26.7.07

Disgraced cyclists and high temperatures

The Shame of their Shame

 

Given my links with Kazakhstan I was really pleased to see that the winner of two stages of Le Tour de France was from Astana in Kazakhstan. I was gutted for the country to see him going home in disgrace following an illegal blood transfusion. When will these sportsmen learn:

 

Your compatriots feel the shame of your shame

You will get caught

 

High Temperatures

 

I see a lot on the news at the moment about blisteringly high temperatures in Central and Eastern Europe. I am currently in Al Ain, Abu Dhabi and as I came back from work at 2100 hours today, the temperature was 38 degrees C ... imagine the daytime temperature. Do you hear anyone going on about it here?

 

How to look after a Thumb Drive

 

Was it three years ago that I bought my first thumb drive? You know, those little USB things that can store massive amounts of data in something the size of something very small. I started its life by leaving it stuck into a computer. Handily, someone responsible found it and had it put away safely for me. Well, I used that drive until recently when I gave it away ... bought a new one last week with 2 Gb of space. Happily using it until last night when I left it in a computer lab that all and sundry might use. I realised early today when I'd done and called the man I'm working with there and he found it and put it somewhere safe for me.

 

What is it with me and those thumb drives do you think?

 

DW

21.7.07

A few observations

As one moves around, one often notices things with more acuity than otherwise. On Friday, I was travelling around again and mode notes of the following:

 

Is Britain the only developed country that has no idea how to clean and maintain toilets in public areas? They usually stink, to say the least.

 

It rained quite a bit yesterday and as I got to the roundabout that takes me on to the A404(M) coming from Henley, there was a road closed sign. Two thirds of the road around that roundabout was under relatively deep water. Confusion reigned and I thought, even though I've allowed four hours for this journey (one should be enough) I couldn't contemplate the thought of turning back. Cars were cutting across lanes, going the wrong way round the roundabout and one BMW 3 series had clearly tried to get across the roundabout but had flooded his engine. I sat still for a while until a Transit type van and a Land Rover navigated the waters and saw that at worst only three quarters of their wheels were covered ... I decided to follow their line and give it a try. I drove slowly along the line I had plotted and made it through without let or hindrance to the other side. That other BMW driver must be stupid: having thought about the structure of my engine, the only thing that could possibly have hurt would have been water getting into the cabin (didn’t happen) or up the exhaust pipe. I think he went so quickly that he just swamped the entire car.

 

The road was then clear until the next major roundabout at Junction 4 of the M4. Getting off the M4 there to go to Terminals 1, 2 and 3 immediately led to very slow moving traffic. It took 45 minutes to crawl about a mile and in the end, having parked the car and got the bus to terminal 3, I could see no reason for the movement to be so slow as things were OK at the airport, the tunnel leading up to terminal one wasn't flooded ... I think I was lucky in the end that my one hour or so journey only took the two hours it did.

 

I sat near some foreigners on the shuttle bus and they simply couldn't understand our systems ... how can the buses, trains and the underground grind to a halt in the way they had. What about using big pump to drain the water? I have to say that it just takes a few snowflakes, leaves and drops of water and we are absolutely ruined aren't we?

 

Then again, I watched the news in the departures lounge and would like to record how astonishing it is that as soon as there is any surface water, someone has launched a dinghy or a rowing boat ... where do they come from? Is there a rowing boat fairy or something who dishes them out at the appropriate time?

 

Finally, was amused to see that in first class, they have monstrously big televisions to watch but they are encased in wood effect surrounds! An ultra modern Boeing 777-300 with wood effect televisions! It looks odd to me anyway!

 

DW

18.7.07

Error on the telly

I was watching Waking the Dead on BBC 1 last night which was partly set in Heathrow Airport as part of the story line. Two characters were wandering around airside when in the background there was a RyanAir aeroplane ... nope, can't happen as they don’t fly to or from Heathrow!

 

Tut, tut!

 

DW

15.7.07

Strawberries

Oh, meant to add some good news.

 

I planted some strawberry plants last year and this year they are a bit bigger and stronger but not fully established yet. However, I picked one yesterday before the birds and slugs got at it and it was absolutely magnificent. If you can, plant your own and forget the supermarket rubbish. Even if you only have strawberries a few times during the summer, it will be worth it if they are your own.

 

Mine are organic too as there are no artificial anything being sprayed or spread anywhere near them!

 

DW

Our weather

Today it's 15th July ... the middle of SUMMER in the UK. I am looking out of my dining room window to see cloud, greyness and gloom.

 

DW

11.7.07

Nice work if you can get it

I heard on the radio last week that Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, is currently on sabbatical leave. I thought, hmm, nice work if you can get it ... never having had so much as a sabbatical week. So I checked and found that Williams has only been in the job since 27th February 2003.

 

I don't remember any other Archbishop going on sabbatical leave either ... please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

DW

8.7.07

Move Office 2007? Don't Bother and A Visit to my GP

Move Office 2007? Don't Bother

 

When I installed Office 2007 I did so on an external drive DELIBERATELY. I did that partly to save internal hard drive space and partly because I need to keep Office 2003 going.

 

The other day I decided I would move Office 2007 to the internal hard drive and set System Mechanic off on the job.

 

I started it and when it got to just 40% completed when I had to go out, I paused it. Got back in and set it off again whereat it whizzed along to 60% complete fairly quickly. Then it stuck at 60% for a long time and I let it run over night ... got up on Friday morning to find it had made some progress but was still only 60% complete.

 

Let me cut a long story short and tell you that after 48 hours the thing stalled at 60% complete. I stopped it and am now no further forward. I had to stop doing various things because System Mechanic was "moving" things around so I lost some productivity. No surprise though in this modern day and age where one buys software that promises so much and then delivers so little.

 

I will now do what I was going to do before I got System Mechanic in on the job: uninstall and then reinstall Office 2007. The only thing that's worrying me really is anything to do with Outlook since I do rely on it for a lot of my communications.

 

What a waste of time. Reminds of the last time I went to see my GP.

 

Visiting the GP

 

I was ill last week as you know and I talked to my GP by phone and after he'd promised to write out a prescription for me, which he did, he said I should go and see him on Friday afternoon, 48 hours hence.

 

Friday afternoon came and I got to the surgery: it was still a bit of a struggle for me and I was drained when I got home. Anyway, as I was in the waiting room I was summoned to the receptionists' desk and they thrust a form at me that asked me to agree to being filmed during my consultation as the good Doctor was filming all of his consultations this afternoon. I agreed, ever keen to become a star in any way that I can.

 

I got into the consulting room and it was a bit tidier than normal, well I didn't notice any books and files all over the floor anyway. The Dr even had a clean shirt and tie on!

 

He let me start and I told him this and that and that I was sleeping but not resting and then described a dream I kept having during my illness. Well, he latched on to that and we spent quite a while as he tried to analyse my dream.

 

Now, given that I'd had a fever and had a serious ear infection, I just want to tell you that at no stage did he take my temperature and neither did he look into my infected ear to check on the efficacy of the antibiotics he had given me ... which is why I thought I'd gone there in the first place.

 

Given the way that I manage my life and business affairs, I left the place with the feeling of being glad that I'm moving to another part of the country soon. I know people who would have ranted and raved and insisted on an examination. Not only am I moving house and region but I knew that I was seeing the ENT specialist in Oxford within a week and I was confident that the tablets were working. I'd also bought myself a good thermometer too so I knew that my temperature was now well within normal limits.

 

I despair and am jealous of anyone whose GP is even just a bit better than the one I am describing here.

 

DW

 

5.7.07

Erudition unbounded

I have been watching a little bit of Wimbledon tennis for the first time in many years and two things stand out:

 

Those shouty players: either I turn the sound right down but even then that's sometimes not enough and I elect to watch someone else;

How erudite the average tennis supporter and player is. As an entreaty to their favourite player to overcome all odds, a supporter will shout something like, 'Come on, Tim.' Or 'Come on, Roger.' Or 'Come on, Marina.' Did you spot anything there? Yes, shouting 'Come on ...' seems to be enough.

