American Food

I worked with Mrs W over the last few days to write an introductory piee on American Food: here it is! The USA is the richest country in the world and it has the biggest, most expensive and often the best of everything. There are about 300 million people living in the USA and apart from Native American Indans, they have come from all parts of the world. As these people arrived from Europe, Africa, Asia, South America and elsewhere, they brought their ideas, cultures and cuisines with them. We know about Little Italy and Chinatown in New York, there is the Latin Quarter in New Orleans. All over the country, the food comes from here, there and everywhere. • Jerky • Dutch Baby Pancake • Jersey Breakfast • Shrimp and Grits • Hoppel Poppel • Scrapple • Tex Mex And a lot more A lot of these imported dishes are good quality, nutritious dishes that everyone can eat but there is downside to food from the USA: fast food. Since the 1940s the USA has been the leader in creating food and restaurants that cater to speed and greed. People who either cannot cook or who cannot be bothered to cook. Food portions that can be carried away in buckets, not just on plates. Beefburgers made to be the size of a man’s head. Deep fried food. Food with lots of fat and sugar and carbohydrates. Burgers, fried chicken and pizzas. At least two generations of Americans have been brought up on fast food and the result is that more than half of all Americans are not just overweight, not just fat but they are obese … very fat. No surprise when a single meal at MacDonald’s can contain 1,600 calories and many grammes of fat as well. As countries develop and get richer, the more its people get fatter: it’s time to stop and think. We admire the development in the USA but we do not need its fast food and its obesity. DW 26th August 2017

Leek and Potato Soup

Last night I made the best leek and potato soup I have ever made and the secret is the potato! Serves Two Ingredients small onion, sliced one medium sized leek, washed and sliced small potato, washed and chopped ... peeling is optional, I did not peel it half a vegetable stock cube or add real stock or water ... about 15 fluid ounces/400 millilitres dessertspoon of vegetable oil Method Heat the oil in a pan ...medium heat ... and add the onions ... sweat them for a minute Add the leek ... sweat them for a minute Add the potato and continue to sweat all of the veg for another two minutes Add the stock cube and stir it in Now add the liquid/stock Bring to the boil Simmer until the potatoes are soft ... maximum 10 minutes should be enough At this point, take the soup off the heat, pour it into a blender and blend it thoroughly If it is too thick for you, simply add more water or stock It is ready now. Add any adornments you like such as a sprig of parsley or coriander leaves ... as you wish The potato secret? Don't add too much otherwise it dominates the taste DW

The Cost of Light!

Flick a switch and the light comes on. Have you ever thought about the cost of light throughout history? I found a table of the cost of lighting per million lumen hours in the UK in British Pounds for the period 1301 to 2006. In 1301 The estimated cost of lighting for one million lumen hours was £33,042.9 whereas in 2006, the cost was ƒ2.89 per one million lumen hours. Oddly, the cost in 1301 had rocketed to £40,820.58. Take a look for yourself at this page from DER SPIEGEL/Statista, where you can read: "One hour of light (referred to as the quantity of light shed by a 100 watt bulb in one hour) cost 3,200 times as much in 1800 in England as it does today, amounting to 130 Euros back then (or a little more than 150 dollars). In 1900, it still cost 4 euros (close to 5 dollars). In the year 2000, we arrived at a cost of 4 euro cents (5 US cents)." The following chart shows how much work we have to do to be able to switch the lights on: one second now, 400 hours in 1750 BC! You will find more statistics at Statista Fascinating stuff! DW

Air Malawi: welcome back

I last flew on an Air Malawi aeroplane in the middle of 1993 as I finished a five year posting to the University of Malawi in Blantyre. They had bought two new planes shortly before I left the country but I flew on neither of them. I flew on the BAC111 and the turbo prop plane that used to frighten me to death as it bounced around the skies! Today I will fly from Lusaka in Zambia to Dar es Salaam in Tanzania via Lilongwe in Malawi on Malawian Airlines. I am looking forward to seeing how Malawi Airlines has changed things in the last 23 years and I can see from the web that they fly some smart planes now. My plane today will be the Dash 8 Q400, for both legs of the journey ... Dash 8 Q400 And here, a Boeing 737-700: Boeing 737-700 I have seen a Boeing 747 in Air Malawi livery but I don't see that plane on their web site now where they say they have just the two planes you see above. See you there and muli bwanji in advance! DW

Welcome to this Blog: Excel with ExcelMaster

 

Visitors to this Blog come from all over the world and all are equally welcome. I abhor what has happened to George Floyd and I stand in solidarity behind the movement for greater peace and equality

27th October 2020: Logit regression is the order of the day today. If you are using 0 and 1 style dummy variables in a regression model then you need to read my page on this subject and then experiment with the four examples in my Excel file, also downloadable.

5th October 2020: As is often the way with this blog, there are no posts for a while and then three posts come along in three days. This time, I am sharing my PowerPoint Slide Deck that shows how to get Excel materials into a PowerPoint Presentation. There are probably a few more ways than you thought possible.

4th October 2020: I have significantly updated my page on Gantt Charts. This makes the page easier to read and it demonstrates the use of Microsoft 365 and not a much older version of Excel. There is an Excel file to download with the page, too.

3rd October 2020: Covid-19 has brought out the idea of exponential growth and yet the term is being abused. I have created a page called Exponential that illustrates some of the Covid-19 data and contrasted that with an Exponential modelling template. There is a video to go with this page and an Excel file. 

22nd August 2020: Dates in Excel can be a right royal PITA, can't they. Here is a sorry tale with a happy ending. Dates downloaded that were formatted either as General or Date ... both formats in the same column. Read here how to solve such a problem.

31st July 2020: Today I did something really interesting with Data Tables/Dynamic Array Functions. I was answering  question about compound interest and then decided to answer it by using a Data Table and then I used the new SEQUENCE() function, a dynamic Array Function, too. That gave me three different ways of answering the question. 

I tried an experiment and bulk copied some of my work from Quora ... bad idea as they all copied over as pages and had no title ... not helpful.

16th June 2020: There is no page on this blog for this, just follow this link for a fantastic Excel resource. There are links that are good for Excel and links that point out weaknesses and dangers of Excel. As far as I know, all links are free of charge and be ready, some of the links are dead now.

5th June 2020: as promised, I have uploaded some specimen materials to my course outline page for my online courses. See the link in the 30th May entry ... my slides and my working Excel file. More to follow soon.

30th May 2020: I have been busy over the past month running online classes for a client and they have gone very well. The course was an Introduction to Financial Modelling and was a comprehensive guide to many of the tools available in Excel as well as reviews of modelling best practice and many other insights along the way. Here is my course outline and invitation to attend my other offerings online. I will be sharing some of my course materials here over the next few week and that will help you to make your decision to attend or miss out!

27th April 2020: the RANDARRY() is a huge leap forward for random number generation in Excel. I have created an extensive review of how to use the function here.

26th April 2020: The GESTEP function ... you use it every day, right? Me neither. I had never heard of it until an hour ago, so I created an example to show what it is and how it can work. Go to my page here.

