Yet Another Bill Gates Problem

How did the world allow Bill Gates and Microsoft to become such a massive monopoly? Yet again, in spite of stringent anti virus protection and all the rest of it, I have had another computer crash.

I have got most things backed up so no massive loss but now I have migrated to another computer, using another anti virus package to make sure these evil knackers can’t get at me only to find that Excel 2010 can’t cope with my file.

I really, really must migrate to a Mac and get rid of this pestilence for ever, it’s driving me up the wall: twice or three times a year, every year this Gates is forced upon me.

The Excel file I am working on now is a CRITICAL file so thank you Bill Gates and I wish I knew how to sue him and his company for all of the time and stress he causes me and the rest of the planet.

DW

Scribes of the World Unite

In the project I am currently working in, there is

• a Nepali gentleman whose first name is Shakespeare
• an Australian gentleman whose name is Edmund Burke

I have just received the CV from a man from the Philippines whose first two names are

• Robert Bruce

No joke! Truth is stranger than fiction!

DW

Is it Always the same?

I have just read this in today's Financial Times

Sterling was hammered on foreign exchange markets on Monday as investors reeled from the prospect of a hung parliament following the British general election, expected in May.

Firstly, please correct me if I'm wrong but haven't these political pundits been expecting a hung parliament every time for the last 50+ years? Even when Blair slaughtered that oaf Hague, they were expecting a hung parliament.

Secondly, who is expecting the election in May? Let me stick my neck out, although I have been right about the behaviour of Gordon Brown every time I make a prediction: Brown will call an election as late as possible and if that means June this year, June it will be. He desperately wanted the job of PM and he desperately wants to keep it as long as possible.

DW

The Green, Green Grass of Home

In my previous post (At last a tax that won't hit me!), I discussed the crass suggestion from the UN of taxing the flatulence of the world's cows. To redress the balance, how about this?

Nearly $5 per square foot per year. That's the estimated savings by tenants of environmentally friendly buildings because of fewer employee sick days, according to a study cited by the US Green Building Council. About 55% of respondents in the study also indicated that employee productivity had improved in green buildings.

The work was based on surveys of 154 buildings under [CB Richard Ellis Group] (CBRE's) management, totalling more than 51.6 million square feet and housing 3,000 tenants in ten markets across the US. The study defined a green building as those with LEED certification at any level or those that bear the EPA ENERGY STAR ® label.

See this URL for more details: http://www.usgbc.org/News/USGBCInTheNewsDetails.aspx?ID=4250

That web page goes on to discuss the financial and other implications of building environmentally friendly structures. If it really is all true and the findings apply world wide, we need to sit up and listen. Building in a green way might, I say just might, offset some of that flatulence of the cows that the UN is so afraid of!

DW

At Last a Tax that Won't Hit Me!

How about this, from today's Financial Times (Call for tax on livestock emissions By Javier Blas in London, 19th February 2010):

Livestock should be taxed to reduce the contribution made by their flatulence to greenhouse gas emissions, the United Nations said yesterday in a report that will give anti livestock campaigners fresh ammunition.

The novel suggestion by the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation to use taxation comes as campaigners focus on the impact on climate change of emissions of methane from cattle, sheep and pigs.

Have you ever heard anything so stupid? Cows are well known to belch methane gases as they ruminate and digest. Methane is a noxious greenhouse gas. Blah! Blah!

How about Mr Phiri in Malawi tending his ONE cow? While large beef and dairy farms in the UK employ advisors and tax consultants to optimise their tax bill, Mr Phiri will meet the Malawian tax inspector and be hit with a demand for, say, 100 Kwacha or goodness knows how much these people can dream of charging. Mr Phiri will have no one to advise him.

The poor will pay this tax, as always. Then again, real enforcement will be a nightmare and the French will demand that all cows must be French speaking cows and they will want a subsidy for them anyway.

Crass!

DW

Even the International Baccalaureate does it!

Following my recent perorations on the subject of GCSE and A Level Examiners abusing their positions as Examiners for personal and private financial reward at the expense of honesty, integrity and professionalism, I have been persuaded to ask the International Baccalaureate Organisation what their position is in this respect. After all, last week I found an IB Examiner offering his services in the UK in the same way that GCSE and A Level Examiners are doing.

Here is the letter I have just sent to the IB organisation in Switzerland:

Dear Sirs,

I noticed on a web site for a revision programme in the UK last week that IB examiners are offering their services as private tutors to candidates for your up and coming examinations.

That is, the people who are possibly setting but certainly marking candidates’ papers are teaching those very candidates how to pass the examination that they as examiners are directly involved with.

As a parent I am really concerned that anyone who is prepared to pay the examiners will benefit directly from their expertise and tips whilst anyone who does not or cannot pay, gets nothing.

What is the IB’s policy on this matter, please?

Yours etc

DW

Beware the Hob Nob

Be careful when singing along to a powerful song while eating a Hob Nob biscuit.

There's my first top tip in a very long time!

DW

A Levels are up for sale: part 3

If you are following this debate you will know that I wrote to Ed Balls of the UK government and was fobbed off by one of his minions. So I wrote an open letter to Balls and a follow up letter to the minion. Both of those letters can be found in this blog.

I let sleeping dogs lie for a few days and then did a bit of research. I was told that the Gordon Brown government and the Examinations Boards all have what they call "thorough systems" in place to stop what I am saying is happening: GCSE and A Level examiners teaching students how to pass their own exams in return for money.

This means that if you are prepared to pay an examiner to tell you or your child how to pass the examination that they might have set and might be marking, they will do that for you. In private. Behind closed doors. For the privileged few.

So, I tested these "thorough systems" by carrying out a simple google search ... here is a letter I have just sent off to Balls' minion:

Dear Helen,

I am well aware that you will soon simply consign my responses to your delete button. However, before you do that let me just demonstrate how ineffective your “thorough systems” really are. I have just taken a random sweep via a google search query through just a few Easter 2010 revision courses for GCSE and A Levels. I also included the International Baccalaureate for my own curiosity to see how widespread the examiner money grabbing mentality might be: I found what I expected to find but since you are probably not interested in the IB, I have not included my research results here for you.

1 Here is a page from the very FIRST revision course web site that I looked at: http://www.justincraig.ac.uk/easter_revision.php Scroll down the page and find this:

Guidance from the tutors, many of whom are examiners, on best practise exam technique

Did you see that? ... many of whom are examiners ...

It is a major selling point that some of the tutors on these courses are examiners.

2 Now from the fourth revision web site I visited: http://www.abbeycambridge.co.uk/subjects/easter-revision/index.aspx?pageid={4bd18459-3956-460f-9181-4fb073e57ae1}&tsi=1

Why attend Easter Revision?
... Most of out (sic) tutors hold further degrees; moreover, some of them are examiners in their subject.
Our courses aim to help you master examination technique and boost your subject knowledge.

Did you spot that: some of them are examiners in their subject ... and then they reinforced that by saying: Our courses aim to help you master examination technique and boost your subject knowledge.

3 Then there is the fifth revision web site I went to: http://www.mpw.co.uk/camb/easter-revision.asp?scW=1024

Here they say:

Our tutors are highly-qualified graduates whose experience at MPW has trained them to be particularly adept at building students’ confidence quickly and efficiently. Many are GCSE and A level examiners and are therefore attuned to the requirements and approaches of the various examination boards.

I don’t need to go on do I Helen as I have shown from a small sample that 60% of the providers of revision courses are using examiners as their face to face, behind closed doors, for personal and private financial reward, tutors. So, people who are prepared to pay for the privilege get access to the very people who may have set and could well be marking their own, their very own, examination scripts.

I don’t intend to give you any get out clauses here Helen and I do expect you to do something other than fob me off as you did with your original email last week.

What is happening is happening in spite of your supposed “thorough systems” and in spite of the Examination Boards’ protestations that it is not happening. One day this campaign that I am part of will hit home with a minister, MP or civil servant who will finally see that our GCSE and A Level system is rotten from the core. When that day comes, I sincerely hope that the many people who have been party to fobbing off the likes of me will resign en masse.

Best wishes

DW

PS Chris Sivewright has been working on this campaign, to stop this inner rot, for even longer than I have. He chided me the other day as you might have seen by telling me to acknowledge the work of others. Fair point Chris and in my defence I told him that because of the work I do and the location of where I do it, I am largely working on my part of this in isolation and things happen as they happen. Whilst I wish I were part of a fully coordinated campaign I cannot be. I am glad, though, every now and again to tell people that I am not the only person fighting this campaign. In fact, thousands and thousands of people are ... whether actively or passively!

