Fly by NIght ... well, twilight!

I normally post these straight to Facebook rather than here but, what the heck, here goes. If you don't like flies, maybe this will turn your stomach.

I am using a macro lens with my camera to take photos of insects on flowers and shrubs and things. I then crop the photos to bring out the features ...

and here's a colony of greenflies with other insects on a rose bud

Also on a rose bud

There you are: I love this macro lens ... it's 1:3.5 and would love a 1:1 lens but worry about their price. Also, I haven't seen one yet!

If you know the proper names of these insects, why not let me know? Just post a comment here.

DW

Bill Gates I want to meet you

I saw that smug and self seeking BG on the television the other day and he was extolling the virtues of some software that allows someone to talk to their television and for the television to recognise them in some way.

I thought, so fricking what, Gates? You can’t even get your basic software to work properly let alone something to do with a television.

My Acer computer is going through a midlife crisis at the moment: it’s two years old now! On Saturday Excel 2010 failed to respond SO many times and I thought I had lost a lot of my latest work as it died and then Windows said it couldn’t start and would repair itself. It went through this many times.

In the end I am STILL worried that things will collapse in a gates induced heap but it is starting by itself now, albeit slowly.

Every year I have a major gates induced problem and I hope this doesn’t get any worse and is this year’s problem.

These things waste hours and hours.

Then there’s my other laptop, an HP TouchSmart, that can’t find the HP printer it’s connected to. More wasted time.

DW

Back in the Gym

Hard work and no play … ended again. Working many hours a day every day keeps the mind active and alive.There are limits though to the sedentary lifestyle so I am back in the gym again.

Nothing excessive, though: I walk on the treadmill for around 25 minutes: starting slowly and then getting fairly energetic including spells on a 12% incline. Enough to require some breathing and sweating!

In the gym I am using at the moment I am using a stepping machine too: 100 steps this evening. I will build up from that fairly low base.

I have never been that good at upper body exercise for some reason so I just tinker with small weights for that.

I’m doing my bit.

DW

Children say these things

Back in harness now but while I was at home I was doing some sorting out and read one of our family holiday journals from a LONG time ago and here are two classics.

Andrew told us the story of a lesson at primary school when his teacher Mrs Crozier was talking about people wearing funny clothes. After the teacher's introduction, she asked the children, "Does anyone know anyone who wears funny clothes?" and Andrew volunteered, "Yes Miss, my Uncle George" That was true, he was a bit eccentric in that department at times.

Daniel: I went to the toilet for a pee and was wearing some light coloured trousers. As sometimes happens, things get held in reserve and then embarrassingly release themselves, showing the world how careless one has been. I wrote in the journal that I dashed back to the room before joining the family and got the iron out and ironed the offending water mark in situ. I did what I thought was enough and then joined the family. As soon as I walked through the door Daniel asked, "Have you wet yourself?" Doh!

Kids!!

Forgot to make a note of when that was but if Andrew remembers how old he was when he was taught by Mrs C, we can work it out from there!

DW

Windows Feature: a wonder to behold

Vista Home Premium

Click Start to put Windows to sleep ... Not to switch off!

Let it sleep.

Now, unplug a USB device.

Boing! It wakes up again!

More time to waste, Gates, getting it back to sleep again.

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

So Clever!

It's true, someone said that to me this evening!

So, I was chatting to Carrie about many things when she told me she had woken her boss in Texas at 2 am one day. She needed him to scan a document for her ... relating to a $6 million order/project.

The boss said, oh no, but my scanner's broken. He went to a nearby hotel and scanned then emailed the document.

I said, why didn't he take photos of the document with his phone camera or camera?

Carried stopped for two seconds or even three then said, that's so clever.

I said, I do it all the time.

She said again, that's so clever!

Made my day, that!!

DW

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The Stig

There is a breed of people who like to know things. Some things they have a right to know and if no one knows those things, these people are wont to research them. Good!

Some things are meant not to be known. So those people who like to know things should simply accept that these are the unknowables of life.

What am I talking about? The Stig of course: you know, some say he eats three Shredded Wheat for breakfast, some say he can bend iron girders with his teeth, all we know is, he's called The Stig ...

The Stig is the ANONYMOUS car driver who works for Top Gear* on the BBC. Part of the charm of The Stig is that no one is supposed to know who he is. It's good that way and I think we all like it too.

