A380 Model … so classy!

I took this photo in the Emirates lounge at LHR on Friday. Just love this plane. Hoping to go on it again soon!!

DW

Have you got a light Mac?

That tag line is the first part of an old joke … anyone know the second line?

Anyway, young Master W brought along his Mac laptop to our rendezvous the other day and for the first time ever I was able to appreciate what all of these Appl Mac wallahs have been chuntering on about.

How about speed and design? Nothing looks or feels complicated on a Mac. You want to open iTunes on a Mac, you’ll have to wait all of less than a second for it to load AND run. Yes, so long! I just opened iTunes on my Acer Extensa as an experiment and it took 7 seconds to start. On this laptop, HP TouchSmart, it took 33 seconds to load and run: this included having to agree to the terms and conditions AGAIN, the file list being rebuilt AGAIN and being asked if I want iTunes to be my default player AGAIN.

I was shown a video demonstration and could hear nothing so I asked, “When will the screaming cooling fan start to operate as the system becomes overheated?” That didn’t happen. As I type this, the fan on the HP laptop is working overtime even though I am only using this software, Windows Live Writer, gmail is on in the background, Outlook is open and there is a file downloading from the internet. This is a 64 bit machine with a huge disc drive and 3Gb of RAM … and still it struggles to cope.

Ease of use, sleek lines, Steve Jobs probably doesn’t have anywhere near as many people taking his name in vain as that Gates has, reliability …

We then went to the Apple Store in Regent’s Street in London and took a look at a few things, including their new magic mouse. A magic mouse would be wasted on a Windows machine: far too clever and smart, it would be the highlight of your computing day!!

One day when my PCs have all died I’ll buy a Mac!

DW

Mushrooms, Beautiful Mushrooms

I love mushrooms and if ever you find yourself in the Emirates lounge at LHR, see if they still do canneloni with mushroom sauce.

Simply divine dahling!!

DW

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Give him a Break will ya?

I had lunch with someone the other day, let's call him D! A propos some business and a bit of chitter chat, I wrote to D's mother and said this: that and D's body building exploits have given him a 52 inch chest.

Thinking that would generate a bit of pride and so on, I was shocked and somewhat amused at her response:

"... well, good for him but i just wonder whether he spends all of his time in the gym now rather than studying hard ... have you talked  about his studies?"

There was a conversation earlier in the year between me and the mother in question to the effect that these comments are counter productive. I got a promise that she knew and that she would never make them again!!

DW

Fran BA (Hons) and her Papa

Had this photo taken outside the Corn Exchange Theatre, Cambridge yesterday just before Fran was admitted to the degree of BA ...

Who is that suave gentleman with Fran?

DW

Is this the World's Smallest Hotel Room?

The title asks the question!

DW

Sideways Look at an Hotel Room

Just for the record, here is my room in the Al Khafji Beach Hotel.

DW

Dali, my Emirates Heroine

Dali, my Emirates heroine!

I flew from Dubai to Heathrow yesterday and Dali was virtually my personal stewardess for parts of the flight. As I got onto the plane she spotted that I am a frequent flyer (they don't all spot that!) and made my stay a warm and inviting one.

Dali is from Japan, spent five years in New Zealand where she picked up their accent and learned perfect English.

We found that we have pies and Cadbury's chocolate in common. We chatted for a long time at the start, middle and end of the flight and she made me feel wanted.

Isn't that nice?

Well done Dali, my Emirates stewardess of the year!

DW

Backup Solution

That's Backup, not to be confused with Bacup which is a town in Lancashire.

I did lose a lot of data the other week when HP and Microsoft decided that all of my work should be in vain. Recent work, work for up and coming seminars and ALL of the one year's work that I did for Abingdon and Witney College ... gone or not entirely recoverable.

I was playing with the quick start button on my Acer Extensa laptop yesterday and came across a utility which I had not previously seen, in spite of owning the machine for almost exactly one year: acer NTI Shadow.

At the time of writing I have just backed up all of my main working files to a separate disk to the one the originals are on. Let's see what Gates can do now and OF COURSE I will backup to another computer AND another hard drive today/tomorrow.

Trust no one.

DW

Time to Replay the Games

I have just seen yet another blatant dive that turned into a penalty from one of England's supposed premier teams. A Liverpool player, surprisingly not SG, dived heinously badly to have a penalty awarded to them. The conversion of that penalty was taken by SG and it enable Liverpool to draw 2 : 2 against Birmingham City.

These cheats are driving me away from football.

Following simple/complex analysis by the Football League powers that be, points can be deducted, games replayed, wins awarded to the opposing team, players fined ... all of these things should happen because it's a disgrace and an embarrassment now.

DW

Fadge of the Berlin Wall!

No surprise the likes of Sarkozy are trying elbow their way into the celebrations. The PEOPLE of East Germany rose up against their nonsense leaders along with their brothers and sisters across the former Soviet Union. THEY drove their nonsense politicians out of office. THEY bravely faced their police forces and solders. THEY won.

I was sick the other day when I saw former politicians like Gorbachev and Bush Senior with the ailing Kohl being lauded for their contribution to the fall of the Berlin Wall. There was also an apology for the non appearance of the woman Thatcher: too ill to attend ... good.

No doubt history has firmly been rewritten so that these here today gone tomorrow politicians will get most of the credit.

Let's have another fanfare for the common man: it was them wot done it!

DW

Fabulous Sight

There were just two things missing from the equation:

• my good camera
• a clean window

On approach to Dubai International Airport this morning, just before 10 am local time, we came in from the North, over the Gulf and there to meet us was a prize winning photograph of a sight. The taller buildings of Dubai shrouded up to around one third of their average height with mist and the Burj Dubai rising skywards right in the middle. Fabulous!

If only I'd had my good camera with me and if only my window had been clean you'd all be swooning at the sight now.

DW

Next in Sequence

What is the missing number in this sequence:

1. 2. ? 32

DW


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Breakfast with Tom Jones

You know Tom Jones, the old Welsh warbler of course. Well, who woulld have thought you'd find him here on the Gulf singing Deliliah and several other hits. Let alone be with me for breakfast.

OK, not in person. But given the complete lack of anyone from anywhere near Europe let alone Wales, apart from me, I was surprised at the choice of today's music. Better than the rap music they played the other day though!!

DW

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Al Khafji, Saudi Arabia … video of the year?

Hello everyone, I am currently in Al Khafji on the Gulf for a few days and this video shows the beach just outside my hotel room. It’s a beachside paradise without people. Lovely view and gorgeous weather.

Enjoy this snippet!

DW

Cookery Programme Slop

I was desperate so I watched the Local Hero Cookery programme on BBC Lifestyle this morning and here are some of the things they said.

someone was passionate ... they said this about 8 million times

look at that ... eg look at that [piece of meat] ... when one looked there was nothing unusual to see, in my opinion

wow! ... said by the interviewer when a cook taking part in a cookery programme in which locally sourced ingredients was vital said that he was using local ingredients in his restaurant

a dish had 'Lavender going through it' What? WHAT?

Someone who said that even though he's a television chef (I'd never seen him before so I took his word for that) 'It's not just about cooking ...' We know!!

'He's so on my wavelength'

amazing is slipping down the list as it was mentioned only about one million times

Finally, not the best or the worst but the last one I noticed: reshtaurant!

I will renew my offer to the BBC to teach its presenters how to COMMUNICATE.

DW

Cheat, cheat, cheat ...

It's Saturday, it's Chelsea, it's a penalty ... the Chelsea centre forward ran into the penalty area along with a defender, slight contact possibly but then we see the arched back and the collapsing in a heap. It's bad enough that Chelsea were awarded an unfair penalty but the defender was sent off. Not good that.

In the same way, Kenwyne Jones was sent off in the Sunderland match as a result of an opposing player collapsing in a heap after a push by Jones. However, the opposing player collapsed while holding his face as if he had been punched by Jones. The replay shows nothing of the kind: Jones did NOT punch anyone. Not good that.