22nd March 2020: Along with many other Excel bloggers, I am spending a lot of time on making Excel the go to software to gather, store and communicate the covid-19 data. I have done something that no one else is doing, again. I am demonstrating how to turn text into tables, pivot tables and pivot charts. You will hardly believe it's possible but you can see what I did and then download my Excel file and do it yourself. This will take you time to learn and set up but it takes just a minute a day to update. Here is my page on Data From Text

17th March 2020: If you are Irish, have as happy a St Paddy's Day as you can! Otherwise, two pages on the Append function in Power Query. Brilliant pages for everyone with page two being relatively advanced.

16th March 2020: Three new pages for you: How MIRR really works, Z Charts and COVID-19 and Long mathematical equations in Excel

7th March: This is a treat for anyone who is using Power Query and needs some relatively advanced insights into using them to create Pivot Tables and Pivot Charts, when using Connection Only Queries. There is neither video nor Excel file but the page is so good and has such good graphics that the keen reader will not mind that they are not here! Go to this page ... Pivot Table for a Connection Only Query?

6th March: [Data.Format.Error]We couldn't convert to number ... If you ever receive this error message when creating a Query in Excel or Power BI, you might find there is not enough help on the internet to help you ... until now! Read this page for the solution.

5th March 2020: this is a moderately interesting problem you might come across. See the page entitled Percentages Disappeared from Power Query to see what can happen when Excel chooses the wrong Data Type for you. It also shows you how to correct that mistake. 

3rd March 2020: this is epic! Sorting a Pivot Table by TWO columns. It cannot be done ... until you find Helgi and www.stackoverflow.com and she helps you to achieve the impossible. Read on!

7th February 2020: Here is a fascinating article: fascinating for two reasons. Reason one is that I have used some of the latest new Excel functions, RANDARRAY() AND XLOOKUP(). Reason two is that I caught someone out in a porky pie by means of programming a spradsheet. Go and have a look at Infinite Monkey or Porky Pie. You will also learn about the infinite monkey theorem while you are there!

23rd January 2020: I have previously written three pages on Sparklines and here is a fourth: it's fascinating and so easy to do. However, if Sparklines are new to you, do note the links to the other three pages at the bottom of the page of this latest post. Have fun with Sparklines! Sparklines with the Camera Tool.

16th January 2020: I started this blog in 2011 and since then, this is where you all come from ... a map showing where my blog is viewed from and I have highlighted the top ten countries. Looks like I cover the world!

This is where YOU are!

15th January 2020: You know that I am a regular contributor to www.quora.com. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to open and use what they call a Space: it's essentially a blog inside Quora. You will see that I put things there that could easily go here. So, do yourself a favour by following this link and signing up with me there as well as here ... meaning you will miss nothing!

5th January 2020: Happy new year to everyone, first of all! Here is something you might not have seen yet. If you take a look at the Review Ribbon in your version of Excel you might see something new: in the Proofing section on the left of the ribbon there is something called Workbook Statistics ... click on it and see what it tells you about the file you are currently in. Is it useful? Will you use it? Who will use it? Also today, I have added a new page, on the very important topic of Accessibility in Excel: that page is here

12th December 2019: A video ... a video and a file to download. How to use a checklist to solve the problem of dirty data. It's a smaller problem than I have dealt with before, so we did not need to use Power Query. Still, solving these problems is a skills that we all need. The file is here where the video and Excel file are waiting for you!

6th December 2019: Today's contribution to this blog is a page I have written on the XOR function. This is something of an odd function since I don't think I have seen it in action. Never mind that, it is not difficult to use and understand and there are clearly many uses for it. As a bonus, I have included the ISODD() and ISEVEN() functions in this article and, hot on the heels of yeseterday's post on IF, IFS and CHOOSE, this is a totally topical page! You can find the page here and there is an Excel file to download, too.

5th December 2019: If you have ever wondered about the use of Nested IF, IFS and CHOOSE, look no further because I just created a page for you. Two of the examples are easy and the third example is much more of a challenge. Go here to see the page https://excelmaster.co/nested-if-ifs-and-choose/

5th November 2019 For the benefit of all Brits ... have a happy and safe Bonfire Night. Secondly, look out for my NEW page, Quora Questions. Just scroll down from here and you will see the heading, just click it to open and read what I am doing. Simple concept with some very useful ideas.

26th September 2019: I have created this page to show how I went from an image on a web page, via OCR software, to a relatively sophiticated Excel file creation that uses Data Types ... Stocks, Excel Tables, Pivot Tables, Conditional Formatting and more.

13th September 2019: a fantastic page on corporate bonds and their analysis. How to program a table using dates, the IF(), AND(), MONTH(), YEAR() functions and arithmetical calculations. If you find difficulty using dates, consider this page.

11th September 2019: a friendly introduction to the setting up and use of a Training/Testing Model in Excel. It is an introduction but it is a good one. The page does not, however, carry out any detailed analysis of the validity of the model you will read about. The data are real and you can replicate what I have done very easily. The page is here.

22nd August 2019: As you all know, this site is free of charge and always will be. Every now and again, I announce something like the publication of one of my books. Sometimes my books are not free of charge because they are professionally published. Whilst that is true of my latest book, it IS free of charge, at least for a while. The title of the book is EXCEL POWER QUERY, AN INTRODUCTION: BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE PART I.Click on the title to go to the site where you can download it free of charge.

1st August 2019: I have already created two pages (Flash Fill, Flash Fill and Quick Analysis) on Flash Fill, both for Excel and for Power Query and here is another one. In this case, I am introducing even more ideas on how Flash Fill (FF) can be used very effectively. Firstly, by using FF to extract, combine, extract and combine; and secondly, I watched a video of a highly respectable Excel practitioner who tried to sell us the idea that there are times when FF is just not good enough and neither is Power Query: in that case, he said, use a formula ... he demonstrated a relatively complex formula. The formula worked but I am showing here that that presenter is wrong and that FF will do exactly what we want without programming anything.

14th July 2019: A different approach but the same quality. I have just posted my latest two videos to YouTube. Video 1 is about Flash Fill and Quick Analysis in Excel. Video 2 is about Flash Fill in Power Query and Quick Analysis in Excel. The aim is to illustrate how it is possible, even with dirty data, to create a basic dashboard within 10 minutes! Video 1 ... Video 2

19th June 2019: BOOKS ... Since I was last here, I have completed writing two books on Excel and I will announce publication details here when I have them. The first book is the fourth in my Excel Solutions for Accountants series and the second book is the first in the series on Power Query, Power Pivot, Power BI. These books are the only things I talk about here that are not free of charge.

CASES ... in addition to books, I create case studies and for courses I am running at the moment, I am sharing four such cases with you, in a PDF file. There are two cases on financial analysis, one case on budgeting for buying and running a private jet and a case on exchange rates. Look at the page to see the outline of each case and what you need to know about Excel to work through them.

5th May 2019: If you are serious about learning VLOOKUP in the Power Query and Power Pivot environments, look no further. I have created two videos, one of PQ and one for PP to help you. Just go to this page and take a look at my detailed explanations.

