Inane questions

I know you’ll think I’m off my chump for saying things like this but I do wonder at where all of these changes to our language and business etiquette are leading.

 

The insurance company just called me to book a telephone interview with me and I was asked a few security and other questions. Fine, but note what else they said

 

She:       For security purposes, can you confirm you date of birth, please?

Me:        xx/xx/xxxx

She:       Brilliant!

 

She:       I will need to know who the last person was who drove the vehicle: was that yourself?

 

My questions are:

 

Why was my answer to the question about my date of birth brilliant?

Why was asked if it was myself who was the last person to drive my car ... was it YOU is what I would have asked.

 

DW

Not normally political

I’m not normally political in this blog but those French do gooders who are now in jail in Chad after attempting to kidnap loads of children from Chad deserve all they get.

 

I find looking at a man with a pony tail a bit of a trial so when I saw one of those do gooders with a sculpted beard and a pony tail I thought, just what do they think they are doing roaming the world looking like that and thinking that they have the right to take others’ children because they think they are better than the children’s parents and family?

 

The story seems to be that the children were being “rescued” from potential misery and death in Darfur in the Sudan. We were also led to believe that the children were orphans. It turns out that very few of the children are orphans and their parents say they were duped into letting their children go.

 

Can you imagine what you would feel like if someone took it into their silly little pony tailed head (on women pony tails can look very attractive!) that they knew best and took your child or children for a life with them in another country to which you will probably never have access ... ? Ask the McCanns and other deprived parents what that feels like.

 

Now there are even more do gooders who are bleating that these people should serve their sentences in France and that some of the sentences were too harsh. Send them to France and they could well be released early. President Sarkozy has already interfered in two such cases since he became President and no doubt these people are waiting for him to hop off to Chad too.

 

Let them rot in Chad, I say and let them think carefully before they do something as stupid again.

 

DW

Further car issue

So, after having slashed two tyres and then waiting for me to buy a new battery, the bleeders have stolen my car. I got back home last night from my first visit to Turf Moor in years and left the car in its usual spot outside the house. When I got up this morning I saw a space where the car should have been.

 

The Plods are on the case and I’m waiting for action from the insurance company now.

 

What do I think of these people? Can’t say in polite society.

 

DW

Drinking top tip

This is not original but it might be a timely reminder for many but possibly too late for others.

 

If you want to open a bottle of wine, make sure you have a corkscrew available.

 

The lovely bottle of wine Dima brought to the Xmas dinner table will be opened today, Boxing Day. Andrew had brought some wine and Guinness so he saved the day as no corkscrew was needed for either of them!

 

DW

Just Rubbish

Have you ever read something that you think have an understanding of only to find yourself thinking that this is just rubbish? Welcome to an article by Robert Scapens of Manchester University.

 

The article is entitled Understanding management accounting practices: a personal journey and it was published by the British Accounting Review in 2006.Scapens went on to be awarded a life time achievement award by the British Accounting Association.

 

Scapens has been around for a long time and in an article around 20 years or so ago I put in a bit about him and his ideas but got no response.

 

The bottom line is that the work that Scapens does falls under the heading of management accounting but  I have yet to find any understanding of the subject in anything he has written. He blows the gaff on himself in his own article when he admits that he arrived at Manchester University many years ago as an accountant with no knowledge or understanding of business and management accounting. I think nothing has changed.

 

That article was utter drivel and as it was presented as some kind of key note address I am thankful that I wasn’t in the audience.

 

Sorry to be so personal but I wasted an hour or so reading the wretched article!

 

DW

A trip to Manchester city centre

A trip to Manchester city centre: my first since around 1992 ... not 25 - 30 years as I said before.

Here are a few images of what I saw in Manchester yesterday.

	Want to make some money at a German style Christmas Market? Grill a shed load of sausages then
	Here is that Santa Claus on the Town Hall ... 150,000 light bulbs I think there are!
	The London Eye? Nope, the Manky Eye! Forgive the pun ... unless you are a Manchester United supporter, of course!
	Here’s a photo of the statue of Oliver Heywood: philanthropist and that, born in Manchester

There are two other key ways to make money at such markets:

Sell beer and mulled wine (this attracts the most customers)

Sell cakes (eg stollen) (this is the third most lucrative venture)

DW

Swamp the country with them

When I lived and worked in Malawi in the late 1980s and early 1990s, I realised that a good strategy would be to help out the country by doing things like swamping it with Lego sets and Meccano sets and so on. I suggested that because I was finding that even some of my smartest students have visual and spatial awareness problems. I concluded that if they had been encouraged to think in the abstract from an early age, it would help.

 

The idea is a big one: swamp the entire country with these resources. Firstly, that would mean that they would have no resale value. I was well aware that the recipients of aid sometimes sold what they were given either because they needed the money for something else or they didn’t want what was being given to them. So, by swamping the market, the resale value would be very low. Secondly, I didn’t think that any one group should be privileged when another one wasn’t, so no favouritism or attempts at setting up a hierarchy of needs.

 

That never happened, of course, because the aid agencies weren’t smart enough to think like that.

 

On another topic but still in Malawi, I also once suggested to a chap from the Food and Agricultural Organisation of the United Nations that they set up a training scheme whereby they train local people to use ploughs to help them with their maize and other plots. Immediately, this goon came back with the problem of financing and maintaining the Oxen they would need. I have to say I couldn’t make him see that they didn’t need Oxen to drive the simple plough that I was talking about and that Piers the Ploughman had used in Medieval England! I walked away from him in the end as I couldn’t stand to think that this oaf was responsible for so much misery with his ridiculous ideas. It’s still the case that the FAO gives away mountains of food aid when what people need as much as anything is the wherewithal to feed themselves. Of course, I realise that there are problems with teaching a man to fish ...

 

Now, what got me on to all of this? Well, I talked about this sort of thing to one of my neighbours the other week and today he brought me an article from The Halifax Evening Courier of 5^th December 2007 in which it says that Bart Spicer of Sowerby Bridge is trying to convince all 17,500 primary schools in the UK will buy and use a product from Holland called Brickadoo ... which is a building toy comprising bricks and so on similar to Lego but with significant differences ...

 

Yet again, you heard it here first! Well Done Bart, of course.

 

DW

 

Soupy top tip

When eating soup and using a laptop computer, don’t spill the soup onto the keyboard.

Please note, this hasn’t happened to me: Suzy inspired this top tip. Suzy revealed this top tip during a posting in the discussion on a Word forum.

Thanks Suzy!

DW

Revision of top tip

When I published my previous top tip relating to refraining from driving or riding over broken glass, what I didn’t realise was that my flat tyre on Saturday morning was linked to the flat tyre on Monday morning. Some really clever low life put a knife through them ... and my neighbour’s tyre.

 

Oh these so smart people. Cost me £160 that and I can only hope it stops.

 

DW

Named after

Those clowns at the BBC have now had Peter Snow use some AmerEnglish in the answer to a question in BBC Radio 4’s Brain of Britain programme: something was “... named for Mr X ...” In proper English that means that something was named AFTER Mr X. I’m surprised that Snow actually read it out too.

DW

Top Tip

Here’s yet another top tip for you.

Don’t drive any one of the wheels of your car (or bike or even aeroplane) over broken glass.

Still, repairing the puncture got me out of the house at least.

DW

Congratulations!

Dear Mike,

 

I am a convert. I have to confess that when you first appeared I thought, hmm, another American making money out of the misery of others. Nothing to say but platitudes and setting yourself against George W because he’s an easy target.