A Level Bunkum II

Following on from my open letter to Ed Balls (Secretary of State in the Gordon Brown Cabinet, one of whose tasks is to safeguard the UK's education system) I sent a follow up the following day to the poor minion who had been given the task of fobbing me off. Here is that response:

Dear Helen,

I have probably failed again with my previous and relatively extensive response to your email so here is the shortened version that really, really ought to make someone in Whitehall sit up and listen:

Principal, senior and other examiners for GCSE and A Level exams present revision sessions and seminars for personal and private financial reward. These sessions are usually held behind closed doors. The audience very commonly, though not exclusively, comprises candidates for the examinations for which the examiner is responsible. Why do these candidates PAY examiners to run these seminars? I wonder!

That this happens is a FACT. That your “thorough systems” are allowing it to happen is a FACT. For goodness’ sake can you get someone to stop this charade? Other examining bodies simply do not allow their examiners anywhere near their candidates and for very good reason.

Only in British schools is such a system allowed whereby the privileged few who are prepared to pay can be given unfettered access to the very people who have set and will mark and moderate the exam for which they are about to sit. If you can’t or won’t pay, you are excluded. This charade even transcends the supposed State School v Public School divide.

Helen: is that fair? Is that democratic? Is this a transparent and acceptable system? Or is it, rather, corrupt, unprofessional, demeaning and out of control?

I have spoken to a great many people on this issue and the ONLY people who are prepared to defend it are the very ones who are in a position to do something about it: you and your colleagues in Whitehall. Isn’t that very odd?

I really do expect someone rational to be given the task of resolving this issue and I have already passed along this latest correspondence to a senior educational journalist who has been following this story for several years now.

Best wishes

DW

(Watch out for the next posting ... part three)

Fran Williamson's web site

A few weeks ago a colleague and I were talking about my daughter Fran: Paralympic swimmer extraordinaire. He suggested that I write a book on Fran's life that would act both as a record and as a motivator. I said it was a good idea and that I'd think about how to do it.

Little did I know at that time that Fran was way ahead of me. Take a look at Fran's web site where you will see lots of fascinating stuff on ability, disability, achievement, motivation and more: http://www.fran-williamson.co.uk/young-disabled-people-in-cambridge.html

If you need a motivator, here she is!

DW

An open Letter to Ed Balls

As is my wont, I am crusading against corruption in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system. I have been carrying out this crusade for several years now. Evan Harris MP failed in this campaign. Linda MP failed in this campaign. Now Ed Balls who is Secretary of State responsible for this area has fobbed me off by passing my latest missive to a junior member of his staff.

Here is the latest ill thought out response from Whitehall. Firstly the reply to my latest attempt at rooting out this corruption and secondly my initial response.

Thank you for your e-mail of 9 January alleging corruption in the GCSE and A Level examination systems.  I have been asked to reply.

I note that you have raised similar concerns with the Department on a number of occasions over recent years.  The awarding bodies and Ofqual have thorough systems in place to manage any conflicts of interests inherent in the exams system, and we have previously shared details of those with you.  Ofqual have also previously looked at the concerns you have raised.  This being so, I fear there is nothing I can add to the previous correspondence with you from Ministers and officials.

Yours sincerely,

HB
QCDA, Ofqual and Exams Delivery

Dear H,

This will not go away just because you think this matter has been resolved several times. It has not. No minister, no MP, no civil servant has ever accepted that examiners from UK Examinations Boards ARE ex officio making money by holding private seminars with candidates for THEIR examinations in contravention of the rules of those boards and in contravention of ethics and professional behaviour.

You must have seen the articles The Times Educational Supplement over the last three years or so, you must have read Warwick Mansell’s recent book on this and related examination issues, you really must be aware that I am not a crank and that I really do have documentary evidence that no one in the government and civil service, including you now, is in the least bit interested in upholding GCSE and A Level standards.

You are wrong in your assertion that you have previously looked at my concerns. Read my letters maybe but investigated no. I have been fobbed off before with the most inane arguments. I have sent you PROOF that examiners are in breach of their contracts with the Examination Boards and PROOF that these Boards are turning a blind eye to them. All of this is in direct contravention of codes of conduct, codes of practices, statutes and goodness knows what else. Here you are fobbing me off again. It really won’t do. To be fair to some examiners, once it has been pointed out to them that what they are doing is wrong, they stop. Yes, truly: one examiner wrote to me with a profound apology and he took down pages and pages from his web site because of what I pointed out to him. He realised the error of his ways. In the meantime, however, his Examinations Board, in its foot stamping belligerence closed its eyes and said the examiner had done no wrong.

Your thorough systems cannot be so thorough can they when it is as plain as the nose on your face that examiners are walking all over them all of the time. As I type this I can guarantee that there will be advertisements in many newspapers, on websites and in mail shots at the moment in the UK advertising Easter revision courses. Many of those courses will be run by and on behalf of Examiners from the GCSE and A Level Examinations Boards that I am persistently complaining about. Go to your library and reading rooms, go online, check the mail arriving at schools and colleges all over the country. Find those advertisements and then tell me I am wrong.

For your information, I have worked in countries where corruption and academic dishonesty are rife. I am currently working on a World Bank project in one such country. I am here to attempt to install democratic systems that are founded on integrity, transparency and the rule of law. Don’t you find it ironic that here I am trying to teach people in undeveloped countries how to behave whilst at home, the OFFICIAL LINE is that flawed and corrupt systems are allowed there too?

I told Ed Balls on his twitter account that I will not simply go away and I will not. If I have to wait for this government to be dismissed I will. Shouldn’t be long now should it?

Thanks for writing anyway even if it was such a shabby, ill thought out and badly researched email.

Duncan Williamson

Not PVD: much more serious

I was whisked off to Dubai where they diagnosed a detached retina. By 6pm I had had an operation to repair it.

I have to say it is frightening to see one's eyesight deteriorating so badly and so quickly.

Impressive to see so many skilled people working in harmony.



Praise be!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Posterior Vitreous Detachment (PVD)

Oh bother!

four or five years ago I had what is called a PVD in my right eye: worrying to start with until the optician explained what it is, how it happens ... not serious.

Here we are again and there's another one happening as I type. Different part of the same eye and a bit more inconvenient this time as it's bigger than the previous one.

Talking to medics now and awaiting their final analysis of what to do about it.

DW

Billy, Billy, Billy Gates ... ReadyBoost. Pshaw!

Why does this man and his rubbish really get to me? I wonder how many blogs, emails and conversations EVERY DAY speak of loathing for this man and his useless Microsoft products and services?

Like a moron, a few months ago I let Windows Vista use a 1Gb flash drive for ReadyBoost. Oh! don't worry, it will speed up your system no end ... Well, I noticed no differences whatsoever: maybe it makes microseconds of difference to some things but not the differences that I thought were being offered.

Today, in my ignorance, I decided enough was enough and I would claim the flash drive back. I thought the best way to do this would be to reformat the drive: WRONG! Gates and his lunatics have done here what they have done so many times before. If anyone wants to interfere with MS, they pay.

Not only would my flash drive not reformat under any conditions, I cannot now even access it for any reason whatsoever.

Well done Bill Gates, come on down!

I really want to meet that man, I've got so many things to talk about: we go back decades. I really ought to throw all of my MS things away, go to Apple and start again. Why don't I do that?

DW

Read that Graph CAREFULLY

Everyone here knows that I find it difficult to respect a man who feels able to spend $1,600,000,000 on his own job interview expenses but even Obama needs some protection from the badly drawn graphs and charts. Even the Financial Times can get it wrong!

Here is a graph cut and pasted from yesterday's Financial Times:

How about the corrected version where the vertical axis is NOT chopped off just below the half way point ... no such a drastic change over the year is it?

This post was also uploaded to Duncan's Diacritical Discussion

DW

Online Scam Artists

A genuine and honest friend suggested a long time ago that we keep in touch via one of those social networking sites. So I joined. Nothing happened for a long time and me and the friend used the site now and again.

Recently, the volume of messages has increased and I have been getting messages from well known scam artists: they are usually in the Philippines or Ghana.

This evening a young man said he loved me and wanted to call me honey. I went along with it and as I expected he told me he was a student but his exams, yawn, were next week. Oh and misery me he didn't have any money for his fees. Yawn, yaaaaawwwn.

I asked him how much and he told me. So I suggested I pay for the whole term: hang it, make sure he doesn't suffer. It was four times what he asked for and when he asked me if I was sure I said it would be my pleasure!

He turned his cam on and he was half naked (top half!) and I asked him to do a bit of a dance for me and he did. Entertaining stuff and it showed that at least he was prepared to work for his money a little bit.

I stopped chatting to him and deleted him from my list immediately.

Don't fall for these lies. They are not students, they are not going to take an exam and they are not anything remotely resembling what they say they are.