 

Then when a player has just scored a point or lost one, they will often shout at themselves, or even heaven, 'Come on!'

 

Why didn't I think of that all of those years ago? I could be a retired, wealthy tennis star now. Another missed opportunity!

 

DW

3.7.07

Mouse ...

Yesterday morning I went out of the house to take something to the garage and got a shock as there was a mouse living under my outdoor shoes. Rather than running away, it snuggled further into the corner. I did what I had to do, giving the little rodent the chance to escape. For some reason, it decided to stay put. I went back to the garage and got my £2 umbrella, my persuader.

 

I shooed the thing away and it moved. Then it wanted to go back to that corner. I continued shooing. It was slow and ponderous, making me think it was old and/or ill. Anyway, I got it round a couple of corners but still it seemed to want to go back where it was. I was then a bit rough and it lay still. Not convinced that I'd killed it, I thought the best thing to do now was to despatch it, so I caught it a right fourpenny one. I did a bit more of my business and as I went back to look at it I saw that one of its feet was twitching. I realised that it may have been its death throes but I didn't want to take the chance of it coming round ... so this time I felt fourpence wasn't enough so I took my shoe off and put paid to the thing.

 

It didn't move again.

 

I didn't set out to kill the thing but once it seemed to have become injured I dealt with it quickly. I really hoped that one of the cats in the neighbourhood would have taken care of the thing but I think the cat next door is on holiday and I didn't see the cat from next door but one at all yesterday!

 

Oh well, now you know! Off to eat some cheese now!!!

 

DW

1.7.07

At last ...

I'm still not fully recovered from my recent illness but here is what I have just been suffering from.

 

I have talked over the last year or so about my ear infections. Ever since I was five I have had hearing problems and they have resurfaced over the last year or so and become a little bit more persistent. Consequently I am seeing a specialist in Oxford and will be seeing him within a week. In the meantime I caught yet another infection a few weeks ago and for one reason or another didn't get it seen to. So I went on my latest trip knowing that I had an ear infection and also knowing that within a week or so of my return from that trip I will be seeing the doctor.

 

To cut a long story short, I began to feel a little bit off a week last Thursday and began to feel worse and worse day by day. Given the sort of person I am, I fight these things and refuse to be beaten by them. However, I decided I needed to see a doctor and did so in Oman last Sunday afternoon. That doctor gave me some antibiotics and a few other odds and ends and sent me on my way. I didn't expect a miracle of course and the following day I felt no better. I did my work as best I could but could only potter round and sleep when I wasn't working. I left to come back home in the evening and when I got to Dubai International airport I decided to go to the medical centre there.

 

I went to the medical centre then and was seen by a number of people: paramedics, nurses and a doctor. They treated me extremely well; but the first thing that surprised me with is that I was running a very high temperature, 38.3°. The doctor in Oman hadn't taken my temperature and I have to confess I didn't feel hot. So the ear infection had gone out of control and was causing me problems manifesting themselves as a fever. Now they knew the problem they set about solving it. They gave me an injection which proved to be not powerful enough. They then gave me an intravenous injection which made me sweat copiously in fact in such quantities that even the nurses were worried! Not so the Dr of course since that was the effect he wanted! After two hours or so they got my temperature down 2° and had begun to give me additional oxygen. The doctor was pleased with progress and said I could leave whenever I felt like it and although I took the offer of a wheelchair ride back to the plane I did feel a lot better and rather than moping around like a very old man I did feel quite a bit more alert and quite a bit more lively.

 

I slept quite well on the plane and was even able to drive home with no incidents. So I got home within a couple hours of landing and then the rot set in.

 

The weather on arrival was very poor: cloudy and cold. This meant that by late morning I had started to shiver and to feel ill again. I talked to my GP by phone and he prepared a prescription for me for some further antibiotics. The following day I didn't feel a great deal better: this just goes to show the power of a fever; and it was only by Friday  that I began to feel more of a permanent recovery was on the way and went outside to the first time since I had got back. However, I was drained by the time I got back in.

 

It is Sunday now and I am feeling a lot better but still my guess of Wednesday being the final day of feeling so poorly is probably still an accurate one.

 

I bought a thermometer on Wednesday and I have been using it two or three times every day ever since. Then something very interesting with this: even though I might feel hot and sweaty, my temperature was normal; similarly, when I feel cold again my temperature may be normal.

 

That little bit of the history of me of the last week or so with a major lesson learned: don't let any ear infection go too far. So simple!

 

DW

30.6.07

Definition of reshuffle

On the news for the last two days we have been hearing that Gordon Brown, the new Prime Minister of the UK, has been reshuffling his cabinet. Here is the definition of reshuffle from the Concise Oxford English Dictionary:

 

reshuffle

n     verb

1     interchange the positions of (members of a team, especially government ministers).

2     rearrange.

n     noun an act of reshuffling.

 

Now, since this is Brown's FIRST ever cabinet arrangement, please explain to me how it can possibly comprise a reshuffle. I think it ranks as an arrangement or, much more sensibly, Mr Brown's first cabinet team!

 

DW

Still not well

I promised some deep and detailed feedback on my latest trip but I am only now coming round to anything like normal. Tomorrow I should post something on my illness at least.

 

DW

26.6.07

What a performance

Just got back from a very eventful trip to Dubai and Oman. Dubai was exceptionally hot and by the time I left there I am afraid I had no strength in my three says in Muscat to do any touring. I was also working there too and didn't have the time either.

 

More later when I will reveal some of the fun and frolics.

 

DW

15.6.07

Top 50 Blogs

Simulcast: you NEED to look at the list of the top 50 Blogs ... according to the Times OnlIne:

 

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/media/article1923706.ece

 

DW

14.6.07

How about this little family: a pair of swans and their SIX cygnets: seen yesterday in the centre of Abingdon, on the Thames.

Aw!

DW

When I was a lad ...

James Naughtie said a short time ago on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4:

 

We'll be talking to the commander of a ship that was sunk (in the Falklands War of 1982) who later became First Sea Lord.

 

This little ditty immediately sprang to my mind: 'When I was a lad ...'

 

Now where does that come from?

 

DW

Luton Airport

I just received an entreaty to swap links with another web site: you know one of those sites that reflects much of the content of my own site. So, would I please accept and share a link with LUTON AIRPORT.

 

OK, so I travel a lot but to link my site with an airport seems a bit extreme.

 

Let me say, though, that I HAVE flown into Luton Airport and I met two ladies arriving from Poland a while ago. Maybe that's the connection then?

 

DW

13.6.07

Xmas is over ...

Just driving back from dropping off Master W and realised that I've still
got my Christmas CDs in the car's stereo ... must take them out soon!

DW

Storage

Have you read the Economist this week? No? There's an article entitled 'Taking storage to the next dimension'.

Are you old enough to remember using those 5.25 inch floppy disks, let alone 3.4" floppies? No? Well, CDs were huge when they came in weren't they? NO, then you remember DVDs really.

Well, BluRay has come along with its 25Gb storage capacity. Then the other day I mentioned the terabyte drive I saw in a shop the other day.

Well, that article tells us that some Fortune 1000 companies are storing as much as 680 terabytes of data and information EVERY YEAR. So that's a lot then ... just work out what it means if you can!

Now there is going to be holographic storage: 300 gigabytes on a disk which is 12 times what we can get on a BluRay disk and 60 times more than a DVD. Not big enough for you? Well, the article says that within a few years, those 300 Gb will become 1,600Gb or 1.6Tb.

