The petrol saga

I managed to get some petrol yesterday morning so was able to complete my journey to Bicester.

I know you'd want to know!

DW

Petrol, what petrol?

My petrol tank was at a low ebb this morning so I needed to get it replenished first thing. No problem, things like that happen.

However, I got to the Esso station ... No petrol. I went round the corner to the Tesco station ... No petrol. I couldn't face getting embroiled in the queues to get to the BP station, so I worked from home today.

I will go out shortly to see what the story is now but modern Britain, eh?

DW

The best laid plans of ... me!

So I decided the other day to resurrect my tapes and play them in the car. I selected my favourites and carefully laid them on the front passenger seat ready for use. I would have organised them a bit better once I'd thought about how I could do that.

Then on the A34 on way to Bicester for the first time in goodness knows how many weeks or even months, I had to slow down all of a sudden. So you are being treated to what's left of the before and the definite after ... on the floor scatterd as you can see!

Why does one bother?

DW

How was it for you? Did you make an effort to see the first lunar eclipse for over three years?

I did and I took a picture of it with my phone camera and I was astonished to find that the picture turned out rather well. As you can see here.

I took the picture a few minutes after totality.

DW

Personality Test You should find this test is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.Scroll down to begin the test and record your answers on a piece of paper.Your overall score will tell you something about who you are now and not who you were in the past.There are only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question. Choose the answer you think is best or most appropriate if the perfect answer isn’t available. Finally, I don’t know who wrote this test but thank you from all of us! Ready? Begin 1 When do you feel your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon &and early evening c) late at night 2 You usually walk ... a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly 3 When talking to people you ... a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4 When relaxing, you sit with ... a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you 5 When something really amuses you, you react with ... a) big appreciative laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile 6 When you go to a party or social gathering you ... a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7 You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted … a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes 8 Which of the following colours do you like most? a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray 9 When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are ... a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers 10 You often dream that you are ... a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant POINTS: 1 (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4 (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6 (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7 (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8 (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9 (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1 Now add up the total number of points. OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Now, this is exactly what I was talking about before. After Zara Phillips won the BBC Sport's Personality of the Year award, I said here that if only they'd thought of this before, they would have entered the Queen Mother for the same competition. I was thinking expecially of the QM as a 90+ year old just to show that all she needed to do to win the award was to be a Royal. She would have won. Now I have been vindicated as Helen Mirren has won an Oscar for something that looks like a ropey story in, at best, 'Made for TV' style. She won it by PRETENDING to be the Queen. Let's run amok now and get Charles Battenburg on one of these dancing or skating things where people of no talent but who are known by some of the population as celebrities thrown themselves into an activity that is really aimed at reviving their careers and making them loads of money. Now, Chuck doesn't need the money as he receives the equivalent of a lottery win every year of his life. He would obviously give any winnings to charity but he would win. Keep running amok and put Harry Battenburg in one of those 'Whose baby' programmes: that could really be interesting couldn't it? Add a DNA test element and we're off! Whatever the outcome Hal would win whatever was up for grabs. How about Wills Battenburg in a celebrity being dead concerned programme where the public votes off someone week by week. Put him up against other celebs who are dead concerned like Sting, George Michael, Madonna (another Queen), Angelina Jolie and Mother Theresa (I know she's met her maker but when she was alive she was concerned and now she's expired she really is dead concerned). Wills would walk it: it's his genetic ability to be dead concerned as both mother and father are or were dead concerned. Just today, Chuck, his dad, is in Dubai being concerned about children going to eat at McDonald's. See? Then put Camilla Pork Bag Bowels on one of those 'Don't wear that stuff' programmes with those women who are as hoity toity as Camilla herself. DW

Unless you're British you might think what follows is rather odd. If you're British, you know it's rather odd but then you have learned to tolerate it!

I was sent the following photographs by a friend from Romania and have to say I have no idea who owns the copyright in the pictures and have to admit that they are not mine.

The script that cam along with the pictures is: please notice that whoever wrote it did not understand the concept of the roundabout!

Crossings: practice Imagine you are driving in England, already a bit confused driving left. Then, suddenly you see this sign:

Now, what is this?

A few metres further you see this!!!!!

What a sweety! There are a few of them in England: in Swindon, Cardiff, London and Southampton. In the middle driving direction is against the direction on the outer circle. No wonder, God put these peaple on an island.