20th March 2019: One file, two videos. This page outlines what I did after downloading some World Health Organisation data on DTP3 vaccinations (Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis), covering the period 1980 to 2017. From a health point of view, what you see here is fantastic. From an Excel point of view, what you see is intermediate level but there are enough features illustrated to make it well worth your while to take a look at it! The page is here

6th March 2019: This page ends with an Excel file but it is really a discussion of how I created some Power BI files that I then used to create the Excel files by copying M Language code from one to another. What I describe here is magical and I have used the departures and arrivals information for both of Bangkok's two international airports as the basis of my work. The page you want is here and there are two bare bones Excel files to download ... Word Press will not allow me to share Power BI files, I am sorry to say.

15th February 2019: Let's watch a video! I have created a video showing you how to use Data Types Stocks to pull in share prices, Beta values, market capitalisations of potentially thousands of different companies from around the world. There is a video to watch and a spreadsheet to download. The page is here: Data Types ... Stocks

7th February 2019: I know you have read my pages on Sparklines and therefore you know how clever they can be and how you can format the cells they are in, you can add text/formulas to the cell they are in. Well, now, you are about to learn to use Conditional Formatting Icons in them. As far as I know, you can find this technique nowhere else on the web! Here is the link to the page Sparklines with ICONS

9th January 2019: This is a fabulous page ... not because I am so brilliant but because I have just learned how to combine array constants with a VLOOKUP function. It has been around for years but it just filtered down to me. You can thank me later! Here is the page you need: https://excelmaster.co/vlookup-with-array-constants/

8th January 2019: Happy New Year Everyone. Secondly, the purpose of this update is to share with you my solution to creating a histogram for any one of àbout 90 possible line items in a ratio analysis worksheet. The data relate to Netflix and comprise a ten year view of the ratios that come from the morningstar.com web site. The file also includes my Positive Skewness Test that I have recently started to program and use. There is a file to download too and if you find it useful, please tell me how you are using it. the file is here: https://excelmaster.co/one-histogram-90-choices/

If you'd like my help and guidance on something, just ask and I'll do what I can.

Duncan Williamson

Introduction for Absolute Beginners: Introduction to Excel for Absolute Beginners
Excel Files for Practice:
The basics of spreadsheeting 1
The basics of spreadsheeting 2
The basics of spreadsheeting 3
The basics of spreadsheeting 4

Tether, End of

A month or so ago I started feeling grotty and very quickly realised I probably had a fever. I saw a doctor immediately and he treated me.

The next two days were as expected but day three, when I normally expect to start feeling better, was the worst. Lethargy, fever, generally grotty. The following days were better.

However,  things have not really improved and yesterday I lost some hearing in my left ear. Today I got some more medicines since the ear infection follows on from my bronchitis and sore throat.

It really has been a bad month and a bad start to the year.

DW

Michaela Finnegan

This is the tale of Michaela Finnegan who grew whiskers on her chin ne gan. Who would ever have thought that I would be writing yet another doggy obituary? After all, Stewart died after a car accident and all other dogs are either dead or just too lazy to get into any bother ... that's you Pongo and Slutty! Well, I was wrong. Here is a photo of the tiny Thai Ridgeback that Siri found for us as a replacement for Pongo: Pongo the lonely. So lonely she sent him back to be bone idle with Slutty. After a couple of weeks I noticed that the Ridgeback has some rather nitty whiskers on its chin so I started singing ... There was an old man Called Michael Finnegan He grew whiskers On his chin-ne-gan The wind came up and blew them in again Poor old Michael Finnegan, Begin Again He was meant to be an outside dog but she tried her hardest to get into the house at every possible opportunity. I stopped it. It made no difference,i t still tried. I was determined. It got in from time to time as if I weren't there! Then we all left home for a while: I came away to work and Siri took a trip to Bangkok to meet me as I was passing through. Finnegan went to stay for a while at the Lazy P idle dogs home. Things didn't work out: after a few days they found Finnegan with blood coming out of its ears and generally being in a bad way. They think one of the neighbouring dogs snapped at Finnegan and cracked its skull: chances are, that mutt was stealing Slutty and Pongo's food and Finnegan decided to join in. SNAP! Slutty and Pongo are both cowards and stealing their food is a breeze. Finnegan was far too young to sense any danger from anything so that was the end of that. Three months old maybe and now in a downward spiral that would leave her dead fairly quickly. I had plans for that dog to be an outdoor and family dog. Abi played with Finnegan and Finnegan teased Abi by biting her feet with its needle like teeth. We played together, I threw it out of the house. We fed it. It slept outside. the poor thing never even had the chance to wear a tee shirt or scarf in the middle of a Thai Winter. Sorry you had to go Finnegan but thanks for the entertainment while you were here! DW

Low Fares? Define Low

I don't like AA ... that's an airline! They try to convince us that everyone can fly now because they are so cheap.

Well, because their competitors do not fly to KL on Sunday from Bangkok I had to choose them. Kerching! Low fare? Not at all! I could actually pay less with the other airlines AND have a meal AND not scratch around worrying about the weight of my luggage AND choose any seat that's available: from previous experience,  they will give me a window seat, the worst possible option for me.

Then, due to misinformation from another carrier I found I had to change my flying time. SORRY,  it's less than 48 hours to take off so you can't change that flight. So, horror of horrors, I had to buy a new ticket. Low fare? Free meal? Guaranteed baggage allowance? No, no, no. I consider this second ticket outrageously expensive and feel sad that I have had to break my vow of refusing to fly with this airline. Until recently, I had not flown with them for 2 or 3 years. I hope this is my last trip with them for a very long time.

Appalling Behaviour on a Newspaper Forum

I have discussed many topics on newspaper forums over the years: The Independent had one then closed it; I subscribed to The Times for a few years and that was a good experience; now I am with The Guardian, new starter. I have paid membership dues to the Guardian because I feel I should but they say many people use their services but don’t pay. No judgement there, that’s how the Guardian manages things. I engaged in my first full blown discussion on the Guardian site last week when I told the assembled horde that Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth visuals and other parts of his message were wrong or inappropriate. I said that and I believe that: my argument is that his graphs were far too nice to warrant critical review and many of his other ramblings have been challenged: I said that knowing it to be true: youtube contains many videos in which Gore is caught out. Immediately, I was attacked rather forcefully and I have to say that I did call Gore a liar. I defended myself and as the debate wore on, I was called all sorts of names and accused of all sorts of calumny. Then someone said I was a climate change denier. They made that up because I didn’t even infer that let alone say it. Well, that was it: John Samuel claimed to be a weather expert of some kind and he really stuck to that line and in spite of proving no such words came out, he called me a liar many times. Good for him. I even came here to this blog and reminded myself of what I had said about Gore when I had seen his film. I told Samuel that I had blogged about Gore in 2007 and again in 2010 … three references altogether. Since he was being so unfriendy, I suggested he search for my blog to prove for himself the truth of my assertions. He couldn’t find it! Smart as he claimed to be, in spite of clues as to a particular phrase to put into google, it was beyond him. He found an Excel blog and pretended that was the blog I meant. I said no, so he called me a liar again. I then mentioned having read and reviewed State of Fear by Michael Crichton which I said contained many interesting ideas. Samuel replied to tell me how bad the book was and that no one liked or respected it. Climate change denier that I am. You’re getting the picture now: John Samuel who does not know the difference between you’re and your, tells the world that they should not read a book because he does not like it. The reality is that Crichton might have got some of the science wrong but he questioned things and I think that was a very healthy thing to do. As Samuel tried only assassinate my character, others joined in and of course, several of them pointed out their master’s degrees, how they have been peer reviewers for academic journals and what do I know? All the while, these people have assumed that Samuel has identified the truth: he said the same thing so often that the others believed he must be telling the truth. I have seen this before and it is impossible to challenge because everything is subject to gainsay. Samuel was obviously frustrated that I wouldn’t just give him the link to my blog posts so I was branded a liar again but I felt he’s so smart he can ruddy well find it. Moreover, he would clearly have merely said something innappropriate about what I had said so I let it ride. I am sharing this post with him now and even he will then find that I really did make those posts about Gore all of those years ago and that I am not a liar! As that discussion wound down Samuel revealed another two traits: he labelled many people as liars if he didn’t like what they said; and he was obsessed with having the last word. I played the last word game and he played along exactly true to type. If John Samuel is really a scientist I just wonder if his work is ever peer reviewed as he cannot take criticism. He must be very difficult to work with when someone like me turns up and refuses to bow down to him. A very immature bully in my opinion. I decided to write this post since it is a controlled way of sifting out that man’s own lies and exaggerations and at the same time sharing with others just how he behaves in debate. Samuel and others are free to comment here and I will post everything that's not just outright offensive! I made mistakes in my discussions and admitted them: I am not too proud to do that but I will not allow some tiny minded little man to bully me or anyone else into kow towing to him. DW

