Wheat'll they find next?

First posting for a while this is worth waiting for!

Did you know that the wheat genome is 5 times larger than the human genome, it contains 80,000 genes and 16 billion chemical letters? Moreover the wheat genome has just had its sequencing completed.

There you are!!

DW
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Paedophiles used to be Locked away

This story is a week old or so now but Roman Polanski was released from house arrest by the Swiss authorities following some sort of legal wrangle and deal.

Polanski ran away from the USA after having been found guilty of the drugging and rape of a 13 year old girl there.

For decades Polanski hid like all cowards but was caught on a trip to Switzerland.

In any case, he has managed to escape from justice again. What has intrigued me, though, is the press coverage he has been receiving.

I have heard of people who are rightly indignant at Polanski's release since he has not served a sentence for the crime he committed.

There was one person who was interviewed on the BBC World Service network who said that Polanski's release was right and proper because of his contribution to cinema in Europe and around the world. Moreover, this oaf was looking forward to meeting Polanksi in London in the near future ...

Over the last decade or so there has been a massive movement against paedophilia and internet based child pornography sites and images and so on.

I have heard nothing recently to suggest that this man will be subjected to any of the privations currently visited on other convicted paedophiles.

Say what you like, but celebrity reaps many rewards. And another thing, I have watched very few of Polanski's films and the ones that I have, I have probably slept through much of!

DW

Listen to the Radio then

I know this is hardly news for many of you but here is what I want to say anyway.

I have tried to listen to the radio on mobile phones for quite a while now and as I type this missive I am listening very happily to the BBC World Service in absolute clarity on my Samsung mobile.

I NEED to have my earphones plugged in to act as the antenna but I am listening on the speaker, not necessarily the earphones.

When I have tried to listen to the radio on other mobiles I have often ended up being asked to pay for it. What I am listening to at the moment is free of charge.

Finally, I have listened to the radio on the phone now at home in the UK, in Dubai and now here in Central Asia.

Marvellous!

DW

Well, he did ask!

I was asked what I thought about the World Cup in South Africa. I'm afraid I got a bit bilious and here is the cleaned up version of what I said!

I have seen very little of the WC. The quality of reception in central asia is poor even though there's a dish supposedly pointing at Dubai on our roof. Happily I saw only a fraction of just one of the England games. They are a disgrace and have been for years. Abysmal players who earn vast fortunes and strut the world as if they know what football is. In truth, they are all just looking for the next woman to get to grips with. When they get caught with some tart, the wife throws up her hands in horror, runs off to their house in Dubai (they've all got one). He then tearfully takes time off to fly to our favourite Emirate to beg for forgiveness. The nation holds its breath.

The wife is now firmly ensconced as the injured party and is given celebrity status as a singer or actress or model ... they get to choose. In the case of that B****** slapper, she can design cars cos the world is populated by men who "know" cars cos they can tell their quality by kicking a tyre in a car show room.

Some players are clever. one player has just engineered a scam by having a sex scandal "erroneously" sent by text to many people. In horror he contacted the newspapers ... lies, lies he says. This oaf is now in the clear to spread his seed all over the delights of his district. Saves worrying about the football cos that Itie is taking the rap for that gaff!

DW

How about this?

A man came to the door the other day and introduced himself as the provider of a certain type of service. He wanted to know whether I might be interested in using his service. He gave me his business card which had this fantastic epithet on it:

The very best in Natural Light Improvement Technology

Now, what do you think the service is?

Answers on a post card please or even electronically.

DW

Weight Lifting Top Tip

Never let someone who works out with weights change a light bulb for you or you will find it in a thousand pieces on the floor rather than in one piece in the light socket.

Another top tip from yours truly!

DW

Time to get behind your team: England

Let's call for a ban in the England team of anyone who believes they are any good. The current team is filled with people who have no idea of how bad they are and yet they manage to cream off as much as £150,000 a WEEK in pay. The English Premier league is a decent league and is often touted as being the best in the world. We are told that some of our players are the best in the world.

Piffle! There is no one in the current England set up who can be classed as anything like the best in the world.

• Terry: yes, he is prepared to have his face kicked in
• Rooney: yes, he runs and is fearless
• Gerard: erm, what? who?
• Lampard: preferred his dad
• James: he draws a pension, yes? Straight from the WORST side in the Premier league and prone to error

We are probably going to dismiss a good manager now when it is the players and their woeful skills and abilities who should leave.

So, get behind the team and give it a right royal heave out of the ground. Let's start again with some decent players.

DW

Snooty Cow ...

... and she's probably from Cheshire.

That's the woman next to me on the plane who wanted me to lean away from her, "Just while I eat my dinner". When I got back from the toilet she'd changed places so her daughter was next to me. And the daughter twitched when I moved too!

DW
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World Cup Tripe II

England

DW

If not true, funny anyway!

These are just a few of the supposedly genuine questions and answers received/given by an Australian Tourism Website. Cracked me up!

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.   All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

__________________________________________________
DW

World Cup Tripe

So far I have not really watched much of the world cup action.

Last night, though, I watched the build up to a couple of games and almost immediately was confronted by a reason for not watching such rubbish!

The programme was being hosted by a woman, sorry. She said that so and so had scored an amazing penalty the night before. They showed the penalty. I was waiting for someone to place the ball, run up like Usain Bolt or Carl Lewis then kick the ball in such a way that it went forward and then, for example, looped the loop, hit the bar or post but then magically looped in a way that defied the known laws of physics before going into the net beyond the goalkeeper's powers to stop it.

What actually happened was that he kicked the ball fairly hard and it then flew into the net without the goalkeeper being able to stop it.

So WHY, WHY, WHY did she say it was an amazing penalty?

DW

Another Wretched MP: but why the support for this one?

