Flat Fish or Flat Cat

The cat you see is scraping some fish off the road for breakfast.

The cat got a whole fish from the rubbish bin and took it there to eat: middle of the road in a car park.

A car came along and as the cat was reluctant to move, the driver very carefully inched the car forward. He didn't see the cat moving out of the way so he reversed the car until he saw the cat again.  The cat had moved out of the way but now it came back.

The driver then drove to the right then the left as he tried to ensure he didn't kill or injure the cat. He was successful: the cat survived!

What the driver did do was to drive over the fish that the cat left on the road. Hence flat fish but not flat cat!

DW

Flat Bread

For some reason I decided I wanted to make some flat bread.  Today I did it!

I didn't have yoghurt so I used milk instead. Otherwise, so simple and they turned out pretty well. I turned one of them into a pizza!!

Look:

Cramp, wifi and a water pump

I was woken this morning by cramps in my left calf. Horrific. Extremely painful. It wouldn't stop. Eventually I was able to move to get out of bed but I cannot remember such a bad attack.

Our wifi is currently broken ... for the EIGHTH time this month. Not bad since it's only 13th January.

Our water pump stopped working this morning too: ants had been crawling through it and shorted it out. It's ok now thankfully.

DW

The Books Are Available Now

My latest two books are now available for sale: Finance for the Non Financial Manager Buy Here Finance for the Non Financial Manager Exercise Book With Solutions Buy Here These two books are crammed with information, techniques, exercises, Excel help and guidance and having read them, you will have learned a huge amount and you will be able to do a huge amount. DW

Biff!

Daughter Abi is 7 months old now and can crawl and stand using furniture. Hooray!

As everyone was getting ready this morning I checked on Abi in the living room: she was standing,  holding on to the settee. She was alone and I thought, she'll be fine. And she was.

After a few minutes I went back in the room to see she had crawled quite a way across the room.

I left her and she started calling so I shouted back for her to follow me. She did. As I waited, I saw her appear in the doorway ... then suddenly ... boof!  Her hand stuck to the floor and as she motioned forward that caused her head to go down instead of along.

She got a temporary fat lip and dented pride.

Otherwise,  all is well!!!

DW

My Kitchen Rules Australia 2014

I would never have heard about this programme if I hadn't taken out a trial for a film/TV etc streaming web site. However, I have heard about it now and I watched about a third of the episodes of the 2014 series and enjoyed them. It's a typical cookery programme in which people talk really big about their cooking skills and then when it comes down to it, they often serve rubbish. I don't say that in a superior way because I do the same at home and have never put myself in the position that these men and women have. Good luck to them that they tried. I liked most of the contestants most of the time: the stars were the Greek twins I think although they didn't win. The couple I came to despise did make it to the final but the good news is they didn't win: Chloe and Kelly, two awful, vindictive, spiteful women who talked big about everything but mostly themselves. They rubbished everybody else and everything else. How they got to the final is a mystery although I have to say in the final they did alright. What really got to me was Kelly's massively artificial, forced smile. In the end, every time she was on the screen I covered her face, I just couldn't bear to see it any more. Well done to Bree May and Jessica Liebich who did win it and they won it in style: with an excellent menu, excellent coordination and excellent technical skills. Good to see. I liked this programme but it is such a big commitment that I am not sure I would watch so many episodes again. I understand they are producing MKR in the UK now or soon and I am sure they will find some of the worst people on the planet to compete in it. Just like they did with Storage Hunters (the UK equivalent of the US programme of a similar name). The people they found for that were squirmingly and stereotypically naff beyond all telling. You can now see what kind of things are on offer on expat TV, can't you. Stuff I would never normally watch in a million years. I have now found much better fare to settle down to, however! DW

New Book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager

I have submitted my manuscript to my publisher now for my latest book: Finance for the Non Financial Manager. This will be book available online at www.bookboon.com and I will post the direct URL once I know what it is: shouldn't be too long. The business model for www.bookboon.com is that some books are free of charge and others have to be paid for: I have no idea which is which as I type this but it will be obvious once it's uploaded. In any case, the books are not expensive. There are special offers too which means that sometimes a premu, paid for book, is suddenly free of charge for a while ... worth watching out for. Remember, my 3 volume set Excel solutions for Accountants has already been on sale at www.bookboon.com since the end of June 2015 and not only is it selling well but the reviews are fantastic! My page on ww.bookboon.com is here: Duncan Williamson Author Happy reading: there are many exercises and Excel files in the package too ... it really is good value! DW

Happy New Year

I know the weather has been bad in lots of places but the Christmas holidays have been and gone now for most people. So as you settle back in at work or college or even at home, here's wishing you a happy new year 2016.

DW

Weather Forecast? Far From it

Before Christmas I called my old friend Malcolm in Halifax for a chat and we talked about this and that,  as usual.