DW

If you want to find an IT based company to design, implement and host your web site: a PHP and database driven web site with lots of interesting features, let me give you a warning. Do NOT use adstockweb of Milton Keynes They are less than useful. They will take thousands of Pounds in advance then they will be late, then they will make hundreds of mistakes, many of them elementary, then their MD will get very angry with you (attack being the best form of defence in his book). Then they will ask for more money and when you challenge the additional charges and want to negotiate vis a vis their lateness and mistakes and appalling implementation, they will take you to Court. If they read this their MD will doubtless get very angry again. I don't care. We all make mistakes, we all do things badly from time to time. They are a bad advert for the IT industry. DW

A warning

I don’t do this very often and it might land me in hot water to do it but as a service to humanity here goes.

 

If you are looking for an IT partner: someone, say, to build a database driven web site and someone to help you with your email requirements, there are many companies to choose from.

 

Now, when you have an IT partner, you don’t expect them just to type out a load of php code that gives a web site that is not in the least bit interactive do you? You don’t expect to find HUNDREDS of coding errors do you? You don’t expect them to take thousands of Pounds in advance from you and then, having made all of these mistakes and having been very late on delivery, to charge you some more do you? Moreover, when you try to enter into discussions over the mistakes and lateness and you ask them to revise their charges in the light of that, you don’t expect them to take you to Court do you? You don’t then, whilst the negotiations are still under way, expect them to take down your web site and for them to place a notice for all the world to read that says that you have failed to pay your bill do you?

 

OK, in view of all of your ‘No’ answers; and bearing in mind that you would like a good and clean IT partner,

 

 

DO NOT under any circumstances approach Adstockweb of Milton Keynes

 

They may become very angry at this message if they hear about it and their managing director is a very wild character who screams in writing. He wrote at one stage to say that his people had worked overtime on our project that we had not been charged for and he KNEW that they had made just one mistake, a spelling mistake, in the entire project. When I confronted him with the hundreds of mistakes they had made, he didn’t respond. No apology, no retraction. He just carried on with his claim in the Court.

 

DW

Spelling

Another simulcast (I know it's nothing like a cast let alone a simulcast but I like the word!)

 

I went to the post office the other day to buy a postal order (remember them?) to pay for something at Companies House.

 

The young lady behind the counter dutifully advised me that there is commission to pay on postal orders which I gratefully acknowledged. Then she asked me if I would like a name to be put onto the order and I said yes, 'Companies House'.

 

She repeated 'Company House'; and I felt a sense of anguish: did she hear the singular or plural? Should I say something. I argued with myself that they must receive all sorts of oddly named cheques every day and would sort out the problem. I waited.

 

Then it arrived: a postal order for £10 plus commission of £0.88 made out to Companys House. I thought I might complain but then thought that such a cancellation of a postal order might cause the young lady a small amount of inconvenience and trouble so I moved on and said nothing.

 

Now, of course, if the thing comes back to me that could cause me and my client a problem.

 

Isn't it fantastic to be so English?

Duncan Williamson

The Language of the Medical Profession

I tried to publish this on Sunday, I SAID IT TRIED TO PUBLISH THIS ON SUNDAY. If you like big words and complicated things, then hear this. I said HEAR THIS! That's a joke, as you'll see. Went to the hospital the other week as I said and I got a copy of the letter from that quack to my GP quack that tells me that I've got a right cholesteatoma with a large aural polyp and a degree of posterior canal wall erosion. My left drum is grossly retracted posteriorly with an incudo myringostapediopexy present. There is a limited attic retraction with clearly visible limits also on the left. The right ear is fistula negative and the facial nerve function is normal. Pardon? DW