David Laws was three weeks into his job as Chief Secretary to the Treasury in Britain's current coalition government. Then the world found out that he had cheated the MPs' expense system. Nothing new in this, many of our MPs from many previous parliaments had done the same. Laws was caught with his hands in a £40,000 deep pocket.

Astonishingly, for some reason this man was roundly defended by Cameron, PM; and others who knew him and liked him and said it was sad that he had to go ...

I thought, he took a LOT of money that he was not entitled to, was caught and had to resign. We are well rid of him. Then I came across an excellent letter in the Financial Times that I hope they don't mind me reproducing here in part:

‘Flawed’ secretary was right to resign

From Mr Christopher J Wales.

Sir, It is a pity that Philip Stephen’s column on David Laws is such a mixture of prejudice and bank holiday thinking (“Only the prurient will rejoice at Laws’ resignation”, June 1).

The reported facts are simple and do not seem to have been challenged: a) Mr Laws made claims for rental payments to a person with whom he was in a long-term relationship; b) those claims involved £40,000 of taxpayers’ money and were in breach of the rules; c) he hid his relationship and did not clear the claims with the relevant parliamentary authorities.

This was scarcely an “oversight”. And it reveals a great deal about his character and judgment.

... The charge sheet is clear and it was right that he should resign.

Like so many politicians before him, he made matters worse by not accepting that immediately and trying to defend the indefensible ...

Christopher J Wales, Hemel Hempstead, Herts, UK

http://digital.olivesoftware.com/Olive/ODE/FTePaper/?Publication=FTU Wednesday 2nd June 2010

Hear hear Mr Wales

DW

Phone Charging Top Tip

If your mobile phone's battery has drained and you want to recharge it overnight by using your laptop, don't forget to plug your laptop into the power supply.

DW


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Welcome 'ome lad

I am currently sitting at home in England. I arrived yesterday so I am now in that horrible transition from over there to over here. Dozing in the chair at any time and at no  notice. I know I have dozed only when I wake up!

I took a long walk today in spite of the foul weather.

DW

Cameron: no thanks

Looks like the Tories are doing what I predicted, gaining the most seats in the House of Commons.

Here's another prediction: this will be a failure government. The Tories' team is inexperienced and filled with oafs. All they have ever done is blether for a living. Probably clever lads but not good enough.

The thought of William Hague travelling the world on our behalf as Foreign Secretary fills me with complete dread.

DW
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Teacher Student Exchange

Teacher refused to allow a late arriving student into his class. A male friend of the female student took umbrage and intervened. The ensuing conversation included the following:

Male Student: She is a girl and what is she supposed to do in the street?

Teacher: She is a girl, she was in the street, what was she doing?

Teacher won that exchange and didn't let the student in the class either.

DW

Hung Parliament? My @rse

I have largely avoided the current nonsense “General Election” taking place in the UK; but can’t help hearing over and over again how certain everyone is that this election is balanced on a knife edge. These pundits all seem to KNOW that there is going to be a hung parliament.

Well, let me reassure everyone that the parliament will not be hung. There may be a surprise or two but it will not be a hung parliament.

Who will win? Well, I am not one of those know alls and I have not been anywhere near the campaign so will not say. My dream is that a good old fashioned true liberal socialist government is returned but with nothing of the like of Gordon Brown as Prime Minister.

I also hope that should the Tories win that David Cameron fails to become its leader and that William (Billy the Beer) Hague does not, repeat not, sit in the cabinet and represent the UK in any foreign capacity: let’s keep him a secret. Otherwise it will be far too embarrassing for me.

I also want Michael Gove NOT to be Education Minister because he has ignored the campaign to keep A Levels honest. George Osborne cannot, please cannot, become Chancellor of the Exchequer either.

Otherwise, they will do what on earth they like. They are campaigning as if they mean it! Liars!

DW

Tea Tree Oil

I have mentioned this before, probably on the blog entries that disappeared when my then Blog provider suddenly vanished.

I bought a bottle of tea tree oil the other week and after a calculation or two found out that in its concentrated form it retails at £3,800 a LITRE.

And you thought your petrol/diesel was a bit on the pricey side.

Duncan

Good news … I’m not involved

I am out of the UK at the moment as everyone knows and I am so happy that the General Election is going on without me.

Non Brits here are asking me what I think about those Prime Ministerial debates and I say, haven’t watched them; and I haven’t. They ask why and I say what’s the point?

Brown, the PM who never should have been, Cameron, the PM who doesn’t deserve to be and Clegg, the PM who will never be.

I can just imagine the Oxbridgies and the Champagne Socialists closeted in their Battleground Headquarters (it will be called something like that, I can almost guarantee). Oh yah! Deffo! Absolutamundo! These are words that will be flying round these offices as these oh so clever people try to work out which make up looks best on Gordy, how to make that aristocratic looking oaf look normal and how to overcome the fact that Clegg is a working class name from the North of England that’s associated with a comedy television programme and Wallace and Gromit.

What everyone knows is that style wins over substance and each of these parties will be desperately hoping that their PR stylists can win the battle in those programmes. Meanwhile what really matters to the likes of you and me goes sailing right past unhurried and unworried!

That’s why I haven’t watched even though they have been shown here on BBC World. Thpppzzzzz to them all.

Moreover, I know that if I were at home not one prospective Parliamentary candidate would ever come knocking at my door: it’s never happened to me.

DW

Don't you just hate it when ...

Imagine the scene: you are in a computer lounge and want to print a document but it won't print. There is an assistant to help who finds that the cable has to be connected since it is not connected wirelessly.

Nothing works so the assistant calls a technician.

The technician does NOTHING except arrive and ask you to try to print your document again and ... it prints first time.

Makes you look like a complete tosser.

Don't you hate that?

DW