DW

Burnley 2 v Hull City 0

While Burnley were winning the game against Hull City at Turf Moor the BBC web site was persistently showing that the match was being drawn 1 : 1. Even when they put up the full time score it still said 1 : 1 draw. Just checked their videprinter and it shows a 2 : 0 win for the Clarets. Get in!

Then again, as Fulham were winning 3 : 1 over Liverpool, the BBC site was showing a 2 : 1 lead for Liverpool.

DW

Still Hounded by HP

Let me be optimistic and say that the new Touchsmart tablet pc I got from HP recently is working well.

Today we bought four new HP printers and I set out to install one for myself. On my HP tablet all is well. As for the Acer Extensa laptop, pshaw! Not only would the printer not behave itself but when i uninstalled the software that came with the thing and then carried out a system restore, I found I had lost a LOT of vital data. For some reason, the files I have lost are, by and large, those that I had not backed up on other computers/hard disks.

It’s weird and driving me wild.

I am trying another route to sanity.

DW

Yet Another Cheating Premiership Player ... well, one of the Usual Suspects

I am working and keeping an eye on the Chelsea v Blackburn Rovers match on the telly.

I heard a call for a penalty and turned to the screen to see Didier Drogba in close up. Immediately I said to myself, he just dived. The replay shows the archetypical arched back collapse in a heap cheating dive that is the hallmark of English football these days. He dived.

The sad thing is that Chelsea were leading 3 : 0 at the time. There is just no need for cheating at that level of the game.

DW

What?

I have just prepared and published two posts here but clearly there is something wrong with Blogger at the moment as I cannot access this blog: I can access Duncan's Diacritical Discussion, my other Blogger based Blog.

This is what I saw when I opened this Blog ... no use to me at all so I have written to Blogger asking them why they assume I can use the language local to where I am simply because I am where I am. Clots!

DW

Do Tectonic Plates SLAM into each other?

I read a report this morning about an earthquake: not the BBC but a site whose name has already gone. Well, they said that earthquakes in the region under discussion have come as a result of one tectonic plate slamming into another one several million years ago.

Now really, can something moving at maybe one centimetre or even one metre a year really be said to have slammed into something?

DW

You're Having a Laugh Mr Gates!

I have fallen for this one AGAIN! I like the idea of booting up a computer and then, rather than cold booting after a break or at the start of a new day, warm booting via the snooze/hibernate button.

Well, it's a right laugh. You might be able to do that once. No, let me be kind and say twice. Then you will find that after it has been warm booted three times it cannot cope: addins stop working, even MS's own programmes stop responding and we get the blue spinning wheel of death for up to five minutes at a time, access to some apparently running programs freezes.

So, you have to restart the computer.

This comes 24 hours after the launch of Windows 7 and although I will buy Windows 7 and I have read and heard A LOT of marketing guff about the new system, I am not that confident that it will give me the kind of experience that I know the average Apple Mac user is experiencing. Don't know about Linux and other OS users but I'll bet there is a lot less frustration with other established OS than there is with most flavours of Windows.

Windows XP seemed good by comparison with what went before: I saw the BSOD very rarely, things seemed more reliable. Of course boot times are slow and they get slower and slower very quickly as you load and use your computer more and more. Against the grain, Vista impressed me by the way it did things in a better way and more efficiently too: even error reporting and recovery seemed more impressive than before. Now, this Vista driven laptop is coming up to one year old and a 5 minute cold boot is fast for it: I even gave the thing an 840Mb boost by letting Windows use a 1Gb micro drive to speed up my system. Pah! (See my post, Gatesed Again!) The blue spinning wheel of death is a more frequent visitor now.

These Windows people often promise that the launch of a new version of their products is a new build, relying on nothing from before: I think they have given the lie to that now. Moreover, things like menus that are used throughout MS products are not consistent: they can look and behave differently even within Office products let alone between Office and Window and so on.

What really irritates me is that I know from my work that even now only 25% or so of the Office population has upgraded from Office 2003 to 2007. I also know from my web stats that 90% or so of my visitors are using a Windows platform to do so.

Gates and his colleagues took the microcomputer world by storm and by aggression throughout the 80s and 90s and we are now suffering from the monopoly they have created. I wonder what will happen, what will MS do, if Windows 7 flops like Vista did and like Office 2007 did?

We need a knight in shining armour. Along those lines, take a look at the Apple iMac just announced: stunning if everything they say is true. Then look at the new mouse that comes with the system: it's called a Magic Mouse. This magic mouse seems to me to be the new iPod/iTouch: the free thinking development that makes anyone wearing a baseball cap say, Wow! Amazing! It IS an astonishing mouse that Gates and his team could never come up with. Start here and no, I am not working for Apple or anyone connected with them ... http://store.apple.com/uk/browse/home/shop_mac/family/imac?cid=&cp=2712&sr=em

I have mentioned before that apart from Windows Live Writer, which is just one tiny application really, there is nothing about MS products that make me think that's amazing; and I mean amazing in its true an literal sense, not in the sense that is used by people of limited vocabulary who infest our screens and newspapers now.

Rant over!

DW

Gatesed AGAIN!

Why did I want to believe that Microsoft would keep a promise?

As with many people I accumulate odds and ends and one of these is a 1Gb micro memory card that I used to have in a phone until I bought an 8Gb card to replace it. I then put and kept that 1Gb card in this laptop to use it as and when necessary. Every time I switched the computer on I got a message announcing that it had found something new ... offering to let me look at the files on there or offering to use the card to help to speed up my system.

I fell for it and said, OK use the card to speed up my system. Windows told me it wanted at least 840 Mb of the 1,000 Mb on the card. Initially I thought that's just stupid because I can only use the remaining 160 Mb on the card for files and so forth. Anyway, I gave it a go and watched as the computer booted for the first time under this new and speedier regime.

Did I say speedier? I meant, under this new and completely unchanged regime. NO discernible change in performance at all that I can see. Maybe there are some hidden things happening that Microsoft is really proud of. As for me, I just feel more anti Gates frustration. I still keep wondering how the world fell for this chump so hard and for so long. Moreover, where is the competition to break the cycle of Microsoft domination to get rid of all of this Microsoft nonsense?

DW

Oxbridge and the Aristocracy

You may not have noticed the changes taking place in broadcasting and the media.

For centuries the aristocracy and Oxbridge graduates have dominated or les Fleet Street and then the BBC. You might not know that many comedians, cooks, actors and warblers are from the aristocracy and Oxbridge. Not just the obvious ones like the Monty Python team and the Goodies either. A LOT more than that.

DW


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Look at that and more!

In addition to amazing and passion and basically I am adding 'look at that' to my list of words and phrases to be banned from the language when the revolution comes.

'Look at that' is uttered by just about everyone on the telly who even so much as lifts a pan or a skillet let alone prepares something reasonable.

The extreme case was when the least good of the Hairy Bikers said 'look at that' when he had put some uncooked rice grains in a pan with some butter. I thought, look at WHAT?

I should add that any programme that remotely hints at DIY or building face lifts stays unwatched as I cannot bear to see EVERYONE at the end of such programmes as they open their eyes and say, 100% guarantee of this, 'Oh my God!' I find that so unnecessary and offensive.

Just been reminded of yet another one: national treasure. Grossly over used and mis applied. There are very few national treasures as it is a highly reserved concept. Thora Hird is the last one I can think of. What these media types do is to confuse frequency with treasure trove. Simply seeing someone like Stephen Fry everywhere ALL of the time does not, NOT, make him a treasure.

DW


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Don't Bathe your iPhone

Please be advised that I do NOT own or use an iPhone; but don't let that stop you from reading on.

If you feel you must use your iPhone whilst taking a bath, keep it OUT of the water. Unless, of course, you want it to stop working from time to time, to lose its signal from time to time, to drop calls frequently. If you are happy with that, drop it in the water.