Holographic disks don't spin, either, their rotate ever so slowly ... read the article to see why! They're not slow to write either, as they will transfer data at the rate of one million bits at a time. That translates to 160 megabits a second.

These are corporate dreams at the moment and since large corporations pay a lot to store their data on magnetic tapes that take up lots of room and so on, please bear in mind that a holographic drive will cost $18,000 and each 300Gb disk will cost $180.

Thought you'd like to know that!

DW

8.6.07

Good for business

It had to happen, I suppose.
 
The accountancy profession has finally decided to get on board the Royalty Express. From the Accounting Education web site comes the following:
 
HRH the Prince of Wales has accepted an invitation to become the first honorary member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England & Wales (ICAEW).

The Prince of Wales was nominated in recognition of his commitment to the sustainability agenda and, in particular, his involvement of the accountancy profession through the Accounting for Sustainability project. The honour is also in recognition of the assistance that the Prince of Wales has given to young people and to business generally by the promotion of business start-ups, personal development and community projects through the Prince's Trust and other initiatives.

In making the announcement at the Institute's Annual Lunch, ICAEW President Richard Dyson said: "At our annual dinner in 2005, the Prince of Wales challenged the accountancy profession to play its part in the sustainability agenda. He recognised that we could have a great deal to offer and I believe the ICAEW has risen to that challenge through its work on sustainability and measurement. I'm delighted that he has accepted honorary membership. It is our way of thanking him not just for the leadership he has given on this issue but also for the contribution he has made to business over many years."

The category of honorary membership of the ICAEW was approved in June 2006 at the institute's annual general meeting to recognise those who have made an outstanding contribution to the accountancy profession and/or the finance and business world. Any member can suggest individuals for the accolade. All suggestions received are considered by the institute's nominations committee before a formal proposal is made to Council who make the final decision.
 
It's taken the Institue something like 100 years to think of a way to get a Royal involved so that they can cringe and fawn all over it.
 
 
Duncan Williamson

4.6.07

Viruses etc

Got back and needed to use the desktop for a printing job to find that two bits of software had crashed. No one knew or understood what had happened of course. Nothing like that had happened before.

 

Why was the anti virus software not working? 'Is it?', came the rejoinder.

 

I rebooted and watched what happened and decided I needed to investigate the anti viral thing further as it was still switched off. I updated the anti virus software and it needed almost 30 mega bytes of updating. That's astonishing. I then ran a virus check and it got to 8,142 problems by midnight. I have never seen so many errors and potential virus incidents on one machine after around 30 years of messing around with computers.

 

Of course, you can tell me your own personal nightmare and I'd be happy to share it with the world! Just click on the comment button here!

 

DW

1.6.07

Pret a Manger

How about this for a bit of stupendous selling? Buy an oat and fruit slice at Pret a Manger at the moment and you will find the following on the label:

 

Only Pret's Oat and Fruit Slice is stirred by hand with a four foot long oar. Strange as this may seem, we've found that mechanical mixers turn the ingredients into a horrid pulp. Hand mixing the ingredients adds a lot of work but greatly improves the flavour. It is partly for this reason that the texture and taste of the product is so good.

 

The slice was quite good, I have to admit!

 

DW

27.5.07

the Queen... the film

You might remember a while ago I said that if the Queen Mother, God rest her, had been nominated for BBC Sports Personality of The Year she would have won it. Having watched the film The Queen just now I am convinced I'm right: it was the most utter drivel and yet didn’t Helen Mirren win an Oscar for it?

If I were to make that film I wouldn't have called it the Queen I would have called it something like, Surrounding the Death of Diana: The Woman Who Will Not Die. Harsh possibly but then again more nearer to reality than simply the Queen.

The essence of this film is that Tony Blair is newly elected as prime minister and then Diana dies in a car crash in Paris. Most of the action in the film surrounds that event. Prince Philip is made to be a boor and a clot. Charles wears an expression of astonishment for the whole film. The Queen Mother, God rest her, manages to swill a bit of gin at one stage. We never see the boys. Cherie Blair is an arch republican.

Tony Blair is treated badly by the Queen: she treats him with disdain. I have no idea whether that is really their relationship but that is how it appears anyway.

One crucial point is that the entire Royal family and the entire government spend their entire time watching the television and reading the tabloid press. Bet you didn't know that!

The Queen is portrayed as a very independent woman: drives everywhere by herself, launches off at a minute’s notice and is most definitely in charge of the entire family. I would guess that Philip has more influence within the family than this film gave him credit for.

I think the dialogue was rubbish, I think the overall idea of the film was rubbish and I think some of the characterisations were rubbish. Charles for example, Tony Blair for example and even the Queen for example.

So this is the business plan: just put royalty in it and you are on a winner.

DW

24.5.07

Is It Just Me?

In my office, here at home. there are two the filing cabinets.  In those cabinets you will find all of the utility bills for the house since we moved in in 2001. Yesterday, I needed to send originals of my utility bills to a solicitor... guess what.  Only the ones that I need are not to be found.

Explain that if you can!

DW

So the other day I sang the praises of Dragon NaturallySpeaking Preferred voice recognition software saying that it was the best thing since sliced bread ... then yesterday I had a catastrophe with it. I took the laptop upstairs to print out a few files (thank you Bill Gates: network printer cannot work any more and I blame the you personally!) And when I came back the software worked really badly, really slowly. Since I was in the middle of a panic to meet a deadline I became rather stressed. Luckily I was alone and no one was here to hear my expletives. I spent an hour and a half trying to find a way to make the software work again. I thought I'd found that the sound card driver had imploded so I uninstalled it; but when I came to reinstall it ... it has gone! So I went to the website to get a replacement driver: downloaded it, installed it... it seemed to work. Then it stopped working again. So I missed a deadline (fortunately not serious and have since met it) and had to go out to meet the fair Maria! After that teaching/learning session I got back home and tried the software. Again. I was desperate, thinking that I might need to return the software, throw something through a window all ... so I slept on it. This morning I started again and took a more rational view of things and by doing so I found the solution. It helps to plug in the headphones the right way round. I should say no more, otherwise it would be embarrassing for me. Dragon NaturallySpeaking Preferred is excellent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. DW

23.5.07

Speech recognition software

I thought you needed to know about some software called Dragon naturally speaking preferred version 9. At last week's seminars one of my fellow presenters recommended that I try speech recognition software. I did. I went to Amazon.com and found this Dragon naturally speaking preferred version 9, as recommended, for about one third of the price that I found on Dragon's own web site and I am happy.

I am dictating this message using the software and I have to say it is fantastic. Of course, it needs to be tweaked as it needs to learn my accent and style of delivery but I think it's success rate at recognition is probably in the high 90%s. I have used similar software before but it's nowhere near as good as this. I can even speak fairly quickly, ie almost at normal speaking rate and it still catches up with me: there I just did that.

One reason why I bought this software is because of the repetitive strain injury I suffer from. It's not nice and now I can talk and I don't need to type. Let's see how quickly my fingers recover. Suppose the only thing to worry about is to be sitting in an airport or it coffee shop somewhere and apparently talking to myself.

DW

21.5.07

My ear and the quack

A couple of weeks ago, I got another ear infection, so I went to see my doctor, who took a look with his little implement only to confirm that yes I did have an ear infection and after a little chat he prescribed some drops for me.  So I dutifully went to the chemist's and bought the drops. I then administered them once.  Now, from time to time, I read the leaflets inside the medicine packet and that is exactly what I did on this occasion.  To my horror, I read that, in capital letters, anyone with a perforated ear drum should not administer the drops.  I called the surgery and talked to the practice manager.  I asked her to ask the doctor what I should do.  She talked to him and he called me.  I briefly outlined what he had done and he said, I didn't see a perforation.  I said I've had a perforated ear drum, since I was five years of age.  I am fairly sure that he hadn't read the letters he has received from the specialist at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, which explained my problem in medical terms, because he never mentioned them.  And if he had he would realised that my ear condition is rather serious.  Otherwise, I wouldn't be seeing the specialist.

