Fungus is here

These just grew in the garden!

DW

Fascinating Story

Read this story if you can. Very interesting in every way!

The Iraqi who saved Norway from oil - http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/99680a04-92a0-11de-b63b-00144feabdc0.html

Champion Burnley FC

Well done Burnley FC,  promoted to the Premier League for next season. A 23 game unbeaten game run in too.

Let's hear it for the team and for the manager Sean Dyche.

Of course, Burnley has never been a fashionable team so the response of the media to their achievement has been grossly understated.

How to Erect a Pillar Perfectly

They have erected the support pillars for our new venture and they are perfectly vertical.  To get them vertical they used two pieces of string, a plumb line and two bits of wood to adjust them if necessary.

Fantastic skills.

DO

The Start of a new Project

Here is the ceremony to celebrate the start of a new building and a new venture.  The ceremony went well and I hope the project does too.

DW

And She's Off!

Daughter Abi will be 10 months old tomorrow and already she is standing for a short time without holding on. She's also taking steps or trying to.

Good progress

DW

Business Intelligence

Are you interested in using BI? Do you already use it?

Did you know that BI is free to create?

I will be adding some BI resources here this week ... but there are already some here! Take a look at Power Query and Power Pivot for a start.

Back soon and if there's something you want me to write about, let me know.

Duncan Williamson

SUMDIVIDE ... sort of

A delegate asked me today if there was such a function as SUMDIVIDE. There isn't of course, but I found a way to simulate it.

What would SUMDIVIDE do? SUMDIVIDE would have array 1 divided by array 2 and the results then added together: in the same way that SUMPRODUCT multiplies and then adds.

This is how it works: imagine A1:A5 contains array 1 and B1:B5 contains array 2 then the SUMPRODUCT function to divide them will be =SUMPRODUCT(A1:A5,1/B1:B5). Simple, eh? Who'd have thought it would be so simple.

Duncan Williamson

When the TV Doesn't Work

I flew from Bangkok to Dubai last night and even though I have lost my gold status with them, I chose to fly with Emirates. As long as I can I suppose I would always choose to fly with Emirates. I can't use their lounges across the world now and I don't get welcomed onto the plane with a special greeting any more. When something goes wrong on an Emirates flight, I take it personally: I always have and I don't know why. With some service providers, if something goes wrong, I think how typical it is or that I am glad I don't use THEM all of the time. Yesterday, I settled into my seat, said hello to the couple next to me as their 13 month old daughter made herself known to everyone! I started to see what ICE had to offer. I made a few mental notes of what I might watch. Then it turned from ICE to ICE Lite ... the service you get on ICE on a rickety old crate flying to somewhere not so glamorous. Half a dozen films, almost no music, four or five TV programmes and virtually no radio programmes. That is a far cry from the thousands of normal choices. Instead of the ICE home screen I had ICE Lite with Alvin and the Chipmunks as my home screen. I looked around and it seemed to be just my TV that had gone wrong. I asked one of the cabin crew to help me to sort it out. She seemed to understand the problem, took a note of my seat number and went away. The TV stayed with Alvin. I had some things to watch on my iPad so I watched them. Then I saw another cabin crew member and asked him for his help: 2.5 hours to go to Dubai. He looked at the screen and made a call for them to do a full reset of my screen. 10 minutes, he said, is what it would take. I waited 10 minutes as I was wondering if I had time to watch my film of choice. 10 minutes came and went and the screen went black as the handset stayed ICE Lite. I decided to do some work, reading my papers for the coming week then I watched something on my phone this time and with 90 minutes to go I saw on the handset that ICE had come back. I thought at least I could listen to some of my favourite UK Number One Hits. So I opened the screen and started browsing. I found the first of the songs I wanted. Click! Waiting ... waiting ... waiting ... I chose a different song. Click! Waiting ... waiting ... waiting. I left that idea and tried to start a film and as I found the new James Bond, Spectre, Alvin and the Chipmunks came back with their ICE Lite. As far as I could tell this was only my problem. That's why I take these things personally: only me me me! So, a relatively long flight without the possibility of entertainment of any kind is a very old concept isn't it? On other airlines I have been given a DVD player to offset the loss of the TV. In this case, one cabin crew member did something and the other one MIGHT not have: what neither of them did was follow up on my problem. They both left me and didn't return. So, I felt let down by my number one choice of airline. DW

Are you Following me?