DW

My new Home Office

I am now within a gnat’s nadger of finishing the complete refurbishment of my office at home and here’s the film to prove it. I chose Frank Sinatra singing the background song to reflect the fact that the office is very nearly finished (… and now, the end is near …), it’s a one off … unique in all respects!

DW

Come on Ireland

Watching Republic of Ireland v Italy and Ireland have just scored a belter. Keep it up lads.

DW
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using the Tablet

This post has been written on my H P Tablet laptop. I am writing this by hand using a stylus: on the screen. No typing. All magically.

Except. I just typed that last full stop.

I hope now that this computer will give me long a faithful service.

Au revoir!

DW

CAPTCHA

Ever heard of CAPTCHA? I'll bet you have! It stands for Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.

Did you know that when you use a CAPTCHA, which is where you do what you do on a web site and then have to type in those numbers and letters that are shown in a box before you press enter or submit, you might actually being used to solve a problem?

Apparently, some of the words/phrases used in CAPTCHA boxes have been causing problems arising from scanning texts: so, if you get it right, you might have solved a particularly difficult transcription problem for someone.

I got this from this month's Harvard Business Review which says that this wheeze is helping to transcribe the equivalent of 150,000 books a year, labour that would otherwise require 37,500 full time workers. Don't take that too literally as I think the operative word there is helping.

I think this is such a good idea.

DW

My new office

I am building my new office along with my neighbour Malcolm. We have been enjoying learning how to measure and saw and paint ... the biggest learning event for me was learning how to saw a piece of wood perfectly squarely. How did I do that after decades of misshapes?

The answer is that I learned to use a try square and a saw at the same time: hold the try square right up against the saw and take it carefully and as if by magic both horizontal and vertical sawing actions seem to behave themselves.

The office is really coming on now and I have already tested out the built in desk and so on. By the end of the weekend everything should be finished. I will reveal all here don't worry!

DW

Is that the Piece Prize?

Is it time to step off the planet now? The Nobel Peace Prize for Barack Obama? Are they joking? So far Obama has proven himself a decent sort of a chap but how on earth can he be said to have done enough to warrant such recognition?

Then again, at least they didn't give it to Kissinger again. Now there was a travesty if ever there was one. Actually, probably the biggest travesty in the whole of human history.

DW

Windows Live Writer is good!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again now that I have just received my replacement HP tablet pc and have just set up Windows Live Writer on it: Live Writer is very good, very impressive and I am writing this with it! I know, not that advanced but it set itself up and works with no bother.

DW

What a Surprise … good!

I was just pointed to a video on YouTube in which two drunken slobs from Swansea are seen fighting and making a nuisance of themselves in the town centre. We then see them walking through the town. For some reason they then turn back on themselves and decide that they need to pick on some men dressed as women who are standing in the street minding their own business.

We see one of the drunks trying to punch one of the trannies only to find that the trannie dodged the punch and instead of him lying prostrate, the drunk and his friend both end up prone.

What happened is that the two transvestites were both cage fighters on a night out! Needless to say, they despatched the drunks with ruthless efficiency and good for them.

The last thing we see is the police arriving, the drunks caught and the trannies turning up to tell the truth about what had happened.

There’s a lesson in life that these two numpties hadn’t learned: know your enemy!

DW

Hiccups ... pah!

I think this is a first.

I've got a memory of waking up during the night last night suffering from hiccups.

For the first time ever I stayed in bed, went back to sleep and stayed asleep.

How about that?

DW


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Billy the Beer

He used to lead the party and he was praised for the way in which he delivered his party conference speech without notes and without the need for hiding behind a microphone. Heseltine said, He is right at the top of his brief.

Well, how times change! Billy the Beer gave something akin to a speech this morning to the Tory Party conference and not only did he read it from his notes but he stood behind a microphone and was politely applauded for little more than 15 seconds or so when he had finished.

Why such a paucity? The answer is, the content: it was rubbish. He misled his party and made little sense, especially considering that in a year or so he might be our foreign secretary. What a frightening thought.

It can only get ... worse. The shadow chancellor speaks tomorrow!

I thought Boris Johnson's speech was enjoyable but focused in a micro political way on London matters.

I only watched those to fill in the time between a full plate of food and an empty plate!

DW

A Nap?

Just listening to my iPod when I fell asleep. I've got a nap for that! Original stuff from yours truly. DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Jet Setting Bores ... the aerobore

Anyone who knows me knows that I cannot abide those people who spend their lives talking about their latest flight, that stewardess whom they put in her place or their latest upgrade. These people are aerobores.

I have to admit from time to time the odd aeroplane or airport story can be entertaining. I am concerned, really concerned, with those people who think that after 5, 10 or even 30 or more minutes of retelling (they are CERTAIN to have told them many times already) tedious stories it is time for their piece de resistance ... their Humberside Airport Story.

Honestly, there has been such a Humberside Airport Story in my life and I am pleased to say I walked away from it. I could not afford to waste the time in listening to such rubbish.

This morning I was sitting in front of someone, a scale 8 aerobore, who was trying to impress and outdo the person he was sitting next to with his MOSCOW story. When I got to look at him: obese, not so smartly dressed ...

Then when we arrived at Manchester we were deposited on the apron and not at a stand. Of course, that usually means being carried to the terminal by bus. Now, for some reason there was a loud mouthed boorish oaf who felt he ought to vent bile on the lady who met us and was organising our carriage to the terminal. There were two buses there and when the first one was full, our organiser told our driver to close the doors and drive on. This oaf then said something like, well done madam, can't you see that when a bus is full, there is no room for anyone else ... erm, yes, she had already closed the door and was preparing the second bus.

This buffoon was then behind me in the passport control queue and he said, this is the worst airport I have ever been to. I wanted to say to him, well, if that's true, you haven't travelled very far have you? But that would have involved a negation of my own anti aerobore rule. Why did he say this, do you think? The reason is that there was a slightly longer queue than normal and that was because just before our plane arrived, a Qatar airways 777 had arrived ...

I should ban my own aerobore stories now shouldn't I really?

DW

A Prediction

I have made a few predictions this year, including one or two about Barack Obama, that have been proven prophetic. Well, here's another one.

There will be a Stephen Fry cook book on your coffee table and book shelf before too long.

Fry, that tall omnipresent, gay, comedic person, has recently lost around 6 stone in weight and as he is the darling of lahlahland, there is doubtless a queue of cook book publishers baying outside his door as I type this. This is a repeat of the situation in which Nigel Lawson (the formerly fat but still fumbling former Chancellor of the Exchequer and father of that inanely grinning cook Nigella Lawson) found himself.

Lawson was very fat, lost a lot of weight such that Rhinoceros wrote letters to him asking him for advice on beauty treatments for a Rhino!!! Then someone thought he might have something to contribute to the health and girth of the nation and he published a book on how to stop being so fat. Can't wait for the sequel, how to stop being such a fumbler.

Could be worse, could be a book by Nigel Slater on how to make yourself appear to be sincere.

DW

Talk about biased reporting

The news this morning on BBC World News included an item on the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. The bidding cities are girding their loins as bids have to be in very soon.

Then sent Roland Buerk (son of BBC reporter Michael) out to Tokyo to cover the event since Tokyo is bidding for the 2016 games. Buerk said this:

... only 56% of people living in Tokyo want the 2016 Olympics ...

Erm, ONLY 56% Mr Buerk? 56% is the majority of people who want the games to go to Tokyo.

DW

Is this an "Only in Britain"

So the Attorney General reported herself for a breach of the law. She admitted to employing an alien cleaner and was duly fined £5,000 for her pains.

The low life politicians then round on the woman and say she herself has to resign because she's no good now.

But then, here's the only in Britain part: the alleged illegal immigrant cleaner signs up with that Max Clifford, a PR wallah. Now,lo and behold the cleaner is not only not deported nem con but will probably end up considerably wealthier than all of us and a British resident/citizen.

Makes me want to emigrate again.