Anyway, I asked him what I should do and he said I should call into the surgery that evening and collect another prescription.  I did that.  I was shocked though, that he didn't suggest that I called into his surgery for him to take another look at my ear for him to understand the mistake he made.  I find that shocking. It is also a shocking that I had to pay for two prescriptions, a total of more than £13 when I should only have paid for one.

DW

19.5.07

Bronzed my ...

So I got back to Blighty early yesterday morning on time and slightly refresshed after an overnight flight. I did manage to get a bulkhead seat with lots of extra leg room and slept a little bit too: maybe half of the seven flying hours.

In the bathrrom (that's the room in our house that has a bath in it!) I looked in the mirror and my bronzed visage melted into being a pale and wan visage. Ah well, bronzed Adonis look for next time then, he?

DW

15.5.07

Hari cut

I did it for the first time in the Gulf.

I have just had my hair cut here in Dubai for the first time ever. A nice job he did of it too. Sets off my, ahem, sun tan very nicely.

Speaking of tans, the hair dresser was a local young gentleman of course and my "tan" paled into insignificance next to his perfect bronze. Oh well, can't have everything and I'm off for my ten minute top up now. Notice, I have fair skin and am being exceptionally responsible over this tan. I am taking my tanning very slowly as I will have been here for three weeks by the time I leave.

DW

13.5.07

Jocks all over

Now I am half Sottish by parentage so I've no real axe to grind but I've noticed that whenever there is an English footy match on the tele there is a good chance that the summariser is a Jock.

Here I am in Dubai watching a Premiership programme and, can you believe it, the second chap in the studio summarising at half time is a Jock!

Just thought I'd say that.

DW

11.5.07

Hyphens

A simulcast!

It's getting to me: all of these hyphens, I mean. I read a lot of books and articles and cases and pamphlets and if I get my hands on an electronic copy of anything, I can spend ages getting rid of these wretched things. I find absolutely no use for hyphens except in the most rare of cases.

The latest, although quite old now, craze is the attempt to kill off the colon. That's : and not the large bowel of course.

I came across this exercise just the other day that was kindly provided by a colleague in good faith:

Insert hyphens in the following sentences, where necessary.

  1     The letter was sent by second class post.
  2     He was a very well mannered young man.
  3     Ninety two people attended the concert.
  4     The students co operated with the teacher.
  5     The Vice Principal is Ms Baker.
  6     The visitors are expected at tea time.
  7     The recreation ground is used by the local football team.
  8     John recreated the picture he saw at the art gallery.
  9     The master bedroom has an en suite bathroom.
10      Forty eight pounds is a lot to pay for a table cloth.

My answer is that NONE OF THEM requires any hyphens whatseover. End of story. Give me an A*.

I may refer to this topic again.

As a matter of interest I had a discussion with an American colleague last night and as I thought of it as we were talking I asked him why an American says to a bar maid or barista, for example, "Can I get a drink ..." His reply was revealing as he said, "I don't. I say 'May I have'". I asked him why do we hear can I get then and he said it's laziness. Well, that was good to hear. I have long said that these bad language habits (Can I get, lack of use of adverbs, poor prepositional sense ...) are confined to uneducated people and this chap is a PhD holder who clearly knows a lot better!!! I then said the other annoyance is when someone says they will "Bring that to your house ..." Erm, you mean you are already at my house? They mean TAKE that to your house of course. Another bete noir explored a little.

DW

 

Don't you just love things like this?

I saw this sign by the roadside near the hotel the other night and just couldn't resist it. It can be interpreted in a couple of ways: the one intended and a slightly impish one. It's the impish one that appeals to me.

DW

Let me join the chorus of decent people calling for whoever it is who is responsible, to return Madeleine McCann to her parents. Let Madeleine be with the ones she loves and needs: let her parents be at peace with all of their children. What you have done is to condemn a mother and a father to a lifetime of paranoia: constantly worrying whether their special little girl is safe and sound. Madeleine's parents can't live without their daughter but they can live without the uncertainty of what you are doing with and to her. Give her back. As Madeleine's mother said: they don't care how you do it, just do it quickly. You can then crawl back to where you came from where you can be happy with God's judgement when it comes. DW

9.5.07

Take the stairs

Along the lines of my smoking is bad for you outburst, I was in the lift the other day when a young chap got in and pressed the button for floor two. In my own impish way I said he should be taking the stairs. He received my comment in the spirit in which it was meant and suggested that he should.

I was only going to the fourth floor myself, of course; and could have taken the stairs myself really.

DW

Smoking, Arabic Coffee and Tanning Myself

I suppose it's a function of the ageing process. One of the delegates to my sessions this week was happily minding his own business: drinking coffee, eating a sandwich or a cake and ...SMOKING. I impudently said, 'Smoking's bad for you, you know'!

This led on to a discussion with the smoker and another smoker: they asked me if I'd ever smoked and when I said I had and said that I stopped 23 years ago they were impressed and asked me how I'd done it.

I told them that I came to hate the process. At times I freely admit that I enjoyed smoking but then got absolutely sick of it and stopped. Just like that. Never smoked again.

I also told them that I felt better within 24 hours of stopping and said, 'Just before you stop smoking, run up a flight of stairs and notice how you feel. After you have stopped smoking for just 24 hours, run up those stairs again and see how you feel now: you will notice a big difference.

I had a meal (huge, too huge) at the hotel's Lebanese restaurant last night and can recommend it. During the meal, the coffee wallah (sorry, I don't know his official title) gave me a tiny cup of Arabic coffee. I have never had Arabic coffee before and can report it is massively different from any other coffee I've ever drunk.

I'm sunning myself: now, I've got fair skin so I know I must never get sun burnt and I'm not. I'm stepping out into the sun at mid afternoon and spend between and 5 and 10 minutes a day wandering around. I am fully clad so just my hands and head are exposed. I am not sleeping on a lounger and will not burn. I'm interested to see if I can safely enbronze myself with such a regime as I am out here for a full three weeks.

DW

4.5.07

New word

Do you know what the word lipogram means? I didn't until today. Well, that's not true: I heard it years ago but then forgot then was reminded today.

Answers on a post card, please!

DW

Australians and pies and peas

You don't get this sort of information anywhere else!

Talking to an Aussie last night and I asked him for his view on the meat pie float that I'd heard about a year or so ago from another Aussie. He didn't know the term but said that I shouldn't be surprised as diet and dishes vary from area to area. He then described yet another variation on the delicacy that is pie and peas.

Take a cooked pie of your choice;

  1. remove its lid;
  2. pour in enough cooked, mushy, peas to fill the pie;
  3. put the lid back on

et la voila!

Another winner for the world of the savoury pie and the mushy pea!

DW

3.5.07

Remember Alan Ball

Some people cannot pass by without a worthy mention. I told young master Williamson just the other week that the England football team needed another Alan Ball.  As you probably know the poor little man died last week: you can now see how important he was to old sticks like me. A fantastic player, a ball of fire and a great leader.

His funeral is on Sky News as I type this  and how can I help but watch and pay my own little tribute to such a man?
 
Ave atque vale Alan
 

Duncan :-(

This made me laugh today. I was using the normal distribution curve to explain Six Sigma and had asked the audience to consider the heights of doors, people, feet sizes ... And had put a sketch of the normal distribution curve on a flip chart. I overlayed the curve with three sigma.

Hameed bemoaned the idea that his feet were beyond the line to the left of the graph: much merriment ensued!

I had to agree and said that my size 47 feet were off to the right as I find it very difficult to find them. DW

2.5.07

Sale and leaseback

Sale and Lease Back

Here is a short article on sale and leaseback: not a difficult thing to deal with so this is another example for you to add to your files.