Put the Bloody Phone Down or it Will Kill you

On our way to replace the driving licence I lost and as we were crossing the road a woman on a motorbike came round the corner and was driving right at me and Abi. The stupid woman was reading something on her phone as she rounded the corner and had not seen us.

I was ready to fend her off but she looked up, saw us and avoided us. I said to her, Watch where you're going and put your phone down!

How stupid and how dangerous that woman is.

Multi worksheet scenario model

Tuesday 25th October

This is on its way ... as promised ... I will upload it later today or early tomorrow.

Duncan Williamson

The Charge of the Light Brigade

As I was travelling across country by bus today I thought about Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem The Charge of the Light Brigade. I went and found it, read it and then created a voice file of a professional actor reading it out loud. The professional actor is me! Unfortunately I can't upload the voice file here ... I will find a way. The Charge of the Light Brigade Half a league half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred: 'Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns' he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 'Forward, the Light Brigade!' Was there a man dismay'd ? Not tho' the soldier knew Some one had blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do & die, Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel'd from the sabre-stroke, Shatter'd and sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death, Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wonder'd. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred

Can I automate the functions found in the 'analysis ToolPak' in Microsoft Excel?

Someone asked this question in Quora and here is my answer which I think many of you will find useful:

If you use Excel on a Mac the chances are that you are not running Excel 2016 for the Mac and that your Mac does not have the ToolPak at all … I know, older versions have it and I know you can get alternatives!

In that case, I often demonstrate to Mac users how to create and automate the functions in the ToolPak: correlation matrix, regression analysis, moving averages, descriptive statistics … the others as well!

Descriptive statistics, for example, could be, for data in column A:

=AVERAGE(A:A)

=STDEV(A:A)

=KURT(A:A) …

=SKEW(A:A)

and so on.

Other answers have mentioned statistics software packages and that’s fine except they might not be free! Yes, if you are a student, your college or university is likely to have statistics software free for you to use.

How about R and R Studio, however? Open source, free, with massive amounts of support? Of course, it takes time to learn R but here is the code for some descriptive statistics using the psych package in R:

describe(order_sales_profit$Sales)

That’s it! This is what I get from my current data set, sales values: not exactly the same as the ToolPak but my point is, it is very easy to replicate. Look at the screenshot of the output from R.



By the way, as a novice or beginner level user of Excel, there is a lot to learn from manually automating what’s in the ToolPak. Moreover, if you take my next learning point, use this opportunity to set up templates for you to analyse your data sets: that means, you automate the ToolPak elements once and that is it!

Finally, many elements of the ToolPak return non volatile results which means that if you change your data, you have to run the ToolPak again. If you automate it yourself, the formulas you create will all be volatile: change the data, change the answers!

Duncan Williamson

I like such photographs

I hope you can see this photo.

DW

Top Tips: rules you really should follow

19th August 2016

I have just completed another very successful Financial Modelling course and as you know, at the end of such courses, I come here and offer something new: a new topic, a new file or some advice. In this case, it is advice: things that you really need to think about when you create and work on any Excel file.

• Tab/Sheet Names


• Links


• Dead Cells 125,433 rows created but only 831 needed/active ... files that balloon to many Mb for no real reason

Ever seen a tab name like this: FBU or OPT? I bet you have: short and sweet and probably mnemonic so easy to read and remember. How about L_P_Obasange_receivables_dont_forget_to PRINT_it_out? You think I am joking? I am serious! Just imagine you are working on your file with the large tab name and you want to link to a cell on that tab from another one: this is what will appear in your formula, by way of an example ... =IFERROR(AND(A15=45,D26="Jack",L_P_Obasange_receivables_dont_forget_to PRINT_it_out!BA154 ...

I am sure you see the point now. Keep tab names short and simple! More than that, if you do feel the need to use tabs to give instructions, colour code them to pass such messages: there are many colours to choose from so do that. Have a table of contents too. Give everyone a chance for a simple life!

Links

If you share a file with someone, make sure any links in your file are either live or delete them. If you receive a file with links that you cannot use or update, you know how frustrating it is. Think of the user before you send linked files.

Dead Cells

It is the easiest thing in the world to create a worksheet and as you work and improve what you are doing, to delete cells and ranges. We all do that. We create new ranges too, don't we! Check your work now and again though and if these happen, take a break and check your file:

• it takes 30 seconds 45 seconds or even longer for the file to open


• what seems like a small file in terms of content and complexity has ballooned in size to 20 or 30 or more Mb


• saving the file takes an age too

If these things happen, go to a worksheet and press Ctrl+End and see where that takes you. You work only in the range A1: CD831 but Ctrl+End has taken you to CG125433 ... what? How did that happen?

Even if there are not as many as an additional 1.8 million cells but just 500,000, look in those cells for formulas  that are trying to find something from somewhere that is not there ... in some of these extra cells for example. Delete all of these extra cells. I did that this week: an extra 1.8 million cells in TWO separate worksheets complete with formulas. File size down from 28 Mb to 0.8 Mb, opening time just seconds, recalculation time hardy noticeable.

They were just some of things to report on from this week. Otherwise, this group of delegates really enjoyed the work and their end of course presentations were interesting and showed that significant learning had taken place!

Duncan Williamson

 

This Week's Delegates

Here they are, the chosen few from my course in Ghana this week.

Good delegates, successful course: financial modelling.

DO

Accra Ghana Spark Page

Just take a look at this very simple Spark Page I have just created.

<a class="asp-embed-link" href="https://spark.adobe.com/page/rdgNxpzgPBQ5R/"><img src="https://spark.adobe.com/page/rdgNxpzgPBQ5R/embed.jpg?buster=0" alt="Accra Ghana" style="width:100%" border="0" />Duncan's Accra Spark Page</a>

I hope you like it.