 

Having just watched Sicko I wanted to write to you to say that I was wrong. I was amused and amazed by Sicko, you brought tears to my eyes at times as you took those unfortunate 9/11 heroes to Cuba. I was stunned at how even in the US people are effectively being denied some of their human rights.

 

I have to say I wasn’t surprised at how senators and congressmen and a president had been bought by the pharmaceutical industry: I am surprised at nothing these people do any more; but good for you for having the gall to tell us what has really happened.

 

I am a Brit and I was proud of the way you portrayed the NHS. There are problems with the NHS of course but they pale into insignificance when set against what is happening in the US.

 

This letter is going on my blog and I will be watching what you do from now on. I am saddened by the realisation that I have missed so much of what you have had to say. The good news is, though, that I can catch up now.

 

Best wishes

 

 

 

Duncan Williamson

 

AmerEnglish Logo

I've developed an AmerEnglish Logo: it's all my own work and whilst I have put a copyright sign on them, you are free to use the logos providing you don't alter the diagrams or the copyright statement in any way. The logo is a stylised representation of a baseball cap in case it isn't obvious!

Shhhhhh ...

It’s happening more and more, that shibboleth issue.

 

I wrote a few days ago about how BBC reporters and news readers are now pronouncing the letter ‘s’ in the style of someone from certain parts of the USA. For example, I pointed out that we can hear street rather than street. Here’s a new one:

 

Mark Mardell, that unkempt and rather rotund BBC Europe correspondent had now gnarled the letter ‘s’ in the other way that Americans use: he said expertise in a recent report but he pronounced it as experteece. When he comes out with massooce as opposed to masseuse, then I will switch off BBC News for ever.

 

I still ask, who is taking the decision that reporters and news readers should speak like this and when and how are they taking the decision? I want to talk to whoever it is.

 

Still, it could be worse: they could have reportser and readers wearing baseball caps at a raunchy angle couldn’t they/

 

Finally, I am not anti American at all: rather I am anti the AmerEnglish that is becoming more widely used by the BBC and many others in the UK.

 

DW

Capello for England ... for a while

Even I was surprised by the immediate twist that the Capello for England story has taken on DAY ONE. I read in The Times yesterday that the bookmakers have already opened a book on whether the latest England football manager will still be in the job in a year from now.

 

Who are these people? With Steve McClown, we ALL knew that someone who has never achieved anything greater than mid table premiership success and whose personality is clearly far from ideal as a go ahead world beater would fail.

 

Apology

 

I have to make a correction in McClown’s favour too: I simply repeated a headline from a couple of weeks ago that McClown was England’s worst ever manager. That was wrong and I was wrong to repeat it. Kevin Keegan is the worst England manager ever, with a win rate of just 39%. McClown was at least 10% better than that and he didn’t even come in as second worst!

 

DW

The new England Football Manager

I’m sure I read somewhere that following the demise of that oaf Steve McClaren, the English Football Association was going to have a root and branch review and look far and wide for a new manager of the England football team. Well, all of about three weeks later they’ve got their man. Astonishingly fast workers these people at the FA. Why astonishing? Well, since we won the World cup in 1966 we’ve hardly been that blessed with success have we? The found McClown in about three days. Don’t give me semi finals here and quarter finals there because we all know a lot of that level of success has come in the usual England fashion as other teams fell by the wayside and England squeaked through.

 

I don’t know the gentleman replacing Mr McClown but he simply cannot be any worse. After all, it was written that McClown is the worst England manager ever: perhaps the fact that they called him the Coach rather than the manager was the start of his downfall? We need to worry too now that Sven Goran Eriksson is doing so well at Manchester City after such a lousy time as the England Manager (or was he the Coach as well?). Again, someone will point out the number of wins and semi finals and such ... the truth is, the England team cannot play proper football and whatever the results said, we were not happy with the style under Sven any more than the quality under McClown.

 

The England team is filled with players who have no idea of team work: no idea of how to work out ON THE PITCH how to cope with a situation they weren’t expecting. I don’t want to hear people like Gerrard and Lampard telling us that they’d die for their captain John Terry when they patently will not die for their fans. I watch every England game and say the same thing every time: where is the new Alan Ball to hound his team mates? Why can’t we have someone like Roy Keane who gave his all every game, albeit for Scabchester United? Look at Scotland the other week against world champions Italy, they fared very well I thought and I was sorry they lost.

 

I overhead Peter Reid as we boarded a flight to Dubai from Manchester just after the Croatia debacle say that he felt he could play better than half the England team even now. At least they could give it a go, he then said. Everyone within earshot nodded at that. Reid caught our mood exactly.

 

I’ve said it before and let me say it again: a dead Brian Clough and an aged Jack Charlton would be preferable to someone like McClown. Never again, please; and if this new gentleman proves that success with England is still not a possibility then these people at the top of the English FA must do the decent thing and beggar off themselves. I for one would go down to Lancaster Gate and suggest such a thing if they can’t think of it for themselves.

 

DW

I didn't know

You know I’m in Khartoum. I’m staying at a very run down Hilton Hotel: it’s being refurbished now and it clearly hasn’t been redecorated since the 1970s. My room overlooks the Blue Nile and the view is lovely.

 

I’ve been busy and haven’t had time for sight seeing so I decided to make the most of my last evening here and set off for the Mogran ... the confluence of the White and Blue Nile. I walked and thought better of it even though I knew it was near the hotel. I didn’t want to walk into any nonsense but couldn’t see the White Nile although I knew where I was vis a vis the Blue Nile.

 

I back tracked to the taxi I had seen earlier and bold as brass got into the taxi even though I could tell by the driver’s body language that he really didn’t want to take me. We set off. He laughed when I tried to put on the seat belt and failed. It jammed half way out so I told him to be careful and he laughed again as if he understood! His driving skills were, erm, limited. We went to a very busy intersection and he asserted himself. Still, we survived and apart from being overtaken by the most appalling looking taxi apart from the one I was in, the very short journey was then uneventful. We got to Al Mogran Family Park and the driver accompanied me to the ticket office (that is NOT the box office). It cost me two Sudanese Pounds to get in and I asked the ticket seller to ask the taxi driver to wait but again I sensed something akin to reluctance. I’m afraid I ignored the driver's plea and strode on. Well, I might have been wrong and he laughed again once I got back and tried to put the seat belt on again.

 

Just as I got right to the end of the park I was despairing of ever seeing the White Nile let alone the confluence. All of a sudden, there it was. The sight that the vast majority of people on this planet have never seen: where the two Nile rivers meet. I started taking snaps. Bill Gates came in for some stick as my camera (Windows operating system I’m afraid) hung twice. Anyway, I took around 10 – 15 pictures and was happy.

 

Then a policeman came up to me and opined not to take photographs. I apologised and moved on: to leave the park. I had been careful especially not to include any women in my pics. Half way towards the exit I heard someone shouting and thought, that’s for me. I ignored it and walked briskly on but they caught up with me. The Policeman and a colleague. I was told to accompany them. I did. We met up with three more men, all in plain clothes and they exchanged a few words including camera, photographs, video.

 

The two original men left and I was told to follow the new three and they took me into a room and made me sit. I pondered at my plight at this stage. I offered to delete all the pics but was advised to sit down after which I said nothing. Their English was about equal to my Arabic. They took my name and nationality and since I didn’t have my passport with me, couldn’t hand that over. Then they looked at every photo in my phone/camera and after a discussion during which I got the impression that hard cop wanted me in the cells whilst good cop wanted me to go free, they let me go free. They handed back my phone and one said in English that to take photographs there I needed a permit but I was OK this time.