Travelodge, the budget hotel operator controlled by Dubai International Capital has raised £128 million through a sale and lease back of 17 of its hotels.

The company operates 314 hotels, the majority of them in the UK and is selling some underlying property assets to Prestbury, the property vehicle owned by Nick Leslau.

It is the second sale and elase back deal Travelodge has signed with Prestbury. Leslau is expected to inject both packages of Travelodge properties into the £2 billion real estate investment trust he is planning to float on the London Stock Exchange.

Source: Khaleej Times 29th April 2007

Duncan Williamson

Arbitrage

Arbitrage is a business/finance word that some people have difficulties understanding so here's a good example of it.

Mr X is currently in Dubai and he has a business in Saudi Arabia. He is runnning a transport company in Saudi where the cost of Mercedes trucks has increased significantly recently. Mr X believes that the price of Mercedes trucks in Dubai can be bought at a major discount vis a vis Saudi.he says that if he can buy the truck he wants in Dubai for $10,000 less than in Saudi he will buy it. If not, he won't!

Dealing in goods and services where difference prices exist in different areas/markets is known as arbitrage.

 

Duncan Williamson

29.4.07

Hummer H2

Just thought you'd like to know that yesterday I was given a lift in a Hummer H2, erm, vehicle. Bit of a beasty that: 5.2 litre engine apparently!

DW

23.4.07

Examiners Cheating on Behalf of their Students

A simulcast.

I was called by a journalist last week who wanted to discuss the way that Britain's GCSE examiners may be behaving. He was specifically worried that the examiners who are marking our children's examination scripts are providing private tuition and behind closed doors advice to teachers and students alike.

We had a useful discussion and you can see the fruits of that discussion on the Times Ediucations Supplement dated Friday 20th April 2007: there is a story on the front page, on page 18 and there's an editorial on the subject on page 24: that editorial has the headline, Examiners should stop cheeating.

I am happy to say that this is not the end of the matter: there is to be another article on the coming Friday by another journalist from the TES. I am delighted to say that I have been able to provide some detailed evidence that is being used for this forthcoming article and I am grateful to Chris Sivewright for providing the contact details that got me and journalist in contact with each other: she sits at the desk next to last week's journalist!

I have been campaigning against the practices to which these articles relate and I am keen to see them develop further and lead to the outlawing of these grossly immoral and unprofessional activities of these unscrupulous examiners.

In case you think these examiners are not being so badly behaved then answer this question: have YOU and/or your students/children benefitted from such presentations and meetings? The chances are that you and they haven't. That means that you have automatically been disadvantaged as a result.

The second major argument concerns the fact that once an examiner says, for example, just concentrate on these 42 questions and you know automatically that the quality of education and learning have suffered. Full stop. Idle Jack will do no more and even though s/he may pass the exam, s/he will still know nothing except the answer to 42 questions. If you are happy with that then you are happy to condense 11 years of education into nothing of value.

DW

My recent ramblings

The Jay

Trips away from home are always rich experiences. Perhaps the richest was seeing my first ever Jay: a common British bird that I saw at the back of my sister's house in Halifax on Sunday. Never seen one either? Take a look at a couple of images courtesy of the British Garden Birds site:

http://www.garden-birds.co.uk/album/images/jay1.jpg
http://www.garden-birds.co.uk/album/images/jay6.jpg

The startling thing for me was its Magpie like tail: brother in law Neville, a bird spotter, tells me that Jays and Magpies are related. So no surprise there then!

MI5

This is a true story! As I was driving North on Friday they announced on the news on BBC Radio 4 that MI5 is to have a new boss, John Trympingtom Smythe Gore Blimey or some such. At the precise moment they said that (and I mean precisely, without a word of exaggeration) a Rolls Royce car with the registration number M15 DRW passed me ... spooky or a massive coincidence containing no significance whatsoever? You decide!! I didn't take a photo of it but a few weeks ago I saw a car in a car park with the registration number M15 BBC. Am I being followed? What do they want? Is it because I have just read SpyCatcher?

Scraps

I have opined on this topic before but I met a lady in Halifax and the topic turned, as surely it must, to scraps: those bits of fried batter that are a by product of the fish and chip trade. She told me that her daughter once went to their chip shop and returned with a huge bag ... fearing the worst, mother asked what daughter had done ... she'd been given the fish and chips they'd all wanted and she had been given a bonus big bag of scraps. none of this paying for them and none of this refusing to supply them! Bliss!! They call them bits in Halifax apparently. Still, a rose by any other name!

NHS Systems

This may make your hair curl. When pharmacy staff at a hospital I know of need to update the medicine records (I cannot bring myself to say medication!) because, for example, a patient is returning home or a medicine regime is being changed, the changes are entered into the computer based database and the relevant labels etc are printed off. The changes are saved as they should be and there you are. Well, actually, there you are NOT. Apparently, those changes are NOT being saved. So if there is an amendment to be made or more labels or records to be printed, the data have to be typed in again from the begnning.

What do you think about that? How much has this system cost and, more importantly now, how much are they going to cost in terms of inefficiencies and possible health consequences for the NHS's patients?

Just a few ramblings for your delight!

DW



 

19.4.07

The Apprentice

I watched The Apprentice last night: the first time I have watched the Alan Sugar version. I watched a few of Donald Trump's version and thought it was tripe.

I missed the start of the programme but was hooked by what I saw. I am pleased to reveal that as soon as I saw the person who was fired last night, I decided that she should be sacked. I felt she was like a fish out of water. I then turned over to see the follow up programme with the sacked one and she just got worse. I was reaching for the off button (NB, not the stand by button!) as she was describing her personality, how she was academically so well qualified (erm, why is that relevant in that context?) and had just said that she was 'bubbly' when I cut the power.

The thing that struck me most of all about that episode last night was how the contestants are allowing personality clashes to get in the way of just about everything they are doing.

Bubbly my @rse.

DW

The marshal of where?; spo; and Polish bus drivers

During my trip to Halifax last week I met the Marshal to the Baron de Musard: whew!

The Marshal's real name is Robert C Johnson and he runs the second hand bookshop in the Piece Hall Halifax! A chirpy Scot with a definite Scottish accent who's lived in Yorkshire for 33 years!

I asked him what he does as Marshal and was told that he's the official organiser of the Baron's weddings, christenings and funerals and such. He gets paid three bottles of Claret a year for his pains.

Hmm, impressive I thought. So I asked him how many such events he's organised so far and he said, with a grin, none!

Ah well, he must have a job before too long, surely?!

Good to meet the chap and his 37,000 books. At least he was able to sell me a copy of Gerald Durrell's My family and other animaals for my sister who's been looking for a copy for months: £2 it cost me.

Well done! You can see Robert on the internet here:
http://www.piecehall.info/ click on the link to the bookshop, funnily enough! You can find a brief history of the Piece Hall there too, starting with:

The Piece Hall was opened on 1st January 1779.  It was built as a place for handloom weavers to sell their pieces of cloth, hence the name,  and was a replacement for an earlier, smaller, Cloth Hall.

Anyone know what spo is? I haven't had any for years but I bought the ingredient last week for it and may well have some on the go before too long. Answers on a postcard or through the comment facility here!!!

All fascinating stuff isn't it?

Then there's our fantastic bus drivers. A Polish young chap told me that he's impressed by our bus drivers: they are thanked by their passengers and they are friendly and helpful. In complete contrast, he says, to the Polish bus drivers in Poland who are miserable and grisly ... unless you know different, of course; as I wouldn't like to malign anyone on the basis of a sample of the story from one!


DW

17.4.07

Warped people

A couple of years ago I said in a discussion forum that I KNEW many people in the former Soviet Union (FSU) who revered the time when Stalin was in charge. They felt, I said, that everything was better then as everything worked, the trains ran on time ...