Since he has no real idea of where I am living and what it's like, he asks me questions about all sorts of things, including the weather.

I told him it was winter now, the dry season: it probably won't rain again until April next year, possibly, I said. Oh! He said.

Of course, within two hours of ending the call, we had at least an hour of solid rain here!!!

DW

New Video! -

Turkmenistan

I have arrived in Ashkhabad,  Turkmenistan and first impressions are favourable.

A lot of white marble buildings: new and modern looking. Good roads with lots of nice looking cars.

My trip from the airport to the hotel showed that most cars are Toyota,  BMW, Lexus with a smattering of Lady and Niva.

It's already dark so I will see the lie of the land in more detail in the morning.

DW

New Video! -

three dice

My Queuing Experience

I need someone to study me and my queues. I really am the man in the post office whose queue grinds to a halt while all others move swiftly.

For example, I am at passport control now and just after I joined my queue the woman at the desk in my queue had a problem. The next person had a five minute problem. In the meantime the next queue along that I had intended to join has moved so quickly that the couple who started queuing there at the same time as me are long gone.

I could bore you with more but you really wouldn't believe me!

DW

When is it Time to Apologise to a Fish?

I am sorry my piscatorial friends because I have failed you! We have a 1,300 litre fish tank in the front garden and although it is the rainy season, the water was at about half the level it could be. Last night I decided to top up the tank a little to get some fresh, oxygenated water in there. I forgot I had done that and left the water running. At 2 am the mother in law, who lives next door, heard our water pump going on and on and got out of bed and stopped the water. In the meantime at least two fish died: probably because of the cold. One or two went over the overflow as is their wont when the tank is full. So it is time to apologise to those fish that didn't make it through my inadequacy. I don't know how we wandered around the garden last night, as we did, how we didn't hear the pump because it is just outside our bedroom ... So, really sorry for that! DW

Oil Tanker Problem

Introduction

Last night I was finishing off some work when I came across a problem on a help site: the problem had been posted in December 2014 and hadn't been answered. I realise that 9 months is a long time but I wanted to understand the problem and see if I could provide a solution: I did both!

One of the difficulties with the problem as stated was that the questioner asked for a nested IF solution, He insisted. Other people tried to help him and he duly provided a mock up of his worksheet for us all. Again he talked about a nested IF statement solution and even provided one ... that he freely admitted didn't work.

The problem is this:

• there are two oil storage tanks and oil is first measured by means of a dip stick which is then used to estimate the amount of oil in the tanks


• the oil is stored for days at a time and each day new oil is added


• every now and again, though, the tanks are drained

He said that by taking the differences between opening and closing stocks for each day he can estimate the amount of oil added; and by adding together the results for the two tanks he gets overall additions for a day.

Good!

Then he says the problem comes when the tanks are drained ... his calculation shows a negative result for dranage day!

I translated his graphic into a worksheet and here it is.

The question is: can you solve his problem?



This table starts in B7 and in L11 there is a formula: =E11-E10+H11-H10

That formula is then filled down to the end of the table, day 31 in cell L41

You can see the problem clearly in the second part of the table, day 27 , where they have drained the first tank overnight:



That's it: I solved this problem ... can you? Let me know and I will share my solution. If you ask, you must tell me what you did to try to solve it. No try, no get! ;)

Duncan Williamson

A Hawk for Breakfast in Muscat

I was sitting at my computer at 7:15 this morning when I heard a rap on the window. Since I am on the 7th floor I was intrigued so I got up to take a look and look at what was there. I have never seen a bird like this in the wild before and here it was sitting on my window sill. I was really keen not to worry it so I carefully moved around and made a short video and took some photos with my phone. Then I got my big camera on the job and took the photos you see here. The problem is that between me and the bird was a dirty window which has made the photos a bit grainy. Never mind, one of them looks pretty good in spite of that. The bird saw me, by the way, but it was confident enough to stay with me and it was still there after 20 - 25 minutes as I went for breakfast. By the time I got back to the room it was eating the bird it had caught and that was firmly held in its left claw. Notice the feathers sticking to its beak: from breakfast! DW

VW Beetles

Take a look at these photos: a very smart looking VW Beetle parked in the centre of Bangkok this afternoon. It looks as if the car has been fully restored to its original condition. Just look at the wheels, however. I'm not an expert so cannot comment on the rest. DW

Another Top Tip

It'a long time since I offered a top tip but you might need this one: Before you go try to through the glass French windows onto your patio or balcony make sure they are open first. DW

Free Pizza ... OK, free page that talks about a Pizza!

I have managed to create another page on my revamped web site. It's about the wonders that can unfurl any management accountant who ventures into a kitchen ... Take a look ... http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/manacc_kitch.html DW