Steve McLaren

Steve McLaren as the England football manager. Now let it be said again that he shouldnever have been appointed to the job. They shouldn't call him head coach: head case more like.

It's dreadful to have been proven prophetic in a case like this but I was right and he will go next week if England fails to rout Andorra: let drew 0:0 with Israel last night and that's another team they should have routed.

 

DW

Stupidity don't you think?

Correction the doomsday clock is at five minutes to midnight at the moment, 24th March 2007.

DW

Stupidity don't you think?

Let me tidy up that last post.

There is something in economics and finance called the efficient markets hypothesis that contains a massive get out clause for the wary amateur: don't expect sudden changes in the prices in the stock markets because you think there ought to be. The efficient market has probably already taken account of everything you and I can imagine.

So how stupid then that as a result of the holding of those 15 Bitish servicemen by Iran:

Oil prices have risen to their highest level this year after 15 British navy personnel were seized at gunpoint by Iranian forces in the Gulf.
(See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6485529.stm)

So a raging inferno is about to unfold? Universal conflagration? I don't think so.

End of that rant. New rant.

Now, what about that doomsday clock: currently set at seven mintues to midnight. Midnight represents armageddon. Now isn't that stupid? They initialluy set the clock around 60 years ago at a stupidly late place on the dial and every times something happens such as a Middle East crisis and global warming, the panic everyone into thinking armageddon is imminent. They out to have set it at around 2 am in my opinion and even now it should be no later than around 2:30 pm.

Who are these clowns?

DW

Scaps III: reminder

Finally! Older readers will remember that for my fiftieth birthday I was taken by my family to Harry Ramsden's original fish and chip extravaganza near Leeds as I'd asked for an experience that I could have enjoyed on the day of my birth. Fish and chips at Harry Ramsden's filled the bill.

The point is, that I asked for and got scraps with my dinner. Not just scraps but an entire plate of scraps all to myself. A side plate of scraps indeed. I must have a photo of them somewhere if Bill Gates didn't do for it when he did for the laptop I used to own!

Ah scraps! Are they really illegal now? If they are, no wonder we lost an empire.

DW

Scraps II: the sequel

Well, I'm shocked. Hot on the trail of my recent expose on scraps, as in chips and scraps, I have found an article on the web with the heading, This is 'Ull (This is Hull!) and in it they reveal the demise of scraps in that fine Northern city but they also reveal the shockng truth that scraps were on sale there too. More than that, just listen to this:

"Scraps have also been a popular tool for bartering with the local prostititutes. As elderly resident Arthur Handmill says : I remember when you could get a decent bit of how's- your- father for two shillings and a scrap buttie."

Now it may be that this article was initially published on 1st April so it might all be a bit of codology (pun intended ... chips shops ... fish ... cod and chips ... codology ... oh, forget it!) but just imagine that it's true. The suffereing we would have gone through if we'd had to pay. Then again, the affections of a young lady for the price of two bob and a mere scrap buttie!!!

Take a look for yourself at http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thisisull.com/humour/img/scraps.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thisisull.com/humour/hullnews1.html&h=164&w=140&sz=6&hl=en&start=23&tbnid=1A09l5G92yCgBM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=84&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchips%2Band%2Bscraps%26start%3D18%26ndsp%3D18%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

You'll see a photo of some scraps there too: nostalgia!

DW

 

Scraps

Now, I imagine that many of you have never had scraps, as in chips and scraps. I bet that even fewer of you have had scraps and pea gravy. They were the stuff of life in a small Northern English town of the 1960s when we used to frequent the chip shop once or twice a week.

 

Now that I am inhabiting the nancy South of England, scraps are hard to come by. I am using a Chinese chip shop in Bicester at the moment and not only are their chips good by Southern standards but they serve huge portions: one bag of chips being enough for two or three people. Seriously, try it! Anyway, every time I go in I mention the scraps and am told they don't keep them. I then wax lyrical about them and am working on the outcome that one day they will relent and serve me with some scraps.

 

Someone in that chip shop told me last week that when they got scraps at their local chippy, they had to pay for them. Canyou believe that? Not me! As demonstrated by the Chinese, they are a waste product and the way they got into a bag of chips when I were a lad is that they were dumped into a container at the end of the frying range to be emptied into the bin once full. However, if anyone asked for scraps with their fish and chips, they got them ... FREE OF CHARGE. If no one asked for them, they were wuzzed.

 

I let it be known last week that scraps with pea gravy was a delicacy that impudent people like us used to ask for from time to time: again, completely free of charge even though they were served in a bag as in bag of chips! How about that: take a small ladle of liquid from the pan of mushy peas and add them to a bag of scraps? Marvellous! Beats chicken tikka marsala any day. I love curries, too, of course; but the old tastes can't be beaten.

 

DW

 

 

Oatcakes

If you are not Scottish or someone who likes oats, you may not appreciate oatcakes.

