily interested in the financial functions and you are presented with the list of all of the financial function available in your version of Excel … there are many!

You should see the list beginning with ACCRINT, ACCRINTM ... 

So rather than doing what I have just suggested, let’s target the functions we need specifically. That is, click on fx but this time enter depreciation in the Search for a function area then click Go and it provides you with a list of all in built functions that Excel thinks relate to that search string. 

As you can see with the dialogue box here, it shows seven functions in Excel relating to interest although there are 31 in total:

 

You can also see here that when you highlight one of the functions, there is a short explanation of how that function works and what it does. So we can see that the ACCRINT function is the Returns the accrued interest for a security that pays interest at maturity.

Please note: choose ACCRINTM, as a matter of interest and you will see that it is one of a group of functions that are not available by default. If this function is not available, and returns the #NAME? error, install and load the Analysis ToolPak add-in:

 

• Office Button
• Excel Options…
• Add-Ins on the left hand menu

Take a look at the graphic below to see what to do now to install the ToolPak by clicking the go button next to Manage Excel Add-Ins …

This now opens a dialogue box where you can now select the ToolPak Add-In:

Click OK now and note that you MIGHT have to insert your Office original CD into the drive to install this ToolPak. That #NAME? Error should have disappeared now: if not, close Excel and reopen it and it should have been solved!

Don’t forget, there is always a link to Excel’s Help files: it’s a hyperlink in blue at the bottom left of the dialogue box. Click on the link and it will explain in detail, with a fully worked example, what to do. The help file for ACCRINTM is:

You can even copy and paste the example into a worksheet and see the function in action.

Interest, Loans and Annuities

You are now aware of the choice of methods for dealing with interest, loans and annuities available as in built functions in Excel. What follows now is a brief review of some of them and some tips on how to set up a worksheet with any or all of the functions built into it.

The functions:

• FV = future value
• PV = present value
• PMT = payment
• PPMT = principal payment
• IPMT = interest payment
• ISPMT = payment interest
• RATE = interest rate per period
• NPER = number of periods

Of course, the chances are that you will not need to use all of these at any one time. I am demonstrating them at one time for convenience! The data we need to calculate and demonstrate these methods are:

 

Range Names 

Before we take this any further, I want to introduce, or remind you of, range names because I am about to set up a worksheet that will allow you to calculate the provisions for depreciation using one or all of the above methods. However, I am assuming that the calculations will relate to the same asset at the same time etc therefore we will be providing for the same asset using the same basic data. 

All we do to assign a range name is the highlight a cell or a range of cells that we would like to give a name to

Then whenever we need to call on or use that value or range, we just enter the range name in the formula or function we are using.

Like this:

I have assigned the range names … NB these relate to depreciation and you should change them if you wish to work with range names for the interest calculations

• cost to cell B11
• salvage to cell C11
• life to cell D11 

Then for the SYD calculation, we would have:

=SYD(cost,salvage,life)

Now you don’t need to look for where the data are to be found, whatever you do to your worksheet and if you change the basic data, the formula automatically finds and updates itself and its result. More than that it doesn’t matter where in your worksheet or file you place your function either, using range names makes it really easy, just use those range names and Excel finds what you want.

Finally for now, if you open up the list of range names and click on any one of those names, the cursor goes to that range: again useful features if you have forgotten the name and where to find it.

Assigning Range Names

How do you set or assign range names? To assign a range name, highlight the cell or range you want to name and then type your chosen name in the name box:

If you close your spreadsheet and want to work on it again later but have forgotten which range names you have used in it, just click on the down arrow at the right of the name box and the list of names opens for you to use again. Excel never forgets these things!

If you redesign your worksheet or file, you can change the address of the range name … we’ll do that another time. If you are impatient, Excel’s Help files can sort this out with you.

The Interest, Loan and Annuity Spreadsheet

I have set up a really simple spreadsheet to cope with our chosen four methods: it looks like the following in which the range names are

Please note that some of the variables need to be entered as negative values. PMT, for example, the monthly payment amount is negative which reflects that fact that it is a cash outflow. Similarly with PV: as with capital budgeting, we assume here that the initial investment is a cash outflow and hence negative.

In this case, I have set up the spreadsheet for you and worked through all of the calculations: FV is £167,156.1 … what does that mean? PV is £3,790.79 … what does that mean? And PMT, PPMT and so on … what do they all mean?

I hope you have found this page useful and feel free to add your comments to this page to let me know the good and the bad!

 

Duncan Williamson

The 12 year olds at the BBC

As Ed Reardon points out, the BBC looks as if it is staffed by 12 year olds. I mention here from time to time as well as elsewhere what it is that these 12 year olds are prepared to do.

I have just listened to the final episode of Gulliver's Travels on BBC Radio 4 and half way through that adaptation they make Gulliver say, " ... people are starving out there."! Out there ... this comes from the X Files, of course when we learned that, "The Truth is Out There"!

A clot on Radio 4 has just said that, "... the stand out character ... ". We used to have outstanding things until the 12 year olds decided that they would go to Oxbridge for their degrees but working class USA as the source of all changes in English English.

Now they are reading from a short story in which the author has let us know that he knows the proper names of several parts of the human brain and their processes. He then told us that a bullet left  a brain having exited it: what kind of a nonsense word is that?

DW

Rachmaninov's 2nd Piano Concerto

There is a programme on BBC Radio 4 at the moment and they are discussing Rachmaninov's 2nd Piano Concerto. This is one of my favourite pieces of music and I recommend it strongly to everyone.

DW

Plane Spotters!

After spotting planes myself this afternoon, I went to the rooftop pool/bar and started snapping photos as planes took off from the airport and headed my way.

I saw a chap with his computer ... and he stood up and started looking through his binoculars. I then noticed that he was locating and looking at planes that seemed to be in random parts of the sky! I then noticed that he was running plane spotting software ... After that I noticed another man, other side of the pool, doing the same. This chap had HUGE bins though!! Take a look at the photos ... I threw in a pigeon too. By the way, zoom in on the bird and it's feathers are suave!

And here's a photo I took and cropped earlier! It's Emirates' aeroplane A6-EMM, a Boeing 777-31H that first flew in 1999.

DW

How did this happen?

Excel 2007 with a worksheet 180,000 lines deep ... only 5 columns.

I prepared a data profile that included classifying the data and then using SUM to add up the values.

I prepared another analysis as preparation to draw a histogram and then used SUM to add up the values.

Then  I created a very simple IF statement to check that total 1 =  total 2 ... they didn't agree. For some reason, although ALL values have only two decimal places, when added together, total 1 could be expanded to ...247.900883 while total 2 could be expanded to 247.90003.

As a workaround I amended the IF statement:

=IF(INT(A1)=INT(B1),"Reconciled","Error") ... that worked

and so did this:

=IF(ROUND(A1,3)=ROUND(B1,3),"Reconciled","Error") but =IF(ROUND(A1,4)=ROUND(B1,4),"Reconciled","Error") did NOT work, for what is probably an obvious reason!

 

Duncan Williamson