DW

Making the unmissable news unmissable

If you live in or have been to the UK recently you may have seen the advertisement on BBC television for the BBC iPlayer. The strap line for the iPlayer is that it makes the unmissable unmissable: missed something and you can often watch it at your whim an pleasure when you want via the iPlayer via the internet.

Well BBC World News has gone one better: if you have missed a news item, don't worry, it will be repeated every 15 minutes or even less. Even if you are a day or sometimes two days late, don't worry because the chances are it will still be running.

DW

More on Language

I have been noticing over the last week or two how people on radio and television are using these nonsense nouveau words in their every day speech:

• amazing
• passion
• about

It has got to the pitch where I am making a mental note of how early in the day it is when the first of these linguistic strangulations occurs.

Usually it is the mangling of the preposition about that gets in first: everything is about these days, not only the grossly offensive,

it's about rain, it's about clouds, it's about weather

but reporters and ordinary people use about when another preposition is far more appropriate.

Amazing is usually number two in the list and has normally been uttered by someone well before 7:30 am.

Passion is being very heavily used in the context of a competition and the one I tend to mention most is a cookery competition but I have seen trailers for those so called talent shows in which someone will regale us with their passion for their warbling talent. This week I watched a couple of the BBC's Masterchef: the professionals programme and not only have I been horrified at what supposedly professional chefs are happy to cook but every single one of them felt the need to tell us that they were passionate about food. I beg to differ and if I am wrong, they would not be such inept cooks.

However, yesterday, passion got in first, before amazing; and that was as late as 9:00 am. How about that?

By the way, if you are wont to say something is amazing, I urge you to take a look at the definition of the word. The fact that Anne Battenberg's daughter used the word amazing about 3 or 4 times in a sentence when she "won" the BBC Sports "Personality" of the year award the other year should not be taken as a signal that we can all do the same.

DW

Oops!

I sent my CV to someone last night and he just called me to ask whether I was a child prodigy since I seemed to have started my teaching career at the age of 12!

Oops! I'd inadvertently chopped 10 years of my age.

I've been using that CV for ages and no one else has mentioned that before. That happens with some of my teaching/training materials too ... as if anyone ever reads that!!!

DW

Camera Focus Tip

When you are trying to focus the lens of an SLR camera and it seems to be constantly out of focus, check that you are wearing your spectacles, if you normally wear them.

DW


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Burnley v Sunderland

Mixed feelings today as Burnley entertain Sunderland at Turf Moor in the Premier League.

Burnley by birth and Sunderland by adoption, having lived there for nine years and having been a regullar at Roker Park throughout that period.

Up the Clarets!

DW


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My Operation

When we talk about medicine and doctors and the NHS we all say how vitally important it is to maintain the confidentiality of the doctor patient relationship. However, you can travel on a bus or train, walk down the street and even sit in a cafe or restaurant and hear people discussing their most intimate details of their medical history.

Well, I'm not going to do that save to say I had an operation on Wednesday: keyhole surgery. The benefit of it being keyhole surgery is that I was operated on at around 8:30 am and was home by around 3:00 pm. Alternatively I would probably still be in hospital two/three days later and would need six weeks off work rather than being able to go back to work immediately.

I say immedidately but I got tired very quickly yesterday and today because of the lasting effects of the anaesthetic. The pain is minor, however. I am also fit enough to wander the streets a little.

Then again, I recovered a lot quicker than the much younger man in the bed next to me!

So now you know and here is a photo of the key holes they used to operate on me. If you are squeamish, turn away now!

DW

Excel 2007 with Excel Master

It's official: www.excelmaster.co.uk ... I can now reveal the address of my new web site. This is the web site for my up and coming book which will be called Excel 2007 with Excel Master.

The site is up and running but it is a work in progress at the time of writing. There are some good and useful things there already but there are going to be a lot more.

The book is more than half written now and it's going well.

Take a look at the web site: www.excelmaster.co.uk

Let me have your feedback and let me have your ideas: if there's something you want me to do, let me know and I'll do it if I can.

DW

Crisp Packets and a Glorious Walk

I put myself on a diet a while ago and lost 2 - 3 kilogrammes. I stepped on the scales last week to find I'd put that weight back on and a bit more. I was heart broken and a bit surprised. I eat loads of high fibre food, loads of fruit and veg and of course beans and peas.

I do eat other things so in the end I am concluding I am eating some rubbish things and not taking enough exercise.

I noticed in my kitchen bin last night there was an empty crisp packet and an empty Bassett's liquorice allsorts packet. What does that tell me?

I am going to be more strict and last night I went to the house of an old friend from school: we hadn't seen each other for over 30 years.

Steve and his wife Jan live in Mytholmroyd and I decided I'd walk to their place and I did. About 4 miles and it took me an hour and 20 minutes or so. It would have been a bit quicker but my map and the lack of a street sign let me down at one crucial point. Never mind, extra exercise.

I hope this will upload: a 1 minute 22 second video of part of my walk. It should make you want to come up here and take a closer look at the Yorkshire Dales even though I took the film with my phone and the lighting was a bit awkward.

DW

Congratulations England

England have just beaten Croatia 5: 1 at Wembley which means they have qualified for the World Cup Finals next July.

Well done lads!

England expects this day that every Englishman will do his duty ... Who said that?

DW


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Scotland the Brave

Sorry to see that Scotland lost to The Netherlands just now. A shame as it would have been good to see them in South Africa.

Hard luck lads!

DW


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The new Home Office

I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning up my second bedroom which is the room that I have just had remodelled. Now my home office takes up the space liberated by the two cupboards that used to be in between bedrooms one and two.

It needs decorating now, once the plaster has dried, but I needed to move in today because the sun is shining (I know, almost incredible) too brightly in the conservatory where I have been working for the last two weeks or so.

Well, I'm in and even though I added two more electric sockets and I haven't connected everything up yet, it's already mini spaghetti junction with one laptop, second monitor and printer connected.

I will post photos here once I've finished everything.

DW

Well done Scotland!

Scotland 2 v 0 Macedonia

This keeps Scotland's World Cup 2010 hopes alive.

Good to watch, second half especially.

The Netherlands next week lads!

DW
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This could be the last time

I am reviewing my online presence as I am now running three web sites. www.duncanwil.co.uk, my original web site; www.excelmaster.co.uk is NEW and I am putting a lot of effort into it; www.oxbow.org.uk is being allowed to die as it was a commercial venture that didn't work I'm afraid.

I also manage two blogs: this one and Duncan's Diacritical Discussion, my business blog.

I have been checking the world's response to this blog and it is woeful: I am gathering readership figures now but no one is linking to it and there are only two followers. If the readership is as low as I fear it might be, this blog will cease to be by the end of this month if not sooner!

In spite of that I do enjoy putting the blog together and will probably continue to do that privately if this one has to go.

My business blog will probably stay as I want to use a blog with excelmaster.co.uk. Alternatively, the business blog will go and a new one, based on Microsoft Excel, will replace it.

DW

BBC Proms: whatever happened laddie?

Last Friday night I thought I'd take a break from my usual habits and listen to the Proms on Radio 3. I tuned in, all excited like, only to find a talking programme in progress that went on ... and on ... and on ... I went back to my old habits.

Last night I tried again. There was chatting going on  but only for a few minutes. Then I settled down to listen to the Proms proper. Not my kind of music at all. Can't even remember what it was. I then went to YouTube and found Allegri's Miserere mei, Deus as I told you earlier.

Third time lucky? I went back and tuned in during some piano concerto. Not that good but tolerable. That finished and then what started after that I cannot begin to describe. It was one of those tunes that someone wrote while they were defiling a sheep or something. The kind of music that no one understands but thinks they are the only one who doesn't so they listen politely and talk loudly and effusively about it over the Champers.

In all honesty, I could have played that "tune" and I can play no notes of merit. I wondered how on earth the composer wrote such a thing down.

DW

Guestbook Gone

I installed a guestbook on my site a while ago and whilst it's not something I do seriously or ever really open, I left it there. Today, for some reason, I was driven to take a look at it and found that it had grown to almost 1Gigabyte in size.