Then there are those smarty pants people who like to say, I know who The Stig is, I know who The Stig is! And they do because some spoil sport has unearthed his name and then written a book that includes his identity la la la.

They did all of this a couple of weeks ago and whilst I read the name of The Stig, it meant nothing to me. Still, ruined the illusion.

* Note: Top Gear is a BBC television programme that used to be a forum in which cars were discussed and demonstrated. Now it feeds Jeremy Clarkson's ego (after all, how can one be from Yorkshire and called Jeremy?), it does not feed James May's hairdresser since he has the most unruly late 1970s hair style and it feeds Richard Hammond's family as he is the least funny, witty and informative presenter on the team (and in fact on the whole BBC); and it might help if he were quite bit taller than he is!

DW

Hogging the Limelight was never this easy

So there's a narrow minded little man in Florida who claims to be a man of God. He runs a church or something with the word dove in its name. We all know that Doves are symbols of peace and love.

In a blatant self seeking marketing campaign this little man says on 9th September 2010 he will burn one or more copies of the Holy Koran.

Now he's got just 30 - 50 followers and yet for a week he generated publicity across the world, as far as I can tell, that would have cost him many millions of Pounds were he to pay for it.

How and why the major news channels, papers and web sites covered this story in such a way is a complete mystery. This little man might otherwise have burned the Holy Koran but who would have noticed?

I do not advocate the burning of anything like this: effigies, bibles, Korans, books, flags, people ... nothing.

It wouldn't be so bad if this were a genuine protest against something but it's clearly not and yet this little man had prime ministers, presidents and kings talking to him via the news media.

Astonishing and utterly irresponsible journalism in my opinion.

Then again, go to this little man's church or whatever it is on Sunday and see the size of his collection box. No doubt he'll now find himself on chat shows, panel games, being asked for his opinion on this and that. Typical small town little man who hit on a big idea.

DW

The Lone Fork Top tip

When that fork that you borrowed from the canteen is the ONLY means of eating your pot noodle without pouring it all over yourself, don't, repeat DO NOT, drop that fork behind a radiator where it is impossible to retrieve it.

Yet another top tip from yours truly.

DW

Billy the Beer

He's back, baseball cap and all!

Billy the beer, that erstwhile former leader of the Tory party has been caught with his pants ... OK, let's say half down!

As journalists and others dig into stories like this one, is he gay?, all sorts of things come tumbling out. Not only is the "other man" very young at half Billy's age but he's a quantity surveyor who graduated only five years ago yet he had become a special adviser to the UK's Foreign Secretary. How? On what basis? How and when did he apply and who conducted the interview? Was there an open competition for the job? Give me that job although the salary isn't that much I have to say!

Another aspect of the story is that as a former leader of the Party, Billy can apparently set his own agenda and do what he likes. They are saying the same about Iain Smith, the other former Tory leader in the Cabinet. The fact that these two are FAILED leaders seems to have got lost and in my world they behave or not and they are demoted or not.

Meanwhile, it seems that whatever the truth of this story, MPs and more especially senior MPs and Cabinet Ministers can get away with what they like.

One thing that comes across strongly for me, though, is the way Billy operates, on the basis that I have no time for the man. He boasted the other week how he and his Foreign Secretary equivalents from around the world text each other all the time. He also seems to tweet a lot. More than that, take a look at the photos in the press of Billy and then take a close look at his right hand: I think you will see a BlackBerry welded to it.

That BlackBerry welding says a lot more about Billy than many other things. Blair was hardly a technophile: as I understand he had/has never sent an email let alone used a PC (I stand to be corrected/updated). The fact that Billy is almost 50 years old and welded to a mobile phone tells me more than I need to know!

DW

Wheat'll they find next?

First posting for a while this is worth waiting for!

Did you know that the wheat genome is 5 times larger than the human genome, it contains 80,000 genes and 16 billion chemical letters? Moreover the wheat genome has just had its sequencing completed.

There you are!!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Paedophiles used to be Locked away

This story is a week old or so now but Roman Polanski was released from house arrest by the Swiss authorities following some sort of legal wrangle and deal.

Polanski ran away from the USA after having been found guilty of the drugging and rape of a 13 year old girl there.

For decades Polanski hid like all cowards but was caught on a trip to Switzerland.