Clown and of course he isn't going to get any money from me!

DW

JK Rowling known everywhere!

I am living and working in rather a remote place at the moment but this conversation took place this morning.

The decorators are in and one of them asked me, Are you British?

I said, Yes I am

He replied, I knew it. I knew you were British because you sound like Harry Potter!

I said, You'd better be careful and pretended to cast a spell in his direction. He then asked where my magic wand was!!

Great fun!

DW

Everything comes to he who waits!

Forty years ago? Fifty years ago? I can't remember but I do know one thing, I used to listen to a short piece of music on the radio and have longed to know what it was called ...

I THINK it used to precede the Today programme on Radio 4 all of those years ago. It doesn't last long. However, how does one hum or tra la a piece of music when one has no musical talent at all? If I tried to explain the piece of music to anyone they would walk away from me thinking that all plots had been lost.

Well, here I am minding my own business and letting my iPod meander down my 1,308 songs and tunes and when it got to this piece, I had to write and tell you Eureka:

Badinerie from Orchestral Suite No 2 in B Minor by JS Bach

THIS is the piece I fell in love with all those years ago and I recommend you find and listen to it now.

DW

Have YOU ever seen an Aeroplane with a Bathroom?

Apart from that aeroplane in the OLD Imperial Leather soap advert, that is.

This is the text of a feedback message I have just sent to the Mail Online:

I just read the story here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1241773/Armed-police-storm-plane-Heathrow-Airport-security-threat-board.html and in that story they talk about airlines closing bathrooms on their aeroplanes and I was puzzled

Even when they are in the sky, some passengers have been told to remain seated for the final hour of flight time, with no access to the bathroom or overhead lockers and nothing on their laps, including blankets or pillows.

I am a very frequent flyer and fly on all sorts and sizes of aeroplanes and, to be perfectly frank, I have yet to see a bathroom on any commercial flight. I have even been on the Airbus A380 with Emirates, in business class, but even then there was no bathroom.

Please let me know where I can find a flight with a bathroom as I'd like to fly on it and use the bath: it would be a first for me!

DW

Follow your own advice laddie

I wish I had!

Just before he set off on a monster trip of the Far East, my nephew asked me for some advice. He wanted to know the best strategy for foreign exchange for his trip: he asked about taking dollars, traveller's cheques and so on. I told him, whatever you do DO NOT get your currency here in the UK.

As I was leaving Dubai I checked the rates there as I had a little bit of foreign currency with me. Why oh why did I not follow my own advice? I ran out of time and opportunity to change my money in the end although I did change a little bet at Dubai International Airport. The rate there was a bit worse than I would have got in town but I changed it.

Anyway, when I got to the bank here at home I found their rate was £:$ of 1.74 ... in Dubai the rate at the time I SHOULD have changed my money was £:$ 1.61.

Just imagine I was changing $1,000 ... in Dubai I would have got £621, here in Halifax I would have got £575, a difference of £46.

Don't do what I do, do what I say! What a clot I am!!

DW

Daisy, Daiseeeee ...

I find the gross over use of the word amazing extremely irritating and here is the latest.

On Radio 4 this morning there was an article on a woman called Daisy. I didn't hear the start of that article but the only thing missing from Daisy's persona was a speech impediment: that would have been a nap hand!!

Daisy seems to be someone who pans for gold in rivers. She was married in the highlands of Scotland in a place where all of her guests, fellow panners, could pan for gold the day after the wedding. Good for them.

BUT I heard Daisy saying that many people in Scotland panned for gold a couple of centuries or so ago and then some of that gold ended up in the crown jewels of some Jock King. Daisy said with rising, excited, inflection, that incorporating that gold in that King's baubles was amazing! Why on earth was that amazing Daisy?

People pan for gold. People find gold. People do various things with the gold they have found such as

• sell it
• keep it for themselves
• turn it into jewellery

NONE of those objectives is amazing.

I don't suppose Daisy will read this and I don't want to write and ask her what was so amazing because she will undoubtedly write back in a bilious manner.

Here is a picture of Daisy I have just created:

Eeesh! New programme now and the very first guest said that even walking round her garden when it is covered in snow is amazing. WHY is it amazing?

From www.dictionary.com:

• a⋅maze –verb (used with object)

• 1 to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.
• 2 Obsolete. to bewilder; perplex.
• –verb (used without object)
• 3 to cause amazement: a new art show that delights and amazes.

DW

Don't Even Like Kids!!

I was walking down the road this afternoon when a couple of boys on the opposite side of the road threw a snowball at a man about 50 yards in front of me. He turned round and looked at bit angry so I pointed over the road and snitched on the kids!

He let me catch up to him. I said there were two boys thinking they were clever ... he said, kids, never liked 'em!

Having noticed that he was wearing hiking boots, winter clobber and was carrying a ski pole, I said he looked set up for a long walk. In rather a dejected voice he replied that he was killing time! I asked, what does that mean? He said he was supposed to be going home to Penzance but his wife had broken her ankle. He said they were out in the snow yesterday and as his wife came towards him, she went over on her ankle and it broke!

I asked if she was in hospital and he said it needs pinning but they can't do it before Saturday and they're stuck here for another two weeks.

As we got to my bus stop we parted and I wished him well and he wished me a happy new year!

Nice chat all brought on when two boys threw a snowball at a complete stranger!

DW

Ed Balls and Michael Gove ... where are you?

In October, before I went on a two and a half month trip away from home, I wrote to Ed Balls and Michael Gove in relation to the cheating and corruption inherent in the GCSE and A Level Examinations system.

Balls is the Minister responsible for education and Gove is his Tory shadow.

The problem I have been campaigning on for a few years is a real one and I have presented a lot of hard facts and evidence of cheating and corruption and yet two MPs and various civil servants have been happy to turn a blind eye to what is happening. I have even been threatened with legal action by one Examinations Board who then had to slink away from their position when they realised they had tried far too hard to bully me into silence.

These wretched people who are presiding over this abuse of position and privilege have to be hounded out of office and in the case of Gove, prevented from getting into office. Neither of them has replied to my letters.

I need a Tiananmen Square moment to get these people out into the open and this corruption solved and stopped.

DW

Liar Liar

The great thing about the internet and living in the UK is that I can say what I want, within the law and within the realms of decency, truth and so on.

Let me note that the Tories have openly admitted that they have started their general election campaign. We were treated on day one to the sight of a number of ne'er do well Tory politicians trawling the country as they seek to persuade us that we should vote for them.

The film Liar Liar sprung to mind: we should all watch that film again with the general election in mind.

I like the idea of the three week general election campaign and really resent the Tories, or anyone for that matter, deciding that we need to suffer their perorations longer than that. The two YEAR Obama campaign was far too much to suffer and we don't need that here.

DW

Cluedo? Clueless more like!!

So Dima and I settled down to play a game of Cluedo last night. Neither of us remembered how to play so we read the rules and set off.

We set up the board, the cards and the characters and although we didn't initially follow the rules properly we soon got up to speed.

In the end Dima decided he had all the evidence he needed so he said he wanted to make his accusations:

• the rope
• the kitchen
• Miss Scarlett

OK, we turned over the cards in the centre of the board:

• the rope ... good!
• the kitchen ... very good!
• the dagger ... Doh!

How did that happen? I have to confess that I had sorted out and selected the three cards to go in the middle!

Clot

DW

New Year Two

I went to a “fab” new year’s eve do last night. After a good meal, walk and chat with a friend I ended up at the Music Room in the Majestic Hotel in Dubai. The first thing that struck me was the average age of the men there and then I spotted that the average age of their companions was a quantum leap lower: an ethnic group removed too!! Good for everyone if it spreads peace and happiness in the world.

Then there was a live group on stage. I can’t begin to tell you the genre of the group except that it wasn’t bee bop, gospel, rap or anything like that. It was LOUD though. The question entered my mind, however: is it vital for the performance of these singers and musicians to keep their hairstyles in tune with the music? Music from the 60s and 70s and hairstyles from the same era: men from that era too. Men of my age with long hair half way down their backs: ageing guitarists with very long wispy pony tails. Goodness!

One other feature was the lead guitarist who seemed to be English (I think) but who put an American inflection in his voice. Why would one do that I wonder?

As I walked back to the hotel at around 1 am the sound of the music was ringing in my ears. Literally! I was deafened temporarily from the excessive noise these groups pump out. I also stank of cigarette smoke and my clothes still do.

There was another phenomenon that I noticed. People in the room would be walking around or even just standing still when one of their legs seemed to lurch sideways a little, as if the floor under that one foot had slipped into some Stephen Hawking type of space/time discontinuity. Odd that! Kept happening: seemed to be the same people every time too although as time went by, more and more people seemed to find these patches of flooring and tiles! I did notice though, that if one had drunk only soft drinks or hadn’t drunk alcoholic drinks to excess, the floor and one’s legs remained firm. Have I found something new and unusual in the order of the Universe Professor Hawking?