So I downloaded it, opened it and found a third of a million messages in there. Every 3, 4 or 5 minutes it received a message for months. So, some clever dick found the guestbook and did whatever he (baseball cap wearer, ponytail sporting and spotty young man no doubt) wanted, over 300,000 times.

Well, it's gone now and won't be back.

The same happened when I started a Discussion Board on another site. It looked good and worked really well until the porno and spamming people persistently got into it.

I knew in the case of the discussion board that security was likely to be an issue but I decided to see if I could control it all with a weekly tweak or something. I couldn't. That's a shame too as I wanted to build up that site with people who wanted to engage with my and the team I as working with.

Fortunately I have lost nothing particularly tangible from my experiences and if ever I do want a serious guestbook and so on, I'll buy a secure service.

Bleeders!

DW

Stunning Ceramics

About 20 years ago I started to buy some limited edition plates from the Matfen Hall pottery in Northumberland: images of inspiration, Neus Design. I took a drive there one day only to find it was closed ... I couldn't go back and now there is a hotel there!

I have tried for years to track down any more of these plates or even anyone else with them. The plates were always limited to a run of 5,000 pieces and the lowest number I got was almost 600. So there are many of us about.

I followed a new lead this morning and have found someone else, in fact two other people, with these plates. However, I like the plates and really would like more of them. They are not massively expensive and from what I have found they have not held their value.

Here are the plates I own: if anyone knows anything, please let me know via a comment here or via my email address duncan_at_duncanwil_dot_co_dot_uk. The background to the plates is my dining table!!

DW

Gregorio Allegri's Miserere Mei Deus

Years ago I went to a performance of Rachmaninov's Vespers at King's College Chapel, Cambridge. It was utterly divine in every sense. I bought the CD too but really one needs speakers of the size and quality of the Chapel to appreciate the music.

I went to Salisbury Cathedral one Sunday afternoon about three years ago and entered to the kind of music that we think is reserved only for heaven. I went back a couple of weeks later but they were singing something different and it wasn't as good for me I'm afraid.

Well, yesterday I listened to Gregorio Allegri's Miserere Mei Deus on the radio and although I had heard it before, I have never shared my experience of it before. I am currently listening to a version of this work recorded at King's College Chapel and while the quality of the recording is not too good, it still transcends the ordinary. I love choral music anyway, as just a few people know; and this is among my favourites.

You can listen online to the version I am currently listening to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZL3POaATn8&NR=1

There is another version that I have just listened to, too, that sounds better but is shorter. This version has the score to read along to: if you're lucky enough to be able to sing along too then that's excellent for you! Here is that version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C4xmB1QWYk

Someone wrote a note that this is not music to listen if you're sad. I can see why they say that but I'm not sure I agree!

DW

The Navigation Sowerby Bridge

What have the following got in common?

• two Milky Way bars
• a Curly Wurly
• a Fudge bar
• a Sherbet Fountain
• a Swiffels Matlow Drumstick
• a Flumps
• The Navigation Pub in Sowerby Bridge

Give in?

The link is the Sweetie Pub Quiz they hold on Sunday evenings. Nominally starts at 9 pm and it's a shout out loud quiz where the first person to shout out the right answer to a question earns the right to dip into a bag and pull out one of the above sweets.

The list above is my personal haul from last night's quiz: I got the answers to the first two questions right and thought, better not answer too many more!!! Over the quiz I got seven questions right myself. The fundamental rule is no shouting out until a question has been asked in full. In that case the young girl with the sweetie bag gets to dip into it rather than anyone else. Well, I did that: what position did Pope John Paul II play in his football team in his younger days? I bellowed out far too early but got the answer right ... what position did he play, then?

There's also a separate play your cards right game and since no one won it last night, next week's cash prize will be £260. Buy a sheet of raffle tickets for £1 and that gives you five chances to get into the Play your Cards Right game. Gail from our team got the right to have a go but she drew a pair very quickly so we were disappointed! Shame!

I don't drink alcohol these days but the beer and cider and so on seemed to go down well so there you are.

When we arrived at the pub I asked Nev, brother in law, to buy me a strong lemonade. It was a joke and he understood but for some reason it absolutely threw the girl behind the bar and I ended up with a tiny bottle of bitter lemon!! We didn't make that mistake again!

A good night out with nine of us and a full pub: celebrating another brother in law's birthday: happy birthday Danny Butt.

DW

Modern Script Writing Jokes!

On Radio 4 this week there is a story at the end of Woman's Hour to do with the Holy Grail that seemed to be set in medieval Europe and in modern day England, as far as I could tell.

Yesterday there was a medieval character on there who was made to say the following:

Now you got money don't you.

I ask you!

DW

Noctua Pronuba

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think I have just found two Large Yellow Underwing moths in my conservatory. They were both dead and now that I have found them I realise they have been dead for a few weeks.

I don't use the conservatory very often and I had seen a blob on the carpet at the far end of the room. I thought the blob was a bit of fluff or dust.

I found the one behind the blinds first and then took a second look at the blob on the floor and found it was also a dead moth.

From Wikipedia:

The Large Yellow Underwing (Noctua pronuba) is a moth, the type species for the family Noctuidae. It is an abundant species throughout Europe, one of the most common and most familiar moths of the region. In some years the species is highly migratory with large numbers appearing suddenly in marginal parts of the range.

This is a quite large and heavy moth with a wingspan of 50-60 mm. The forewings are quite variable from light brown to almost black. The darker individuals often have a pale streak along the costa. The hindwings are bright orange yellow with a black sub terminal band. As with other Noctua species (and numerous other insects), this contrast of drab at rest and bright in flight is used to confuse potential predators. This species flies at night from July to September and is attracted to light, sometimes in huge numbers. It will also visit flowers such as Buddleia, ragwortand Red Valerian.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Yellow_Underwing

Here is my photo of one of under side of the two moths:

DW

Taking Spreadsheet Orders

I have mentioned a few times already that I am writing a book on Excel 2007 and have already uploaded and am working on a new web site to go with it.

I want the book and the site to be as relevant and user friendly as possible so I am asking people, anyone, if there are any spreadsheets they would like to have developed, free of charge. Please bear in mind I do not program with VBA I am afraid.

There are and will be loads of spreadsheets aimed at accountants and bookkeepers. In addition there are already a few spreadsheets for manpower planners as I have been working with a manpower planning expert to develop those. There are spreadsheets to deal with statistics and data analysis. I am waiting for some engineering commissions and will be preparing some spreadsheets that marketing people might use.

So, anything you think I might be able to help with. It could be something that needs finishing, something that needs updating from Excel 2003 to Excel 2007, something that you have got ideas for but that you don't know how to do.

This is a genuine and open offer and if I can do what you want and it fits within my objectives then I will do it.

Please write to me at duncan at duncanwil dot co dot uk ... address coded to keep the SPAM to a minimum.

DW

Don't know who to blame

Someone must be blamed but I don't know who!

I have been making excellent progress on my new Excel 2007 web site: soon to be unveiled. I have uploaded some video to the site and I have created a couple of pages, of many to come, with Spry tabs. Then I knew that the home page to www.duncanwil.co.uk needed a bit of tlc so I gave it some!

Then for some reason that I spent around two hours trying to fathom, the layout of the home page collapsed. I thought I'd repaired it at one stage but to no avail.

Anyway, I really have no idea what the problem was so I did the only thing I could do. I rebuilt the entire Spry tabbed section and now, tough wood, the home page is back to normal.

Praise be!

DW

A First Class Young Lady

Just heard from daughter Fran: she got her results and she's just been awarded a FIRST CLASS HONOURS degree.

How good is that?

Pleased as Punch and Proud as a Peacock

DW

From Catherine Slack to Brighouse

You wouldn't want to be my legs today!

For the first time in a long time I joined my sister, her husband and other family members on an 8 mile cross country walk on Saturday. Now, I have been going to the gym every other day and going on the treadmill for a couple of miles and then the bike for another 2 - 3 miles but it did not prepare me for that expedition.