 

I apologised and said I didn’t know. I shook all three hands and left. They hadn’t deleted any of my pics and I was grateful for that.

 

I wonder what they made of the photograph of one of my socks drying out on the top of a lamp shade? You can have a copy if you want

 

DW

Boastful?

Was I too boastful in my post of yesterday when I told you how I solved my flights to Dubai problem at Schipol? Well maybe as there was a pay off: my suitcase didn’t arrive at Khartoum International Airport with me. Given my time of arrival, I have not been able to go and get any replacement clothes, deodorant, shaving tackle ...

 

It pays to keep one’s mouth shut.

 

DW

 

 

World Accountancy Week

Did you know that last week was World Accountancy Week The week was organized as part of the International Federation of Accountant’s 30th anniversary activities: it ran from 2^nd – 8^th December 2007.

 

I don’t know what mega event took place where you are ...

 

DW

Travelling again

I can be like the rest of us: a sheep in the flock of the airlines. Last night, however, was different.

 

I am currently on my way to Khartoum and was starting my trip with British Airways in Amsterdam. I get to airports early when I am in charge of my arrangements and had a fellow traveller with me who is equally keen to start his journeys early: Dr John Waterhouse, a fellow Tyke. John’s flight to Gatwick was scheduled for 1850, mine to Heathrow at 1915. John’s flight took off on schedule. I then went to go to my gate to find the flight had been set back to 2015 ... strong winds over the UK. I harrumphed, of course; but that wasn’t serious as there was some slack in my itinerary.

 

I ate a slice of pizza and had a coffee.

 

I then saw that my flight had been set back even further, to 2100. That was far too tight for my comfort so I took a decision, having found that KLM was flying to Dubai, the second leg on my four leg journey, to try to be transferred to the KLM flight.

 

I went to the KLM transfer desk to establish the principle of what I wanted to do. I was advised that I would need to buy a new ticket. Yeah, right, I thought! I went for a LONG walk as I went back through passport control and back to the BA check in desk, the only place where I could find any BA staff. The young ladies there were enjoying a slack Friday evening as I arrived and they initially tried to convince me that I should wait to see what happens. I set out a nightmare scenario of the flight being delayed yet again, by as little as just 20 minutes ... and at that point they called someone which led me to being sent 30 metres across the hall to see a man about ticketing. I was expected. I got some griff about not travelling tonight, we will rebook you for travel tomorrow ... I said I’ve got connections to make and he made the valid point that as far as BA was concerned, my journey ended in Dubai. I then said, not for me it doesn’t. I then told my man that KLM has a flight going to Dubai at 2050 and he immediately said, let’s see if we can get you on that then. And he did! And here I am, sat sitting here in Dubai all checked in and waiting in transit to go to Doha for my final flight to Khartoum. Where, of course, Corporal Jones of Dad’s Army fame spent part of Sudanese Campaign in the late 19^th century!!

 

DW

Clever?

Saw this in an advertisement for a tee shirt for an accountant:

 

It’s Accrual World

 

Clever that!

 

DW

What would you do?

A delegate told the group today as we were discussing financial modelling that for his dissertation at University he developed an aeroplane scheduling package for an airline. The airline up until then was scheduling its aircraft using pencil and paper and he felt he could help. His model worked and he graduated. He then offered his model to the airline who said thanks but no thanks. He then said, however, that his supervisor suddenly left the university to go and work for Turkish airlines in a senior position and hasn’t been seen or heard since!

 

Coincidence? What do you think?

 

DW

Comedians at the BBC

It’s getting worse and worse at the BBC now.

 

I have noticed over the last couple of weeks or so that reporters on the BBC have decided that they need to sound their letter S as if they are from some of the central and southern states of the USA, not content with mangling their prepositions and adverbs. This means that an S becomes an Sh ... I heard these today on BBC 1:

 

Shtreets

Exshtreme

Bus shtrikes

Shtruggle

 

Is there a college for language clowns at the BBC now? Can they not take the opportunity to keep the British in the British Broadcasting Corporation?

 

DW

Amsterdam

It’s been a long time since I have been in Amsterdam, 1998 it was and I had forgotten how tall people here are: men and women alike. Now, you know that I am 1.91 metres tall which is pretty tall but I am walking down the streets here and am coming eye to eye with many men and just a few women. Of course, since I learned last night that Holland is the second tallest group of people in the world after the Masai, this should come as no surprise. Moreover, I am also coming eye to chin with some men, too: my eye, their chin.

 

We went on a canal boat tour last night and I haven’t done that since 1998 either. This is a very relaxing way of seeing a city and there are lots of canals to go at. The way these canal boat captains get them round very tight corners is impressive: seamlessly going forward then back then sideways and then forward again round 90 degree corners ... well done!

 

An interesting fact is that there are spaces for 2,500 bicycles outside the Centraal Station (railway); and nearly all of them were taken last night.

 

Speaking of bikes, you really need eyes in your rear end as a pedestrian here: other pedestrians, cars, motor bikes and bikes are all a threat. There are bicycle lanes in some towns and cities in the UK but nothing like this. Moreover, cyclists clearly have right of way either by law or by size and speed so getting in their way isn’t something to be advised I’d say. Add the size of the Dutch to the size of a roadster bike then add speed and confidence and you’ve got the value of ‘C’ ... crunch!

 

DW

Christmas firsts

Here I am sat sitting at Manchester Airport waiting for my flight to Amsterdam via Gatwick and let me record for the good of humanity that I have heard my first renditions of the following songs for 2007:

 

Wham: Last Christmas

Slade: So Here it is Merry Christmas

Paul McCartney: that awful one

An animated version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Various Artists (you know, the has beens and not the first lot): Do they know it’s Christmas?

 

Now, my Christmas season starts on 1^st December so I am not complaining and I have already started to listen to the Christmas songs on my hard drive but I haven’t got to my 3 CD 60 tip top Christmas songs yet: Wham and Slade are definitely there!

 

DW

Windows Vista

Is Windows Vista very fast? Fair question since that is one of its selling points. Nope, not according to the first two weeks that I’ve been running it on my new duo core Turion64 chip with 2Gb of RAM and 250Gb hard drive laptop. I expected a blistering booting speed and haven’t got it. I expect Office to open up like lightening but  have seen it only in fits and starts. Automatic saving in Office can be annoyingly slow with large files too.

 

I have also been experiencing software crashes that I would have thought would have been more rare. On day one I had one. I have had one on average every other day. Yesterday I went to start Windows Media Player ... it wouldn’t start either by using a short cut on the desktop or by clicking directly on an MP3 file. After just two weeks, then, even Windows’ own software is unreliable.

 

I expect these crashes to be sorted out eventually and appreciate that as a relative trailblazer that I would have these experiences. Still, Microsoft has been around for 30 years or so and I read that they have spent $8,000,000,000 on upgrading Windows and Office to get us to Vista and 2007. Where has it all gone?

 

DW

This is a true story

I stayed in the excellent Sheraton Corniche in Abu Dhabi and I feel it is among the best hotels I have ever stayed at: although I didn’t get the chance to use the facilities at the hotel beyond the basic, I took a walk around the swimming pool complex and it is brilliant. They haven’t gone for a simple rectangular affair or for the Olympic size look and feel. They have gone for a mixture that suits the serious swimmer, the paddler and the child. Having said that, the serious swimmer looking to do 100 lengths before they open their eyes in the morning would be disappointed. But for the family and someone just looking to recharge their gills and fins, perfect.

