Checking in

This is a simulcast: both of my blogs are publishing this short post.

 

I checked into my hotel in Bangkok a couple of hours or so ago and here is a top tip for you.

 

Because I worked for a company a few years ago whose standard hotel group was the Sheraton Group, I joined the hotel's Preferred Guest programme. I then benefitted from automatic upgrades when checking in as well as gathering points which I have used for free nights at their hotels in Park Lane and Knightsbridge in London.

 

Why this message then? Well, I have recently moved house and somewhere along the way I have lost my Preferred Guest card ... since I have stayed at this hotel before, they remembered me and automatically upgraded me.

 

That's service then!

DW 

Stupid Mother of the Year Award

I've got a nomination for the Stupid Mother of the Year Award. The stupid mother I have just seen driving her car with her baby on her lap. She was wearing her seatbelt, bless her; but her young sprog was not and was clambering all over the place.

 

So stupid: shouldn't we stop people like this from breeding?

 

DW

Boyish enthusiasm and the shape of langwidge to come?

As I wolfed my muesli, bran flake and all bran mixture for breakfast this morning I turned on a programme on the Discovery Civilisation channel called The Worst Jobs in History. This programme is presented by Tony Robinson, of Baldrick fame in the Blackadder series.

 

Boyish Enthusiasm

 

I switched on as they were discussing dreadful jobs from the Stuart period of British history and for some reason they blew up a car with three kilogrammes of gunpowder: something to do with Guy Fawkes. So the thing exploded and afterwards Robinson bounded in with boyish enthusiasm and said:

 

'Look at that. It's amazing, that hole'

 

Hmm, such language! I understand Robinson is the holder of a PhD, too. Let him be enthusiastic but why would he find a hole in a car amazing after having blown it up with all of that gunpowder?

 

Langwidge to Come?

 

As the adverts came on they showed a screen with this message on it:

 

Worse Jobs in History

Day

 

That nonsense is exactly equivalent to the clown who created a similar screen for the BBC version of 'The Apprentice: You're fired' with Alan Sugar. In that case the clown had typed:

 

'The Apprentice: Your fired'

 

Who is editing these things and how do these people who may well be semi literate get such jobs? They'll be writing 'I would of thought I done it right' next!

 

DW

 

 

Tote that barge!

I was told this fantastic story last night and it had us all rolling around laughing!

 

Jack (not his real name!) lives on a canal barge in Todmorden, West Yorks and to comply with various bits of legislation he has to move it now and again. So, he moved it around 100 metres from where it had been posted and carried on with his normal everyday life. Then he went for a couple of pints and had a good time. He wended his merry way home and when he got to where he normally went, he started to clamber aboard the good barge lollipop then SPLASH!. Nothing wrong with his memory except that it was offset by around 12 hours.

 

Jack tells the story that it was shocking enough when he fell into the canal but he lost his grip as he scrambled out and fell in again. Just as badly, when he did get on board there was no heating or hot water to be had as he hadn't lit a fire that day.

 

True story that!

 

DW

 

Frustration

I called my mobile operator yesterday because I desperately needed to send a fax. I was told it will be possible ... but the operator told me she couldn't finish the job then and wouldn't be in the office again until next Tuesday. Could I wait? Given an apparent lack of choice in the matter I said it could. It took me a lot of effort but I managed to send the fax in another way. DW

Celebrity Chef? Clown Chef more like. How old are you?

I know I am harsh on this blog sometimes but, hey, that's what blogging's
all about isn't it?

I have set up a radio system in my bedroom now so I can end and start the
day with my favourite BBC Radio 4. This means that I can then watch
Breakfast Television on BBC 1, having caught up with the world in bed.

Anyway, they had on "Celebrity Chef" James Martin to talk about tinned food.
Well, they would have done better to have me on to be honest. At one stage,
trying to defend his pathetic and ill thought out arguments, he said, 'Who
soaks peas any more? Serve marrowfat peas from a tin.' Clown! As he was
saying this, there just happened to be a goodly batch of dried peas ready
for me to cook for today's dinner ... I've already cooked them and eaten
half of them.

Tinned marrowfat peas are no substitute for real mushy peas. That chap calls
himself a Yorkshireman too: even more of a disgrace.

Then I got round to hiring a van for the weekend and was asked for my age:
when I told the young sounding lady at the other end of the line she said
'Brilliant'. Hmm, good!