DW

Happy New Year

It's already 01:15 where I am and 2010 has already arrived so it's time to wish everyone who visits this blog a happy new year.

Health, prosperity and happiness to all.

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Merry Christmas

Living in hotels and guest houses for so long changes habits and perspectives. So for everyone who comes here let me say Merry Christmas.

Christmas is not guaranteed to be perfect for everyone but it's a chance to be calm, enjoy life at least for a day or two and be with friends and family if possible.

Reflections on the meaning of the festival ought to be a must too.

Merry Christmas everyone.

DW


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The Man of Steel!

A few years ago I took part in an online discussion and I mentioned that there were people in the former Soviet Union who revered the memory of Joseph Stalin. Stalin's time was the days when things worked, everyone respected each other ...

I told the truth, I met and worked with people who thought that so it was a matter of fact.

I was then subjected to a torrent of abuse from three or four people. One of them was a student at Oxford University who threatened me with physical violence if ever I was in Oxford. I wrote to him and told him that as I worked in Oxford it is highly likely that we could meet and that unless he withdrew the threat I would take matters further. I got a full apology in writing.

Another student, of English at Durham University, joined the fray saying the most ridiculous things. He burst forth with an entreaty that if I loved communists so much why didn't I go and live with them? When I wrote to him off list and asked him what he was really worried about he told me that what I had said made no sense! Hmm, how does a simple statement of fact expressed in very clear language make no sense?

The third student, a the LSE this time, proudly boasted that as he had worked in an office in Washington USA for two weeks during which time he was reading and dealing with papers from projects being undertaken in Central Asia, he knew I must have been telling lies.

So why did I tell you all of that? Take a look at page six of today's UK edition of the Financial Times newspaper and you will see rather a lengthy parade of "Russian communists queuing to lay flowers at Joseph Stalin's grave in Red Square, Moscow on the 130th anniversary of his birth yesterday." As I said before and can say again, as a matter of fact, there are many people in the former Soviet Union who hold Stalin in high esteem. Just a fact. Just reporting a fact. Not all of the people in that queue are old enough to have lived under Stalin either.

DW

Let's lighten the load a little

The teacher asks his students to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: the short story had to contain the following three things:

• Religion
• Sexuality
• Mystery

Below is the winning story:

"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it."

Whoever wrote that, thanks!

DW

Far be it from me ...

Well I'm shocked! Here I am about to sing the praises of Microsoft. I downloaded and installed Office 2010 Beta version last night and I have to say there are some stunning advances there. I've not had much of a chance to play with everything new but in Excel, of note, there are

• sparklines
• data slicer

PowerPoint looks a bit niftier.

Outlook promises things that I haven't explored at all yet and the same with Word.

Worth a look I'd say.

DW

Dear BBC it's Milan not Meelan

I am dreading it! Man Spew have drawn a team from Milan in the European Champions League competition and I know, just know, that for some reason the sports reporters at the BBC will pronounce it MEElan.

I know people from Milan and I have asked them, just how do you pronounce the name? They ALL say Milan ... slight accent on the A and not one of them has said Meelan in the slightest.

Please, please spare us from your nonsense pronunciation.

DW

Terry Wogan Retires: at last!

I've never had much of a kind word to say about Wogan. He never appealed to me I'm afraid. I've just skimmed the headlines of a couple of articles in the Daily Mail and that rag was fulsome in its praise. I found him boring, pointless and condescending. I found his television Parky take off interview programme risible.

I thought he ruined the Eurovision Song Contest by taking it beyond the desperate state it could quite easily have got itself into without his nonsense smart alek remarks. One good thing has come out of Wogan's retirement from this contest: it's 1,000% unwatchable now as that Graham Norton takes over from next year. Eugh!

The bad news? Apparently, even though he's 71 years old, he'll be back next year. Thank goodness I never listen to any station that he's on!

The tin hat on all of this? I believe Wogan charges a fee for appearing on Children in Need. Like that woofter, no he isn't, yes he is, Dale Winton: charging fees for what are essentially charity events. Indefensible.

If you're a Wogan fan, good luck to you!

DW

End of year message

You don't have to be the Queen of England to want to say goodbye to the old and welcome to the new so I've done it as well.

Take a look at http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/old_new/old_new.htm

For web purists, I know there are a few rules being broken by that page: no indication of who I am, no menu or return button, no date although I do name the years ...

Merry Christmas anyway!

DW

Go on have a Laugh!

Try this, it really works. You’ll laugh your socks off.

Using a Windows Vista computer put it to sleep via the Start button (so that you can start working quickly). Then wake it up cos you want to start working quickly. That’s the funny part. See what I mean? It didn’t work did it? Mwuahahaha! Mwuahahaha!

Try it on another computer, same again eh?

Gets me every time that.

Thanks Bill Gates, you’re a real tonic.

DW

Time for a change … using Kaspersky

I have been happily paying for and using AVG anti virus software programs for years now. However, the free trial period ran out last week on this HP laptop and rather stay with the nightmare Norton anti virus program I opted to try Kaspersky anti virus 2010.

Don’t know if I’ll see any differences but Kaspersky has always been very highly rated, as has AVG.

Anything untoward happens and you’ll certainly hear about it.

DW

Sean Connery and Alan Shearer

Sean Connery

There’s an advert running wherever I go at the moment that features Sean Connery. Let me say that Connery is my all time favourite Bond, James Bond. Now, however, I think he is well past his sell by date. In the advert he is trying to convince us that the bank he is advertising is a green bank. His opening sentence is:

Time to get “back to common shenshe”! Thanksh Shaun, shome people will shee what you mean!

Alan Shearer

I was stunned when the BBC appointed Shearer as one of their football pundits. It doesn’t help that he was a Mag but that aside, his talents as a pundit are completely lacking and the passage of time does nothing to improve matters.

I just happened to stumble across an interview with Shearer and Dimitar Berbatov. Shearer began with this:

“Errrrrrm, Dimitar Berbatov …”

Mr Aticulate. Not. I have complained here before that journalists who are journalists because they are English language (or other language) graduates are not necessarily to be commended. The same with Shearer: an accomplished footballer but a journalist and pundit, come off it.

Berbatov speaks English to a high standard and he has just quoted the opening lines of a book that seems well beyond “The Sun’s Guide to Footy”. I wish they could have shown Shearer’s face at that point as it was probably intellectually way beyond him!

Sorry Shearer, not for me! There are many much more articulate former players, managers and the like in the game who should have got your job.

DW

Mice Pies

I sent a text message to a friend yesterday exclaiming that I had just eaten my first MICE pies of the season. When she told me what I'd said I replied by saying, look, I'm a veggie how could I even think of eating MICE pies. I asked if I hadn't really said RATatouille. Boom! Boom!

That's a true story.

DW

Political Pundits Down Under

I thought it only happened in Britain but it seems that there are journalists in Australia who live off the backs of politicians in the same way they do in Britain.

I am watching a programme at the moment on Australia Network and there is a coven of blethering types going on and on about politicians and politics as if they know what they are talking about.

Riddled with giggly comments and cutting remarks, it's dreadful television. No doubt these people are the Fleet Street equivalents who sit in their offices for decades and eventually rise to the top of the pile. That gives them massive salaries and a captive audience. Just like our lot.

There is currently a segment in which two ne'er do wells are guffawing at some photographs of some ne'er do well politician.

As the young Irishman I met last week might say, the should get themselves a ****ing proper job.

DW

The Irishman, People Watching at the Sheraton

The Irishman

As I was going through the trial of using the WiFi at the Business Centre at the Royal Orchid Sheraton, I spotted a couple who were, let's say, challenging each other. My assumption was that she was working hard on something and his expression seemed to say  something like, "Can't you see I've got to level 99 on Frogger ... ?"

The trial was that I had just logged into my free WiFi hour when it was cut off and after some stress, the technician told me that some bonehead electrician somewhere in the hotel had chopped off the wireless router ... aaaaaaggggghhhhh! Got back online later but didn't find out till half an hour before I checked out that they give one hour EVERY DAY free WiFi ... used to be 100% free WiFi in the business centre area. I ASSUMED the free hour was by way of welcome only! Clot!