 

I did my four days’ worth of work and left to spend the last night of my current trip to the Emirates in Dubai. The taxi driver was good until we got to around 20 miles out of Dubai city centre and then we hit the traffic. A door to door journey from one hotel to the other should have taken 90 to 105 minutes according to the distance and the speeds we were able to clock up. We were on target for that until those last 20 miles. Instead of arriving around 7 pm, then, I actually checked in just before 9 pm. One thing that puzzled me was the number of people going INTO the city. Normally, people LEAVE a city in the evening to go home so who, apart from people like me, are these people who feel the need to get in my way in the evening?

 

I was heading for a hotel I had never stayed at before in a part of the city I had not been to before. The taxi driver’s English wasn’t that good so we couldn’t communicate that well and he didn’t know Dubai at all either. We made no headway and speaking to someone at the hotel in Arabic didn’t help: he just didn’t know the city. We got to within a gnat’s nadger of the hotel but then a one way system cut in to make matters worse. Then the driver did something extraordinary: we got to what would turn out to be within 100 metres of the hotel but he decided to turn right instead of taking a U turn and we ended up in a maze if not a rabbit warren of back streets. I made him return to where we were within 100 metres of the hotel and I got out. All nice a friendly but I could see that leaving the car and letting the man go back home was the best option for both of us. The hotel called me and I told them where I was and they sent out a search party for me: very kind of them don’t you think? As it happened, I spotted the hotel before the search party spotted me and all was well.

 

I was festooned with staff once I got into the lobby: honestly, at least 8 people started to look after me. It’s a new hotel and they were clearly learning their systems and trying out their customer service training.

 

Despite the fact that I am a little deaf I am very sensitive to night noise, especially in an unfamiliar environment. Even thought the room was big and comfortable, there was a lot of traffic noise, aircraft taking off noise and lorry reversing noise. The hotel is smack bang along side one of the new Metro stations and there is construction work going on 24 hours a day: they were making deliveries of materials all night, hence the lorry noise.

 

I woke up around 2:45 am and then was kept awake by the noise for an hour or so. Then again, young Master W felt the need to send me a text message so bing, bing, the mobile phone screeched out at 3:15 ... we then had a text message conversation which began with the clot asking me for the answer to a question we had SPOKEN to each other about just a few hours before. During that conversation I thought he had understood that I would be giving him the answer to the question in a WEEK or so.

 

I went back to sleep and slept until just before the alarm went off at 7am. Good! Showered, closed the cases and headed off for breakfast.

 

There then followed a massively stressful event as I asked the hotel to get me a taxi at 7:40 and then tucked into my milk, cereal and fruit. I checked out and was told to wait as the taxi wouldn’t be long. At 8:10 or so I insisted on being involved in the taxi procurement process and was sent to the back of the hotel where the young lad hunting down the dratted thing was standing behind the hotel, in a quiet back street ... absolutely no chance of getting one in my opinion. I asked him to phone for a taxi, which he did. I couldn’t stand it though and after 5 minutes said I couldn’t wait there any more and asked where we should go to try to guarantee greater success. I led the charge: I am 1.91 metres tall and he was around 1.65 metres tall at a guess. So I was always well ahead of him.

 

We then stopped and started and ended up on a busier but no more fruitful street. I really didn’t know what to do. My helper was keen and willing but unable to help me. He didn’t know which bus, if any, I could get to the airport ... I called the office and they did their best and promised to mobilise a car; but that would take 15 – 20 minutes to reach me.

 

I then moved on a little more and within a minute I was ensconced in a taxi. I said to the driver, thank you very much but I am in a very, very big hurry. It was now 8:50 and my flight was leaving at 10:10. See why I was in a crisis mode and had been for the best part of an hour?

 

The driver really put his foot down for me and we had a lot of unusually clear tarmac to go at. We did it and he got a big tip for his pains. He did tell me though that yesterday, a colleague driver picked up a fare of someone going to the airport and because of the traffic he got to the airport at 9:30 for a flight time of around 10:00 and ... missed it. Just what I wanted to hear.

 

I got there, then, checking in with around about 15 minutes to spare. As I checked in, though, there was another chappie checking in at the next counter and he had a pipe with him: a deer stalker type pipe and that set me on edge for a second as I have just finished reading a Kathy Reichs book in which an aeroplane was brought down when a pipe smoker stuffed a smouldering pipe inside a duffel bag that subsequently caught fire and caused an explosion!! I am typing this at 38,000 feet over Frankfurt with around 1 hour 05 minutes to go to landing at Heathrow so it looks as if we have got away with that one then!

 

DW

 

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.503 / Virus Database: 269.16.4/1146 - Release Date: 22/11/2007 18:55

PMQs

Just watching Prime Minister’s Question Time on the telly and the PM began by expressing his condolences at the deaths of a some British soldiers in Iraq. Hon members respectfully mutter, “Hear, hear!”

 

The PM then went on to offer his congratulations on the occasion of the Queen’s Diamond wedding anniversary. Hon members’ loud cheers.

 

Priorities?

 

DW

The phone company now ...

Surely this is the last one!

 

Late yesterday when replying to a text message, my mobile telephone stopped working.  Coincidentally, my e-mail outbox had stopped working too. I made a sort of connection between the two for a reason I couldn't fathom.  Then, I realised there could be no connection so I tried to make a call on the phone ... I was directed to my provider. I learned very quickly that they believe that I hadn't paid my bill.  I went to my files and found all the relevant documentation but I couldn't prove that I had paid the last amount.  It was too late by this time to talk to anyone so I let it rest until this morning.

 

This morning then I called and was confidently told that my direct debit was in operative.  I hasn't to explain themselves which they did and told me that he takes between four and six weeks for a direct debit to be fully established.  I knew this and had this explained me before but my problem is in this technological age I can't understand it.

 

I then asked them to explain why they had warned me that they want to cut me off if they felt I was at fault.  I also asked her what would happen if I couldn't now pay the bill over the phone using a debit or credit card.  She told me I would then be without a telephone until they could collect money to my direct debit: meaning that I would have to wait at least a week and possibly five weeks before it would be switched back on.

 

I then said that I had been a customer of theirs for many years now and in spite of that they felt that they could just coming off with no notice. 

 

There was then a short pause and the lady apologised and began the process of releasing my telephone so that I could use it again.  She did the right thing and I then immediately told her that I would play the amount showing as owing on my bill; and I did.  I can only hope that there is now a note on my account that tells them if by any chance be direct debit still isn't in place by the time of the next payment not to chop me off without talking to me.

 

I've even got a letter from them from the middle of October telling them how pleased they were that I set up a direct debit with them ...

 

Anyone following this blog over the last two months or so must have formed  the impression that I am mad, angry and a bad debtor: someone who is financial affairs are completely out of control.  Not the case although I am now very wary of moving house and setting up new direct debits because the system really isn't transparent and it's not certain.  In several cases I have gone to the wire over such direct debits.  I was even summonsed to appear in court or one of these cases when I was able to prove that I had done absolutely everything right and the fault lay with them; and it was only by luck than I came home early from a trip otherwise who knows what they would have done

 

DW

Oh my ...

I am not especially religious but I have just cringed at the latest person on the telly to say “Oh my God” when she saw what the DIY crisis team had to rebuild her bathroom.