DW

Boeing 787 ... 3 out of 10

I don't normally talk about aeroplanes and flying but sometimes ... You have probably heard of the Boeing 787 Dreamliner and how marvellous it is. I have just flown on it for the umpteenth time and again I come away wracked! The seats are bone hard and the economy cabin is cramped: they cram us in. For anyone in the first row in any cabin in economy, they have put the TV remote at hip level within the seat AND it's non removable. That means you need to be a contortionist to use it and if you are even slightly on the large side you will not be able to see it let alone use it. I firmly believe that this aeroplane was designed and built by people who never fly in it or never fly economy in it. In my opinion, it's an insult although I know the airlines love it because it runs cheaply compared to other planes. Well, here you are Boeing: 3 out of 10. DW

In the Current Climate

As I was about to get to the passport control desk at DXB, a man in the queue behind me pointed out to one of the staff that there was an unattended bag in the middle of the floor. There was!

The staff member suggested that someone had probably left the bag there as he went round and round the queue system to save having to carry it.

The man responded with. I realise that but no one should leave their bag like that in the current climate.

The man was absolutely right but I loved his use of the phrase, in the current climate!

DW

Fungus is here

These just grew in the garden!

DW

Fascinating Story

Read this story if you can. Very interesting in every way!

The Iraqi who saved Norway from oil - http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/99680a04-92a0-11de-b63b-00144feabdc0.html

Champion Burnley FC

Well done Burnley FC,  promoted to the Premier League for next season. A 23 game unbeaten game run in too.

Let's hear it for the team and for the manager Sean Dyche.

Of course, Burnley has never been a fashionable team so the response of the media to their achievement has been grossly understated.

How to Erect a Pillar Perfectly

They have erected the support pillars for our new venture and they are perfectly vertical.  To get them vertical they used two pieces of string, a plumb line and two bits of wood to adjust them if necessary.

Fantastic skills.

DO

The Start of a new Project

Here is the ceremony to celebrate the start of a new building and a new venture.  The ceremony went well and I hope the project does too.

DW

And She's Off!

Daughter Abi will be 10 months old tomorrow and already she is standing for a short time without holding on. She's also taking steps or trying to.

Good progress

DW

Business Intelligence

Are you interested in using BI? Do you already use it?

Did you know that BI is free to create?

I will be adding some BI resources here this week ... but there are already some here! Take a look at Power Query and Power Pivot for a start.

Back soon and if there's something you want me to write about, let me know.

Duncan Williamson

SUMDIVIDE ... sort of

A delegate asked me today if there was such a function as SUMDIVIDE. There isn't of course, but I found a way to simulate it.

What would SUMDIVIDE do? SUMDIVIDE would have array 1 divided by array 2 and the results then added together: in the same way that SUMPRODUCT multiplies and then adds.

This is how it works: imagine A1:A5 contains array 1 and B1:B5 contains array 2 then the SUMPRODUCT function to divide them will be =SUMPRODUCT(A1:A5,1/B1:B5). Simple, eh? Who'd have thought it would be so simple.

Duncan Williamson

When the TV Doesn't Work

I flew from Bangkok to Dubai last night and even though I have lost my gold status with them, I chose to fly with Emirates. As long as I can I suppose I would always choose to fly with Emirates. I can't use their lounges across the world now and I don't get welcomed onto the plane with a special greeting any more. When something goes wrong on an Emirates flight, I take it personally: I always have and I don't know why. With some service providers, if something goes wrong, I think how typical it is or that I am glad I don't use THEM all of the time. Yesterday, I settled into my seat, said hello to the couple next to me as their 13 month old daughter made herself known to everyone! I started to see what ICE had to offer. I made a few mental notes of what I might watch. Then it turned from ICE to ICE Lite ... the service you get on ICE on a rickety old crate flying to somewhere not so glamorous. Half a dozen films, almost no music, four or five TV programmes and virtually no radio programmes. That is a far cry from the thousands of normal choices. Instead of the ICE home screen I had ICE Lite with Alvin and the Chipmunks as my home screen. I looked around and it seemed to be just my TV that had gone wrong. I asked one of the cabin crew to help me to sort it out. She seemed to understand the problem, took a note of my seat number and went away. The TV stayed with Alvin. I had some things to watch on my iPad so I watched them. Then I saw another cabin crew member and asked him for his help: 2.5 hours to go to Dubai. He looked at the screen and made a call for them to do a full reset of my screen. 10 minutes, he said, is what it would take. I waited 10 minutes as I was wondering if I had time to watch my film of choice. 10 minutes came and went and the screen went black as the handset stayed ICE Lite. I decided to do some work, reading my papers for the coming week then I watched something on my phone this time and with 90 minutes to go I saw on the handset that ICE had come back. I thought at least I could listen to some of my favourite UK Number One Hits. So I opened the screen and started browsing. I found the first of the songs I wanted. Click! Waiting ... waiting ... waiting ... I chose a different song. Click! Waiting ... waiting ... waiting. I left that idea and tried to start a film and as I found the new James Bond, Spectre, Alvin and the Chipmunks came back with their ICE Lite. As far as I could tell this was only my problem. That's why I take these things personally: only me me me! So, a relatively long flight without the possibility of entertainment of any kind is a very old concept isn't it? On other airlines I have been given a DVD player to offset the loss of the TV. In this case, one cabin crew member did something and the other one MIGHT not have: what neither of them did was follow up on my problem. They both left me and didn't return. So, I felt let down by my number one choice of airline. DW

Are you Following me?

Time is just flying by and although I've got so many things to share time is against me.

In addition to this blog you might want to follow me on LinkedIn too ... I don't accept everyone there but if you tell me you subscribe to this blog I guarantee acceptance.

I am working in Dubai this week: presenting a three day course on Financial Modelling and Business Intelligence. Then a two day course on Budgeting and Cost Control.

With my courses you get a tool box of functions and techniques. You also get one to one time with me as I solve your problems ... financial modelling etc! You take away all of my notes and PowerPoint slides as well as all of my fully worked Excel files.

I use real world data in my models and demonstrations. You get full explanations from me. I am also honest: if you ask me something I will give you the right answer, even if it means I have to do further research or ask a friend!

Find out where I am working and what I am doing and who knows, you might even join me one day. Invite me to speak where you are and maybe we can get together that way.

Duncan Williamson

Let me try 23 Mbps!

See my previous story about my wifi connection.

We found out by accident that the router in the sales office of our new wifi provider pumps out 20+ Mbps speeds. I thought, I'd like to see what that's like.

I set my phone to download a 330 Mb video and stood outside the wifi provider's showroom. Nothing. It didn't start!! I waited a while then checked the speed ... very slow at about 1 Mbps.  I thought: ah! It hasn't connected properly yet. I went away for a while and then returned. The same.

Anyway, having checked download speeds again I concluded that the office had not turned on their cable router! So I was using their ordinary system from outside this building.

End of my experiment!

DW

Monopoly Broken

I have been suffering for 18 months or so from a monopolist wifi supplier. Variable connections. Breaks in connections for as long as two weeks. 18 breaks in service in a January alone. February started with the first 6 days dead.

I searched in vain for an alternative all of this time and became most frustrated and angry when I realised that these people were managing my business and private life. I need a decent connection for work and for my relaxation, entertainment and so on.

A friend told us about a router they had bought in Switzerland ... good solution but very expensive to buy. It sowed a seed, though.