DW

Chocolat

Finished reading the book chocolat by Joanne Harris and I didn't like it in the slightest.

 

Review will follow in a day or two!

 

DW

The weekend

Dima and Veronica came to stay for the weekend and that was good. Went out on Saturday night with Susan and Neville and D and V at a local Chinese restaurant: Wok 1 in Halifax. Nice sized restaurant with a good sized buffet and they have a lot of veggie options. The sweet trolley is extensive too: several lovely cakes plus ice cream and not just ice cream!

 

I have now moved the coffee table from the middle of the living room to the side and that has opened up the room a huge amount. I have also put my crockery away in the sidebaord and have switched on the lights in there and that has added a nice ambiance to the room too.

 

There is a big old hi fi set in the cupboard upstairs, courtesy of the previous occupants and that has an FM aerial which I filched for my own little stereo kit. So now I've got a radio/CD player/cassette player in my bedroom together with remote control so now I've got radio 4 on tap in almost every room in the house now! Plus other stations when I feel the need for change.

 

The weather has just turned a bit chilly here and there's been a fair amount of rain today too.

 

Thought I'd share all of that!

 

DW

Electrocution!

My car's battery drains at the drop of a hat and whilst I don’t like it I live with it for now. What that means is that if I don’t drive it for a day or two I will probably have to give it a boost with my battery booster! I was doing that on Thursday, just outside the house, when a kindly looking gentleman came along and this conversation ensued.

 

He:   Be careful with them [the leads on the booster]. Make sure you don't let them touch otherwise you might get a shock.

 

Me:   I did that once but I just blew the fuse.

 

He:   I'm living up the road, well, it's my parents house because I live in Cheltenham (I think he said), I work on Casualty, the television programme. Anyway, my dad did that, let the leads touch and he got a shock. He collapsed. I went to him but I couldn't touch him because I would have got a shock as well. So I dialled 999 and they told me not to touch him. Just collapsed he did.

 

So I just had to leave him alone until the ambulance came.

 

Me:   That's terrible and thanks for the advice ...

 

Friendly chappie that!

 

DW

It's the North

Talking to daughter Fran this evening and when I said it's a bit damp up here she said without a touch of irony, "Well, it is the North."! Cheeky monkey.

 

DW

Weight or wait

I now know that BMI, a British low frills airline, makes you pay for excess WAIT and not excess WEIGHT, as erroneously printed on their tickets and terms and conditions.

 

I flew back from Heathrow to Manchester the other day and paid £20 for the privilege of carrying an extra 4 kilogrammes of weight in my suitcase. I paid it even though I know all scheduled airlines think nothing of as much as 5 kg more with some waiving even more than that.

 

However, they have then unleashed their excess wait on me: they have lost my suitcase. Not just delayed it but lost it. At the time of writing, two full days since I travelled, I have spoken to them several times, have got an authorisation to spend up to £25 on life's necessities: toothbrush, soap ... whatever I need.

 

As it happens, there is well in excess of £1,000 worth of things in that suitcase: a suit, blazer and shirts are all made to measure and expensive to replace. My shoes are Church shoes and will cost £200 to replace ... As we speak, my mobile phone is being recharged in the car ...

 

I am tolerating "Jane" at the other end of the phone at the moment but will want to move on to someone more substantial very soon. I don't have any more business shirts as all 11 of them were in that case. I haven't shaved since Monday morning but will have to buy another razor now ... Why have I put Jane in inverted commas? The little thing is in Bangalore I think and is as likely to be called Jane as I am to be called Tarzan! No offence!

 

British Airways went through a phase of delaying my suitcases but at least they always got them back to me pretty quickly. BMI now, here's a completely different kettle of fish.

 

DW

More language stupidity

I was standing in a queue at WH Smith in Terminal One at Heathrow yesterday and overhead an English sounding person standing behind me talking to his wife:

It's in the REGULAR cupboard at the end ...

I really wanted to ask him how many irregular cupboards he's got and what makes a cupboard regular?

Stupid people trying to be something that doesn't exist.

DW

Top Tip: if you want to carry a jar of instant coffee in your suitcase, make sure the lid of the jar is securely fastened. DW

England and football

He's known in some newspapers as Steve McClown: Steve McClaren, the England football manager.