 

I know a lot of people who find that phrase especially offensive as it is thoughtless and blasphemous for them. It’s also symptomatic of a week vocabulary,

 

DW

 

 

Place names

Here we are in West Yorkshire and as I am exploring the place again, I have come across the following names on the maps of the area:

 

Slaughter Gap

Sleepy Lowe (in the middle of nowhere!)

Cat i' th' Well ... next to Caty Well Bridge which spans Caty Well Brook

Sentry Edge

Tom Tittiman

Bog Eggs Edge

Dick Ing

Foul Scout Wood

 

Now, I don't suppose they are the funniest names or the most unusual but they are odd ... unless and until one knows where they came from, that is.

 

DW

 

Top Tip

Here’s a top tip:

 

Never turn on your washing machine and then leap into your shower where the water is heated by means of one of those electric instant water heating boxes.

 

DW

More fighting

Trouble is following me in a small way at the moment. I got back home on Friday to find a letter from the local County Court to tell me that I've been summonsed to appear before them on Friday for, er, well, PAYING my Council Tax. Don't you mean NOT paying your tax. No, let me explain.

 

Mid October and I got a reminder from the Council reminding me that I hadn't paid my tax yet so would I attend to it ... so I did. I called them and apologised and asked what to do. Fill in the form, pay the amount outstanding by cheque and away you go is what they said. So, it's all documented: on 16th October I went to the council offices and HANDED OVER both my cheque and my direct debit mandate for the rest.

 

Because of someone's incompetence it took them over three weeks to present my cheque and in the meantime someone else has taken my case to the Court.

 

On Saturday they sent another letter telling me what a naughty boy I am and they're taking away my toys ... I can't pay by direct debit so they want me to pay everything NOW, NOW, NOW. I can just see someone stamping their feet at me ;-)

 

I'm about to call them and ask for their explanation and so on.

DW

What's an anniversary then?

I have seen TWO examples of the latest English language nonsense today; both relating to the very sad Madeleine McCann story.

 

You might have seen a newspaper and a television news channel both declaring the six month anniversary of Madeleine's disappearance.

 

Now, what does the word anniversary mean? What does the part of the word anni come from I wonder? Anni comes from annus meaning year from Middle English which in turn came from Latin.

 

I know some people who read this blog think I'm mad as far as the corruption of our language is concerned: it's just something that bothers ME. If it doesn't bother you, fine: but don't be too critical of me. After all, everyone here doubtless gets aerated over something if it's not language and that's good for you. You are free to share your worries here by commenting, sensibly, by the way.

 

So, the newspapers really need to find another less lazy way of saying that it's six months to the day since Madeleine disappeared. Oops, there you are, I did it!

 

DW

Suits you sir ... now get out!

A colleague bought a bargain suit (top brand, 75% off in the sale) at a shop not far from where I am sitting. Having tried it on he felt it needed a slight alteration so sought a second opinion. Second opinion confirmed that an alteration was called for.

 

So off he trolled to the shop and argued his corner. They argued right back: difficult, it happens but looks fine sir, we can't guarantee ... He insisted so they said come back tomorrow evening.

 

He went back as arranged and they told him they had lost the trousers to the suit and because of that hadn't done the work on the jacket. They went through the motions of trying to hunt down the trousers but to no avail. Would sir like his money back after all, you're going back to England tomorrow aren't you?

 

Done! He was! They did it!

 

A fair result all round I think.

 

DW

Don't fill the kettle

A year or two ago I carried out a simple experiment at home. I filled my kettle with exactly the amount of water needed to make my tea/coffee and then monitored the time it took to boil. I then filled the kettle as I used to do, just turned the tap on an guessed the amount and checked the boiling time again.

 

Suffice it to say that if everyone was as bad as I was and then changed to what I did (sound like a goody two shoes don't I?) they will save £23 a year ... I know, what about a family of 3, 5 ... x; but then again, I am talking about the marginal change.

 

Multiply that out to 20 million households in the UK and then tell me I don’t deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. After all, Maurice Flanagan, the Executive Vice Chairman of Emirates Airlines has branded Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth, as 'absolute rubbish'. Maurice, read this blog and you'll see I tend to agree.

 

More than that, Gore tells us all we’re all doomed because of our excesses but then flies around in an executive jet by himself and just a few others. At least I sit cramped in a plane with HUNDREDS of others!

 

So, send me to Sweden to collect the prize, thank you!

 

DW

 

Who thinks like this?

Just reading an article from The Economist and was befuddled by the following ... who thinks like this?

 

... The US this month established a new Unified Combatant Command (Cocom) dedicated solely to the African continent (excluding Egypt), Africa Command (Africom). Africom is as a sub-unified command under the US European Command (Eucom) in Stuttgart, Germany ... Previously, Africa had been split between three Cocoms: Eucom, Central Command (Centcom); and Pacific Command (Pacom) ... Reactions to the announcement of Africom have been somewhat mixed ... the US Agency for International Development (USAID), non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and charities.

 

... in late 2001 to establish the operations of the Combined Joint Task Force: Horn of Africa (CJTF-HOA) ... In 2003 the US announced funding of US$100m for the East Africa Counterterrorism Initiative (EACTI) to provide anti-terrorist equipment and training for ... In 2005 the PSI was transformed into the Trans Sahara Counter-Terrorism Initiative (TSCTI) ... The initiative is run by the US Naval Forces Europe (US Naveur) and involves ...

http://www.economist.com/daily/news/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10054460

 

Who thinks up and then learns all of these acronyms? Imagine a potential conversation, like this:

 

Me:   Is that CoCom HQ?

 

Them: No, it's Africom, you've got a wrong number.

 

Me:   OK, then: I need Africom, too, cos you're about to involve EuCom and CentCom in some kind of operational deal with PaCom, financed by USAID and some other NGOs aren't you?

 

Them: Could be, who wants to know?

 

Me:   Me! I was with JTF-HOA, TSCTI and US Naveur last week ...

 

For goodness' sake!

 

DW

 

 

I kid you not!

I have been walking to work this last week as I mentioned the other day and oh the joys of Shanks' Pony. On a pillar of an office block/shop is a fantastic little sign that says: Backside Parking ... here is a photo of the self same sign. Couldn't wait to tell you about it.

Reminds me of the time I was in India and was taken to a jeweller's shop. As he was trying to sell me some of his best he proudly told me that he had "300 jewellers in his backside". I kid you not.

Not the same, but went to a restaurant the other day with some fellow Brits and a couple of non Brits ... one of the non Brits was so pleased with his choice of food that he offered to share it with the rest of us. He said, "It's really quite good." No one had the heart to tell him that in English English being QUITE good isn't necessarily much of a compliment.

DW

Small World

In the other hotel this week, the one I've been working in rather than living in, I went into the restaurant for Breakfast and as I was about to sit down I saw Dr Chan Young Bang sitting at the next table with his family.

 

Dr Bang is one of Kazakhstan's most famous Korean residents as he was economic advisor to President Nazarbaev for a while and has been President of KIMEP essentially since it started.

 

We exchanged pleasantries a couple of times which was nice.

 

Small world isn't it?

 

DW

Security Guards or coffee servers?

OK, last of my walking across Dubai stories. At a cross roads at the end of the City Centre building I was walking towards a couple of young men who were wearing black uniforms, pocket badges and with things hanging from their belts. I thought, hmm, special forces ... be careful lad ... then when I got close enough I was able to read their badges: Starbucks Coffee.

 

How can you credit something like that?

 

DW

In a lift

Got in a lift with two other men. One said something I didn't understand so
asked them what language they just spoke.