In any case, he has managed to escape from justice again. What has intrigued me, though, is the press coverage he has been receiving.

I have heard of people who are rightly indignant at Polanski's release since he has not served a sentence for the crime he committed.

There was one person who was interviewed on the BBC World Service network who said that Polanski's release was right and proper because of his contribution to cinema in Europe and around the world. Moreover, this oaf was looking forward to meeting Polanksi in London in the near future ...

Over the last decade or so there has been a massive movement against paedophilia and internet based child pornography sites and images and so on.

I have heard nothing recently to suggest that this man will be subjected to any of the privations currently visited on other convicted paedophiles.

Say what you like, but celebrity reaps many rewards. And another thing, I have watched very few of Polanski's films and the ones that I have, I have probably slept through much of!

DW

Listen to the Radio then

I know this is hardly news for many of you but here is what I want to say anyway.

I have tried to listen to the radio on mobile phones for quite a while now and as I type this missive I am listening very happily to the BBC World Service in absolute clarity on my Samsung mobile.

I NEED to have my earphones plugged in to act as the antenna but I am listening on the speaker, not necessarily the earphones.

When I have tried to listen to the radio on other mobiles I have often ended up being asked to pay for it. What I am listening to at the moment is free of charge.

Finally, I have listened to the radio on the phone now at home in the UK, in Dubai and now here in Central Asia.

Marvellous!

DW

Well, he did ask!

I was asked what I thought about the World Cup in South Africa. I'm afraid I got a bit bilious and here is the cleaned up version of what I said!

I have seen very little of the WC. The quality of reception in central asia is poor even though there's a dish supposedly pointing at Dubai on our roof. Happily I saw only a fraction of just one of the England games. They are a disgrace and have been for years. Abysmal players who earn vast fortunes and strut the world as if they know what football is. In truth, they are all just looking for the next woman to get to grips with. When they get caught with some tart, the wife throws up her hands in horror, runs off to their house in Dubai (they've all got one). He then tearfully takes time off to fly to our favourite Emirate to beg for forgiveness. The nation holds its breath.

The wife is now firmly ensconced as the injured party and is given celebrity status as a singer or actress or model ... they get to choose. In the case of that B****** slapper, she can design cars cos the world is populated by men who "know" cars cos they can tell their quality by kicking a tyre in a car show room.

Some players are clever. one player has just engineered a scam by having a sex scandal "erroneously" sent by text to many people. In horror he contacted the newspapers ... lies, lies he says. This oaf is now in the clear to spread his seed all over the delights of his district. Saves worrying about the football cos that Itie is taking the rap for that gaff!

DW

How about this?

A man came to the door the other day and introduced himself as the provider of a certain type of service. He wanted to know whether I might be interested in using his service. He gave me his business card which had this fantastic epithet on it:

The very best in Natural Light Improvement Technology

Now, what do you think the service is?

Answers on a post card please or even electronically.

DW

Weight Lifting Top Tip

Never let someone who works out with weights change a light bulb for you or you will find it in a thousand pieces on the floor rather than in one piece in the light socket.

Another top tip from yours truly!

DW

Time to get behind your team: England

Let's call for a ban in the England team of anyone who believes they are any good. The current team is filled with people who have no idea of how bad they are and yet they manage to cream off as much as £150,000 a WEEK in pay. The English Premier league is a decent league and is often touted as being the best in the world. We are told that some of our players are the best in the world.

Piffle! There is no one in the current England set up who can be classed as anything like the best in the world.

• Terry: yes, he is prepared to have his face kicked in
• Rooney: yes, he runs and is fearless
• Gerard: erm, what? who?
• Lampard: preferred his dad
• James: he draws a pension, yes? Straight from the WORST side in the Premier league and prone to error

We are probably going to dismiss a good manager now when it is the players and their woeful skills and abilities who should leave.

So, get behind the team and give it a right royal heave out of the ground. Let's start again with some decent players.

DW

Snooty Cow ...

... and she's probably from Cheshire.

That's the woman next to me on the plane who wanted me to lean away from her, "Just while I eat my dinner". When I got back from the toilet she'd changed places so her daughter was next to me. And the daughter twitched when I moved too!

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

World Cup Tripe II

England

DW

If not true, funny anyway!

These are just a few of the supposedly genuine questions and answers received/given by an Australian Tourism Website. Cracked me up!

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.   All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

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DW