 

I watched the match between England and Israel last night, a vital match as England attempts to qualify for the Euro 2008 championships. Whilst England won 3: 0 I came away feeling that England's performance was aimless. Meandering up and down the pitch with little to convince me that there was any longer term strategy underlying the performance.

 

Why McClown then? Well, he's was interviewed after the match and claimed a magnificent victory.

 

England faces Russia in the next match in this series: we'll see more of the truth then I think.

 

DW

Where was Pavarotti from?

Listening to those insecure English speakers on Sky News you would be confused as to where Luciano Pavarotti was born and is now buried. As these people do their best to adopt more and more AmerEnglish, I have heard that Pavarotti was born in

 

Mo'dinna

Moder'na

Modee'na

and a couple more that I can't remember now.

 

Pavarotti was born etc in Modena and In the old days, Modena used to be known in England as Modena, pron Modee'na.

 

Do these people go to classes to forget how to speak properly? I think it takes a lot of effort to forget how to speak properly. For example, I cannot and probably will never talk about the movies or the box office as I was brought up on films and the cinema. In the old days only Michael Parkinson ever said "The Movies".

 

One thing that's getting my goat at the moment is those inadequates who have learned to say 'neither ... or' instead of the correct 'neither ... nor'. One of the BBC's sports journalists said that a few weeks ago so I wrote to him to point out the error of his ways. The errant journalist replied and said he'd no idea when he'd said it but apologised anyway. It must have been in his script because he said it more than once in the programme he was presenting.

 

Janet Street Porter said neither ... or, too, the other day on a BBC programme about art when she was trying to present the argument that Andy Warhol was better than Michealangelo (or was it Leornardo da Vinci?) Her teeth almost fell out given the haste she was in to tell us that she actually met Warhol once: name dropping was neither needed nor appreciated, madam!

 

I eat neither lard nor meat thank you!

 

DW

She really is not that interesting for right thinking people

I'm sorry but I've just got to say it. Luciano Pavarotti died yesterday and both Sky news and BBC World did him proud. Except that as the day wore on they managed to find more and more footage of Pavarotti with that woman Diana Frances Spencer. Please, please can you leave that woman to rest in peace now? It's enough that a seemingly mentally weak billionaire is keeping her inquest going without a load of sychophantic journalists and broadcasters feeling the need to keep her in the public eye in the way they are. DW

The World's Tallest ... Dubai

You may well have seen it first ... right here. The world's tallest building and it's still growing. The world's tallest building is here in this snap that I took last week. Which building is it? Well, it's erm, the tallest one, at the back!!

A debut for the first time!

Oman: just read a notice in the hotel, advertising a jazz pianist and her skills. Apparently, she's making her debut in Muscat for the first time. 'nuff said! DW

A Queue and Yours Truly

So there I was near the end of this snaking and hideously long queue at Dubai International Airport ready to check in for my flight to Muscat and there was an incident.

The people right in front of me were of the stand still type: as the people in front of them moved forward, they didn't. A non English speaking man from behind me tried to get them to move: each time the queue moved and they didn't, he lunged at them ... all friendly and relatively stress free. We then got to a meander in the queue and as these people didn't move forward, someone came round the corner and joined the queue IN FRONT OF THEM. I thought, bloody typical.

The stand still people stood still and someone else joined the queue in front of them, then two others. I took complete control at this stage, beginning with the words "Excuse me ... " Waving arms in the direction of the real queue I announced that they had joined the queue in error and should go to the back. I even spread my arms as if picking up the four people like a conjourer juggles four boxes of matches and lifted them from their current position to the back of the queue in a virtual manner!

The old non English speaking man felt that he ought to join in at this point but I gently informed him that he ought to take care of himself and very gently edged him away: he went.

The pushers in all pushed out and went to the back of the queue as they should have and one of them even apologised for his misunderstanding.

The stand still people said nothing but then did move forward and the queue then behaved well after that.

The non English speaking man said, "Thank you. Thank you." to me!!

Interesting eh?

DW

-- Duncan Williamson

US Senator Sex Scandal

That sex scandal doing the rounds in the US Senate at the moment re the member from Idaho reminds me of that fantastic but equally sad moment from one of those reality Cops programmes from years ago when someone was being dragged into custody and under the nbormal pressure of being arrested he said,

 

Ah's guilty but I didn't do it!

 

Over to you Senator!

 

DW