One said, Swedish, what language are you speaking.

Funny! We all laughed!

DW

Walking

It's good to walk ... not quite BT but there you are.

I am working half an hour or so's walk across Dubai from my hotel.

Day one took half an hour and aching feet. Day two took a BIT less time and slightly aching feet ... changed my route a BIT Day three, wore trainers (and a suit and tie!!) no aching feet, took 25 minutes to go and 23 minutes to get back.

Yes!

DW

Countries worked in or visited

I was asked this evening how many countries I had lived in or visited. Here
is my list of the 38 countries I have been to, not in any particular order:

The UK
Malawi
Kazakhstan
Zimbabwe
Kyrgyzstan
Uzbekistan
Zambia
Russia
Republic of South Africa
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Armenia
Georgia
Hong Kong
Thailand
Singapore
The USA
Canada
Brazil
Barbados
Ireland
France
Germany
Denmark
Holland
Dubai
Kuwait
Oman
Croatia
Serbia
Egypt
Kenya
India
Turkey
Portugal
Spain
Austria
Albania
Greece

DW

Language and swearing on BBC Radio 4

As always, I try to be fair to everyone so here is the response I got from the BBC to my recent rant against falling language standards on BBC Radio 4. I have provided here my further response.

Anyone can comment on the BBC's views and on my own ... but not anonymously!

DW

--oo0oo--

Dear Mr Williamson

Thank you for your e-mail which was forwarded to this department for reply.

I understand that you feel the BBC are not maintaining high standards of spoken and written English and feel that a number of our presenters are using 'Americanisms'.

The BBC is conscious of the need to maintain high standards of spoken English and pronunciation throughout its broadcasts. However, much of the influence on our lives comes from the United States and some American words and terms have been imported. American forms of pronunciation are preferred by many young people and if widely enough adopted, some eventually become accepted. In the end it is actual usage which decides whether or not a pronunciation is acceptable, whereas a particular pronunciation learned some years ago may not be the only correct form today.

With regards to the issue of bad language being used on Radio 4, if I can explain, BBC Radio does not operate a watershed policy in the same way as television. Our research shows that the number of children or young people listening to Radio 2, 3 and 4 is so minimal as to hardly register. Radio 1 and Radio Five Live's popularity with younger listeners brings with it special responsibility which the stations take very seriously.

We try to provide programmes of adult interest at times most convenient for a general audience without imposing unnecessary restrictions on writers and artists. This is a difficult area of judgement. We are guided by our experience of public reaction and our understanding of the kind of audiences drawn to particular programmes. The constant feedback from our audiences helps us know what material is and is not acceptable to them.

Again, I do appreciate that you deep concerns regarding the standards of spoken English across our networks and I can assure you Mr Williamson that we have registered your comments on our audience log. This is the internal report of audience feedback which we compile daily for all programme makers and commissioning executives within the BBC, and also their senior management. It ensures that your points, and all other comments we receive, are circulated and considered across the BBC.

Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us.

Regards

RC BBC Information

--oo0oo--

Dear R,

I wonder on what basis you are able to assert that young people prefer American pronunciation to some words and phrases? I also wonder why you think that the BBC should lie down and die on this matter.

I have had debates before, as have thousands of us I don't doubt, along these lines. No one is saying that what was good in the 1950s is bound to be good today. However, I find it really cheapening to listen to people who are clearly well educated and articulate speaking in the way they now do.

I would also like the official policy from the BBC on why they are prepared to accept Americanisms that emanate from an uneducated stratum of American society? As an example, just consider the use of prepositions by Americans: the BBC is now adopting wholesale that some prepositions are superfluous so can be abandoned. I know many educated Americans and they continue to use their prepositions properly.

Similarly, there has been a major trend to the abandonment of the definite and indefinite article both in speech and in writing: why have you allowed this to happen?

Are you really telling me that your reporters and editors are monitoring poorly educated people both in the USA and the UK and are then satisfied that we all should talk like them? If you are that is dreadful. If you aren't then I don't understand what you are saying. You might not be aware of it but the part of your response relating to swearing begins with one of the Americanisms that grates on me, "With regards to the issue of bad language ..." Why did you not say "With regard to the issue of bad language ..." as you should have?

I first raised the matter of swearing on Radio 4 a few years ago and received the same, to my mind astonishing, response: that virtually every listener to Radio 4 is an adult, so swear away. Again, is this editorial policy now? Are you telling me that swearing is no longer an issue for you?

I can't even write the word that they used on the Laurie Taylor programme I referred to in my previous message because it is so offensive yet it was used in the middle of the day and yet far from being a prude I was really saddened to hear it.

I wonder what you mean by "... unnecessary restrictions on writers and artists ..." Is it really felt to be the case that simply because an author or a presenter wants to use a swear word that they must?

Finally, you are seeming to assume that simply because your audience comprises almost entirely of adults that any swearing is acceptable. That's the astonishing part. You might tell me next to switch off the radio if I don't like the swearing: hardly a mature argument; but I have heard it. I like Radio 4 and you already know that I listen to it almost all day and almost every day and I don't see why anyone feels the need to impose swearing on me when it is absolutely unnecessary. If there were no swearing at all, no one would notice. No one would tell you that you ought to put some swearing into a play because a gangster is bound to swear ... it's just a ludicrous argument.

I think the BBC should be at the forefront of standards in all aspects of its work: upholding good standards of grammar and pronunciation as well as refusing to stoop to profanities.

Best wishes

Duncan Williamson

Deafness

There was an excellent article in yesterday's Gulf News on deafness. Anyone with a child who owns an iPod or similar will appreciate that not only is the UK heading for an obesity nightmare but these obese people of the future are also likely to be deaf or very hard of hearing well before the time that nature turns down the hearing volume for them.

 

I had a run in with young Master W a few years ago when I heard him playing his iPod at what I thought was an excessive volume level. I discussed noise, excessive noise and deafness with him and advised him that if he didn't adjust the noise level I would help him! Needless to say, a few days later I checked again and the volume was still turned up to far too high a level. I then sequestered the offending iPod for a few days to try to make the lad consider what he was probably doing to himself.

 

The lad told his mother after a couple of days that he NEEDED his iPod and asked her if she would return it to him. I had it with me in the car so she didn't know where it was!

 

I think the message in that case went unheeded but I said and did, as all parents should do, what I needed to say and do. I told him that I couldn't stop him damaging his hearing and I would do my best to help but at the end of the day, these iPod type things are dangerous and every parent has the duty to do their best to help their children in this respect.

 

Now though there is another worry on this front which is the advent of these noise reducing head phones. Try them and what you find is that virtually the only noise you can hear is what is coming from the iPod: all background noise is virtually eliminated. One way they do that is by having the ear pieces fitting very tightly into the opening of the ear canal. Now, couple noise reduction with too high a volume and I think the deafness problem can only get worse.

 

It might be seen as nannyism but parents and other adults in charge of children do have the duty of care and if that means that children need to be taught to think carefully about their actions then so be it: you've got to do it!

 

DW

The European treaty and borrowing ideas

To David Cameron, Leader of the Conservative Party and Leader of HM Opposition

 

Dear Mr Cameron,

 

The European Treaty

 

I can see no point whatsoever in your campaign re the European Treaty for a couple of reasons:

 

1 No one will fall for the tactic that the Prime Minister is failing to keep a promise

2 Someone is either lying to us or doesn't understand the Treaty

 

1 That is my personal assessment and you are free to disagree with it but I think you are wasting your time. If I were you I would move on to something much better than this. Europe has dragged down your Party before and it will do so again if you want it to.