I am half Scottish by blood and I love oatcakes. For years I have wanted to have a go at making my own oatcakes and coming across a packet of oatmeal in the supermarket today I decided to give it a go and I am extremely glad I did.

I have eaten half of the batch of oatcakes I made with cheese and they are fantastic. I have to confess that I ate them with Brie: Somerset Brie, that is! I like the oatcakes that are sold in the shops but mine were outrageously good.

Well done Rose Elliot for including the recipe in her book!

DW

Accounting Information System

There are times when one simulcast in a day just isn't enough; but both of my blogee communities need to know the following.

 

Late last year I was contacted by a publisher in the USA asking for my permission for an author of theirs to use something from my duncanwil web site. They showed me what they wanted to use and I agreed. I didn't ask for payment, of course, but did ask for a copy of the book when it came out and yesterday it arrived!

 

Go to pages 26-27 and 28 to see what pearls they have used from my page http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/code.htm

 

By the way, this is not the first time that page has been used. A very famous academic accountant, Germaine Groer, borrowd the same page a couple of years ago and said to me that it was the best thing he'd read on coding for accountants anywhere. It also led to a very good friend of mine from over 25 years ago getting back in touch as he was looking for things on coding for some training he was doing. We chatted by email for a while and then I had my monster computer crash and I lost his email address ... Barry Clayton, please write again!!

 

Anyway, the book is by Robert L Hurt and is called Accounting Information Systems: basic concepts and current issues, published by McGraw-Hill Irwin ISBN 978-0-07-319555-1. I'm not sure when it will be generally available and I will review it on my duncawil site in a week or so, all being well. I have skimmed it already and it contains some very nice features.

 

DW

Putt's Law

Simulcast again. This time to announce that I've just heard of Putt's Law:

 

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.

DW

MENSA here I come

It's official, I'm really smart!

 

Well, you knew that anyway but now it's official!

 

When I was a late teenager, I bought a few IQ test books and found that my IQ varied according to those tests from 120 - 170. Of course, those tests weren't entirely reliable and although I tried to be honest, I'm sure I tweaked things a bit from time to time. So, let's discount the outliers from my scores: my IQ was probably nearer 170 than 120.

 

OK, OK, that's a joke, it's highly likely to be at or near 120.

 

Today I read a newsletter that sent me to someone's web site that took me to the MENSA pre membership entry test and I scored 80%. They told me I am probably eligible to be a MENSA member.

 

Thought you'd like to know that.

 

DW

The petrol saga

I managed to get some petrol yesterday morning so was able to complete my journey to Bicester.

I know you'd want to know!

DW

Petrol, what petrol?

My petrol tank was at a low ebb this morning so I needed to get it replenished first thing. No problem, things like that happen.

However, I got to the Esso station ... No petrol. I went round the corner to the Tesco station ... No petrol. I couldn't face getting embroiled in the queues to get to the BP station, so I worked from home today.

I will go out shortly to see what the story is now but modern Britain, eh?

DW

The best laid plans of ... me!

So I decided the other day to resurrect my tapes and play them in the car. I selected my favourites and carefully laid them on the front passenger seat ready for use. I would have organised them a bit better once I'd thought about how I could do that.

Then on the A34 on way to Bicester for the first time in goodness knows how many weeks or even months, I had to slow down all of a sudden. So you are being treated to what's left of the before and the definite after ... on the floor scatterd as you can see!

Why does one bother?

DW

How was it for you? Did you make an effort to see the first lunar eclipse for over three years?

I did and I took a picture of it with my phone camera and I was astonished to find that the picture turned out rather well. As you can see here.

I took the picture a few minutes after totality.

DW

Personality Test You should find this test is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.Scroll down to begin the test and record your answers on a piece of paper.Your overall score will tell you something about who you are now and not who you were in the past.There are only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question. Choose the answer you think is best or most appropriate if the perfect answer isn’t available. Finally, I don’t know who wrote this test but thank you from all of us! Ready? Begin 1 When do you feel your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon &and early evening c) late at night 2 You usually walk ... a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly 3 When talking to people you ... a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4 When relaxing, you sit with ... a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you 5 When something really amuses you, you react with ... a) big appreciative laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile 6 When you go to a party or social gathering you ... a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7 You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted … a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes 8 Which of the following colours do you like most? a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray 9 When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are ... a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers 10 You often dream that you are ... a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant POINTS: 1 (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4 (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7 (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8 (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9 (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1 Now add up the total number of points. OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Now, this is exactly what I was talking about before. After Zara Phillips won the BBC Sport's Personality of the Year award, I said here that if only they'd thought of this before, they would have entered the Queen Mother for the same competition. I was thinking expecially of the QM as a 90+ year old just to show that all she needed to do to win the award was to be a Royal. She would have won. Now I have been vindicated as Helen Mirren has won an Oscar for something that looks like a ropey story in, at best, 'Made for TV' style. She won it by PRETENDING to be the Queen. Let's run amok now and get Charles Battenburg on one of these dancing or skating things where people of no talent but who are known by some of the population as celebrities thrown themselves into an activity that is really aimed at reviving their careers and making them loads of money. Now, Chuck doesn't need the money as he receives the equivalent of a lottery win every year of his life. He would obviously give any winnings to charity but he would win. Keep running amok and put Harry Battenburg in one of those 'Whose baby' programmes: that could really be interesting couldn't it? Add a DNA test element and we're off! Whatever the outcome Hal would win whatever was up for grabs. How about Wills Battenburg in a celebrity being dead concerned programme where the public votes off someone week by week. Put him up against other celebs who are dead concerned like Sting, George Michael, Madonna (another Queen), Angelina Jolie and Mother Theresa (I know she's met her maker but when she was alive she was concerned and now she's expired she really is dead concerned). Wills would walk it: it's his genetic ability to be dead concerned as both mother and father are or were dead concerned. Just today, Chuck, his dad, is in Dubai being concerned about children going to eat at McDonald's. See? Then put Camilla Pork Bag Bowels on one of those 'Don't wear that stuff' programmes with those women who are as hoity toity as Camilla herself. DW