I was then subjected to a nasty attack by people who said I should crawl back to live with those communists ... Someone pathetically said that he'd worked in an office in the USA where they put together proposals for Aid projects in the FSU so he KNEW that I was a liar. I was even threatened with violence by a student at Oxford University who said that if ever he saw me in Oxford then he and his friends would beat the sh*t out of me. In this latter case, I tracked the lad down and told him that as I worked in Oxford I was in fear of my safety and unless he withdrew that threat and apologised unreservedly I would take the appropriate legal action. He apologised.

No surprise then that I heard the story that someone (I won't name himfor fear of yet more unprovoked attacks on him or me) had said that he liked the artistic and architectrual work of some specific and named people who were Nazis or Nazi sympathisers. He was then forced to apologise because certain groups felt offended at what he had said.

Freedom of speech was something that took centuries to secure. However, there are those who clearly don't understand what it is and how it works. There are those who simply do not understand how to respect it either.

DW

Women or eels, you choose!

I have started reading a biography of Samuel Pepys and this is quoted:

He that hath a woman by the waist
Hath a wet eel by the tail

I don't necessarily agree with it. Then again I might. I merely record that I found it!!!

DW

10.4.07

Global Warming, Climate Change ... Call it what you like

Everyone knows that I read The Economist and from time to time feel that there is something worthy of sharing with everyone here: another simulcast, by the way.

You may have read or heard about how the Antarctic ice cap is melting and how that is PROOF that global warming is nigh and that we are all doomed. The article I am about to refer to says that if all the ice on Antarctica melted today (don't panic, it's not going to happen) then sea levels around the world would rise by 70 metres. In general, this message has been spread far and wide and we are being encouraged to panic because if, say, just 10% of the Antarctic ice melted then sea levels would rise by 7 metres ... Taking a very simple and linear view ... Feel free to tell me that such changes would occur exponentially, geometrically or otherwise and I'll happily concur with the proof. Although The Economist says, Even if part of that ice melted, the sea level would rise dramatically.

Moreover, the article says that of all the ice in the world, about 90% of it is on Antarctica.

It was a surprise for me to read that In much of the Antarctica so little snow falls each year that it is technically a desert. Nevertheless, the article also says that lots of snow falls in the East of Antarctica; and this means, they say, that the Eastern ice sheet is thickening at the moment although the Western ice sheet is thinning at the rate of 10cm to 1 metre a year.
 
So in addition to redressing the scare tactics of the global warming mongers who only tell us about the Western Antarctic ice sheet, the article also says So far, it looks as if the ice sheets have advnaced and retreated more than 50 times over the past 5 million years. They know this from the work being done on core samples taken from the ice sheets that allow scientists, literally, to drill back in time for many millennia.
 
My point is this, here in the UK we have had ice ages and now we haven't. In the Antarctic the ice has thickened and thinned: at the moment thickening in the East, thinning in the West. The world may be warming but I really, seriously, ask everyone to learn as much as possible before falling for all of the histrionic hype that we are all climatically doomed.
 
Yes global warming happens: it happens naturally. Yes man is pumping noxious substances into the atmosphere at an alarming rate: it should stop. The Al Gore film you might have seen, whose title I can never remember, has done more damage to the global warming crusade in my opinion than one excess tonne of carbon emissions. Anyone who watches that film and falls for his nonsense is guilty of the sin of having fallen asleep in their maths lessons and statistics lessons when they were around 14 years of age. Yes, in my opinion, Al Gore is using the maths and stats of the 14 year old to strengthen an argument that in my opinion is not as strong as such people would have us believe.
 
In conclusion: stop burning and using fossil fuels as a matter of routine for all our sakes, not just to feed this global warming frenzy. Stop driving around in a car with just one occupant: walk when you can, too. Turn lights off that you don't need. Do you really need an air conditioner in your house or office ... really need? Switch it off when it's not vitally necessary. Do you buy processed and pre packaged food and other items where that packaging serves not functional purpose? Stop buying it. Recycle where you can.
 
I have changed many light bulbs in my house from incandescent to energy saving and now spend just one sixth on them compared to before; and before you say that these new bulbs cost the earth, not at Home Base they don't. I work from home and told one client who wanted me in the office every day that I would continue to do stay at home as much as possible as I was wasting as much as £50 worth of petrol a week to fend off his loneliness: that's around 35 litres of petrol a week I saved. I am a lacto ovo vegetarian and because of that and because I buy loads of fresh fruit and veg, my packaging needs are tiny. When I am alone, I need my rubbish collecting no more than once a month. I recycle my plastic, paper and glass: they don't recycle card board where I live. In addition,once I learned that it could be costing me £1 a week to leave my television on standy by I switch it off at the set every time I go out or go to bed or stop watching it. I also know from carrying out a simple experiment that my laptop uses a lot of electricity when it's in stand by mode
 
Finally, please read State of Fear by Michael Crichton: it's a novel with some very useful and fascinating information on global warming and climate change. Really well worth reading as he takes the same stand point as me: man is a nuisance because he is doing lots of stupid things with the planet. However, he says, just look at the hype carefully please: you will be shocked at what he tells you. Your mind will, however, be better balanced as a results. The story in the novel is enjoyable too so that's an energy effiicient book to boot! You can read my review of this book here http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/cri.html although I have just found out that the graphics linked to the page have suddenly stopped working ... I'll find the cause and cure it!
 
 
Duncan
 
 
 
 
 



9.4.07

How the other 0.0000001% lives

You will not be able to empathise with what you are about to read but it's true!

There is a phrase in English, 'How the other half lives'. I have now invented a new phrase, 'How the other 0.000001% lives: that's an estimate, by the way.

He's 20 years old and his father has set up a credit card and concierge service for him. He did this one day: please have a Rolls Royce taxi outside my house in ten minutes time, the driver must speak xxxxxxx and I want to go to xxx restaurant. I will return home at xx:xx. It happened.

He then decided on this: round the world trip taking seven days. The aeroplane alone cost £30,000 A DAY and it was hired for the lad and his girlfriend. He went to Paris, Rome, Madrid, California, China ...

You can imagine the rest.

The father is a billionaire from a well known for soviet block country.

DW

8.4.07

The Quiz that was Fixed

As promised, here is the story of the quiz that was fixed. Not exactly on the same scale as the recent scandal surrounding premium telephone number scams on ITV but shocking nonetheless.

Spent some time with a South African chap and his wife and the last night we were together in our favourite bar he was approached by one of the waiting staff who invited him to complete the entry card for the evening's quiz. The question was on the ongoing world cup cricket being played out in the West Indies. This is the shocking part, he didn't know the answer but was told that he shouldn't worry as he's won anyway.

What?! A fixed pub quiz?

They helped him with the answer and he pushed his card through the slot of the box holding the other entry.

After a while, one of the other waiting staff said that Wendy, waitress one, was calling his name down at the other end of the room. She came down to our end and presented the "winner" with his prize: a rather large box of packets of instant noodles! Phew!

Corruption in low places! No offence!!

DW

7.4.07

Television today

Radio 4 went to Blackpool and Morecambe this week and as part of the programme they did they talked to someone whose name I missed but he said something profound and maddeningly true.

In the old days, talented people used to appear on television so that ordinary people could be entertained and informed in their homes.

Today the ordinary people are on the television while the talented people are at home.


That sums up the modern obsession with this ridiculous celebrity TV nonsense I am constantly avoiding now.

DW

Orang Utan Nonsense

Who are these ridiculous people they put on the telly?
 
I caught the second half of tonight's programme on BBC 1 on Orang Utans. They are following the work of an Orang Utan sanctuary in Borneo where they find baby OUs and so on and rehabilitate them then release them into the wild.
 
So this goofy woman took a baby OU for a walk through the trees and she was AMAZED when the OU climbed a tree. How did it know what to do?, she asked.
 