Back to the couple. I went over to near where they had been sitting and found that the young man at least was Irish: don't know about her as she had gone to another terminal in another part of the centre by then. He was seething and started to talk to me. "I'm sick and tired of this", he said. He went on the explain they had just been to Phuket and had met two men who were in their 40s and had been travelling around South East Asia for 20 years: they didn't own a house, no wives, no kids, no jobs ... nothing! She (pointing towards her indoors) thought the ****ing sun shines now. His fury came in the form of his being more than willing to pay to stay at five star places like the Sheraton but she's got it into her ****ing head that they should stay at much cheaper places. "If someone ****ing offered me a free ****ing five star room, I'm ****ing sure I'd take it!" I mentioned pony tail, tie dye tee shirt wearing Western old men who infect Thailand and he bounced back immediately with, "They should get their ****ing hair cut and get a ****ing job ..."

Richly entertaining and he was a young lad too: no more than late twenties so if he can afford five star hotels, he must be doing well enough. Certainly knows the kind of situation he is heading for over the next 10 - 15 years anyway. Good for him. I took to him!

People Watching at the Sheraton

Now, I am not a voyeur or anything but I do look at people from time to time to assess the situation they are in, given the place they are in. Take the Royal Orchid Sheraton: definitely a five star hotel and I have come to categorise their guests along the following lines

• people perfectly at home there: one gets a sense from some people that they have always travelled five star and nothing that happens to them is in any way unusual. Nothing fazes these people and they know what to expect. They don't cause a fuss unless something really unusual happens to them.
• people in retirement who are probably well off: I tend to be able to spot these people as the ones with masses of wrinkles but who dress like people who should have been using cold creams and night creams all of their adult lives. It is sometimes difficult to spot retired people these days because there are people who are well into their seventies but who look much younger than that. There is another batch of retirees who they are the ones who feel they MUST establish a familiar routine from the moment they arrive, such as the two old Israeli (I think) women who arrived the other day. In the restaurant at breakfast, they hunted shark like for "their" place but when they found it, the air conditioning wasn't perfect so they circled a few tables nearby and found "their" destiny. The following day there they were, in their comfort zone even though everyone else is placed by the staff and can be seated almost anywhere, at random.
• mid career people who are starting to be able to afford to move up the social scale: often youngish looking, late thirties or early forties and they usually look as if they should have children with them. Children will be with their grand parents as mum and dad venture off on a long haul break. I spot these people as the ones who sit down to a buffet breakfast before they realise that buffet means serve yourself. They normally sit with a beatific smile that announces some kind of arrival and peace!
• package tour people: sorry for my prejudice but in the case of English people, they usually have a regional, often Northern, accent and are often cor blimey types. You might remember the Monty Python Old Codgers sketch in which a group of bluff, old, successful Yorkshire businessmen talk about their bad old days before they made the grade. The sketch starts when one of them says the wine was very passable. I heard just the same expression here the other night: the wine was very, Barnsley or Sheffield accent, passable! These people often give the game away by wearing trainers with ordinary business socks or tee shirt and shorts with business shoes.
• business people: they go for breakfast in their suit and tie, ready to face the world of work. Usually quiet and unassuming but clearly not there to while their life away at the pool or on a coach to somewhere else exotic for the day. Someone else is paying their bill! They are respectfully shown to their table and immediately announce that they need tea or coffee as they then disappear without any further by your leave to get their cereal or bacon or whatever it is that they ALWAYS have for breakfast. Quite often these people will sit where they are told even though after years of travel they know where they are, what they want and where they want to sit to see it! Of course, some business people are boorish, you'll spot them too. Some of them like to give off the air of being important and knowing how everyone around them must behave with the appropriate degree of deference and reverence.

There are others, such as the Japanese, who will not be beaten to the earliest of early breakfasts by any other national or ethnic grouping; but that will do for now.

DW

Sting ... String more like.

They interviewed that primary school teacher turned warbler Gordon Sumner on Newsnight this week. What's that about lack of intellectual furniture?

Poor lamb, he went back to the Amazon rain forest after 20 years or so and looked acutely ill at ease having to sit next someone who isn't a legend in his own mind.

Paxman did his best but Gordy failed to see that his campaign to stop the building of a dam for a much needed hydroelectric power scheme is ill founded and seriously at odds with his own personal massive extravagances.

Like other long lived warblers, this one has got ideas way above his IQ level.

I know, he's filthy rich and lots of people like his warbling. Doesn't make his faux campaigning tolerable though does it?

DW

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Bad news for Arsenal fans!

Here in Bangkok there is an Arsenal shop and they are ALREADY having their END of SEASON sale.

DW


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The BBC in America and Hard Talk

BBC in America

The BBC has put Matt Frei in charge of BBC News America and I have to wonder why. Probably some kind of trained journalist but is his forte language or journalism? Does Frei have any skills other than his abilty to speak English and German?

I am watching a programme at the moment where already he has made three insensitive remarks about two separate people. I suppose he would defend himself by saying he was asking Hard Talk style questions ... pshaw!

What about Frei's Nazi question, currently being heavily advertised? "Here is a question that really bothers me, am I allowed to like a building designed by a regime like the Nazis" (My wording, might not be perfect).

Hard Talk

Hard Talk used to be very interesting: Tim Sebastian asked awkward questions of a wide variety of people.

Hard Talk has become a travel opportunity as they now go to the USA, South Africa, Hong Kong and to many other places, currently Trinidad and Tobago.

Moreover, they have replaced the word Hard with Rough. Sebastian got it right: well researched, hard, awkward, searching, incisive. Stepehan Sackur and Zeinab Badawi, current presenters, think hard means rough: often ill informed and downright rude rather than hard.

Back to Frei: he began yesterday's report with an introduction that his guest was able to over turn immediately as factually incorrect.

The BBC's standards are slipping everywhere.

DW

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Merry Christmas

Ho! Ho! Ho! As they say.

1st December and my Xmas season starts today. All my Xmas music is at home though; from the medieval Thys Yool all the way to Slade!!! What to do??

Merry Xmas everyone.

DW
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The 20 Year Rule

I might not necessarily be immune from the following.

You are 20 years late in coming to Bangkok/Thailand when

That grubby, home made head band around your head is the ONLY one in SE Asia
The tee shirt you insist on wearing is half the size it ought to be
You think your short longs/long shorts are trendy
The girl on your arm COULD be your grand daughter, possibly your great grand daughter
You think thongs and stubbies are a chick magnet
You are a man who thinks his pony tail looks as good on him as a pony tail does on a Thai girl/lady
You sit in a hotel lobby staring wide eyed and open mouthed at the young local ladies going about their every day normal business with your lovely wife of many years tolerantly and lovingly sitting next to you

All true!

DW
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What did I get?

Hotel in Bangkok and the waitress repeated my order:

"Spry with eye?"

What did she bring me?

Answers on a postcard please.

DW
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International Football Cheats … sorry Ireland!

Not only in England but international now. France have qualified for the World Cup Finals in South Africa as a result of a cheat having handled the ball that allowed France to get the ball in the back of the net and thus beat Ireland to the finals.

Thierry Henri has admitted handling the ball that allowed his colleague to score a goal. It was as clear as it can be to everyone on the pitch and in the video playback. Still, Ireland have been eliminated because Henri cheated and even though it was in his power to tell the referee what he had done when he had done it, he chose to remain silent and cheat his way through to the finals.

It’s really a disgrace now as every game that France plays will be soiled by this one event.

How can you not feel sorry for Ireland who grace these finals whenever they attend?

DW

A380 Model … so classy!

I took this photo in the Emirates lounge at LHR on Friday. Just love this plane. Hoping to go on it again soon!!

DW

Have you got a light Mac?

That tag line is the first part of an old joke … anyone know the second line?

Anyway, young Master W brought along his Mac laptop to our rendezvous the other day and for the first time ever I was able to appreciate what all of these Appl Mac wallahs have been chuntering on about.

How about speed and design? Nothing looks or feels complicated on a Mac. You want to open iTunes on a Mac, you’ll have to wait all of less than a second for it to load AND run. Yes, so long! I just opened iTunes on my Acer Extensa as an experiment and it took 7 seconds to start. On this laptop, HP TouchSmart, it took 33 seconds to load and run: this included having to agree to the terms and conditions AGAIN, the file list being rebuilt AGAIN and being asked if I want iTunes to be my default player AGAIN.

I was shown a video demonstration and could hear nothing so I asked, “When will the screaming cooling fan start to operate as the system becomes overheated?” That didn’t happen. As I type this, the fan on the HP laptop is working overtime even though I am only using this software, Windows Live Writer, gmail is on in the background, Outlook is open and there is a file downloading from the internet. This is a 64 bit machine with a huge disc drive and 3Gb of RAM … and still it struggles to cope.

Ease of use, sleek lines, Steve Jobs probably doesn’t have anywhere near as many people taking his name in vain as that Gates has, reliability …

We then went to the Apple Store in Regent’s Street in London and took a look at a few things, including their new magic mouse. A magic mouse would be wasted on a Windows machine: far too clever and smart, it would be the highlight of your computing day!!