Unless you're British you might think what follows is rather odd. If you're British, you know it's rather odd but then you have learned to tolerate it!

I was sent the following photographs by a friend from Romania and have to say I have no idea who owns the copyright in the pictures and have to admit that they are not mine.

The script that cam along with the pictures is: please notice that whoever wrote it did not understand the concept of the roundabout!

Crossings: practice Imagine you are driving in England, already a bit confused driving left. Then, suddenly you see this sign:

Now, what is this?

A few metres further you see this!!!!!

What a sweety! There are a few of them in England: in Swindon, Cardiff, London and Southampton. In the middle driving direction is against the direction on the outer circle. No wonder, God put these peaple on an island.

DW

If you want to find an IT based company to design, implement and host your web site: a PHP and database driven web site with lots of interesting features, let me give you a warning. Do NOT use adstockweb of Milton Keynes They are less than useful. They will take thousands of Pounds in advance then they will be late, then they will make hundreds of mistakes, many of them elementary, then their MD will get very angry with you (attack being the best form of defence in his book). Then they will ask for more money and when you challenge the additional charges and want to negotiate vis a vis their lateness and mistakes and appalling implementation, they will take you to Court. If they read this their MD will doubtless get very angry again. I don't care. We all make mistakes, we all do things badly from time to time. They are a bad advert for the IT industry. DW

A warning

I don’t do this very often and it might land me in hot water to do it but as a service to humanity here goes.

 

If you are looking for an IT partner: someone, say, to build a database driven web site and someone to help you with your email requirements, there are many companies to choose from.

 

Now, when you have an IT partner, you don’t expect them just to type out a load of php code that gives a web site that is not in the least bit interactive do you? You don’t expect to find HUNDREDS of coding errors do you? You don’t expect them to take thousands of Pounds in advance from you and then, having made all of these mistakes and having been very late on delivery, to charge you some more do you? Moreover, when you try to enter into discussions over the mistakes and lateness and you ask them to revise their charges in the light of that, you don’t expect them to take you to Court do you? You don’t then, whilst the negotiations are still under way, expect them to take down your web site and for them to place a notice for all the world to read that says that you have failed to pay your bill do you?

 

OK, in view of all of your ‘No’ answers; and bearing in mind that you would like a good and clean IT partner,

 

 

DO NOT under any circumstances approach Adstockweb of Milton Keynes

 

They may become very angry at this message if they hear about it and their managing director is a very wild character who screams in writing. He wrote at one stage to say that his people had worked overtime on our project that we had not been charged for and he KNEW that they had made just one mistake, a spelling mistake, in the entire project. When I confronted him with the hundreds of mistakes they had made, he didn’t respond. No apology, no retraction. He just carried on with his claim in the Court.

 

DW

Spelling

Another simulcast (I know it's nothing like a cast let alone a simulcast but I like the word!)

 

I went to the post office the other day to buy a postal order (remember them?) to pay for something at Companies House.

 

The young lady behind the counter dutifully advised me that there is commission to pay on postal orders which I gratefully acknowledged. Then she asked me if I would like a name to be put onto the order and I said yes, 'Companies House'.

 

She repeated 'Company House'; and I felt a sense of anguish: did she hear the singular or plural? Should I say something. I argued with myself that they must receive all sorts of oddly named cheques every day and would sort out the problem. I waited.

 

Then it arrived: a postal order for £10 plus commission of £0.88 made out to Companys House. I thought I might complain but then thought that such a cancellation of a postal order might cause the young lady a small amount of inconvenience and trouble so I moved on and said nothing.

 

Now, of course, if the thing comes back to me that could cause me and my client a problem.

 

Isn't it fantastic to be so English?

Duncan Williamson