Then they came across a fully grown OU that had spent its life in a cage, poor thing. They released it into the wild immediately and then went back for a look see the following day. This woman was ASTONISHED to see the thing up a tree behaving as if it had been living there all of its life.
 
I'm sorry, woman, but these are wild creatures and they just know these things: sheep dogs know how to look after sheep without being told; snakes know how to eat mice without being told and turtles born on a beach with nary a mother nor a midwife anywhere near, know that they need to get into the sea and then do their business.
 
Can they put more intelligent people on these programmes? People who are neither AMAZED nor ASTONISHED when wild animals do what wild animals are meant to do.
 
DW

6.4.07

True story

How about this for a bit of nannyism?

Mr X was shopping at Tesco and when he was asked at the check out whether he wanted the vouchers for schools. He said no but the lady behind him in the queue could have them. That lady declined so the check out operator pointed at someone in another queue and said he could give them to her.

Mr X replied, 'Look at what's in her trolley. I'm not giving the vouchers to anyone who can buy that rubbish.'

I kid you not!!

DW

4.4.07

Vienna

So, I was in Vienna airport yesterday and because I had around five hours to kill I wanted to use their CAT train to get to the city sentre within 16 minutes. The instructions were entirely in German so found it a challenge. A knight in shining armour coming towards me: a member of the local constabulary.

Me:     Sorry, do you speak English?

Plod:   (Head goes down, pace of walking increases) Nein! (Walks off!)

That sorted that then.

I wandered on and found two more machines nearer the station but neither of them worked so I took it as my cue that I shouldn't bother. So I didn't. Pity; but I'll go next time!

DW

Dubai Story Two: Tarts in a Bar II The South African in our party had been with his wife and parents in law to an Indian Restaurant a few months ago and they said we'd enjoy the experience as it was fascinating. We went: he, his wife, the news reader, the psychologist and me. Excellent food. Horrendously loud singing all night from two men and a woman. An enthusiastic backing group too. Some catchy tunes but all of the songs were all in Hindi or Urdu so following the lyrics was a challenge. Then around a dozen very attractive ladies paraded onto the stage in a line: none was ugly and some were stunning beauties and all from the sub continent. The singer called out three names at a time and those three girls would remain on stage and would then dance, almost in time to the music, for the duration of a song. Then they would call another three girls to do the same. And so it went on. Then a chav approached the front of the stage and threw what looked like a fistful of business cards all over the stage. A man went onto the stage and swept them all up. Our psychologist announced that he knew which of the girls was sleeping with which singer!!! More singing and dancing and the odd bout of business card throwing. We all cackled at the thought that we were in with a chance with our favourite young lady ... usual man's rubbish talk. The news reader announced that he was in love and so was his chosen one. At some stage we started referring to her, perhaps uncharitably. as number 19. The South African sought out the owner of the bar and asked what was going on: who were the girsl, what was the chav doing (he had the baseball cap with the sinble biggest nib you've ever seen, by the way!) by flinging the cards ... The girls were ladies of the night and in order to spend some time with one, you had to remain there until the show was over and you had to throw your card onto the stage generally and one or even more of the girls would call you to arrange a date. Alternatively, throw your cards at your favoured girl, let's say number 19 for example; and if she liked the look of you she would call you. Good food and good company and the girls were lovely but we left at a commodious hour and as alone as when we arrived. DW
So I've done another successful stint and then in a hair raising dash to somewhere else to present a three day Train the Trainers workshop that went well too I believe. I am going to give you a few stories from that trip that include
  • Tarts in a bar I
  • Tarts in a bar II
  • The quiz that was fixed
  • It's only 16 minutes to Central Vienna ... Oh no it's not
  • Thick with dust Tarts in a Bar I

There were seven or eight workshop leaders this time and one wife of a trainer. We went out for the evening to a bar/restaurant near the airport: eat all you can, drink all you can ... I think Lions would have been over faced by the amount of meat on offer to be honest. Veggies like me had little to choose apart from their glorious puddings. There really was an endless bar too but that was of no interest to me either. So I was happy with the ambiance and the company: apart from the loud and outrageously gay men on the table next to ours. Why do these kinds of gays have loud and lispy voices and mouths the size of the Channel Tunnel? Trouble is, although we were there until late, so were they!

There was a grump bucket in our party, sitting next to me of course, who tried to get me to leave with him at 11 pm. Not that he's gay, just that he wasn't enjoying himself and being far too tight to pay the entire £5 taxi fare, wanted someone to share it with. I stayed and so did he: like a cat on hot bricks he was too. There was a mainstream psychologist in our party and at times like that, it's best to put on a brave face on your personality can be laid bare once you've left the room. Wonder what he really thought about me? Paranoid perhaps?

Anyway, everyone left apart from three of us: we decided to go to the bar next door for a night cap and I had my first alcohol of the evening there: a pint of lager type stuff. The room was wall to wall ladies of the night with the saddest collection of flabby, old, foreign men I have ever seen. The girls were all in clumps of Russians, Chinese, Filippinos and others. One or two were very attractive but others were aggressive, not so pretty and were smoking like chimneys.

One young man found a very pretty young thing to dance with him but as he listed first to port and then to starboard, she resisted his attempts to maul here. I suppose he felt he was being amorous and as he might be a paying customer, it was fine by him. She clearly wanted his business but not his advances and whilst she left him soon after that eposide, she did go back to him but his neck was still listing at 45 degrees from the vertical so she left again.

One of our party declared he was in love and she was in love with him: the news reader we called him as he reminded us of a news reader from BBC World! The psychologist gave us a running commentary on what was happening hither and yon and I was eagle eyed at never having been in such a situation before.

The newsreader was in no fit state to test his hypothesis although I did try to teach him a few key phrases in Russian so that he could communicate with his would be paramour but his mouth lost consciousness! So we left and headed back to the hotel with the place still heaving: we had to pay to get in too but that included a free drink.

The news reader staggered from the car to the hotel with, believe it or believe it not, one of his leather flip flop type sandals on back to front. A miracle! You try it!! He headed off to the bar for yet another night cap astonishingly and he did make it to his 9 o'clock start seven and a half hours later.

See next messages for further instalments!

DW

The cheesemakers have arrived

Remember the Monty Python team lauding the cheesemakers? Blessed are the cheesemakers they said: Life of Brian, wasn't it?

Now, you might not believe it but it's true: there are two web sites that will allow you, I kid you not, to watch a cheese maturing in the way that it is sometimes said to be more interesting to watching paint dry or grass to grow or listening to a coffin warping.

Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVMt9ECdOjA (this is time llapsed and is over very quickly) and http://lbx.cheddarvision.tv/ as far as I can tell this is real time television on the web. At the time of writing the cheese has spent 103 days and seven and a half hours maturing.

Ifyou're mad enough you could even find out about the cheese making going on over in Ambridge as Oliver and Helen try to come up with their own brand new cheese from the milk from Oliver's dairy herd.

It's all go isn't it!

DW

25.3.07

Steve McLaren

Steve McLaren as the England football manager. Now let it be said again that he shouldnever have been appointed to the job. They shouldn't call him head coach: head case more like.

It's dreadful to have been proven prophetic in a case like this but I was right and he will go next week if England fails to rout Andorra: let drew 0:0 with Israel last night and that's another team they should have routed.
 
DW



Stupidity don't you think?

Correction the doomsday clock is at five minutes to midnight at the moment, 24th March 2007.


DW

24.3.07

Stupidity don't you think?

Let me tidy up that last post.

There is something in economics and finance called the efficient markets hypothesis that contains a massive get out clause for the wary amateur: don't expect sudden changes in the prices in the stock markets because you think there ought to be. The efficient market has probably already taken account of everything you and I can imagine.