Then a chance conversation sent us to a local provider of service who offered 4G pocket routers.  Really? We looked at their brochure and asked questions. While 4G doesn't reach to our village, it will soon.

I thought about it for a while: it would cost us the same as our current provider per month and the pocket router came free!

I said, I want to take the risk: there's a chance that this will be better ... we did it. We came away with the router and some hope.

We got it home and it works. At times we can get speeds of 5 to 6 Mbps. As importantly, after 5 days, service has been unbroken and because it is a pocket router, we can take it with us wherever we go.

I stopped paying for the old service immediately. They are no more.

Since I have been sending the old providers an sms whenever there has been a significant break of service, I said: they will realise something is different when they realise I have stopped texting them!! After all, we didn't tell them we were leaving since they never told us that their service had stopped. I felt no loyalty to them.

After 5 days they asked how things were going and we told them we no longer needed them. They said oh!

Incidentally I used to send tweets to the head office of our old provider: they never replied.

Another case of monopoly madness.

Reward or Retard?

I wrote a long and solidly constructed piece for this post then I lost it, in the spirit of this weekend.

Bottom line: I did a job that should have brought me £0.50 per unit. I have been paid £0.04 per unit. It's a matter of control over channels in the same way that I have no control over the awful broadband connection I suffer from here.

So, shit happens as they say :)

DW

Flat Fish or Flat Cat

The cat you see is scraping some fish off the road for breakfast.

The cat got a whole fish from the rubbish bin and took it there to eat: middle of the road in a car park.

A car came along and as the cat was reluctant to move, the driver very carefully inched the car forward. He didn't see the cat moving out of the way so he reversed the car until he saw the cat again.  The cat had moved out of the way but now it came back.

The driver then drove to the right then the left as he tried to ensure he didn't kill or injure the cat. He was successful: the cat survived!

What the driver did do was to drive over the fish that the cat left on the road. Hence flat fish but not flat cat!

DW

Flat Bread

For some reason I decided I wanted to make some flat bread.  Today I did it!

I didn't have yoghurt so I used milk instead. Otherwise, so simple and they turned out pretty well. I turned one of them into a pizza!!

Look:

Cramp, wifi and a water pump

I was woken this morning by cramps in my left calf. Horrific. Extremely painful. It wouldn't stop. Eventually I was able to move to get out of bed but I cannot remember such a bad attack.

Our wifi is currently broken ... for the EIGHTH time this month. Not bad since it's only 13th January.

Our water pump stopped working this morning too: ants had been crawling through it and shorted it out. It's ok now thankfully.

DW

The Books Are Available Now

My latest two books are now available for sale: Finance for the Non Financial Manager Buy Here Finance for the Non Financial Manager Exercise Book With Solutions Buy Here These two books are crammed with information, techniques, exercises, Excel help and guidance and having read them, you will have learned a huge amount and you will be able to do a huge amount. DW

Biff!

Daughter Abi is 7 months old now and can crawl and stand using furniture. Hooray!

As everyone was getting ready this morning I checked on Abi in the living room: she was standing,  holding on to the settee. She was alone and I thought, she'll be fine. And she was.

After a few minutes I went back in the room to see she had crawled quite a way across the room.

I left her and she started calling so I shouted back for her to follow me. She did. As I waited, I saw her appear in the doorway ... then suddenly ... boof!  Her hand stuck to the floor and as she motioned forward that caused her head to go down instead of along.

She got a temporary fat lip and dented pride.

Otherwise,  all is well!!!

DW

My Kitchen Rules Australia 2014

I would never have heard about this programme if I hadn't taken out a trial for a film/TV etc streaming web site. However, I have heard about it now and I watched about a third of the episodes of the 2014 series and enjoyed them. It's a typical cookery programme in which people talk really big about their cooking skills and then when it comes down to it, they often serve rubbish. I don't say that in a superior way because I do the same at home and have never put myself in the position that these men and women have. Good luck to them that they tried. I liked most of the contestants most of the time: the stars were the Greek twins I think although they didn't win. The couple I came to despise did make it to the final but the good news is they didn't win: Chloe and Kelly, two awful, vindictive, spiteful women who talked big about everything but mostly themselves. They rubbished everybody else and everything else. How they got to the final is a mystery although I have to say in the final they did alright. What really got to me was Kelly's massively artificial, forced smile. In the end, every time she was on the screen I covered her face, I just couldn't bear to see it any more. Well done to Bree May and Jessica Liebich who did win it and they won it in style: with an excellent menu, excellent coordination and excellent technical skills. Good to see. I liked this programme but it is such a big commitment that I am not sure I would watch so many episodes again. I understand they are producing MKR in the UK now or soon and I am sure they will find some of the worst people on the planet to compete in it. Just like they did with Storage Hunters (the UK equivalent of the US programme of a similar name). The people they found for that were squirmingly and stereotypically naff beyond all telling. You can now see what kind of things are on offer on expat TV, can't you. Stuff I would never normally watch in a million years. I have now found much better fare to settle down to, however! DW

New Book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager

I have submitted my manuscript to my publisher now for my latest book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager. This will be book available online at www.bookboon.com and I will post the direct URL once I know what it is: shouldn't be too long. The business model for www.bookboon.com is that some books are free of charge and others have to be paid for: I have no idea which is which as I type this but it will be obvious once it's uploaded. In any case, the books are not expensive. There are special offers too which means that sometimes a premu, paid for book, is suddenly free of charge for a while ... worth watching out for. Remember, my 3 volume set Excel solutions for Accountants has already been on sale at www.bookboon.com since the end of June 2015 and not only is it selling well but the reviews are fantastic! My page on ww.bookboon.com is here: Duncan Williamson Author Happy reading: there are many exercises and Excel files in the package too ... it really is good value! DW

Happy New Year

I know the weather has been bad in lots of places but the Christmas holidays have been and gone now for most people. So as you settle back in at work or college or even at home, here's wishing you a happy new year 2016.

DW

Weather Forecast? Far From it

Before Christmas I called my old friend Malcolm in Halifax for a chat and we talked about this and that,  as usual.

Since he has no real idea of where I am living and what it's like, he asks me questions about all sorts of things, including the weather.

I told him it was winter now, the dry season: it probably won't rain again until April next year, possibly, I said. Oh! He said.

Of course, within two hours of ending the call, we had at least an hour of solid rain here!!!

DW

New Video! -

Turkmenistan

I have arrived in Ashkhabad,  Turkmenistan and first impressions are favourable.

A lot of white marble buildings: new and modern looking. Good roads with lots of nice looking cars.

My trip from the airport to the hotel showed that most cars are Toyota,  BMW, Lexus with a smattering of Lady and Niva.

It's already dark so I will see the lie of the land in more detail in the morning.

DW

New Video! -

three dice

My Queuing Experience

I need someone to study me and my queues. I really am the man in the post office whose queue grinds to a halt while all others move swiftly.

For example, I am at passport control now and just after I joined my queue the woman at the desk in my queue had a problem. The next person had a five minute problem. In the meantime the next queue along that I had intended to join has moved so quickly that the couple who started queuing there at the same time as me are long gone.

I could bore you with more but you really wouldn't believe me!

DW

When is it Time to Apologise to a Fish?