Time is just flying by and although I've got so many things to share time is against me.

In addition to this blog you might want to follow me on LinkedIn too ... I don't accept everyone there but if you tell me you subscribe to this blog I guarantee acceptance.

I am working in Dubai this week: presenting a three day course on Financial Modelling and Business Intelligence. Then a two day course on Budgeting and Cost Control.

With my courses you get a tool box of functions and techniques. You also get one to one time with me as I solve your problems ... financial modelling etc! You take away all of my notes and PowerPoint slides as well as all of my fully worked Excel files.

I use real world data in my models and demonstrations. You get full explanations from me. I am also honest: if you ask me something I will give you the right answer, even if it means I have to do further research or ask a friend!

Find out where I am working and what I am doing and who knows, you might even join me one day. Invite me to speak where you are and maybe we can get together that way.

Duncan Williamson

Let me try 23 Mbps!

See my previous story about my wifi connection.

We found out by accident that the router in the sales office of our new wifi provider pumps out 20+ Mbps speeds. I thought, I'd like to see what that's like.

I set my phone to download a 330 Mb video and stood outside the wifi provider's showroom. Nothing. It didn't start!! I waited a while then checked the speed ... very slow at about 1 Mbps.  I thought: ah! It hasn't connected properly yet. I went away for a while and then returned. The same.

Anyway, having checked download speeds again I concluded that the office had not turned on their cable router! So I was using their ordinary system from outside this building.

End of my experiment!

DW

Monopoly Broken

I have been suffering for 18 months or so from a monopolist wifi supplier. Variable connections. Breaks in connections for as long as two weeks. 18 breaks in service in a January alone. February started with the first 6 days dead.

I searched in vain for an alternative all of this time and became most frustrated and angry when I realised that these people were managing my business and private life. I need a decent connection for work and for my relaxation, entertainment and so on.

A friend told us about a router they had bought in Switzerland ... good solution but very expensive to buy. It sowed a seed, though.

Then a chance conversation sent us to a local provider of service who offered 4G pocket routers.  Really? We looked at their brochure and asked questions. While 4G doesn't reach to our village, it will soon.

I thought about it for a while: it would cost us the same as our current provider per month and the pocket router came free!

I said, I want to take the risk: there's a chance that this will be better ... we did it. We came away with the router and some hope.

We got it home and it works. At times we can get speeds of 5 to 6 Mbps. As importantly, after 5 days, service has been unbroken and because it is a pocket router, we can take it with us wherever we go.

I stopped paying for the old service immediately. They are no more.

Since I have been sending the old providers an sms whenever there has been a significant break of service, I said: they will realise something is different when they realise I have stopped texting them!! After all, we didn't tell them we were leaving since they never told us that their service had stopped. I felt no loyalty to them.

After 5 days they asked how things were going and we told them we no longer needed them. They said oh!

Incidentally I used to send tweets to the head office of our old provider: they never replied.

Another case of monopoly madness.

Reward or Retard?

I wrote a long and solidly constructed piece for this post then I lost it, in the spirit of this weekend.

Bottom line: I did a job that should have brought me £0.50 per unit. I have been paid £0.04 per unit. It's a matter of control over channels in the same way that I have no control over the awful broadband connection I suffer from here.

So, shit happens as they say :)

DW

Flat Fish or Flat Cat

The cat you see is scraping some fish off the road for breakfast.

The cat got a whole fish from the rubbish bin and took it there to eat: middle of the road in a car park.

A car came along and as the cat was reluctant to move, the driver very carefully inched the car forward. He didn't see the cat moving out of the way so he reversed the car until he saw the cat again.  The cat had moved out of the way but now it came back.