So how stupid then that as a result of the holding of those 15 Bitish servicemen by Iran:

Oil prices have risen to their highest level this year after 15 British navy personnel were seized at gunpoint by Iranian forces in the Gulf.
(See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6485529.stm)

So a raging inferno is about to unfold? Universal conflagration? I don't think so.

End of that rant. New rant.

Now, what about that doomsday clock: currently set at seven mintues to midnight. Midnight represents armageddon. Now isn't that stupid? They initialluy set the clock around 60 years ago at a stupidly late place on the dial and every times something happens such as a Middle East crisis and global warming, the panic everyone into thinking armageddon is imminent. They out to have set it at around 2 am in my opinion and even now it should be no later than around 2:30 pm.

Who are these clowns?

DW

20.3.07

Scaps III: reminder

Finally! Older readers will remember that for my fiftieth birthday I was taken by my family to Harry Ramsden's original fish and chip extravaganza near Leeds as I'd asked for an experience that I could have enjoyed on the day of my birth. Fish and chips at Harry Ramsden's filled the bill.

The point is, that I asked for and got scraps with my dinner. Not just scraps but an entire plate of scraps all to myself. A side plate of scraps indeed. I must have a photo of them somewhere if Bill Gates didn't do for it when he did for the laptop I used to own!

Ah scraps! Are they really illegal now? If they are, no wonder we lost an empire.

DW

Scraps II: the sequel

Well, I'm shocked. Hot on the trail of my recent expose on scraps, as in chips and scraps, I have found an article on the web with the heading, This is 'Ull (This is Hull!) and in it they reveal the demise of scraps in that fine Northern city but they also reveal the shockng truth that scraps were on sale there too. More than that, just listen to this:

"Scraps have also been a popular tool for bartering with the local prostititutes. As elderly resident Arthur Handmill says : I remember when you could get a decent bit of how's- your- father for two shillings and a scrap buttie."

Now it may be that this article was initially published on 1st April so it might all be a bit of codology (pun intended ... chips shops ... fish ... cod and chips ... codology ... oh, forget it!) but just imagine that it's true. The suffereing we would have gone through if we'd had to pay. Then again, the affections of a young lady for the price of two bob and a mere scrap buttie!!!

Take a look for yourself at http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thisisull.com/humour/img/scraps.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thisisull.com/humour/hullnews1.html&h=164&w=140&sz=6&hl=en&start=23&tbnid=1A09l5G92yCgBM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=84&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchips%2Band%2Bscraps%26start%3D18%26ndsp%3D18%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

You'll see a photo of some scraps there too: nostalgia!

DW

 

Scraps

Now, I imagine that many of you have never had scraps, as in chips and scraps. I bet that even fewer of you have had scraps and pea gravy. They were the stuff of life in a small Northern English town of the 1960s when we used to frequent the chip shop once or twice a week.
 
Now that I am inhabiting the nancy South of England, scraps are hard to come by. I am using a Chinese chip shop in Bicester at the moment and not only are their chips good by Southern standards but they serve huge portions: one bag of chips being enough for two or three people. Seriously, try it! Anyway, every time I go in I mention the scraps and am told they don't keep them. I then wax lyrical about them and am working on the outcome that one day they will relent and serve me with some scraps.
 
Someone in that chip shop told me last week that when they got scraps at their local chippy, they had to pay for them. Canyou believe that? Not me! As demonstrated by the Chinese, they are a waste product and the way they got into a bag of chips when I were a lad is that they were dumped into a container at the end of the frying range to be emptied into the bin once full. However, if anyone asked for scraps with their fish and chips, they got them ... FREE OF CHARGE. If no one asked for them, they were wuzzed.
 
I let it be known last week that scraps with pea gravy was a delicacy that impudent people like us used to ask for from time to time: again, completely free of charge even though they were served in a bag as in bag of chips! How about that: take a small ladle of liquid from the pan of mushy peas and add them to a bag of scraps? Marvellous! Beats chicken tikka marsala any day. I love curries, too, of course; but the old tastes can't be beaten.
 
DW
 
 

19.3.07

Oatcakes

If you are not Scottish or someone who likes oats, you may not appreciate oatcakes.

I am half Scottish by blood and I love oatcakes. For years I have wanted to have a go at making my own oatcakes and coming across a packet of oatmeal in the supermarket today I decided to give it a go and I am extremely glad I did.

I have eaten half of the batch of oatcakes I made with cheese and they are fantastic. I have to confess that I ate them with Brie: Somerset Brie, that is! I like the oatcakes that are sold in the shops but mine were outrageously good.

Well done Rose Elliot for including the recipe in her book!

DW

17.3.07

Accounting Information System

There are times when one simulcast in a day just isn't enough; but both of my blogee communities need to know the following.
 
Late last year I was contacted by a publisher in the USA asking for my permission for an author of theirs to use something from my duncanwil web site. They showed me what they wanted to use and I agreed. I didn't ask for payment, of course, but did ask for a copy of the book when it came out and yesterday it arrived!
 
Go to pages 26-27 and 28 to see what pearls they have used from my page http://www.duncanwil.co.uk/code.htm
 
By the way, this is not the first time that page has been used. A very famous academic accountant, Germaine Groer, borrowd the same page a couple of years ago and said to me that it was the best thing he'd read on coding for accountants anywhere. It also led to a very good friend of mine from over 25 years ago getting back in touch as he was looking for things on coding for some training he was doing. We chatted by email for a while and then I had my monster computer crash and I lost his email address ... Barry Clayton, please write again!!
 
Anyway, the book is by Robert L Hurt and is called Accounting Information Systems: basic concepts and current issues, published by McGraw-Hill Irwin ISBN 978-0-07-319555-1. I'm not sure when it will be generally available and I will review it on my duncawil site in a week or so, all being well. I have skimmed it already and it contains some very nice features.
 
DW

Putt's Law

Simulcast again. This time to announce that I've just heard of Putt's Law:
 
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.

DW

11.3.07

MENSA here I come

It's official, I'm really smart!
 
Well, you knew that anyway but now it's official!
 
When I was a late teenager, I bought a few IQ test books and found that my IQ varied according to those tests from 120 - 170. Of course, those tests weren't entirely reliable and although I tried to be honest, I'm sure I tweaked things a bit from time to time. So, let's discount the outliers from my scores: my IQ was probably nearer 170 than 120.
 
OK, OK, that's a joke, it's highly likely to be at or near 120.
 
Today I read a newsletter that sent me to someone's web site that took me to the MENSA pre membership entry test and I scored 80%. They told me I am probably eligible to be a MENSA member.
 
Thought you'd like to know that.
 
DW

7.3.07

The petrol saga

I managed to get some petrol yesterday morning so was able to complete my journey to Bicester.

I know you'd want to know!

DW

6.3.07

Petrol, what petrol?

My petrol tank was at a low ebb this morning so I needed to get it replenished first thing. No problem, things like that happen.

However, I got to the Esso station ... No petrol. I went round the corner to the Tesco station ... No petrol. I couldn't face getting embroiled in the queues to get to the BP station, so I worked from home today.

I will go out shortly to see what the story is now but modern Britain, eh?

DW

5.3.07

The best laid plans of ... me!

So I decided the other day to resurrect my tapes and play them in the car. I selected my favourites and carefully laid them on the front passenger seat ready for use. I would have organised them a bit better once I'd thought about how I could do that.

Then on the A34 on way to Bicester for the first time in goodness knows how many weeks or even months, I had to slow down all of a sudden. So you are being treated to what's left of the before and the definite after ... on the floor scatterd as you can see!

Why does one bother?

DW

4.3.07

How was it for you? Did you make an effort to see the first lunar eclipse for over three years?

I did and I took a picture of it with my phone camera and I was astonished to find that the picture turned out rather well. As you can see here.

I took the picture a few minutes after totality.

DW