Here's one of life's top tips that you would do well to heed. When you leave the house and you are the only one living there, make sure you take the keys with you that will get you back into the house again should you, wisely, lock the house if you are wandering, say, a couple of miles away on foot and/or for a lengthy span of time, say an hour or more. What's so top tippy about this? Well, I left the house late yesterday afternoon with a bit of stress as I was running around like a baf trying to ensure that an official letter was posted along with 30 accompanying letters. I took a set of keys with me. When I got home I found the keys in my pocket and they were, erm, the car keys. I searched every pocket three or four times but could not turn the car keys into house keys. Of course, if I were a television magician I would have. In fact, if I were a television magician I wouldn't need any keys, just a powerful mind would be enough. So no one at home but the spare keys are with a neighbour and ah, good, one of their cars is in the drive. I rang their doorbell. Silence ensued. I rattled the letter box a bit. Silence ensued. Gulp! Their car was nestled up against the garage door in the way they do when they go away for days on end or even weeks. £$"!"%*", I said. I milled around: I never leave opportunities for thieves. There was no way in and I didn't want to smash anything. I called Dima: nope, his keys are with him, not in the garage or anywhere else, except his room, in London. Thoughts of a conversation I had a couple of decades ago with my mate Barry Clayton: I said, let's invent the lock that is secure but impossible for the owner/residentto be locked out by. Why didn't I stick with that thought? I didn't. OK? That lock has not been invented: well, there are palm print recognition devices now but they are expensive ... Those push button combination locks come nearest but I don't own one of them do I? I sat in the car and waited for a while. The car steamed up and I was hoping that no one would see me and invite me in to sit with them as I waited for the neighbours who were now 45 minutes or so later than normal. I almost hid myself but living where I live, there's not much chance of anyone ambling along and spotting me! After an hour of waiting and against my better judgement I called a locksmith: I knew it was going to be expensive and I put it off as long as possible. They confirmed the job when they rang me back: we'll be there within the hour. Hour and a half at the top. My heart sank: £104 per hour or part thereof plus VAT plus materials. £$"!"%*", I said. Well, sit it out with Radio 4 on the car radio for company. 30 minutes, a vehicle coming my way, the neighbour opposite. 40 minutes, a vehicle coming my way, an attractive young lady for the young lady opposite. 47 minutes, a vehicle coming in my direction: it turned around and parked in the drive of the house opposite. I was now dreading the neighbours with the keys arriving at the same time as the locksmith and slid further down in my seat. 55 minutes and a vehicle came my way, it pulled into the key laden neighbours's drive. I hurriedly looked round to see if the locksmith had arrived with them, he hadn't. Acting quickly now, I got out of the car and said, 'I've been waiting for you.' The lady looked stricken, I said 'I left the house with the wrong set of keys and I'm locked out.' She let out a gasp and said, 'I thought we'd done something wrong ... Her partner said, 'Guilt! That's the legacy of a Catholic upbringing for you!!' I got the keys and waved at their baby and exchanged a few more pleasantries. All the while heading for the house to make my call. Set my things down ... where's the mobile? Stress, doom, the expense!! Went back outside, no mobile in the car. Back inside, looking in every available pocket of trousers and coat. No mobile. Kitchen? No mobile! Nooooo! It can't be. Then it turned up in the living room, on the arm of the settee where I'd put it! I called the locksmith, the number I'd first called and told them, being brave and confident I'd told myself, that I didn't need them now as I'm in! You need to call another number ... aaagh! More time wasted. They must be just around the corner by now. I called the new number and was brave and confident again. No need ... I'm in ... Thanks anyway. Oh OK, he said, I'll tell the engineer!! Phew! Praise the Lord, I said. In my several decades I have never taken the wrong set of keys before and I can't remember ever being locked out when it was my fault so this was a trauma for me. At the end of it all and to some extent, it's not the being locked out that's painful it's the time wasting that it involves that got at me. Fortunately I didn't have a chip pan on of a tap running. So all's well that ends well and praise the arrangement of neighbours looking after each others' keys! DW

Blair v Marr

I watched Tony Blair being interviewed by Andrew Marr on the BBC this morning and I got tired of Marr's persistent rubbish.

 

I may or may not agree with Blair but why on earth did they invite him on when he kept being cut off in mid stream because Marr wasn't getting the answers he wanted? Marr had an agenda: this is true isn't it Mr Blair. Blair said, there is another opinion, you know. CHOP!

 

Mr Blair, Iraq is a disaster because there was never an exit strategy ... Blair said, you know, people are killing each other and it's not British soldiers ... there are other problems and opinions ... CHOP!

 

It's the same on the Radio 4 Today programme where the interviewers there aren't looking for balance either: they just want their interviewee to admit that they were wrong or that someone else is right so why can't they say so? If they don't then it's CHOP time.

 

Of course, I can now imagine journalists and opposition political types saying, did you see Blair squirm this morning: Marr persisted but Blair kept repeating the mantra and saying there is another opinon. Marr was right to change the subject ...

 

DW

Two jokes for accountants

Let me share with you two funnies that I got hold of yesterday.

It appears that three out of every 10 would be willing to abstain from sex for life in return for £1 million. In the same survey, the found that more men would rather sleep with David Beckham than with his wife!

Bart Simpson put accountants in his sights and came up with this: Adam and Eve were the first bookkeepers: they invented the loose leaf system.

Both quips came from the Feb 2007 edition of PQ Magazine.