I am sorry my piscatorial friends because I have failed you! We have a 1,300 litre fish tank in the front garden and although it is the rainy season, the water was at about half the level it could be. Last night I decided to top up the tank a little to get some fresh, oxygenated water in there. I forgot I had done that and left the water running. At 2 am the mother in law, who lives next door, heard our water pump going on and on and got out of bed and stopped the water. In the meantime at least two fish died: probably because of the cold. One or two went over the overflow as is their wont when the tank is full. So it is time to apologise to those fish that didn't make it through my inadequacy. I don't know how we wandered around the garden last night, as we did, how we didn't hear the pump because it is just outside our bedroom ... So, really sorry for that! DW

Oil Tanker Problem

Introduction

Last night I was finishing off some work when I came across a problem on a help site: the problem had been posted in December 2014 and hadn't been answered. I realise that 9 months is a long time but I wanted to understand the problem and see if I could provide a solution: I did both!

One of the difficulties with the problem as stated was that the questioner asked for a nested IF solution, He insisted. Other people tried to help him and he duly provided a mock up of his worksheet for us all. Again he talked about a nested IF statement solution and even provided one ... that he freely admitted didn't work.

The problem is this:

• there are two oil storage tanks and oil is first measured by means of a dip stick which is then used to estimate the amount of oil in the tanks


• the oil is stored for days at a time and each day new oil is added


• every now and again, though, the tanks are drained

He said that by taking the differences between opening and closing stocks for each day he can estimate the amount of oil added; and by adding together the results for the two tanks he gets overall additions for a day.

Good!

Then he says the problem comes when the tanks are drained ... his calculation shows a negative result for dranage day!

I translated his graphic into a worksheet and here it is.

The question is: can you solve his problem?



This table starts in B7 and in L11 there is a formula: =E11-E10+H11-H10

That formula is then filled down to the end of the table, day 31 in cell L41

You can see the problem clearly in the second part of the table, day 27 , where they have drained the first tank overnight:



That's it: I solved this problem ... can you? Let me know and I will share my solution. If you ask, you must tell me what you did to try to solve it. No try, no get! ;)

Duncan Williamson

A Hawk for Breakfast in Muscat

I was sitting at my computer at 7:15 this morning when I heard a rap on the window. Since I am on the 7th floor I was intrigued so I got up to take a look and look at what was there. I have never seen a bird like this in the wild before and here it was sitting on my window sill. I was really keen not to worry it so I carefully moved around and made a short video and took some photos with my phone. Then I got my big camera on the job and took the photos you see here. The problem is that between me and the bird was a dirty window which has made the photos a bit grainy. Never mind, one of them looks pretty good in spite of that. The bird saw me, by the way, but it was confident enough to stay with me and it was still there after 20 - 25 minutes as I went for breakfast. By the time I got back to the room it was eating the bird it had caught and that was firmly held in its left claw. Notice the feathers sticking to its beak: from breakfast! DW

VW Beetles

Take a look at these photos: a very smart looking VW Beetle parked in the centre of Bangkok this afternoon. It looks as if the car has been fully restored to its original condition. Just look at the wheels, however. I'm not an expert so cannot comment on the rest. DW

Another Top Tip

It'a long time since I offered a top tip but you might need this one: Before you go try to through the glass French windows onto your patio or balcony make sure they are open first. DW

Free Pizza ... OK, free page that talks about a Pizza!

I have managed to create another page on my revamped web site. It's about the wonders that can unfurl any management accountant who ventures into a kitchen ... Take a look ... http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/manacc_kitch.html DW

Some as big as yer 'ead!

I am in Brunei again and this afternoon I went for a walk. I saw some interesting buildings but didn't take any photos.

I saw some interesting tree/vegetation combinations but didn't take any photos.

I saw the body of a young dead cat and didn't take any photos.

But I had to take photos of the biggest fungi I have ever seen. Take a look. See my size 47 foot to get some idea of how big these fungi are!

DW

It's Back ... www.duncanwil.co.uk

What do I mean it's back? It's been there since July 2001! That was true until about two weeks ago when I deleted the entire site. I decided that it was too hotch potch. I was locked out of it by my site host who couldn't or wouldn't give me the password to let me back in ... so I got rid of all of the old stuff and decided to start again. The home page is there and there is one technical page so far: a page in the Excel section on Sparklines: http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/sparklines.html At this stage I am not sure I've got a grand plan for the site but I am concentrating on getting it to look right first. I want to create a look that is timeless and that if I do change, it will be easy to change site wide. I am using Adobe Muse as my site developer and it's a cracking bit of software I have to say. There are just a couple of niggles with it but generally I like it. One of the key things for me and my site was the navigation panel. That sometimes took as long to update as updating the pages. In Muse that's done automatically. The sitemap is automatic. Organising files and photos is automatic. That's a real bonus for me. Well, there you are. Up to date again! DW

Goodness, it's August Already

Just came back from a trip and my sponsor paid my taxi fare from airport to hotel.

Well, I gave them the receipt for airport to hotel and they doubled it to cover that and the return journey.

Just my luck that this morning's return taxi was a metred car. So, budget was smashed and instead of breaking even, I ended up paying one third of the fares myself.

DW

New Video! -

Schedule for August - November 2015

If you are in the market to be trained in financial modelling and/or International Financial Reporting Standards, take a look at my schedule of public courses for the next few months. I might be coming to a town near you! Just write to me here, comment/respond; and I will refer you to the sponsoring company for details and to get you signed up. Looking forward to seeing you soon! DW

Fran gets Another Honour

Daughter Fran has just been awarded another honour from another UK University ...

Well done again!

DW

Excel Solutions ... book 3

It's here now ... http://bookboon.com/en/excel-solutions-for-accountants-book-3-ebook