 

2 William Hague was recently interviewed on Radio 4 and said that the new Treaty will mean a permanent European President. A fellow interviewee, a government Minister whose name I have forgotten, corrected Mr Hague by pointing out that whilst there is a provision for a European President, such a Presidency is for a two and a half year term, albeit potentially renewable. The current six monthly revolving Presidency is to be scrapped, as you are doubtless aware.

 

You repeated that misinformation on BBC Breakfast the other day: that there is to be a permanent Presidency.

 

Are you deliberately trying to mislead us or do you and William Hague really not understand what the Treaty says on the matter of the Presidency?

 

Borrowing Ideas

 

I pointed out to you the other day the results of some research by IBM to the effect that 20% of all innovations implemented by commercial organisations come from their competitors. Whilst you did not respond to that message, let me inform you that Virgin Atlantic has just let it be known that their idea for a 'drive through' service whereby their first class passengers go from airport door to aircraft door in 10 minutes, was essentially 'borrowed' from McDonald's the fast food chain. I don't hear anyone from McDonald's crying foul, do you? To what extent are you now changing your stance on the possible borrowing of your ideas by competitor Parties. After all, George Osborne is still desperately trying to take credit for much of the Chancellor of the Exchequer’s recent pre budget ideas.

 

Yours sincerely

 

 

Duncan williamson

 

Cc Duncan’s Diurnal Diatribe Blog

bmi an insult to the intelligence

These people at bmi and Luggage Loss Adjusters are still not talking to me so when I leave from Manchester Airport on Friday I'll be handing out a load of leaflets that say: Fly bmi? You must be joking ... and here's why They'll lose your luggage and when they do they ...

• tell lies about your entitlements
• make you wait a week before you can even think about claiming
• will not communicate with you in any way for weeks

I've got a graphic of the bmi logo on it with a big red 'X' over it and I am using the bmi house colour as the background for the entire leaflet. I'd upload it to let you see it but there's a problem at the blogger.com server at the moment. DW

Letter to the BBC Trust on 17th October 2007

You may agree with none, some or all of what you are about to read. My motivation to write this letter has come from the news today that the Chairman of the BBC is to present to the BBC Trust his plans for saving £2 billion of BBC costs. I then went to find out what the BBC Trust is as it said in the news today that they represent the BBC's viewers and listeners. As a result of what I found, I then wrote this:

My complaint/suggestion relates to the following two aims of the BBC Trust and how I think the Trust is failing in this respect:

We aim to ensure

...

· that the BBC's management delivers public value by providing distinctive services of the highest quality to all the people and all the communities across the United Kingdom

· that the BBC contributes to the standing of the United Kingdom in the world, to the economy and to British culture

I am becoming more and more worried by the quality of written and spoken English on the BBC now. A simple but good example of the kind of problem I am referring to is on this Contact us page that I am on now. I am instructed to "... fill OUT the form below ..."

All news readers now speak AmerEnglish. The Alan Sugar version of the Apprentice had a screen for a while which said "Your fired". Right now, glitches, upcoming and even neither ... or. It's not difficult to hear something like this, "It's about English language, it's about standards, it's about AmerEnglish." What utter rubbish. All these and many more AmerEnglish constructions have come into use on an every day basis now.

My complaint, then, is that the Trust is not ensuring that BBC programmes are of the highest quality and that the BBC is now beginning to fail to contribute to British culture.

I don't want anyone to tell me that English has developed and is developing otherwise we would merely grunt and not speak because I know that. I also know that many of the constructions that are being used now are blind imports from across the Atlantic. I worry that of all the cuts that are being made across the BBC, one major area where they are being made is in editorial departments. How else can we account for the change from the BBC being a bastion of English language correctness to being a place where the language of the street can happily be welcomed?

Further evidence for my argument can be found on the language used on Radio 4 now. I can't even type what we can hear now because you would accuse me of being offensive. However, there was a Laurie Taylor programme on Radio 4 last week that played a clip that included the word f***ing. In the middle of the day now I can here such awful language. Why wasn't it bleeped out? Moreover, plays and comedy programmes readily include swear words now. Words that are still really offensive for polite society are now freely used.

I don't want anyone to tell me that I can always reach for the off switch if I don't like the language used. Excuse me, but what about your aim that includes delivering the highest quality? I was brought up on Radio 4 and it is my radio station of choice. I work from home for much of my time and Radio 4 is on in the background almost all day every day. Why should I be forced to switch off something that is so deeply ingrained in me and that is, on balance, excellent in all other respects?

Your failure to uphold the standards of language is a major failing in my opinion and I would like some reassurance and then action in this respect.

Yours faithfully

DW

bmi again

Here's someone else who had a bad bmi experience: their staff even admit that the company is incompetent so I wonder when I will get my money back? How do these people keep their licences?

 

DW

 

--oo0oo--

 

Comments

The following is a long letter which my girlfriend is sending to BMI after the poor service she received. Long, but worth the read! I am writing to register a complaint about the service or lack thereof which I received from your company during a recent visit to the United Kingdom. I am an American and my boyfriend lives in the UK. Planning visits and saving money to fly across the Atlantic is difficult at the best of times but the experience I have just endured with your airline has left me incredibly disappointed and upset.

 

The following is an account of the dealings between BMI British Midland and myself during and indeed after my trip to the UK:

 

 

June 22 – Arrived at Manchester after having missed my connection at Heathrow due to being delayed from Washington on Virgin Atlantic. I was informed that my bags did not get transferred to the BMI flight in London and that they had not arrived. I was informed that they would be delivered to my boyfriends address when they arrived.

 

11pm my bags arrived by courier as promised.

 

July 6 - Checked in with BMI at Manchester over two hours before takeoff time. Both bags were tagged and I was assured they would be checked all the way through to Washington.

 

Arrived at Dulles airport in Washington and was called to Virgin Atlantic desk. I was told my bags were not put on the plane in London and that they would be arriving the next day. I was told to leave the keys to my bags’ padlocks with Virgin Atlantic’s Sophie Ramsey.

 

July 7- I received a call saying that only one of my bags was sent. It arrived late that night.

 

July 8- I left two messages with Virgin Atlantic at Dulles inquiring about the location of the second and most important bag containing presents, photographs not to mention thousands of dollars worth of clothing) Both messages went unanswered.

 

July 9- I called Virgin Atlantic again and a woman named Sara called me back. She said she had been sending messages to BMI about my bag and would tag it “urgent.” She told me the airlines would look for it for 10 days and then I would need to make a claim. I listed several things I had in my bag in case it had been torn open or the address tags had been ripped off.

 

July 10- My boyfriend called Manchester and they said they had no trace of my bag and no record of any problem. However at midnight, my bag showed up at 28 Fairlea Road in Huddersfield, England. This is my boyfriend’s address, which I left with BMI two weeks earlier when I arrived in England and my bags were lost the first time.

 

July 11- My boyfriend called BMI the next day and told them I was in the US and BMI claimed they didn’t know I left the country. My boyfriend called BMI and was told that the bag would be collected by courier that afternoon and would be put on the direct BMI Manchester-Washington flight the next day. The courier arrived almost 6 hours later than promised by BMI staff, even after two more calls to Manchester by my boyfriend.