One day when my PCs have all died I’ll buy a Mac!

DW

Mushrooms, Beautiful Mushrooms

I love mushrooms and if ever you find yourself in the Emirates lounge at LHR, see if they still do canneloni with mushroom sauce.

Simply divine dahling!!

DW

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Give him a Break will ya?

I had lunch with someone the other day, let's call him D! A propos some business and a bit of chitter chat, I wrote to D's mother and said this: that and D's body building exploits have given him a 52 inch chest.

Thinking that would generate a bit of pride and so on, I was shocked and somewhat amused at her response:

"... well, good for him but i just wonder whether he spends all of his time in the gym now rather than studying hard ... have you talked  about his studies?"

There was a conversation earlier in the year between me and the mother in question to the effect that these comments are counter productive. I got a promise that she knew and that she would never make them again!!

DW

Fran BA (Hons) and her Papa

Had this photo taken outside the Corn Exchange Theatre, Cambridge yesterday just before Fran was admitted to the degree of BA ...

Who is that suave gentleman with Fran?

DW

Is this the World's Smallest Hotel Room?

The title asks the question!

DW

Sideways Look at an Hotel Room

Just for the record, here is my room in the Al Khafji Beach Hotel.

DW

Dali, my Emirates Heroine

Dali, my Emirates heroine!

I flew from Dubai to Heathrow yesterday and Dali was virtually my personal stewardess for parts of the flight. As I got onto the plane she spotted that I am a frequent flyer (they don't all spot that!) and made my stay a warm and inviting one.

Dali is from Japan, spent five years in New Zealand where she picked up their accent and learned perfect English.

We found that we have pies and Cadbury's chocolate in common. We chatted for a long time at the start, middle and end of the flight and she made me feel wanted.

Isn't that nice?

Well done Dali, my Emirates stewardess of the year!

DW

Backup Solution

That's Backup, not to be confused with Bacup which is a town in Lancashire.

I did lose a lot of data the other week when HP and Microsoft decided that all of my work should be in vain. Recent work, work for up and coming seminars and ALL of the one year's work that I did for Abingdon and Witney College ... gone or not entirely recoverable.

I was playing with the quick start button on my Acer Extensa laptop yesterday and came across a utility which I had not previously seen, in spite of owning the machine for almost exactly one year: acer NTI Shadow.

At the time of writing I have just backed up all of my main working files to a separate disk to the one the originals are on. Let's see what Gates can do now and OF COURSE I will backup to another computer AND another hard drive today/tomorrow.

Trust no one.

DW

Time to Replay the Games

I have just seen yet another blatant dive that turned into a penalty from one of England's supposed premier teams. A Liverpool player, surprisingly not SG, dived heinously badly to have a penalty awarded to them. The conversion of that penalty was taken by SG and it enable Liverpool to draw 2 : 2 against Birmingham City.

These cheats are driving me away from football.

Following simple/complex analysis by the Football League powers that be, points can be deducted, games replayed, wins awarded to the opposing team, players fined ... all of these things should happen because it's a disgrace and an embarrassment now.

DW

Fadge of the Berlin Wall!

No surprise the likes of Sarkozy are trying elbow their way into the celebrations. The PEOPLE of East Germany rose up against their nonsense leaders along with their brothers and sisters across the former Soviet Union. THEY drove their nonsense politicians out of office. THEY bravely faced their police forces and solders. THEY won.

I was sick the other day when I saw former politicians like Gorbachev and Bush Senior with the ailing Kohl being lauded for their contribution to the fall of the Berlin Wall. There was also an apology for the non appearance of the woman Thatcher: too ill to attend ... good.

No doubt history has firmly been rewritten so that these here today gone tomorrow politicians will get most of the credit.

Let's have another fanfare for the common man: it was them wot done it!

DW

Fabulous Sight

There were just two things missing from the equation:

• my good camera
• a clean window

On approach to Dubai International Airport this morning, just before 10 am local time, we came in from the North, over the Gulf and there to meet us was a prize winning photograph of a sight. The taller buildings of Dubai shrouded up to around one third of their average height with mist and the Burj Dubai rising skywards right in the middle. Fabulous!

If only I'd had my good camera with me and if only my window had been clean you'd all be swooning at the sight now.

DW

Next in Sequence

What is the missing number in this sequence:

1. 2. ? 32

DW


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Breakfast with Tom Jones

You know Tom Jones, the old Welsh warbler of course. Well, who woulld have thought you'd find him here on the Gulf singing Deliliah and several other hits. Let alone be with me for breakfast.

OK, not in person. But given the complete lack of anyone from anywhere near Europe let alone Wales, apart from me, I was surprised at the choice of today's music. Better than the rap music they played the other day though!!

DW

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Al Khafji, Saudi Arabia … video of the year?

Hello everyone, I am currently in Al Khafji on the Gulf for a few days and this video shows the beach just outside my hotel room. It’s a beachside paradise without people. Lovely view and gorgeous weather.

Enjoy this snippet!

DW

Cookery Programme Slop

I was desperate so I watched the Local Hero Cookery programme on BBC Lifestyle this morning and here are some of the things they said.

someone was passionate ... they said this about 8 million times

look at that ... eg look at that [piece of meat] ... when one looked there was nothing unusual to see, in my opinion

wow! ... said by the interviewer when a cook taking part in a cookery programme in which locally sourced ingredients was vital said that he was using local ingredients in his restaurant

a dish had 'Lavender going through it' What? WHAT?

Someone who said that even though he's a television chef (I'd never seen him before so I took his word for that) 'It's not just about cooking ...' We know!!

'He's so on my wavelength'

amazing is slipping down the list as it was mentioned only about one million times

Finally, not the best or the worst but the last one I noticed: reshtaurant!

I will renew my offer to the BBC to teach its presenters how to COMMUNICATE.

DW

Cheat, cheat, cheat ...

It's Saturday, it's Chelsea, it's a penalty ... the Chelsea centre forward ran into the penalty area along with a defender, slight contact possibly but then we see the arched back and the collapsing in a heap. It's bad enough that Chelsea were awarded an unfair penalty but the defender was sent off. Not good that.

In the same way, Kenwyne Jones was sent off in the Sunderland match as a result of an opposing player collapsing in a heap after a push by Jones. However, the opposing player collapsed while holding his face as if he had been punched by Jones. The replay shows nothing of the kind: Jones did NOT punch anyone. Not good that.

DW

Burnley 2 v Hull City 0

While Burnley were winning the game against Hull City at Turf Moor the BBC web site was persistently showing that the match was being drawn 1 : 1. Even when they put up the full time score it still said 1 : 1 draw. Just checked their videprinter and it shows a 2 : 0 win for the Clarets. Get in!

Then again, as Fulham were winning 3 : 1 over Liverpool, the BBC site was showing a 2 : 1 lead for Liverpool.

DW

Still Hounded by HP

Let me be optimistic and say that the new Touchsmart tablet pc I got from HP recently is working well.

Today we bought four new HP printers and I set out to install one for myself. On my HP tablet all is well. As for the Acer Extensa laptop, pshaw! Not only would the printer not behave itself but when i uninstalled the software that came with the thing and then carried out a system restore, I found I had lost a LOT of vital data. For some reason, the files I have lost are, by and large, those that I had not backed up on other computers/hard disks.

It’s weird and driving me wild.

I am trying another route to sanity.

DW

Yet Another Cheating Premiership Player ... well, one of the Usual Suspects

I am working and keeping an eye on the Chelsea v Blackburn Rovers match on the telly.

I heard a call for a penalty and turned to the screen to see Didier Drogba in close up. Immediately I said to myself, he just dived. The replay shows the archetypical arched back collapse in a heap cheating dive that is the hallmark of English football these days. He dived.

The sad thing is that Chelsea were leading 3 : 0 at the time. There is just no need for cheating at that level of the game.

DW

What?

I have just prepared and published two posts here but clearly there is something wrong with Blogger at the moment as I cannot access this blog: I can access Duncan's Diacritical Discussion, my other Blogger based Blog.

This is what I saw when I opened this Blog ... no use to me at all so I have written to Blogger asking them why they assume I can use the language local to where I am simply because I am where I am. Clots!

DW

Do Tectonic Plates SLAM into each other?

I read a report this morning about an earthquake: not the BBC but a site whose name has already gone. Well, they said that earthquakes in the region under discussion have come as a result of one tectonic plate slamming into another one several million years ago.

Now really, can something moving at maybe one centimetre or even one metre a year really be said to have slammed into something?

DW

You're Having a Laugh Mr Gates!

I have fallen for this one AGAIN! I like the idea of booting up a computer and then, rather than cold booting after a break or at the start of a new day, warm booting via the snooze/hibernate button.