The driver then drove to the right then the left as he tried to ensure he didn't kill or injure the cat. He was successful: the cat survived!

What the driver did do was to drive over the fish that the cat left on the road. Hence flat fish but not flat cat!

DW

Flat Bread

For some reason I decided I wanted to make some flat bread.  Today I did it!

I didn't have yoghurt so I used milk instead. Otherwise, so simple and they turned out pretty well. I turned one of them into a pizza!!

Look:

Cramp, wifi and a water pump

I was woken this morning by cramps in my left calf. Horrific. Extremely painful. It wouldn't stop. Eventually I was able to move to get out of bed but I cannot remember such a bad attack.

Our wifi is currently broken ... for the EIGHTH time this month. Not bad since it's only 13th January.

Our water pump stopped working this morning too: ants had been crawling through it and shorted it out. It's ok now thankfully.

DW

The Books Are Available Now

My latest two books are now available for sale: Finance for the Non Financial Manager Buy Here Finance for the Non Financial Manager Exercise Book With Solutions Buy Here These two books are crammed with information, techniques, exercises, Excel help and guidance and having read them, you will have learned a huge amount and you will be able to do a huge amount. DW

Biff!

Daughter Abi is 7 months old now and can crawl and stand using furniture. Hooray!

As everyone was getting ready this morning I checked on Abi in the living room: she was standing,  holding on to the settee. She was alone and I thought, she'll be fine. And she was.

After a few minutes I went back in the room to see she had crawled quite a way across the room.

I left her and she started calling so I shouted back for her to follow me. She did. As I waited, I saw her appear in the doorway ... then suddenly ... boof!  Her hand stuck to the floor and as she motioned forward that caused her head to go down instead of along.

She got a temporary fat lip and dented pride.

Otherwise,  all is well!!!

DW

My Kitchen Rules Australia 2014

I would never have heard about this programme if I hadn't taken out a trial for a film/TV etc streaming web site. However, I have heard about it now and I watched about a third of the episodes of the 2014 series and enjoyed them. It's a typical cookery programme in which people talk really big about their cooking skills and then when it comes down to it, they often serve rubbish. I don't say that in a superior way because I do the same at home and have never put myself in the position that these men and women have. Good luck to them that they tried. I liked most of the contestants most of the time: the stars were the Greek twins I think although they didn't win. The couple I came to despise did make it to the final but the good news is they didn't win: Chloe and Kelly, two awful, vindictive, spiteful women who talked big about everything but mostly themselves. They rubbished everybody else and everything else. How they got to the final is a mystery although I have to say in the final they did alright. What really got to me was Kelly's massively artificial, forced smile. In the end, every time she was on the screen I covered her face, I just couldn't bear to see it any more. Well done to Bree May and Jessica Liebich who did win it and they won it in style: with an excellent menu, excellent coordination and excellent technical skills. Good to see. I liked this programme but it is such a big commitment that I am not sure I would watch so many episodes again. I understand they are producing MKR in the UK now or soon and I am sure they will find some of the worst people on the planet to compete in it. Just like they did with Storage Hunters (the UK equivalent of the US programme of a similar name). The people they found for that were squirmingly and stereotypically naff beyond all telling. You can now see what kind of things are on offer on expat TV, can't you. Stuff I would never normally watch in a million years. I have now found much better fare to settle down to, however! DW

New Book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager

I have submitted my manuscript to my publisher now for my latest book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager. This will be book available online at www.bookboon.com and I will post the direct URL once I know what it is: shouldn't be too long. The business model for www.bookboon.com is that some books are free of charge and others have to be paid for: I have no idea which is which as I type this but it will be obvious once it's uploaded. In any case, the books are not expensive. There are special offers too which means that sometimes a premu, paid for book, is suddenly free of charge for a while ... worth watching out for. Remember, my 3 volume set Excel solutions for Accountants has already been on sale at www.bookboon.com since the end of June 2015 and not only is it selling well but the reviews are fantastic! My page on ww.bookboon.com is here: Duncan Williamson Author Happy reading: there are many exercises and Excel files in the package too ... it really is good value! DW