DW

The Chaos by Gerard Nolst Trenité

I think this poem is the best poem I know: http://ncf.idallen.com/english.html If you think you know English or you are learning it, this is for you. Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922) Dearest creature in creation Studying English pronunciation, I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse. I will keep you, Susy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy; Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear; Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer. Pray, console your loving poet, Make my coat look new, dear, sew it! Just compare heart, hear and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word. Sword and sward, retain and Britain (Mind the latter how it's written). Made has not the sound of bade, Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid. Now I surely will not plague you With such words as vague and ague, But be careful how you speak, Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak , Previous, precious, fuchsia, via Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir; Woven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. Say, expecting fraud and trickery: Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore, Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles, Missiles, similes, reviles. Wholly, holly, signal, signing, Same, examining, but mining, Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far. From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire", Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier, Topsham, brougham, renown, but known, Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone, One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel. Gertrude, German, wind and wind, Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind, Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, Reading, Reading, heathen, heather. This phonetic labyrinth Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. Have you ever yet endeavoured To pronounce revered and severed, Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul, Peter, petrol and patrol? Billet does not end like ballet; Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Banquet is not nearly parquet, Which exactly rhymes with khaki. Discount, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward, Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet? Right! Your pronunciation's OK. Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Is your r correct in higher? Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia. Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot, Buoyant, minute, but minute. Say abscission with precision, Now: position and transition; Would it tally with my rhyme If I mentioned paradigm? Twopence, threepence, tease are easy, But cease, crease, grease and greasy? Cornice, nice, valise, revise, Rabies, but lullabies. Of such puzzling words as nauseous, Rhyming well with cautious, tortious, You'll envelop lists, I hope, In a linen envelope. Would you like some more? You'll have it! Affidavit, David, davit. To abjure, to perjure. Sheik Does not sound like Czech but ache. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed but vowed. Mark the difference, moreover, Between mover, plover, Dover. Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice, Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, penal, and canal, Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal, Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it", But it is not hard to tell Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall. Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron, Timber, climber, bullion, lion, Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor, Ivy, privy, famous; clamour Has the a of drachm and hammer. Pussy, hussy and possess, Desert, but desert, address. Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants. Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb, Cow, but Cowper, some and home. "Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker", Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor", Making, it is sad but true, In bravado, much ado. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant. Arsenic, specific, scenic, Relic, rhetoric, hygienic. Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close, Paradise, rise, rose, and dose. Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, Make the latter rhyme with eagle. Mind! Meandering but mean, Valentine and magazine. And I bet you, dear, a penny, You say mani-(fold) like many, Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier, Tier (one who ties), but tier. Arch, archangel; pray, does erring Rhyme with herring or with stirring? Prison, bison, treasure trove, Treason, hover, cover, cove, Perseverance, severance. Ribald Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled. Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw, Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw. Don't be down, my own, but rough it, And distinguish buffet, buffet; Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon, Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn. Say in sounds correct and sterling Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling. Evil, devil, mezzotint, Mind the z! (A gentle hint.) Now you need not pay attention To such sounds as I don't mention, Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws, Rhyming with the pronoun yours; Nor are proper names included, Though I often heard, as you did, Funny rhymes to unicorn, Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan. No, my maiden, coy and comely, I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley. No. Yet Froude compared with proud Is no better than McLeod. But mind trivial and vial, Tripod, menial, denial, Troll and trolley, realm and ream, Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme. Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely May be made to rhyme with Raleigh, But you're not supposed to say Piquet rhymes with sobriquet. Had this invalid invalid Worthless documents? How pallid, How uncouth he, couchant, looked, When for Portsmouth I had booked! Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite, Paramour, enamoured, flighty, Episodes, antipodes, Acquiesce, and obsequies. Please don't monkey with the geyser, Don't peel 'taters with my razor, Rather say in accents pure: Nature, stature and mature. Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly, Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly, Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan, Wan, sedan and artisan. The th will surely trouble you More than r, ch or w. Say then these phonetic gems: Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames. Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham, There are more but I forget 'em- Wait! I've got it: Anthony, Lighten your anxiety. The archaic word albeit Does not rhyme with eight-you see it; With and forthwith, one has voice, One has not, you make your choice. Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger; Then say: singer, ginger, linger. Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, age, Hero, heron, query, very, Parry, tarry fury, bury, Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth, Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath. Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners, Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners Holm you know, but noes, canoes, Puisne, truism, use, to use? Though the difference seems little, We say actual, but victual, Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height, Put, nut, granite, and unite. Reefer does not rhyme with deafer, Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late, Hint, pint, senate, but sedate. Gaelic, Arabic, pacific, Science, conscience, scientific; Tour, but our, dour, succour, four, Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit, Next omit, which differs from it Bona fide, alibi Gyrate, dowry and awry. Sea, idea, guinea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean, Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion with battalion, Rally with ally; yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay! Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. Never guess-it is not safe, We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf. Starry, granary, canary, Crevice, but device, and eyrie, Face, but preface, then grimace, Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging, Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging; Ear, but earn; and ere and tear Do not rhyme with here but heir. Mind the o of off and often Which may be pronounced as orphan, With the sound of saw and sauce; Also soft, lost, cloth and cross. Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting? Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting. Respite, spite, consent, resent. Liable, but Parliament. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk, Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work. A of valour, vapid vapour, S of news (compare newspaper), G of gibbet, gibbon, gist, I of antichrist and grist, Differ like diverse and divers, Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers. Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll, Polish, Polish, poll and poll. Pronunciation-think of Psyche!- Is a paling, stout and spiky. Won't it make you lose your wits Writing groats and saying "grits"? It's a dark abyss or tunnel Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale, Islington, and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Don't you think so, reader, rather, Saying lather, bather, father? Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?? Hiccough has the sound of sup... My advice is: GIVE IT UP! DW

Excel Solutions ... Volume 2

It's here now ... http://bookboon.com/en/excel-solutions-for-accountants-book-2-ebook

Excel Solutions for Accountants

Book One of a series of three books is now online ... http://bookboon.com/en/excel-solutions-for-accountants-book-1-ebook DW

Abi

Update on Abi ...

She is over two weeks old now and coming along nicely.

She feeds well on mother's milk. She sleeps, wakes and feeds according to norms.

She flails her arms and legs at times, especially when she is hungry. She wears gloves all of the time to prevent scratches and they look a bit funny!

Mrs W expresses some of her milk so that others can feed her from time to time and I fed her for the first time after two weeks. I have fed her a couple of times after that too.

Delightful and good natured girl.

DW

Does my Bum Look Big in This?

I know! Who would do such a thing? Not me but it's the family dog!

DW

Funny Food

I eat local food in all sorts of places but whilst this is not weird it's odd.

Buttered bread with curry sauce. It claimed to be naan bread bit it was far too light for that.

The curry sauce was nice I have to say.

Glutinous rice now!

DW

Jaundice

Like many babies, Abi's got a touch of jaundice so she's undergoing blue light treatment! Another day or so in hospital.

Otherwise she seems to be doing well. Almost back to her birth weight.

DO

Sirinada Abigail Williamson

My second daughter arrived yesterday at 11:40 am local time.

3.36 kg or 7 lbs 6 oz.

Fighting fit and she was born by caesarian section.

Wishing her a long, happy and peaceful life.

Parenthood

A poem what I wrote in anticipation ...

DW

Space Travel

I flew from Kuala Lumpur to Bangkok with EgyptAir last night. In the row behind me was a family that included three children who were all bilingual: English and Arabic. They switched from language to language frequently.

As we sped down the runway, the forward camera was being shown on the television screens and as we lifted off, the airport and city lights were replaced by starlight, almost in an instant.

In a beautiful deadpan voice, the girl behind me said, when she saw the stars, "We're into space?" I wish I'd recorded the moment!

DW

Are you Listening?

I was accused of not listening to someone the other day: someone who called me to deliver a monologue. As I naively believed it should be a dialogue I spoke. I tried it once. Then spoke only when I was asked something.

The other day a manager from the hotel came to talk to me and said I should use trip advisor of agoda to rate their hotel ... good and bad, he said. As we talked, again more of a monologue than a dialogue I said, there are two important things in a hotel ... I told him the first one and as I started to tell him my second one, he was already talking again.

Last night, I was waiting for my suitcase at the airport when a fellow passenger came and started talking.  At first I didn't follow what he was talking about.  I don't think he knew either! Well, it settled down and I learned about the price of his ticket,  his route, his view on various airlines, where he lived, where he worked, the comfort of the plane we had just shared, his accounting department's views on his expenses and more.

I started to offer something of my own.but he started looking around and something behind me caught his eye. I was unwittingly engaged in another monologue. I stopped talking and thankfully my suitcase arrived. We went our separate ways.

DW

I am a Hacker!

This is true:

DW