Well, it's a right laugh. You might be able to do that once. No, let me be kind and say twice. Then you will find that after it has been warm booted three times it cannot cope: addins stop working, even MS's own programmes stop responding and we get the blue spinning wheel of death for up to five minutes at a time, access to some apparently running programs freezes.

So, you have to restart the computer.

This comes 24 hours after the launch of Windows 7 and although I will buy Windows 7 and I have read and heard A LOT of marketing guff about the new system, I am not that confident that it will give me the kind of experience that I know the average Apple Mac user is experiencing. Don't know about Linux and other OS users but I'll bet there is a lot less frustration with other established OS than there is with most flavours of Windows.

Windows XP seemed good by comparison with what went before: I saw the BSOD very rarely, things seemed more reliable. Of course boot times are slow and they get slower and slower very quickly as you load and use your computer more and more. Against the grain, Vista impressed me by the way it did things in a better way and more efficiently too: even error reporting and recovery seemed more impressive than before. Now, this Vista driven laptop is coming up to one year old and a 5 minute cold boot is fast for it: I even gave the thing an 840Mb boost by letting Windows use a 1Gb micro drive to speed up my system. Pah! (See my post, Gatesed Again!) The blue spinning wheel of death is a more frequent visitor now.

These Windows people often promise that the launch of a new version of their products is a new build, relying on nothing from before: I think they have given the lie to that now. Moreover, things like menus that are used throughout MS products are not consistent: they can look and behave differently even within Office products let alone between Office and Window and so on.

What really irritates me is that I know from my work that even now only 25% or so of the Office population has upgraded from Office 2003 to 2007. I also know from my web stats that 90% or so of my visitors are using a Windows platform to do so.

Gates and his colleagues took the microcomputer world by storm and by aggression throughout the 80s and 90s and we are now suffering from the monopoly they have created. I wonder what will happen, what will MS do, if Windows 7 flops like Vista did and like Office 2007 did?

We need a knight in shining armour. Along those lines, take a look at the Apple iMac just announced: stunning if everything they say is true. Then look at the new mouse that comes with the system: it's called a Magic Mouse. This magic mouse seems to me to be the new iPod/iTouch: the free thinking development that makes anyone wearing a baseball cap say, Wow! Amazing! It IS an astonishing mouse that Gates and his team could never come up with. Start here and no, I am not working for Apple or anyone connected with them ... http://store.apple.com/uk/browse/home/shop_mac/family/imac?cid=&cp=2712&sr=em

I have mentioned before that apart from Windows Live Writer, which is just one tiny application really, there is nothing about MS products that make me think that's amazing; and I mean amazing in its true an literal sense, not in the sense that is used by people of limited vocabulary who infest our screens and newspapers now.

Rant over!

DW

Gatesed AGAIN!

Why did I want to believe that Microsoft would keep a promise?

As with many people I accumulate odds and ends and one of these is a 1Gb micro memory card that I used to have in a phone until I bought an 8Gb card to replace it. I then put and kept that 1Gb card in this laptop to use it as and when necessary. Every time I switched the computer on I got a message announcing that it had found something new ... offering to let me look at the files on there or offering to use the card to help to speed up my system.

I fell for it and said, OK use the card to speed up my system. Windows told me it wanted at least 840 Mb of the 1,000 Mb on the card. Initially I thought that's just stupid because I can only use the remaining 160 Mb on the card for files and so forth. Anyway, I gave it a go and watched as the computer booted for the first time under this new and speedier regime.

Did I say speedier? I meant, under this new and completely unchanged regime. NO discernible change in performance at all that I can see. Maybe there are some hidden things happening that Microsoft is really proud of. As for me, I just feel more anti Gates frustration. I still keep wondering how the world fell for this chump so hard and for so long. Moreover, where is the competition to break the cycle of Microsoft domination to get rid of all of this Microsoft nonsense?

DW

Oxbridge and the Aristocracy

You may not have noticed the changes taking place in broadcasting and the media.

For centuries the aristocracy and Oxbridge graduates have dominated or les Fleet Street and then the BBC. You might not know that many comedians, cooks, actors and warblers are from the aristocracy and Oxbridge. Not just the obvious ones like the Monty Python team and the Goodies either. A LOT more than that.

DW


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Look at that and more!

In addition to amazing and passion and basically I am adding 'look at that' to my list of words and phrases to be banned from the language when the revolution comes.

'Look at that' is uttered by just about everyone on the telly who even so much as lifts a pan or a skillet let alone prepares something reasonable.

The extreme case was when the least good of the Hairy Bikers said 'look at that' when he had put some uncooked rice grains in a pan with some butter. I thought, look at WHAT?

I should add that any programme that remotely hints at DIY or building face lifts stays unwatched as I cannot bear to see EVERYONE at the end of such programmes as they open their eyes and say, 100% guarantee of this, 'Oh my God!' I find that so unnecessary and offensive.

Just been reminded of yet another one: national treasure. Grossly over used and mis applied. There are very few national treasures as it is a highly reserved concept. Thora Hird is the last one I can think of. What these media types do is to confuse frequency with treasure trove. Simply seeing someone like Stephen Fry everywhere ALL of the time does not, NOT, make him a treasure.

DW


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Don't Bathe your iPhone

Please be advised that I do NOT own or use an iPhone; but don't let that stop you from reading on.

If you feel you must use your iPhone whilst taking a bath, keep it OUT of the water. Unless, of course, you want it to stop working from time to time, to lose its signal from time to time, to drop calls frequently. If you are happy with that, drop it in the water.

DW

My new Home Office

I am now within a gnat’s nadger of finishing the complete refurbishment of my office at home and here’s the film to prove it. I chose Frank Sinatra singing the background song to reflect the fact that the office is very nearly finished (… and now, the end is near …), it’s a one off … unique in all respects!

DW

Come on Ireland

Watching Republic of Ireland v Italy and Ireland have just scored a belter. Keep it up lads.

DW
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using the Tablet

This post has been written on my H P Tablet laptop. I am writing this by hand using a stylus: on the screen. No typing. All magically.

Except. I just typed that last full stop.

I hope now that this computer will give me long a faithful service.

Au revoir!

DW

CAPTCHA

Ever heard of CAPTCHA? I'll bet you have! It stands for Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.

Did you know that when you use a CAPTCHA, which is where you do what you do on a web site and then have to type in those numbers and letters that are shown in a box before you press enter or submit, you might actually being used to solve a problem?

Apparently, some of the words/phrases used in CAPTCHA boxes have been causing problems arising from scanning texts: so, if you get it right, you might have solved a particularly difficult transcription problem for someone.

I got this from this month's Harvard Business Review which says that this wheeze is helping to transcribe the equivalent of 150,000 books a year, labour that would otherwise require 37,500 full time workers. Don't take that too literally as I think the operative word there is helping.

I think this is such a good idea.

DW

My new office

I am building my new office along with my neighbour Malcolm. We have been enjoying learning how to measure and saw and paint ... the biggest learning event for me was learning how to saw a piece of wood perfectly squarely. How did I do that after decades of misshapes?

The answer is that I learned to use a try square and a saw at the same time: hold the try square right up against the saw and take it carefully and as if by magic both horizontal and vertical sawing actions seem to behave themselves.

The office is really coming on now and I have already tested out the built in desk and so on. By the end of the weekend everything should be finished. I will reveal all here don't worry!

DW

Is that the Piece Prize?

Is it time to step off the planet now? The Nobel Peace Prize for Barack Obama? Are they joking? So far Obama has proven himself a decent sort of a chap but how on earth can he be said to have done enough to warrant such recognition?

Then again, at least they didn't give it to Kissinger again. Now there was a travesty if ever there was one. Actually, probably the biggest travesty in the whole of human history.

DW

Windows Live Writer is good!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again now that I have just received my replacement HP tablet pc and have just set up Windows Live Writer on it: Live Writer is very good, very impressive and I am writing this with it! I know, not that advanced but it set itself up and works with no bother.

DW

What a Surprise … good!

I was just pointed to a video on YouTube in which two drunken slobs from Swansea are seen fighting and making a nuisance of themselves in the town centre. We then see them walking through the town. For some reason they then turn back on themselves and decide that they need to pick on some men dressed as women who are standing in the street minding their own business.

We see one of the drunks trying to punch one of the trannies only to find that the trannie dodged the punch and instead of him lying prostrate, the drunk and his friend both end up prone.

What happened is that the two transvestites were both cage fighters on a night out! Needless to say, they despatched the drunks with ruthless efficiency and good for them.

The last thing we see is the police arriving, the drunks caught and the trannies turning up to tell the truth about what had happened.

There’s a lesson in life that these two numpties hadn’t learned: know your enemy!