We didn't rush at all, taking about four and a half hours in all and we stopped a couple of times but it took it out of me! I woke up on Sunday in creaky mode and walked a bit like John Wayne in Rooster Cogburn. Today I woke up even creakier and the muscles set solid when I sit down for any length of time but they do loosen up fairly readily when I start moving around.

In spite of that and in spite of my legs almost giving out at one stage as we scaled over 100 steps on a steep hillside I really enjoyed the walk, the countryside and the effort. I will happily go on the next trek.

Here are some photos to keep you going.

The view down the valley from near Catherine Slack:

A tunnel through the trees about half way round!

It's Shaun the sheep!

I love dry stone walls!

DW

Brilliant?

I have written about this before but was still surprised to come across the example, from a Radio 4 programme about lottery winners this morning:

Lottery Winning Caller: I feel physically sick
Lottery Rep: Brilliant

Now, why was that brilliant I wonder?

DW

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I were away ...

... When we did fractions and that.

I am standing next to a map of Halifax town centre next to the bus station in Halifax and on the map I can see

The town hall quarter
The George's quarter
The market quarter
The theatre quarter
The Piece Hall quarter

Erm, FIVE quarters?? There must be a good explanation.

DW

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The only man?

Why is it that every time the BBC mentions Abdelbaset Ali Mohammed Al Megrahi they call him THE ONLY MAN TO HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF ... ?

Do they ever say, for example, Jack Scroggins, one of 500,000 benefit fraudsters ...

Or even, Elizabeth Battengurg, the only crowned Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland ... currently reigning??

Clots!

DW Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The Wonders of Modern Technology

Here I am working away in my office at home and I can do my work on this laptop and at the same time I have plugged in a spare monitor and am keeping an eye on the final test match, England v Australia via skysports.com ... a must win game for England.

Marvellous!

DW

Burnley ONE Manchester United NOTHING

Burnley's first game at home in the Premier League and they have WON!

Fantastic!!

Come on you Clarets!!

DW

I Love Work ...

I could stand and watch it for hours. Name the author!

I am working away on my new book and across the road there are three people painting the fence of a house and digging up the front garden and moving some large paving stones around.

The people involved are

• a 30 ish woman, the owner of the house
• a slightly older woman, sister or friend?
• a young boy, 14 years old ish and possibly the son of the second woman

When they started their work, they all began by painting the fence and they made good progress.

The owner of the house then moved away and started to dig the garden, leaving the other two to continue painting the fence.

As the work got too heavy for the house owner, the second woman moved from painting to digging and moving the heavy paving stones.

That left the boy alone. He painted with some gusto as he leaned on the hand rail that goes from pavement level to garden level. Having lived with three teenage boys I predicted to myself that this boy will be in serious difficulty when he can no longer lean on that hand rail. And so it proved to be!

As the women are digging and sweating their way across the garden with spade and paving stones, the boy has been drinking orange, consulting with the women but now is sitting on the steps leading up to the garden and throwing  a hammer across the garden in an attempt to get it to stick in the soil as if it were a knife! Painting activity there is none!

The boy is uncontrolled and apparently shameless!

DW

I put it in, I did, I did!

On Saturday I got home to find a new viewing card for my Sky television set up. All I was supposed to do was to take out the old card and put in the new one. I looked at the box and could see a slot but there was no card in it and I couldn't see any other slot for any other card.

I put the card in the slot anyway and even though there was no message on the screen as there was supposed to be, nothing broke or stopped so I was happy.

Then last night, Monday, I started seeing a message on the screen telling me to put the card in the box! I said, I have ... This kept happening: maybe half a dozen times in 24 hours so I decided to do some research on the Sky web site.

I found what the message meant and what I should do about it: put your card in the box, it said. Well, I was flummoxed. I read through the instructions and then the extensive FAQ and could see nothing I had done wrong.

Then in the corner of the web site I noticed a photo of a Sky box like mine and lo and behold right next to the slot where I'd inserted my card I could see a flap behind which was another slot! I had known nothing about that slot before.

I scuttled over to my box and found the flap, took out the old card and inserted the new one. Instantly I was presented with the message I had been promised. I did what I had to do and now all is well with my television world.

So there you are and it's Celtic 0 v Arsenal 1 as I type this. C'mon Celtic!

DW

Some Photos What I Have Took

Here are a few photos I have taken over the last few days. They come from my phone camera so may not be up to my mega camera standard!

First photo is an oddity: the warning of death by suffocation is to be found on a safe in an hotel room in Geneva. The size of the safe is far too small for me to get my head in and moreover it is around five feet off the ground so a child hell bent on suffocation would have to be extremely determined!

The next photo subject caught my eye outside Bradford Forster Square railway station, West Yorkshire. I liked this one:

Again from Bradford, this is a sand sculpture of Charles Darwin. My guess is that it is around 10 - 12 feet tall. Very impressive and the photo that follows explains the purpose of the sculpture.

Bit of fun there then and well done Bradford for livening up our lives a bit.

DW

How did that get there?

I think I need a cleaner when I know the reality is that I only want one. Well, judge for yourself as you read this story.

The fridge in my house is small and around five years old. It was a cheapy, cheapy fridge for young Master W's room in Halls. When we all went our separate ways and he no longer needed the fridge, I took the fridge.

This fridge absorbs water from the atmosphere like a sponge and it gets deposited and frozen in the tiny freezer compartment at a rapid rate. Consequently, because I am not fully sorted out domestically (I am really but I don't want to be), I have been squeezing the few frozen things I buy into a smaller and smaller aperture. When I got back from my trip on Saturday I resolved to defreeze the thing and start again.

It has taken until today for me to be able to get round to mopping up the water and cleaning the fridge. However, in the freezer compartment I found some vegetables that I simply cannot remember ever putting there. More seriously, there was half a block of LARD in there. How on earth did that get there? Lard? I never buy lard cos I'm a veggie. Do I? Did I?

Anyway, I know I need to defrost the fridge much more often as I think that was the first time in two years.

Hands up if you think I need a cleaner!

DW

Forgive the Aeroplane Story

On the flight from Zurich to Manchester today I was happily minding my own business when an elderly well spoken woman got on and started talking about her seat and that of her husband, also an elderly person. She announced that he couldn't sit in the seat assigned to him, a window seat, because he needs to have the arm rest lifted ...

One of their seats was the seat next to me and the other was the seat next to the man in front of me. Good egg the man in front of me, he selflessly moved to another seat, the one in front of him and not the one next to me.

The old man slithered his way into the seat in front of me and all was well with the world.

Then one of the stewardesses came out from behind their curtain and said to the good egg man that he couldn't sit in the seat he was now in because it was a business class seat. He said he had given up his seat for the gentleman behind him. The stewardess insisted that it was a business class seat and he couldn't sit there. The man stood up, announced he'd never heard anything more ridiculous and came to sit next to me. He then had a strop on for an hour or so!

The old woman said to her husband, "These people don't seem to want to be very helpful do they." I think in their case, they were helped sufficiently well. Why they accepted a window seat for the old man is something I would have questioned.

The next time I looked at the old man he was taking a mighty swig from his duty free gin bottle.

End of story, such as it is.

DW

Lausanne here we come!

Your ace reporter is currently ensconced in the first class compartment of the 1327 train from Geneva Airport to Lausanne. On time and so far, we have just arrived at Nyon, a very smooth ride.

The journey is scheduled to take 48 minuted and, perhaps not surprisingly, the railway line hugs the coast of Lake Geneva. There are alpine heights to be seen across the lake and into the distance.

On Wednesday from Geneva city I could see a snow covered mountian but today's mountains are bare.

On this showing, Switzerland is a very neat and tidy place. Even the maize plants, sunflowers and fruit trees are very tidily arranged in their fields.

More later.

DW


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What's Wrong with me?