DW

Churchill

I have managed to get to the end of Roy Jenkins' biography of Winston Churchill and whilst my reveiw of it will appear on my site very shortly I have to say that Jenkins was probably the wrong person to write the book and I think Churchill was not so great: severe personality problems, exceptionally poor leadership skills, dreadful inter personal communication abilities and an awful sychophancy complex.

 

Apart from that, don't forget that Churchill was voted the best Briton ever in a Radio 4 Today programme poll a year or so ago!

 

I should temper what I say by saying that Jenkins' book contains the vast majority of anything that I know about Churchil so may be being a little hasty in my assessment.

 

I'm glad I read it though and am thinking about a trip to Chartwell!

 

DW

Cameron and his nonsense

I really do despair at these people and their belittling of the rest of us.

Cameron says he is entitled to a private past: well, that's exceptionally selective isn't it as we are encouraged to learn a lot about his private past when it suits him.

Then again, there's his private present: I've never seen it except on quiz programmes; but Cameron opens up his present private life via a web camera. Now, won't that become his private past? Then imagine if someone watches that thing at some time in the future and spots a stolen painting on the wall of Cameron's living room or some such ... Cameron denies it was stolen and hides behind his private past. Or any other scenario you can imagine.

There have been massive scandals involving politicians and all sorts of other people that stem from private pasts and I strongly believe it's far better out than in.

Because he's refusing to discuss it and because he was caught on the hop when he was first confronted on this issue a couple of years ago and refused to discuss it then, I lost a lot of respect for this man. He's dug a hole for himself and for some reason insists on keeping digging.

Clot!

DW

Well, it's been a long time coming but the hounding is now beginning. It SEEMS that Bernard Matthews MIGHT have been importing infected Turkey meat when common sense says they shouldn't. The company denies it shouldn't have stopped. They said in the news that EU rules prevented the UK government from banning such imports. The newspapers are full of doom and mismanagement. I caught the strident voiced Andrew Marr on the BBC giving what fettle on this subject as I flicked to Radio 4 digital on the telly this morning!

Hey ho!

UPDATE: it's funny, this one. The government is taking the initative and may be prosecuting Bernard Matthews so the media is quiet. I can reveal exclusively, however, that these journo types are desperately digging to find some dirt on the government. There will almost certainly be a Panorama special on this issue within the next six months. Meanwhile, it's fairly quiet I'm happy to say.

DW

Following the revelation in a biography of the leader of the conservative party that he smoked cannabis as a 15 year old school boy I wrote this on the 'Have your Say' section of the BBC web site but I doubt it will be published so you can read it here:

Given the powers of cannabis, we can see that Cameron is clearly suffering from its longer term effect.

More than that, it strikes me that William Hague has a lot of explaining to do. UPDATE: Cameron has just been on the radio to say that he has done things in the pst that his is sorry for but he's not going to admit or deny anything to do with the latest revelations.

DW

Several of you have written and asked me why I've got a picture of that Triumph 2000 car on this Blog. I went to the North East last week as you know and my companion and I stopped for a short sojourn part of the way there and that Triumph parked next to my car in the mean time. I remember that model and it's in such good condition I felt the need to snap it. The driver came back as we were about to leave and he told us that it's a 1964 model. Beautiful irony: I took a picture of the car from the back end as well and only once I'd looked at the picture did I see that he'd parked the thing under a sign saying 'New Range ... '. 43 years late but it did look new! DW

Hmm, it's tempting, very tempting. Microsoft is offering a free of charge 60 day trial of its new Office 2007 software. I had taken part in their Beta trials last year and even though Outlook 2007 Beta collapsed on me in spectacular fashion, I started the trial yesterday.

I told the software to install the 2007 version completely separately from my existing 2003 version. I also kept the default do not install Outlook 2007 in tact.

The first thing I did was to take a very, very quick look at Access 2007 since that is where I am spending a lot of my time at the moment but did nothing with it. I then created a Form in Access 2003 and I found that it had overwritten my Calendar ActiveX control by installing Calendar 12.0. That then caused a problem as when I send that database to a colleague the
calendar failed to work.

I also noticed throughout the day that I seemed to be receiving a lot more junk mail than normal. This morning, the same: every junk message and I think viral message was getting through to my inbox even though I'm well covered with anti virus software and have hundreds of junk mail interventions in place (they're still there, I checked). I don't know why yet but even though I didn't install anything to do with Outlook, I think it may well have interfered with my system in some way.

I wrote to MS about the first problem and then found the second problem later.

Let's see what happens now as I did ask for feedback from these people.

DW