DW

Hiccups ... pah!

I think this is a first.

I've got a memory of waking up during the night last night suffering from hiccups.

For the first time ever I stayed in bed, went back to sleep and stayed asleep.

How about that?

DW


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Billy the Beer

He used to lead the party and he was praised for the way in which he delivered his party conference speech without notes and without the need for hiding behind a microphone. Heseltine said, He is right at the top of his brief.

Well, how times change! Billy the Beer gave something akin to a speech this morning to the Tory Party conference and not only did he read it from his notes but he stood behind a microphone and was politely applauded for little more than 15 seconds or so when he had finished.

Why such a paucity? The answer is, the content: it was rubbish. He misled his party and made little sense, especially considering that in a year or so he might be our foreign secretary. What a frightening thought.

It can only get ... worse. The shadow chancellor speaks tomorrow!

I thought Boris Johnson's speech was enjoyable but focused in a micro political way on London matters.

I only watched those to fill in the time between a full plate of food and an empty plate!

DW

A Nap?

Just listening to my iPod when I fell asleep. I've got a nap for that! Original stuff from yours truly. DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Jet Setting Bores ... the aerobore

Anyone who knows me knows that I cannot abide those people who spend their lives talking about their latest flight, that stewardess whom they put in her place or their latest upgrade. These people are aerobores.

I have to admit from time to time the odd aeroplane or airport story can be entertaining. I am concerned, really concerned, with those people who think that after 5, 10 or even 30 or more minutes of retelling (they are CERTAIN to have told them many times already) tedious stories it is time for their piece de resistance ... their Humberside Airport Story.

Honestly, there has been such a Humberside Airport Story in my life and I am pleased to say I walked away from it. I could not afford to waste the time in listening to such rubbish.

This morning I was sitting in front of someone, a scale 8 aerobore, who was trying to impress and outdo the person he was sitting next to with his MOSCOW story. When I got to look at him: obese, not so smartly dressed ...

Then when we arrived at Manchester we were deposited on the apron and not at a stand. Of course, that usually means being carried to the terminal by bus. Now, for some reason there was a loud mouthed boorish oaf who felt he ought to vent bile on the lady who met us and was organising our carriage to the terminal. There were two buses there and when the first one was full, our organiser told our driver to close the doors and drive on. This oaf then said something like, well done madam, can't you see that when a bus is full, there is no room for anyone else ... erm, yes, she had already closed the door and was preparing the second bus.

This buffoon was then behind me in the passport control queue and he said, this is the worst airport I have ever been to. I wanted to say to him, well, if that's true, you haven't travelled very far have you? But that would have involved a negation of my own anti aerobore rule. Why did he say this, do you think? The reason is that there was a slightly longer queue than normal and that was because just before our plane arrived, a Qatar airways 777 had arrived ...

I should ban my own aerobore stories now shouldn't I really?

DW

A Prediction

I have made a few predictions this year, including one or two about Barack Obama, that have been proven prophetic. Well, here's another one.

There will be a Stephen Fry cook book on your coffee table and book shelf before too long.

Fry, that tall omnipresent, gay, comedic person, has recently lost around 6 stone in weight and as he is the darling of lahlahland, there is doubtless a queue of cook book publishers baying outside his door as I type this. This is a repeat of the situation in which Nigel Lawson (the formerly fat but still fumbling former Chancellor of the Exchequer and father of that inanely grinning cook Nigella Lawson) found himself.

Lawson was very fat, lost a lot of weight such that Rhinoceros wrote letters to him asking him for advice on beauty treatments for a Rhino!!! Then someone thought he might have something to contribute to the health and girth of the nation and he published a book on how to stop being so fat. Can't wait for the sequel, how to stop being such a fumbler.

Could be worse, could be a book by Nigel Slater on how to make yourself appear to be sincere.

DW

Talk about biased reporting

The news this morning on BBC World News included an item on the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. The bidding cities are girding their loins as bids have to be in very soon.

Then sent Roland Buerk (son of BBC reporter Michael) out to Tokyo to cover the event since Tokyo is bidding for the 2016 games. Buerk said this:

... only 56% of people living in Tokyo want the 2016 Olympics ...

Erm, ONLY 56% Mr Buerk? 56% is the majority of people who want the games to go to Tokyo.

DW

Is this an "Only in Britain"

So the Attorney General reported herself for a breach of the law. She admitted to employing an alien cleaner and was duly fined £5,000 for her pains.

The low life politicians then round on the woman and say she herself has to resign because she's no good now.

But then, here's the only in Britain part: the alleged illegal immigrant cleaner signs up with that Max Clifford, a PR wallah. Now,lo and behold the cleaner is not only not deported nem con but will probably end up considerably wealthier than all of us and a British resident/citizen.

Makes me want to emigrate again.

DW

Making the unmissable news unmissable

If you live in or have been to the UK recently you may have seen the advertisement on BBC television for the BBC iPlayer. The strap line for the iPlayer is that it makes the unmissable unmissable: missed something and you can often watch it at your whim an pleasure when you want via the iPlayer via the internet.

Well BBC World News has gone one better: if you have missed a news item, don't worry, it will be repeated every 15 minutes or even less. Even if you are a day or sometimes two days late, don't worry because the chances are it will still be running.

DW

More on Language

I have been noticing over the last week or two how people on radio and television are using these nonsense nouveau words in their every day speech:

• amazing
• passion
• about

It has got to the pitch where I am making a mental note of how early in the day it is when the first of these linguistic strangulations occurs.

Usually it is the mangling of the preposition about that gets in first: everything is about these days, not only the grossly offensive,

it's about rain, it's about clouds, it's about weather

but reporters and ordinary people use about when another preposition is far more appropriate.

Amazing is usually number two in the list and has normally been uttered by someone well before 7:30 am.

Passion is being very heavily used in the context of a competition and the one I tend to mention most is a cookery competition but I have seen trailers for those so called talent shows in which someone will regale us with their passion for their warbling talent. This week I watched a couple of the BBC's Masterchef: the professionals programme and not only have I been horrified at what supposedly professional chefs are happy to cook but every single one of them felt the need to tell us that they were passionate about food. I beg to differ and if I am wrong, they would not be such inept cooks.

However, yesterday, passion got in first, before amazing; and that was as late as 9:00 am. How about that?

By the way, if you are wont to say something is amazing, I urge you to take a look at the definition of the word. The fact that Anne Battenberg's daughter used the word amazing about 3 or 4 times in a sentence when she "won" the BBC Sports "Personality" of the year award the other year should not be taken as a signal that we can all do the same.

DW

Oops!

I sent my CV to someone last night and he just called me to ask whether I was a child prodigy since I seemed to have started my teaching career at the age of 12!

Oops! I'd inadvertently chopped 10 years of my age.

I've been using that CV for ages and no one else has mentioned that before. That happens with some of my teaching/training materials too ... as if anyone ever reads that!!!

DW

Camera Focus Tip

When you are trying to focus the lens of an SLR camera and it seems to be constantly out of focus, check that you are wearing your spectacles, if you normally wear them.

DW


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Burnley v Sunderland

Mixed feelings today as Burnley entertain Sunderland at Turf Moor in the Premier League.

Burnley by birth and Sunderland by adoption, having lived there for nine years and having been a regullar at Roker Park throughout that period.

Up the Clarets!

DW


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My Operation

When we talk about medicine and doctors and the NHS we all say how vitally important it is to maintain the confidentiality of the doctor patient relationship. However, you can travel on a bus or train, walk down the street and even sit in a cafe or restaurant and hear people discussing their most intimate details of their medical history.

Well, I'm not going to do that save to say I had an operation on Wednesday: keyhole surgery. The benefit of it being keyhole surgery is that I was operated on at around 8:30 am and was home by around 3:00 pm. Alternatively I would probably still be in hospital two/three days later and would need six weeks off work rather than being able to go back to work immediately.

I say immedidately but I got tired very quickly yesterday and today because of the lasting effects of the anaesthetic. The pain is minor, however. I am also fit enough to wander the streets a little.

Then again, I recovered a lot quicker than the much younger man in the bed next to me!

So now you know and here is a photo of the key holes they used to operate on me. If you are squeamish, turn away now!

DW

Excel 2007 with Excel Master

It's official: www.excelmaster.co.uk ... I can now reveal the address of my new web site. This is the web site for my up and coming book which will be called Excel 2007 with Excel Master.

The site is up and running but it is a work in progress at the time of writing. There are some good and useful things there already but there are going to be a lot more.

The book is more than half written now and it's going well.

Take a look at the web site: www.excelmaster.co.uk

Let me have your feedback and let me have your ideas: if there's something you want me to do, let me know and I'll do it if I can.

DW