How about this? Young Master W trolled off to Kazakhstan for a few weeks and as I got involved in booking his ticket and saving him wads of cash, I got him to use my KLM frequent flyer card details. He did!

As he checked in to come home they said, good evening Mr Williamson I see you've got a frequent flyer card with us.

Dima replied, it's not mine it's my dad's ...

They said, no matter, we're upgrading you to Business Class anyway.

WHAT?

What about me? Never happens to me!!! Even with my Gold Emirates card I've NEVER been upgraded on long haul.

Well done that lad but for goodness' sake!

DW


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Lock it Jobs!

Found this accidentally.

If I put my BlackBerry on top of my iPod, the BB immediately closes the desktop and locks the keyboard.

Not sure if anything bad happens but so far so good.

DW
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Mushrooms that Taste like ...

Last night, here in the airport district of Geneva I took a walk and ended up in a Pasta and Pizza place. I ordered and ate a mushroom pizza.

Guess what the mushrooms tasted of?

Yes, mushrooms!

Unlike most of the mushrooms I buy in the UK, these mushrooms really tasted like they should. Mushroomy!!

How about that?

DW


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InContext Editing

Although it's serious overkill in some ways, I use Dreamweaver CS4 to edit my web site. This week I came across and started to use what they call InContext Editing and it's marvellous. I can make a tiny amendment to any page that I choose and I can then edit that page online in real time without the need to fire up Dreamweaver, open the file, make the changes, upload the file ... so far I am just tinkering with it, but first impressions are positive.

DW

Microsoft to the Rescue and The Power of Two Monitors

Microsoft Saves the Day

Strange but true but for a reason I have yet to fathom, my OCR software has stopped working and it seems impossible to reinstall it. So, I NEEDED an OCR solution. The knight in shining armour was the Microsoft Document Scanning and Imaging software. Now, it's not the best but after a couple of trial pages I have to say that it was a breeze to use and has then allowed me to scan in and edit 16 pages of text without too much stress.

Two Monitor Solution

I told you the other week that I have been using a two monitor configuration at home and that is continuing apace. The biggest triumph so far is that I am sat here in my office working away and watching the Ashes cricket at the same time. Not a wall to wall size image but plenty big enough since it is only about two feet from my eyes.

DW

Is it Obligatory?

Do the contestants on Master Chef on the BBC really think that by repeating that they are passionate makes them automatic selections for the big prize?

Rank amateurs being given the impression they can become a master chef as a result of a competition is another one of television's nonsense ideas.

DW


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Dreamweaver and Adobe Magic

I am easily pleased! I have just edited my first page using Adobe/Dreamweaver's InContext Editing utility. Very smart and ideal for me. I am really aiming at a CMS based site but have had no luck with a PHP based version so with this I have taken one more step on the road.

My new website, the site for my new Excel 2007 book, will be up and running soon and that WILL be CMS style: put together by yours truly using Dreamweaver and the SiteAssist extension.

DW

The Lady MacDonald: what a pleasure

I have just watched a cookery programme hosted by Claire MacDonald of MacDonald: the Lady MacDonald. What a pleasure! A cook who is confident and who knows what she is doing. Although she mainly cooked non vegetarian food, it wasn't difficult to appreciate the quality of the food she was preparing.

One other feature that caught my attention was her language: excellent! A good grasp of grammar and vocabulary. Never once did she say, "Look at that" as she dragged something ghastly from a pan or the oven: she left that to the likes of James Martin and Ainsley Harriet.

She used the word amalgamate, for example and, unlike Gary Rhodes, never even hinted that some creme fraiche was "happening" in the mousse.

Well done the Lady MacDonald! A pleasure to watch.

DW

Have they come?

I had a stir fry of sorts from the Flaming Wok in the food court near to the hotel and whilst the food was tolerable, I can hardly report that the wok was flaming.

I wanted the veg combo but was told that they didn't have one of the ingredients so I had to make do with a cabbage dish and an aubergine dish together with the pretty good noodles.

Now, I have never been a fan of aubergines except inside an excellent mousaka and I have to say that I was prepared to give the stuff a go. It was ghastly! My problem with cooked aubergines is that they are slimey. Slithery and slimey. No thanks. Sorry to say they went in the bin.

As I was eating my food I sat opposite another fast food outlet and saw, to my surprise and delight, a food that I have only previously seen on sale in Kuala Lumpur outside of the UK. Now, I know these food items can be bought elsewhere but I haven't been there yet! What could it be that we love in the UK, they clearly love in Kuala Lumpur and that they can buy (not sure they love them to the same extent, you see) here in Dubai?

There is a clue in the title of this post!! It's a bit cryptic but if you can crack the code I will buy you one of these if ever we meet!

DW

Hobby Horse again!

They've just been advertising Shark Month on National Geographic and I thought, hmm, that could be good.

Then they showed a silly young woman in a diving suit under water who said, "It's amazing!"

Think I'll give it a miss now, then. Otherwise I'd spend the month on some kind of "amazing" count.

Just my foible, don't worry.

DW

Foggy Skies in Dubai and Coordinated Fish

Murky Skies

It's been a bit murky here in Dubai over the last few days. In spite of the forecast for today it still is. There is a lot of dust in the atmosphere apparently so whilst it is hot outside, it appears to be overcast and a bit murky.

Coordinated fish

This is one reason why I could never be an interior designer. I went to a restaurant yesterday and not only were walls, furnishing and floorings all really attractively coordinated but so were the fish in the aquarium. Now, I would probably never have thought of that!

Brunch? Not in Yorkshire!

I just realised something the other day. Brunch is an acceptable word now, of course, but it really doesn't fit in Yorkshire.

Since Yorkshire folk have breakfast, dinner and tea, we combine breakfast and dinner into BRINNER.

You heard it here first!

By the way, did you see that dolt on one of those BBC cookery programmes who said that brunch shouldn't be too heavy or it will ruin your lunch! Where do they get these people?

DW

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Night Time's a Good Time Apparently

Corwin's Quest on Animal Planet

That TV wildlife type just said night time is the perfect time to see some of Australia's nocturnal creatures.

Really? How amazing.

DW

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Wrong Day for Someone and an Upgrade

The Wrong Day

I joined the check in queue at Manchester Airport as there was a man already checking in. Based on my history of queuing experiences I was not overly worried at the time he was taking. But he had his laptop on the counter and switched on. He had his mobile phone glued to his ear.

After a while he left with all of his bags. Apparently he isn't due to travel until tomorrow! Now, let me be unkind and ask was he too keen to escape something OR very keen to reach somewhere? Just asking!

Upgrade

When I got to the gate I became the cause of a hold up. I wasn't worried but the KLM lady scurried around quite a bit for quite a while. When she came back she told me I had been upgraded to Business Class.

I am NOT ungrateful because I got a sandwich rather than a packet of TUC biscuits. However, I am now praying for an upgrade on the next leg: considerably longer than the 50 minute flight to Amsterdam!! Praise be!

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Swine Flu and BBC News

On the six o'clock news this evening the health correspondent said that the new government flu pandemic web site had opened this afternoon with hits of 2,600 per second. The reporter said that was AT THE RATE OF around 9 million an hour.

In the 8 o'clock news summary on BBC 1 they said there had been 9 million hits on the flu website in the first hour.

Where is the editorial control at the BBC I wonder?

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

My Spreadsheet Book

A few people are asking me about the progress of my latest book: working title is Spreadsheeting with Mr Sprite.

Good news: I have completed around 7 or 8 chapters now and have carried out my research and preparations for a few more. The book is aimed at Excel 2007 and is a comprehensive introduction to it. More than that, it includes a number of practical examples that people can use as templates for real life work. I am collaborating on part of the book with a manpower planning specialist (the world's number one, no less) and he is giving me material and ideas for what to include in that section.

I am aware that Microsoft is within a year or so of releasing Excel 2010 so I am keen to ensure I get in well ahead of that deadline!

Here is the current contents page ... subject to change. If YOU would like me to include something that you cannot see here, please write to me and I will consider all suggestions. duncan at duncanwil dot co dot uk ... please interpret that! I get enough spam in my inbox so don't want to encourage any more.