 

I called Sophie Ramsey at Virgin Atlantic to find out if BMI had been in touch since we at least now knew what was supposed to be happening…and she hadn’t heard anything back from BMI. She didn’t even know my bag had turned up where I had stayed in England. Sophie told me she would meet the BMI flight with my keys the next day if she received confirmation the next day from BMI in Manchester.

 

July12- I received no call confirming that my bag had been on BMI’s flight and I never received my bag. I left a message on Virgin Atlantic’s machine again.

 

Meanwhile my boyfriend called BMI in Manchester three more times speaking to several people among them Linda and Dorothy, none of whom seemed to have much control over the so called courier who had supposedly picked up my bag the previous day. All they could say is that to their knowledge my bag had NOT arrived at Manchester and to let them look into it. He calls back later speaks to a less than friendly woman who says he needs to call back the next day to speak to Dorothy or Linda. She looks in her computer and says that it says my bag was picked up on July 11 at the house I stayed at in England but that it doesn’t say my bag even got back to Manchester Airport. Not only were my bags lost both ways of my journey but they were also lost on the road between Huddersfield and Manchester. I was furious. My calls to Manchester went unanswered.

 

The BMI staff at Manchester told my boyfriend they would call to let him know if and when they found my bag. He asked that they do their utmost to get the bag, providing it showed up at the airport onto the Washington flight the next day (another 24 hours without my belongings, gifts and personal effects bringing the total to a week!)

 

July 13- Sophie Ramsey called back saying she still had heard nothing from BMI and as far as she knew, my bag was not on that plane. I called BMI Customer Service and spoke to a woman named Amanda. As she began to understand the situation, she looked for my file on the world trace report. Amanda told me Virgin Atlantic was doing as much as they could but she said, and I quote “BMI is incompetent and I’m saying this because it is true. Somebody is not doing their job.” Amanda said the last thing on the World Trace Report was Sophie Ramsey’s message asking about my bag being on the BMI direct flight. It went unanswered by BMI. Amanda told me she would be calling Manchester and leaving more urgent messages.

 

Late July 13- I return home to find a note on my door saying that my duffel bag was at my next-door neighbor’s. I collected my bag only to find that my keys were not delivered to me and as a result, I could not even open the bag I had been missing for a week. I left a message at Virgin Atlantic asking for my keys to be delivered the following day- a trip that would not be necessary if BMI had bothered to communicate with Virgin Atlantic at all.

 

July 17- Amanda, from BMI customer service, called and said that she finally got into contact with BMI in Manchester and my bag would be on a plane. I told her my bag had already arrived.

 

 

For the amount of money I paid for my ticket with BMI and Virgin, I am shocked and appalled at the baggage service I received or in this case, didn’t really receive at all. On the way there (June 21), my Virgin Atlantic flight was late leaving from Washington Dulles so I missed my connecting flight in London. When I got to Manchester I was told my bags would turn up. After a couple of calls, my bag turned up late that night. On the flight back (July 6), I was called to the Virgin Atlantic desk and told both my bags didn’t make the London-Dulles flight. And so began my nightmare with BMI’s baggage services.

 

What is most disturbing is that BMI checked me onto their Friday morning flight to London Heathrow and assured me that my bags were checked all the way through to Washington-Dulles yet they claimed they had no idea I left the country so they pulled an address off a baggage claim from weeks earlier and sent my bags back there. No one looked on their computers, no one responded to Virgin Atlantic’s messages; no one did their job. None of this would have happened if BMI had performed their duties in a competent manner from the beginning. The US Postal Service and Royal Mail could have delivered my bag more efficiently than BMI and to think we trust BMI to take people to their correct destinations.

 

Because of my boyfriend living in the UK, we both make frequent trips across the Atlantic and up until now, were both quite happy to fly with BMI and/or Virgin. Unfortunately, I am now weary of the services both airlines boast. I know that bags get lost every now and then and I can even accept the unlikely circumstances in which I found myself, my bags having been misplaced on both outward and return journeys. But what shocks me the most is the lack of communication between airline staff and to their customers that is essential to transport passengers and their belongings from country to country.

 

I find it ludicrous that a world-class airline can be so continuously inept when carrying out a duty that should be second nature…and the fact that even your own staff admit to customers that the company is “incompetent” does not say very much for the standing of your organization as a whole.

 

I would ask you to look into my complaint as a matter of utmost urgency. I feel that some form of compensation as a gesture of good will is the very least I can expect from you. I sincerely hope that you do your best to try to restore some of my faith in your airline. Until that time myself, my boyfriend and anyone else we warn will, I’m sure give BMI British Midland a wide berth. It’s not enough to repaint your planes and offer seat-back TVs…customer service should be number one priority; it is the grass roots of good business as I am confident I do not have to tell you.

 

I look forward with anticipation to your prompt attention to this matter and a reply.

 

Yours truly,

 

 

 

Caitlin E M

 

Letter to Sir Michael Bishop Chairman of BMI Airline

There follows the text of the letter I have just sent to Sir Michael Bishop, chairman of and major shareholder in BMI, British Midland plc.

Dear Sir Michael,

I am finding it very difficult to believe that someone with your reputation and level of success could lead a business that can so badly mismanage the loss of a customer’s possessions.

The reference I have quoted above is the reference I was given at Manchester Airport over a month ago following the loss of my luggage whilst flying with BMI from Heathrow to Manchester.

I have filled in your forms and have been patient. I have tried to contact your organisation in a bid to understand why I have heard nothing from you and why you are failing to settle my claim. Every single fax, letter and email message has gone unanswered. I have even started a dialogue with the Air Transport User’s Council in my bid to understand what you are going to do to reimburse me for my loss.

Your airline has lost 11 made to measure business shirts, a made to measure suit with spare trousers, a made to measure blazer, an expensive pair of shoes and a lot more. The replacement cost of my possessions is £1,800. I travel on business quite a bit and have made one short trip since you lost my possessions. At the end of next week I am going on a much longer trip and as yet you have done nothing to reimburse me for my loss.

I feel that four and a half weeks is far too long for your organisation to rectify a loss that took you less than an hour to cause. I can only hope that you will now do the decent thing and begin an investigation into this matter. In the meantime I leave on my next trip on Friday 19th October and the least you can do is to ensure that I have something to wear and something to carry it in.

Yours sincerely

DW

Reply: David Cameron are you an example to our children?

In the spirit of fair play, here is the full text of a reply I had to my letter to David Cameron. It took them just five minutes to reply, too!

Dear Duncan,

Thank you for your e-mail, following Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons this week.

I certainly take on board the points you make and will ensure that David is made aware if your concerns.

David is very disappointed that after weeks of spinning the Prime Minister has now decided not to call an election. In doing so he has deprived the British people of the chance to vote for the much needed change this country needs.

David also feels very strongly that the government should hold a referendum on the new EU Treaty after Tony Blair and Gordon Brown signed up to major shifts of power from Britain to the EU and major changes in the way the EU works.

It has been David's view for a long time that it is a pretty good principle that elected representatives should not give up the powers that they were elected to wield without asking the people who elected them first.

It is for these reasons why David criticised the Prime Minister in the House of Commons on Wednesday.

Please find below a link is to an article by David Cameron about Gordon Brown's decision not to call an election. In his article, David makes clear his thoughts on the events of the last few days. He also sets out how the Conservative Party will continue to fight for real change:

http://www.conservatives.com/tile.do?def=news.show.article.page&obj_id=139577

Thank you, once again, for taking the time and trouble to get in touch.

Yours sincerely,

Alice Sheffield

Office of David Cameron MP

House of Commons

London SW1A 0AA