Contents

Part One: Introductory

1 Basics

• Introduction
• Pencil and Paper
• Basic Functionality
• The Ribbon
• Screen Resolution
• Minimise the Ribbon
• The Quick Access Toolbar: the QAT
• Basic Rules
• Add Subtract Multiply Divide
• More Complex Calculations
• Try it!
• Built in Functions: SUM ... AVERAGE ... MIN ... MAX
• Auto Fill
• Auto Fill Menu
• Formatting Cells
• Moving Around your Workbook
• Changing Column and Row Sizes
• Moving a Column or Row
• Formatting Text
• Cell Border
• Try it!
• Consolidation Exercise
• Selecting non Contiguous Ranges
• Why Select Non contiguous Ranges?
• Print Areas
• Transposing Data
• Cell and Range Addressing
• Range Names

2 Charting

• Introduction
• The Rules of Charting
• Setting up a Chart the Easy Way: the F11 key
• Default Chart Change
• Creating a Template Char
• Embedding a Chart with the Chart Wizard
• Embedding by Moving
• Titles and Axes Labels
• Copy Charts: make clones an move them
• Other Charts
• Category Axis Contains Labels from Three Columns
• Conditional Colours
• Waterfall Chart
• Create a Stacked Column Chart
• Finished Waterfall Chart
• Alternatives
• Percentage Waterfall Chart
• Radar Chart
• Self Expanding Chart
• Excel 2007 Solution 1
• Excel 2007 Solution 2a
• Excel 2007 Solution 2b
• Selecting Data from a Combo Box
• Spreadsheet Allowing the User to Highlight Alternative Scenarios
• Table and Chart Selection Including a Combobox
• Charts with Scroll Bars
• Basic Chart and Rates of Change Chart
• Ten year financial review of a company
• Double Vertical Axes
• Additional Charting Exercises
• Text to Columns
• Deriving Values from Published Charts
• Dashboards
• More Advanced Chart

3 Introduction to Pivot Tables

• Introduction
• Definition of a Pivot Table
• Why you need a Pivot Table
• Example PTs
• Copying a Pivot Table
• A Copy of a PT is a Clone of a PT
• Copying your PT
• Changing Sum of to Average of to Count of ...
• Moving a Field from Row to Column
• Drag and Move Within the PT
• Drag and move the chosen field within the Task Pane
• Filtering a Field
• Sorting a Pivot Table
• Formatting Fields
• Calculated Fields
• Drilling Down
• Calculated Item
• Other Calculated Item Features
• Adjusting the Formula
• More Complex Formulas
• Forecasting with a Calculated Item
• Values
• Show Values As
• Grouping PT Data
• Starting or Setting up a PT
• The Grouping Process
• When Grouping is a Problem
• Pivot Chart
• Formatting a Pivot Chart
• A Pivot Chart with a Data Table
• Formatting
• Page Fields
• Multiple Page Fields
• Reporting with Page Fields
• Pivot Table from an External Source
• Part Two: Data Analysis

4 Pivot Tables 2

• Expense account analysis
• Double entry bookkeeping
• Trial balance
• Final accounts/reports

5 Ratio and Other Company Analysis

• Ratio analysis of company information ranging from the simple to the complex
• Common size statements
• Growth ratios in ratio analysis
• Z Score analysis
• Using the ToolPak Add-In that comes with Excel
• Descriptive statistics
• Histograms
• Correlation analysis
• Ordinary least squares (regression) analysis
• There is a database of company data to accompany this chapter and the detail of the chapter will refer to that database throughout.

6 Statistical Analysis

• This chapter enhances the work started in chapter 5 above and includes
• t statistic
• Standard Error
• P Value
• F statistics
• Confidence intervals
• Multiple regression analysis
• The relevant range
• Chi square test
• Non parametric tests
• The Box and Whisker Plot
• More Useful functions for analysis
• INDIRECT
• INDEX
• OFFSET
• MATCH

Part Three: Decision Making

7 Behaviour of Costs

• Splitting costs into their fixed and variable elements
• MINVERSE
• MMULT
• Non linear costs
• The linear treatment of costs: true and fair?

8 Cost Volume Profit Analysis

• Building on the work of chapter 1 of this part of the book, we will now explore the practical application of the behaviour of costs under the heading of cost volume profit or break even analysis

9 Marginal Costing and Decision Making

• Continuing with the theme of the behaviour of costs and the application of it to management accounting situations, in this chapter we explore how a knowledge of marginal costs can be used in decision making.

10 Traditional and Activity based costing

• Traditional overhead analysis: absorption costing
• Allocation
• Apportionment
• Re apportionment
• Overhead absorption rates
• Absorption costing
• Activity Based Costing

11 Budgeting

• This chapter concentrates on the preparation of budgets and budgeting reports that include:
• Functional budgets
• Cash budgets
• Master budget
• Budget reports
• Balanced scorecard reporting
• Activity based budgeting

12 Capital Budgeting

• Payback
• Accounting Rate of Return
• Net Present Value
• Profitability Index
• Internal Rate of Return
• Divisibility of Projects

13 Excel Techniques for Analysis and Decision Making

• Goal Seek
• Scenario Manager
• SOLVER

I'm nervous about leaving it at 13 chapters and will probably expand that to accommodate the manpower planning spreadsheet models.

DW

If I Have a Little Weakness and I Have a Little Weakness it's a Passion for a ...

Where does the quotation in the title come from and can you finish it?

Yesterday I began to prepare for my next trip by going to the supermarket and buying some odds and ends. One thing I bought, for some inexplicable reason that had lodged itself in my head a week or so ago, was a packet of Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts (see photo!).

After tea (that's dinner for those of you with ideas above your station ;-)) I ate a few of the Allsorts. Then a few more. Then some more. So I pushed the bowl they were in to the opposite side of the coffee table.

I resisted the rest of the Allsorts until around half an hour before I went to bed. Then I scoffed the lot.

Well, I haven't had any for quite a while and I won't have any more for another while I suppose. So, a little of what I fancied has probably done me good.

DW

Biodegradable

I was discussing with son Andrew over the weekend how I might knock my kitchen about a bit and create a bit of extra space for myself together with adding a breakfast bar or similar.

As I looked deep inside the cupboard under the stairs where the work could take place I found a carrier bag on a hook behind the door that I had not noticed before in spite of having lived here for two years now. I decided I didn't need that bag to be there so took hold of it and most of the bag fell away from the part I was then holding on to. Odd, I thought!

I bent down to pick up the rest of the bag and that started to fall apart too. After one more attempt, it resembled a flower that has been smashed on the floor after having been dipped in liquid Nitrogen.

Hmm! So biodegradable bags really do degrade then. Moreover, it's best to let them fall apart in the soil I think as it's a bit of a struggle to pick up the bits even with a dust pan and brush.

Fascinating science!

DW

Dual Monitors

A while ago I attached my currently redundant Asus VW202SR monitor to my laptop hoping to use two screens/monitors in tandem. The laptop found the other monitor and let me add it to extend my Desktop.

Hooray!

Boo!

It just sat there: I expected it to give me perfect functionality ... but it just sat there so I unplugged it and harumphed. Gatesed again!

I decided to try again and the same thing happened. I thought, this can't be right: I have seen loads of people using two and more screens at one time. So I did a a bit of research and now I am typing this on my laptop screen and reading an article from the McKinsey Quarterly site on "How finance departments are changing ... "

Marvellous! Did Gates get something right or am I dreaming?

DW

Irony?

I thought the following was amusing.

I got an email from amazon.co.uk: the usual marketing stuff. Here are three of the books that it said I ought to buy today:

1 Balanced Scorecard: step by step for Government and Not for profit Organisations

2 The Little Book that Builds Wealth: the knock out formula for finding great investments

and now for the punch line

3 Fooling Some of the People All of the Time: a long short story

Made me laugh anyway.

DW